Living Rent-Free
Hermione did not sleep the night of Snape's declaration of love. She dozed off a number of times only to startle herself awake with the recollection of what had transpired in the work room earlier that day.
Finally, just before dawn, she decided to give up on sleep, threw on a warm cloak, and went out for a walk. It had not yet snowed that year, but the ground was covered in a thick, crunchy layer of frost. Her footfalls seemed far too loud in the frigid morning air and her breath collected in great puffy clouds that trailed behind her.
She became so lost in her fractured thoughts that she did not see a figure step out of the treeline by the path, nor did she hear footsteps approach her. It was not until he called her name that she noticed Snape walking toward her.
"Miss Granger, please..."
Hermione willed her feet to stop carrying her in the opposite direction. She very much did not want to speak to Snape this morning. He held out a folded letter to her, and after a moment of hesitation she took it.
"Would you do me the honor of reading that letter?" he asked.
He did not wait to hear a reply, but turned heel and disappeared back into the woods. With no intention of reading it, Hermione shoved the letter, which looked to be comprised of multiple sheets of parchment covered in cramped script, into her cloak pocket.
The walk and her attempt at peace that morning was ruined. She finally gave in and pulled the letter from her pocket to begin reading:
Hermione,
I assure you I have no intention of professing any further feelings for you in this letter, nor do I wish to further insult you or accuse you of any unwarranted opinions of my behavior. Your impression of me, while uninformed on some accounts, is understandable. I have maintained a level of privacy – which you call secrecy – that invites others to assume the worst of my motivations and character. I hope you will read this letter and allow me to explain the actions that you have found so repulsive.
The two worst offenses with which you charged me last night were first, that I took personal satisfaction and delight in mocking and antagonizing both Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter while they were my students, and second, that I am maliciously refusing to offer the Elixir of Elabum to Longbottom's parents due to a deep hatred of their son and to selfishly ensure I remain out of the public eye.
I shall defend my character on these accounts, and I apologize if my feelings and motives still do not measure up to your ideals. I do not wish to offend you but I may include in this explanation references to feelings and thoughts I no longer have and to events in the past that might cause you distress to recall. For that I am sorry.
In regard to Mr. Longbottom, I acknowledge that if one did not know my true purpose it would appear as though I was cruel to an unforgivable degree. You have said you do not believe there could be any sufficient explanation, but nevertheless it is true that it was done to protect him. Due to his birth and his parents being members of the Order, Neville Longbottom could easily have been the Chosen One instead of Harry Potter. If he began showing signs of prodigy, or had sufficient courage to make a name for himself, he would have peaked the Dark Lord's interest once more. So, I exploited his natural timidity in order to ensure he would keep his head down and remain safe at Hogwarts. This was done with the explicit approval of Dumbledore. Have you never wondered why I was allowed to carry on treating your friends so unfairly without Dumbledore stepping in to stop it? He not only approved, but insisted that I protect Longbottom in this way in addition to the protection I provided Potter.
Dumbledore assured me that Longbottom was resilient enough to handle it, but in that I may have been mislead whether purposefully or not I cannot say. If you, as his friend, say that it has irreparably damaged him, then I admit at times I may have gone too far. I will only add this – that in addition to forming Longbottom into the sort of student who would never dare set off in search of the Dark Lord on his own, I was also forming memories for myself that would demonstrate his weakness to the Dark Lord. Likewise, I had to be careful how I interacted with Potter. My memories were often tested as proof of my loyalty. I had to be believed every bit as vindictive and cruel as I appeared to your younger self. I confess I assumed, wrongly, that you must have already worked out these truths after the war.
As for your accusations regarding Mr. Potter, I once again must tell you that all of it was done under the direction and approval of Dumbledore. I was not often privy to the details of his plans for Potter, but I was to be Potter's enemy. In theory, I would be a distraction from the growing threat of a return of his true enemy. However, despite my efforts to goad and provoke Potter at every opportunity, he often ignored me in favor of plotting and scheming with his friends to save the world and avenge his parents. Unlike Longbottom, he could not be cowed and would not be distracted from what would be his destiny. When the Dark Lord returned sooner that we hoped, while Potter was still but a boy, there was the problem of how to protect him long enough to prepare him to face his destiny? Of course, that was before I knew Dumbledore had no intention of training Potter in earnest. He wanted him to remain emotional and reckless, single-minded in his desire for justice, and as idealistic as possible. I was but another pawn in the master plan. You accused me of selfishly giving Potter detentions to make it easier to watch him, but I ask you, which is the better motive? To impose a temporary unfair punishment in order to ensure his safety or to indulge his most impulsive tendencies so that one day he would decide to go off and sacrifice himself to a dark wizard based on a prophecy? I am guilty of the former and the esteemed Albus Dumbledore is guilty of the latter.
There is much more that might be said on the subject of Potter, Dumbledore, and my past actions. However, I trust that this explanation is sufficient to clear myself of the charge of cruelty for cruelty's sake. I wish that I might have been a respected mentor to Lily's son rather than an enemy.
Before I answer for the second accusation leveled against me, I would like to address my wariness to reunite with your schoolmates. If you, who I believe to be capable of more compassion and understanding than most, are still unable to separate the persona of 'Professor Snape' from the man who now lives free from the lies and manipulation required to survive as a spy, then how do you expect your friends to do so? Especially when some of those friends are the very people who suffered the brunt of my cruel theatrics as children?When I saw that of out of all of them, only you were able to form a true friendship with Draco and forgive him for the past, I felt there was a chance you might do the same for me. Your friends have not once written or visited Draco, despite his numerous attempts to earn their good opinion. Had they done so in the time since I've resided at the manor, I would feel less apprehensive at the idea of meeting them again. I will not grovel for the rest of my life before those who think the worst of me – indeed, I would prefer to have no friends at all.
I have noticed that you do not speak of your friends at all since you rejected Mr. Weasley's marriage proposal. If they have abandoned you in favor of Weasley then they are the most reprehensible friends imaginable and I want nothing to do with them. I am sorry if my criticism of your friends causes you pain. I know that you have been unhappy for quite some time. Perhaps you might consider that there is nothing wrong with you, except for surrounding yourself with these sort of friends out of a sense of loyalty which they clearly do not return.
Finally, as to your disappointment with me for refusing to help the Longbottoms by including them in the trials of my research, I can only repeat what I have previously said. It would be unethical. If I were in their place – and it is only by incredible luck I am not – I would not want anyone to have the power to turn me into a lab rat just because I am out of my mind. Even if that person was a family member. Love and grief often drive people to agree to do things they later regret. I will not be responsible for putting Longbottom in that position. If this reason is not acceptable to you then I am sorry we cannot agree on the subject, but I do not apologize for my position. I do sincerely hope that the treatment is approved and adopted as therapy for patients such as the Longbottoms in the future. I have no desire to prolong their suffering and it pains me to know you believe I am capable of such malice. I failed miserably at representing myself to you prior to yesterday afternoon, but it is a small comfort to imagine you might read this letter to the end, if for no other reason than to satisfy your curiosity.
