A/N: I appreciate your reviews guys! Keep them coming. I've written all of the chapters left for this story, and then we'll get started on the original story. So keep reading and reviewing!
Chapter 42: 25 to Life
Hotch sighed as he looked down at Jack's open suitcase, sitting on Hotch's bed. He thought about their destination and decided to throw in a few more pairs of sweatpants, some more jeans, and his thick winter coat. It wasn't the most ideal weather to be heading to a beach house, but it was time away.
Away from this apartment, away from this town… away from their memories.
And time to make some new memories, for just him and Jack.
Emily's parents had kindly said yes to Hotch and Jack visiting their home in Martha's Vineyard, and Hotch was so grateful for the chance to have some time alone with his son. They might not be able to swim in the ocean, but Emily had assured them that there was still plenty to do in Martha's Vineyard in the winter.
He had arranged for a few days, but after last night, Hotch had emailed Strauss to advise that he wouldn't be coming into the office for at least a week. And now, Hotch needed to clear the change in plans with Emily.
While he continued packing Jack's things into the small suitcase, he hit dial on his cell and put the phone on speaker. The phone rang, and Hotch tried to come up with the right wording so as not to worry Emily… any more than she already would worry at such a request coming from him.
"Prentiss."
"Hey Em," Hotch answered, feeling a small sliver of relief at just hearing her voice, "It's me."
"What's wrong? You sound weird," she remarked, hoping that this wasn't coming from her confession from a few nights ago. Granted, she was fairly certain that when she had said what she said, Hotch had been unconscious, having fallen asleep on her shoulder. But she couldn't be completely sure.
"I haven't slept much," Hotch replied, "Jack had back-to-back nightmares last night."
"Oh Aaron," Emily sighed, hitting her indicator as she turned onto the parkway, "Is there anything I can do?"
Hotch sighed and nodded, taking the cell off speaker and sitting on the edge of his bed, "Actually, there is… I was already going to your parent's place, remember, at Martha's Vineyard," he explained, "But…"
"Do you want to fly up today?" Emily asked, grateful there was something practical she could do, "I can call the maintenance guy and have him go over this morning to fix it all up for you."
Hotch huffed, "You read my mind… I took a chance and booked us tickets on a flight this morning," he explained, "Jack's sleeping now, but I should be packed in the next twenty minutes or so, and then I was going to head to the airport."
"I can swing back to the District and pick you up," Emily offered, "If you don't want to leave your car at Reagan."
Hotch shook his head, "No, thanks… you've already done so much," he said softly, running his hand down his face. They sat in silence for a while, Hotch simply comforted by the fact that Emily was on the other end of the line.
"What do you need, Aaron?" Emily asked softly, her eyes darting back and forth between the road and her cell, "Whatever you need."
"Just you being here is everything," Hotch replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
Emily nodded and bit her lip, "Can you call me when you get there? Just so I know you're ok," she asked. She didn't want to intrude on this time, but his tone worried her. She knew he was carrying so much already, but for Jack to be regressing in any way would hurt Hotch just as much as it hurt the little guy.
Hotch nodded and stood from the bed, "Of course… and Em…" he paused and dropped his chin to his chest, "Thank you… for everything."
Emily smiled sadly and let out a sigh, "I'll talk to you soon, Aaron," she replied, biting back the words she had told him while he was sleeping. She wasn't ready, and now wasn't the time for conscious declarations. He was dealing with the anniversary of his wife's death, and his son was clearly struggling. Now was the time for him to focus all of his attention on Jack and getting through this week.
Emily waited for Hotch to end the call, and when she heard the click, she reached up to wipe the tears that were starting to drop down her cheeks. As she hit the number for Frank, their maintenance guy, Emily thought of one more thing she could do to help.
Emily tapped on a desk chair and gestured to Seaver, "You can set yourself up here," she explained, "That way you'll be near all the action…" Emily paused and gestured to Reid's desk, "… And by action, I mean projectile by-products of Dr. Reid's science experiments."
Seaver chuckled and nodded, "And what about case access?" she asked, gesturing to the computer, "Back at the Academy only the case studies we need for our classes are accessible."
Emily pursed her lips and shook her head, "For your time on the team," she paused and offered a stern look, "And only when you're on BAU business, you'll have access to all of the records that your current clearance allows."
