Blissful Oblivion
"Are you sure you're ready to get back out there?" Isaac shifted his weight from one hip to the other and leaned forward, gripping the back of one of the chairs sitting at the dining table. "We can take as much time as you need."
"We really can't." Yeah, she still felt like shit, but she couldn't stand sitting around doing nothing any longer. Not when she knew there were more Cerberus fucks out there and more people being tortured at their hands.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He furrowed his brow and adjusted his grip on the chair.
"There are people out there who need our help." She wrapped her hands around the steaming mug of cinuela Thane sat on the table in front of her and smiled up at him.
"Shepard." Voice grave, Isaac demanded her full attention with the use of her surname. He pulled out the chair and sat down when she looked at him again. Threading his fingers together, he rested his hands on the table. "Look, I get it. I do. Knowing that there are people out there going through the shit we've seen … but if we go back out there before you and Raúl are actually ready, the two of you will be a liability. If we're out there, and you take on too much, we could lose people we're trying to save. We could lose one of our own."
She knew it was the truth, but she didn't want to hear it from him anymore than she'd wanted to hear it from Thane. "We'll have Nemos and Razik with us. We stay together, move as a team. Raúl and I can walk drag."
"Raúl still looks as bad as you do," he said, and she huffed. He shrugged, unfazed. "Have you even asked him if he thinks he's ready to get back to work?"
She didn't answer. They both knew she hadn't spoken to Raúl because they both knew Raúl would agree with whatever Isaac thought on the matter.
Sitting down next to her, Thane reached for her hand, and she gave it to him. He rubbed his thumb back and forth against her skin a few times before speaking, "Siha … if you will not listen to reason, then please, rest awhile longer for my sake. My mind nearly shattered on Benning, unable to locate you, not knowing what might've happened … and then to find you as you were …. Please. I'm not yet prepared—I won't be able to perform at my best until I know you are healed."
Her heart sank. All of her bravado and bluster abandoned her, leaving her weary. She sighed and squeezed his hand. "Okay." Her gaze flicked to Isaac and then back to her husband. "Okay. We can wait a little longer."
Thane lay awake, listening to Jasmine whimper in her sleep yet again. She'd insisted her nightmares were only a side effect of the halgraven, but he suspected the trauma she'd endured on Benning continued to cause psychological pain. She talked about it with him some nights, curled in against his side, head resting on his chest. She'd described the sound of her assailant's voice, the odor of his sweat and breath. A few times, she only spoke about how close she'd felt to succumbing, telling the brute whatever he wished to know. Listening to her, it was clear she felt guilt at even considering giving in to her torturer. He wished he could've taken her place.
She rolled over in her sleep, and he caught her wrist as she flailed, stopping her before she managed to hit him in the face. Stirring, her eyes opened with the contact, but she didn't truly awaken. He hushed her, offering wordless reassurances, as he turned to his side and gently pulled her in against him. He pressed a kiss to her temple, and her eyes fluttered closed again.
He'd meant it when he told her that he didn't think he'd be able to focus on the mission, yet. Truthfully, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to focus on anything ever again without worrying about her safety, but that was his own trauma; his own past haunting him. Jasmine wasn't Irikah, and he, no longer the man who abandoned his wife and son. Still … they were being offered more time to heal, and he felt so grateful she'd agreed.
Closing his eyes, he focused on breathing in the scent of her shampoo, allowing the familiarity of her to ease him toward sleep.
Jasmine studied her reflection, taking in the fading bruises. She prodded her cheekbone, and though still tender, it hardly hurt enough to keep her from doing what needed to be done. Her ribs still ached, but Mordin's help on Benning and Leendar's care aboard the Iliad sped up the healing process significantly—nothing at all like the last time she cracked her ribs.
She hadn't left the apartment since they returned to the Citadel, which also meant she hadn't seen Raúl. Isaac seemed to think Raúl still needed more time, too. At first she'd thought he was just using Raúl as a way to sway her, but maybe she was being paranoid. Maybe she should go see him for herself.
She glanced down at her makeup bag sitting on the bathroom counter and quickly dismissed the thought. "Thane?" she called out and then picked up her hair brush.
"Yes, siha?" He appeared in the mirror a moment later, standing behind her, and he rested his hands on her hips. "Ah. Would you like for me to brush your hair?"
Leaning back against his broad chest, she met his gaze in the mirror. "Yeah. I want to go see Raúl." She handed him the brush. "Can you do a ponytail, too?"
