Chapter 18 – Weird

Edward

"You keep asking me the same question, but I'm going to keep giving you the same answer. No," I said bitterly.

"They're flying here from New York," Mr. Swan said, getting increasingly frustrated. "Do you have any idea what kind of favors I had to call in for this meeting?"

"I didn't ask you to. In fact, I asked you to do the exact opposite!" I snapped back.

"Bella, you are being unreasonable and entirely ungrateful. I've raised you better than this!" he said, exasperated.

"You haven't raised me at all!" I scoffed. "All you do is travel around and leave me home alone all the time. You throw your money around and hire help to do the hard stuff."

"That's… that's…" he wanted to argue, but we both knew I was right. The man was a non-existent parent, and it was about time someone put him in his place. He was at a loss for words, so he settled for sighing in his defeat. I expected him to finally leave me the hell alone, but instead, he took a seat in Bella's chair and scooted it closer to the bed where I was sitting. "You're right," he said unexpectedly. "You're absolutely right. I haven't always been here for you, but I want to do better."

I laughed once. "Why? You've had seventeen years to do better, why suddenly show an interest now?"

"Because I … Look, I know I've made mistakes, but I can't undo them. I can only learn from them and move forward. It's time for me to do whatever I can to make sure you become all you can be."

"So, because you heard me play one song, you think Julliard is 'all I can be'?" I asked condescendingly.

"It wasn't just a song, Bella. I used to play piano; I know what goes into it. What you were playing was incredible. People don't just play like that without studying for years. I wish you could understand how gifted you are."

"It was one song," I repeated. "Part of a song, actually. It doesn't mean anything. Bringing those people out here to hear me mess with the piano is a waste of everyone's time."

"Well, they're coming, and all you have to do is exactly what you did in your mother's study, and let them be the judge whether their time has been wasted."

"I won't play," I said unwavering. "You can't make my fingers move."

"I sincerely hope you change your mind; until then, you'll have plenty of time to consider it. You are not to leave this house unless it's to school. Felix will be driving you to and from campus, and if you are not there on time, he will report to me. Want to see your friends again? Get your freedom back? Your phone? You better do your best on this audition," he warned, before finally leaving the room.

Fuck! And I thought having a strung-out mother was bad.

A little while later, I attempted to sneak out of the house by going through Bella's bedroom window, but the security guard was right there, ready and waiting for me.

It really was a prison. At least he was letting me go back to school again.

"So, how did the move go?" I asked Bella anxiously the following day at school during break. It was bad enough I was being unjustly incarcerated, but not knowing what was going on in my own life during such a tumultuous time made it so much worse.

"So far so good," she replied. "Your mom actually did really well last night with little Bree. I only hope she can keep up her sobriety."

"She won't," I said, having zero faith in her. "But as long as she can hide it well enough through the next few weeks, hopefully Jimmy will calm down enough to not kill us."

"You don't think she is a danger to Bree, do you?" Alice asked, concerned. "I'm happy to help, but Bree is like family to me and I don't want her getting hurt."

"As long as my mom doesn't contact Jimmy, everything should be okay," I said after considering it. "You said she is with a tutor during the day, right?"

"Yeah, but at night…"

"I'll be there as soon as I'm off work," Bella assured her. Bella and I locked eyes, and I offered her a smile of gratitude. It really did feel like we were in it together, even if it was my life that was really at stake.

Over the next few days, things didn't get better, but thankfully, they didn't get any worse. House arrest was dragging on, and I couldn't even figure out how to escape in order to attend our meeting with the Quileute tribal leaders. Not that they were of any help to us anyway. They refused to tell Bella, Alice, and Jasper anything, so we were back to square one.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" I asked Bella at school that Friday. The Julliard reps were due to come that weekend, and her dad wasn't backing down.

"I don't know. I've never known him to be so strict and stubborn," she said, at a loss. "What has gotten in to him?"

"I'm thinking about running away," I said honestly. "If I leave before school is done, your driver won't be able to find me."

"You could stay at my place," Alice offered. "I could hide you in my room and sneak you food. My mom doesn't usually invade my space much. Well, except on Wednesdays when she does the sage burnings. But you can just hide in my closet when she does that. It will be great. I can braid your hair and do your nails. Maybe pull some tarot cards. Oh, I know, we can do some moon chants! It will be like an extended sleepover," she said enthusiastically.

