Chapter 36: JJ
Emily walked out of the interrogation room, leaving Barrett behind, having given him the bottle of water and packet of vending machine crackers he had requested. He'd actually asked for something more substantial to eat, but they were under no obligation to go above and beyond, and it worked in their favour for him to see Pearson get special treatment.
Hopefully, he'd see it as just another case of Syd getting what he wanted, while he had to suffer.
Emily rounded the corner in the hallway, passing Morgan and Detective Mathias, and as she made her way into the observation room, the smell hit her nostrils and her mouth started to water.
Hotch looked up from the file, reaching for a sandwich and holding it out to her with a cheeky smile, "Roast beef?"
Emily chuckled and shook her head, "You are a cruel man," she said, accepting the lunch without a fight. She was starving and they were still waiting for the polygraph results. She definitely had a few minutes to eat some lunch.
As she took a bite of her sandwich, Emily leant against the table, sitting next to Hotch. She watched Rossi walk into the interrogation room and close the door behind him, settling at the table and volleying with Pearson. She rolled her eyes as he commented on Kate not being a lady.
"Please tell me I'm not done with him," she mumbled, glancing over to Hotch.
Hotch stood from his seat and turned, sitting against the table next to Emily and shaking his head, "I think you're better with Barrett," he replied, "Pearson would end up spending too much time trying to impress you, you'd never get through to him."
Emily wrinkled her brow, but nodded. It was a fair assumption. Pearson definitely had the same personality as all of the young men she'd been surrounded with in her youth. The ones who got young debutantes drunk and crashed their daddy's cars, with no consequences. He actually reminded Emily of her own escort… just the thought of that sleaze made Emily shudder.
"You ok?" Hotch asked, looking over at Emily and frowning.
Emily huffed and shook her head, "I'm fine… Pearson just reminds me of someone that I used to know."
Hotch smiled and nodded, "Yeah… I was thinking the same thing… a jerk at a cotillion I had to go to when I was younger," he replied, holding up a basket of curly fries.
Emily took a couple of fries and chuckled, "That's what I was thinking… white dresses and shots of tequila," she added, glancing over at Hotch. She wondered what he had looked like, a young Aaron Hotchner dressed in a tux, leading a debutante around the dancefloor. The thought made her smile and she could feel the blush creeping up her neck.
"What's got you turning red, Agent Prentiss?" Hotch asked with a huff, nudging her with his elbow. He could only imagine where her mind had gone, especially if it was anything like his. An image of a young Emily, dressed in white, doing a fan dance. He would've like to have seen that in person, but he would settle for a photo.
Emily snorted, taking the last of Hotch's fries, "I was just thinking... maybe we could dress up next time we're stuck in the office..." she raised her eyebrows suggestively and winked, "I wouldn't mind seeing you in a tux."
Hotch rolled his eyes at Emily's flirting, dropping the empty fry packet into the trash, "Sure Prentiss," he replied dryly, "I'll wear a tux if you wear a white dress."
Emily opened her mouth to reply but was stopped when she heard the door open, and Morgan and Mathias walked in, holding out a folder.
"You've gotta see this," Morgan said, waiting as Hotch read through the report.
Hotch handed the folder to Emily, and she tossed the sandwich down on the table, scattering the piles of papers strewn across the surface.
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Thanks Jessica," Hotch said into his phone as he approached the front door of the bar, "I know it's a lot to ask, since Jack's already been with you a few days but…"
"But your team needs to say goodbye to her," Jessica replied, noticing Hotch's voice trailing off for what it was. He was sad about saying farewell to his friend.
"Exactly," Hotch remarked, "I'll be by in the morning to pick him up."
"See you tomorrow, Aaron," Jessica replied, before she ended the call.
Hotch sighed as he shoved his cell into his pocket, and walked through the door of the bar, scanning the room for the team. He'd had to finish his report before he left the office, so he had promised Emily that he would join them at the bar as soon as he was free.
He checked his watch and winced, that had been two hours ago.
If he was honest with himself, Hotch was dreading this. While he didn't really enjoy social outings in general, and only occasionally joined the team for drinks at the local watering hole, there was a much larger issue at play. He felt like he had failed JJ… he'd failed the team… he was just a big ol' failure all-round. And Hotch wasn't used to failing.
He didn't like it at all.
Hotch spied the rest of the team at a scramble of tables, and he made his way through the bar, passing groups in varying stages of sobriety, until he reached the them. Judging by the number of empty glasses on the table, he figured it was safe to assume they were on their third round… and counting.