I do not know how your friends, particularly Potter, speak of me now. I conclude from your assumptions that Longbottom allows me no good faith, and that is his right, of course. I do not blame him. However, I hope that this letter has at least cleared me of the more despicable character traits that were part of my reputation as a spy. I'm sure you wonder why I did not say any of this yesterday, but I was so taken aback by your vitriol that I did not have the presence of mind with which to form a reasonable response. Any explanation offered at the height of such emotion would have fallen short. Suffice it to say, I had convinced myself that you felt something for me in return – even if it was just the goodwill of friendship – and I was wholly unprepared to be met with such displeasure. I was steeled for rejection, but not censure.
This letter has now reached such an unwieldy length that I doubt you will bother to finish it. All that is left to say is that I intend to leave Malfoy Manor within the month. I shall leave a bottle of elixir for you to continue lowering the dose until you are done with the treatment. I trust you will not abuse the remaining potion and will measure your dosage carefully. If you doubt anything I've said in this letter, you can ask Draco for a more detailed explanation. He knows more about me than anyone living. If I cannot find you out walking in the morning, I shall give this letter to him. You will not see me again at the house.
Sincerely,
Severus
Hermione stopped walking as she read and was now sitting on a tree stump near the path, utterly wretched. At first, as she began reading, she remained convinced that no excuse he might offer would be convincing. He did not feel ashamed of his treatment of Neville and Harry, as if putting the blame for it on Dumbledore absolved him of anything! How could he not see that the problem wasn't just that he'd done it, but that he viewed it as a necessary evil rather than a tragedy? He might as well have written, "and I'd do it all again".
Hermione did not want to believe that Dumbledore was behind Snape's awful behavior. Surely this was a misdirection – Snape might not have singled out Harry and Neville without prompting, but he'd been known to be unpleasant and unyielding even before they came to Hogwarts. He simply could not blame all of his poor behavior on Dumbledore. She read the parts about Neville and Harry over a few times, becoming more agitated with each read. The sentence that particularly bothered her was his admission that he'd believed she had worked out why he'd been such an arse as their professor. What a surprise it must have been to hear her raise such complaints, if that was true!
She began to walk back in the direction of the house, still pondering her memories of her school days with Harry. Hermione knew better than anyone how stubborn and reckless Harry could be. He had a good heart but he often went about things in the most idiotic way imaginable. It must have been maddening for Snape to try to keep up with him and protect him from harm – if he did end up hating Harry it wouldn't be surprising. Hermione began to feel sorry for all the times she'd helped Harry investigate something he should have left to the adults. Yet, it seemed Dumbledore was also working against Snape, encouraging Harry to take matters into his own hands from afar. Snape probably regretted agreeing to protect him once he realized what was going on – that he was Dumbledore's backup plan when Harry got himself in over his head.
Though she did not want to believe it, Hermione had to remember that after seeing his memories Harry had forgiven Snape. Why was she finding it so hard to do the same?
Perhaps because, unlike Harry, she'd met the man since the war and had seen little difference in his demeanor. It now seemed that her impression of him as a cold, unpleasant recluse was based on a prejudiced view of him. This impression was further skewed by the fact that, apparently, he'd been harboring a growing attraction to her that he was desperate to hide. Perhaps if he had not been so mortified by his feelings for a former student, Hermione might have seen a different side of him.
Then, the memory of their awkward waltz in the ballroom came back to her. How had she pushed that aside so easily? Why else would he do such a thing, unless it was an attempt to get to know her more intimately? Had he watched and waited for her to sneak into the ballroom in order to make up for not dancing with her at Astoria's birthday dinner? That was not something a man with no heart would do.
How terribly she'd treated him! Abusing him to his face so unfairly, in such a vulnerable moment after confessing his feelings! She was ashamed and afraid to go back in the house. The possibility of seeing him again seemed too great, though he'd promised she would not.
Hermione's mind focused with uncomfortable precision now on her own actions. She'd been convinced that nothing in her behavior could possibly be interpreted as interest on her part. However, now that she let go of the feelings of annoyance and frustration that colored every interaction with him, she realized why those negative feelings had been present in the first place. She had come to Malfoy Manor hoping to make a friend of Severus Snape, hoping that he would apologize for ignoring her brilliance as a student and invite her to help with his research. She'd hoped to be flattered, as he'd guessed. Vanity had made her attribute negativity to his intentions. She'd wanted him to think she was special and when he treated her like any other former student she'd been offended. How embarrassing.
Now she could see that her desire for approval might have come across as romantic interest, and then she'd agreed to come live in the manor with him! He must have thought her comments intended to skewer him for his rudeness were an attempt at banter. Were Draco and Astoria aware of Snape's feelings? Had they invited her to the house in an attempt to bring the two of them together? Nothing seemed impossible to Hermione anymore. Draco had a lot of explaining to do.
As promised, Snape stayed out of her sight until the day Draco informed her that he had gone.
"You don't look surprised. I suppose he told you he was leaving."
"Yes. When did you find out?" Hermione asked cautiously.
"A week ago. I tried to stop him, but he said he can't stay in this enormous house any longer. He has a cottage somewhere undisclosed. He says not to worry, that he'll come back to visit once he's settled there."
Draco's entire demeanor seemed depressed, which worried Hermione. Astoria needed her husband to be strong for her more than ever. The baby could come any day and her health was deteriorating. If she did not go into labor soon, the Healers would induce her.
"Did he say why he can't stay?" Hermione asked.
"No. You know how he is. If he's made up his mind about something there's not much in the world that will change it. I suppose he's not interested in staying once the baby comes. He's not the best with children. I doubt he's ever seen a baby in real life."
Draco smiled a little and Hermione did as well.
"Let's have a drink and a chat this evening," Hermione suggested. "We haven't had a good talk in a while."
"I know. I think Severus is rubbing off on you, with all the work you've been doing lately in that lab," Draco said.
Hermione nodded. Severus had cleared out his materials and research the day after handing her that letter. She did not how he'd spent his days leading up to his departure from the manor, but he had not been brewing. He left a note on the door to the work room that said, the space is yours now.
"Somebody has to use that wonderful work room," she said. "Now that Snape is gone I suppose it will be me."
"I'm going to miss that bastard," Draco said. "I don't understand why he'd rather live in a tiny cottage than here with us. You like it here, don't you?"
"I do," Hermione said. It was true, but like Snape she also felt that she could not stay here forever. She could not put a finger on why.
Draco poured them glasses of Firewhiskey and they sat by the living room fire in matching wingback chairs sipping in silence for a while, each lost in their thoughts.
"Draco, there is something I should tell you," Hermione said.
She paused and gathered the courage to say more.
"Go on, then."
"I know Snape was planning to leave soon anyway," she said. "However, I think I'm the reason he left so suddenly. It's not about the baby."
"I'm not sure I follow, Hermione. What could you have done to make him leave without warning?"
She put down her glass and rubbed her face in shame.
"He wanted me to go with him... because he has feelings for me... and I rejected him. What's more, I said some horribly unfair things about his character."
Draco did not react except to slowly lift his glass to his lips. Hermione sipped hers with a flushed face, recalling the incident in question.
"He admitted he has feelings for you?" he finally asked.
"Is that so hard to believe?"
"I can't believe he admitted it to himself, let alone to you."
"Did you think he liked me?" she asked curiously.