"Um…" I glanced at Jasper for help, but instead of the brotherly support I was expecting, his expression was more in the lines of jealousy. Confused by his reaction, I turned to Bella, but her features almost mirrored Jasper's.

They couldn't be serious with that shit. Like, what the actual fuck?

I mean, I understood Jasper had a thing for Alice, but did he really think me staying with her would get in the way of that? And why the hell would Bella care? It wasn't like she had any type of crush on me. The whole thing was just awkward.

"Why did it get awkward all of the sudden?" Alice asked, echoing my own thoughts.

"It's not awkward," Jasper replied quickly.

"Yeah, it is," she argued assuredly. "All of your auras just changed."

"Why would they change?" Bella asked, clearly playing dumb about her perplexing reaction.

I wasn't sure how much of that aura shit I believed in, but even without all that, both Jasper and Bella were obviously uncomfortable with the idea of me staying with Alice. I was too, but my reasons made sense given how eccentric she was; I only wished I had a better understanding of their issues.

"Look, Alice, I really appreciate the offer," I told her gently, trying to diffuse the tension. "But I'm still only a chick on the outside. The whole 'doing each other's hair and nails' thing just won't work for me."

"Besides, you can't run away from my home," Bella interjected. "My dad would have a heart attack, and if he survived that, he would send the entire police force out looking for me."

"Bella, what do you want me to do?" I asked again, getting frustrated. "He made all kinds of threats about what he would do to me if I don't play for those Julliard people. You don't play the piano, therefore, Bella Swan going to that school cannot happen. Short of telling him the truth and risk getting thrown into a loony bin, I don't know how else I can convince him."

"I don't know why he is being like this, but you still can't run away," she maintained.

"He isn't giving me much of a choice," I grumbled.

The bell rang, so Alice and Jasper headed to class, but Bella grabbed my arm to stop me from doing the same.

"Want to ditch?" she asked with a grin.

"You said I couldn't run away," I countered.

"We can be back before school is over. Let's just go somewhere," she said, and before I even gave her an answer, she was pulling me towards the back fence where there was an unlocked gate. We snuck around the campus to where my truck was, and she automatically climbed into the driver's seat like she owned the damn thing. I suppose, as me, she kind of did; though, it was still a little jarring how easily she did so.

"Look at you, all comfortable with driving," I said, impressed, as she drove us out of the parking lot.

"It's not that hard. I think all my issues before where in my head," she said with a smile. "Compared to everything else that's happened lately, this is cake."

"I couldn't agree more. So, where are we going?" I questioned, completely clueless as to her intended location given the direction she was driving in.

"I don't really know, I just thought we could hang out. Alice and Jasper are supportive and all, but it's not possible for them to really understand what it's like for us. I mean, how could they? Besides, we're both pretty stressed, so we could use a little break."

"I guess that's true," I agreed.

She drove around aimlessly for a while, and eventually we went down an obscure side street and parked. We didn't speak much; we just reclined back to enjoy the quiet and let our brains unwind. It wasn't long before I felt her fingers intertwine with mine. I probably should have asked her about it, but it felt good and I didn't want to make it weird. For whatever reason, any physical closeness we shared somehow kept evading weirdness, which in of itself was weird. Then again, everything about our situation was weird, so there was no point in fighting it.

A little while later, she decided she had somewhere to go, so without a word, she started the truck and began driving again. I didn't question our destination, because it simply didn't matter. As long as she wasn't taking us back to school just yet, I was happy to go along with whatever the ride would bring us.

But when we pulled up to a ritzy looking house, I couldn't help but voice my curiosity. "What's this place?"

"The Cullen estate," she said slowly, as if I should have already known that.

"Oh… wow," I said, looking at the property around us as she drove through. It wasn't as big as Bella's house, but it was certainly the biggest, fanciest place Edward Masen had ever called home. "Dayum," I added when she parked in front of the smaller building that I could only assume was the pool house.

"It's pretty nice," she said, agreeing with her assumption of my reaction to the place.

It was certainly nice, but what I really saw was a nice big opportunity to fuck up on my mom's part. There was no way she could maintain our position there. She just didn't have it in her.

"Come on, I'll show you around," Bella offered. Once we were both out of the truck, she grabbed my hand and kept hold of it as she gave me a tour.

