Happy Wednesday! This chapter might feel like I rushed towards the end. Please know I wasn't trying to rush. It just came out that way while writing it.
Enjoy!
"Zoe," he said, startled to see her waiting in his kitchen. He hadn't expected to see her waiting for him, he should have, but a part of him while tending to Alex, forgot that she would be stopping over. How? He's not quite sure.
"Hi," she said, feeling nervous. "You were singing to Alex when I came in," she informed him, his voice had carried downstairs to her. "I didn't want to disturb you." Under any other circumstance he might find Zoe's nervousness to be cute or endearing almost, but knowing just how emotionally draining the rest of his night is going to be, he couldn't find it in himself to think of Zoe in any other way than the friend they've slowly been becoming, emotions where she's concerned gone for the next few hours.
Wade nodded, moving to the stove. "I wasn't sure if you wanted coffee this late or maybe tea," he said, deciding to use the microwave to heat the water. It would take less time, which meant they wouldn't be standing in his kitchen in this awkward silence longer than need be.
"Tea is fine," she nodded. The urge to walk around his house there, but she didn't want to invade his life any more than he was willing to share with her. As awkward as it is to stand in the kitchen to wait on Wade to finish with the tea and to be ready to share what it is he is ready to share with her. She's got a feeling on what that is and if he is ready to share that with her then she's ready to listen without giving him her thoughts and ways to help him move past it all because frankly, that's not why he's sharing this information with her.
"I figured we could sit outside, if you don't mind, that is," he said, pouring the boiling water into the cup for her. With it being nice night out, he thought it best to sit out there, to enjoy while he tells her what exactly went wrong.
"I am totally fine with that," she told him nodding. "Less risk of waking that boy of yours up," she shrugged. Why waste a perfect night in the house when they could enjoy the remaining part of the day outside, giving them a bit more room to breathe.
"Knowing Alex, if he wakes up a second time, it will be hard to get him to go back to sleep, especially when he sees you," Wade sighed. "Not that he shouldn't be happy to see you, it's just…" he trailed off, not knowing how to fix what he just screwed up with insinuating that Zoe wasn't good enough to be with Alex when that's far from the truth of things.
"I get it," Zoe stated, following behind Wade to his backyard. "He needs his sleep and the second he knows I'm here, sleeping or otherwise, he'll be down here saying he's not tired and come morning and I'm sure a good chunk of tomorrow, you'll have a very crabby child on your hands," she stated.
Alex may be the first kid she's spent any real amount of time with, but it's not hard to fill in the blanks on how a child not getting the recommended hours of sleep affects them. And she doesn't want to be the reason that Alex is a bigger handful for his dad come morning than he already is. She's not offended over what Wade said, she knows that he wasn't trying to say he doesn't want Alex to have anything to do with her, even if it did sound like that. Zoe likes to think that she knows Wade a little better than that.
"There's nothing worse than a child that is tired but refuses to sleep so they're always on edge," he sighs, taking a seat on the porch, the mugs of tea placed between them on the small dark oak table.
"For that, I will take your word," she says, taking the only open seat left, besides the child-sized chair, and she's not about to sit in the chair made for Alex.
There have been so many times that he has wanted to blurt everything out. To have it out in the open when it comes to Zoe. And as he sits here, he can't get the words out of his mouth. Those ever-present words won't form on his tongue. Sitting here, he wishes that he hadn't turned to alcohol to solve his problems, because he could use a little of that courage you find at the bottom of a bottle or three.
"Alex looks like her," Zoe commented. She tried not to snoop on the way through his house, but she saw a few pictures along the walls.
"Spitting image, for the most part," Wade chuckles. "Honestly, it made me a bit jealous," he says, shaking his head. "When I was told Alex was a boy, I couldn't wait for him to be here in the world. I tried to picture how he would look, I thought for sure he would have been a mini-me. How wrong I was," he sighs.
"I can see you in him," she tells Wade. "He has the smile that you have, the smirk, that sad far off look, he more than likely has over not getting junk food," she laughs. "But it's you I see in him when it comes to how he shows emotions. His mannerisms are all you as well. He gets an awful lot from you, Wade," she said, wanting to make him feel better when it comes to Alex.
"Thanks for that," he smiles, taking his mug of tea to gently blow on it. Letting the frogs and the crickets fill the noise around them. "I crashed into her when I was learning to ride without training wheels," he says, the memory playing in his mind. "I was all excited that I was riding like a big boy," he chuckles. "I started to panic because I couldn't stop, and turned the handlebars and crashed into where she was playing in her yard, drawing with sidewalk chalk," he smiles at the memory. "I always counted that as our first date, I made my dad take us for ice cream because I felt so bad about it all. So there we were at 6 going on our first little date," he laughs, shaking his head.
He found that it's easier to talk about his memories of when he first met Olive. Those memories of her, those didn't hurt to think about. And he feels like Zoe needs to know more about his late wife. To learn about how close they had been growing up, how he's known her his whole life, despite how small Bluebell is and everyone knowing everyone. He needs Zoe to know just how interwoven his life has always been with Olive's. It's easier to start with the little memories of when they first met moving onwards in their lives before getting the painful one of losing the love of his life.
