The Man Who Lived
Chapter 11
"You're a wizard, Harry."
Eleven years later, Harry could still vividly remember Hagrid saying those words. Words that had completely changed his life. Up until a couple of weeks ago, if anyone had asked, he would have told them that he considered that day - the day that he'd discovered the existence of the magical world and, more importantly, that he belonged in it - to be the greatest of his life. He could still remember the wonder and awe of seeing Diagon Alley for the first time; the joy of receiving his owl, Hedwig, his first real friend; the realization that neither he nor his parents were worthless losers and freaks but that he and they were actually quite special. Discovering that he was a wizard had not only freed him from the abuse and oppression of the Dursleys – at least for nine months of the year – but it had also opened up a new world of exciting possibilities. Ultimately, it had filled him with hope. Hope that maybe – just maybe - his life would finally get better. That he would no longer be the lonely, little boy in the cupboard under the stairs.
And he had to admit that, for the most part, the hopes that the magical world had held out to him as a young boy and come to fruition. He realized that now, as a grown man, his life more or less completely revolved around the magical world. All of his friends were magical. His profession involved magic. He traveled exclusively via magical means. His home was full of magical tomes and objects. And he never went anywhere without his wand. Harry saw that his entire identity was wrapped up in being a wizard. And, now, God was asking him to give it all up. Could he do it, he asked himself. Could he actually go back to living like a Muggle?
He'd obviously lived without magic before – during both his pre-Hogwarts years and also the summer holidays when he was back at Privet Drive. But both of those situations had been much different than what he was considering now. Before, he'd lived as a Muggle because he either hadn't known that magic even existed or simply because he'd been forced to due to Ministry laws. Thus, he'd really had no say in the matter. But, now, if he chose to walk away from magic, he would be doing so voluntarily – completely of his own volition. And, as he stood at the foot of his parents' grave with the light of the moon shining down, he still didn't know what he was going to do.
After leaving Festus' office earlier in the evening, he'd gone home to Grimmauld Place, but not surprisingly, sleep just wouldn't come despite how exhausted he was. He simply couldn't turn his mind off. So, sometime in the middle of the night, he got out of bed and apparated to the cemetery of Godric's Hollow – to where his spiritual journey had begun just over one month ago. As he looked once again at the epitaph on his parents' tombstone, he remembered the thoughts that he'd had that night after the BIQL championship - that the mystery of why he was filled with a sense of emptiness was somehow connected to the mystery of the epitaph. He'd known in his gut that the two riddles were related in some way. He shook his head at the memory because he never could have guessed at the time just how right he was. He was still absolutely amazed at just how much Jesus had changed him. Christ was now the prism through which Harry viewed everything – God, himself, money, work, sex and relationships, marriage and family, the entire world. And, now, even how he viewed magic.
As he stood there in the moonlight, he thought back to his conversation earlier with Festus in his office. It had taken quite a while for the pastor to get over the shock of discovering that Harry was a wizard, but once he had, the two of them had entered into a very long discussion. Harry had first given Festus a short summary of his life, but then they'd gotten to the matter at hand.
"Festus, please tell me that the magic in the Bible is completely different than the magic that I do. I mean, yes, in my world, not all magic is considered good. There is such a thing as 'black magic.' Unforgivable curses, necromancy, horcruxes, forbidden potions. Things like that. So, please tell that, when the Bible is talking about magic, that's what it's referring to. And not every-day magic, like flying a broom or turning a pincushion into a hedgehog."
"Harry, as much as I'd like to, I can't tell you that. We've discussed this before. The Bible doesn't come with a dictionary in the back where it explicitly defines its terminology. To be honest, this topic – magic in the Bible – isn't even an area that I've done any extensive study on. As you can imagine, I've never really needed to before."
"Well, can we start looking into it? And I mean now, Festus. Right now. Because this isn't something I can put off. This isn't like my decision with Ginny, where I could simply postpone it. My entire life is wrapped up in magic. I do it every single day – including with my job – so I've got to know, like now, what I should do."
"Of course, of course. Hold on one second." At that point, Festus got up, grabbed a very thick book from his book shelf, and brought it back to his desk. "This is an exhaustive or unabridged concordance. Unlike the small concordances in the back of most Bibles, this book contains an entry for every single word that's in the Bible – in both the original Hebrew or Greek. We'll start our study with this."
