Jiraiya as Hokage au. Where he has a child from a previous relationship.

It's quite the honour to be chosen to be anything for Lord Hokage. Your position is one not sung about in songs or told in great tales, but it's still important. You watch over the daughter his lordship, Himari. As the nanny it is your job to make sure she is safe.

It's not really a surprise why Jiraiya picked you. You have lots of experience. A medical ninja turned nanny. An odd career choice but the war had taken its toll on you. The tending of so many wounded among all the suffering... so many not making it. It's rough. You left as soon as you could and took a less intimidating job. But you have the grit to assist a child if they are ever in need. You have a good track record and have never lost a child you've cared for. Hence why Jiraiya trusts you. Himari has an anaphylactic allergy to strawberries. If ever she needed you can stick her leg with an epipen.

Himari took a long time to adjust to her school life. It took some time for both her and her papa to become used to having long hours away from each other. Before Jiraiya became the fourth leader he was wandering the world with Himari. For a long time it was just him and her. They never parted until he accepted the position of Hokage.

But children are resilient. Himari has proved she's capable of change. She's made friends. She's doing well in her studies. Lord Jiraiya is growing more accustomed to being away from her. He was the one you were more worried about. He was quite sad whenever he had to leave his daughter behind.

You always check in with him after dropping off Himari. There's been the occasional time he's had to work late and asked you to pick her up from school. But most times when you visit him, it's usually to talk.

He seems... lonely. The only person in his life that he's very close to is Himari. There's no one else.

It's obvious that the mama isn't in the picture. Whatever he went through has left a mark on him. He loves talking about Himari but it seems you are the only adult who likes to listen to it and he speaks fondly of no one else.

He has pictures on his desk. And it paints a clear picture of the past even if he doesn't talk about it. There's the picture the hospital took of Himari as a newborn with all her information written neatly underneath the oval frame that contained her picture. Her size and weight is written down, as well as daughter of but it only listed Jiraiya. The mother isn't listed. The space for her name is left blank. Another picture beside it is one where Himari looks a couple of months old being held by Jiraiya. She's got on one of those cute baby dresses and the headband that has a crotchet flower. The next one was more recent, in fact you shot this picture a month ago. With him in holding Himari, she has on his Hokage hat and both of them are smiling. It's the same smile on both of them. She inherited so much from him. Except for her hair. Her hair is pale blonde. The rest of her is all her father but that little tidbit of her hair is the only remnants of her mother. There's nothing else to go off of.

It isn't any of your business but it's very curious isn't it? Did the mother die? There's a heavy vibe in the air to not talk about it. Jiraiya doesn't even have to say anything to give off his intentions to never speak of it. It's the type of linger that only pain of loss can bring. Something bad did happen with the mother and it's the last thing he wants to talk about.

"Himari and her friend, Kya, want to have a play date later today." He said as he looks over the more recent picture. "Unfortunately I have a meeting that I can't miss. Do you mind supervising in my absence? I know you don't usually work weekends."

"Sure. I don't mind."

He sighs with relief and thanks you. He expected more resistance. But you don't really have anything to do. You're single and it's hard to get a date. Men hear childcare worker and they get spooked thinking you want kids immediately. Unless they're a teacher, but not a lot of them are much to look at. If only there were more men like... Jiraiya. He's nice. A little inappropriately flirty sometimes but a good person all the same. He's handsome and has a good head on his shoulders. He's a good man and friend.

But it's not like you can pursue your boss. As nice as he is he's Lord Hokage. Being a diplomat's wife would be hard. It's a life you tried to get away from. Being apart of the military was too much. You'd literally marry back into it.

You're getting ahead of yourself. He doesn't even like you like that. You aren't even dating him. But it wouldn't be a lie to say you've had the occasional fantasy.

"It's in an hour. At the playground. Himari should be finished up with her lesson by then."

Himari is turning out to be a bit of an overachiever. She along with some other gifted children are taking extra courses over the weekends to learn some more advanced studies a grade or two above their current levels. The point of it is possibly having some early graduates and getting these smart kiddos to get along rather than compete. They could get put on a team. Kya is in the lesson too. She and Himari get along like peas and carrots. But they hardly get to spend time with each other outside of school. Hence the play date today.

"She's turning out to be quite clever, isn't she?" You say with a fond smile. You love all the children you nanny but Himari is special.

"Yeah..." Jiraiya agreed as he looks over at the frame that held the most recent picture. "Like her mama."

"Her mama?"

