Ritsu sneezed three times in a row.
"139." Kisa said.
Ritsu rubbed his nose with an unamused look, not even bothering to add up the numbers in his head.
"Sorry, it's a bit of a habit." Kisa said with a sheepish laugh when he noticed Ritsu's slight glare, getting his sword ready. "Anyway, I think it's about time I stopped going easy on you."
"You...you've been going easy on me?" Ritsu blanched. He had been losing over and over and over again and that had been Kisa going easy on him?
"Of course! It wouldn't have been fair if I came at you with everything right away! You wouldn't have had even a sliver of a chance!" Kisa said. "But!" He interjected excitedly. "You're getting better! Which means I need to up the challenge." He grinned wide.
Ritsu refrained from giving into the urge to hit his head against the nearest object, probably one of the masts if he had to choose.
"Don't look so dejected, Richan, you've got this." Kisa assured with a smile. "You should stop going easy on me too."
"But I wasn't?" Ritsu said, frowning and furrowing his eyebrows.
"Maybe not on purpose, but there's definitely hesitation in your movements. I see it every time we practice. Whether that's because you aren't confident or because you're afraid to actually hurt me, it's something you've got to overcome if you're ever gonna beat me."
"Well I can't just...become confident in the next thirty seconds." Ritsu huffed. "And I don't want to hurt you!" He added.
"Hm." Kisa thought for a moment before putting his sword down. "We're going to have a different kind of lesson today!" He said. "Go ahead and put your weapon away, at least for now. Maybe you'll need it later, maybe not, I don't know yet."
Ritsu frowned, but listened.
"First of all, you're not going to hurt me, so get that thought out of your brain." Kisa reached forward and poked Ritsu's forehead, making the teenager frown more. "Now, the confidence is more of a...complicated problem." Kisa said. "Let's start easy. Tell me three things you like about yourself."
Ritsu blinked and waited for a moment before he realized, oh no, he's serious. "Captain, is this necessary?"
"Completely!" Kisa exclaimed, sincere.
"I don't-Captain-this is silly." Ritsu complained.
"Why is it silly?" Kisa asked.
"It just is." Ritsu said dismissively.
"You think saying nice things about yourself is silly?" Kisa reiterated with raised eyebrows. "Why?"
"I don't-I just-" Ritsu tried to grasp for a solid reason.
"Is it because you don't think those nice things are true?"
You think you don't deserve nice things?
Ritsu felt a sick sense of deja vu wash over him as he remembered Saga's question. Ritsu had been so adamant about trying to reject his ring at that time, but had ended up giving in. Now that ring was out of his possession and he never wanted to see it or Saga again. Still, that didn't stop the siren from lurking in the darkest corners of his mind.
"Captain, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but I don't think it's helping." Ritsu said.
Kisa sighed. "Until you can list three things you like about yourself and genuinely mean it, we are not continuing training."
"What?!" Ritsu exclaimed, being a little louder than intended.
"Insecurity and lack of confidence is easily preyed upon by both the sea and those who dwell in it. You'll never get far like that, Richan. Listing three little things you like about yourself is only the first step to what I suspect will be a long, painful journey for us both because you're sooooooooooo stubborn." Kisa groaned out the last two words. "But, I'm willing to wait, even if you take days to come up with three things."
"Captain, we can't afford to just stop! If I don't practice, I'll lose progress!" Ritsu said desperately, trying to reason with what was a rather unreasonable man.
"Then I suggest you come up with three things quickly." Kisa smiled. "It's really not that hard, Richan, and don't worry about sounding like you're bragging or something like that." He said with a wave of his hand. "It's not arrogant to be nice to yourself. Someone's gotta be nice to you when no one else will be."
"Um...well...I…have nice eyes?" Ritsu said, trying not to wince or cringe as he spoke.
"Was that a question?" Kisa said with a tilt of his head.
"N-No." Ritsu said.
"Then don't say it like one. Try again." Kisa smiled softly.
"I-I have nice eyes." Ritsu repeated, feeling so incredibly stupid saying something like that out loud.
"You do!" Kisa agreed. "They're very pretty. What else?"
"Captain…" Ritsu complained.
"That was only one, Richan." Kisa frowned, looking weirdly serious for something Ritsu felt was frivolous.