"It's smaller than our bedroom at my dad's house, but it's so much better than where we were at Jimmy's," she said casually. "This is Mom's room, and over here is ours."

"Ours?" I questioned with a laugh.

She shrugged. "Seems weird calling it my room, but even weirder calling it yours since you've never actually been here before. For all we know, you may never stay here at all."

I nodded pensively. "I guess that's true."

"Dr. Cullen said we can use the pool whenever we want. So, how about it? Want to go swimming?" she asked excitedly.

"Uh…" It wasn't raining, for a change, but it wasn't exactly warm out either. Definitely not swimming weather, not that the cold ever bothered me. "We don't have any bathing suits," I said, knowing I didn't even own one for her to wear, and I certainly didn't have one of hers for me.

"Alice actually picked a few up for us at the second-hand store. She figured we wouldn't have any. Not many opportunities for swimming in Forks."

I raised my brows. "And you're okay with wearing a second-hand bathing suit?"

"It's not so bad. Dr. Cullen said we can use his laundry room, so I washed them."

"That's cool. Speaking of which, where is everyone? Shouldn't my mom be here at least?" I asked curiously, as I looked through the windows to the main house and didn't see anyone.

"She is on some kind of field trip with Bree and her tutor. They won't be back until dinner," she explained.

"Wow," I said, honestly speechless. My mother acting all responsible and shit? It was legitimately mind boggling. "So… no one is home?"

"We're here," she said with a sly grin. "Come on, let's get changed."

She gave me a typical chick bathing suit to wear, but after three failed attempts at putting the damn thing on, I called her in for help.

"This is ridiculous," I said, as she came in to the room already giggling. Her presence only made me laugh as well because she clearly didn't do any better with her suit. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"A bathing suit," she said, playfully defensive. "What? I'm a girl, I don't want my boobs hanging out."

"No, you're a dude, and you definitely don't have any boobs," I told her, still laughing at the men's swim trunks and chick's bikini top she was wearing.

"Do you know what doesn't make sense? The fact that a woman can expose her entire breast as long as the nipple is covered, and yet, the nipple is the only part that looks exactly like a man's chest. Men don't have to hide their nipples, why should women?" she pointed out.

"Okay, so why are you covering my nipples then?" I questioned.

"Because it's the proper thing to do," she said with another laugh. "We can't just let it all hang out like that," she added, pointing at me. "How did you get it on sideways?"

"I don't know. All the holes are the same size," I said with forced frustration. It was frustrating, but I was definitely playing it up a little. The truth was, I was actually finding it quite amusing.

"Here, take it off," she said, not waiting for me to comply and just pulling the strap off my shoulder for me. The suit dropped to my ankles, and as I stood there buck-naked in front of her, there was definitely a buzzing tension between us. "It goes like this," she explained, turning it over and holding it open for me to step into like a parent would for a little kid.

But I was no kid. "How about I don't put that stupid thing on," I told her.

"You want to go skinny dipping?" she questioned, far more enthusiastically than I would have predicted.

"Um… no. Someone could come home, and I don't want to fuck this up. What I meant was, I'd rather wear some kind of shorts or something."

"Oh, right," she said sheepishly. "Alice bought me more than one pair, but I don't think it would fit you."

"Guys' swimsuits usually have drawstrings. Just let me try some on… and I'll take that top," I said, pulling the strings off her back and removing the fabric that she had covering my nipples.

"Hey, now I'm all exposed," she complained.

"Just get me the shorts and stop complaining," I playfully demanded.

She opened a drawer in the dresser there, and dug through the crumpled laundry to find me a pair of shorts, but when she turned around to face me again, she had a whole other issue.

"Seriously," I said, partly amused but mostly confused.

"What? Oh," she said, pushing at the bulge in her shorts. "I thought I was getting better at controlling this thing."

"Why do you even need to control it right now?" I questioned, disturbed. "It's not like you're attracted to your own body standing here naked."

"I'm not attracted to you! I guess I just have a thing for nakedness in general," she said, sounding equally confused as I was.

I laughed. "Weirdo."

"I know, right." She stood there awkwardly for a moment, just staring at nothing in front of her, and then she huffed. "I have to do it," she said, before quickly disappearing out of the room. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. The chick was getting seriously addicted to masturbation.