"Not to such a degree, no. It was clear he liked having you here. I thought he considered you a friend, which is a rare thing. He doesn't really see the point in friendships, after all those years as a spy. I don't think he knows how to have a proper one."
Draco stared into the fire, thoughtfully swirling his half-empty glass.
"I was so surprised. I genuinely thought he disliked me and found me an annoyance," Hermione said.
Draco chuckled at that and drank again.
"Of course you did. Let me guess, he had no inkling that was your impression of him?"
"No. Oh, this is mortifying!" Hermione cried.
She downed the rest of her glass. Draco helpfully filled it again.
"For him more than for you, I'd say."
"I know. I can't blame him for getting the hell out of here immediately. I wish I had a Time Turner to go back and fix this somehow."
"What would you do? Accept his offer and leave with him?"
"No, I couldn't do that, but I'd turn him down more gracefully," she said.
"Perhaps by the third or fourth time a wizard proposes you'll get it right," Draco teased.
"It wasn't a proposal."
"It may as well have been for him," said Draco.
"Oh, you're making it worse!"
"Apologies."
Again, they drank in silence.
"What are you going to do?" Draco asked.
"I am going to wish him well and hope I never see him again," Hermione said.
Draco was still swirling his glass. He stopped and looked at her.
"That's the best your Gryffindor courage can come up with?"
"The older I get the more certain I am that I should have been in Ravenclaw. Perhaps even Hufflepuff," Hermione retorted.
"Not Hufflepuff!" Draco laughed.
Astoria's labor was a harrowing event. Two days after Hermione's chat with Draco by the fire, she went into labor. Almost 72 hours later, baby Scorpius was finally welcomed into the world. Hermione was astonished that the magical world seemed to have less effective methods of facilitating birth than the Muggles. Childbirth in both worlds was a risky undertaking in the best of circumstances.
Astoria was so weak after the birth that she required a month in St. Mungo's. It was determined that something was causing magical depletion but the cause remained unknown.
"It's the family curse," Astoria feverishly insisted. "There's one every generation."
Draco brought in a curse specialist to analyze her aura and her blood but they found nothing. Hermione wondered if the 'family curse' was a generic disorder that a Muggle doctor might be able to identify. Astoria would not hear of visiting a Muggle hospital, though.
"They're butchers," she whispered. "They'll cut me up. No, I won't go. Don't make me, darling."
"I won't," Draco said.
The baby stayed at St. Mungo's with his mother until it was time for her to come home. Draco introduced little Scorpius to the house-elves, who would be assisting with the care of both mother and baby. Even so, Draco also hired a nanny, an older, stern-looking witch who had been Astoria and her sister Daphne's nanny. Her name was Glennah Godfrey.
Hermione stayed out of the way as the family settled into a routine and welcomed Astoria's relatives to the manor. However, Draco insisted that she have dinner with everyone on the last night of their stay.
At dinner, Hermione barely spoke and observed the family as they bragged about Daphne's accomplishments, repeatedly declared Scorpius the most adorable Malfoy to ever exist, and complimented Astoria on how well she had recovered. Hermione suspected that most of her healthy looks were due to magic rather than actual good health.
After dinner, Mrs. Godfrey sat next to Astoria with Scorpius so that the family could coo over him one last time. Then, she took the baby away and put him down for an evening nap.
"I can't wait to have a sweet little son like yours, Tori," said Daphne.
Daphne was recently engaged. Her wedding would be in the spring, a few weeks after Harry and Ginny's.
"I've never loved anything more than my Scorpius," Astoria said. "I want him to have a sister. Everyone should have a sister."
Daphne agreed. Mr. and Mrs. Greengrass expressed their excitement to spoil many more future grandchildren.
When there was a lull in the conversation, they seemed to finally notice that Hermione was still present.
"Hermione, it's so good to see you," said Daphne, for the second time that evening. "When Astoria told me you were living here I said how wonderful it was for her to have a friend under her roof. They are so far from London out here. It must be a big change for you, moving to the country."
"It was, but I don't miss the city," Hermione said.
"No, I suppose you wouldn't. Do you know, I saw Ginny Weasley in Diagon Alley, having her wedding robes fitted. I'm surprised she waited so long. I was so excited I got mine the week after the engagement!"
"Oh? How was she?" asked Hermione.
"She looked good. I suppose she's having an outdoor wedding?"
"I think so," Hermione said.
"I thought so too, judging by the style of her dress robe," Daphne said haughtily.
Hermione greatly preferred the younger of the Greengrass sisters. Astoria was far sweeter and kind, even if she was spoiled.
"You know, I was always so envious of all the Weasleys' hair," said Astoria. "Wouldn't it be so fun to have red hair?"
"It's really more orange than red," sniffed Daphne.
Hermione sat trying to think of a reason to excuse herself for the night. Thankfully, Draco came through with an excuse for her.
He stood and invited Mr. Greengrass to join him in the library.
"Oh, Hermione... I found a book I think you may be able to use in your research."
"That's great news," Hermione said. "If you ladies will excuse me, I'd like to read over it tonight."
If Mr. Greengrass was surprised that Hermione joined the men in the library and did not come in to collect a book at all, he did not show it. Draco poured her a glass of spirits as well. She sat for a while listening to the two wizards discuss whether Malfoy Manor should keep a stable again, and the benefit it would bring Astoria and the children.
"I don't know if Astoria is strong enough to take up riding again," Draco said. "She sometimes struggles to walk down a flight of stairs."
He was worried. Astoria wanted more children, but she'd nearly died with Scorpius.
"There must be some spells that could help her get back into it again," Hermione said. "Sticking Charms, perhaps?"
"Perhaps," Draco said.
Hermione was cured. She had not taken Elixir of Elabum in two months, and yet none of her previous symptoms returned. She wondered if Severus was experiencing a similarly successful recovery. He ought to be coming off of the treatment soon as well. She longed to write to him and ask after his health, but she did not dare. She wasn't sure whether she was more worried the letter would be returned or whether he would receive it. Even Draco did not know where he was living, nor when he would finally come visit his the family's newest member.
Neville and Luna, who had eloped and spent a month traveling in the Mediterranean, were back in London. Hermione's first visit with them happened to fall the week before Christmas. Luna had decorated the house, which was a severe old victorian home in a significant state of disrepair. Augusta Longbottom typically set up a tree with white lights and the same handful of antique ornaments that she'd been using since her childhood.
The tree was still there, as usual, but the rest of the house was now covered from the eaves to the foundation in multi-colored lights. Luna must have used extensive Charm-work to get the light strands to so neatly line each window pane inside and out, the entire roofline, the chimney, the shutters, and the woodwork around the front door. Inside the house, every wall and surface was covered in fluffy garlands in lurid colors, many of which did not seem to have anything to do with the holiday in question. Bright pinks, oranges, and purples were mixed in with the more traditional red, green, and light blue decorations.
"Gran hates it," Neville whispered with a mischievous smile as they walked inside.
Hermione tried to imagine how much Augusta Longbottom must hate Luna, and she was not sure she could.
"Where is your gran?"
"Oh, she's out for tea with her friends this afternoon."
Thank Merlin, Hermione thought.
"Hermione! Welcome!" cried Luna, throwing her arms in the air in excitement.
The large number of brightly colored plastic bracelets on her arms slid down past her elbows, and she took a moment to shake them all back into place before she hugged Hermione.
