A/N – Thank you all for commenting and following the story, it's nice to see some new names in the comments section :-) and some familiar ones from my previous story. Speaking of familiar names, I have a note for Beeex3, AZsgirl and Tingtorn78 (if you are reading) you should check your PMs more often, just saying ;-).
Okay Chapter 4 here we go, I had a bit of a writer's block and then when it got cleared, I ended up writing a long chapter that I was going to post but in the end I figured it works better split in two, so Chapter 5 will be posted later today as well.
CHAPTER 4
"She's sound asleep," Lucia said entering the kitchen.
Callie was standing at the sink, excessively rubbing the dishes, fighting the tears in her eyes.
Lucia approached her and placed her palm on Callie's shoulder "Mija, I can do that later."
Callie looked at her mom as tears in her eyes threatened to roll overwhelmingly down her cheeks.
"Oh honey," Lucia whispered and tucked Callie's hair behind her ear. "It's okay to cry, you should let it out."
Callie shook her head, "I don't have time for crying, I have to pull myself together and go back to the hospital…" she said wiping her eyes off. "She shouldn't be alone, we haven't even tried to get her on her feet yet, what if she can't walk, what if the center of balance has been affected, God mom, what if she has a seizure!? The amount of bleeding she had in her brain… a number of things could still happen…" Callie explained in panicky tone.
"Try not to think about those things," Lucia attempted to calm her daughter down.
Callie sighed heavily, "Right, I should focus on the good things…," she scoffed sarcastically, "what are the good things mom? She doesn't remember me…," Callie whispered. "She doesn't remember Sofia… how is that possible…, two weeks ago she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me and said 'See you tomorrow evening…' and now she doesn't even remember who I am…" Callie buried her head in her hands trying to compose herself.
"Mom…," she called as her lips trembled, "…I don't think I can do this..."
Lucia wrapped her arm around Callie and squeezed her tight, "Yes you can, you are one of the strongest people I know. You've already been through hell and back and you have pulled through."
"But what if she never gets her memory back…?"
"Don't think like that, don't think about things that haven't happened yet. Focus on here and now, she survived a plane crash, how many people can say that?"
Callie shook her head, "Why is this happening…?" she whispered.
"God has a plan, you have to believe that…"
"Oh mom…, you can say what you are really thinking, that God is punishing us for living in a sin…" Callie said as tears filled her eyes again.
"I don't think that…" Lucia whispered. "God is not vindictive, God gives us challenges to grow."
Callie looked at her mom with surprise, "I thought… when did you change your mind?"
"I've been praying a lot this past year, and talking to our priest, and he made me realize that God gave me a challenge, to love you unconditionally."
Callie smiled sadly, "What if Arizona never remembers and doesn't love me anymore…?"
"Then you will love her anyway and fight for her love. She fell in love with you once, she can fall in love with you again."
"I just… I can't even breathe properly, I feel this heavy burden inside my chest… this whole day I had to hold back the tears, I feel like every time I take a breath it just gets stuck half way between my throat and my lungs…"
Lucia took Callie's hand and nudged her towards the balcony, "Let's step outside for a minute."
Callie nodded her head and followed.
Once outside Lucia spoke softly, "Close your eyes."
"I'm afraid… If I close my eyes, I'm gonna start crying and I might not be able to stop…"
Lucia squeezed Callie's hand. "Just close your eyes…"
"Okay," Callie whispered.
"Now try to take a slow, deep breath," Lucia said holding tightly onto Callie's hand.
Callie tried to inhale but emotions overwhelmed her as tears started developing in her eyes again and her breath got stuck in the middle of her chest again. She opened her eyes and shook her head. "I can't…, I'm gonna start crying… I should go back to the hospital…" Callie explained and rushed past her mom and back inside.
Lucia sighed as her eyes worriedly followed Callie.
"God doesn't give us more than we can handle," she whispered and went inside as well.
ARIZONA'S HOSPITAL ROOM
At that same time across the street Arizona was lying in her bed, thinking about the day, a million questions in her head. She took her wedding ring again and looked at it, it felt so weird that she was married, the last she remembered… she wasn't nowhere near ready to be married, what changed in three years… Did they say three years?, she wondered as a familiar face popped his head through the door.
"Want some company?" Dr. Webber asked.
"Chief! Yes, please, come in, it's nice to see a familiar face."
"I'm not chief anymore," he informed sitting down.
"What? How come?" Arizona asked completely surprised.
"Long story…" Richard waved his hand. "Dr. Hunt is Chief now."
"Dr. Hunt…" Arizona repeated pensively, I don't know him, umm… or her..."
"Dr. Owen Hunt, and you do know him, you just don't remember," he said softly. "How are you holding up?