"Hey Hotch! Take a seat," Morgan exclaimed, kicking out a spare seat for Hotch to sit in.
As Hotch sat down, Morgan studied his friend's face and furrowed his brow at the worry lines that were deepening with every case... Morgan looked over to JJ... with every loss. He watched as Hotch looked around the table, and when his eyes stopped on JJ, Morgan took a wild guess that Hotch was blaming himself for all of this… for JJ being moved to State, and for not being able to stop it. While Morgan himself hated to say goodbye to JJ, he didn't think for a second that Hotch was to blame.
None of the team did.
Morgan looked over to JJ, chatting with Emily on the other side of the table. She was his kid-sister, and he was so sad to see her go. They had been in the unit together, right from the very beginning. He had started on the team when Gideon and Hotch had first decided to requisition their very own communications liaison, and JJ had been transferred from the Washington field office to fill the role. On their first day with the BAU, Morgan and JJ had suffered through the seemingly endless HR processes together, and they'd been going strong ever since. He couldn't imagine the BAU without her energy and compassion.
Morgan was broken from his musings when Emily spoke up.
"Another round, guys?" Emily called out, looking around the table. At the chorus of nods and yeses, Emily stood from the table and headed off to the bar.
As Emily disappeared through the crowd, Hotch looked around the table, to each of the people who had come to farewell JJ. The team were all there, as well as significant others like Will and Kevin. A family of sorts, who knew that JJ belonged with the BAU, and was not leaving because she wanted to. While other patrons of the bar were here to celebrate, this group was here to commiserate, to mourn the end of the BAU as it was.
He sighed and sat back in his seat, listening to the rest of the group chatting away, and wondering when they would be together like this again.
Probably never.
They were a family, but not in the conventional sense. They didn't often spend time, like this, together and outside of the office. Sure, Hotch shrugged, they would put their lives on the line for each other, without batting an eyelid. And they shared pieces of themselves in order to do their work together. But he had seen this situation play out a hundred times before. Someone from your team leaves, and suddenly they're out of your life. Hotch's eyes settled back on JJ and he sighed, hoping that they wouldn't let that happen this time. They would keep JJ, and Will and Henry, a part of their family forever, not matter what it took.
Hotch's eyes scanned the group and he looked up just as Emily reached the bar. A smile grew on his face without permission and he cleared his throat, looking around at the group to make sure no one had caught that uncharacteristic public display of emotion. His eyes locked with JJ's and she smiled sadly in response, holding up her glass and the last of the beer that remained.
As she sipped the final dregs of the drink, JJ looked up at the bar and searched for Emily. She placed the empty pint on the table and leant over to whisper to Will, before she pushed back from the table and stood.
Emily sidled up to the bar and placed the order, waiting as the bartender put the drinks together. While the bartender shook the cocktail shaker, Emily looked around the bar and sighed. The other patrons all looked so happy, and it felt like an affront to the grief the team was feeling. This wasn't a happy occasion. They weren't celebrating. JJ was being forced out, leaving the team and being thrown into something she had choice in. While Emily had tried to be positive, and praise JJ for working so hard and achieving so much so as to attract the attention of the brass, she was sad too.
Just as her friend came to mind, Emily felt her approaching. She smelled her perfume but didn't turn until she heard her voice.
"Are you sure you can manage all of those drinks? We could always get one of those big strong men to help us carry the load."
Emily chuckled and shook her head, wrapping her arm around her friend's shoulder, "I'm going to miss seeing your smart-ass every day."
JJ huffed and shook her head, "How are you going to manage with all that testosterone?"
Emily looked back at the table, catching Hotch's gaze, and she shrugged, "We'll just have to book in more regular ladies' nights to make up for it."
"And weekends away," JJ added, squeezing Emily's side.
"You tell me when and I'll make sure the house is ready," Emily replied, handing her credit card over to the bartender and looking at the crowded tray of drinks. As she turned back to face JJ, she noticed a worried look on her friend's face, "Aside from the obvious, what's that frown about?"
JJ bit her lip and reached out to squeeze Emily's hand, "I need you to promise me something, Emily," she said, looking up to catch Emily's eye.
"Anything, Jayje," Emily replied, furrowing her brow and nodding sincerely.
"Take care of him... Don't let him get too dark," JJ said softly, watching her friend's face for a reaction. If anyone could take care of Hotch, it was this woman. She was strong and tough and could probably knock Morgan down if she put her mind to it, but she was also tender and kind. Emily was the kind of person who could break through Hotch's tough exterior and make him talk when things got too dark in that mind of his.