"You look so beautiful today," Luna said, her large eyes scanning Hermione's face.
"Oh thank you," Hermione said. "I love your earrings."
Luna was wearing two large glittery gift bows as earrings, one green, one pink. She smiled.
"I made them myself. Christmas is so much fun. I have to go over tomorrow and decorate the house for poor father. He doesn't know what to do without me."
"Will he be visiting London for the holidays?" Hermione wondered.
"Oh, yes. He'll be here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He says that's all, but I think we can convince him to stay longer."
Hermione tried to imagine Mr. Lovegood and Mrs. Longbottom residing under the same roof, and what arguments might ensure, and she simply could not do it. It was a level of chaotic energy she could not fathom.
"Well, that sounds like fun," she said.
"We're so excited," Luna said, putting her arm around Neville and resting her head on his shoulder.
"How were your travels?" Hermione asked.
"Great," said Neville.
He looked down at Luna and smiled at the top of her head. She squeezed him and looked up for a kiss.
"The two of you are just adorable," Hermione said. "I'm so happy for you."
"Thank you. We are very happy. It's going to be the happiest of Christmases," said Luna. "Did Neville tell you? He's got a new job."
"Oh?" asked Hermione. "What's this?"
Luna gave Neville an expectant look.
"Tell her, Nev!"
"I'm going to be a Hogwarts professor," Neville said, grinning. "Professor Sprout has decided to retire after this year and she recommended me as her replacement."
"Neville, that's amazing! Wow. My friend, a Hogwarts professor," said Hermione. "You'll be the youngest member of the faculty."
"I can't wait to get back into those greenhouses," he said. "It's such a big responsibility. I am honored Sprout thought of me first."
"She did say you were her best student," Hermione reminded him.
"I just assumed she said that to everyone," Neville said, shrugging.
Hermione laughed.
Luna was tidying up the room as they talked, using her wand to add more tinsel and shimmering lights to the knick knacks as she went.
"Oh! Neville, look. Here's a stack of mail for us. I suppose your gran forgot about it. I'm glad we went Unplottable for our trip... look at all of this we have to sort through!"
She began rifling through the stack of magazines, holiday cards, and letters. Suddenly, she gasped.
"Nev, here."
Neville took a letter from her and read the address.
"Hermione, I think this is from Snape!"
"What?"
The air seemed to leave the room. Hermione stared at the script on the letter. There was no return address but a Hogwarts student would recognize the former Potions professor's spiky handwriting anywhere.
Neville opened the letter while Luna and Hermione looked on.
"It is from Snape," he said, his hand shaking.
He began reading it silently, holding it in two hands to stop the shaking. After a minute, he sank down into a nearby chair, blinking rapidly.
"He writes to apologize for how he treated me in school," Neville said in amazement. "I can hardly believe it. I never would have thought... an apology from Snape."
He sniffed and said, "Anyway, he also writes to inform me that he has completed a successful trial of treatment for Post Cruciatus Curse Syndrome. If all goes as planned, he hopes my parents will be some of the first recipients of the treatment. And he wishes Luna and I a very Happy Christimas."
Hermione was crying now as well. Only Luna remained dry-eyed.
"It's a Christmas miracle," Neville said, with a little laugh.
Hermione gave him a hug.
"This is great news," she said. "I hope the treatment helps them."
"Me too," said Neville, folding the letter almost reverently.
Hermione's thoughts were barely collected for the rest of her visit with Neville and Luna. They exchanged gifts, ate too many sweets, shared mulled wine, and even convinced his gran to sing carols with them when she arrived home to find three happy drunks sitting in her living room. Hermione ended up staying the night and Apparating home early the next morning.
"Wild party at Neville's place?" Draco asked, when she got back.
"It was an interesting evening, to be sure," Hermione said.
"Have you got something to wear for our Christmas party yet?" Draco asked. "As I recall, you told Astoria you wanted a ball gown."
"I did. No, I haven't got a ball gown yet."
"Wonderful. I was hoping you'd say that. What do you say to taking Astoria into London tomorrow for a shopping day? She said I am not allowed to come along, since she needs to pick up my gift."
Hermione agreed, on the condition that Astoria wear Muggle clothes.
"I'm going to get my dress from a Muggle shop, Draco. She can't go in there wearing a robe."
The outing was a success. Astoria was in high spirits and was curious about the Muggle dress shops. She'd spent a while trying to memorize the Muggle currency before they left. Hermione hoped she'd brought enough – it was money her parents had wanted her to spend on a new clothes for her first job. Hermione had never gotten around to purchasing a new wardrobe for her Ministry job, and now she did not need to.
Hermione and Astoria went to three dress shops before they found the perfect gown. Astoria tried on at least ten gowns, despite having no intention of purchasing anything. Hermione's final choice was a black and gold strapless gown with a black velvet bodice trimmed in black sparkling lace, and a gathered floor length gold tulle skirt. Layers of gold tulle were topped with a layer of sheer black, giving it a luminous effect and creating glorious movement as she spun in place.
"Oh, you must let me borrow it sometime," Astoria said. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The Muggles make such wonderful costumes."
Thankfully, they were walking outside when she said this, and Hermione giggled.
"Don't let them hear you call it a costume," she whispered.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be insulting," Astoria said. "I really do love their clothes."
Harry and Ginny were invited to Malfoy Manor for the Christmas party. Hermione did not expect them to accept the invitation – not only because they were invited to too many holiday parties to count every year but also because Harry was always adamant that they spend the week of Christmas and the week after at the Burrow.
However, Draco casually informed her that the Potters would be in attendance this year. This prompted Hermione to write to Harry for the first time in months.
Harry,
I heard you'll be at Draco's for the Christmas party. I hope all is going well with you and Ginny. It will be nice to see you again. Perhaps after the holidays we can get together and talk about things.
Cheers,
Hermione
A reply came a few days later:
Hermione,
We would love to see you after Christmas. We're not holding our usual New Year's party at the house this year. You should come over and have a quiet celebration with us.
Love,
Harry
Something was up with Harry and Ginny. Their New Year's party at Grimmauld Place was a beloved and raucous tradition. Harry would not give that up for no reason.
However, as puzzling as Harry and Ginny were, Hermione's mind was occupied with one question in the days leading up to Christmas. Would Severus visit the manor for the holidays? He'd never attend the party, but what about Christmas Eve? It would be just the family here that day. Surely he would come. She knew Draco was writing to him and had received at least one reply.
The night of the party, Hermione felt a bit silly dressing up in her ball gown. It was sure to shock all of the pureblooded guests. Dress robes rarely bared the entire shoulder, and typically included a cape. Hermione put her hair into a high mass of curls and applied a bit of spellwork to her face. She lamented that she had not thought to purchase a pair of long gloves to complete her ensemble.
Hermione had never seen the ballroom so full of people before. She did not know most of the faces in the crowd. Many were connections at the Ministry Draco had manged to make over the past few years. It seemed that the glamour of a Malfoy Manor ball could still draw a crowd, even though the family name had fallen out of favor since the war.
Harry and Ginny caused a commotion when they walked in, a mob quickly forming to speak to them and shake Harry's hand. Hermione knew Harry hated the attention and would much prefer to be at the Burrow drinking butterbeer and eating Molly's sweets. Why had he come?
