A/N: Thanks to rmpcmfan for the review! I love to hear from you guys, so keep the reviews coming.
Chapter 33: Rite of Passage
Emily pushed through the door of the bar and shook the rain from her coat. She glanced around the room and found him over by the jukebox, and as she made her way closer to him, she called out his name.
"McAllister."
Sean turned and smiled, tipping his head to the jukebox, "You'd think in a place like this I'd find some Bon Jovi," he joked, reaching down to pull Emily into a hug.
Emily smiled against his shoulder and chuckled as she stepped back, looking at the selection of songs, "There's some Van Morrison in there… if I'm recalling your mixtapes correctly, that should satisfy your needs."
Sean pursed his lips and nodded, pressing the buttons and waiting for the song to start, "That'll do, I suppose." He stood back from the jukebox and gestured to the collection of pool tables, and Emily nodded, following him to the table closest to the wall. As Emily started to set up the table, Sean headed to the bar to grab a couple of drinks, returning a few minutes later with a glass of whiskey for each of them. He handed Emily her drink and they tapped glasses.
"Heads or tails?" Emily asked, taking a coin out of her pocket and holding it up.
"Tails," Sean replied, watching Emily flick the coin into the air. She held it up, head-side, and Sean handed her a cue to break.
"So what brings you to town?" Emily asked, taking her first shot and sinking two stripes and a solid, "Not that I'm not glad to see you." She snapped her fingers as she missed her next shot, and she turned back to the table to pick up her drink.
Sean shrugged, taking aim and sinking another solid, "I'm in town for work for the next month or two, so I thought I'd take a chance… glad you're not on a case."
"Did Fi and Maisie come with you?" Emily asked, taking a sip of her whiskey while she watched Sean fail to sink another ball, trapping the white ball between two solids, "Shit, I forgot how good you are at pool."
Sean chuckled and shook his head, "Lucky shot," he replied, "And no, Fi's mum hasn't been well, so she and Maisie went back to Glasgow while I'm in DC," he explained, "They'll meet me back in Brussels when I'm done here."
"What are you doing here?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow as she lined up her shot. She barely tapped a stripe, but at least she didn't sink the white, "Or am I not allowed to know?"
Sean shook his head and chuckled, "You can know… Clyde and I have been working on a surveillance agreement for all the member countries, and I've been sent to negotiate terms with your government."
"What kind of surveillance agreement?" Emily asked, leaning her hip against the table.
"The kind that will help identify potential targets, before something happens," Sean replied vaguely, resulting in an eye roll from Emily, "Come on… if you came back to Interpol, I could tell you more."
Emily chuckled and shook her head, "Sorry… but no… Clyde should've told you, since he harasses me about the same thing at least once a month," she replied, "I'm pretty happy here in DC."
"Clyde did tell me that he had asked you to come back, but we both know that you've never really been able to say no to me, like you do to him," Sean replied, "We could get the old team back together, if you said yes."
"I thought Tsia and Jeremy got out," Emily replied, "Last I heard they had settled down somewhere in France."
Sean nodded, "They have," he replied, "They're very happy in Paris, but Tsia will follow you anywhere."
Emily shook her head, "You're shameless," she replied, tapping the white ball and sinking her last stripe. With all the focus she could muster, Emily tapped the white ball with just the right speed, sinking the black and looking up at Sean, "Sorry to break it to you, but your efforts will be just as futile as Clyde's."
She walked up to stand in front of Sean and sipped the last of her whiskey, placing the empty glass down on the table and patting his arm. Offering him a small smile, Emily tipped her head in the direction of the bar, "Now next round's on me, but you have to set the table."
Sean huffed and nodded, watching Emily as she made her way up to the bar. He knew she was settled, but he still wasn't convinced that he couldn't find a way to get her back to Interpol. The team needed her there. She had a way of negotiating that worked when Sean and Clyde's didn't. He raised an eyebrow, figuring he would never stop trying to get Emily back in London.
While she waited for the bartender to pour the drinks, Emily glanced back to the table and watched Sean while he racked up the balls. She bit her lip and wondered if she could go back to Interpol. She hadn't left because the work was too difficult, or because she didn't like the team. She had left because Zac was getting older and she wanted to live in the same country as him, even for a little while, before he graduated from high school and left for college. She had felt so absent from his life for so long, and she just wanted to show him that he was a priority.