"I...am very dedicated." Ritsu said, a little more firmly this time around. "Whenever I decide to do something, I follow through with it and I think that's a-admirable." He said, faltering slightly on the last word as it was weird to describe himself as admirable.
Kisa smiled and nodded. "I think the fact that you're on this ship is proof of that. One more thing."
Ritsu made a frustrated noise. "I don't know."
"Then shall we finish our lesson for today to give you time to think about it?" Kisa asked.
"No!" Ritsu said quickly. "No, I just-give me a second." He said.
Kisa nodded and waited, watching Ritsu patiently. Ritsu shifted from foot to foot nervously, looking away from Kisa as he felt a little embarrassed that he was finding this task this difficult.
"I always try to be considerate toward those around me. I mean, running away wasn't very considerate, but…" Ritsu said after a few more moments of silence.
"Don't try to backtrack." Kisa scolded. "I think you're a very considerate young man." He said. "But that list took you entirely too long to come up with, so before every lesson you are going to tell me three more things you like about yourself." He decided with a short nod and a smile.
"I don't really see how this is going to help." Ritsu admitted, reaching for his sword again.
"None of that." Kisa said, ignoring Ritsu's doubts as he reached forward to gently hit his hand away from the hilt of his sword.
"But I said three things!" Ritsu argued.
"We're going to do something else." Kisa grabbed his own sword. "You're going to watch me and my form. I'm going to do something wrong on purpose and you're going to correct me."
Ritsu frowned. "Okay?" He said.
"You need to prove to yourself that you know more than you think you do." Kisa explained. "All the knowledge is there, but you can't apply it because you're not confident in your capabilities. You're completely capable, Richan! You've just gotta realize it." He smiled. "So, you're the teacher today!"
"Captain, I think you're overestimating me just a little bit…" Ritsu said hesitantly.
"New rule!" Kisa exclaimed suddenly. "If you put yourself down, you have to follow up with two nice things about yourself. So be very careful with your future self criticisms, Richan. That will be your last free one."
"I-but-"
"And you've been arguing a lot with your Captain today." Kisa interrupted with a pointed look. "Are you finally going to let me get on with today's lesson or are you going to keep questioning your Captain?"
"Y-Yes Captain. I mean-no Captain-I'm not-please continue the lesson!" Ritsu said, any protests inside him shriveling up and disappearing.
Kisa smiled. "Watch me close then, Richan."
It was weird to end a lesson with Kisa and not feel physically exhausted. Ritsu hadn't picked up his own sword once the entire time. Kisa had done all of the swinging as he fought an invisible enemy under Ritsu's careful watch. However, it seemed the captain had never ending energy, barely breaking a sweat even as he demonstrated how to do things wrong.
Ritsu had hesitated to correct him on anything, feeling unsure the whole time as to whether or not his judgement was right. He never exactly ended up feeling confident in any of his corrections, but he went along with it regardless. It wasn't like he had been given much of a choice considering the other option was to sit around and do nothing. He hoped this line of training wouldn't be something they would do often, but he had a feeling this wasn't going to be the last time Ritsu was the 'teacher'.
Ritsu had eaten dinner quickly, not in the mood to stick around the table and talk. Instead he retreated from the social chatter to opt for laying in his hammock and listening to the waves outside the ship's walls. Although Kisa's 'lesson' was intended to make him feel better, it only made him feel worse as he realized how difficult it had been for him to come up with three things he liked about himself.
Was he really that unlikeable? Or was he just that unconfident? Whenever he thought of himself words like clumsy, dense, and cowardly came to mind. It was hard to push past that line of thinking and reach something more positive. He sighed and shut his eyes. Although today hadn't taken a physical toll on him, it had certainly taken a mental one and he was quite tired. It did not take long for him to fall asleep, the hammock gently swaying along with the movement of the ship.
"You'll never be anything but a coward." Saga sneered at Ritsu.
Ritsu opened his mouth, wanting to argue, wanting to ask why Saga was so damn mean to him when he himself had been nothing but kind, wanting to yell that the siren didn't have the right to speak to him that way, wanting to cry, wanting to tell him that wasn't true, wanting to apologize because he knew it was true, but in the end no sound came out.
"You ran away from home, you ran away from me, you just do nothing but run from your problems." Saga criticized.
You said I was a coward for not leaving my life behind, now I'm a coward for finally doing it?! Ritsu thought, but couldn't say. Would anything ever be good enough for Saga? Would Ritsu ever be able to do anything right?