Hey he brought it up. Your inquiry still seemed to spoil his mood. He frowned and his brows turn to a sad furrow. That's not good. It seems something horrible did happen to whoever mothered Himari.

"Nothing... It's not worth talking about. I'll be out of my meeting by six at the latest."

"Right. I'll be off then." You say as you stand. He doesn't want you around. You took a chance and it backfired. You upset him with that little nudge for more information.

Yeah it's not your business but your curiosity got the better of you. How Jiraiya became a single father will always be a mystery. You take your leave. But you did hesitate for a moment, looking back at him.

Lately things have been a little off between you and him. It's like he suddenly wanted distance. As if you prodded a nerve or upset him. Before his sudden cold shoulder you and him have been getting along famously. Once upon a time you'd get nasty looks from the other people that work in the tower because of how loudly you and him talk and how often the both of you laugh. But now he hardly opens up about his personal life beyond Himari. Something is bugging him but... is it your place to ask what? It's clear he's at least contemplating you and the relationship he wants with you. Maybe he just wants something professional after all.

You head to the academy and sit outside on the bench that the school set outside of classrooms for either trouble makers or parents waiting for their kids. You pull out the book you brought along to make the time waiting go by quicker.

The door to the class opened after some time and the kids came pouring out. During your reading other parents had come to wait in the hall as well. Himari came straight to you.

"Where's papa?" She asks.

"Your papa had an important meeting to go to. So I'll be watching over you and Kya until he can come and see you."

"Okay." She stood beside you and grabbed your hand. "Kya and her mama already left."

"Then we should get going."

You stand and walk with her to the playground. Once she saw her friend at the swings, Himari took off running to join in. There's a woman at the edge of the sandbox watching over them. You join her and introduce yourself. As the only other adult there it's safe to assume she's Kya's mother.

"Oh... where's Lord Hokage?" She asks.

"He had an important meeting he couldn't get out of. I'm chaperoning Himari until he's free."

She looks disappointed. Was she hoping to have a bit of a play date herself? Himari has talked about how Kya is a lot like her. Kya doesn't have a father. They bond over having only one parent and ask what it's like to be raised by their respective parent. Jiraiya is desirable for a partner. It wouldn't be a surprise if Kya's mama was hoping to shoot her shot with Lord Hokage today.

You sit with her in complete awkward silence. Your attention is best focused on Himari. She's running around the playground happily with her friend. It's nice to see her happy. Being in school is bringing her out of her shell. When you first met her she hardly said hi to you. She's cautious of new people but is lovely once she determined that the new person is someone she likes.

"Do you know if Lord Hokage is seeing anyone?"

You were surprised by the sudden talking. You look over at the other woman. More or less you shrug.

"Not that he's told me."

"Aren't you two friends?"

"I guess so. But we don't talk about things like relationships."

She huffed. It's clear she's not happy with your lack of cooperation or information. You don't ask about Jiraiya's personal life that much... not since he's pulled back from you. He only runs his mouth when it comes to his kid. He's a proud mama hen that takes more joy in speaking about his brood. Himari means everything to him. Every decision he makes he does do with her in mind. Himari is what you and Jiraiya have in common. You could spend a whole day talking in circles about her and he'd be thrilled to hear it all... But it wouldn't hurt to throw a couple of extra things about yourself in there too.

"Papa! Papa!" Himari cried in joy as she hop ran to Jiraiya.

He had just arrived. He knelt down and caught her. He carried her in his arms with no complaint from her. She was clinging to him tightly. You make your way over to join them. Himari is already talking his ear off about the fun day she had with her friend.

Kya rejoined her mother, who was tailing behind you more slowly.

"How did it go?" Jiraiya asks.

"Good. Everyone played nicely, right Himi?" You turn your attention to the child and affectionately call her by her nickname.

"Ya huh! Me and Kya had loads of fun!" Himari confirmed excitedly.

"That's good." Jiraiya said with relief. He placed and affectionate kiss atop her head. "How about you go say bye to Kya while I say bye to these ladies?"

"Okay!"

He set her down and she ran over to her friend. He focused on you and Kya's mom.

"Thanks for today. It's great seeing her out for once." He said.

Kya's mother began to lay it on thick. She was quiet and stilted around you. But around him she was really turning it on.

Now you've known Jiraiya for many months now. You've talked to him almost everyday. He seems more than a little bit off. Tense and irritated isn't how he ever is. Usually he's relaxed and at ease. Especially when he's around women he's very laid back and flirty. But not today.