Ginny managed to break Harry away from the mob and lead him over to Hermione.
"There you are," Ginny said. "Hermione, we've missed you."
The two witches hugged and then Hermione hugged Harry.
"I never thought I'd see the two of you here," she said. "Welcome to my temporary home."
Harry and Ginny looked uncomfortable at the thought of Hermione living at Malfoy Manor.
"About that, Hermione. Exactly how long have you been living here?" Harry asked curiously. "We had no idea until Draco told us."
"It's been about six months, I think," Hermione said. "No, seven."
"Then, you must like it here," Ginny said, a skeptical look on her face.
"We thought you'd gone to live with your parents in Australia," Harry said. "The last we heard, you said you were leaving London and rethinking some things."
"I did consider Australia," Hermione said. "This is far more convenient. International travel is a pain, even with magic."
"Your dress is beautiful," Ginny said. "I bet nobody's ever worn a Muggle dress in this ballroom before."
"Thank you."
Before the silence could make things too awkward, Hermione asked, "So, why aren't the two of you at the Burrow this year?"
Ginny and Harry looked at each as if trying to communicate via thought how much to say aloud.
"Things are a bit tense at home right now," Ginny said. "We'll still be going over later in the week."
"Besides, once we found out you were here, we wanted to come. We hate how things turned out, Hermione. We're really sorry," said Harry.
Hermione smiled and patted his arm.
"Let's talk about it later, Harry," she said. "Tonight we shall just enjoy the festivities."
Draco and Astoria had outdone themselves with the holiday decorations, which rivaled anything Hermione had seen at Hogwarts. There were numerous snow-covered trees alight with charmed candles, all Draco's handiwork. Charmed snow fell from the ceiling and disappeared upon hitting the floor, and holly was artfully arranged in every possible nook and cranny, as well as in the centerpieces on the tables. A pianist played music as cocktails were served, and on the opposite end of the room the rest of the musicians stood drinking and joking with one another as they waited to begin their set.
Harry and Ginny were seated with Hermione at the hosts' table. Thankfully, neither Draco nor Harry decided to argue this evening. Astoria and Ginny kept the conversation light and easy, and Hermione sat thinking of how much she wished Severus could be a part of the celebration.
When it came time for dancing, her friends swept their partners off their feet and expertly around the room. Harry had been taking lessons in preparation for his wedding and though he was not as good as Draco, he had just as much charisma. Other guests looked on and cheered whenever one of the couples dipped or performed a particularly fast turn. Soon the floor was filled with gently swaying couples, drawn into each other's arms by the first slow tune the band played.
Hermione was jealous of them all. She stood holding a cocktail in her enormous ball gown, wishing she had a dance partner and trying not to feel too sorry for herself. It was only a dance. Nothing to cry about.
"It's a shame to see such a beautiful witch here without a date," said a voice.
An unfamiliar wizard stood beside her. He was dressed in a smart robe with crisp white accents and had long, dark hair.
"Would you like to dance?" he asked.
Hermione blushed and accepted. He led her out to the dance floor just as a waltz began. He was an adequate dancer, though not as bold as Harry or as graceful as Draco.
"Your outfit is unusual," remarked the wizard. "But very beautiful."
"Thank you," she said. "It's called a ball gown. It's a Muggle fashion."
"I see," the wizard said. "Are you Muggle-born, then?"
"I am. Is that a problem?" Hermione asked.
"No, not at all. I am glad the younger Malfoys are more accepting than previous generations. How do you know the family?"
"Oh, Draco and I go way back," Hermione said, smiling. "We're all old school mates."
"Indeed?"
Hermione wondered who this man was that he had not yet recognized her – unless he'd been out of the country for the past six years, he should have seen her face plastered on the newspapers before.
"It's my turn to ask a question," she said. "What's your name?"
"You can call me John," he said evasively.
"Hmm. And how do you know the family?"
"I don't. My cousin works at the Ministry. She brought me as her date," he said.
"Shouldn't you be dancing with her, then?" Hermione teased.
"My cousin? No, she hates dancing. I'm not entirely sure why she accepted the invitation."
After a moment of silence, Hermione said, "You haven't asked my name."
"Nevertheless, I have worked out what it must be," he said, smiling. "Miss Granger."
She did not like that one bit.
"Call me Hermione," she said graciously.
"Hermione."
The music ended and the band struck up a livelier tune. 'John' bowed to her and stepped away.
"It was nice meeting you, Hermione," he said.
She stood watching as he disappeared into the flurry of dancing couples.
"Wait!" she said, hurrying after him. He walked incredibly fast.
"Er – John?" she caught up and touched his arm. "Will your cousin be upset if I steal you for another dance later?"
He checked his watch.
"We have to leave the party early, I'm afraid," he said. "Otherwise, I would oblige."
"Oh. Right. Well... it was nice to meet you. Erm, Happy Christmas."
He seemed torn. He looked around the room and checked his watch once more.
"I think she must have gone to the loo," he said. "I may have time for one more dance."
"Oh, please don't feel obligated. I don't want to impose..."
He smiled and took her hand.
"It is no imposition."
The next song was another slow number. Hermione suddenly felt awkward, to be dancing so intimately with a stranger. Her reservations vanished when he dipped her and they earned their own applause and a whistle from a group of older witches seated nearby.
Just before the song ended, he inhaled sharply and raised her hand to his lips.
"Farewell, Hermione."
He slipped away between the swaying couples and Hermione quickly lost sight of him in the dark room, the falling illusion snow impairing her vision.
Should I chase him down the front steps like Cinderella? Hermione wondered to herself with a smile. What a strange night.
Snape did not come to Malfoy Manor for the holidays. Draco relayed that he sent a card and wished everyone at the manor a Happy Christmas. Hermione tried to temper her disappointment and shame. It was her fault that Snape would not come see Draco and meet Scorpius. She was sure that if she were not living at the manor he would have come by now. Her presence here was destroying one of Draco's few good friendships. With this in mind, Hermione made it her New Year's resolution to find a new job and leave Malfoy Manor.
She began applying to Magical Law programs. If she was lucky, they would offer her a paid internship. She may have to take on a roommate, but at least she could start making her own way in the world again. Living off of the Malfoy estate was making her forget how much work there was to do in the real world. It was like traveling back in time or going to Narnia.
Before the work began of extracting herself from the manor, Hermione had to go see Harry and Ginny. On New Year's Eve, she Apparated to Grimmauld Place, where Harry had resided since the war ended. In truth, he spent nearly as much time at the Burrrow as his own home. Hermione knocked on the door and the next moment it opened to reveal a smiling Ginny.
"Happy New Year, Hermione!"
Hermione returned the sentiment as she was enveloped in a hug. Harry stepped into view holding a plate of chips smothered in cheese and hot sauce.
"Eating already, Harry?" Hermione asked.
"More like 'still eating'," Ginny said. "I've been cooking all day and he's been grazing all day."
"I hope you aren't preparing a feast for just the three of us," Hermione said.
"She did," Harry tattled. "It's tradition, Hermione. Whatever we don't eat will keep. I'm not complaining."
"Harry says it isn't New Years without the food, so I made the food," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "Fix yourself a plate, Hermione. Then, we'll talk."
