Notes:
No betas, we dye like wmoen! Romantic Kalex
"So, Kara... Were you ever going to mention that we got engaged the night before I left for college?" Alex asked as Kara took another bite of Lo Mein. Her timing probably could have been better, after all, she'd never seen Kara choke on her food before, but the question has been driving her crazy for days. She was tempted to give Kara the Heimlick, but that was more likely to end with her breaking her arms than clearing Kara's airway, so she waited as Kara thumped her chest and coughed.
Once she could breathe again, Kara looked at her with an expression that hovered somewhere between embarrassed and horrified. "I, um... No."
"No, you weren't ever going to mention it?" Alex asked, wanted to make sure she had it right.
Kara shrank down in the couch. "How's you find out?" Kara asked.
"Alura and I had a long talk while you were putting out that wildfire upstate. She mentioned that she'd been planning your betrothal ceremony before Krypton exploded. I asked what a betrothal ceremony was like, and you can imagine my surprise when I realized I'd already been a part of one."
Kara laughed, and Alex actually felt a bit of pain at how forced it sounded. "Yeah," Kara said. "I guess that was a bit of a shock."
Alex reached out, rubbing Kara's upper arm gently. The physical contact made Kara relax visibly, and she leaned into the touch. "Why didn't you tell me?" Alex asked.
Kara sighed and closed her eyes. "For a long time, I didn't mention it because you were straight. But then, you came out, and you were with Maggie. And, well, after Maggie..." She shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself. "I didn't want to be your consolation prize."
"Consolation prize?" Alex asked. "Kara, what does that even mean?"
Kara looked up at her. "You loved her. You took one look at her, and you were ready to tell the world you were gay. You asked her to marry you after you'd known her for a year. I've been here for sixteen years, and you've never even kissed me. I wanted you to love me, Alex. Not just settle for me because you couldn't have the person you really wanted. I never told you, because I knew I'd never be strong enough to say no to you, so I just let you think I wasn't an option.
"It was easier that way. I could even be happy for you, most of the time. As long as I didn't think about that night before you went to college. You said I would always be the most important person in your life, and I thought... On Krypton, that's what a bondmate is supposed to be. The most important person in your life. Your best friend. Your partner. Your lover. That's why I asked you to do the ritual with me that night. I thought you were promising me we would be bonded, and I wanted to make the same promise.
"I didn't understand my mistake until you told me you had a boyfriend, and I thought..." Kara shook her head. "I cried so hard, and Eliza got worried enough that she called Clark. I told him about it, and he explained. Let me know I'd misunderstood. And then I felt awful, because I'd gotten you to make a promise you didn't understand. I just… It didn't seem to matter. You didn't know, and you were straight, so if I told you, you'd just be embarrassed, and you might hate me."
"I could never hate you," Alex said.
"I think the two years between Jeremiah disappearing and Kenny dying proved that we're both pretty good at hating each other," Kara said. "I didn't want to go back to that. I loved you. I still love you. The days I don't see you, I feel like I'm back in that pod, lost and alone in the dark. I wanted you to be my Bondmate Alex. But I know you don't want that, and it's enough just having you in my life."
"Kara, look at me."
Kara looked up and Alex felt a stab of pain at the fear she saw in Kara's eyes. She never wanted Kara to be afraid of her. She squeezed Kara's arm gently, hoping the contact would reassure her.
"Kara, you are my favorite person, and I will always love you. No matter what."
Kara forced herself to smile, but Alex could tell she was waiting for Alex to try to let her down easy.
"You remember when I came out? How I told you that I had taken memories of my feelings and shoved them so far down that it was like it never happened?"
"Yeah," Kara said.
"When I got my memories back, it was like I was reliving them. Like all those moments that had been taken away or changed came back. Relieving it all like that, I realized the reason what I felt for Vicki scared me, the reason what I felt for a lot of girls I was close to over the years scared me, was because of how much they reminded me of what I felt for you. Those times you took me flying. That night on the bridge when you saved us from the sheriff.
"Do you remember the day we were walking along the cliff a few months before I left? The day you were trying to convince me to not go to college?"
"Yeah," Kara said, a genuine smile spreading across her face.
"When I started to remember, that was the first time I remembered. You clapping too hard, and the shockwave starting that rock slide. I remember you catching me, and I remember my heart beating a mile a minute."
"You were scared," Kara said.
"No," Alex said. "I was never scared. Even as we were falling, I knew you would catch me. I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me. And then you did, and you were holding me, and my heart was running a mile a minute because you were holding me. Because I could feel you pressed up against me. Because I looked up at you, and all I wanted to do was lean up and kiss you."
Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. "I pushed that memory down so hard, so deep, that even after Maggie, even after all the other girls I dated, I couldn't remember it. Because I felt guilty and ashamed. I was supposed to me your sister. I wasn't supposed to feel things like that for you."
"Alex, what are you saying?" Kara asked.
"I'm saying that Maggie wasn't my first love. Neither was Vicki." Alex opened her eyes and looked at Kara. "It was you, Kara. Right from the start. Right from the moment I looked out the window and saw you for the first time. I felt things I didn't understand. Things I wasn't supposed to feel. Things I wasn't ready to feel. But I felt them, and I lied to myself about it so much and for so long, I started believing the lies. But then, I saw you laying in that field, and I just... Everything came back."
Alex reached out and took Kara's hand in hers. "I loved Maggie. I did. I think maybe I still do, a little. But I loved you first, and I loved you best. And if you want... If you still want me to be your Bondmate, then I want that too."
"Really?" Kara asked.
"Yeah," Alex said.
"Can I kiss you?" Kara asked.
"Well, we've only been engaged twelve years. That might be moving a little quick, but you know, I think I can live with that," Alex said as she tugged on Kara's hand.
Kara laughed as she climbed into Alex's lap and kissed her. Alex's only thought, as their lips met, was that it had been worth the wait.