It's subtle but he's not okay. He's trying to hide it. Either that meeting went horrible or this mommy is really irking him. It takes a lot for a woman to get on his nerves. Something is just wrong.

"I think it's time we wrap this up don't you think?" You intervene as politely as possible. You gently pat his arm. "I'm sure you're tired after such a long day."

"Oh of course how rude of me." Kya's mother said. "I know you work hard, my lord. I don't want to take up your time off with my rambling." She forced a laugh but no one joined her. "I.. I'll just take Kya and go..."

She collected her child and gave Himari a pat on the head. Himari was quick to come back to her father's side.

"Well that was a little awkward." You note once that poor woman is out of ear shot.

"I hate it when women do that."

"Do what?"

"Try too hard around me. It happens a lot now that I'm Hokage." He sighs and looks down at his daughter. He smiles and caresses her head.

"Are you.. looking to date at all, Jiraiya?"

He hesitates. He looks you over slowly. His expression is unreadable. Does he like you? Or is he just really mulling this over?

"I don't know. It's hard when I'm stuck in my office all day. And I have Himi to consider as well." He replied. "I guess... I don't think I am."

"Oh."

That's a shame. You're disappointed with that answer. Maybe you have grown more fond of him than you realized. He looks you over slowly, as if considering something. But the anger is still under the calm surface.

"Are you alright? You seem upset." You ask.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk right now. We'll see you later."

You blink at him, stunned by his sudden hostility. Jiraiya put his hand out and Himari grabbed it. He led her away. You watch in silence. He must be in a bad mood. Something happened in that meeting. It's not your business... but you want it to be. It would be so great to comfort him at the end of a tough day. Brush his hair... caress his face. Watch his stress melt away by your loving attention...

Okay maybe you have more than a crush. But how can you even approach it? If you ruin this nice little family dynamic you settled into then you aren't sure what you would do. There goes your job. There goes a good friend and the wonderful little girl that you've grown to love.

It's hard to determine what to do. Now you realize you have feelings for Jiraiya. He's a good man. And the con of being back into the ninja politics doesn't seem so bad. He's good enough as a leader where no major problems have come up. Even if that happens he's strong enough to get through it. Especially if you are there to support him and Himari.

You... are getting ahead of yourself again. He just told you that he's not looking for a girlfriend. It would be better to not get hung up on him but it's hard to bury these kinds of feelings.

You return home. On Monday Jiraiya will have your extra pay for taking today's shift. It's a little unfortunate since you are a little strapped for cash but you'll make do. Then of course you gotta not act like a total spaz in front of him now that you understand your affections for him.

You go about your nightly routine, trying not to dwell on your complicated feelings for your friend. But it's hard to stay totally objective as you imagine him beside you. His hand running along your thigh and his mouth nibbling on your ear. His attention not on the task you asked him to help you with but on getting you hot and bothered.

Just as you settle down on your couch with some tea to help cleanse your thoughts there's rapid knocking in your door. With a groan you stand and hobble your way over to your front door. You open it to see someone you really didn't expect.

"Himi! What are you doing here?" You ask as you squat down to her level.

Himari is crying at your door. She looks scared. She stumbled towards you and clings to you. You hold her and comfort her until she's ready to speak. Between her sobs and shaky breaths you get a story.

"A lady was in our house. She and papa started to yell at each other. I got scared!"

"Shh little one. I know that can be scary. But you shouldn't run away. Your papa is going to be worried."

"I don't like it when he yells."

"Was he and the lady... wrestling?" You ask.

Some questions are hard to ask young kids sometimes. Like if this was maybe not a hostile fight but something a little more... kinky. Or the possibility of this being a break in. Whatever the case Jiraiya is going to be a mess once he realizes his daughter is gone.

"No. Yelling."

That doesn't sound good. It must be one heck of a spat. Maybe this woman is someone he knows and it's a conversation turned ugly? A break up or simply a nasty argument. That makes the most sense. But if that's the case why didn't he tell you he was already seeing someone?

Sigh. Whatever. Right now Himari is your priority. You squeeze her in another hug before wiping off her tear stained cheeks. Poor thing has red and puffy eyes from sobbing. You smile at her.

"It's all going to be okay, Himi. Let's get you home to your father." You coo at her.

"Okay." She mumbles.

You ruffle her hair. You grab her hand and take her back outside. You know the route to Jiraiya's home by heart and lead the way...