Seaver nodded and made herself comfortable in her new desk, "How will it work when I have class?" she asked, spinning back to face Emily, who had settled in at her own desk nearby.
"We'll have some warning when you have classes coming up, so we'll organise for you to stay here, and when you're free, you can join Garcia in working from here," Emily explained, "If you're free when we get a case, you'll come along with us."
"I guess that means I have to pack a ready bag," Seaver remarked, taking out her day planner and making a note, "Anything you think I need to know to include."
"Pack more underwear than you think you'll need," Reid quipped, resulting in an incredulous look from Emily and an uncomfortable one from Seaver.
"Oook," Seaver said, turning back to Emily and looking at her watch, "On that note… It's already 11, and I have to head to class."
Emily nodded, "We'll let you know if we pick something up," she replied, turning back to her desk as Seaver made her way out of the unit.
Emily looked over the files on her desk and sighed. Before she tackled the rest of her day, she needed a proper coffee. She stood from her desk and took her coat from the back of her chair, turning to Reid.
"I'm going to treat myself to a decent coffee," she explained, "Can I get you something?"
Reid tapped a finger on his chin and shook his head, "No thanks, Emily," he replied, "I had a large espresso on my way in this morning and I think it's giving me a headache."
Emily wrinkled her brow and stopped her movements, "Is everything ok?" she asked, "You're not getting sick are you?"
Reid smiled and shook his head, "No... it's just too much coffee and not enough water, I'm sure."
Emily reached into her desk drawer, taking out a box and tossing it to Reid, "If you need a pick-me-up, this should do the trick."
"Camomile… thanks," Reid replied brightly as Emily made her way through the bullpen and through the glass doors.
As she made her way downstairs and out into the quad, Emily smiled, the sun hitting her face. She was halfway through her walk when her cell buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and smiled at the caller ID.
"Hey you," Emily said softly, "How was the flight?"
"It was nice and short," Hotch replied, looking over the kitchen counter to Jack, playing at the dining table, "And it was pretty empty… the benefits of flying to Martha's Vineyard in the dead of winter."
Emily chuckled and nodded, "It is a treat to have the plane to yourself," she replied, stopping at a bench while they talked. It was chilly, but she could stand a few minutes in the cold if it meant talking to Hotch.
Hotch sighed and picked up his mug of coffee, making his way out onto the deck and enjoying the cold, sea breeze, "Thank you, Emily," he said, almost in a whisper, "You went above and beyond."
When they had arrived in Oak Bluffs, Hotch and Jack had opened the house to find it well and truly stocked. According to Frank, who had stopped by the house just minutes after they'd arrived, to bring by some fresh wood for the fireplace, Emily had called to ask him and his wife, Nancy, to do her a favour. Frank had already been to the house earlier that morning to get it ready for the boys, and he had stocked the refrigerator with fresh island produce, a basket of toys to keep Jack busy, and a collection of books and movies for that cold Vineyard weather. Frank had also brought with him some home-cooked meals that Nancy had prepared, as per Emily's request, because Nancy was the best cook in town… perhaps on the island.
Frank had shown Hotch and Jack their rooms, and explained some of the quirks that this beach house had, like not running too many showers at the same time and kicking the corner of the sliding doors before you could open them. After Frank had left, Hotch had found a note in each of their rooms, from Emily, that she must have sent to Frank when Hotch had first accepted their offer.
Something small to let him and Jack know that she was thinking of them.
But to Hotch, and to Jack who had grinned for the first time in days as Hotch had read aloud the contents of his card, it meant everything.
Emily blushed and looked down at her boots, "Well… you boys deserve it… especially Nancy's cooking."
Hotch shook his head and looked out at the water, sitting in silence for a moment and just enjoying having Emily with him… even if she was hundreds of miles away. He imagined how much better it would have been if she could be there with them, but he shook his head at the thought… the whole point was to give Jack time and attention. Although, he was struggling to think of a moment when Jack wouldn't choose to have Emily with them. Just as he considered asking her if he could buy her a ticket so she could fly out to join them, even for the weekend, he heard her voice.
"So what's on the agenda?" Emily asked, "Did you get the list of things to do?"