"That's why," said Harry.
"Why what?"
"A few weeks back, I actually tried to look up the word 'magic' in my concordance, but it wasn't in there."
"Yeah, the concordances in Bibles are abridged. They don't contain every word. Just the main ones."
For the next couple of hours, Harry had paced around the office while Festus had looked through various texts and reference books. At the end of it all, however, the pastor had no good news to give.
"I'm sorry, Harry. When I research the original Hebrew and Greek words that we translate into English as 'magic' and 'sorcery' and so forth…I'm not finding anything that distinguishes it as some kind of special branch of magic, like 'black magic.'"
Harry immediately sighed and lowered his head.
"Now, I will say that, when I read of the magic discussed in the Bible, not all the time, but many times, it seems to imply that those who were practicing magic were tapping into evil, demonic forces for nefarious purposes. Which, obviously, based on what you've told me, doesn't sound like the magic you perform. But I can't definitively say, without a doubt, that the magic you do is different to the 'witchcraft' and 'sorcery' and 'casting spells' that the Bible refers to. I just can't."
"Which means what? That as a magic user I'm detestable in God's eyes, and that I'm condemned to Hell?"
"No, Harry, not at all. Someone who can use magic is no more detestable than any other sinner. We all have fallen short of God's perfect standard and need His mercy and grace. We all need Christ. You no more or no less than the rest of us. However, based on my understanding of the Scriptures, it does mean that, whenever you use magic, you are sinning against God."
"Fantastic. That's just…fantastic."
"So, you may not have had a choice on being born a wizard. But you can choose whether or not to act on those powers. That choice is entirely within your hands."
The sound of some chirping birds brought Harry out of the memory, and when he came to himself, he saw the first touches of light in the east. The sun would be rising soon. He looked back at his parents' headstone, and he suddenly realized that in the entire time that he'd been standing there, unlike with his past visits, he hadn't spoken to them at all. He'd been doing nothing but talking to God. He briefly wondered what had changed – because, in the past, speaking to James and Lily had always comforted him a bit. But he didn't wonder about it for too long because he had more pressing matters on his mind.
He sighed and lifted his eyes heavenward.
"Lord, I really need You to show me what to do. Because I'm having a hard time accepting that the magic that I do is actually evil. That it's a sin. I mean…that just doesn't make any sense to me. I know that magic can be used for evil purposes, but it can be used for good, too. So, how can it be wrong? So, please…just show me what the right thing to do is." He then swallowed hard. "And then give me the courage to do it. Because I do want to honor You."
A moment later, he was about to apparate home, but something stopped him. Instead, he felt compelled to walk over to the Dumbledore family gravesite. Once there, he looked at the headstone, and his eyes fell onto the epitaph, 'For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'
He sighed again and closed his eyes.
"What do you treasure most, Harry?" he asked himself. "What do you treasure most?"
oOo
"You're honestly going to give up magic?" asked Andromeda.
Teddy had already been tucked in for the night so it was just the two of them in her den.
"I still don't know yet," answered Harry. "But, yeah, I'm considering it."
But the truth was that he was more than just considering it. That day, every time that he'd used magic – whether it was using the floo network, flying his broom at practice, or apparating - he'd felt a prick in his conscience. And he hated that feeling because he was almost positive that it was the Holy Spirit telling him that he was sinning.
"And have you truly thought through your decision – about everything you'd be giving up?"
He nodded and then pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.
"Yeah. A lot. I even wrote down a 'Pros & Cons' list."
"And what did you come up with?"
"Well, in no particular order - I'd have to give up Quidditch and find a new profession. More than that, though, I'd have to quit the National team just a few days before our semi-final match. I would absolutely hate letting down my teammates like that. Putting them in that position. And it's not just them. I feel like I've got the hopes of the entire nation on my shoulders. I'd be letting them down, too."
"Couldn't you wait until after the World Cup is over to decide?"
Harry sighed.
"I've thought about that, and, yeah, I could but…delayed obedience is disobedience. I mean, if you told Teddy to clean his room, would you accept him telling you, 'I'll do it tomorrow'?"
