Chapter 43: The Thirteenth Step

Emily tapped away at her keyboard, quickly filling in the record of interviews from her debriefing with Heather Manning.

After the shoot-out, Emily had gone with her in the ambulance to the hospital. She wasn't injured, but the little girl was most definitely traumatised by witnessing what she had that day. She'd met her older sister, watched her father be beaten and murdered, and then watched her sister die. When they'd lifted her into the ambulance, she'd been shaking like a leaf and it was only when Emily had climbed in and held her hand that she was somewhat calmed.

On the drive to the hospital, Emily kept her questions to herself, knowing that Heather needed to calm down before she would be able to relive what she'd witnessed. Instead, they talked about nothing in particular. Emily kept the little girl occupied with questions about her favourite books and movies, what she was doing over the summer, and what she'd like to have for dinner. By the time they reached the hospital, she was calm enough to let the doctors check her vitals and then the staff found them a quiet place to conduct the interview.

Over the subsequent ninety minutes, Emily had catalogued every horrifying detail of what Heather had witnessed during the stand-off in the gas station, from the moment she first heard Ray beating her father, to the moment Ray drove the car through the garage door. While she had the chance, Emily had also asked Heather some questions about her father, just to check that the little girl hadn't also experienced the same abuse as Sydney. It wasn't like he would be there to suffer consequences if he had done something to Heather, but Emily felt it would be important information for police and Heather's mother.

Thankfully, Heather described an abuse-free household and a childhood marked with family movie nights, fights with parents over eating her vegetables, and helping her dad at the gas station by making sure all of the stock was stacked perfectly. When the interview was over, Emily invited Heather's mother into the room and told her that she had a very brave little girl. Emily had squeezed Heather's hand as she told her she was strong and that she would be ok.

And Emily believed it.

Emily sighed as she hit the print button and stood from her desk, making her way to the copier to collect the finished product. After she stopped by her desk for the file folder, she made her way up the stairs and tapped lightly on Hotch's open office door.

Hotch looked up from his desk and smiled instinctively when he saw Emily. She had been partnered up with Morgan for the case in Montana, so he hadn't really had a chance to speak with her. They'd been so busy cleaning up the mess at the gas station, and when Hotch had finally had a moment to check on her, he had found out that she'd gone with Heather to the hospital.

He wasn't upset that she hadn't checked with him first. She was a capable agent, and someone needed to interview the little girl. He would have likely assigned that task to Emily anyway, so he was glad that she had taken the initiative to go with her. But it had meant that, by the time he saw her again, they were on the jet and flying home. And as had become routine in the last couple of weeks, Emily had seemingly gone out of her way to avoid him by finding a seat in the corner, joining Reid and leaving no space or privacy for Hotch to check in with her.

His rational brain told him that she was obviously going through something, and he needed to let her come to him when she was ready. The horrible, self-deprecating part of his brain told him another story. That part told him that Emily was avoiding him because she didn't feel the same about him. That part told him that his invitation a few weeks ago, the invitation that was the first step towards their shared future, was too much for her. And even though he had suspected Emily's feelings for him had grown and that she was getting closer to being ready to move their relationship forward, that doubtful part of his brain was getting harder to ignore.

Breaking himself from his thoughts, Hotch stood from his desk and gestured for Emily to come in as he rounded the table and reached over to close the door. He turned back and gestured for Emily to take a seat in one of the visitors chairs and, as she sat down, Hotch returned to his own seat.

Emily held out the folder that was in her hand, "This is the ROI for Heather Manning," she explained, as Hotch reached up to take the file from her.

Hotch nodded, dropping the file on top of the rest of the case materials and looking back up at Emily, "Thanks for getting this done so quickly," he replied, "But you didn't have to stay back late… it could've waited until tomorrow."

Emily shook her head, "Better to get it done while it's all fresh in my mind," she explained, glancing down at her watch, "Besides, I'm meeting a friend for a drink and it wasn't worth it to go home first."

Hotch raised his eyebrow suspiciously, "Am I allowed to ask?"

Emily shrugged, "Sean's back in town," she replied, figuring telling Hotch would hopefully stop him from worrying. However, her plan was quashed when she noticed the deepening furrow of his brow.

"Still trying to woo you back?" Hotch asked, attempting to inject a little humour into the interaction. While he was genuine in his attempt to get Emily to smile, he couldn't help but worry that her distance was related to her work at Interpol. Hotch had been wondering if Emily was just trying to come to a decision and was struggling more than he would have hoped. He would like to think that a life with him and Jack, and staying with the Bureau would be an easy choice. But looking at Emily fail to smile at his attempted humour, Hotch realised that he was wrong.

