"Regina, my name is Regina"
It was as if Robin had been hit square in the chest by something quite inexplicable. The simplicity of her name felt like something so precious, so secretive, and she had chosen to share it with him. As soon as the name left her lips, and his ears picked up the lovely sound of 'Regina', the world around him changed.
Nothing in the room moved, both of them were still facing each other on their knees, but right before his eyes, several things that had been gray and obscure gained color, just like magic. He had seen such a phenomenon happen before.
The moment when he first saw her for one – when red was brought back to his reality.
The day they nearly fell to their deaths from a tree and laughed their heads off about it - yellow was once again back in his life.
And that fateful day at the Royal Engagement Ball when she had marked him with his own arrow – he was then able to see the orange.
But every time a color was brought back to his sight, it felt simply magical.
This time it was as if a mystery, one of her many, had been finally uncovered. The light hitting her lovely features was no longer light gray but blue, her lips remained red, as they had always been, but now, the whole room was lit by the new soft indigo of the moonlight.
Robin was lost in an odd trance for a moment, taking in that odd but simple feeling of being able to see the color blue again, something he never thought possible.
She looked scared, so vulnerable she almost looked like someone else.
"Regina-" her name escaped his lips like a prayer, and he could tell she was holding her breath.
He could feel her releasing a bit of that breath when he traced a delicate finger along her jaw. He was transfixed by her beauty in this newfound moonlight, intrigued by the woman behind those tears that kept pouring out of her dark eyes, and so connected to her soul that it physically hurt, the ever-present spark when they touched felt stronger than ever.
"Why did that upset you so?" he found himself asking her, he wanted to know, he wanted to help.
Gods, what had she done to him?
"No one stays, everybody leaves" her voice came out softly, it was so different from what he was used to that Robin hardly recognized it.
But their meaning hit a hard chord inside him.
At the end of the day, this enigmatic creature, who had apparently sold her soul to darkness, was lonely. So much so, that she invited strange children to live with her and now suffered because of their rejection.
Something burned fiercely inside Robin's chest, the words were out of his lips before he could think them through, "I stayed."
"I made you." Her eyes went back to find his, her voice was coarse, her words bitter.
"You did-" he gave her, he felt the need to assure her that he did truly linger for her, "-but not the way you think you did."
But was it safe to let the truth out? Robin hardly knew what his feelings meant, they were inconsistent in nature but always so strong in intensity.
He chose to stay quiet, their noses a mere breath away from one another. He was slightly baffled when the stillness of the moment was broken by her lips crashing onto his own in a searing kiss. Robin was slightly taken aback at first and did not respond to the kiss accordingly, his mind overwhelmed with contradictory thoughts. The closing of her teeth on his lower lip woke him up, and Robin started to respond to the fervent kisses the Queen was giving him.
But his mind was a tangled mess, he did not know if silence and kisses was truly better than actually being truthful about what he felt.
What did she feel, anyway? That question burned holes in his heart, as for the answer to it, at that moment, he would rather not hear it.
She tangled her fingers in his hair and broke the kiss, her stare was intense, but it carried a hint of hurt. He found himself completely out of words, his mouth was still hanging open when she finally spoke.
"Robin," she called out his name like the siren that she was.
He knew he was done for when he brought their foreheads together and responded in a mere whisper, "Yes, Regina?"
Her next words neared on desperate, "Robin, make me forget."
He knit his brows together and asked, "Are you certain?"
Her answer was a mere breath as she traced her thumb over his lips "Yes." The contact gave him goosebumps. "I don't want to think anymore-" she moistened her lips and continued, "-all I want is to feel."
He could tell the truth behind what she was saying frightened her, it even frightened him, but she kept going, her touch light and her words utterly sincere. "I want to feel this-" she closed the distance between their bodies, making that buzz jump free in between their bodies and completed, "-with you."
That had done it, for that time, what she had said had sufficed to make him go over the edge. Her words lit a flame inside his chest, and Robin felt the physical need to ravage her mouth and wanted to touch her until that spark between them finally drove him mad. He was in such a state, that he would have done just about anything for her, just so he could have his name leave her lips with such passion again.
They went down the path they both knew only too well, having been physically intimate from the very start of their insane situation. But this time, every kiss, every touch felt somehow different to Robin, as if this time he was not sharing his pleasure with the Queen, but with someone else, with Regina.
Regina, the woman who hid under the surface, in his many months working for the Queen, he had only been able to see rare glimpses of Regina. She was the one that laughed without fear of making an odd sound, who bickered with him for her own amusement, but who also, most certainly, was shaken by this thing they had.