Andromeda gave a rueful small. "No, I wouldn't."
"Right. So, if I feel God convicting me of this today, then I need to obey today."
She gave a small nod of understanding. "What else have you got on your list?"
"I'd probably have to find a new place to live. Because my townhouse on Grimmauld Place isn't set up for Muggle-style living. Plus, it'd also be a real pain having to use Muggle modes of transportation. Do you realize just how convenient the floo network, apparating, and port keys are? A trip that takes Muggles hours only takes us seconds. There's also the headache of putting all my money in a Muggle bank, getting Muggle identification, getting a Muggle university to accept my Hogwarts transcript if I decide to go that route. A lot of little things like that. There's also the issue of safety."
"What do you mean?"
"There are a lot of people that love me for defeating Voldemort. But I have no doubt that there are some out there in the Wizarding world that still hate me for that." Carrow and his ilk immediately came to mind. "Now, most of the hardcore, pure-blood fanatics are in Azkaban, but I'm not naïve enough to think that all of them are. And if they find out that I've given up magic, I'll be at their mercy. Heck, without magic, I'd be at the mercy of a first-year Hogwarts student. So, what do I do about that? Do I hire full-time security or do I change my identity and go into hiding in the Muggle world? I don't know. But, honestly, that's not even my biggest concern."
"What is?"
"My relationships. I know that if I make this decision, then a lot people – maybe even some of my friends – are going to turn their back on me. Maybe not immediately, but probably over time. I mean, I can tell that a lot of them already think I'm nuts because I've decided to follow Jesus. If I give up magic, too? Well…" He then swallowed hard. "My biggest concern though is Teddy. How do you think he would take it if I give up magic? If I could never take him flying again? Would he…would he still want me in his life?"
Harry's voice cracked when he said the last, and he immediately felt his eyes well up. Instantly, he clenched his jaws to get control of his emotions.
"Would you even still allow me in his life?"
He saw compassion come to Andromeda's face.
"Oh, Harry. Of course, he'd still want you in his life. He adores you. You're pretty much all that he talks about. And, yes, I'd still let you be a part of his life. I told you, as long as you keep loving him that way that you have, you'll always have a place in his life." Suddenly, her face got stern. "However, if you do decide to go through with this, then when you tell him about your decision, I forbid you from telling him that practicing magic is a sin. Because you may believe that, but I don't. And I don't want you putting that idea into his impressionable, little mind. Understood?"
Harry nodded. "Of course. You're his guardian. I'll respect your wishes."
"Now, when he gets older, perhaps when he's a teenager at Hogwarts, if he asks you more about your decision, then fine. You can get into the details, and at that point, he can make his own decision. But not now. He's too young."
Harry nodded again, but he knew that there would probably be friction between the two of them at some point in the future. Because, even though he was going to do his best to respect her wishes, he also knew that he would never, ever lie to Teddy. And if a few years down the line the young boy asked Harry why he'd given up magic, then he was going to tell him the truth. He would do his absolute best to tell him in a way that was age-appropriate, but again, he wasn't going to lie about it either.
"So, is there actually anything on the 'Pros' side of the ledger?"
"Yeah," he said with a nod. "Honoring God. And the joy that comes from being in a loving, obedient relationship with Him."
"That's it?"
Harry gave her a small smile.
"That's a lot."
She peered into his eyes for a moment before sighing.
"Harry, have you thought about if you're wrong?"
Harry gave her another smile.
"About what exactly – what the Bible says about magic or about Jesus being God?"
"All of it."
"Andromeda, if Jesus isn't God…if His death didn't pay the penalty of my sins, then -when I die and I'm standing before the holy, righteous God of the universe and I have to give an account of my life - being wrong about the Bible's teaching on magic will be the least of my concerns."
"And what if you're wrong about there being a god at all? Frankly, I have doubts that god even exists."