Emily shook her head, "Do we really have to go over this again?" she asked, sounding unintentionally snippy. Seeing the hurt on Hotch's face, she immediately regretted her tone and shook her head again, dropping the tone and the volume in her voice, "I'm sorry."

"Emily," Hotch urged, forgiving her for snapping, "You know that I will never force you to talk to me about what's going on, but I hope you know that I'm here for you… no matter what it is."

Emily bit her lip, trying to ward off the emotions she could feel bubbling up in her chest. She nodded but couldn't trust her voice. She also couldn't trust her face to cooperate, so she stared at her fingers, picking at her nails nervously. It had been a habit she'd been trying to break, but it was proving to be a difficult task. Her work with the BAU, this investigation into Liam and the potential for Doyle to come back into her life, and her plans to move her relationship with Hotch forward being put on hold while she figured the Doyle situation out... it was all a little stressful.

"Maybe we could go to the park this weekend," Hotch asked, knowing that an afternoon of kicking the soccer ball with Jack would surely cheer her up, and a beer on the couch while Jack had his afternoon nap might just loosen Emily's tongue enough to share. She hadn't joined them since before he and Jack had gone on their trip, and he knew, at the very least, that Jack was missing her.

Emily nodded, knowing it would never happen but not wanting to worry Hotch by rejecting his invitation outright. As she looked up, she offered a small smile, "Sure… I'll get back to you on when," she replied, hoping that would suffice in alleviating Hotch's concern. His smile in response suggested she was on the right track.

Patting her hands on her knees, Emily stood up from the desk, gesturing with her thumb over her shoulder, "I should get going," she explained, "I don't want to be late."

Hotch nodded, standing from his desk and meeting Emily by the door. Before she could turn the handle, Hotch reached out to place his hand over hers, stopping her from leaving. He looked down at her and sighed.

"Can I…" he paused and dropped his head, "Can I hug you?" he asked, embarrassed at how pathetic he sounded at the request. He wasn't used to this distance, and while his Unit Chief voice was telling him that this was inappropriate, his Aaron voice was screaming at him to hold her tight and never let go. They had come to a point where it was natural, a touch on the shoulder, a squeezed hand, a hug. Hotch missed the closeness he had come to enjoy with the woman at his side, and he thought he might be able to get them back on track if he held her in his arms.

Emily sighed and nodded, unable to reject such a touching request. She reached over, tentatively wrapping her arms around his waist, and when his arms enveloped her, she gave in fully to the embrace. Resting her head on his chest, Emily let out a sigh, realising how much she had missed this. While she knew she needed to keep Hotch at a distance, she also knew that this place, this secure office in this secure building in this secure facility, was probably the only place she could let this happen.

Hotch rested his head on top of Emily's, his stubble catching on her hair. He breathed in the scent of coconut and smiled, letting the warmth of Emily's body calm his nerves. He had no idea why she was drawing back from him, but he would figure it out. He would find a way to show her that he could be trusted with whatever secrets she was keeping.

As Hotch started to move his hands over her back, Emily realised she needed to get out of there. Not only was Hotch breaking his rules for her right now, but she could not be late to meet Sean. She knew this was the beginning of the end, and she needed to figure out her next steps.

Emily began to pull away from Hotch, but she paused, keeping her hands on his chest and feeling his heart beating fast. She stared at her hands for a moment, before she lifted her head to look him in the eyes. Those beautiful dark eyes that she could get lost in, where she was sure her secrets would be safe. Emily wondered if she should just tell him everything.

Hotch stared into Emily's eyes, feeling her breath on his face and the warmth of her hand over his heart. He knew she could feel how fast it was beating and wondered if she knew why. His mind quickly ran over all of the reasons he shouldn't do what he was thinking, but he ignored those thoughts, lowering his head and keeping his eyes on her lips. Just as his lips ghosted near hers, Emily pulled herself out of his arms, shocking Hotch at the sudden loss of contact.

"I have to go," Emily said quickly, gently pushing Hotch aside and opening the door.

Before he even knew what was happening, Emily was down at her desk and a few seconds later she was pushing through the glass doors. Hotch stood in the doorway, bringing a hand up to run over his mouth, the other on his hip. He stared at Emily's desk, void now of the woman who belonged there, and wondered if he'd just fucked everything up.

Hotch turned back to his desk and dropped into his chair, running his hands over his face as he contemplated what to do to fix this… if there was anything he could do. He couldn't lose her, not in his life and not to Interpol. He needed to figure out how to get her to stay, how to show her that she could trust him.

Emily swallowed hard, gripping her purse in her hand, "Am I in danger?" she asked, knowing the answer.

