Kakashi wakes up in the Uzu clinic, Yuwaku -the Taki seductress- hovering over him since she is the best healer if Tsunade isn't available, not because of her medical knowledge but from her terrifyingly precise chakra control.

All his injuries are treated and healed as well as Yuwaku can manage. He feels better now. Less dying. But his ribs still ache if he moves wrong and his arm needs to get a brace for now. (And he's developed an annoying flinch when people's hands get too close to his normal eye.)

Kakashi will probably be put back into information gathering or battle planning but luckily he's young and therefore doesn't need as long to snap back as he would have in the past (future?).

Kakashi then looks sideways and raises an eyebrow.

"It was an ambush," the Shimo traveller says from one cot over, and sounds like he grits it out, because he's been getting so much shit for getting caught like a fresh genin.

The Kumo didn't get it as bad because she's an information broker and she doesn't even like fighting, but she still got mocked for ages after getting caught by Konoha. People would follow her around and pretend to be her bodyguards.

Honestly, the one to cop the worst of it was the in-village Iwa who missed the mission being sent out and caught on too late to intercept.

(Hashirama volunteered to leave a 'message' and left yesterday as soon as they confirmed who was behind the attacks.)

"There were a dozen of them, and they hit me as I was coming out of the shower," Shimo complains. He looks to be downed by an injury to his left hip, among wire friction burns and several usual signs of being in a fight. "I was in a towel, and then they shot me with a tranquilizer. They had no self-respect, fighting like that."

Kakashi purses his lips. "Well I killed most of them, so what happened to yours?"

Shimo shrugs. "I waited until some left and then beat the shit out of the rest while I was still drugged. And naked. Like a real man does." He looks Kakashi over. "Anyway, aren't you supposed to be stronger these days?"

Kakashi pauses. "I am half the size of an adult, and weigh a third as much. I killed nine jounin in as many minutes, and if I was bigger, I could have taken at least twice that. What do you mean stronger?"

"I'm just saying, judging by how you looked when you came in..." Shimo trails off. "I don't know, it's weirdly upsetting seeing a kid so messed up."

Weirdly upsetting? Is he a supporter of Hashirama's 'no children' stance in the making? Kakashi shakes his head, disappointed.

Yuwaku comes back with the arm brace and they both study the instructions for it before fumbling the thing on. Kakashi then waits out the Taki's cooing and cheek pinching before making a break for it as soon as she gets distracted by the approaching Ishi merchant looking for a stock list of the clinic.

The Shimo looks betrayed as Kakashi flips out of the window.

Kakashi is nesting in a hole in the sand of a medium-sized Uzu island, dressed down because he's about to go for a swim and shoving his feet through the sand just to feel it get between his toes.

"A little more to the left," Reto says, the First Kazekage standing with his hands on his hips to the right of Kakashi, peering out into the waves where the Kiri is pretending to be Kaguya to test out one of their traps, the woman currently ringed by several other travellers because this is a team work plan.

Kakashi tilts his head. "Do you think, if you asked politely, Kaguya would move a little bit to the left?" he asks innocently but the undertone is all biting sarcasm, made even more patronising with his high-pitched little boy chirp.

Reto looks down at Kakashi. "Why are you in a hole?"

"Wait for it," Kakashi says.

There's a shrieking crack followed by a sonic boom.

Kakashi folds the earth over his little hole and trembles when the earthquake shakes him. He then reinforces it by burning the sand to a thick, opaque glass and adds another layer by forming a little bubble of air around him to wait out the resulting tsunami.

When Kakashi emerges with a lightning strike to crack his little egg open, Reto is hunched over with hands on his knees, panting hard and dripping water. Kudos to him - he didn't budge an inch.

"Do you want a hole, too?" Kakashi asks.

Reto does not deign to reply.

Kakashi paces around the small group he's gathered for a late-battle sneak attack. "Okay, one more time. You thlow- slow down at the earth tunneling, you need to make it snappy."

Kakashi purses his lips, tongue poking at the gap in his teeth because the Kusa knocked out the loose baby tooth. He can't wait until his adult canines grow in.

"I just learned that digging shit today," the Iwa battle maniac complains.

"Which is probably some kind of insult to your village because you're from Tsuchi no Kuni," Kakashi points out. "Do it again."