While she was gone, I changed, but trying to tie the little top thing over her boobs was quite distracting. Bella did have very nice breasts, so I couldn't exactly blame her if she was actually turned on by herself. I mean, I would be, and I was.

When she finally returned, she caught me groping her, but she just giggled. "It feels better when you do it like this, she said, pushing my hands away and using hers – well, mine, to gently knead the tissue, and then pinch one of the nipples, making me squeal.

"Why would you do that?" I asked after jumping away from her.

Her laughter sunk into her belly. "That's the kind of stuff guys do to girls all the time. It hurts, doesn't it?"

"What guys have been doing that shit to you? You should press charges," I grumbled while rubbing the tender area.

"It's just funny," she said dismissively.

"More like assault," I argued.

"You can't assault yourself," she countered, before leaning in to me like she had a secret. "But you could always retaliate."

"You seriously have issues," I deadpanned. But I suppose we both did, because I then proceeded to jump onto her in an attempt to pull her down to the ground. Damn weak girly body. She barely moved as I climbed on her back and wrapped my legs and arms around her.

"You're so cute," she said pompously. "I'm really liking your body now. I think I'll keep it."

"Like hell," I said, before reaching down to her side and tickling it. I knew that was my weak spot, and I was going to damn well use it against her.

My legs collapsed under both of us, sending us crashing to the floor as Bella cried, and laughed, and begged me to stop.

"You are just far too comfortable in my skin," I said, as I kept tickling her. "Maybe we haven't switched back yet because you like me too much."

"I… can't…breathe," she said through her noiseless belly laugh.

I knew the feeling. Being tickled was definitely a form of torture for me. It forced my entire body to seize up and basically go into convulsions. She fucking deserved it.

"Do you yield?"

"Yes!" she managed to shout, so I let her up.

"Good, now tie this boob cover on me so we can go swim before people come home," I commanded.

The pool was surprisingly warm; though, I wasn't sure why I was surprised. In a place like Forks, there weren't many hot days, so of course a rich dude like Dr. Cullen would pay the big bucks to heat up the water.

We did a few laps, but it wasn't long before Bella was back to messing with me. We raced, and splashed, and wrestled, and took turns dunking each other like a couple of kids. Because of the buoyancy, she clung to me like she was the one who was smaller, and I held her up. Despite the current sizes of our bodies, it felt more natural to be in that position. My mind was still very much a guy, and there was something innate about me wanting to be the one doing the holding.

"So, when we finally figure out a way to switch back, you're going to let me pinch your nipples the way you did to me earlier, right?" I challenged her.

She smiled. "I have nipples right now. Go ahead and pinch them."

"Nah, I don't want to pinch my own nipples."

"So, pinch mine," she said, grabbing one of my hands that were holding her up, and placing them on her breasts.

"If I pinch them now, it will only hurt me," I disputed, but didn't move my hand from the boob. "I'm going to do it when they're attached to you again, and you better not press charges."

"I won't press charges as long as you still let me play with your dick," she said brazenly.

"You're going to have to, otherwise you'll go into shock from the withdrawal. Quitting any addiction cold-turkey never works out," I joked, but it may not have sounded as much like a joke as it did in my head.

I didn't really notice her move, and had I been given a chance to consider what was about to happen, I definitely would have put a stop to it, but the next thing I knew, we were all over each other.

You would think kissing yourself would be too fucking weird, but the problem was, we weren't thinking. There was no time for it. It was all just lips and tongues and hands grabbing everywhere they could reach. Was it her hand on my crotch, or mine? There was no definition, no barrier between the give and take of the sensation. Her skin, my skin, it was all the same, all over, everywhere.

I wanted to be inside her. It was desperately intense. More like a need than a desire; it truly felt like it was a vital necessity to be connected so much deeper than the shallow shells of our bodies would ever allow.

If only I had the right tool to do it.

I pulled back as my wits abruptly returned. Like, seriously, what the fuck were we doing? I wanted to be inside her? I was not only currently a girl, making that desire impossible, but she was in my body. She was the one with my dick, and I certainly didn't want to be messing with it in that way. It was such a mind-fuck that I wondered if we had both gone completely insane.

"What's wrong?" she asked, which only baffled me even more. She couldn't be serious? How could she not know what was wrong? How could she not be just as freaked out as I was by what we came dangerously close to doing?