Arizona shuffled the wedding ring through her fingers and showed it to Dr. Webber.
"Trying not to freak out…" she said.
Webber nodded his head, "I can imagine…"
"The last relationship I remember…," Arizona started, "...well it wasn't even a relationship…" she scoffed lightly, "I met Meg from dermatology for dinner, took her to my apartment, we spent a great night together and in the morning agreed that we weren't going to pursue anything else, it was a one night thing. That's pretty much been my life ever since my brother died… I don't do relationships, and other women don't see me as relationship material… I never saw myself getting married, I dreaded having kids, I always thought it would be too scary and overwhelming to have to worry about your child's well-being all the time. Children are resilient, they do well pre and post-surgery, they believe in fairy dust and magic, but their parents… Their parents go through hell…" Arizona monologued while Richard listened attentively.
"And then I met Sofia earlier today…" Arizona sighed heavily, "and just seeing her and holding her…" she whispered and made a pause, "…it brought on all these feelings that I don't even understand. First I felt like my heart was being ripped apart when I heard her cry, and I just wanted to get to her… then I felt like my heart was melting when I held her in my arms… I just wanted to caress her and kiss her, and hold her tight… and her little arms were squeezing my shoulders and she wouldn't let go… and I didn't want her to let go... all these feelings…, how can I have all these feelings for a child I don't even recognize?"
"Your body probably remembers, you've held her so many times for the past year, your mind just needs to catch up…"
"How is my mind supposed to catch up with the fact that I'm married and that I have a family, I'm married to a woman I don't even know…"
"Arizona, I've witnessed you and Callie fall in love, and get married, and create a family…, you are happy with her…"
"I'm happy…," Arizona repeated his words distantly. She looked at the ring between her fingers again and then placed it back on the table.
"I don't even know how to do this… What am I even supposed to do? Play house with her?" she laughed through a scoff.
Webber thought for a second, "Well, first and foremost, how about you start to get to know her?"
Arizona directed her gaze towards Richard.
"Or if you feel uncomfortable around her, you can be honest and tell her you need space," he added.
"I don't feel uncomfortable…" Arizona whispered, "I feel safe, and protected… and she's… she's gorgeous, I mean if I had just met her I would have already been trying to charm her and flirt with her…"
"Well, technically you have just met her, so… you know, you could still do that…" Richard said with an encouraging smile.
"Yeah, but I'm married to her, it changes everything, I don't know what to say to her, I feel weird about it and it's freaking me out a bit…, actually… it's freaking me out a lot!"
"Why don't you tell her that?"
Arizona protested, "I can't tell her that…"
"She's probably freaking out too, you know…"
"Right…" Arizona nodded her head pensively and let out a loud puff, "Imagine that. Your wife wakes up in a hospital and she doesn't remember you… how is she not having a meltdown about this?"
Richard smiled, "You two have already been through a lot. Torres is resilient and most of all she's devoted to the people she loves, so right now you are her priority, and Sofia of course, she will make sure you two are okay before she allows herself to have a meltdown."
"She seems like an amazing woman…," Arizona stated lost in thoughts.
"She is, that's probably why you are so in love with her."
Arizona looked at Richard with eyes open wide.
He smiled, "I should let you get some rest, I can stop by tomorrow again."
"Yes, I would like that… thank you for making the time," Arizona said and smiled back at him.
"Okay, see you tomorrow then," Richard said and exited the room.
Alone in the room again Arizona stared at the empty doorway.
"In love with her…" she whispered Richard's words and looked at the wedding ring again before she closed her eyes and allowed her body to get some rest.
When Callie came into the room, Arizona was sleeping soundly. Callie's eyes caught the ring on the table next to Arizona's bed and she wondered if Arizona had even looked at it again. Callie took the blanket and placed herself in the armchair. She spent a few moments observing Arizona and then opened the studies Amelia sent her. She wasn't sleepy anyway. Two hours later Arizona stirred and opened her eyes, she saw Callie in the armchair, her face lit by the mobile screen, deeply engrossed in something on her mobile phone.
Arizona observed Callie's facial features for a few seconds while thinking about how to start the conversation and then decided to keep it light.
"Catching up with your favorite TV show?" she asked.
Callie lifted her eyes and laughed softly, "Oh I would never watch my favorite TV show on a mobile screen."
Arizona smiled as she felt her body react to the sound of Callie's laughter, "So you are the big screen kind of girl?" she teased.
"All the way," Callie said and put her phone down, "how are you feeling?"
"Tired… how is Sofia?" Arizona asked as she moved her body up and took a sitting position in bed.
"She's fine, she didn't even wake up when I took her home."
"Do you live far away?"
