Gender neutral reader. Go by they/them.

Now usually, getting called into the Hokage's office is akin to being sent to the principal. It's a dreaded task that usually spells out trouble. Jiraiya knows he's not in trouble. And now that the place is under new management, he ain't so dreading to head in.

The disapproving smile on Tsunade's face at him bursting in unannounced is always worth it. Especially when she's doing something she's not supposed to. Like drinking on the job.

"I thought you were Shizune." She said with a relieved sigh.

"What gave me away?" He jokingly asks as he sauntered in and found the perfect corner on her side of the desk to sit on.

"The loud heavy stepping. Honestly how do you infiltrate so many places stomping around like an elephant?"

"Usually my charms and dashing good looks."

She rolls her eyes. She offered him the bottle she had snuck into her office. He takes it and has a drink.

"So why did ya call me in? Miss me that much?" Jiraiya asks.

"In your dreams. I have a tricky assignment for you." She replied. She was surprisingly down to business. She began to pick through the files on her desk. "I want you to be fully informed before I ask anything of you."

"Sounds serious."

"It is."

Tsunade found the file she was looking for and plucked it from the pile. She swivelled in her chair to face him and held it out. Jiraiya took it from her with a cautionary glance to her face. He frowns when she didn't give anything away with her neutral tone. Unable to come to any guesses as to what this file details, he opens it.

The bottle he was holding slips from his grasp. It clatters to the floor as his companion didn't feel the need to save it. It was almost empty anyways. His shock was apparent. Eyes wide and searching every inch of the page. Specifically the picture placed so casually in the papers as if it wasn't monumental.

"I thought they... died? How?" He asks softly.

But the answer was right there on the paper. Recruited into Roots. You were snatched up by that fiend Danzo when you were young. Looking at you now... you hardly changed. Still cute. It's a shame your face is always covered by a mask.

A pang of bitter nostalgia fills him. All these years he thought you were gone. The time he spent mourning someone he thought he lost was many. In his youth, Jiraiya and you were close. When you suddenly disappeared and no one would tell him why, he assumed it was because you died and no one wanted to say it. To die so young is a tragedy. To be an elite of this nature is almost just as tragic.

"What are you planning?" He asks as he mindlessly moved his finger over your portrait. He always found you pretty. It's a shame he never got to say it.

"Maybe it's a foolish goal but.. I want to disband the Roots." Tsunade replied.

"Disband?" Jiraiya asks another question. He looked away from the file to lock eyes with her. "How on earth do you plan on doing that?"

"By getting eyes on the inside. The only file I managed to get was theirs. If they remember you then maybe..."

"You want me to sway them? Yeesh. I'm charming but not a miracle worker."

"Don't sell yourself short."

"They've been in Roots for over half their life. What makes you think they can see passed all that fucked up brainwashing they do?"

"Have some faith in me, you butt." She said with a light hit to his leg. "This isn't just on a whim. I've heard chatter that they desire a way out, but being so long term and practically in the inner circle of Roots, Danzo has denied the notion. Even if that dickhead is in charge of that branch, I have ultimate power over who gets to stay an Anbu."

"Ah." Now he understands.

Tsunade is using him to use you. If you remember him and rekindle the relationship then maybe you'll talk. With a little bit of persuasion to talk about the inner workings of Roots the prize of retirement will be dangled in front of you finally in reach.

"That's a little dirty, isn't it? Baiting Anbu retirement in exchange for information?"

"At this point I'd go to any lengths to get my foot in the door into Roots. Danzo has gotten too comfortable going over my head to try and take some power. It's time I fired back."

"So you plan to go by any means?"

"Only if you are." Tsunade stood and held his gaze. "Are you with me?"

Jiraiya stared at her for several moments. There's not a trace of doubt or hesitation. She wants this. She's determined. She put her mind to it. Danzo is going to take a hit. It's about time that dick gets his comeuppance.

"I'm with you."

They both share a smile. The next day the plan was put into action...

Answering calls for Lady Hokage isn't normally what you do. But you will comply. Perhaps it's a tad rebellious to... Lord Danzo won't like you being so close to her. But.. you like her. Her ideals... make... sense.

Something fuzzy buzzes in your brain. Like an implanted warning bell telling you to not to think such things. You sigh and wander into the inn you were asked to meet an informant in. Baby steps... just see what this is about.

You give the password and get the key. You walk up the stairs to the correct floor to the correct room. Then you use the key to open the door and pause.