Sean frowned and sighed, "We all are," he replied.

Emily reached up and ran her fingers through her hair, wondering what to do next, "What do we do now?" she asked, trepidation evident in her voice. She knew she'd been right. That Liam's disappearance was harbinger for a much bigger concern.

Sean shook his head, "I'm not sure," he replied, dropping the volume of his voice as a couple walked by, "I'll have to talk to Clyde, and then we can let you know what the next steps are."

Emily nodded, sitting her hands in her lap and picking at her nails nervously, "Did Clyde give you the intel I got on Liam?" she asked.

Sean frowned and shook his head, "What intel?"

"He called me a couple of months ago and told me that Liam was out, somewhere in Mexico," she explained, "I had my contacts in South America tracking him, but they lost him in Venezuela…" Emily paused and looked down at her hands, picking at her nails, "Our theory is that he's travelling to the US by sea, probably landing somewhere on the east coast."

Sean nodded, "That would make sense," he added, "If Doyle is coming here, he'll probably base himself out of Boston."

Emily nodded and stood, "I have to go… you do to…" she said quickly, "Get back to Brussels and get Fi and Maisie somewhere safe."

Sean stood, pulling Emily into a tight hug, "Stay safe Emily," he whispered into her hair.

Emily's heart constricted as she pulled away, "You too, Sean," she replied, stepping back and turning around, heading out the door and straight to her car. Once she was inside the car, she locked the doors and checked her mirrors. Pulling away from the curb, she kept an eye on her mirrors as she navigated the streets of DC.

She had to get to her parents to pick up Zac. He was due to fly out late that night, and Emily had figured that driving him to the airport could be one last parental responsibility that Zac's maturing couldn't take away. But she knew now that she couldn't drive straight there. Looking at the clock on the dash, she knew she had ninety minutes before she had to be at her parents place, so she decided to take her time and make sure she wasn't being followed.

Emily drove all the way out to Scott's Run, taking the highways all the way around until she looped back to Mt. Vernon. The whole drive she checked her mirrors to make sure she wasn't being followed. As she headed back from Mt. Vernon to the District, Emily called Zac.

"Hey Mom," he said brightly, "Are you on your way?"

"Sure am," Emily replied, sighting the turnoff to Arlington Cemetery, "I'm ten minutes away… are you ready?"

Zac laughed, "Grams made sure of it," he replied, "Packed and ready to go."

"Alright, well I'll be there soon," Emily replied with a sigh.

"See you when you get here," Zac said, ending the call.

Emily bit her lip, anxiously checking the mirrors again. She was so close to getting her son on a plane and out of DC before any shit hit the fan, and that made her nervous. What Emily knew about Doyle, and what she knew he would do to her, she didn't want Zac to be around and risk getting caught in the crossfire. She needed him to get out of town before that became a likelihood.

As Emily crossed the Potomac, she kept checking the mirrors, but there hadn't been a tail for the last hour, so there shouldn't be one now. She wondered if Liam was already in DC, or at least Stateside. She wondered who Doyle was bringing in on the job, and whether they had already been tasked to find her and follow her. She wondered how this would all end. Of course Emily knew the answer to that question. It would end badly… it would end with one or both of them dead.

Emily pulled into her parent's street and, checking her mirrors one last time, pulled into their driveway. She brought her car to a stop outside the front door, and when she climbed out, Zac opened the door to greet her.

"I think we'll make it, just in time," he said excitedly, pulling Emily into a hug.

"Sorry, I'm later than I planned," Emily replied, "I got caught up with work… but let's go!"

Zac chuckled as he picked up is laptop bag and slung it over his shoulder, "Are you that eager to get rid of me?" he joked, taking his large backpack and slinging it over his other shoulder.

Emily huffed and nodded, "Yeah… you're such a pain in the ass," Emily retorted, "And in a couple of days, you'll be Palau's problem."

Zac smiled, reaching out for Emily's car keys and heading out to pack his things in the trunk.

"He's nervous," Simon said, making his way down the staircase to greet Emily. She nodded and he pulled her into a hug. She squeezed him tight… tighter than usual… which made him worry. As he pulled away, Simon searched her eyes for clues, but found nothing… he'd taught her too well, "Everything ok kiddo?" he asked, figuring the direct approach would get him something more.

Emily bit her lip and nodded, "Everything's fine," she replied, studying her father's face. She knew she could tell him and he was one of the few people in the world who might actually be able to help, but she wouldn't do that. Emily wouldn't be able to cope, knowing he was in danger because of something she had done. Thankfully, Zac was headed to the North Pacific, and her parents were headed to Italy for the new few months, so she could at least be certain that they wouldn't be in danger from Doyle.