The 'you incompetent moron' is heavily implied.

"Can't we just wing it?" the Kumo information broker offers, trying and failing to brush all the dirt off her.

Kakashi just has to raise an eyebrow to convey how utterly unimpressed he is. "I've been watching you, when I played Kaguya. My arm is in a brace and you still went down like a lead balloon."

Kumo splutters, throwing her arms up. "I wasn't expecting you to summon a fucking volcano underneath me."

"That was a fire and earth jutsu mix, I did not actually tap into the lava flow under the Uzu mountain chain," Kakashi corrects. "And yes, Kaguya can throw you into a volcano dimension. Follow the set plans, any other time you're not on shift during the battle, go nuts for all I care."

Kakashi gestures at the group as a whole. "Do it again. There will be no excuses for failure when we confront her - I'm not doing this time travel shit again, I'll come back as an infant if we do. We practise it until you can do it with your eyes closed."

"Oh, Copy Kitten will become Copy Fetus."

"Shut up and go!"

There's a brief break when the usual 'special' supplies arrive which means alcohol, fine literature from Jiraiya and Bingo Books - sprinkled with the occasional stock of new weapons and medical supplies.

Kakashi searches through the crates eagerly but can't find any Icha Icha and sadly retreats with a pouch full of shuriken as a consolation prize. The cargo is quickly picked clean and everyone migrates over to the wide, open area atop the highest cliffs where fallen trees provide seating around a currently unlit bonfire - though the sky is quickly darkening.

Kakashi is almost at the point where his brace should come off so he just ditches it and assumes it'll heal fine - it always does.

He sits a bit apart from the crowd and watches as the Ame kids run around, trying to coax chocolate off people because they were too slow to reach the supply delivery before it was all gone.

Kakashi makes a note to get chocolate for Obito next time.

A conversation off to the side quickly escalates into an argument, throwing kunai, and then the start of what looks to be a water jutsu before, somehow, the triplets launch into a rap battle with B - who was meant to leave back to Kumo today after a week-long visit to catch up on planning.

Apparently no one has anything else to do, gradually crowding around and heckling, stomping their feet to make a beat.

One triplet flips her hair, two others hustling up beside her. "We be spittin' straight bars, you barely spittin' straight when you got it written-"

"-baby's bijuudama looks like bitch, damn, somethin' just ain't fitin'-"

"-go get a hug from daddy 'cause we're big boy Copy Cat, you're still just Copy Kitten."

Everyone starts screaming hysterically, the crowd spasming, half of them cracking up laughing. Obito falls to his hands and knees, slamming his fist into the ground as he wheezes.

Kakashi sits on a crate off to the side, frowning at everyone.

Kakashi, two days later and still salty, has planted himself into the cliff face, definitely not planning a surprise attack on the unsuspecting travellers below.

"Hey, you're up," Kazaru calls down over the edge.

"A mission? I thought I was still off until the end of the week?"

"Emergency," Kazaru explains. "Check in at the main room."

Kakashi has half a mind to be upset because it prevents him from messing with those assholes, but also it means he can finally go back on roster again.

And then Kakashi gets the message and he's immediately on edge.

Communication with Konoha travellers has been cut off for a while, rather abruptly. The information network extending inside can't get close enough to get a proper explanation but something is happening.

The Kiri and Kumo tacticians are being recalled for the matter with Kakashi providing knowledge of the area and culture. Don'yoku, the Yu with the long string of husbands and an even greater pile of kenjutsu techniques, is providing backup. More can be pulled in if needed.

When Kakashi gets to Konoha, Jiraiya's house is under scrutiny. As is Tsunade in the hospital while she works and Orochimaru in his large office full of paperwork.

Sakumo is in prison.

Kakashi takes a few deep breaths and heads to the ROOT tunnels where a young man leads him to Danzo's- Orochimaru's- the big office in the back with the most security.

Several ROOT are standing at attention for him there and stare, waiting for orders.

Kakashi sighs. "Report."

.

A/N:

Hashirama: I'm going to Iwa to have a talk with some people.

Tobirama: *opens his mouth, looks at small boi in hospital bed, closes mouth*

Tobirama: Yeah have fun.