"Of course." He dipped his head and kissed her temple before straightening once more. Gathering her hair up in one hand, he gently worked the bristles through her hair, staring at the bottom and slowly working his way up.
"Thank you," she said, watching his reflection. "And thank you for not pointing out the fact that I'm still having you brush my hair despite thinking I'm ready to get back to work."
He chuckled softly. "I enjoy doing these things for you. I will brush your hair every day for the rest of my life, and feel honored to do so, if it is your wish." Running the brush through once more, he picked up one of her ponytail holders. "I also have no doubt, had Isaac agreed, you'd fight through whatever pain you still feel and refuse to give anything less than your best to our cause. It's who you are, and I love you all the more for it, siha."
She waited for him to secure her ponytail before turning to face him. Gripping his lapels, she tugged him back to her and wrapped her arms around his neck, lacing her fingers behind his head. "I love you, too." She smiled, enjoying the glimpse of emerald shining through the shadows of his eyes thanks to the vanity lights. "More and more every day. And sometimes, when I look at you, I love you so much it almost feels like too much." Her heart swelled in her chest even as she said the words. "Like the only thing keeping me from bursting at the seams is being able to touch you."
"As do I." Ever so gently, as if afraid she might break with even the smallest of touches, he cupped her cheek and brushed his thumb over her lips. "I miss feeling your touch. Touching you." A spark flashed in his eyes, and his voice took on a huskier tone. "Tasting you. I will wait, though, for as long as—I don't wish to rush—"
She silenced him with a kiss. She knew what he wanted to say, knew how he worried. She'd been conspicuously chaste with her affection ever since Benning—something entirely out of character for her and entirely unrelated with physical pain. Hell, the first time they'd made love, she'd just had her ass handed to her and then pistol whipped in the temple. And hadn't she been more than ready to drink him up like the last drop of water on a desert planet when he showed up on Ferris Fields? Injuries be damned. Of course her behavior concerned him, confused him. It wasn't like her to be so reserved for so long, and she didn't feel opposed to the idea of sex, exactly, just ….
Benning really did a number on her head. Loud noises, sudden movements, and she still flinched. Thane saw it, more than a few times, but he never said anything. Instead, he just moved a little slower, made small noises to announce his approach. And he was gentle. So damn gentle with her. Christ, she loved him, and he was so much more than she ever deserved.
What happened on Benning left her cold inside, terrified of her own shadow. Sex just wasn't really on her mind.
Hearing the desire in his voice, though … seeing the need smoldering in his eyes …. Benning didn't matter. Cerberus didn't matter. Being there with him was all that mattered, and she'd always be safe in his arms.
Parting her lips, she teased his mouth open with her tongue and pulled him in closer. He returned her kiss, slow, measured, but without hesitation and slid his hand from her cheek to the back of her head. His other hand found her hip before slipping beneath her shirt, and he splayed his fingers out against the small of her back but went no further. The tension in his muscles betrayed the level of his self-restraint, however.
She untwined her fingers and slid her hands down over his shoulders before sweeping back up to caress his frills with one hand. She wanted to show him that she was okay, and if he wanted to touch her, taste her, he didn't need to hold himself back. She loved him and trusted him completely. She was still his and always would be, no matter what.
He moaned softly into her mouth and began slowly running his hand over her lower back, following her lead. Hibernating nerves awakening at his touch, she savored the feel of his tongue in her mouth. She used her other hand to work open the buckles and zipper standing in her way before pushing open his jacket and vest. He rumbled, and his kiss became more heated as she traced the lines and curves of his torso with her fingertips.
She gave him a little nudge, and he dropped his hands, taking half a step back. Meeting his gaze, she slid her hands along his chest to his shoulders and then down his arms, pushing his jacket and vest off and letting them fall to the floor. She leaned in and kissed his scales, just over his heart, before trailing her tongue and teeth over his chest and the frills of his throat. He moaned and settled his hands on her hips, rubbing his face against the side of her head. The ridges along his cheek tugged at her hair, pulling some of it loose from her ponytail, but she didn't mind.
She turned her head and captured his lower lip between her teeth, tugging softly before letting go and gliding her tongue over the same spot. He captured her mouth, stealing her breath with his kiss. She slid her hand up to rest on the side of his throat, brushing her thumb over the pliant, ribbed frills along his jaw. Using her other hand, she undid the buttons of her blouse. With the last button freed, she tugged the shirt open before pulling Thane flush against her exposed abdomen. The warmth of his scales spread through her like a jolt of electricity, lighting her insides on fire. A moan rose up in her throat, and she rubbed against the growing bulge in his pants.