So she kept another secret from her dad.

"Where's Mother?" Emily asked, stepping back and clearing her throat.

Simon smiled, "She had to go to a dinner… she and Zac said their farewells earlier," he replied.

Emily nodded and smiled as Zac came back into the house, "You ready to go, sweetheart?" she asked.

Zac licked his top lip and let out a breath, "Absolutely… let's get this show on the road." He moved over to pull his grandfather into a hug, "Love you Pops," Zac said softly, "Take care of Grams and Mom for me."

Simon huffed into Zac's shoulder and nodded, "I will… I promise," he replied, "And I love you too." He looked up and spotted Emily standing by the entry table, doing her best to keep her emotions in check. Simon offered her a gentle smile, which she returned reluctantly. "Alright, son," Simon said, tapping Zac on the back, "I'd better let you go before your mother's too upset to drive."

Zac chuckled, stepping back and putting his arm around Emily's shoulders, "Let's go," he said, looking down at her face.

Emily nodded and pat Zac's side, leaning forward to give Simon a kiss on the cheek, "Love you, Dad," she said with a hint of fake glee in her voice.

Simon watched as Emily and Zac made their way through the front door, separating only when they reached the car. As they climbed in, he walked out onto the front porch and as Emily started to pull the car out of the driveway, he waved.

The car disappeared as Emily manoeuvred it down the long street, and Simon turned back to the house, all the while wondering what was going on with his daughter.

Emily opened her eyes at the sound of her alarm clock and sighed. Reaching up to run her hands over her face, she glanced over to hit the alarm and saw the time.

Six o'clock.

After driving Zac to the airport and using her badge to get through security so she could watch him get on the plane and fly away, Emily had come home to try and get some sleep.

She hadn't.

Thoughts of the upcoming battle weighed heavily on her mind and she'd spent the night staring at the ceiling and coming up with a plan. She knew some of the practical steps, including prepping the warehouse with everything she needed. A quick trip to Ninth Street would fill in the gaps. She also needed to get another car, one that wasn't in her real name. That went on the list of things to do once she heard more from Sean.

Emily groaned and pushed herself up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She leant forward, her hands gripping the mattress, and she sighed. There was a lot of work to do, and she didn't know how long she had to get it all done. Besides, it was still a work day and she needed to get ready. She pushed herself off the bed and started out into the kitchen, switching on the coffee machine and enjoying the scent as it filled the apartment.

While the coffee brewed, Emily filled up Sergio's bowl and topped up his water, patting his black fur when he came over to start his breakfast. She smiled and reached up to the fridge, where she kept a notepad and pen for groceries, and started to make a list.

Sergio to Garcia

Garcia adored Sergio, so if anything happened to Emily, she would want her friend to take care of him. She would spoil him rotten, and he would love her for it.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Emily made her way into the living room, surveying its contents. There were photos of Zac everywhere, and Emily knew she'd have to get rid of them. The photo albums from their lives were still packed away, but she'd have to move them to the warehouse to keep them away from prying eyes.

Emily's eyes scanned the entertainment unit and she spotted Jack's toys, and her heart started to hurt.

Jack.

And Hotch.

She'd have to get rid of anything that would suggest a child had spent time here, anything that would hint at how close she had become to the two Hotchner boys. Every toy, every book, every photo that was a reminder of the family she'd almost had… it would all need to go.

Emily made her way down to her small office and found a flat-pack archive box. She unfolded it and returned to the living room to pack away her memories. Jack's toys went into the crate along with all of the children's books she kept at just the right height on the bookcase. Photos of Zac and her parents went in the archive box, along with the only photo she kept of her with Hotch and Jack. It was in a black frame that she kept on her desk, the only place it was safe from the curious gazes of the team when they came to visit.

The photo itself was from just another simple, relaxing day at the park. They had watched the boats sailing on the river, then they'd bought ice cream and Emily had laughed at the mess Jack had made. After they'd cleaned up, they had set up their blanket under the shade of a tree and while Jack and Emily napped, Hotch had taken a photo. Emily's head rested on Hotch's stomach and Jack was curled up at her side, the big guy watching over them while they slept. And on Jack's chin, a tiny remnant of chocolate ice cream.

Emily's hand shook as she held the frame, but she wouldn't let the tears come. She packed them away with the photos, knowing that, from now on, she had to be ruthless. There was no space for emotions during a battle. She couldn't afford to be vulnerable. She couldn't afford to be weak.

These memories, and the people they represented, were why Emily needed to stay focused. She would pack the photos up and take them to the warehouse. They'd be safe there, until she could get back to them, or until she was dead.

It was time to take off her civilian costume and put on her armour.