Hotch cleared his throat, "Uh… yeah… I think we might try a few of them," he replied, "I know Jack is excited about the Christmas light decorations, and I thought we could visit the lighthouse."
"There are some good quality raincoats in the closet in the attic," Emily explained, "They're nice and thick and lined and bright yellow, and I think there might even be one that's small enough for Jack."
"Oh, that's perfect," Hotch replied, glad to hear the emotion had left his voice, "It was drizzling a little when we got here, but it's died off now."
"Ok, well use the raincoats, and the boots… they'll keep Jack's feet nice and dry so he can jump in puddles all day if he wants to," she explained, "And if you want something to read, the den is downstairs, and it's packed with books. Don't worry if the spines snap… none of the books we keep there are expensive for that very reason. And if you need them, there are heaps of extra blankets in my closet… the room closest to the attic stairs down the wing where the family's bedrooms are."
Emily bit her lip and wondered how to get out of this call before she skipped out on work and hopped the first flight out there. She hated the thought that the boys were all alone, but she knew that they needed time together, with no distractions. Jack's sleep issues coming up this week were no surprise, and it didn't take a profiler to figure out their origins.
Hopefully, a week with his dad in a beautiful spot by the ocean would be just what they both needed.
Emily cleared her throat, "Uh… I have a consult coming up soon so I should get going," she explained, barely managing anything louder than a whisper. She blamed the cold air on her face, but she knew that was bullshit.
Hotch nodded, "Ok… well thanks for the house and… I guess I'll call you later."
"Stay safe Aaron," Emily replied, "Give Jack a kiss for me."
Emily quickly ended the call before she could say anything else that could get her into trouble. She had already done that a couple of weeks earlier, when she'd told Hotch she loved him. Of course, she'd said it while Hotch was asleep, so it didn't really count, but any more moments between them would likely result in her unceremoniously dumping that on him while he was conscious, and Hotch didn't need that right now. He was still mourning Haley, and Emily doubted that he was ready for anything more than friendship and companionship, and while she wanted so much more with him, she knew she couldn't rush into it before he was ready.
Emily sat on the bench, staring at her cell until the cold began to nip at her nose. She stood and hurried across the rest of the quad and into the warm café, rubbing her hands together and praying for a busy afternoon to keep her occupied with work, rather than thoughts about the Hotchner boys.
Want you to rock me baby,
Rock me all night long.
Want you to rock me baby,
Rock me all night long.
Well I want you to rock me baby,
Like my back hasn't got no bones.
Emily swayed to the music and tossed her white shirt into the corresponding basket, indulging in the simple task of sorting through the clothes in her hamper into lights, whites, and darks. There was something cathartic about laundry that gave Emily a sense of satisfaction when the task was done and she had replenished her wardrobe and ready bag.
Just as she was reaching into the bottom of the hamper, Emily's cell began to ring from its spot on the coffee table. She reached over to answer it without checking the caller ID.
"Prentiss."
Hotch chuckled, "That's a little official for a Saturday afternoon, isn't it Agent Prentiss?" he asked softly, looking through the door of Jack's room, where he was taking a nap .
Emily huffed and shook her head, "Not if I was currently working a case, Agent Hotchner," she replied.
Hotch wrinkled his brow, "You're not though… are you? Unless Dave lied to me," he pondered.
Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes. Of course he'd been checking in with Rossi, "Aaron… I swear to Lucifer if you don't make the most of this time away and actually enjoy a vacation with your son…" she wasn't sure how to finish that threat, so she just let it linger.
"I am, I promise," Hotch replied as he made his way down the hall and into the kitchen, "We spent this morning at the Farmer's Market, he's taking a nap right now, and when he wakes up we're going to bake gingerbread cookies," he explained.
"Oooh, I love that mix," Emily said wistfully, "The one in the little red bag?"
Hotch chuckled and nodded, "That's the one," he replied, "We've got all the ingredients, so now I just need to find all of the utensils to get us started."
"Cookie trays are in the draw underneath the microwave," Emily explained, closing her eyes and trying to remember where the rest of the baking paraphernalia was, "Mixing bowls and measuring cups are in one of the drawers underneath the cutlery drawer, and… oh! If you open the pantry, there's a big box marked "cookie cutters". All kinds of shapes in there for Jack to choose from."