Fingers spasming against her hips, his muscles rippled and fluttered beneath her touch. He groaned and swept his hand up her side and around to her back before slipping his thumb beneath her bra strap, He captured the clasp between his fingers and popped it free. Breaking the kiss, he stared down at her, searching her eyes as if her actions weren't consent enough. She gave him an encouraging smile and shrugged out of her shirt.
Returning the smile, he ducked his head to pepper her throat and shoulder with kisses while sliding off her bra. He cupped her left breast, teasing her nipple with his thumb before scraping his teeth over her skin, raising to attention the fine hairs along her body. Threading her fingers through his crest, she urged him on with an approving hum. He pinched her nipple, rolling it between his fingers, and she arched her back as an airy breath rushed from her mouth.
Dropping her hands to her waistband, she wriggled out of the rest of her clothes, kicking her jeans and panties to the side. He wasted no time running his hands along her thighs and squeezing her ass. Her knees trembled, so she braced herself with a palm on the counter, but he pulled his hands away. Gripping her hips with both hands, he lifted her as if she were weightless and carefully sat her down on the countertop. The thought of him meticulously disinfecting the surface later made her grin.
He kissed his way down her neck and over her chest, sucking her nipple into his mouth, and she moaned. Rubbing his shoulder and back with one hand, she gripped the edge of the countertop with the other and leaned back a little, offering more of herself to his tongue's explorations. He cupped her right breast, rolling the flesh in his hand and pinching her nipple while his tongue toyed with the other, drenching her completely.
Abandoning her breasts far too quickly, he trailed his fingers down her ribs and waist before settling his palms on her thighs. He kissed her, tongue moving slowly over hers, enticing and teasing as he eased her legs further apart. She stopped breathing, just for a moment, when he slid his fused fingers through her wetness, pressing gently against her clit. He rubbed a few, small, excruciatingly slow circles over the nerve bundle before slipping further down to tease her opening. She rolled her hips, giving him better access, and he eased his fingers inside.
Clenching around his fingers, muscles fluttering, her body begged for more. She grabbed his arm, kneading his bicep. He rocked his fingers in and out of her, palm pushing against her clit with each movement, creating little shocks of pleasure. She clung to him, desperation and passion making her kiss more demanding, as he led her out onto the precipice. Just as the drop-off came into sight, and she began to anticipate falling over the edge and into sweet, blissful oblivion, his hand left her completely. She whimpered, and his lips left hers, too.
Dropping to his knees, he pulled her closer on the countertop and buried his face between her legs. His tongue lapped at her, making her gasp and shudder, the heat of his mouth leaving her completely at his mercy. As she leaned back on her palms, her head bumped against the mirror. Jaw dropping open when he slipped his fingers back inside of her, she tipped her head back, turning her gaze to the ceiling before closing her eyes and sucking in staggered breaths.
She writhed, muscles low in her abdomen tightening, heat pooling. "Oh, God." She moaned and rocked her hips with his movements. "Feels so good."
He purred against her, reaching deeper inside and curling his fingers as he flicked his tongue back and forth over her clit. She stood on the edge of the precipice, peering into the vastness just beyond, and it looked so beautiful. So freeing.
She wanted it.
Needed it.
Every muscle in her body urged her forward, and with a pleasure-filled scream, she threw herself over the edge.
Jasmine pushed the buzzer next to Raúl's door and then shoved her hand into her jacket pocket. Thane rubbed the small of her back, the gesture seemingly absent-minded, as if providing her constant comfort long since became second nature. She leaned into his side. He was her rock. Her anchor in an insane galaxy. Her husband. As right as the sentiment felt, she didn't think she'd ever truly get used to the idea of being married.
The door slid open, revealing Raúl leaning against the frame. He waved his hand, beckoning them inside before turning and moving slowly toward an overstuffed chair. "Hey. What's up? Need something?" He eased himself down into the seat as they stepped inside before lifting his gaze to watch them expectantly.
"No," she said, following him over and sitting down on the couch across from him. "I just wanted to come check on you. See how you're doing." She took a good, long look at the bruises still standing out against his dark complexion and the hints of red and yellow still clouding the whites of his eyes. She resisted the urge to frown—just barely. "How're you feeling?"
He let out a derisive scoff and smirked before shaking his head. "I've been better, but you don't need to worry about me. Isaac's done enough fretting to last me several lifetimes."
She smiled and nodded. "He has a mother hen complex, for sure. Imagine what it was like being shot and having to live with him on Ferris Fields while recovering."
