[Author's note: This is the first chapter of an adventure-comedy serial featuring the Special Tasks Group's Major Kirrahe. It takes place on the asari-run planet of Illium between the events of the first and second Mass Effect games, just prior to Commander Shepard's revival. Aside from Kirrahe, it will feature mostly original characters though some familiar faces will pop up in cameo roles. The character of Solik Vass is not an original creation, but a minor character from the third game that I've decided to turn into Kirrahe's sidekick. Special thanks to Lara Jayd for beta reading the initial chapters. The thumbnail art is by Choco-Minto. Check out her Tumblr!]
[Update: Special thanks to Re Lupa for her wonderful poster art for this story - deviantartDOTcom/brumbyofsteel/art/Commission-One-Tough-Cloaca-862826861]
Chapter 1
Illium Entertainment News Update- 6th Dimension Vids Studios has made an estimated seven-figure payment to the Systems Alliance for the exclusive rights to film its navy's official account of the raid on disgraced former Spectre Saren Arterius' krogan cloning facility on Virmire. The arrangement was unusual in that most declassified reports by the Systems Alliance Navy are public domain but the Virmire report was copyrighted at the insistence of Alliance ambassador Donnel Udina. In a statement Udina said he was pleased that the studio and the Alliance were able reach an agreement and thanked 6th Dimension Vids for giving him an executive producer credit in the forthcoming adaptation.
Solik Vass groaned as he looked up at the Nos Astra spaceport chronometer and realized he had been waiting for more than three hours for his pickup. For most species such a wait would be tedious enough but for the lanky, olive-skinned teenager it was agonizing. With a lifespan of just 40 years, salarians sought to be as active as possible to make up for their limited time. Among Vass' people there was no greater insult than being called "idle." And yet that was exactly what he had been for the better part of the afternoon.
It certainly wasn't what he had expected a month ago when he learned he had snagged an internship on the planet Illium at 6th Dimension Vids, one of the three biggest studios in the galaxy. And not just any internship - He would be working on the set the next film featuring hanar superstar Blasto! 6th Dimension Vids had made headlines when outbid all other studios for the exclusive rights to the amazing true story of how the Council's first human Spectre had stopped a rogue agent named Saren Arterius from nearly seizing control of the Citadel, the seat of the galactic government. "Blasto: The Hunt for Saren," the first half of a planned two-part vid, was the most anticipated release of the year. Vass would be right there as it was made. He had been the envy of everyone at his school.
They wouldn't be so envious if they could see him now, Vass thought. The irony of it was that Vass had already tempered his expectations. Though young, he was not naïve. He knew an intern wouldn't be hanging out with Blasto or any of the top-tier actors signed to the vid. But he was hopeful that he would be put to work assisting the cinematographers, the special effects team, the editors or any of the other behind-the-scenes folks that were responsible for the actual on-vid magic. He wanted to learn the craft of making vids while at their elbow – or whatever was their species' equivalent of an elbow. It would be the first step in the process that would someday let him become a famous director.
That hadn't happened. Instead, Vass had spent the last month running errands for people in the producers' office: fetching hot beverages, picking up clothes from the tailors and chauffeuring people around in a company skycar, like he was waiting to do now at the main spaceport in Illium's capitol city. The only thing Vass was learning about the vid industry was that at the entry level it was indistinguishable from any other job.
Still, at least this wasn't as bad one of his other occasional tasks: escorting groupies to Blasto's trailer. As if that wasn't unpleasant enough by itself, the last time he ended up getting chewed out by an executive producer when he made a "serious mistake." That just wasn't fair, Vass thought to himself. Only a hanar can tell the gender of another hanar, so how was he supposed to have known? And, honestly, if Blasto himself didn't notice until a half hour after the groupie had entered his trailer, then that's on him.
Vass was still turning the incident over in his head when a voice snapped him out of his mental fog.
"Excuse me, are you the driver for 6th Dimension Vids? I believe I'm your pickup," it asked.
Vass looked over at the voice's owner, a salarian like him, and wondered if he was still daydreaming after all.
"You're… You're Captain Kirrahe!" Vass sputtered.
The traveler, who was a few years older than Vass and whose skin was of a lighter green hue, smiled. "Well, I used to be. I now go by 'Major Kirrahe.' And now that we have ascertained who I am, perhaps we can get back to my original query: Are you my driver?"
Vass had only been told he was picking up another salarian, a special military consultant to ensure realism for the vid's main battle scene. No one had prepared him for this. He tried to speak but ended up just nodding yes instead and signaling the major to follow him. A few minutes later they reached the company skycar.
As they headed away, Kirrahe looked out the window and frowned. "I thought the company's soundstages were in the Lemares District. Aren't we going the opposite way?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to tell you earlier," Vass said, managing his first full sentences since the major's arrival. "You were so late getting in that the producers sent me a message that the meeting was rescheduled for tomorrow. I'm to take you to your hotel downtown instead and give you a datapad with the shooting script."
"Ah, well, then I guess I have the evening off. Any suggestions for things that are interesting to do in Illium?" the major asked.
"Nothing that would be more exciting than what you're used to," Vass replied.
This piqued the major's curiosity. "Really? You seem to know a fair bit about what I do on a regular basis. Care to enlighten me on what exactly that is?"
Vass tried to respond coolly but it was no use. "You're Captain – I mean, Major — Kirrahe of the Special Tasks Group's 3rd Infiltration Regiment! You're their top field agent, the one they drop into danger zones and behind enemy lines for special missions! You're the one that led the STG forces in the assault on renegade Spectre Saren Arterius' base on Virmire! You were heavily outnumbered by geth and cloned krogan but you fought them off and saved the galaxy that day, sir!"