Robin came to the baffling conclusion that it had been Regina who had been able to reawaken his slumbering soul, and even piece together some parts of his tarnished heart. He wanted to know her, he wanted to see more of her, so when the words "Lay down" left his lips, Robin didn't even know what he intended to do.
Her walls were momentarily up again, she hid under the suspicious façade of the Queen but obliged. She kept her eyes open, looking up at him with a taste of mistrust and fear, but also curiosity.
He did not touch her at first, he took this moment to look at her, really look at her, half dressed, messed up hair, the red smeared around her lips, the watery trails of the many tears she had shed, still visible in that transfixing blue moonlight.
She averted her eyes from his as her cheeks gained a more intense shading of red. She looked so human, so vulnerable, so real. Not the marble goddess he had practically sold his soul to all those months ago, but a living and breathing woman with far too many ghosts.
Robin could not resist and touched her face lightly with the tips of his fingers, she closed her eyes then, seeming to relax a little, she looked more and more beautiful with each passing moment.
The words fell from his lips before he could think, "You are beautiful" . It was a mere whisper but it made her eyes open again.
To Robin's surprise, a single tear fell from her eye as she gave him in a watery voice, "No, I'm not" she let out a humorless laugh, "I'm a mess" she confessed, her features betrayed how defeated and awful she felt, Robin wanted to punch a hole into the stomach of whomever had made her believe that.
He tried to reassure her, giving her words filled with truth and compassion, "You're real; you've never looked more beautiful"
He knew she was going to fight this, she was going to disagree, tell him he had no idea of what he was talking about and that he did not know her at all. So when she opened her mouth to speak, Robin did not let the words see the light of day by stealing a kiss from her.
Robin had wanted to take it as slowly, cherish this rare moment of true intimacy as much as he could, but the Queen was soon urging him to take her, and her silky soft legs had always been one of his many weaknesses. He did feel as if things would somehow change between the two of them after this night, after seeing to it that the Queen reached her peak screaming and satisfied – there was nothing quite like the sound of that woman's screeching orgasm – Robin let himself relax on the soft surface of the white rug. The last thing he remembered before sleep and exhaustion finally took him, was still having the Queen's weight upon him, the buzz was ever present, and hoping that maybe they could just stay like this.
Just this once.
…
Robin's body screamed at him, his back ached and he could not feel his left leg.
He wasn't sure what had woken him up, he felt as if he had been sleeping for 5 days straight, but the rest had done very little to relax or recharge his body. There was a strange weight on him, a presence that was half-distressing, but also rather soothing, as if it belonged there, even though it made taking a deep breath impossible.
He popped a single eye open and a lot was explained.
Her
She was asleep on top of him, really sleeping, her head was turned to the side as her cheek rested on his shoulder, her legs were spread open as she laid on her belly and oh… Yes. They were both naked.
Robin blinked a few times, and had to hold back the gasp as he took in his surroundings and welcomed back the presence of blue to his world. He looked around, cataloguing everything that bore a somewhat bluish tinge and could not help but smirk at the light blue curtains, the soft flowery drawings of an empty water basin that rested on the nightstand, and the deep sapphire blue of the lacings he had removed from the Queen's corset the night before.
The Queen, he turned his attention back to her sleeping form.
But this was not the Queen per say, this was Regina, a facet of the Queen he seldom got to see. Before Robin knew it, his hand found the small of her back and started drawing small circles there, as he thought about the events of the night prior.
She had been a complete mess over what those children had said to her, which had led her to share more than she would have in normal circumstances. He could only imagine what she would do and how much she would screech when she woke up, so Robin reveled a little in that small quiet moment he had, with her still sound asleep and off guard.
She was beautiful in a wild and odd way, it went beyond the mere physical beauty that had him on his knees the very same day they met. He knew there was a determination and a fire within her, it made her dark eyes sparkle with something that drew him in like a moth to a flame.
She was a fearless leader, even in her half-crazy pursuit of Snow White, the Queen did not forget about the kingdom she was ruling. And rule she did, with more grace and dignity than he would have expected from a woman who had commissioned from him to carve out the heart of her own living and breathing stepdaughter.
Aside from all matters concerning Snow White, the Queen was rather reasonable and just, which at first took Robin by surprise, she was turning out to be quite a good Queen. Some subjects did not think so, for she had risen taxes on some parts of her lands, but Robin had to agree that Leopold had been rather too kind of a King, but in practical terms, his generosity could have led the kingdom to ruin if the Queen had not acted as she had. She was stern and firm, but just and fair, she had meddled with the taxes so all tenants paid proportions equal to their lands and not some made up number that would make them happy.