It's hard to think. It's hard to really understand what should be done. All Jiraiya does know is that his kid isn't in bed and no where in the house. He fumbles around the drawers. She doesn't have her epipen with her and it's really freaking him out. Not that there's rogue strawberries roaming the streets of Konoha but he's not comfortable with going out to look for her without being able to help her out of a reaction. She could die if he neglected to bring it and something happened where she needed it.

"Are you going to ignore me now?"

He doesn't respond. He shut the drawer and checked it's neighbour. He sifts through the contents of the junk drawer and sighs with relief when he spots the spare pen. He pocketed it and turned around. He hissed when he was met face to face with the woman he's been arguing with for over an hour now.

"Yes, Tsunade! I'm ignoring you now! I have to go find my kid!" He yelled as he moved around her to the front door.

"She's my kid too."

"Really?" He snapped and turned back to face her. "Last I checked you didn't want her!"

"What if I do now?"

"I..."

He trails off to think. For a moment he's happy. His heart flutters with a fraction of a second of joy. It's what he wanted about six years ago. When he knocked up the woman he's been in love with his whole life he surprised himself with how thrilled he was. But she said such horrible things.

It was a mistake. She didn't want to be a mother. She didn't want to marry him. It tore him up. But there was one thing he knew he wanted. Sure he didn't expect to handle fatherhood alone but he knew he couldn't just forget about the little human he made with the one person he always wanted to make one with. And if she was going to give it up anyways... she might as well just give the baby to him.

Himari has made all these years alone tolerable. She's amazing and all the new things he learned while parenting her is priceless. He's made a thousand mistakes but had learned from each one. He's proved everyone wrong doing this and doing it well.

And you...

You've made things easier. Not just as a nanny but.. as someone to talk to. You have kept his mind off of the darker clouds that tended to fog his mind. He's grown to really like you. But the fear of going through heartbreak again... Then Tsunade shows up to ask for this meeting. She told him what a mistake she's made.

He's just so... mad. Mad at her for taking so long.

Why could they never get the timing right?

"Maybe if you said this to me back then I would've said yes." Jiraiya finally answered. "You waited too long. I can't... I tried to make things right and you didn't want that."

She lowered her head in shame. It's silent. She doesn't have much else to say. What he said was true. And for the first time, he is slipping past her fingers out of reach.

He turns back to the door and opened it. He left. Himari is much more important than her. As he sees it, Tsunade isn't worth the heartache anymore. She made her choice and he can't forgive her. So why waste anymore tears on the woman that left him and Himari?

In a way... he got closure. An answer he long asked for. As much as he wanted it to, Tsunade and him are clearly not meant to be. He took responsibility when she wanted to run. He let her and when she did that's probably when his feelings for her left too. But why does it still feel like a raw wound? Even if he's answered questions he's always wanted answers to it still feels like he's missing something. Like she stole a part of him and has never given it back.

"Papa!"

Jiraiya snapped out of his thoughts at that familiar call. He'd barely made it down the street. Himari is barreling towards him with arms wide open and shiny teary eyes. He gasped her name and met her halfway. He collapsed to his knees and caught her into a tight hug.

"I was so worried about you!" He exclaimed. He pulled back while cradling her head and kissing her face. "Don't ever run off like that again!"

"Sorry papa... I got scared."

She clung to him with her face snuggled into his chest. He stood up with her still in his arms. He won't ever let her out of his sight again. He pet her soft locks. Some guilt prods in at his side. For scaring his daughter. He never meant to lose his temper when arguing with Tsunade. So many years of anger just came out of him. Then to turn around and see his kid isn't in bed was awful. To know he scared her away feels even worse. He's lucky he has a good friend to rely on.

"Don't hide. I know you're there." Jiraiya spoke as he looked over in the shadows.

You sheepishly step out into the light. You hid against the wall of a building to blend in. It would've been rude to interrupt such a tender moment between parent and child. Witnessing it was heartwarming enough.

It's plain to see how much he loves his daughter. It never has to be said but their relationship is so wholesome. He's still clutching onto the epipen he brought along in his fist. He worries, as all good fathers do.

"Thank you for taking care of Himi and bringing her back to me." He said.

"It was my pleasure." You reply.

He smiles. It's been awhile since he's smiled at you like that. He means it. Often he smiles to put on a polite show for the people he has to meet in his office but you know it's phony. His real smile is much softer. Faint but true.

"I have to leave early on Monday morning for my monthly meeting with the elders. Could you pick up Himari for me at my house at the usual time?"

You nod. That shouldn't be a problem, you've done that before. Jiraiya doesn't like waking up Himari early if he doesn't have to. She likes her sleep. Plus he pays you a little extra for getting her dressed, fed, and a lunch ready for school. You typically do more after school stuff with her. The morning is usually just walking her to school.