I opened my mouth to question her mental stability for asking such a question, but then we were interrupted.

"Oh, are you guys decent?" my mom's voice asked from behind me. I turned around and was horrified to see not only her, but some dude and a little girl.

Bella splashed me in the face as she reflexively covered her chest with her hands. Since she was a dude, she looked ridiculous, but I wasn't about to comment on it with our current company.

"Uh… no, we were just about to get out," I said as I swam over to the edge of the pool.

Bella followed me, but I could tell she was super uncomfortable.

"Who are you?" I asked the guy after climbing out of the water.

"Um… I should ask you the same question," the guy replied, but sounded confused and unsure of himself. "Your girlfriend?" he then asked Bella.

She climbed out of the water too, and quickly wrapped a towel under her arms to hide her naked torso. "Edward is…." She stopped herself from whatever she was about to say, and redirected her comment. "Edward is me and that is Bella," she said, covering horribly.

"Bella, honey, I'm so glad to see you again," my mother said to me, pulling me into an uncharacteristic hug. I couldn't even remember the last time I hugged her, so it felt awkward in more ways than one. "It's been a while since Eddie brought you around, I was starting to think you two broke up. I'm so glad you didn't."

"Yeah well, he just keeps reeling me back in," I said, sounding like an absolute moron.

"That's my boy. Such a lady killer," she gushed, reaching over to pinch Bella's cheek. "Anyway, this is my ward, Bree, and her big brother, Emmett," she introduced us.

"Your ward?" the Emmett guy questioned with a raised brow.

"Oh, you know what I mean," she dismissed him.

"Hi, you're pretty," Bree stepped forward to say to me. She reached up and stroked Bella's dripping hair where it rested on my shoulder. "Thanks. I should go change," I said, just wanting to retreat from the surreal meeting. The whole thing was weird, but the worst part was the immediate animosity I felt towards Emmett.

Bella was living with that guy? He was big and brawny, and what some girls would probably consider attractive. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

"That was so embarrassing," Bella whispered after she met me in her bedroom – or my bedroom, or whatever the hell. "Do you think they saw us kissing?"

"I don't know. Who the hell cares anyway?" I asked bitterly.

She scowled at me. "Why are you so upset right now?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were shacking up with some beefcake meathead?"

"What?" she snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"That Emmett guy! No wonder you like living here. Hate to break it to you, but you're a dude. I doubt he will go for you."

She scrunched my thick brows. "First of all, I just met him like yesterday because he is rarely home. And second of all, like you just said, I'm a guy so why would I go for him? Besides, he lives in the house and I'm out here. It's not exactly living together; we're more like neighbors. And what difference does his looks make? I'm not the ho you probably think I am. I don't go around and jump on every good-looking guy I meet."

"So, you admit he's good looking?" I challenged.

"What? I didn't say that."

"If you're not attracted to him, why'd you get all weird when they saw us in the pool?"

"Because I'm mostly naked and it's embarrassing!" she growled.

"You're a guy! Nobody cares that you're topless," I shouted back.

"Why are you being such a jerk?"

I opened my mouth to yell back at her, but I stopped myself. She was right. I was being a total idiot, and I honestly didn't know why.

"Can you just take me home," I said, forcing my tone to soften.

"I don't want you to leave," she said, lowering her voice as well.

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "School is already out. I'm sure your dad is going ballistic."

"Let him," she replied carelessly.

She slowly reached for me, and wrapped her arm around my waist to pull me into her for what felt like a much-needed embrace. Our world was so flipped upside down that it was impossible to keep from occasionally slipping. My emotions were all over the place, and my mind was spinning so fast I was honestly dizzy. Nothing made sense anymore, and I needed to somehow figure everything out.

I didn't make the decision to stay, but I didn't leave either. We changed out of our wet clothes, and crawled into bed. It was still early in the day, but I felt drained, so we just put on a movie and forgot the rest of the world for a while. We didn't kiss again – thankfully, since I doubted I could handle that at the moment – but she did snuggle up to me. She rested her head on my chest as we watched the screen, and her fingers locked with mine. It didn't feel weird being close like that, but the lack of weirdness only added more weight to my struggling thoughts.

As confused as I was, the only thing I could think rationally about, was just how badly I needed to get my body and life back. One way or another, it was time to figure it out.