Emily frowned and tipped her head, "You mean… Hotch?" she asked, glancing over JJ's shoulder and staring at the man in question. He was talking with Morgan and Rossi, but he must have sensed her looking at him, because he looked up at Emily and offered a small smile.
JJ nodded, "He's already blaming himself for all of this," she explained, "And he'll have even more work to do, on top of what he already had before…" she paused and followed Emily's gaze, "You know how to get through to him, so please…" JJ turned back to Emily, who seemed reluctant to break her gaze from Hotch. When Emily finally faced JJ, she smiled sadly, "He needs you, Em… promise me you won't give up on him."
Emily frowned and shook her head, "I promise," she said softly, reaching over to pull JJ into a hug, glancing back at Hotch while she embraced her friend.
Emily leant against Hotch while he stared at the front door of her apartment. Emily was finding it difficult to stand and he provided a lovely surface against which to rest. Strong and solid and warm. It had been a big night, but well-worth the headache Emily knew she'd be fighting in the morning. They had to give JJ an appropriate farewell, and nothing said appropriate like JJ, Garcia and Emily belting out the lyrics of "I am Woman" at the top of their lungs, while they spun around the dancefloor.
Hotch turned to face Emily and held out a hand, which Emily took and squeezed in her own. He had stared at her door long enough, expecting her to either give him the keys or unlock the door herself, but looking at her now, almost falling asleep against his shoulder, she wasn't quite up to the task.
"I wasn't really looking to hold hands with you, Prentiss," Hotch remarked dryly, "I need your keys, please."
Emily let out a giggle and reached up to cover her mouth. Mortifying was the word that came to mind and as she blushed, she dropped one hand to her pocket and pulled out her keychain, handing it over to Hotch.
"I'll be nice and ignore that very undignified giggle," Hotch warbled as he tried to focus on inserting the key into the lock. When it finally turned and he pushed the door open, Hotch smiled at the faint tint in Emily's cheeks. Maybe it was from the cold, maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the embarrassment of being caught giggling… in any case, she looked beautiful.
Hotch reached up to run a thumb over Emily's cheek, and he felt like he could just close the few inches between their faces and plant a kiss on her lips. He was grateful that the door had other plans, as it came swinging back and hit his shoulder, rousing him from his fantasies.
"Ok, Prentiss," Hotch said softly, "Time for bed."
Emily groaned and shook her head as she stumbled into the apartment, "I don't wanna go to bed yet," she whined, tossing her ready bag and purse onto the floor by the guest bath, "Can't we stay up a little bit longer?"
Hotch followed Emily into the living room and watched her wander over to the liquor cabinet, taking out a bottle of scotch and a couple of glasses, before she dropped onto the couch. Earlier, at the bar, Emily had suggested they leave their cars at Quantico and catch a taxi back to her place. She had a spare bedroom that Hotch could sleep in, and even though his apartment was even closer since Emily had moved, it was already pretty late and Hotch was in no state to be protecting himself.
Hotch dropped down onto the couch, right next to Emily, and reached out to accept the glass of scotch she was offering. He shrugged, figuring that Jack was already well and truly asleep at Jessica's, and he had already been planning to crash in Emily's spare bedroom, so one more drink wouldn't hurt. As Emily sat back against the cushion, bringing her feet up to rest on the coffee table in front of them, her head lolled onto Hotch's shoulder and he put his arm around her back.
"What's going on in there?" Emily asked, turning her head and tapping Hotch's hair with her finger.
Hotch sighed and shook his head, taking a sip of his drink. As he brought the glass back down to rest on his leg, he bit his lip, "I feel like I failed her."
Emily frowned and sat up so she could face Hotch, resting one knee on his thigh. She reached out to run her fingers through his hair and shook her head, "Hotch… Aaron," she started, waiting for him to face her, "You didn't fail anyone… this is all about Strauss. She wanted JJ to take the position with State because it makes her look good," Emily shrugged, "This was never about JJ and it was never about you... it's always about her."
Hotch's gaze shifted from Emily's lips to her eyes, and in them he found none of the loathing or judgement that he'd been expecting. Maybe Emily was right… this was all about Strauss looking good. If one of her subordinates had impressed the State Department so much that they wanted to poach her, that meant big kudos were coming Strauss' way.
"That might be true, Emily," Hotch replied, shaking his head, "But I still couldn't stop it from happening."
"And you need to know that you can protect your family," Emily said, as more of a statement than a question, "But Aaron, the team knows that you tried… JJ knows that you tried."
"Trying isn't good enough," Hotch replied, taking another sip of his drink and ignoring the stern look Emily was throwing his way.