The kitchen table was covered in a full spread of party food and desserts. There was a keg on the counter as well. Once their stomachs were full and they each had a drink in hand, they went to the living room and made themselves comfortable.
"So, what's going on?" Hermione asked. "Why no party this year?"
"It's all Ron's fault," Harry said flatly.
"Harry – " Ginny said wearily.
So Harry and Ron had a fight, thought Hermione.
"Where to begin? All right, so after you turned down Ron's proposal he was..."
"A drunk," Harry supplied.
"He didn't take it well," Ginny said. "Naturally. Yes, he was drinking too much. So much that Mum and Dad kicked him out of the house. So, he came to live with us."
"It was a bad idea. I recognize that now," Harry said. "Ginny was right."
"Of course I was," Ginny said. "Ron needed help but he wouldn't get it. We were constantly having rows, me and Ron, Harry and Ron, me and Harry... it was a nightmare. He was suspended from his job and had to agree to go to St. Mungo's for detox treatments before he was allowed back. Harry managed to keep all of that hushed up but it cost us."
"She means I had to bribe people," Harry said helpfully.
"Bloody hell, Harry!" said Ginny.
"It's just Hermione, she's not going to tell anyone!"
"Right. So, that's what happened. Ron's back at home with Mum and Dad. He's still pissed at us for kicking him out when he refused to get treatment. He doesn't know Harry saved his arse at work. His career would be over if not for us."
"So we weren't too keen on celebrating this year," Harry concluded.
"I'm sorry we didn't write much, or try to find you sooner," Ginny said. "At first, I was angry and I suppose I sort of blamed you for making Ron this way... but it wasn't your fault. You must have been holding Ron together for a long time and when you left he fell apart. It wasn't fair to expect you to fix him. Now that I've seen this side of him, I understand why you couldn't marry him."
She sighed and said, "Then we were living with him and it was such a mess. We didn't want to air the dirty laundry to you or anyone else."
"I feel horrible," Hermione said. "I knew Ron drank a little too much a little too often, but I never would have imagined him like this, spiraling. I figured he'd be dating someone else within a month."
Ginny glanced at Harry.
"Well..."
"He did have a rebound," Ginny said. "One of Fleur's friends. Thankfully, it was at the beginning and she didn't see him at his worst."
Hermione only nodded and sipped her drink.
"There's something else," said Ginny.
"Oh, no," Hermione said, closing her eyes as she waited for the next bit of bad news.
"No, it isn't bad. Last week we got a letter... from Severus Snape."
"What did it say?" Hermione asked, opening her eyes and sitting up straight.
"Somehow, he knew about Ron's, er, problem with alcohol. He wrote to offer us a solution – one that isn't strictly legal, but he said would be highly effective."
"And?"
"We accepted his help, of course," Ginny said. "He then showed up on our doorstep with a vial of potion. He did not tell us what it's called, only that if we dose him with it daily it will cause him to be violently ill the moment alcohol touches his lips. The only problem now is we have to either convince Mum to give him a mystery potion or we have to convince Ron to live here again."
"Just tell Molly it's a treatment recommended by St. Mungo's that Ron refused to take," Hermione said.
"Yeah, maybe. I don't think I can live with Ron again."
Hermione left Grimmauld Place in low spirits. Not only because of Ron, but because Snape had been in London during the holidays. Clearly he was willing to travel and even be seen by the people he'd been so careful to avoid for years... but he was still unwilling to see her. She was glad he had finally gotten over his apprehensions regarding Harry. Perhaps one day soon Harry would get the chance to sit down and talk with Snape about his mother, as he'd been wishing to do since seeing Snape's memories.
The dark winter months brought no more news of Snape, but Hermione's life moved on. She was accepted into every program to which she applied, and all but one would pay her for an internship as well. She had only to make a decision on whether she'd prefer to stay in London, where two were located, or move to Edinburgh. In the end, she decided to stick with London, where any connections she made would more likely lead to a job later on.
Her new job would not begin until March, so there was nothing to do but remain at Malfoy Manor until the spring. Draco continued to insist she need not leave just to complete her internship and studies.
"Draco, the sooner I leave, the sooner Severus will start coming round again. I hate that he's staying away because of me."
"He'll get over it eventually," Draco said. "If you ask me he should have already."
In the flurry of excitement leading up to the Potter-Weasley wedding, Ron yet again managed to make himself a problem. Hermione received a letter from Ginny that only said:
Ron's knocked up a Muggle. Come to Grimmauld Place immediately.
Hermione was not entirely sure what Ginny wanted her to do about the situation. Nevertheless, she went to see Ginny that afternoon.
"Hermione! Thank god," said Ginny, opening the door. "I need to talk to someone about this and Harry's sick of hearing about Ron."
"Did Molly ever try that potion from Snape on him?" Hermione wondered.
"What? Oh, yes. She did, and it worked wonderfully. Though it seems that since Ron couldn't get into trouble by drinking he decided to find other ways."
Hermione sat down and took the cup of tea Ginny handed her gratefully.
"I'm sorry, but Ginny, why is this such a big deal?" asked Hermione.
"Because, Hermione! My parents don't know how to talk to Muggles, and this girl's family wants to meet them. Ron hasn't... Merlin help me... Ron's an idiot and hasn't told the girl he's a wizard!"
"But surely he's going to now," Hermione said.
"No, nothing is sure when it comes to Ron," Ginny said. "He's panicking. Mum is furious. Dad is ecstatic, of course. He can't wait to have Muggles in the family. You know how he was with your parents, Hermione. They'll think he's bonkers."
"Well..." Hermione could not disagree.
"Do you think you could, I dunno, coach them or something? Make them seem normal to their future in-laws?"
"So, he's going to marry her?"
"Well, of course he'll have to marry her. Bastard children aren't accepted in our world, Hermione. We're not as... willy-nilly with becoming parents as Muggles. It's a huge responsibility."
"Wow, okay," Hermione decided to unpack most of what Ginny had just said later. "How long has he been with this girl?"
Ginny covered her face and mumbled, "About two months."
"Does she even want to get married?"
"Hermione, I told you, they have to get married," Ginny said, giving her a puzzled look. "If the kid ends up with magic it will need a proper home."
Hermione took a deep breath.
"All right. I think, perhaps, your parents should simply wait to meet her and her family. Let Ron and his girl figure out what they want to do and... go from there," she suggested. "Certainly, they need to wait until Ron's told her that he's a wizard."
"Oh, this is awful," Ginny proclaimed.
"Have you met her?"
"Nobody has. Ron just told Mum this morning."
Hermione left a somewhat calmer Ginny an hour later and returned to Malfoy Manor to share the story with Draco, who found it infinitely amusing.
"You dodged a bullet with that one, Granger," he said.
Hermione had to agree.
A few days later, Hermione was reading in the conservatory when Dilly appeared with a pop directly in front of her and said, "Miss Granger has a visitor. Shall I bring them here, miss?"
"Who is it?" Hermione asked.
A muffled commotion interrupted the elf's answer, coming from the other side of the glass doors. Hermione looked over to see a familiar head of red hair rush toward the conservatory.
"HERMIONE? HERMIONE?"