Emily collected the drinks and started to walk back to the table, telling herself that she was firm on her answer to Sean, but also wondering how much it would actually take for him to persuade her. He had been right… she did find it harder to say no to him than Clyde… and part of her wanted him to try.
Emily couldn't believe Morgan. She'd said she had him, and the asshole had still shot an MP5 inside the car.
She shook her head and kept walking to the back of the SUV, stepping into the shade it was casting and trying to shake the ringing from her head. As she held her hands against the back of the car, she closed her eyes and willed her ears to stop ringing.
"You ok?" Hotch asked, placing a tender hand on the middle of Emily's back.
She stayed silent and looked up at him with a deep furrow in her brow. Hotch figured he could safely assume that there was a migraine heading her way. He kept his hand on her back and looked down at her, concern on his face.
"You need to get back to town and get your ears checked out," Hotch said softly, knowing from experience that volume mattered.
Emily shook her head and stood up straight, attempting a smile that came out more as a wince, "No… I'll be fine," she replied, "Once the ringing stops, it'll be fine."
Hotch studied her face: the set of her jaw, the tension in her brow, and the dazed look in her eyes. He shook his head and reached out to take Emily's small hand in his, "Prentiss," he said sternly, the use of her surname a clear warning, "Your ears just encountered a submachine gun in close quarters… you need to get checked out."
Emily rolled her eyes and stood, "I'm seriously fine, Hotch," she replied, "I don't need to see a doctor… I just need some Tylenol and I'll be good to go."
She pushed herself away from the car and, with a small tap on Hotch's Kevlar-covered chest, she walked back over to the others. Emily knew what Hotch was doing, holding her hand and calling her Prentiss, but she wasn't about to give in that easy. She would gladly go to the doctor for a check-up when they got back to DC, but for now, she was staying in the field. She huffed to herself, wondering how far Hotch would go to try and convince her, and a small part of her wanted him to try. The combination of concern and Kevlar on Hotch was pretty tempting.
Hotch turned and watched Emily walk away, knowing that he couldn't do much now to force her to go to the hospital. She wasn't technically injured, and she was insisting that she was fine. Hotch made a mental note to keep an eye on her, especially on the flight home, and the first sign of trouble, he'd make her go to the hospital. Even if he had to drag her himself.
He made his way over to the others and found Morgan on the line to the station, requesting an ME and CSU to the scene. Rossi and Prentiss were just walking into the barn, and Hotch figured he'd keep busy by checking out the car that Boyd had been driving. The sooner the evidence was gathered and sent off for processing, the sooner they could be on the jet, headed for home.
The team started down the steps of the jet… they were home. All of them were covered in dust and were very excited to bypass the Unit and head straight home for showers and an early night. They'd already debriefed as a group on the flight home, and Hotch felt like they'd done their time this week and deserved some time away from the office. If they had to get called back in for a case, so be it, but they could do the waiting and resting from the comfort of their homes.
Emily was a couple of steps from the bottom of the staircase when she felt her body start to sway and, before she could stop herself, she was falling forward, into Hotch. She clutched at the back of his suit jacket, trying to stop herself from cracking her head on the tarmac.
"Emily!" Reid called out from behind, hurrying down the stairs behind her and reaching them just as Emily hit the ground.
Hotch had felt Emily's body against his and had turned, dropping his ready bag and grabbing Emily around the waist. He slowly lowered her to the ground, and knelt beside her as the others began to surround them.
Hotch ran his fingers gently over Emily's cheek, his own heart beating fast, "Are you awake?" he asked, squeezing Emily's hands. She looked up at him with a glazed look in her eyes and nodded, trying to push herself up from the ground, but Hotch held his hands on her arms to keep her down.
"Stay where you are," he insisted, "This is exactly why I wanted you to get checked out in Texas."
Having her full faculties once more, Emily rolled her eyes, "I'm fine… just a little dizzy from the landing… I'm honestly fine."
Hotch shook his head and reached into his pocket, holding his keys out to Morgan, "Go and get my car from the garage and bring it here," Hotch instructed, "I'm taking her to the hospital right away."
As Morgan began to run in the direction of the parking garage, Emily shook her head, "Seriously Hotch!" she replied, trying to push herself up, "I'm fine!" As she started to sit up, Emily started to sway again, and didn't fight this time as Hotch lowered her back to the tarmac.
