Alex didn't want to open the door. It was a new experience: the doubt, the fear. This had always been her haven. Ignoring the tremor in her fingers and the way the key scraped unevenly against the lock, she entered Kara's apartment.
The soft sounds of a newscast were suddenly muted as Kara whipped around to stare at her.
If Alex hadn't recently catalogued her own terror of this moment, she might have missed the flash of the same emotion in bright blue eyes. "I told you I was fine," Kara said softly. "You didn't need to check on me."
Squaring her shoulders, Alex shook her head. They weren't playing this game. "You aren't fine." Neither was Alex. Not since The Conversation. "You've been weird since I told you."
Kara's head dropped until it rested against the pillow clutched to her chest. "I'm sorry if I made you think I wasn't there for you, Alex. I only want you to be happy."
Happy. "I don't…I don't remember what that feels like."
"Liar." A hint of sunshine leaked into the room as Kara smiled. "I know you better…" She faltered, and Alex winced. Kara rallied, though. "I know when you're sad or angry – the scowl helps. Oh, and that Agent Danvers glare. It's hotter than my heat vision. I even know when you're happy, Alex." She held out a hand. "Talk to me. You can tell me anything."
Alex wasn't so sure. No one ignored Kara's pout, though. Not even the redoubtable Agent Danvers. "I guess." Her feet dragged the area rug as she marched to her doom.
The warm arm around her shoulders was familiar. With a sigh, Alex relaxed into it. Into the soft yet made of steel form.
"Now, tell me about Maggie!"
Maggie was the last thing Alex wanted to discuss. However, she wasn't (quite) ready to broach the topic turning her stomach into a gordian knot, either. "She's great."
A snort followed her response. "That's all you've got? 'Great'? English was my twenty-ninth language and I know how lame that word is."
Giving up, Alex muttered, "She's amazing." Maggie would roll her eyes if she heard Alex say that. "And beautiful and she's taught me so many things, Kar."
The Girl of Steel turned to stone against Alex. "Uh.." Kara's voice squeaked. "I think this is where I remind you that, as your sister, I don't want the details."
The knot tightened further. Until Alex closed her eyes and breathed in tiny sips to avoid vomiting. This had been a stupid idea. She should have stayed away from Kara, no matter how badly she'd needed to feel the comfort of her arms. They'd always shared everything. Or, almost everything.
She forged on. Gathering the tattered remains of her resolve together, Alex slid out of Kara's embrace and turned so her back rested against the arm of the couch. It allowed her to gaze directly at Kara as she continued. "I meant that Maggie taught me about myself and how I felt."
Her serious tone caught Kara's attention. "I'm sorry. You've always been there for me. You've been my protector and my safety net – and instead of being there for you, I keep making this about me. It's not. It's about you, Alex. I'm listening. Whatever you need to tell me, I'm here for you."
The room shattered into a million liquid crystals as the first of Alex's tears fell. "I love you," she whispered.
Kara's hand stroked Alex's leg through her jeans – but she remained silent.
"That's one of the things Maggie helped me see. That…that it was OK to feel things. That emotions wouldn't make me weak and that I had the right to feel them." Closing herself off again seemed like the better option as Alex confronted this moment.
She appreciated Kara's commitment to allowing her to control the conversation. Alex stared at her fisted hands. Bones and tendons stood in stark relief against her skin. "I…I'm in love, Kar."
The room was so silent, Alex heard Kara's throat move as she swallowed.
"I thought at first…I thought I was in love with Maggie." It had been soul-crushing when Maggie had laughed.
"Don't be a cliché, Danvers. I'm not a 'meet the parents' kind of girl.'" Her eyes had softened at Alex's fiery blush. "It happens to all of us. All those emotions locked away. Then someone helps you unpack them all and wham! You gotta sit down and sort that shit out. Give yourself a chance to enjoy feeling."
Unable to glance at Kara, Alex managed to inch closer across the couch. Now that she'd started her confession, the distance was too much.
"You thought?" Kara's voice was a strained whisper.
Alex nodded. "Yeah. I…I think I've loved…" Frustration reared its head, overwhelming Alex's fear for a split second. "I've been in love with you forever!"
"Oh, thank Rao!"
What? Alex's imagination must be working overtime. She tried again, bracing for harsh reality. I said: I'm in love with you," she repeated, waiting for Kara to throw her out of the apartment.
Kara slammed into her. "You can say that every day for the rest of our lives." Her smile was so bright it nearly blinded Alex. "I love you, too. So much."
"But…when I…The Conversation…" Nothing made sense.
Until Kara brushed a soft kiss across Alex's lips. "I told you, Alex. I only want you to be happy – even if 'happy' meant someone else."
"There's never been anyone except you." That was what Alex had finally figured out when she'd taken Maggie's advice and unpacked all those emotions she'd hidden all her life. "I'm such an idiot."
The lips pressed to hers turned up in a smile. "As long as you're my idiot."