Hotch moved around the kitchen, following Emily's instructions and finding everything where she told him it would be, "Thanks Em… we'll try and save you some cookies."
Emily smiled at the image of Hotch and Jack cutting their cookies into the shape of gingerbread men and women, snowflakes, stars, and Christmas trees, "Well… if that's all you needed, I'll get back to my busy afternoon."
"Hey! Don't go," Hotch exclaimed, "I wasn't just calling because of your intimate knowledge of this house… tell me what's been going on."
Emily's heart warmed at the thought that Hotch had a moment free while Jack was napping and he had called her. A cynical part of her brain reminded her that it was a call that served two purposes, but she squashed that thought like a bug.
"Well… I'm having a very exciting night of sorting laundry," she explained, "And next, I'm thinking about tackling my pantry… I wouldn't mind doing a big shop for staples tomorrow, if I get the time."
Hotch wandered into the living room and dropped into the armchair facing the fire, warming his feet up by the flames as he sat back, "Tell me more about this laundry… it sounds fascinating." His eyes closed at the sound of Emily's laugh, and she went on to tell him about a new café that opened in the neighbourhood that morning, suggesting they try it out when he was back in town.
Emily pulled her car up to the garage at the street-level of the warehouse and climbed out to run over and key in the PIN. As the roller door began to open, she put the car in drive and turned off the lights, bringing the car into the building and switching it off. She climbed out again and ran over to key in the internal code, turning off the alarm and closing the garage door.
Emily turned back to her car and leaned in the driver's side to grab her cell, badge, keys and gun, putting them in the various spots on her person, before she closed the car and locked it. She walked up the stairs, checking for any signs that the warehouse had been broken into, and when she reached the top landing, she opened the lockbox. In went her keys and cell, and after she locked it back up, she keyed in another PIN and walked into the SCIF, closing the door behind her.
A few moments later, Emily was logging into her laptop and typing in her encryption details, and the screen lit up like a Christmas tree. She started the call and settled in with her notebook.
"Hi Emily," Nathan said, the line crackling slightly, "I'm glad you could call… I have news."
Emily furrowed her brow and bit her lip, "What's going on? Have you found Liam?"
Nathan shook his head, "Nope… it's far worse than that," he replied.
His pausing made Emily uncomfortable, and she gestured for him to continue.
Nathan took a deep breath and dropped his head for a moment, before looking up at the screen, "We've lost him… he's dropped off our radar."
Emily frowned, "What do you mean you lost him? Where did you lose him?" she asked frantically, wondering if this was the moment… this was when the shit hit the fan.
"We last saw him in Carupano yesterday afternoon," Nathan explained, "One of my guys tracked him to a small fishing village, but the next day he was gone… I think…" he paused and shook his head, "… I think he's on his way to you."
Emily tried to school her features and she nodded, "Thanks Nathan… I'll take it from here," she replied, "I owe you one."
"No… this was the one I owed you," he replied, "Now we're even…" he paused and shook his head, "Good luck Emily."
Emily closed her laptop and sat back in her seat, folding her hands in her lap. She stood from the desk and wandered over to the map that showed Liam's movements and she wondered whether this was all just a smokescreen. He could be hopping a boat to anywhere from Carupano, he wasn't necessarily coming to the States.
Emily stared at the map, hoping to find an alternative that would make more sense… but there were none. Liam was Doyle's lieutenant, and if he was on his way to the States, it meant he was coming ahead of Doyle, to set things up for him.
Emily looked around at the room, wondering what else she could do to prepare for this possibility, and she settled on a big fat zero. She had known this was a possibility all along, so there were some preparations she had already made. The rest would have to wait.
She knew she'd have to call Clyde, so she kept everything switched on for now, but she needed a cigarette. Emily made her way back outside, unlocking the box and taking out her cell and keys. As she made her way downstairs, she stopped in the room underneath the SCIF, where she'd set up a bed and provisions to last at least a month. If she had to live on baked beans and rice, she could… she'd certainly done it before.
Emily made sure she had everything stocked up, then switched off the light. She made her way back over to the car and reached into the glovebox, taking out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and a lighter. She made her way to the other side of the warehouse and out the door, kicking a rock in the doorway to stop it from closing completely. She kicked a milk crate over so she could sit down, and as she lit up, she processed everything she'd learned over the past month.