He found it that his curiosity for knowing why she wanted Snow White to suffer and die, and then suffer some more, grew with each passing day.
Maybe someday she would tell him.
She was quite the leader, to some degree, just as he had been with the Merry Men, only her methods were far more unorthodox than his had been. But at present time, Robin did not give a shit about who got scorched by the trail of rage and destruction they left behind. He rather liked to kill, felt an odd sensation of fulfilment when he did. Robin had always enjoyed hunting animals, but there was something special about taking the life of a human being. Maybe it was because death had taken Marian so easily from him, now he wanted to toy with the fates of others just like death had toyed with his sanity the day she had died. He could not quite grasp why it was, but he could tell the Queen shared his pleasure in killing.
A hum coming from the lady sleeping on top of him, brought Robin back to the here and now. She was stirring, beginning to wake up, and Robin would do well to brace himself for whatever reaction that she would have to this tangled position they found themselves in. He should have stopped caressing the small of her back, but he did not. He was actually surprised to feel her place a soft kiss on his neck that made almost every hair on his body stand, amongst other things that had already been half erect.
He had that smirk she detested so much glued to his lips, which would ensure him that she would scorch like a flaming dragon. Robin decided to pretend he was half sleeping himself. He understood that she was reserved, did not like showing other people parts of her that she would deem personal and delicate. And she had done so the night before, she had been truthful and real to a degree he had never seen.
Robin had to remind himself that she had also recoiled from him before, a few months ago when they had shared that insane adventure in the kingdom by the sea and had almost gotten killed by a pack of wolves. She had isolated herself for weeks after they had shared intense and revealing moments on top of that tree. He did not want that to happen again.
When her eyes finally popped open, after her lips slurred his name, his own were half closed and Robin pretended to murmur something. Her expression changed from sleepy and relaxed to alarmed and scared very quickly, and Robin knew he was to act swiftly if he wanted to share a little bit more of that odd buzz.
"You know-" he gave her, his voice a little coarse, "-you're heavier than you look."
It worked! His seemingly careless attitude washed off the terrified expression from her features and gave way to her usual half-annoyed half-amused disposition. He encouraged the bantering, it was a safer ground for them, something they were used to, something they were almost comfortable with.
Obviously, the bantering evolved into something much more indecent in a very short time span, but Robin wasn't one to complain. It seemed as if the cat-like seductive Queen was back as she traced her tongue up his neck and whispered in his ear. Her hand had found it's way downward and she stroked him once as she reveled in having this control over him.
Robin did not even dream about protesting even if she was teasing him mercilessly, but as fate would have it, it seemed as if he was not to be given a single moment to rest and enjoy himself.
That bloody mirror, genie, devil thing, demanded to see the Queen and she obliged. She had given the genie access only after clothing the both of them and informing Robin that if the genie was able to get through the magical barriers of their deal, his information was truly valuable.
The information turned out to be quite important, he showed them an image of Snow White, walking through the woods in the company of seven dwarfs. Which was rather confusing to Robin since he knew for a fact that Prince James, whomever he was, was quite taken with her, most likely head over heels in love with that pale faced brat.
So why would she be prancing around the woods with seven dwarfs for fuck sakes? He thought to himself.
"Maybe your perception of true love is dulled, thief" the Queen spat at him with sarcasm, and Robin could not help but feel hot with anger.
He went on to explain why he was sure that the Prince was indeed in love with the girl and how he himself could not quite understand what he saw in her. He was in the middle of his explanation when a mere set of three words on her part hushed him completely, "She's crying Robin."
His name. It was so rare of her to use it that he was momentarily without action. He took a few steps and came to a halt right beside her and placed a soft hand on the small of her back, feeling that undeniable spark once more.
She gasped and jumped away from him, and tried to conceal her blush, tried to be all business, but she was too excited to hide her true colors. Her eyes sparkled with mean intent as she showed him that Snow was actually crying, that she was upset and miserable.
The Queen's happiness did not last for long, a moment later she noticed – and Robin kicked himself for not noticing it sooner – that the image shown to them was set in the night time, and, unless Snow White had been able to traverse to the other side of the world, the images shown were not happening at that moment.