"I don't even know why you're trying. At this point you should just give up." Saga said before laughing cruelly. "I can't believe you ever thought that I would love someone like you, that I would just drop everything and follow you to the ends of the Earth. You're honestly so pathetic, I feel kind of bad for you." Saga said, crossing his arms as he looked down at Ritsu with a mixture of pity and disgust. "I'm glad I never have to see you again. Putting up with you was getting really annoying."
Ritsu watched Saga with blurred vision as tears filled his eyes. The siren turned away from him and began to walk. Despite the cruel words, Ritsu still reached toward him desperately, wanting to grab on to him and never let go, but no matter how hard Ritsu tried to catch up with him and hold him close the siren was always just out of his reach.
Don't go, Ritsu thought desperately, please, please don't go! Don't leave me behind!
Ritsu took another step forward toward Saga's disappearing form and fell through the ground, suddenly engulfed in water. He was sinking, sinking, sinking, unable to swim upward as something unseen dragged him down until he could no longer see the light of the sun with no sign of the siren to come and save him.
Why would Saga bother trying to save a coward like him?
"Saga!" Ritsu woke up with a gasp, sitting up way too quickly and falling out of his hammock. He landed on the ground with a loud thunk and a groan.
This space was shared among the pirates, those who had turned in for the night in their own hammocks being disturbed by the noise and poking their heads up.
"Everything alright over there?" One called out as others grumbled and tried to go back to sleep upon realizing it was probably nothing.
"Yes, sorry. Just a bad dream." Ritsu said quickly, extremely embarrassed from the outburst and feeling guilty for waking others up. He scrambled back into the hammock, ignoring the soreness he now felt in his body from his fall. He hoped the others hadn't realized whose name he had shouted. God, could he be any more pathetic?
If you put yourself down, you have to follow up with two nice things about yourself, Kisa's voice echoed in Ritsu's head.
Thankfully, Kisa couldn't read his mind, so Ritsu would not be doing that. Besides, it was true. Here he was having desperate nightmares about a boy he was supposed to be trying to forget, a boy who couldn't care less about Ritsu, but Ritsu couldn't stop thinking about him. That was practically the definition of pathetic.
Ritsu took a deep breath, but his nerves were far too frayed to go back to sleep, so he got back out of his hammock as quietly as possible and went to the upper deck. He sighed, leaning over the railing as he breathed in the salty air. He watched the dark waves below, enjoying the lull of the night. Normally the ship was busy with men doing their jobs and talking to each other jovially, but now there was little other than the creaking of the ship and the sound of the ocean. It wasn't often that Ritsu got a quiet moment on the boat, so it was a welcomed change, especially after his nightmare.
The stone pendant dangled off Ritsu's neck as he leaned forward. He reached up to gently grip it with one hand, running his thumb over it. It was smooth and cool to the touch. It felt like it vibrated ever so slightly with an underlying energy just waiting to be put to use. Although it was a gift from the cursed Saga, it was somehow a comfort to have. To know that it protected him made Ritsu feel a little bit better.
There were still crewmates drifting to and from the upper deck, including a person always stationed at the helm, but they left Ritsu alone, much to his relief. It seemed to be an unspoken rule among everyone not to break the peacefulness of the night unless absolutely necessary. The calm water, twinkling stars, and the familiar sound of wood groaning gently managed to soothe Ritsu's frazzled mind. However, he did not want to return to his hammock yet. He feared another nightmare might plague him and he wanted to avoid that possibility for as long as he could.
I might as well do something at least a little useful while I'm up, Ritsu thought. This was precisely why he could never have a quiet moment: he never allowed himself to have one. He got far too restless just sitting around and doing nothing. He strolled around the upper deck, checking the sails and such, but not daring to touch anything. He quizzed himself on the different parts of the ship and the different kinds of knots tied in the ropes. He walked toward the front of the ship, the bow, he reminded himself and looked out into the night to see if there was anything in the direction the ship was heading.
All Ritsu could see was the dark sea and sky: no land, no cliffs, no other ships. It dawned on Ritsu for the first time how he really was away from home, away from everything and everyone he'd ever known. He was in the middle of the ocean and was heading toward a new, seemingly endless world. It was overwhelming, scary, terrifying even, but also unbelievably thrilling. Ritsu could do anything with this new life, could be anyone. The freedom he had been chasing after wasn't just a concept, it wasn't something he still had to work toward, it was here, it was right in front of him and it was up to him what to do with it.