"Then if you don't mind, come to see me afterwards?"

The way he asked that was the type of way that gets you all giddy. It's a colour you haven't really seen on him before. It's close to bashful. It's almost scared. Again you nod, afraid of what your mouth might babble to him.

After saying goodbye, you left to return home. You look over your shoulder to see Jiraiya is headed back to his house. As he walks you see him turn his head towards Himari. You're too far away to hear what he's saying to her but by what you can see of her ashamed face it must be a gentle scolding. That poor man would fall apart if anything ever happened to her. Tonight must of scared ten years off of him. But he's too much of a marshmallow to have the nerve to yell at his kid. Yelling usually isn't the best solution anyways.

You return home. The good feeling that you have been riding on fades. A pit of worry grows in the deepest part of your belly. What on earth could Jiraiya want to talk to you about? Is he going to make his mind up on something? The way he looked at you before is getting you all... sweaty. His eyes have always been very true to his emotions and looking into them had you swooned. But what if you read it all wrong?

Now you gotta wait a whole day to stew about this? You flop face first into bed, tried from the whiplash of emotions you just endured. Tomorrow is gonna suck. It's gonna be a whole day off worrying about what your boss... your friend thinks about you. How can you even deal?!...

...

It's nice to finally have a quiet day. Sunday is a sacred day now. Jiraiya had to fight tooth and nail to get this day off. But it's the only day Himari has off and he hardly sees her throughout the week other than to make sure she's fed and ready for school or ready for bed. It's great to have some time away from the office and be with his family. There's no need for him to work every single day during such quiet and calm times between the nations. That's what he has help for. Might as well use it when he can.

Himari is across from him at the kitchen island. Her chin on the countertop as she watches him cut up an apple. She's still tired. Last night ended late. She was inconsolable for some time. Upset and sad that she caused him to worry. She didn't want to separate from him to go to sleep. She broke into his room a couple of times to crawl into his bed for comfort. Not that he minds but she shouldn't be so dependent on him. Hence why when she did fall asleep he picked her up and carried her to her own bed.

Jiraiya finished up making apple bunnies and slid the plate over to his awaiting child. She grabs one and began to eat without complaint. He leans against the countertop with arms propping him up.

Sometimes having time off from work can be a curse too. His brain is... scattered. It's tearing into different directions as he tries to figure out how and what he feels. Once he calmed down and was laying in bed, his thoughts wouldn't shut up.

Firstly... there's Himari. She's always first. What's best for her? He's done well with just himself but... but... he desires more. A mother figure is needed. But that comes with a whole slew of new problems.

Ideally it would be Tsunade. She is the biological mother after all. But that only brought up the hurt she put him through. Even now it feels like he's choking on blood at the thought of her. But alone with his thoughts last night he wonders if he was too hard on her. Denying her the opportunity to know her child seems cruel. If it were the other way around she'd probably give him a chance.

She'd have to prove herself first. Jiraiya ain't sure of many things but the one thing he does know is that even if Tsunade is the mother of his child she can't come and go as she pleases in Himari's life. Being a parent doesn't work like that. He won't even let her near his perfect little girl until he's sure she plans on taking this seriously. Honestly even if she wants to be it's actually kinda hard to picture Tsunade in a motherly role.

Unlike you.

He inhaled sharply. It was to hold in the surprise. That thought flew out unfiltered.

Sure he's been into you for a while but... it's weird. It's hard. He's not as confident as he once was. In many ways his fling with Tsunade had scarred him. Now he's terrified. What if it ends like how it had before? If he dated you but it ended badly then what then? He'd have to fire you or you'd have to quit. How could he do that to Himari? She adores you. You're so good with her. He trusts you to take care of her in any situation. No one can replace you. You're perfect.

"Papa? Are you feeling okay?"

Jiraiya looks up from the counter to his daughter. She's munching on her snack with a curious tilt to her head as she awaits his answer.

"I'm fine, kiddo. Tinkin."

She smiles. She always found it funny when he spoke like how she did when first learning to talk. She had trouble with th and r sounds. Talking to her like that brings back fond memories of speaking to her when she was even tinier. And in its own way it feels like a code that only she and him share.

"What you tinking about?" She inquired.

"Nuting special."

He flashes a big grin at her. She doesn't need to know all his complicated adult problems. That's the best part about being a kid, the innocence of everything. She smiles between a bite of her apple slice. She finishes her snack.