"Well, if God doesn't exist, if our souls aren't eternal and there is no real after-life, then I won't have any regrets. Because, at that point, I won't even exist." He then leaned forward and peered hard into her eyes. "But what if I'm right, Andromeda? What if there really is a God? And what if the Bible really is His Word? And what if the teachings and principles found within it are absolute Truth, with a capital T? Then, whatever sacrifices I make here on earth – no matter how big they may seem to me at the time – they would be absolutely fleeting and insignificant compared to the unimaginable joy of being with Him for eternity. Isn't that what you told me about Ted – that you had no regrets about your decision to marry him because you'd chosen the better path of love? And that it was worth whatever sacrifice you had to go through?"
She didn't say anything. She simply nodded in response. At which point, Harry sat up straight in his chair. He nodded back, and then a small smile slowly came to his face.
"Well, imagine that…but multiply it by eternity." And with that, he stood up from this chair. "Thanks, Andromeda. This conversation really helped. I know what I have to do."
oOo
Harry sat in front of his locker at the English National Quidditch Team stadium, but he wasn't wearing his uniform and neither his teammates nor any of his coaches were anywhere to be seen. He had his Bible open in his lap and was reading a passage from the book of Matthew, but he looked up when he heard the locker room door open. A moment later, Constance and Tracey entered.
"They're ready," announced Constance.
He nodded and then made his way to the door.
"Harry, are you positive about this?" asked Tracey. "It's not too late to change your mind."
"I have no doubts. But thanks for asking."
The three of them stepped out into the hallway and began their way to the Press Corps conference room. Harry had conducted dozens of interviews there over the years, but he knew that none of them had been quite like the one he was about to give. Even though he'd just told Tracey that he had no doubts about his decision, he could still feel his heart pounding in his chest as he walked down the hall. He consciously began to control his breathing - taking very slow, deep breaths. Suddenly, he felt a hand slip into his and give it a tender squeeze. He looked over to see Constance smiling at him.
"Remember," she said. "I'm here for you, no matter what, okay?"
"Thanks, Constance. You're a good friend." He then looked at Tracey. "You both are."
A moment later, they arrived at the closed doors to the interview room. Even with the doors shut, Harry could hear the murmur of voices coming from within, which meant that the room must have been packed.
"Do you still want to go to dinner afterward?" asked Constance.
"Of course."
"Well, you'll have to pick the restaurant. I'm not real knowledgeable of the Muggle world."
"I'm no real expert, either."
"Then, it looks like we've got a grand adventure ahead of us, don't we?" she said with a smile.
He peered into her beautiful, blue eyes.
"Yeah," he said with a smile of own. "Looks that way."
"Well, good luck," she said, squeezing his hand.
He gave her a nod and then opened the doors. Almost immediately, flashes from the photographers' cameras started going off. He paused for just a moment at the sight before him because he'd honestly never seen the interview room so packed. It was literally standing room only. He made his way through the crowd to the front of the room where there was a single podium in the center of the stage. Once there, he placed his Bible on the lectern and opened it to the book-marked page. He said a short, silent prayer and took a deep breath before lifting his eyes toward the room.
He'd asked Tracey to contact every journalist that she could think of – not just ones who covered Quidditch – and it appeared that, once again, she'd proven her worth as an agent. He knew that, due to his fame, the news of his decision would soon spread across the Wizarding world, and he wanted that as many people as possible get the truth directly from his mouth and not from second-hand sources. So, even though he had no love for journalists, he'd chosen to call a press conference anyway because knew he needed to tell the general populace of his decision. Of course, he had little doubt that there would be some in the press who would do their best to mangle and twist his words to fit whatever narrative they wanted to push, but there was nothing he could do to change that. That was just the nature of the beast.
But there were more than just the despised journalists present in the conference room. That morning, Harry had sent out a Patronus to dozens of people – his coaches, his teammates, his friends, and several Ministry officials, including Minister Shacklebolt – asking them to gather for an emergency meeting. He knew that they deserved to hear of his decision in a more intimate setting than through a press conference. To say that they were shocked – and a few of them quite irate – would have been an understatement. Most of them were not now in attendance, but as he glanced around, he did see a few - like Hagrid, Minerva, and Hermione. Kingsley and several Ministry personnel were also present. Harry had no doubt that, after he was done speaking, the Minister would want to say a few words. He'd never known any politician who ever missed an opportunity to speak to the press.
Harry swallowed in order to clear his throat, took another deep breath, and then finally spoke.