What do I want to do? Ritsu wondered. He hadn't thought much past 'get away from the castle' other than 'be with Saga' and that second part of the plan had totally gone out the window. Becoming a pirate certainly hadn't been an option he considered, it was more something he had stumbled into, but he liked being on the sea and he enjoyed the company of the other crew members. Of course, he hadn't seen the more violent and ruthless side of the ocean yet, but that's what he was training for, right? But did he really want to be a pirate or did he just enjoy the sailing and the people on the ship? He had been working so hard to stay this whole time but hadn't even considered whether or not he actually wanted to be a swashbuckling sailor.
I don't want to leave, Ritsu thought firmly. He was certain of that much. Plus, becoming a pirate didn't sound too bad. He definitely preferred that over becoming a king and if that's what he needed to do in order to stick around then he would. He only hoped he'd be capable of committing more...shady acts. He was perfectly aware that pirates weren't exactly law abiding citizens. Still, there would be certain lines he would not cross and he hoped that the others on this ship had enough morals to not cross those lines as well.
I suppose I don't know any of them that well, when I really think about it, Ritsu frowned. Kisa didn't seem like the type to be totally ruthless and therefore he doubted Kisa ran his ship that way, but in the end he truly didn't know how Kisa ran things around here when it came to 'business'. There had yet to be any run in with the law, other pirates, or potential people to plunder from. Regardless, at the end of the day Ritsu would not blindly follow an order that went directly against his beliefs. If he and Kisa ever clashed then Ritsu would deal with the consequences, even if that included being kicked off the crew. However, he hoped that would not happen.
Kisa never did answer me when I asked where we were going, Ritsu remembered with a frown as he continued to stare out into the water. He wondered if Kisa even had a plan. Kisa seemed like the type of person to go with the flow and wing it, but Ritsu doubted Hatori would allow something like that. Surely there had to be some sort of goal they were working towards? Was he not being told on purpose or had it slipped Kisa's mind?
Is it dangerous? Does he not want to scare me off? Or is it bad? Maybe I'm not allowed to be involved yet? Ritsu wondered. He would have to ask tomorrow and not let himself get distracted by training until he received a straight answer. He might have been the very bottom rung of the crew, but he still deserved to know where they were headed! Perhaps he wouldn't be allowed to know all the details, but he'd be fine with the most basic of information.
Ritsu began to shudder, a chill setting in as the night got later. He decided to take it as a sign to turn back in, quietly returning to his hammock and carefully climbing in. Slowly, he fell back asleep, managing to avoid any further nightmares, at least for tonight.
"Good morning, Richan! Sleep well?" Kisa asked with a smile.
"Just fine." Ritsu said dismissively. "I have a question for you-"
"Three nice things about yourself first!" Kisa beamed.
Ritsu tried to scramble for three things quickly, wanting to get this out of the way. "I have a nice smile, I...uh...I'm a fast reader, which is a good thing I guess? And a fast learner too!"
"Good, that was much quicker!" Kisa said.
"Where are we going, Captain?" Ritsu asked before Kisa could steer the conversation elsewhere. "You never told me."
"I didn't?" Kisa blinked. "Oops! Sorry, Richan." He smiled easily. "Our current mark is to intercept one of the many trade routes. There's ones closer to the Kohinata Kingdom, but I thought it better to get some distance between us and them, lest they try to interfere with our business and end up finding you. Nothing too terrible, at least I don't think: raid a few ships, cross our fingers there's no navy nearby, and then head back to land to do business with one of our fences." He explained.
"Fences?" Ritsu echoed.
"Ah, a person who will buy stolen goods." Kisa explained. "That is, after we decide what we want to keep."
"We won't be going back to the Kohinata Kingdom for that, will we?" Ritsu asked a little nervously.
"No, no, we don't have a fence there." Kisa assured.
Ritsu nodded, not trying to hide his relief.
"So, we better keep training to get you ready for your first raid!" Kisa beamed. "I'm expecting great things from you Richan!" He added. "Merchants aren't trained fighters, but they aren't pushovers either! And they usually have some sort of hired help to defend them from the likes of us."
Ritsu nodded once more, less confidently this time, but he picked up his sword regardless.
I hope I can meet both of our expectations, Captain...