"I'd be inclined to believe you if you weren't doing a marvellous impression of James Stewart," Hotch joked, resulting in the anticipated combination of rolled eyes and smirk from Emily. They'd watched the Hitchcock classic a couple of weeks earlier, and he was glad to have a pop-culture reference on par with Emily's catalogue.
Seeing the resolve on Emily's face, Hotch squeezed her hand and said one word.
"Ohio."
Emily sighed, leaning back against the cold, black surface of the tarmac and resting her head on Hotch's duffel bag, "Fine… I'll go," she replied, knowing that it had to be pretty scary for Hotch to bring that up. He'd suffered his own aural injury in New York, and when he'd been a little too close to gunfire only weeks later, Emily had been so worried, she had forced him to get his ears checked out. He had tried to fight her then, but she had said that she was concerned about him, and wasn't that enough? If his friend was worried, and a simple trip to the hospital would help ease that worry, he'd do it, right? That argument had worked, Hotch had his ears checked, and he'd skipped the flight home.
Hotch looked up at the others and shook his head, "You guys should all go," he urged, "Morgan will be back in a minute with my car…" he paused and looked around at the team, "… I'll let you all know how she goes."
Rossi and JJ exchanged a look, and Rossi shrugged. He picked up his ready-bag from where he'd dropped it and tipped his head, "Come on you two," he said to Reid and JJ, "We'll see you guys on Monday."
JJ knelt down next to Emily and kissed her temple, "Text me if you need me to pick you up some groceries," she said. Then lowering her voice, she whispered into Emily's good ear, "And let me know if this one bosses you around too much."
Emily huffed and squeezed JJ's shoulder, "I'll see you all on Monday."
Hotch watched the others head towards the parking garage and when they disappeared from sight, he turned back to Emily, shaking his head, "What am I going to do with you, Emily?"
Emily squeezed his hand and shrugged, "I'm only half as stubborn as you," she replied. She wouldn't say it out loud, because then Hotch would be impossible to deal with, but she was actually more than happy to have her ears checked by a doctor. She'd been fine when they were still in Texas, nothing more than a headache, but the flight had caused some problems and she was now hearing the constant ringing and was fairly certain a migraine was setting up camp.
Hotch offered Emily a sad smile, knowing how painful those migraines could be, and ran his hand over her hair. He knew that playing with her hair usually had a calming effect on Emily, and while he'd normally have her lay down on a cushion in his lap, they were currently on the tarmac. He looked up when he saw the headlights of his car and waited until Morgan was out before they started to move.
Morgan came over and picked up Hotch and Emily's ready bags, throwing them in the backseat of the car, next to his. As he closed the trunk, he watched while Hotch helped Emily up from the ground and helped her over to the car.
Hotch helped Emily into the front passenger seat and Morgan climbed in the back, the unspoken plan for Hotch to drop Morgan off at his car in the garage. As they made their way through the FBI grounds, Emily lay her seat back and reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose.
Morgan leaned forward in his seat and pressed his lips close to Emily's ear, "I'm sorry, Emily," he whispered, brushing her hair back from her forehead.
Emily shook her head, "It's fine, Morgan," she whispered in reply, "We're alive." She lifted her hand to pat the side of his head gently, before dropping it back down.
Morgan huffed and sat back in his seat, looking over at Emily's hand where it rested on the middle console, and as he glanced over, he noticed Hotch's right hand, practically vibrating where it rested on his leg. From where he sat, it was clear to Morgan that Hotch would like nothing more than to stretch out a comforting hand to Emily, but he was holding back.
Hotch would not have hesitated if it had been JJ or Garcia, and as the realisation flashed across Morgan's mind, his eyes grew wide. Hotch was holding back because it was Emily… and because Morgan was there… Morgan glanced between Hotch and Emily, studying the former's face and seeing the depths of Hotch's concern for their injured team-mate, and his jaw dropped.
Hotch had feelings for Emily!
Morgan sat back in his seat, watching Hotch fight a battle against himself. He wondered how long this had been going on and he came up short. He hadn't noticed Hotch treating Emily any differently, which spoke volumes about Hotch and his need to maintain integrity within the BAU. He also hadn't noticed any changes in Emily's behaviour towards Hotch, which suggested that she either didn't have the same feelings for him, or she didn't know about Hotch's feelings for her.