"Papa?" She asks.

"What's up?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Jiraiya chokes on the air. He somehow inhaled and exhaled at the same time. He didn't expect that. He looks over his darling little girl carefully. Perhaps she's more mature than he likes to think.

"Er... why do you ask, Himi?"

"Just cause. Kya's mama wants a boyfriend."

"Is tat so?" He smiles at her. "I like Kya's mama but not like tat, Himi."

"Oh." She says with a flat disappointment. She pauses for a moment. Then perks right up like she solved something. "The lady you were talkings to last night! Is she your girlfriend?"

"Uh... no."

Now that brings up bitter memories. As if he hasn't have enough of a horrible blast from the past recently. He doesn't want to remember the good times with this sour lens on. Even if he wants Tsunade to someday be apart of the family somehow, he doesn't want to overthink and get worked up over it again.

Himari declares your name.

Unexpectedly, Jiraiya finds himself stunned. He pauses. He doesn't really know what to say.

"So she's your girlfriend? I like her papa! You should marry her."

It takes a surprising amount of strength to not turn into jelly. Himari is gonna kill him! He hasn't even decided if he wants a girlfriend yet and she's planning the wedding. You... you. He can't think of a bad thing about you. Sure you can be a little awkward but it's kinda cute. And you're smart. You've always proven that. Himari already loves you. You seem like the perfect choice...

"Himi!" You call happily into the quiet house.

There's no reply. You trot into the house. You walk into her room. Thankfully she's in bed. Considering how the weekend went, it's a little anxiety inducing when she didn't reply. You gently shake her awake. She sits up with a yawn. As she wakes up you pick out an outfit for her and give her five minutes. As she gets ready you prepare a quick breakfast, things are already falling behind.

It's not long after you announced that you had breakfast out that Himari came skipping into the kitchen. She's dressed and made a half hearted attempt on her hair. Once she's seated and eating, you move behind her and fix her hair in a ponytail.

It is calming to do something like comb hair. Her hair is soft and easy to brush. It's not as wild as her father's. Jiraiya looks like his hair is thick and untameable. How he manages to look professional all day with that mane is a mystery but he wouldn't be him without it. The closest you got to ever running your fingers through it is hugging him. But it's been so long since you've gotten to embrace him.

Perhaps you shouldn't think too hard about it. The closer you get to the the meeting you've dreaded for over a day the more anxious you get. What could he want? He's already thanked you. There shouldn't be much else to speak about... right?

"You like my papa right?"

You pause for a moment. That's not exactly the question you expected to hear. You twist the elastic in place before reaching over her to grab her plate. She had finished with her breakfast. You move around to the sink to wash up the dishes before getting her ready for school.

"Uh... yeah. I like him. He's a great friend." You reply.

"You should marry him."

The dish slips from your hand and you struggle to catch it. Are you flustered? You feel really flustered. Himari said it so casually. Now she's giggling at your clumsy behaviour.

"Himi! Why would you say something like that?" You ask.

"Cause! Papa likes you too. And I think you should marry him if you like him so much and he likes you so much."

He likes you? He certainly has a funny way of showing it. He's pushed you away... it feels like he detests you rather than likes. But Himari has never lied to you. She's smiling at you while kicking her feet in a happy way while sitting in her seat. She thinks it must be rather logical. When two people like each other they get together. But at the moment you have no idea what Jiraiya is thinking.

"It's more complicated than that." You finally say. You cast a glance to the clock. "We should get going. You don't want to be late."

"Okay!"

She hops down from her chair and skips to the door. She gets her shoes on while you finish doing a quick tidy of the kitchen. Her lunch is already made in the fridge you you collect it. Afterwards you meet her at the door and get your stuff on as well.

From there it was business as usual. Himari seems to have forgotten her prying questions. Her focus is better used on looking forward to her day at school anyways. It's better for her than asking about her father's love life. You drop her off with all her necessities for the day and she runs safely into the academy.

From there you hesitate. You stand in front of the old school building and wonder. You fret. You fear. Maybe this is your last day as Himari's nanny. As sweet as she is, she must have gotten it all wrong. Jiraiya and you... it's complicated. Or at least it really feels that way. The suddenly very serious leader has come to a conclusion when it comes to you. All that's left to do is to face the music.

So you turn and drag your feet to the looming building in which Jiraiya spends most his days. The trek up the stairs felt thrice as long as it usually does. You knock on the door. There's a moment of silence. Then it opens.