Her cell began to buzz in her pocket, and she took it out, smiling sadly at the caller ID. As she stared at Hotch's face, she realised there was one massive threat she was overlooking.
Hotch and Jack.
If Doyle was coming for her, anyone who stood in her way would be in the firing line. As the call went to voicemail, Emily kicked herself for not realising it before. She couldn't live with herself if Doyle hunted her down and found out about Hotch and Jack. She had no doubt that he would punish them for what she did.
Emily shook her head… she couldn't lose them.
As a second call came through, Emily realised that she had time. She could try and distance herself from them, without completely cutting them off… she just had to figure out how.
The call went to voicemail again, and Emily waited until the message came through before she called Hotch back. As she lifted the phone to her ear, she took a puff of her cigarette, inhaling it deeply before exhaling, releasing a swirl of smoke into the cold night air.
"Hey… is everything ok?" Hotch asked, "I just tried to call you a couple of times." He was trying not to sound too needy, but it was unusual for Emily to miss calls from him, even if they were personal… especially if they were personal.
"Everything's fine," Emily replied, wincing as a patrol car flew by with it's lights and sirens blaring, "How's the beach?"
"Are you on a case?" Hotch asked, certain he'd heard sirens in the background of the call.
Emily shook her head, "No, not on a case," she replied, "I'm out…" she paused, surprised that she was able to answer without lying. She took another swig of her cigarette, "So I repeat… how's the beach?"
Hotch wrinkled his brow, wondering if Emily was being honest. He had no reason to doubt that she was telling the truth, but Emily Prentiss wasn't one to go out, especially not late on a Sunday night. As Hotch thought about the decision he'd come to that afternoon, he realised that he would need to trust Emily. If he was going to tell her how he felt… that he loved her and that he wanted to try to be something more than friends… he would need to prove to her that he trusted her.
He knew enough about her past relationships, heartbreaks that she had shared with him about needing to trust the person she was in a relationship with, that to show her that he didn't trust her now could be catastrophic to the future he had planned. So for now, he would drop it.
"We walked through town tonight and saw the Christmas lights," Hotch explained, "They were really beautiful Em… Jack kept saying he wished you were here with us."
Hotch had no idea how much his words stung right now, but Emily knew she couldn't tell him, "Maybe next year we can go to the house together," she replied, biting her lip to stop the tears.
"Jack would love that," Hotch replied, his heart beating in his chest as he contemplated his next sentence, "I would too, if I'm being honest."
Even though he wasn't about to share his feelings with Emily over a phone call, when there was no chance of seeing her for at least a couple more days, Hotch decided that he'd said just enough. And then the words came flying out of his mouth without permission.
"I was actually thinking today…" Hotch paused and winced, but he'd already started, so he couldn't leave it at that, "… maybe when I get back to DC, we can have a talk?" He wondered if he sounded as ridiculous to Emily's ears as he did to his own. Looking down at Jack, who had fallen asleep in his arms, the light from the fire dancing across his sleeping face, Hotch shook his head. Now was the time to be courageous. Emily had started them on this path with her confession, when she'd thought he was sleeping, but now he wanted to hear her say the words aloud, knowing he could hear her.
"I'd really like that, Aaron," Emily replied, biting her lip, "But I leave for LA on Tuesday morning."
"Oh," Hotch replied, his voice dropping, "Right… I forgot… family thing."
Emily felt a tear drop down her cheek at the despondency in Hotch's tone, wishing she could make it better, but knowing it would only get worse from here on out.
"I'm sorry," Emily said softly, her voice cracking slightly, "Believe me… if I could be there, I would. I really, really would."
Hotch sighed and nodded, "I believe you, Emily…" he paused and studied her tone, "… are you sure that everything's ok?" he asked softly.
Emily shook her head and cleared her throat, "Everything's fine… uh… I have to go," she said quickly, "I'll talk to you later."
She ended the call quickly, standing up and tossing her cigarette to the ground, stomping it out before she turned and headed back inside. All she needed to do right now was call Clyde and fill him in, and wait for him to get back to her on the next steps.
What she would do about Hotch and Jack, Emily had no idea. But she was sure she could think of something.