If he was a betting man, Morgan would go with the latter. He had long had his suspicions that Emily was crushing hard on Hotch, but nothing Morgan had seen suggested she'd acted on it. She had been working hard to support Hotch since he'd lost Haley, but he didn't think that support involved anything more than casseroles and sympathy cards.
Hotch pulled the car to a stop behind Morgan's truck, glancing into the rear-view mirror, "Thanks Morgan… we'll see you Monday."
"Good luck guys," Morgan replied, reaching out to pat Emily's shoulder. He climbed out of the car and closed the door, watching as Hotch's sedan pulled away and disappeared down the ramp. As he considered his recent discovery, Morgan shook his head, coming to the decision that whatever happened between Emily and Hotch was their business. He'd spent too much time wondering, and now it was the weekend.
Emily scribbled down her social security number into the corresponding box and sighed, leaning back in the plastic seat of the emergency room. Glancing at her watch, Emily rolled her eyes. It was already seven, and she knew Hotch should be home now, putting Jack to bed. She could definitely deal with the doctors on her own, and didn't need him sacrificing precious time with his son to keep her company.
"I'm here for the duration, Prentiss," Hotch said dryly, keeping his eyes glued to the news update playing on the TV in the corner, "So you can forget about telling me to leave you here."
He looked around the bustling ER waiting room, with the injured, the sick, and the onlookers. There was shouting coming from one of the corridors, and Hotch had habitually checked his sidearm so many times he was beginning to think it'd just be easier to hold it in his hand.
Emily rolled her eyes and huffed, "We're off the clock, Aaron, so you're not the boss of me right now."
Hotch smiled softly and turned to look Emily in the eye, "Em… you're in pain. I'm not going to leave you here on your own," he replied, reaching over to put his arm around her. As he squeezed her shoulder, Hotch furrowed his brow, "How is the pain?"
Emily shrugged and leant forward, bracing her head in her hands, "It's fine," she replied softly, "The lights are just bugging me."
"You've said the word fine so many times today it's lost all meaning," Hotch said, reaching over to take the clipboard with the medical forms out of Emily's hands, "You wait here and I'll see how long it's going to be."
"Please don't nag them," Emily begged, knowing how Hotch could get when he was being over-protective of the team. The last thing she needed, on top of the migraine and the pain in her ears, was for Hotch to be evicted from the hospital by security.
Hotch just huffed as he stood, taking Emily's forms and making his way over to the nurse's station. The woman sitting behind the desk looked up and offered a tired smile, "All done with those?" she asked, watching with confusion as Hotch stared at the paper.
Hotch could feel her eyes on him, and looked up with a smile, "Yes… all done," he replied softly. He gestured over his shoulder towards Emily, "Do you think Agent Prentiss could wait somewhere a little more quiet? Her migraine is getting worse with the lights and the noise."
The nurse looked at her screen then back up at Hotch and shook her head, "We're pretty busy tonight," she explained, "But we did just have one of the beds free up, so we could put you guys in there to wait for the doctor."
Hotch nodded, "We'd appreciate that," he replied succinctly.
"Why don't you wait, and I'll see if one of our orderly's can take you through."
Hotch nodded again and headed back to join Emily, leaving the paperwork behind. He sat down next to her, curled over herself, and ran a hand over her back. He leant down, close to her ear, to whisper, "They're just looking to see if there's somewhere more quiet we can wait," he explained.
Emily nodded, but didn't make any move to sit up. Her migraine was in full-force, and her ear was starting to weep. She could only hold her hands over her ears and keep her eyes closed. She felt Hotch's hand on her back and felt some of the tension leave her body as he ran it up and down.
Hotch pushed the hair off her neck and pressed his fingers into the skin, trying to relax the muscles. The tension stayed, but as he squeezed Emily's shoulder, she stopped fighting him and let him pull her up and against him. Hotch wrapped his arm around Emily's back and she relaxed into his side, keeping her hand over her eyes to shield them from the light.
While he ran his fingertips up and down Emily's arm, Hotch considered what he had seen on her admissions form. The words were burned into his brain and he ran over everything he knew about Emily, trying to reconcile this piece of information.
Under medical history, Emily had clearly written four words that had Hotch vexed.
Full-term pregnancy. 1986.