Jiraiya.

You haven't seen him up close in years. Being in a bedroom with him is sending tingles up and down your spine. It's the first time you felt anxiety in so long. He looks good.

"Hey... It's good to see you too." He broke the awkward silence with a greeting.

At the moment he's leaning against the desk that's pressed against the wall of the small room. It feels really small. A couple of steps and he's in front of you. He smells... nice. Like tobacco and earth after it rains. Your heart is racing.

"I missed you."

You don't say anything. Jiraiya takes his time. As if he's confronting a flighty deer. His warm fingers curl around the edge of your mask. They just graze your skin. He pulls it off slowly.

Seeing your face in person is different than a photo. He smiles as he finally gets to see it. It's a shame it's always covered. The mask clatters to the floor as he carelessly drops it.

"What are you-?"

Your question falls quiet when he hugs you. Many things rise inside of you. Warmth. Fear. Comfort. Uncertainty. You don't hug him back. You... don't know what to do.

"I thought you died. There's no words to describe how happy I am." He said in a quiet voice.

His voice is so deep. With your ear close to his throat you can hear the complexities of his rich voice. It's nice. Slowly you raise your hands and rest them on his back. He's very warm. In situations like this words often evade you. You aren't good at talking. But for once, you can think of something to say.

"I missed you too."

"You remember being my friend, right?"

You nod. Jiraiya released you and stood up straight. He placed his hands on your shoulders firmly. His expression is that of determination.

"And you want out of the Roots. I know you do."

You stare at him. How does he know that? Did Lady Tsunade tell him something? Not even she knew that you have doubts about your roll now. But as Hokage she can find anything out.

"Be my friend again. Let's get you out of Anbu." He insists. That way he says it makes it seem completely possible. He smiles at you and gives your shoulders a squeeze. "You've spent far too many years in the shadows."

"There's nothing you can do."

"Yes there is. Tsunade has the power to demote anyone even Roots members."

You don't say anything for a while. You're considering it carefully. A smile tugs on the corner of Jiraiya's mouth. As he remembers it you were always cautious like that. Calculated with every move. No wonder you climbed the ranks so quickly.

"Do you remember what it was like to be a nobody?" He asks. He sighs wistfully as he thinks about the past. "No one cared what we did. No one cared who we were. It's the kind of freedom I miss."

"Is that why you travel? So you can be a nobody in a town where no one knows you?"

"Heh... I guess so."

"I..." You trail off. "I'm still a nobody. Why do you care so much about me?"

"You deserve better. You aren't free. And I can tell you aren't happy."

That is true. You haven't been happy in a long time. But what do your feelings matter? You're just a tool. A means to an end. Like all shinobi are. Movement from the corner of your eye alerted you. You focus on it.

Jiraiya is touching you again. His fingers have moved up to caress your cheek. It's been so long since someone had touched you. You nuzzle into it. You expected to be stronger but... You did miss it. The feel of someone with you.

The walls you had thought were long fortified crumble with Jiraiya. He guided your head, tilting it and cradling it. You melt into it. His warmth. His touch. The feel of his lips against yours.

"Okay... I'll help you." You whisper. "I don't want to be Anbu anymore."

"Great... Let's do it."

Like everything it came with a price. You sat down with your friend and he asked you for information. He wants to know about Danzo. But there's a problem with that. There's not many words you can say. All you can do is stick your tongue out.

It takes a moment to process. Jiraiya sighs as he realizes what you are showing him. A seal that prevents you from talking. Now that's just cruel. Is Danzo that paranoid? Well to be fair you are betraying your platoon.

"What can you tell me?"

"Nothing concerning my master."

"He's not your master."

"Oh... okay."

There's somethings that make you seem naive. It's a wonder what kind of crazy brainwashing Danzo put you through. You shouldn't be told that. You are a free person. Yet you don't seem to understand that. You are used to being ordered around. Roots are... messed up. It's all the more reason to try and cause some problems.

Tsunade is getting a little impatient with you too. She's pestering her partner in crime for more information. But it's slow going. The seal makes it difficult. You talk about something then you suddenly fall dead silent. Usually with your mouth hanging open and jaw twitching. But nothing falls from your lips. It's cruel. So cruel that you have a gag seal. Such a seal ought to be illegal.

You have Jiraiya to comfort you. You cuddle up to him when you can't speak. It's clear you miss the intimacies of a human relationship. But you hesitate about a few things. There's a lack of trust. You want to but you are cautious of him. Smart but annoying.

