Most of the times, I didn't bother thinking about how I would die, because it felt like I already was. I wasn't meant to be here but for some strange reason I am. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the people I loved, but I was given this opportunity. It had happened almost in an instant. I ask you to try and remember what it's like going into a deep sleep, where your mind is gone into the dreaming realm and your body is absent in your mind. That's how it felt. I woke up one moment in my bed at home, the next moment I woke up in an unknown house, in a crib, in a younger body.
I can't tell you the moments of my birth, or my real parents, in this body. I can tell you that my appearance in this crib, where there already was a baby in, caused a ruckus. The women that I would soon call my 'Mother' screamed at the top of her lungs, making her husband and my soon 'Father' come into the room where their child screamed at the top of her lungs.
When I tried to speak, nothing would come out, the words wouldn't allow themselves to be formed. Mother yelled at Father asking who this baby was and if he cheated on her, he replied many times that he didn't know and that this was a child that he didn't know, as he picked up a pale baby with little strands of hair on her bed. The baby watched on, with intellect in her eyes, and she stopped crying and looked directly into my eyes.
Father picked me up and he drove me down to the police station where he worked, I could tell because of the cruiser that he was driving and his uniform, they were focused and decided that I should be put in an Orphanage. But Father didn't allow it, he explained that he would take care of me, no matter the response of his wife.
I read his name tag and it said 'Charlie Swan', it didn't take long to figure out the Renee 'Mother' was carrying Isabella Swan. I knew this was true, because they had an entire argument when Charlie returned with me in his hands and he called his wife 'Renee' and his daughter 'Bells'. Some part of me thought about those names, but the longer I stayed in this world, the more my old memories would fade away.
I couldn't explain to you the difficulty being forced from your old home to another, but the pain and weight that I felt of my new life was hanging above my head, as a cloud of anxiety and depression that wouldn't leave for a long time. Bella was between three and four months old, I was placed in the same age range as her, though I was placed a grade above hers because her birthday was September 13th and wasn't allowed to be in Kindergarten because her birthday was just three days late.
But the years before Kindergarten was where most of the changes happened in the Swan family. It seemed my presence caused a lot of tension between Renee and Charlie because a month later she left. Renee seemed to have pretty bad depression after giving birth to Bella. She had postpartum depression and my sudden addition to the family didn't help. She was also very unhappy in Forks and moved to.
Charlie had to take care of his aging and sickly parents so I was watched by his friends either Harry Clearwater, Billy Black or Quil Atera IV. Since Billy and Quil had children, they made it into a play-date. Rebecca and Rachel Black were twins and had pretty intense and hyper energy, which was the opposite of Sam Uley who usually just watched on silently with Leah Clearwater. All of them were born in the year 1986 (though it wasn't as though I could tell them that I was born in a later time).
It was obvious that I wasn't Charlie's daughter, because we didn't look anything alike. I looked more like the kids in La Push than I did like the majority of the people in Forks. Although I was darker than the rest of the kids of La Push, with a mixture between copper and dark brown skin. Though we all had brown eyes. My hair must've been the biggest difference, it was long and reached longer than anyone else, and was mostly put in braids thanks to Sarah Black who taught me how to do my hair.
But it was still strange nonetheless. I still couldn't understand everything that had happened, and sometimes I would have moments of deja vu that I couldn't understand. I still missed my home, and some moments I would just sit up in my room, looking up at the sky wondering how my old family was. A few months after I turned three, Charlie's mother died. Helene Swan, who was my namesake, had been ill for a long time and was the main reason why Charlie wasn't able to leave Swan. His father, Geoffrey Swan died shortly after.
But some of the pain of their deaths decreased with the new life that was being born at the reserve. Jacob Black and a bunch of other kids were born in the year 1990 and were a cute bunch of kids, though the majority were boys. Whenever Bella would visit, over the summer, Jacob would follow her around everywhere. It was fun having Bella around because it was nice to see her and I couldn't help but feel guilty about the family's separation, though I knew that Charlie and Renee didn't get along much after Bella was born.
Bella was a clumsily little girl, that was a danger magnet, though she seemed to be more clumsy in Phoenix because she would get in the hospital almost every year. But eventually Bella stopped coming back. I wasn't necessarily a social butterfly but since Forks and La Push by extension were so small population wise, it was easy for people to know your face. I had become more introverted over the years and spent most of my time hanging outside and huddling up in my room alone.
Quil Atera IV died in a storm by the time I was seven and Sarah Black died in horrible car crash where her body was so mangled that her coffin was nailed shut. That caused a rift between me and the twins Rebecca and Rachel, who weren't able deal well with their mother's death and spent most of their attention of Jacob. Which wasn't the worst, but it did leave a whole in my heart.
A strange family, who were gorgeous and pale as snow, moved into Forks and things seemed to only get worse with her old friends. Sam's height and muscles skyrocketed and stopped talking to most of the people besides the Elders in La Push. Leah was had complained furiously that Sam had broken up on her and went for her best friend Emily Young instead. Since Sam was still young, Emily didn't bother paying much attention to his infatuation with her. But Leah was always stuck to me whenever she could. Leah had become my best friends overnight, she was already a good friend, and was one of the few people I enjoyed to see.
The strange family, called the Cullens, were a bunch of attractive teens and two adults Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, they kept to themselves mostly. The majority of them were in my year, besides their younger brother Edward, so I had seen them off and on. Alice Cullen, a girl about five inches shorter than her, had popped in and out to talk to me, but usually the Cullens left me alone with a confused and annoyed look on their faces.
I had seen Esme Cullen whenever she went out for groceries, she was always happy talk to me and her energy was infectious but I had yet to meet Carlisle Cullen, which was mostly because my fear and disgust of hospitals. I couldn't even watch tv shows that were set around hospitals or if a character had bad injuries. By the time I was a Junior, Rebecca and Rachel explained that they were going to leaving and going off to college because there were too many memories of their mother and asked if I could watch out for Jacob, which I replied with of course I would.
I spent most of my times around La Push with Leah, Sam had chosen to ignore my existence which always hurt, but I couldn't necessarily explain why. Leah was still sour about Sam, so we usually pretended that he didn't exist, which was sad since we were such good friends as kids. But life was normal, until Bella decided to come home.