"You're finally here." Jiraiya greeted you. He stepped out of the way and invited you inside. You make your way in and he shut the door. "How'd it go this morning?"

"Fine. Himari was still asleep when I got there. I got her up, dressed and fed." You answer.

"Good."

It falls very quiet in the office. The wood under his feet creaks as he shifts. There's a sense of dread approaching. Like you aren't going to like whatever he plans on saying.

"Sorry if I've been... unfriendly."

You move your gaze from his feet to his face. You didn't expect an apology. He smiles at you.

"Somethings have been going on and I just... had trouble."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine." He pauses. His expression falls and he sighs. You were going to have to know about it eventually. "My ex approached me on Saturday. She was my last minute meeting."

"Oh..." You simply say. "Is she...?"

"Himari's mother."

"Okay..."

Well that big fact drop was rather casually presented. You remain quiet as Jiraiya continues. Now isn't exactly the best time to ask a thousand questions. He seems ready to answer a few that are running through your mind anyways.

"I've been trying to patch somethings up with her. She... left when Himari was just a baby and it was really difficult. But now she's asking to see Himari and it's just been-!" He cuts himself off. His speech was quickening and he got visibly frustrated. He sighs. "It's been hard. I know what the right thing to do is. But it's just been hard to accept it... you know?"

"Well... a child needs a mother and a father."

"What?"

"I know you make a lot of sacrifices for Himari. And if getting back together with your ex is what you both want then-!"

"Whoa!" He cut you off as he raised his hands in a stop gesture. "I'm not going to get back together with my ex."

"But..."

Why is it so hard to talk to you? It's like all of a sudden he's lost his ability to speak to women. It wasn't this hard before. Even when he tried to get out there when Himari was a couple of years old he could manage just fine. But you. It's just... why? He looks at your face and all of a sudden his brain isn't working too good. Is it because he likes you so much? It never felt like this before. Not even with Tsunade.

Go back to basics. Clearly he's overthinking this. He takes a step closer to you and rests his hands on your hips. Your face is getting more flushed by the second. Just... Talk. It was always easy to talk to you. Relax and speak.

"I'd like to one day co parent Himari with my ex. And I know it's going to be tough. I need you."

You stare at him. It's like reality shifted. It's what you want to hear. And with his hands resting on you it feels right. The time before where everything felt off has disappeared. Like everything fell back into sync. It's not weird anymore. The distance between you and him began to close.

And hey... Himari already approves.

"I can't spend my life scared of what I feel. I like you... a lot." Jiraiya continued to speak. Your heart leaps as he pulls you closer. Your front meets his. Your hands clutch at his shoulders for some kind of grip. "And if you'd like, I want to date you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

A smile forms on your lips. It's been so long since he's let you be this close to him. You run your fingers up to behind his neck. Then play with some of the loose fringe that always lays on the sides of his face.

"Himari already thinks we are destined to get married." You say.

Jiraiya's eyes widen and his cheeks get pink. He looks ready to melt into the floor. For once you got the upper hand in flustering him. You caress his cheek. His embarrassment fades. He's still very warm in the face but his expression is much more calm and confident. He leans in. Your eyes shut.

It's gentle. Timid. A little wet. It lasts only a second or two. Which is much too short. You grip the back of his neck more firmly and push him back down. It didn't have much of a chance to break. The kiss kept going. His hands got more comfortable with exploring your sides and back.

Gentle knocking on the door forces the kiss to finally break. The person on the other side doesn't wait to be invited in and simply lets themselves in. Jiraiya steps away from you to address the visitor.

"You're early." He comments.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you were with someone."

You stand there in surprise and starstruck. The Lady Tsunade is standing like right beside you. As a medic you know all about her. She's an idol. Smart, strong, confident, and innovative. You had no idea she was in town. She hardly ever comes around here.

"It's fine." Jiraiya replies. He turns to you and smiles apologetically. "Can we talk more about this later?"

You nod. By his sudden change of demeanour he has something important to discuss with his old teammate. He glances at her carefully before leaning down to peck your lips. Before you leave he hands you your extra pay for Saturday's work. As you go you cast another look at the two legends, two friends, facing each other. They look more... guarded and tense than two friends ought to be. It's not your business but maybe he'll talk to you about it when you meet with him later.

Even after the door closes it remains quiet for a while. The soft ticking of the clock on the wall was a soft reminder that the longer this goes on the harder this is going to be.

"She's pretty. How long have you two been seeing each other?" Tsunade starts off the conversation.

"I just asked her out."

"I see."