Maybe it's not moral, but it's a viable interrogation tactic. And seeing you cry out and gasp from his touch was pretty hot. You ain't bad to look at either. You are his type.

It's been a long time since someone had done something like this to you. Hold you. Touch you. Keep you in place as his hips meet your backside with each powerful thrust. It's the first time sex felt like it meant something. It was more than just fulfilling needs. Jiraiya made you feel good. You belong somewhere with him.

You do trust him. You cuddle up to him during the moments that are meant for gentle talks. You can't talk about Danzo but you can tell him other things. Trade secrets that only Roots would know. The building layout. The secret meeting locations. If this is what it takes to get out of the shadows then you'll tell him everything.

"Once you're officially out I'll take you on a date, okay?" Jiraiya promises you.

Things like that only get you more excited. You nod and wrap your arms around him. He returns the hug. You feel safe in his arms. Which is odd, considering you have the skills to kill practically anyone.

It feels bad. Some guilt began to eat at Jiraiya for lying to you. Is it all lies? He's not too sure anymore. He slept with you for answers but it felt good. He spends all his free time with you and it's fun. When he reports to Tsunade he spends half his time babbling about nothing to her. She's gotten a little short with him for spending his time with you doing things like watching movies in bed or cooking a meal together. It was much more fun than talking about Roots. Since he can't have dates with you outside all the inside activities get sidetracked all the time.

"They're still a Roots Anbu. You can't get so personal with them." Tsunade said.

"Why not?"

"They're trained to be manipulative. While they've been cooperative there's nothing we can truly take at face value."

"Yeah because what we are doing totally isn't manipulative." Jiraiya sarcastically retorted.

"I'm just saying to keep your wits about you. For all we know we could be being played by Danzo. We'll get a better idea of their true intentions once we talk more about their retirement."

"What do you mean by that? You aren't going to bait them are you?"

"No. I'll still hand them their retirement, so long as they continue to give us good intel. I just think we should be more cautious."

He sighs and agrees. Yeah he's having a great time with you. He's got back someone he missed dearly and it's so much fun to catch up on all that lost time. But you're also still an Anbu with a sworn allegiance to Danzo.

Yet despite that dark thought he can't help but think that it's all a mistrustful accusation. When he looks into your eyes he can see your honesty. That's what makes a person.. their eyes tell all. And your eyes always say the truth. They glimmer with pride and excitement when you talk. They're pretty too.

"Just be careful. That's all I'm asking." Tsunade warns him again before he leaves.

"I will." He replies.

Once turned around away from her he rolls his eyes. She overthinks things sometimes. You can be trusted. He makes his way to the usual place you and him meet.

You don't show. There's no note explaining your absence.

It's the same for the next week.

Why...? Where? Things were going so well. Why are you suddenly gone again?

It feels... awful. Like someone punched him in the chest. There's nothing here to remind Jiraiya of you. You don't leave traces. Not a shirt. Nor a single piece of jewelry. It's like you were never here. Never apart of his life.

You can't just disappear.

Why?

That's all he can ask. He just... misses you. Yeah the information was super helpful but spending all his time with you was so wonderful. It's been a while since he's had so much fun with someone. Without you here a cold loneliness settles in around him.

Not knowing why began to consume his thoughts. Tsunade considered this mission a failure. She has no idea what happened to you. That answer is not acceptable. She might not know but someone else would.

"What did you do?" Jiraiya asks the last person he ever wanted to talk to.

"I was wondering if you cared enough to come and ask me. Or did it take you that long to get over yourself?" Danzo replied.

Everything about this scheming old bastard pisses Jiraiya off. The lack of empathy. The lack of... any positive emotions. How on earth did Hiruzen work with this man for so long without ripping his miserable head off?

"You shouldn't avoid the question if I were you. Where are they?"

"On a mission."

He hissed between his teeth. Danzo has always been uncooperative. Right now it's angering Jiraiya enough to consider hitting the evil dickweed in the face and snapping that stupid cane over his knee.

"On a mission where?" He presses for more, doing his best to keep his composure.

"Tell me, boy." The older man said. He paused to take a sip of the tea he's drinking. "Why do you care so much for my subordinate? I figured you had your fun seducing them and getting them to tell you my trade secrets."

"I... care about them. They're my friend."

"That's what makes you people so weak. Good shinobi don't feel."