Emily reached over to put her glass down on the coffee table, then turned back to Hotch and grabbed the sides of his face, turning his head to look directly at her. She would never be so bold without a bottle of liquid courage, and thankfully, after her evening of martinis and a couple of sips of scotch, she felt like she had enough to say what she needed to say, and do what she needed to do.
"Aaron Hotchner," Emily started, making sure Hotch was looking her in the eyes, "Our team… our family… know that you would do anything for every one of us…" she paused, "… you can be sad tonight, because JJ has been reassigned and there's nothing we can do about it, but I won't, for one second, let you believe that your efforts were worthless."
At his nod, Emily let go of Hotch's face and nodded in reply, reaching back to pick up her glass. When she turned back to face Hotch, she sighed, "Do you want to know what JJ asked me tonight?"
She paused and waited for Hotch's response. When he nodded, she continued.
"JJ asked me to make sure you don't get too dark," Emily explained, "She wasn't telling me that this was your fault, or that you let her down… she was making sure that you will be alright."
Hotch felt the churning in his stomach and the tears welling in his eyes. As the first tear fell down his cheek, Emily reached over to wipe it away with her thumb. She offered a sad smile and, for the second time since they'd arrived at her apartment, Hotch felt an overwhelming urge to close the distance and kiss her.
But he resisted that urge, instead turning to place his glass on the coffee table. He turned back to Emily and pulled her into a tight hug, trying his best to show her how grateful he was to have her in his life.
Hotch sat up quickly, immediately regretting the speed with which he had, and feeling his stomach turn. He looked to his right and found a bottle of water on the bedside table, next to two Advil. He huffed and shook his head as he reached over for the water and pills, cracking the lid on the bottle and swallowing the pills with a few sips of water.
The hangover wasn't too bad… he'd only been drinking scotch and they'd still managed to get to bed at a decent hour. He checked his watch – seven am – and figured he'd had about seven hours sleep. Not ideal, but still worlds ahead what they normally managed when they were on a case. He didn't think it was wise to go to Jessica's too early, so he figured he had a couple more hours before he had to pick Jack up.
Hotch dropped his head back on the pillow and looked around the bedroom. The décor was simple, a plain sage green bedspread with matching throw-pillows, a desk and bookshelf in one corner, armchair in the other. The walls were decorated with artworks Emily had collected in her travels: a wooden carving from Nepal, a tapestry from Kazakhstan, and a watercolour from Japan. She had told him about the origins of each of the items when he'd been helping her move in, and her stories were most definitely entertaining.
Hotch's eyes perused the books on the shelf and he huffed, everything from Khalil Gibran's poetry to a book on Euclidean geometry. He liked to think that he was pretty smart, but Emily definitely gave him a run for his money. As Hotch spied a microbiology textbook, he realised… Emily could give Reid a run for his money. Aside from the intimidating range of reading materials, the room made Hotch feel at ease and he found himself lulled back to sleep by the lavender scent on the soft sheets. He closed his eyes and wondered what Monday would be like, when he would walk into the BAU and find JJ's office empty.
After what only seemed like minutes, Hotch felt a hand run over his t-shirt-covered back, and he opened an eye to find Emily kneeling beside the bed.
"You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you," she said softly, "But you probably need to go and pick Jack up soon."
Hotch blinked a couple of times to wake himself up and he rolled on his side, taking in a side of Emily he'd never seen before. Make-up free, dressed in a bathrobe, and still beautiful. He nodded against the pillow, enjoying the warmth from Emily's hand on his shoulder, before he sat up and smiled softly. He ran his hands down his face, noting the stubble on his cheeks.
Emily stood and returned Hotch's smile, gesturing with her thumb over her shoulder, "I was about to make a pot of coffee… if you want to have a shower here, before you leave to pick up Jack."
"That's probably a good idea," Hotch replied, checking his watch and feeling much brighter than when he'd woken up earlier. It was nine o'clock, and that extra couple of hours sleep had done wonders for his headache. He stood from the bed and followed Emily out of the bedroom, stooping quickly to pick up his ready bag. He stopped when Emily reached into the hall closet to grab a set of towels.
As she handed the towels to Hotch, Emily pointed towards the guest bathroom, "Use anything you want in there," she explained, "I'll go put the coffee on."
Hotch nodded and watched Emily walk away, calling out just as she rounded the corner into the kitchen, "I was thinking," he said, waiting for Emily's face to appear in the doorway, "If you'd like to, you could come with me to pick Jack up and we can go to the zoo… he loves to see the pandas."