Running his hand over Emily's head, and furrowing his brow at the raised temperature of her forehead, Hotch kissed the top of her hair. So many questions ran through his mind. So many images.
Including one of a baby with black curly hair and dimples.
Hotch reached up to knock on the door, and looked down at Jack, who had a big grin on his face. He had been so excited that morning when he'd bounced into Hotch's room, asking if they could visit Emily's house after the park and play Candy Land. And apparently, Jack's energy was contagious. As soon as he'd poured his coffee, Hotch had texted Emily to check on her plans for the day to see if she'd be keen for a couple of visitors.
He was relieved when she'd said yes.
Even if she'd said no, he would have organised for Jessica to take care of Jack so that he could drop by Emily's to check on her. He didn't like the thought of her being hurt and sick and having no one there to take care of her. But there was a secondary motivation for Hotch wanting to drop in. He still couldn't be sure of what he'd read in the ER last night, but he'd had time to think on it. And the more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that Emily couldn't have a child.
Granted, if she did give birth in 1986, that child would be twenty-four years old. But Hotch was sure she would've told him when she first started that she was a mother. As Hotch had thought back over the last few years, since Emily had joined the team, the more he was convinced that there were only two possible truths.
One: that Emily had carried a baby to full-term but had lost the baby during birth… a tragedy that made Hotch's heart hurt at the pain she would've endured. It would explain some of the pain that was evident in her behaviour, if she'd suffered through something like that at such a young age herself. The forms had said full-term, so if she had lost the baby, it would have been terrifying to go through the pain of childbirth and walk away with empty arms.
The second option, which Hotch thought was more plausible, but no less heartbreaking, was that Emily had been pregnant, and had given birth, but that she had given the baby up for adoption. Emily's insistence in her plans for Carrie, the trust that Peter had broken during their last fight, and Emily's recent sadness at Jody's failed adoption… the evidence was stacking up. Adoption was something that Emily had raised on a number of cases, and Hotch had wondered if this was why. If there was a child walking about in the world, with Emily's dimples and curly black hair, who had no idea what an exceptional mother they had.
Hotch was roused from his thoughts by the scratching on Emily's door, and a moment later, her face appeared.
"Hello boys," she said softly, swinging the door open and gesturing for them to come inside. Jack stopped at Emily's legs and held up his hands, and as she had every other time, Emily acquiesced, lifting the boy up and holding him on her hip.
As she tickled his side, Jack wriggled and giggled. He grabbed at Emily's hair and tugged gently, falling backwards and squealing. Hotch smiled at the sight and stopped in his tracks, taking in the two of them. He looked over to Emily and saw she was furrowing her brow.
Worried that Jack was being a little too boisterous, and that Jack might empty the contents of his bladder on Emily's clean shirt, Hotch walked over to them and ruffled Jack's hair, "Now buddy, remember what Daddy said about Emily's ears? We have to be gentle today."
Emily offered Hotch a gentle smile and shook her head, "I'm ok, Aaron," she said softly, reaching over with one hand to squeeze Hotch's shoulder, "Though… I should probably take my pills." She lowered Jack to the floor and stooped down to kiss his chubby cheek, releasing him from her hold.
As soon as he was loose, Jack ran over to the crate of toys that Emily now kept in an accessible place for when he visited. Since Hotch had been bringing Jack around more regularly, Emily had stocked up on more toys and books and DVD's appropriate for Jack's age, for those days when Hotch forgot to bring something to keep Jack occupied.
While Jack was busy unpacking the blocks that Emily had just added to the collection, she made her way into the kitchen, taking out her water bottle from the fridge and her medication from the cabinet. Hotch walked into the room just as she was tipping her head back, and after placing the bag of board games on the counter, he turned back to face Emily, leaning against the counter.
"How are you feeling today?" he asked, fighting a sudden urge to reach out and touch her.
Emily shrugged and raised her eyebrows, "I don't know… the meds gave me the best night sleep I've had in a long time."
"Are you sure you want company tonight?" Hotch asked, "Jack will understand if you're still not feeling well."
Emily shook her head and turned to put her water bottle back in the fridge, "No way… no migraine will deprive me of time with my favourite four-year old."
Hotch smiled and nodded, glancing back to the living room and smiling as Jack built a tower. When he looked back at Emily, he gestured with his thumb over his shoulder, "How long since you played Candy Land?"