"You're wrong. I don't have the time to tell you why. It would take too long. Especially for your old brain." Jiraiya said. He stares at Danzo with much more determination. "Tell me where they are."

It goes dead silent in the room as they stare at each other.

After another long agonizingly drawn out sip, Danzo said only one word.

Jiraiya felt his heart drop. You are in bigger trouble than he thought you were. And it's cruel that Danzo let you go alone. Even someone as talented as you can't handle a mission like this by yourself. Without another word he turned around and marched out...

...

Everything hurts. Your throat burns. Your body is aching from every nerve. It is hard to keep your eyes open for long. This cell... this base will be your grave. The door creaks open. For a moment you wonder if your captor will finally finish you off. With a heavy thunk a new person gets added to your cell. You don't react much. What's the point?

"I can see why you decided to stay here. It's lovely."

You look up from the dirty ground to your new companion. That voice is unmistakable.

"Jiraiya?..." You mutter.

Him of all people is in front of you. He looks different. He's missing his gear. No armour. He has on the basic uniform including the headband. He looks like any other high ranking Leaf ninja. He does look nice in full uniform but it's odd to say the least. Especially with the cut over his brow. He was struck with something... and he feigned being knocked out as he got dragged in here. He's bound with his hands behind his back and sitting in front of you as if this were a casual meet up.

"I wanted to make sure they took me prisoner." He said simply. He can tell you are confused by his uniform. "I'm not so recognizable when I look like any other grunt. If they knew I was more high profile or suspicious..."

"They would have murdered you. I get it."

"Don't be so short with me, babe. I got here when I could."

"Why?"

"Why?" Jiraiya repeated in offence. "What do you mean why?"

You blink at him the best you can. One of your eyes is swollen shut. The other feels as if it could shut and stay shut. The man you thought was your friend is looking you over. He's worried about you. But...

"I overheard you and Lady Hokage. I'm just... a means to an end."

Their cruel words were enough. Lady Tsunade doesn't believe in you. Neither does Jiraiya. They are liars. And it was stupid to think otherwise. No one wants to save you.

"No... No you aren't." He said with a shake of his head. "I care about you. You're my friend."

You don't reply. You lower gaze again. Sometimes feeling again is hard. He hurt you. But you have no wounds to show for it. But your heart feels as if he'd took it from your chest and left you with a gaping wound.

"Is that why you took this mission?" He asks.

"I saw it as my only way out. If you weren't going to do it then it looked like only death could get me out. I don't care about pleasing Danzo. There are plenty more who can replace me."

"I am going to get you out." Jiraiya said. He shifted to his knees and shuffled towards you. "And you aren't replaceable. Not to me."

You stare at him. His face is sad and concerned. Suddenly he grimaced. His arms flex. His body swayed as if he was trying to scratch an itch in the middle of his back. There's a loud snap and his arms rush to his front. The rope that bound his wrists are broken. Goodness he is strong.

"If you think that's impressive, I got plenty of other tricks I can show you!" He joked.

There's clanging on the solid iron door to the cell.

"Shut up in there!" The guard yelled.

Like a child Jiraiya made a face at the door before returning his attention to you. He began to work on your bindings.

"How hurt are you?" He asks.

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Look at me."

He puts his fingers under your jaw and guides you to face him. He gently brushed back stray hair away from your face and looks over your wounds with sorrow.

"I can't lose you again."

The pressure and pain on your wrists disappear. His words they... It's been so long but you do remember. In a way the tears are helping. They cool off your face and soothe your wounds for a moment or so.

When he opens his arms you crawl into them. He holds you tightly. The security you sorely missed returned. The warmth of his body seeps into you. You missed him.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." Jiraiya said.

"Just don't do it again."

Your body lurched as he chuckled. His fingers run through your hair and he kisses the top of your head.

"Let's get out of here."

"You have a plan?" You ask as you sit up to look him in the eyes.

"Well, as cool and powerful as we are I don't think we can overpower a whole base. Especially with you in your condition."

"Then... what do we do?"

"Like I said before. I have plenty of tricks." Jiraiya grinned as he finished his sentence. "How do you think I got out of so many situations like this? I'm practically an escape artist at this point!"

He released you to bite his thumb and weave signs. He pressed his hand firmly to the ground and a cloud of smoke enveloped the area he placed his hand. When it settled it revealed a toad of a normal toad size. It still had the unmistakable bright colours of a summon and also had a cork in its mouth like it were a soother.