"You can't tell me that you have been with her since you were 6," Zoe stated a shy smile on her face. She wouldn't put anything past him if they had been together since they were 6. Talk about true love and all that. It is cute, though.
"No," Wade said, shaking his head. "We didn't officially get together until we were 16, officially," he told her. They shared their first kiss at the age of 13, having talked before they head to the Jammer on how they wanted it to be special, but not have it be awkward. With her words swimming through his mind, he went for it and a right job he did, embarrassing them both. "Right idiots we had been until that point, but it was always us and I loved her before I understood the true meaning of what love really is, heck some days I still don't understand love," he mused.
"Does anyone?" Zoe asked. "It's all sorts of complicated," she sighed.
"It can be," Wade nodded. "It was a fight over socks," he said, digging into the deep hurt over losing his wife. "But it was so much more than a pair of dirty socks laying on the floor. It was a bunch of little things mixed in before it became this big deal," he sighed.
Zoe chose to remain silent. She can see the emotions playing across his face under the backyard light. Now that he was opening up about things that have been weighing heavy on his chest, she didn't want to interrupt and have him close himself off again. Of everything that he's saying, she doesn't know how often he has said them, let himself relive the moments he created with his late wife. Watching him smile at the small memories, well it's nice to see him with a smile on his face that isn't put there because of his son. To see him happy, instead of the permanent scowl or that little smirk he wears to protect his healing heart.
"My life crumbled around me when I lost her. I tried so hard to keep myself whole for Alex, and it got harder every single day and I just bolted making sure he'd be okay. Drowning my sorrows in a bottle made the most sense, it's what my dad did and I figured it'd work until it didn't," he sighed, running a hand down his face.
"I am sorry you lost your wife and I know you don't want to hear that, that you want to put the pain of losing her behind you," she told him, not giving him the chance to interrupt what she said.
"You're right on both accounts," he stated with a hum. "I hate feeling the pain of losing her when I need to be on for Alex," he sighed. It was hard enough when he had to explain to Alex that his mom wouldn't be coming home, that instead, she was an angel in heaven. Alex being so young he didn't understand why his mom can't come home and it makes losing her even harder. He wants Alex to be happy, so he knows that he has to have a smile on his face and not be sad or depressed on the outside because that's how Alex would be. He won't be the one to take his son's childhood glow away because he couldn't put on a brave face to face each and every day.
"I can offer you a place to be off and still let Alex be happy," she offered him. There's not much else she can say to him. She's not here to counsel Wade. She's here to be a friend and to listen to him talk, to explain what happened in his past that had them meeting miles away from where they both call home these days.
Wade nodded, giving her a small smile. Having told Zoe about his wife and what transpired between them, it felt good to get everything off his chest. As much as he had been dreading it after offering for her to come over, he's glad that he went through with it. Maybe it was one more step on his way to healing from what happened, and a way to stop blaming himself for what happened, just because he was the one that started the fight by not picking his dirty socks up.
"I appreciate you telling me what happened," she told him, taking a sip of her now cold tea. She's happy that she didn't let anyone else tell her and that she was able to find out what happened when he was ready to tell her. "And together," she said, taking his hand, to hold between both of hers. "You'll be able to move and enjoy those memories you cherish so much, instead of them causing you more pain," she told him.
There's a little boy upstairs sleeping that would love to hear all about his mom when he gets older. And to hear the happiness and love in those stories, Wade needs to be able to tell them without sadness leaking through. He will always love his late wife and she wouldn't want that any other way. All she wants is for him to be happy and for him to see the things in Bluebell that remind him of her to bring a smile to his face and not one of disdain with tears in his eyes.
"Thank you," he smiled. For once the ache inside of him didn't hurt as much as it used to when he explained anything when it came to his late wife. Telling Zoe that ache turned into a dull pain, one where he could breathe a bit easier. Things might be okay after all the loss he's been dealt over his life so far.
And at a later date in time, a few months after Wade had explained things to her on what led him to New York on his final drunken hoorah. She had done the same and explained things on why she left the only home she knew in New York. Why having a fresh start far away from her mom was the best thing she's ever done. Zoe doesn't know if she'll ever have the relationship with her mom that she does with her dad. She's okay with that because things have never been good with her mom, and after spending time in Bluebell she did decide to work on her relationship with her mom and she's trying and it's hard, but she doesn't want to regret anything when it comes to her mom. It's better to try now instead of waiting for it to be too late looking back on what she could have done, differently. Much like she had listened to Wade, he had done the same, offering some wine instead of tea this go around. She tried to decline the offer as she didn't want to drink while he wasn't, but he smirked, and gave a small laugh which warmed her heart a little.
Wade stated in a low timber that he owns a bar for living and that he can handle Zoe having a glass of wine or two while he drinks his cola. The urge to drink won't ever go away, he's just better at chasing that urge away. One of the perks about therapy, because talking to Zoe all those months ago showed him how nice it was to open up to someone. And he found the perfect therapist to see in Fairhope. He realized quickly that he can't be a patient for Zoe with the way he feels about her, he wouldn't put her in a place like that, and the drive helps him clear his mind to and from his sessions.