"Mom!" Zac called out as he stepped through his bedroom door and meeting her in the hallway, "My tie isn't cooperating."
Emily chuckled and took the offending garment out of her son's hand, lifting it over his head and working the material through the knot like a master, tightening it around his neck.
"There you go," Emily said brightly, reaching up to fold his collar down over the tie, "Glad to know you still need me for some stuff," she added as she ran her hand over the tie to straighten it against Zac's shirt.
"You look beautiful, Mom," Zac said softly, pulling her into a hug, "Thank you for being here."
Emily squeezed him tight for a moment, before she stepped back and placed her hands on his cheeks, "I wouldn't miss this for the world," she replied, her voice cracking.
Emily knew this would be a big day, and thankfully she had a few choice excuses if anyone wondered why she, Emily Prentiss who never cried in public, was going to break into spontaneous weeping.
Her son was graduating with his Masters today.
And in a few weeks, he'd be jumping on a plane to move to a tiny island in the middle of the North Pacific.
At least those were the reasons Emily was giving for why she was uncharacteristically emotional. In reality, she was terrified. Absolutely terrified that a man she had put behind bars, who had been tortured using techniques from her profile, was going to hunt her down. That sword of Damocles had been hanging over her head for almost a decade, but she had been feeling it lower itself with every passing minute.
While Emily would gladly give her life for her whole team, her biggest concerns were the three people around her today, Zac and her parents, and the two Hotchner boys. She couldn't do anything to stop Doyle from finding out about her parents, but she would do everything she could to protect the others.
As if she had thought about them one too many times, Emily's cell began to ring, and she checked the caller ID. That smile that had once made her heart burst was now breaking it.
Emily held up a finger to Zac as she answered the call, "Hey," she said softly, turning her back to Zac and walking over to the window, pushing back the curtain.
"Hey Em," Hotch replied nervously, unsure of the state of his relationship with the woman on the other end of the line. The last time they'd talked, he'd extended an invitation for them to have "the talk", but there was something going on with her and, for some reason, she couldn't tell him what it was.
"Uh… I wanted to apologise for the other night," Emily said quickly, "I didn't mean to blow you off… I'm just dealing with something at the moment and… I…" she shook her head, "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I heard you, and I do want to talk to you about what I think you want to talk about, but… not right now."
Hotch frowned as he listened to Emily's strange series of words. He was relieved that she still wanted to find time to talk about them, and it gave him hope that she was on the same page. But there was something in what she had said that left him feeling uneasy.
"Ok… well you know I'm here if you need to talk," Hotch replied, "Anything you have to tell me, I'll listen… anything you have going on… I want to help."
"It's not really something you can help with," Emily explained, "Honestly, Aaron, it's just better for me to handle it on my own."
"Alright, well I was just calling to let you know we're at the airport at the moment, waiting for our flight back to DC," Hotch explained, "I just wanted to say thanks, again… it meant a lot to both of us." He waved Jack over and held the phone out, "It's Emily," and Jack took it in both hands, holding it up to his ear.
"Hi Emily!" Jack squealed, "Can you come to my house soon?"
Emily chuckled, a tear escaping her eye and rolling down her cheek, "Hi Jack-in-the-box! I'll sort that out with Daddy, don't you worry."
"I'm back," Hotch said softly, "He's still not great on the phone."
Emily shook her head, grabbing a tissue from the nearby box and wiping it under her eyes, "It's fine…" she replied, the emotions evident in her voice, "It's just nice to hear his voice." Worried that Hotch was about to ask a question she couldn't answer honestly, Emily bit her lip, "Well I have to go… I'll be back tomorrow."
"Emily," Hotch started, but Emily cut him off.
"I'm fine… I'll talk to you later Hotch."
The click in his ear told Hotch that Emily was gone. And he started to worry that she wouldn't be back. There was something… something big… going on. His mind ran over what she'd said, and he replayed their last few conversations over and over in his mind.
Jack came running over and grabbed Hotch's hand, pointing to the small café in the airport, "Daddy! Can we get a hot chocolate?" he asked.
Hotch huffed and nodded, shoving his cell in his pocket while he stood, picking up their small backpack and taking Jack's hand for the short walk. He made a mental note to come back to this thing with Emily… something strange was going on with her and he was determined to find out what it was.