It grows quiet again. In many ways he hates this. The tension. The unfamiliarity of the woman he once loved. Like she's a stranger. He knows she feels the same. She's hesitant around him. Mostly because the wrong word could start an argument.

"What did you want to talk about?" She asks.

"..." He hesitates with a heavy sigh. Stalling won't make it easier. "I'd like for you to be apart of Himari's life."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know you care about her but... I can't let you unless I'm sure you're taking this seriously."

"Jiraiya..."

Such little trust. She does get it but at the same time it hurts that what was once her best friend doesn't trust her around the child they made together. If it was her maybe she'd do the same thing. By his cautious gaze she can tell he's been through a lot already and pushing the issue will be futile. He's stubborn but it's a quality that she always liked. He makes up his mind and never goes back. Not even for her.

"I've been thinking a lot about it." She finally says. "And I think one day I would like to meet her. But... I just don't think I'm ready yet. I thought I was but seeing your reaction and how we fought the other night I just don't think it's time."

"... Fine."

"Fine?"

She expected a much bigger reaction. But Jiraiya wasn't angry. He nodded and accepted it.

"I'm not going to force you. I tried that once and look what happened. If you need time then I'll give you it." He explained. A very small smile pulled on his lips. "Just don't take too long. I can't guarantee Himari will want to meet you either. But she deserves to have the option one day."

Tsunade finds herself smiling. It's odd to see the most immature of the group become the wisest. Maybe it's the leader position or being a parent but Jiraiya has changed. Whoever you are... you're lucky. Men like him don't come along everyday.

His small smile grows and he offers out his arms.

"A hug before you go?"

She lets out a soft chuckle before closing the distance. It's been a long time since they've embraced. It's warm and comfortable. It's familiar. It's the first time for either of them in many years. He runs his fingers through her hair and places a kiss on the side of her head.

"Stay safe out there." He whispers.

"Take care of yourself here."

They slowly break apart, with fingers lingering together before breaking apart as she walks away.

Now that... is closure.

A warm feeling tickles his insides as he figures out if he wants to laugh or cry. He's not entirely sure but what he can tell is that he feels whole. Like he got back a piece of himself. Tsunade will always be apart of him and there's no getting rid of that. As hard as he tried to there's no point in rejecting it. If not for her he wouldn't have the greatest daughter in the whole wide world. Nor would he have ever met you. And the pain of the past is healing.

After collecting himself, Jiraiya leaves his office. There's no way he can focus on work now. He doesn't really know where to go. But he found himself at your door. You answered when he knocked. You don't ask anything, you moved in and hugged him.

"It's all going to be okay." You say.

"I know."

You don't know what he just went through but you're here for him. When you opened your door you were met with him smiling but with eyes brimming with tears threatening to fall. The occasional sniffle alerted you that he's holding it in. As much as they threaten to fall you never feel a single one on rain on your shoulder.

"Want to come inside?" You offer.

He nods. Your hands move down from his back to his hands. You hold them and lead him inside of your home. From there you led him to your couch. You wanted to get him a drink or something but he pulled you back down and held you against him.

"Later." He muttered.

Later sounds good. You cuddle with him on your couch. It was silent. Mostly it was gentle caresses along his arm while his fingers moved gently along your back. It's only when it was time to pick up Himari was it time to move.

"Can I come with you?" You ask.

"I'd like that." Jiraiya agreed.

You held his hand the whole way. Considering who he is people took notice. Some seemed pleased that their leader found someone. Others looked at you with envy. When Himari came out of school she beamed a big grin at the two adults that she likes most. She skipped towards them and gave them each a hug.

"Does this mean you two are married?" She asks.

"Uh no, kiddo." Jiraiya answered with an amused smile. "It means maybe we could be in the future. All we know now is that we like each other."

"Okay."

You walk with them with Himari in the middle. She tugged on your hand for you to bend over and listen to her. She dropped her voice to a whisper.

"I hope you two get married." She says.

"Me too, Himi." You reply and ruffle her hair.

Jiraiya smiles to himself, pretending he didn't over hear that. It doesn't sound bad. To have you around all the time. It'll take many small steps but he has a good feeling about you. He gives Himari's hand a squeeze. She looks up at him. He gives her a quick wink before looking ahead again. From the corner of his eye he can tell she's grinning.

Yeah, this feels right. You feel right for him. You're right for Himari too. With you around his family feels more complete. Trying love again isn't scary with you.

This time he'll do his best. It's not just Himari's happiness that matters, but his does as well. With you he can do it all.