"Thank you all for being here this afternoon, especially on such short notice. I promise that I'm not wasting your time. I've got a short, prepared statement, and then afterwards, I'll take your questions.
"I'd like to start off my announcement by reading a short parable. 'The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all that he had and bought that field.' Well, I have found that treasure…and it's the greatest treasure any man could ever have. It's so great, in fact, that I'm joyfully willing to 'sell' all that I have to keep it.
"And that treasure is my relationship with a man who died two thousand years ago on a Roman cross. He died to save the world from the penalty of our sins. But the story doesn't end with His death. Because He's also the man who was resurrected. He's the man who lived and who still lives today, calling us to come to Him. To give us peace and hope in our soul. That man's name is Jesus, and He's the Son of God. And because of my relationship with Him…" At that point, Harry paused and took a deep breath. "…I am officially announcing my retirement from professional Quidditch – effective immediately."
Instantly, there was pandemonium throughout the room as dozens of journalists began shouting questions in his direction, and Harry knew his life would never be the same.
oOo
Harry stepped into the small office and saw that he was all alone. But that wasn't unusual. He'd never seen anyone in the office, not even a receptionist. He knew well that clients left their sessions through a different door. He pressed a button on the wall and then took a seat, waiting for the door on the other side of the room to open.
He glanced at his watch and realized that he was a bit early. That was something that he was going to have to get used to – figuring out how long trips actually took. In the past, he had simply apparated to the office, but this afternoon, he'd had to walk to the nearest Underground station and ride the Tube for almost an hour before walking a couple more blocks after that to the Leaky Cauldron. He'd then had to ask Tom to open the passage to Diagon Alley for him.
His eyes fell onto the coffee table in front of him, and he noticed several issues of the Daily Prophet scattered about. The headline on the front page of one copy caught his attention. 'The Boy Who Left!' it shouted out in large, bold letters. He just shook his head, having no desire to actually read the article. He had no doubt that whoever had written it had gotten most everything wrong about what he'd said at the press conference.
Realizing that he had a few minutes to wait, he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and scanned the 'To Do' list written upon it. Under the heading, 'Short Term,' were several items: Transfer my funds; Buy a mobile phone; Have Festus teach me to drive; Get my driver's license; Buy a car; Find a home near Teddy/Newton Abbot; Bequeath 12 G.P. to Teddy. Under the heading, 'Long Term,' he only had one item listed, however: Find out God's specific calling for my life.
His attention was pulled from his list by the sound of the door opening up on the other side of the room. He looked up to see Eugenia Hartwell standing in the threshold with a warm smile on her face.
"Sorry," she said. "I had to finish up a couple of notes on my last patient."
"No worries. I'm just glad that you could see me at all on such short notice."
Constance had helped him set up the meeting the previous day. Even though Eugenia had informed her that she was booked solid, she'd agreed to see Harry at 6:00 pm, after her last session was through.
"How could I say no?" she asked with a small laugh. "After the announcement you made this week."
"So, you heard?"
"I did. Please, come in."
Once they were seated in their customary positions, she asked, "So, what exactly can I do for you?"
"Well, I didn't really come by to ask any questions or because I need any advice."
"No?"
He shook his head.
"I just wanted you to know that I finally figured it out."
"Figured out what exactly?"
"The three questions that you asked me. The three questions that you said everyone has to answer before they can have true peace in their life. I finally figured out the answers."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah. The last time I was here, you suggested that I discover the one thing in my life that I valued the most – not something shallow - and then revolve my three answers around that one thing."
"I remember."
"Well, God has very recently opened my eyes to see the truth about myself. Ever since leaving Hogwarts, I'd tried finding purpose in, first, being an Auror, then as a member of the Wizengamot, and finally as a professional Quidditch player. But He showed me all of that – the struggle with finding a satisfying career - was really a surface-level issue. The bigger problem was deep down, at my core, where - though I wasn't even aware of it - I had revolved my entire life around magic. My identity, my self-worth, my sense of security was all wrapped up in being a wizard. Without even realizing it, I had turned magic into an idol. In essence, it had become my functional god – the thing that I worshipped most in my life. But it couldn't fill that God-shaped hole that was in my soul.