Emily smiled brightly and nodded, "I love the pandas too," she replied, unable to stop the smile from growing into a grin.
Hotch huffed and nodded, turning back to the bathroom and closing the door behind him. As he started the hot water, he thought to himself… he might have lost JJ from the team, but at least he still had Emily.
And today, he would have Emily AND Jack, so it was bound to be a good day.
Emily tapped her cell against her thigh, wondering if now was the time to call. Hotch was in the bathroom, giving Jack his bath, and taking into account the time to wash, dry, and dress Jack for bed, he'd be occupied for at least ten minutes. Plenty of time for Emily to make the call she'd been putting off.
They'd had a big day at the zoo, and all three of them were exhausted. She and Hotch had chased Jack through every exhibit, the excitable boy wanting to make sure he saw every possible animal. He was obsessed with the pandas, but he was also a fan of the flamingos, owls, elephants and sea lions, so there wasn't an inch of the zoo they hadn't covered.
After they got home, they had an early dinner of comfort pesto, and then Hotch had taken Jack down the hall for his bath. And Emily had been trying to work up the courage to call him ever since.
If not now, Emily didn't know when she'd get the chance. Tomorrow, she'd be busy with her parent's anniversary luncheon and then Monday, she'd be back at work. And while the task at hand wasn't something to get excited about, the outcome of it would be worth the momentary frustration of talking to her old team leader. Ever since Sean told her to call Clyde, to ask for information on Interpol-approved therapists, Emily had been putting it off... but no longer.
Decision made, Emily pinched the bridge of her nose and hit the button, lifting the cell up to her ear and listening to the phone ring.
"Clyde Easter."
"Clyde, it's Emily."
Clyde's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped, "Emily Prentiss... Sean said you'd be calling but I didn't think you'd actually do it."
Emily rolled her eyes, "Well... if Sean already gave you a heads up, then you know why I'm calling, so this should all go very smoothly... and very quickly."
Clyde huffed and nodded, "So no small talk then?" he probed, "No questions about my family or answering my questions about your family?"
"Clyde, you don't have a family," Emily retorted, "Your work is your life... and as for me, my parents are just fine."
"Not the family I was talking about," Clyde replied, "Sean told me you're... settling down."
Emily frowned and picked at a loose thread on her sweater, "I don't know what Sean told you..." she paused and shook her head. Why did this man get under her skin so much? Ever since their days with the team, she had been letting him push her buttons, but no more. She had a very simple request and in her mind, as her former supervisor, he owed her this. Emily let out a sigh and bit her lip, "Moving on... I assume Sean told you what information I was looking for?"
Clyde raised and eyebrow and nodded, opening his address book and flipping to the appropriate page, "He did. And I found a counsellor who's approved by the program, living in DC."
"Terrific," Emily beamed back, "Can you send me the details please?"
"Sure," Clyde replied, "I'll send them through tonight..." he paused and wrinkled his brow, "Any clue on why you want to do this now?"
Emily huffed and shook her head, "Not a chance," she replied, "Just send me the information and save your investigative skills for the bad guys."
Clyde chuckled, "Understood ma'am," he replied, "Look out for my email."
The click in Emily's ear clued her into the fact that Clyde had ended the call, much to her relief. She didn't have it in her to be too rude, but if he'd pushed any more, she might have reached down the line and strangled him with her bare hands.
Emily stood from the couch and shoved her cell into her pocket, heading down the hall in search of the boys. As she rounded the corner, her phone buzzed and she opened her inbox, finding an email from Clyde. The guy was a pain in her ass, but at least he was prompt. She continued down the hall and made a mental note to call the number on Monday.
Stopping in the doorway of the bathroom, Emily found the boys, Hotch helping Jack put his PJ's on. The sight made Emily's heart skip a beat. Big, tough, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, guiding a little boy's foot into his fire truck pyjama pants. It was quite the sight. She knew she had a lot of work to do on herself, but the image made Emily wonder if she could just take the leap now... tell Hotch how she felt and start them down the road.
Then she remembered why she needed to call Clyde. From her past relationships, Emily had developed a lot of scar tissue, and until she cut it all away, she would only keep failing. And she couldn't do that with Hotch. He meant to much to her to change their friendship if she wasn't sure she'd be able to trust him with her past. And more importantly, she needed to learn how to trust him with her son.
Emily smiled as Jack ran over to her, and she stooped down to pick him up. As he rested on her hip and leant his head on her shoulder, she closed her eyes and kissed the top of his head, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. She wanted a future with this boy and his Daddy, and the sooner she started to work on her past, the sooner that future could become a reality.