"I usually only use this guy for a safe place to interrogate but he's also pretty useful in getting out of places in a pinch." Jiraiya explained as he gestured to the little guy. "Lucky for us this place has a window big enough for him to crawl through."

He pointed to the window that only had iron bars on it near the top of the room. It was more like a cruel joke. The outside was so close but unobtainable. But now it's the only way out undetected.

"But... my mission." You say.

"You failed. There's nothing more you can do here that won't end your life." He was blunt and to the point. He softened the blow with another caress of your head and a light kiss to your dry lips. "We can disassemble this base later. We have an advantage now that we know the layout. They haven't caused any major problems yet anyways."

"We're leaving them the chance to."

He sighs. Your sense of morality has never really changed at least. You believe you are doing good in the world. But killing yourself attempting to rout this group of rogues will do no good.

"I'll make Tsunade send in a team the moment we get back, okay?"

"...Okay."

You rest your head on his shoulder. Your heavy eyes close. With him you can relax. It's... nice to find comfort in someone. You trust him to get you home. He can take you anywhere and you don't mind. So long as you have Jiraiya you can go anywhere.

"Now this is gonna feel a little weird. Kinda like when your ears pop but it's your whole body." He warned. "Something about the compression when going into a toad's stomach."

You hum in acknowledgment. There's a popping sound, then sucking. His warning rang true and an odd sensation of falling but at a controlled pace overwhelms you. Your body feels compressed and under an odd pressure. You crack open your eye to see pink slimy walls that are pulsing and moving. Your friend... he doesn't let you go. And the journey home is comfortable with him.

It takes a couple of days but you get back on your feet. You have no lingering injuries. A couple of bruises, a few cuts but nothing that you can't heal from. Especially with a kind not so skilled nurse to help you out, with lots of kisses and misplaced bandages.

You got summoned to see Lady Hokage immediately. You do as the summon says and head to the tower. It wasn't only her in her office but Jiraiya as well. You share a smile with him.

"How you feeling?" He asked.

"Much better." You reply.

He smiles and you return it. He casts a look over to Tsunade. She nods and pulls out a file. She stated your name firmly.

"This is your file. In it are some details I think you'll find interesting." She said as she pushed it across her desk.

You take a step forward and grab the file. You open it. The first thing you see is your face. But the details underneath it...

"But... Roots? I thought I had more to do." You question.

"I've asked too much of you already." Tsunade answered. Her gaze casts down in a thoughtful but rueful way. "I may not be able to disassemble the Roots right now but what you have provided us is enough to at least make some steps to change it."

"And you don't want my help with that?"

"No. Like I said, you have done more than enough."

Jiraiya moves from beside her desk to right in front of you. He put his hands on your shoulders and explained more thoroughly. By his expression and demeanour he's excited to tell you all about it.

You were declared killed in action. Tsunade and Jiraiya faked your death after your last mission. As far as anyone in Roots cares you died doing your job. You won't be bothered by them. In your file is a new name for you to go by. It has a fake background for you to rely on if anyone asks anything.

It's a fresh start.

New name.

New life.

New everything.

You smile. It's exactly what you wanted. And the background that was written was done by a writer's hand. It's simple but full of details that only someone close to you would know. But they continued on where you joined the Roots. It's a good life. One you should have lived.

You hug Jiraiya. If not for him then you would never have gotten out. He saved you. He cared when no one else did. He returned your hug. With him you feel whole. As if the life in your file... actually happened when you are with him.

"I believe I promised someone a date." He said. He began to say your name but stopped short. He then said the name you were given as a brand new citizen. "Wanna grab a bite?"

"I'd love to." You answer.

He gestured for you to go first. You do so with a heartfelt thanks to Tsunade. If not for her you wouldn't have gotten out either. Your date keeps his hand on your lower back as he escorted you out.

For the first time in forever you walk the streets in the daylight. The village who forgot about you feels like home again. The hustle and bustle of the villagers. The noises. The life. You haven't experienced it since you were a young child. Jiraiya was with you then too. But now... It's... better.

"You were right." You spoke suddenly.

Jiraiya looks at you curiously, inviting you to continue on. You smile at him and hold his hand.

"Life is much better lived in the light."

A smile replaces his curious expression. He stops walking and you do as well at his side. He leans down and kisses you. When he pulled back he didn't stand straight up. He moved so his lips are tickling your ear. His soft whisper then graced your ear.

"It's much brighter when I live it with you."