"But I've finally now got answers to those three questions that fill me with hope and joy and peace and confidence. They're answers that I know will never change, regardless of my circumstances. No matter what life may throw at me - whether I'm young or old, healthy or sick, single or married, rich or poor, or whether I'm a famous wizard or a nobody living like a Muggle – these answers are set in stone…because they're based on the promises of God.
"Who am I – my identity? I am a loved and adopted child of God through faith in Christ.
"Why am I here – my purpose? To glorify God - in everything I think, say, and do – and to enjoy Him forever.
"And where am I going – my destiny? To be with Him – in perfect intimacy – for eternity.
"And do you know what the really incredible thing about all this is?"
She shook her head.
"Even death won't change those answers. In fact, for the Christian, death is actually a blessing. Because that means we get more of Christ. To finally be in His presence without our sin interfering with our relationship. And what a glorious day that will be."
At that point, Harry stood up from his chair.
"So, that's really all I came here to tell you – that I've finally got my three answers. That and to say thank you. For all your help."
Eugenia stood, and the two of them shook hands.
"I'm happy for you, Harry. I truly am. And I guess I should wish you luck in life since I doubt that we'll ever see one another again."
"Well, I wouldn't say that. We'll probably run into each other somewhere along the line."
Eugenia let out a short laugh.
"Not likely. I don't make it back to the Muggle world very often and since you're leaving the Wizarding world…"
Harry furrowed his brow.
"What are you talking about? I'm not leaving the Wizarding world."
"You're not? Because the papers said you were."
Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head. He'd known that they'd foul things up.
"Well, as usual, the papers got it wrong then. I'm not leaving the Wizarding world. I've simply given up practicing magic. That's all. In fact, I plan to stay in this world."
"You do? Even without your magic?"
He nodded.
"Yes. Jesus commands His followers to go out into all the nations and share the Gospel with the unbelieving world. To tell them about the salvation and freedom that comes through Him. And, to be honest, I can't think of a nation that needs to hear that good news more than the magical world does. Because I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one in this world that actually believes in Him. So, if I don't tell magical people about Christ, then who will?"
"Harry," she said with a pitying look, "I know that you decided to do it, but do you honestly believe that you can convince other witches and wizards to give up their magic?"
He looked into Eugenia's eyes and gave her a warm smile.
"No. I know I can't convince them of that. But the love of Christ can," he answered with a nod. "The love of Christ can."
oOo
The End
oOo
Author's Note (July 2021):
I read the HP books many years ago, prior to Jesus coming into my life. Therefore, at the time, I didn't realize that the epitaphs on the Potter and Dumbledore tombstones were actual verses from the Bible. Nor did I recognize the other obvious Christian themes and symbolism found throughout the story. A few months back, a friend from work asked me if I'd ever read the books, and due to our subsequent conversation, I did some internet research. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that JK Rowling had included actual Scripture into her story. That discovery made me ask the question, "Within that universe, how in the world would Biblical verses wind up on the headstones of two separate magical families – specifically, families that, as far as we know, had absolutely zero connection to the Bible, Jesus, or Christianity?" That question led me to eventually write this tale.
I obviously wrote this fanfic with the ultimate purpose of exalting Jesus - the Son of God and my Lord and Savior. I can never praise Him enough or thank Him enough for His amazing, sacrificial love – for cleansing me of my sins and redeeming me out of the helpless, hopeless, and lost life that I was in. My prayer is that – if you do not already – you will come to know and cherish Him and His beautiful, life-changing love as well.
Additionally, I wrote this story in memory of my great-grandfather, Festus Gold. He died when I was very young so I only have a few memories of him. But I do remember that he was the kindest person I've ever known. I've also been told that he was a follower of Jesus. Thus, I look forward to one day hugging him and talking with him again in Heaven.
Finally, I recognize that this story may have ended a bit abruptly for some of you. And I did debate whether or not to write an epilogue, showing Harry's life a few years down the line. But I decided against it because, ultimately, this story was not about what Harry would do in the Wizarding world. It was about what Christ had done - and was doing - in Harry's heart, and I think that I showed that sufficiently. So, I'll leave what happens next to your imagination.
May your lives be filled with God's grace and peace.