"Imagine what it was like for him living with you." Raúl chuckled, though it sounded dry, the humor forced. "God, you were so whiny."
Snorting, she flipped him off. "Do you have enough halgraven?"
"Yeah." He looked down at his lap and sat in silence for a moment. "Doesn't help with the nightmares, though." He tipped his head back, sniffling and wiping wetness from his eyes. "I didn't think we were …" His voice cracked as he spoke. "… I didn't think we were going to make it out of there. I thought …."
Watching him struggle to put words to his fear somehow forced her to finally acknowledge the real shadows stalking her every move. She realized it wasn't what happened to her and Raúl that'd left her feeling so broken, but knowing the seriously fucked up shit Cerberus might've done to them if she'd failed in freeing them. Not the torture they'd endured, but the true hell they avoided had shaken her to her core.
She licked her lips. "You thought they were going to do to us what they did to the people we're trying to save," she said, voice soft and close to breaking as tears welled up in her eyes.
He looked at her, intently studying her gaze as if afraid to believe she really understood; afraid to believe he wasn't in the trenches alone. "Exactly."
She nodded and blinked, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. "Yeah. Me, too."
Speaking with Raúl seemed to have soothed something inside of his wife—or perhaps she slept more soundly because they'd made love again before she fell asleep. Either way, he felt great relief knowing Cerberus no longer haunted her dreams. Just about to drift off to sleep himself, his mind wandered to his own nightmares; black tendrils reaching out for him, the empty void of Corlina's eyes, and the terrible voice inside of his head.
Black serpents of smoke rise from the pit, writhing through the air toward me. They move as if they're alive. As if they're sentient. My thoughts come to a standstill. What is this evil? No. God save me. I must run. I can't allow the darkness to reach me. I step back, my heel scrapes across the stone. Something slams into me, biotic flames surrounding me, lifting me. The world turns in my vision, and I crash into the ruins. Stone crumbles around me, and I begin to fall. I struggle to draw breath, groan. Instinct and training take over, and I roll as I hit the ground. I scramble behind the unstable wall.
Animalistic terror sinks its claws into my battle sleep, shredding my calm and threatening to do the same to my sanity. I press my back to the warm, ancient stone. Try to pull my battle sleep back around me. I have a job to do. Corlina is my responsibility. Cautious, I look over the edge of the wall.
Biotics surround Corlina once again. She's returned to her work of uprooting the buried abomination. Face complacent. As if I'm not even there. The wisps of shadows continue to snake their way toward me, but I stand. Steady and unwavering, battle sleep secure once again. I take aim. The target is mine. I squeeze the trigger and the shot finds its mark.
Corlina staggers, falling to the ground, but she doesn't stop digging. The light in her eyes fades, yet biotics still surround her. Still lift dirt and rock from the pit. I don't understand. Should I shoot her again?
The corruption finds me. Vaporous, yet thick and strong, vines of death wrap around me. Grab my wrists and ankles, twist and twine around my chest and waist. Around my throat. It feels like poison. Like death. I struggle, try to rip the tendrils away from my body, but my fingers find no purchase. They have no substance yet they pull me, move me. My feet take steps, carry me closer to the light-devouring metal protruding from the ground. I have no control.
My battle sleep fails me. The whispers solidify, a voice rings clear in my head, "The Harvest has begun. Submit. Your resistance will only bring you further pain."
Images fill my mind. Enormous, dark, metal creatures creating devastating amounts of death and destruction. Fires consume destroyed buildings, bodies of unknown species lay dead in the streets. Monsters roam, ripping unfamiliar aliens apart as they desperately fight for their lives.
"The time has come. This cycle is complete."
"No," I say, pushing back against the voices and the terrible things they show me.
Corlina's words from months past taunt me, "I … I don't know how to describe them," she'd said, "They were enormous, and frightening … and beautiful."
"No!" My lips move, throat vibrates. Lungs protest with the force of air I suck in and shove out. The sound of my voice never reaches my ears.
His omni-tool vibrated against his wrist, pulling him out of the memory. His heart raced inside of his chest, and he realized he clung tightly to Jasmine. Her sleep remained undisturbed, however. Loosening his grip, he took a slow, steady breath and rolled over to sit up on the edge of the bed as his omni-tool vibrated once more.
Opening the screen, he rubbed his hand over his face, sliding on a mask of calm. He answered the call with a smile. "Hello, my son. Give me a moment to go into another room, Jasmine is sleeping."