As it turned out, the images were actually from the night prior and the mirror claimed that he was not able to reach out for the Queen then because of Robin himself. He felt his hand close in a tight fist as the man in the mirror eyed him with contempt when he told the Queen that maybe their magical arrangement needed to be changed and certain restrictions removed.
"I'm sure that the Queen has very good reasons for such restrictions." The words flew from Robin's mouth before he could think them over.
He had placed himself in front of her and eyed the mirror with a murderous gaze as the daring fool risked asking the Queen to bend the rules for him once again. Robin was ready to throw a punch at the mirror, he was so angry at that sleazy git he could hardly think straight, if it weren't for the sudden presence of the Queen's hand on his shoulder, he would have broken the item into a million pieces.
Her touch had on many occasions soothed him and electrified his senses. But at this moment, something different was at play. Robin still felt as angry as ever, but he could also detect that it was not only his anger that made his heart beat faster.
Regina was so sick, so tired of having people want to use her.
That was definitely her, but how on earth was he able to feel that?
Before he knew it, she had managed to grasp the genie by the throat and squeezed out every last drop of information he had. Robin could not help but feel proud of her at some level, he did not know what had happened between her and that man, but from the looks of it, he had tried to take advantage of her in the past and was stupid enough to try and do it again now. She put him in his place and terrified him out of his wits for good measure, and Robin could not help but feel good about it.
She wanted to send out a spy, for she knew the very last location Snow White had been spotted at, but finding one that fit her description would prove to be a very difficult task.
He did offer his services, even though he knew he would make a very bad spy having been a wanted man for half of his life and the Queen's personal hangman for the last six months or so. But when she used this same reasoning to explain why he was no good for the job, Robin could not help but be smug.
"Oh! Does that mean that you trust me?" He smirked at her but his humor did not last for long, for her eyes went wide and her face grew pale. He realized then he was treading in very delicate territory.
"I won't turn on you" he actually spoke the truth, he could not imagine betraying her, ever.
"You'd better not." Her demeanor turned ice cold, she was serious, dead serious.
"I won't" he tried to reassure her, "I give you my word." And even though his word was not worth much these days, still, he gave it to her and promised himself he would never break it, even if it meant death.
The conversation was turned towards the problem of the perfect spy, which she quickly found a solution to. The Queen was going to disguise herself as a peasant and go, a mission that was very dangerous, an idea Robin did not like at all. But her magic did not seem to be working properly, for after the smoke cleared out, she still looked like the stunning Queen who rocked his world.
Unfortunately for them, the one person who could cast the bloody spell right was the imp Rumpelstiltskin, he appeared out of nowhere and offered his help as if it was a daily occurrence. Robin stared daggers back at the creature, remembering how he had sworn to kill him were he ever to see Robin again after the Oz fiasco. But the imp was not there to fight, he was there to bargain, and quickly made his price known, the whereabouts of the girl Robin had kidnapped a few months ago.
Belle
Robin did not know what he was expecting the Queen to deliver but when she told the imp the story of how Belle died a slow death because of her association with Rumpelstiltskin, he had to admit he was impressed. She was even more vile than he had expected, she must truly loathe the imp.
He was surprised that the tale stuck and the imp looked devastated, but not devastated enough not to fulfill his end of the bargain.
The smoke engulfed the Queen's entire figure and when it cleared, the imp delivered meaningless parting words but gave Robin a wicked smile before he disappeared.
She had her back turned to him, but it wasn't her anymore. He could see she was a tad fuller and a little shorter, her hair was also different, but Robin was far too intrigued about why she had made up such a cruel tale to tell the imp.
All of the questions regarding her reasoning disappeared in an instant from Robin's mind when the Queen turned around and he took a look at her 'new face'.
Robin hardly noticed that he almost tripped backwards as he felt the void inside his chest burn at the sight before his eyes. It was Marian, she was wearing Marian's features and for a moment Robin did not know if he wanted to scream or vomit. He did neither, he was petrified on the spot, horrified and speechless. Robin felt his face grow cold, as Regina, the Queen, Marian frowned and asked what was wrong. He had to be in some kind of nightmare, for it could not be, this was too cruel a joke to be played on him.
But there she was, standing in front of him as if death had not taken her. The imp had done a perfect job, she was the spitting image of his long gone wife as she moved over and looked at him with those big brown eyes he had once worshiped. He felt light headed and found that he could not look at her, the sight too disturbing. He turned away, maybe he was going mad, maybe this was all in his head.