"We live across from the hospital."
"Really? That's brilliant! Ahh, all the long mornings you can have, it takes me thirty minutes just to get here…"
"Umm, well, you live there as well you know," Callie explained shyly.
"Right," Arizona laughed nervously, "right…, of course…, we are married, we live together, sorry, I completely forgot…"
"It's okay, I get it, you'll need some time to get used to it…"
"Yeah…," Arizona whispered and suddenly got nervous.
Callie sensed the change in energy between them and shifted in her seat. She looked at Arizona's hands and watched her nervously fidget with her fingers.
Callie smiled softly, "You do that when you are nervous."
Arizona looked at her with surprise, "Do what?"
Callie nodded her head towards Arizona's hands, "Fidget with your fingers."
"Oh," Arizona said and immediately stopped what she was doing. "Right, you probably know everything about me," she said with a nervous laugh.
"Does that bother you?" Callie asked trying hard to hide the sadness in her eyes.
"Umm, yeah maybe a bit, it's just… it's weird, I don't know anything about you…"
"What would you like to know?" Callie asked with a soft encouraging smile trying to get Arizona to relax.
Arizona cleared her throat, "Oh…, well…, I haven't even thought about what to ask you…"
"Okay, well think about it now."
Arizona cleared her throat, "Right… well… umm… that man that came in earlier, umm… Sofia's father…"
"Yeah, Mark," Callie said as she suddenly got nervous.
"Does he live with us?"
"Oh God no!" Callie exclaimed and laughed. "I love Mark, but he can be a handful, but he does live across the hall, which is sometimes annoying but also comes in handy when we switch spending time with Sofia," she said and then noticed Arizona's eyes open wide.
"You love him?"
"Oh, not like that! Not romantically! As a friend, Mark is just a friend!" Callie explained and sighed. "I'm sorry, I should be more careful about what I'm saying, it's just… you've heard me say this to him so many times and you know he's just a friend… I mean you knew…," she took a pause and let out a heavy breath, "Wow, this is…"
"…hard…," Arizona finished Callie's thought.
"Yeah… Umm, I'll try to be more careful of what I'm saying."
"Actually I don't think you should…," Arizona stated as she shifted in her bed.
Callie looked at her with surprise.
"Well… how is it going to help me to remember you if you suddenly change what you do and say…?"
"Right," Callie nodded her head pensively and sighed again.
"So, can you give me an example?" Arizona asked.
"Of what?"
"Telling Mark you love him…"
"Oh, err… well… most of the times it's when I'm not being nice to him…" Callie explained and laughed.
Arizona's face formed a puzzled expression.
"Well, like… I would say, I love you Mark but you're an idiot! That one would mostly be when he would talk about how he screwed up with Lexie, or so many times I said, I love you Mark but get out!, that one was when we wanted…" Callie stopped and looked down.
"When we wanted what?"
Callie laughed nervously, "Well, you know…, some privacy…"
"Oh, that…, right…" Arizona said and laughed to mask the uneasiness. "Wow, I was never shy about that topic, but now I feel a bit uncomfortable… it's weird…"
"Yep, you were never the shy type about it, and yes it is weird but it's okay, you just woke up today, it's normal to feel weird about everything that is happening," Callie said and smiled softly at Arizona.
Arizona smiled and shifted to her side facing Callie, "How do you feel?"
Callie laughed nervously, "It's a roller-coaster…" she smiled and looked down as she started playing with her fingers. Arizona's eyes trailed to Callie's hands as well.
"So you do the same thing…" Arizona noticed and smiled.
"Huh?" Callie asked and looked at Arizona who let their eyes meet and then directed her eyes towards Callie's hands again.
"You play with your fingers when you are nervous."
Callie laughed, "Yeah…"
There were a few moments of silence as their emotions settled in. The nervousness they felt didn't become overwhelming, but instead somehow had a calming effect on both of them.
"It's okay," Arizona said softly.
"Hmm…?"
"It's okay to be nervous, I would probably be freaking out a lot more in your place," Arizona encouraged.
Callie chuckled, "You know there's a wager going on among the hospital staff about when I will finally explode in this I'm freaking out now tantrum."
"Oh that's not nice!" Arizona protested. "Would they really do that!?"
"Oh yeah, but it's fine, I don't mind. It keeps things lighter around here and it gives us a feeling that things are going back to normal…" Callie paused as she got lost in thoughts for a few moments, thinking about the days of lightness before the plane crash happened. "It's actually quite unusual that I'm handling this all so well anyway…" she finished chuckling a bit.
"So why do you think that is?"
"Probably Sofia… having a child changes you…"
"Is that why I changed?" Arizona asked.
Callie raised her eyebrows.