Ginny caught sight of Hermione through the doors and burst through, a house-elf named Ash trailing behind her, politely begging her to wait to be announced and waving his arms in frustration.
"Hermione!"
"Ginny! What are you doing here? You're..."
Hermione laughed despite herself.
"You're upsetting the house-elves. Dilly, Ash, it's all right. You may leave us."
"HERMIONE!" Ginny exploded, causing Hermione to start and stand up. This seemed like a conversation that could not be had sitting down.
"What, Ginny?"
Hermione caught sight of Draco in the hall outside the doors, no doubt coming to see who the crazed intruder was that had just terrorized the elves. Bollocks. He saw them and was coming through the doors now.
"Hermione, are you or are you not romantically involved with Severus Snape?"
If her heart was still beating, Hermione was not aware of it. She gaped at Ginny, then laughed.
"I am not."
Ginny folded her arms. Draco seemed to have realized he should stay out of her line of sight, and had frozen a short distance away.
"Then please explain why Ron seems to think that you are."
There was a strange look on Draco's face that probably mirrored Hermione's look of mixed confusion and horror.
"I... could not say why Ron would think such a thing," Hermione answered honestly.
"So you don't know that Snape has been to see Ron?"
"What? Why?" Hermione asked, truly puzzled by this turn of events.
"Well, somehow he discovered Ron's predicament and decided to pay him a visit to shame him into telling the poor girl immediately that he is a wizard. He even offered him a dose of Calming Draught formulated to work on Muggles, and told him to wait ten minutes to be sure it had taken effect. You see, Snape's father was a Muggle and his mother hid her magic from him before they were married. It was one of the reasons his father was so awful to him – he hated magic. It caused enormous problems in the marriage."
"I see," Hermione said. "But I didn't tell him about Ron. I haven't spoken to Snape since – "
"Ah! So you have been hiding Snape from us!" Ginny said, pointing at her triumphantly.
"Only because he made me promise I would," Hermione said. "Not because we're involved."
"Clearly, there is something going on between you. He told Ron that he should have more respect for Muggles after dating the daughter of two Muggle parents."
"That doesn't mean anything," Hermione said dismissively.
"He also said that he sincerely hopes he will find Ron a respectable acquaintance, should they ever be forced to socialize in the future."
"Well, that's just..." Hermione trailed off, unable to think of an excuse.
"Hermione Granger, tell me right now, do you want to date Severus Snape?" asked Ginny.
"I..."
Hermione glanced at Draco, who was grinning maniacally. He was never going to let her hear the end of this.
"No, I don't want to date him," she said. It wasn't a lie – she did not think such a flimsy label as date would apply to what she hoped might still be possible.
"Can you imagine Snape out on a date?" Hermione asked, trying to lighten the mood with a little laugh. Ginny was not having it.
"Fine. Do you have feelings for Severus Snape? And does he share these feelings?"
"I could not possibly know what feelings the man has," Hermione said. "I haven't spoken to him in six months."
"Ah, now we're getting somewhere," said Ginny. "You didn't deny it. You fancy him. Perhaps you love him."
Draco had hidden himself somewhere in the foliage to continue eavesdropping. Hermione wished very much to be somewhere else.
"Ginny, as fun as this has been, I'm really not in the mood to discuss it further."
"I knew it! Merlin's bollocks, Hermione! Snape? Why?"
"I said, I won't discuss it, Ginny. Please, go home and tell Ron he'd better listen to Severus."
"SEVERUS?"
"Ginny. Goodbye. Don't make me call the house-elves to escort you out."
Naturally, Draco ribbed her mercilessly over the ordeal.
"He's out there setting Weasley straight for you? What the hell, Granger? You really haven't heard from him since he left the manor?"
"No," she said. "I am as surprised by all of this as you. Wait, are you surprised? He's written to you hasn't he? What do you know, Malfoy?"
"I know nothing, but you can bet I shall be writing a letter to him post-haste."
Hermione, instead of protesting, simply smiled.
"What, no argument from you?" Draco asked. "Shall I tell him you love him?"
"No, don't do that," Hermione said. "Simply relate the Ginny fiasco, if you must. Please don't make any claims about my affection."
"Oh, your affection," Draco teased.
"Draco, you're positively giddy," Hermione said. "One might think it's you who is in love."
"I just want to see my friends happy," he said. "When the two of you finally work this out I can stop watching you mope around my house."
"I won't be here much longer," she reminded him. "You know you'll miss me."
"Of course I will. I've done all I can to convince you to stay."
"I shall visit. I won't be like Severus and never come back," she said.
"You'll have to leave the ball gown here as collateral," he replied.
"Deal."
Hermione was floating around on the hope that Severus had forgiven her for the way she'd rejected him, and that he inexplicably still wanted to be with her. Draco sent his letter, but if he got a response, he did not mention it to Hermione.
The weather grew a bit warmer, and Hermione began taking more frequent long walks outdoors again. Harry and Ginny's wedding was next month. After that, she was invited to Daphne's, an event she was much less looking forward to, but at least Draco and Astoria would be there for company. She was trying very hard not to wonder if she would ever marry and if a ceremony was really worth all the bother, when a dark figure stepped out of the woods.
It was early morning, just before dawn. How long had he been waiting there in the dark for her to come by? Hermione smiled and her breath caught in her throat. What would she say? She stopped in the middle of the path and hugged herself.
"Severus."
He closed the rest of the distance with long, black-clad strides, his wool cloak rippling in the fragile morning light. A light fog remained in the shadow of the wooded path where they stood. It would soon be burned away by the sun.
"Miss Granger," he said.
"Please, call me Hermione. What are you doing here?"
"I am long overdue a visit, am I not?" he asked.
"Yes."
He lifted his hand, hesitated, then swept a curled strand of hair out of her face.
"I wanted to come sooner, but I had to be sure I was welcome."
Oh, no, she was not going to cry.
"You've been welcome back since the moment you left," she replied.
"Indeed?"
He stared at her, his face giving away nothing. Then, he stepped closer and touched her cheek. A tear leaked out of her left eye. He continued to stare at her and Hermione watched the moment his eyes softened.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"As am I," he replied. "Yet, your feelings for me are unchanged?"
"No, they are very much the opposite."
The corners of his mouth moved almost imperceptibly upward. If he had not been standing so close she would have missed it. Hermione stood on her tiptoes and gave him a chaste kiss on the mouth. Thankfully, he was not satisfied with this and after a moment kissed her back. She melted on the spot as the sun finally dissolved the shadows and mist around them. When she pulled away and opened her eyes, she had to squint at him.
"It's a long walk back to the house. Perhaps we should talk," Hermione said.
They began to slowly make their way toward the manor.
"First," she began. "I want to thank you on behalf of my friends, particularly Neville, and to tell you that I'm relieved to see you are no longer determined to spend the rest of your life in hiding. Though, I have to say it has been difficult these past months, to hear of you writing and meeting with my friends, when you had yet to make an appearance here. Why did you not come to Malfoy Manor for Draco's holiday festivities, when you paid Harry and Ginny a visit?"
"I am sorry to have disappointed you," he said. "However, I did, in fact, attend the Christmas party at Malfoy Manor. As you suggested a year or so ago, I attended in disguise."
"That was you! Did Draco know?" Hermione asked.