Kirrahe narrowed his eyes. "Let me guess: You read the Systems Alliance's report on the incident, didn't you?"
Vass conceded he had. It was the only actual evidence that the incident had even happened. The STG's duties were primarily espionage and sabotage, and as such virtually all of its activities were highly classified. The Virmire mission was the exception because it had been a joint operation between the STG and the Council. The latter team had been led by the Council's then-newest Spectre and the first human to join its elite ranks, Commander Shepard. After Shepard's death a few months later, the Alliance made a point of publicizing the commander's actions as a recruiting tool and the "Assault on Virmire," as it was dubbed, became public knowledge.
The STG was reportedly not pleased and never formally acknowledged the Alliance's account of the mission. But for Vass and his schoolmates, the Alliance report read like a rip-roaring adventure tale and it featured a swaggering salarian hero to boot, something his people didn't have many of. Vass had read it so many times that he could recite whole sections from memory. Shepard's account of Kirrahe rallying his troops before the battle with a stirring call to "hold the line!" was the stuff of legend.
That was one tough cloaca, Vass thought. And now that legend was seated right next to him.
"Well," Kirrahe said, "Don't believe everything you read."
Vass was somewhat taken aback by this. The Alliance's report was widely assumed to be accurate because it came from aliens who had no particular reason to exaggerate the STG's role. And they certainly didn't downplay it either. Shepard, in fact, had spoken quite glowingly of the STG's actions and Kirrahe's leadership that day.
"Are you saying the report isn't true?" he asked the major.
Kirrahe managed a bemused smile. "No. I merely said, 'Don't believe everything you read.' It's good advice. I can't comment on the Alliance report."
Vass smiled in return. "Sort of like the other missions you have done for the STG? There's even rumors that you were involved in secret drops into Tuchanka! But I guess if you told me about those you'd have to kill me," the young salarian quipped.
It was one of the oldest jokes in the galaxy. Every intelligent species that had some form of espionage organization - that is to say, all of them – had some version of it. Vass expected that Kirrahe would follow up with a joking, "Maybe…" or something similar.
So that fact the Kirrahe got quiet instead and remained so for the rest of the trip was rather unnerving for Vass.
As they pulled into the major's hotel, the major finally broke the silence. "I just realized I never asked your name. Care to give it to me and let me know what time you are picking me up in the morning?" he asked.
The young salarian could only help the officer with the first part. "I-I'm Solik Vass, sir. But I'm not sure I'll be your driver tomorrow. We have a few other interns and some regular drivers too. It could be any one of them."
Kirrahe contemplated that for a second and said, "Tell the producers that I'd rather it be you."
Vass nodded and drove off. He remained in something of a daze as he drove towards the studio-owned dormitory he shared with other interns. He had expected a summer of watching from the sidelines as actors pretended at being heroes. Instead he had just met the real thing, a soldier who had literally saved the galaxy at least once. And possibly more than once. Most of what Kirrahe did for the STG was super-secret, hush-hush spy stuff, after all.
And somehow, despite all of Vass' awkward, starstruck behavior, Kirrahe had seemingly taken a liking to him.
The young salarian arrived early at the Nos Astra hotel the next morning and found Kirrahe waiting for him in the lobby. It was the first time Vass had had a chance to see the officer in daylight and he was struck by something he hadn't noticed the night before. He was taller than Kirrahe. Not significantly. No more than a few centimeters. But the fact that he was larger than a man who was larger than life was a mild surprise.
But then nothing about Kirrahe advertised that he was, in fact, one of the Special Tasks Group's deadliest commandos, Vass thought. Standing before him was a casually-dressed, averaged-sized salarian with light green skin and an unremarkable build. There was no swagger in his movement. He had no visible scars and his voice wasn't gruff or raspy in the way that it seemed was always the case with other species' badass heroes. At a glance, Kirrahe could be any other tourist in Nos Astra.
'Of course,' Vass thought. Kirrahe was blending in, hiding in plain sight. This was what made the STG great. Its agents were invisible, working from the shadows. And when there weren't shadows, the STG made them.
Kirrahe was tapping away at his omni-tool as Vass approached him. "Ah, Solik! Good timing! I've just gotten the okay from the studio. They're reassigning you to me as my personal assistant for the duration of the shoot. I trust that's alright with you?" he announced.
Vass assumed he must have misheard. "Did you just say that I'm working for you now?"
"Yes," the major replied. "I could use a helping hand and you seemed like the best choice among all the others working on this vid."
The young salarian was still confounded. "But… I'm the only person you have met working on the vid."
The major nodded. "Yes, that did help narrow the search considerably. Still, you seem like a fine young man and I could use your help on a few things. So, are we agreed?"
Vass let the realization sink in: the hero of the Assault on Virmire wanted him to tag along full-time. "Yes, sir! Absolutely!"
"Good, good," Kirrahe said with a grin. "Now, I believe we should get going to the producers. We probably shouldn't miss a meeting that has already been rescheduled once."
As they sped off, Vass did wonder for a moment why exactly Kirrahe needed an assistant in the first place. As a consultant, the major was just there to answer questions about what happened on Virmire. But Vass wasn't about to start questioning his luck now. A day ago, he had been so miserable that he had been seriously contemplating quitting his internship and going home. Now that thought couldn't be further from his mind. Vass had an opportunity to be at the side of one of his personal heroes and he wasn't about to that slip through his six fingers.