What brought him back to reality was the Queen's speaking voice. It was clear as the day, it was not Marian's voice, but the Queen's, even though, when he looked up, it came out of Marian's lips. He blinked a few times and focused on the bizarre sight of her, it still looked like Marian, but sounded like the Queen, that alone was giving Robin a royal headache.
She turned towards the half-broken mirror to inspect herself, and Robin realized that her manner had not changed, the way she patted herself and worked the borrowed body betrayed her completely. She was the definition of a wolf in sheep's skin, it was still the Queen, not Marian.
Marian was dead.
Still, when she turned back to face him, it felt as if he was being shot by flaming arrows in the eyeballs, he could hardly speak, "You still sound like you, not-"
She was dismissive and uncaring, definitely the Queen, not his Marian. She started to speak again and Robin was trying very hard to rail in all the very odd emotions he felt because of this. He tried to ignore his feelings, true, he was certain they were being dulled because of his lack of heart, but they were still very much painful even without it.
When she screamed in rage since the imp had taken away her magic, Robin went back to his normal senses, if only a little. The fog of the shock started to clear and he realized she would be venturing out completely unprotected, he could not have that.
"In answering your previous question-" she suddenly spoke again and brought him back to the here and now, "-I told that imp that misfortunate tale because he deserved to suffer for it."
"And he deemed that I should suffer as well," the words flowed out of his mouth before he could think, it was the truth after all. He then remembered the sly smile the creature had given him just before his departure. He had done this on purpose, since he had just heard the news about Belle being dead, he wanted someone else to feel his pain as well.
Bastard
She looked momentarily hurt because of his words, which was an absolutely haunting sight for Robin's eyes, "What is that supposed to mean?" she whispered dangerously. It was so odd having Marian's face and the Queen's manner and voice all in one, it made everything so confusing and sickening.
He managed to swallow everything down, all the hurt, the pain, the nausea and the inclination to jump out of the window and gave her, "Nothing your majesty."
She knew he was lying, he was damned, he had gotten in too deep with the woman.
She huffed and told him, "Grab my arm."
"What?" he was then genuinely puzzled, "Why?"
As much as Robin did not want to be anywhere near her as long as she wore his dead wife's face, he had to admit she had a point. The castle was the most well secured place he had ever encountered, it would not be safe for her to be wandering around with a stranger's face, Robin knew only too well what they did with trespassers.
But he was not pleased with the fact that he had to touch her of all things, when his hand made contact with her upper arm, the zapping sensation was still there, and all this was going to succeed in driving him completely mad. He still had some sense in his head to remember to drop by his rooms and fetch a small dagger he had, he left her outside, the less he saw of her the better, and continued the rest of the way to the stables without so much as a word or a glance towards her.
She wanted to take a horse, according to her, her horse, so Robin led her to the stables. Their time there was, as per usual, not what Robin had expected, she still wore the face of the woman Robin had loved most fiercely in his entire existence, but he seemed to be capable of reining his feelings in as the Queen explained how she had cursed a horse with a sleeping curse because she hated Snow White so much.
It was funny how the fact that she had done all that seemed completely normal to him, almost trivial really. But the words she used to talk about her husband lingered, "As all Kings take what does not belong to them because they think they were born with that right." She had spat with so much contempt. King Leopold was actually quite lucky to be dead, Robin could make death last forever if he wanted to.
He was rather impressed by the change in her manner when she approached her horse, it could sense that it was still her, even in the skin of his beloved, but a softer version of the woman he had come to know.
He decided then to give her the small weapon he had taken from his rooms and to his absolute surprise, she looked quite stunned that he offered her such a thing. He had been waiting for at least one rude remark about her being perfectly capable of taking care of herself but it never came. Her reaction hit him badly, given her current use of face, for she looked surprised and blushed only a bit. She gave him a small, "Thank you" which shocked him utterly and turned her back on him before he could process what had just happened.
She prepped her mare for the ride all by herself, which also surprised Robin, after all, she was a Queen, and a lady of noble birth before that, he knew full well there had always been a stable boy to do that kind of handy work for her, even if she did enjoy the riding.
"How on earth do you know how to do all that?" he could not help but ask as she finished up.
She got on the horse and led it outside the stall. She made her way towards the sunny entrance, the light was strong in his eyes but he could still see her, the outline of her on that mare, riding away. Everything was bearable, everything was under control until she turned her face towards him, Marian's face, with a sly smile Marian had never worn, and told him, "I told you I did not want to be a Queen." To finish up, she winked at him and then rode away, fast and certain, leaving Robin behind with the feeling that his heart had turned to ash.