"Umm, well the last I remember, I wasn't much into marriage, and kids… did err… having a child change me…?"
"Ufff… that's a… umm… well… something happened… at the hospital… that kind of influenced us both… and you changed your mind about having kids… but ummm… it's kind of a big thing so I'm not sure I should tell you about it…"
"Right…"
"But, yeah Sofia did change us as well… for the better," Callie said with a smile. "And I know all your doubts about not wanting children, you told me all about it."
"I did?"
"Well, yeah, we kind of came to a point in our relationship where I wanted kids, and you said you didn't want them, so we had to have those conversations," Callie shrugged her shoulders.
"I bluntly told you I didn't want children? What a terrible thing to say… I mean I had my doubts but I was never strictly against having children."
"Well, you didn't want children at that time, I think it was also because of some tough cases you had, but it changed… and umm, yeah, when Sofia came… you just instantly connected with her, even when she was still in my belly."
"So I was there throughout the pregnancy?"
"You were there since the day I found out I was pregnant…" Callie explained with a smile.
"When she hugged me earlier…" Arizona started as her eyes got watery, "…her little hands and arms, and the warmth of her body, and the way she squeezed me tightly… it just… it was so beautiful, I cannot imagine not wanting to have that in my life, I had no idea what I was talking about before, just ten minutes with her made me feel so happy, and made me feel so much love…"
"Yeah, it's incredible… the emotions one feels for a child…" Callie agreed.
"So she calls me mama…?"
Callie nodded her head. "And you are the only one who can get her to calm down when she has a screaming episode."
Arizona smiled, "What does she call you?"
"Mommy."
"Mommy and mama, it's cute," Arizona said.
"Yeah…"
"So, umm, Chief Webber, sorry, Dr. Webber…," Callie smiled at the correction as Arizona continued, "he stopped by earlier, and umm he suggested something…"
"About what?"
"About you and me… err… this whole, I'm married and I have a family that I don't remember is a bit overwhelming and I don't really know what to do…, or how to behave…"
"Yeah, I know… well… I can imagine…" Callie said with a smile.
"Well he, umm… he suggested I start getting to know you better…, so I was thinking that maybe we could try that…, I mean if you are okay with it?"
Callie smiled, "I thought that's what we were doing right now for the past 45 minutes," she teased.
Arizona laughed, "Right…"
"I think it's a great idea," Callie added smiling softly, "So I'll be ready for more questions tomorrow."
Arizona laughed out loud and Callie felt her stomach react to the sound of Arizona's giggling voice.
"It's so nice to hear you laugh…" Callie commented as their eyes met.
Arizona smiled, "Do we laugh a lot?"
"Oh yes, all the time, and even more with Sofia."
"I'd love to hear Sofia laugh…" Arizona whispered.
"I can bring her again so you can spend some time with her."
Arizona nodded her head and closed her eyes for a few seconds.
"You should get some rest now, you are getting tired," Callie noted.
"Will you be here when I wake up in the morning?"
"I will go home before Sofia wakes up, I like to be there so she doesn't miss both of us, umm… so I might leave before you wake up, but I'll come back later. I'll probably drop her off at daycare, it's good for her to play with other kids… I mean my parents could watch her, but she's been home a lot lately, so I think going back to her routine would be good, what do you think?"
"Oh, umm… wow, I'm… I'll let you decide… I need to get used to this I'm a mom, I have to make decisions now …" Arizona admitted and laughed nervously.
"Sure," Callie smiled reassuringly, "I'll just see how she feels in the morning."
"But, if you bring her to daycare…, would it be okay if you bring her down for a visit? I'd like to see her again, spend some time with her."
Callie nodded her head "Yes of course, we can have lunch or something."
"Yes, I'd like that," Arizona agreed and smiled.
"Okay, it's a plan," Callie smiled back. "Now get to sleep."
Arizona smiled softly, "Good night," she whispered.
Callie's face formed a loving smile, "Good night," she replied in a whisper that seemed like the most perfect lullaby to Arizona.
Arizona held the gaze of Callie's eyes for a few moments, letting her body accept the love she saw in them. She closed her eyes and smiled.
Callie watched her for a few moments and then closed her eyes as well, wishing she could get closer and place a kiss on Arizona's lips.
After a minute or two Arizona called again.
"Callie?"
"Hmmm?" Callie opened her eyes.
"Thank you," Arizona whispered with a smile.
"For what?" Callie asked as their eyes met again.
"For being here…"
Callie smiled. "I'm doing it for purely selfish reasons, just to have you close by," she teased and Arizona laughed softly.
"See you tomorrow," she mumbled and closed her eyes again.
"Sweet dreams," Callie whispered as her eyes closed as well.