Ange sat quietly in her car, taking a moment just to breathe. To feel her heart beating, the quickness of it reminding her of the inevitable from which she was hiding.
She pulled out her phone, staring at the lock screen with the ghost of a smile on her lips. Chloe and Dom. Together. Laughing. Back when everything was easier. She quickly got lost in her thoughts, wondering how she'd got here. How she was going to face today.
Her family had had their share of tough times, god – when Chloe found out about Dom's adoption she didn't think they would ever get their relationship back to where it was but she was wrong, actually Dom had brought a new depth to their little family and brought out the best in them both.
But that was before. After Evan, but before everything else. Before the self – harming took a hold of Chloe again. Before she stopped eating because she no longer viewed herself as worthy of food. Before Ange realised she had gained a son but was rapidly losing her daughter. Again.
Chloe had been here before, not for years but it was a routine they'd been through. Back when Chloe was a teenager it was easier though. The first ever time she saw Chloe's cuts Ange thought her world had ended. She didn't know what to do or how to help, how to make things better. How to fix her. But they'd managed, Ange had dragged her to the doctors – albeit kicking and screaming. She'd sulked for the entire morning of the appointment, barely looking up from her hands but Ange had pushed through and they'd got her the help she needed. But Chloe wasn't a teenager now, Ange couldn't just force her into accepting help. Support her? Of course. But Chloe had the control now, at least partly. She'd lost control of her life which is what led to this situation, but she had the power to refuse treatment now. Something Ange was all too aware of.
She'd been trying to nudge Chloe in the right direction, trying to get her to see this had become a problem again but every time she attempted to bring it up the younger woman quickly shut the conversation down and Ange felt like she was losing her a bit more.
It was only 2 days ago she realised how unwell her youngest child had become. She'd invited both her and Dom over for some dinner, hoping that the casual social situation and the laughter between them all would help Chloe relax and enjoy herself. Ange watched her the entire time and while herself and Dom had indulged in their takeaway sushi, a firm favourite of Chloe's, not a single morsel of food had passed the girl's lips. The alarm bells had been ringing long before that night, but for Ange that was the final straw. She knew she needed to act. When the storm hit Holby and made the roads unsafe to drive, Ange suggested they both stay over. Chloe often slept there after the break-up with Evan so had a supply of pyjamas to hand. She was getting changed when Ange snuck up and saw all the cuts across her stomach and legs. Her spine and ribs were prominent. Chloe stood there criticizing herself in the mirror, pinching her skin and sneering in disgust at herself. Ange couldn't take watching it anymore and was about to knock when she thought better of it.
She needed time. She needed a plan. She needed assistance. Chloe wasn't going to admit to any of this and she certainly wouldn't accept any help without a fight. Ange knew she needed to get her head straight, think of the best way about this. She needed to get Chloe to see what she was doing was wrong, how unwell she really was. But she needed to tread carefully. She didn't want to push her away, to spook her and lose her. She spent the rest of the evening weighing everything up. Wondering how she'd let it get this far without noticing, without helping her. She knew the signs. She knew how vulnerable Chloe was, but still – she let it happen. She let the young woman destroy herself mentally until she took it out physically on herself. What kind of mother was she?
Ange snapped back to reality. 7.53am. Time to face the music. Time to step up and get Chloe the help she so desperately needed.
Nothing would be the same after today. Chloe was going to hate her, she might never trust her mum again. But it had to be done. Didn't it?