He shook his head, looking pleased with himself.
"Not a soul knew, but I thought you may suspect."
"I did not, but it seems obvious now," she said.
"If you thank me it must be only on your own behalf," he said. "I only wanted you to be happy, and giving Longbottom a little hope at Christmastime was not too much to ask. It is I who should thank you – for your rebuke of my character."
"You can't be serious. I was completely wrong."
"You had every reason to assume the things you did. I see that now, even though that realization took some time after I left the manor. I often forget, after spending my life as a spy, that most people are not trained in Legilimency. Though I lowered my mental defenses around you and felt completely exposed in every moment, you did not sense my moods or emotions. You saw only actions and words, and I controlled mine to such a degree you thought I detested your presence. It is tragically comical in retrospect."
"Yes, I did think you found me irritating at best," she admitted, laughing. "However, I also had a realization. You were right – I wanted you to flatter me. When I came first came here to see you, I was hoping to find somebody totally different than the professor I remembered. A part of me, which I would not acknowledge, expected you to apologize for ignoring me in class, when I was one of the best students in my year. I spent six years trying to win you over but the only attention you ever paid me was to shout at me for trying to help Neville. More than an apology, I suppose I wanted some kind of closure to all that happened. To hear your side of things. Yet, you refused to speak to me about anything personal. I was... offended. My pride was wounded and it made me assume unfair things about you as a result."
After a moment of silence, he said, "You weren't the best student in your year – you were the brightest student in the school, likely of all the students I've taught. Though it was given in a cruel manner, I did try to get you to apply that brilliance more efficiently from time to time."
"You mean, when you told me to stop hand-waving and let others answer? Or when you mocked me for memorizing the textbook?" she teased.
"Indeed, and the reason I could not allow you to help Longbottom was two-fold. One, if he could not learn it well enough to concoct a potion on his own then he did not deserve to pass the assignment. Moving on to more advanced work when he was not capable was dangerous – that is how students die in the potions lab. Two, as you know it was my directive to make him appear incompetent to his classmates and the Dark Lord. Furthermore, if it helps soothe your memories of potions class, once you became a close friend of Potter I also had to make sure you did not appear to be especially gifted."
"I was only teasing, Severus. I know what my faults were as as student. That's why those comments hurt so much – the criticism was accurate. It stung that I earned high marks in your class but never your praise."
He took her hand and said, "My silence was my approval. It was the most I felt able to do at the time."
"I understand" she said. "Anyway, my point, which I lost a while back, is that beneath all my frustration with you was an interest in knowing you better. So, you were not wrong to think I might return your feelings. Did you think when I came to live here that it was in the hope we would become closer?"
"I should not have presumed to know your intentions," he said in acknowledgement. "I was annoyed with you for coming to stay at the manor, for I was still determined at that time to never act on the attraction I found unacceptable. Please do not be insulted, Hermione. I am much older than you. It is not uncommon in the magical world for such age differences to exist between romantic partners, but I grew up as a Muggle, like you. I am sure you understand my reluctance. I no longer viewed you as a student. You do not much resemble the hand-waving girl who sat in my classes. You seemed a different person entirely. However, every now and then I'd remember that the witch sitting in my work room used to be Potter's little bookish friend and become mortified of my feelings."
"Yet, you finally overcame your embarrassment," she said.
"I decided it was worth it to at least try. I was prepared to be rejected, though with far less vehemence."
"Oh, don't remind me of what I said!"
"I look back on your reaction with fondness now," he insisted. "It made me finally commit to doing what I should have done years ago. Instead of reciting a litany of things I would do – reluctantly – in order for you to be happy with me, I should have done those things first and then approached you with my feelings."
"If you had done so I imagine my response would have been very different," she agreed.
After walking a few minutes in reflective silence, Hermione spoke.
"I assume you came back after receiving Draco's letter?"
"Yes, in which Ginny Weasley accused us of being romantically involved. Upon reading that you would not tell her you didn't love me, I found a reason to hope that we could at least become friends. If you were still angry with me you would have repeated your grievances to her and assured her as you once did me, that I am the last person you could love."
"That's not exactly what I said," Hermione corrected him. "Yet, after insulting you so profoundly to your face, you must have been surprised I said nothing of the sort to Ginny."
"You said nothing unjustified to my face, Hermione. It was my fault those misunderstandings occurred in the first place. If I had been open with you about the past from the start it would not have happened. To suddenly confess my attraction to you after such apparent indifference was nonsensical."
"We share the blame fairly equally," Hermione said. "However, it seems we've both learned from the experience."
"Yes. I spent much time especially focused on your words when you said, 'had you behaved in a more considerate manner'. Perhaps it seems trivial in comparison to the other accusations, but it tortured me the most. I could explain my behavior in the past to you but I could not argue against the point that I had been inconsiderate to you at every turn since you came to Malfoy Manor, even in the way I told you I cared for you. It was inexcusable."
"I did not think you'd take anything I said to heart as the words were leaving my lips," she confessed.
"Indeed. You thought me devoid of every proper feeling."
"A mistake I've regretted every day since," she said.
"Do not regret it too much. I have spent most of my life caring not whether my behavior offends others. As a young man I thought it was an admirable trait. It seemed to work well for so many of the people who bullied and taunted me. As a spy, I learned to consider others only as much as necessary to manipulate them. None of this came naturally to me, though. As a young child I was thin-skinned and sensitive. Everything about me seemed to offend my father – my scrawniness, my emotions, my magic, my face that looked like my mother's. So I learned to stop caring if I offend, since from childhood my very presence was offensive to most everyone."
He stopped and took both of her hands in his. The manor was in view now over the crest of the hill on which they stood.
"I thought it was enough that I had good reasons for my past actions – that nobody could find fault with me for doing what needed to be done. I was sure that finally I would no longer be expected to defend my character or that I should have to convince others of my good intentions. Thus, I avoided all social niceties and commitments, and thought myself respectable and above reproach. However, I concede now that this was just an excuse to avoid the task of reconciliation with those I was forced to manipulate in the past. You were right about that, Hermione."
She smiled happily in the bright sunlight.
"So, does that mean the next time Draco holds a ball you'll dance with me – as yourself?"
The seriousness of the moment was broken. He threw back his head and laughed so uncharacteristically, that Hermione laughed as well.
"If it will please you," he said.
Hermione put her arms over his shoulders and pulled him down for a long, lingering kiss, which was only interrupted when a strong sudden breeze blew his hair into their mouths.
"Let's go surprise the Malfoys," Hermione said. "They must be at breakfast by now."
By the time they reached the dining room, they'd agreed that Severus would attend both upcoming weddings with Hermione, that if they still liked one another in a few months Hermione would move to his residence instead of finding a roommate in London, and that their first date would occur that Friday night. Severus refused to tell her what he had planned, except to say that she should wear comfortable shoes.
Needless to say, Ginny was smug when she heard the news of their relationship. Harry was unexpectedly supportive, and Neville seemed worried.
Ron and the Muggle girl, called Fiona, did not get married right away as his family wanted. However, after their daughter, Gemma, was old enough to walk they married in the Weasley's garden in a small, sweet ceremony. Gemma was the flower girl and demonstrated her first bit of magic by making the petals float and swirl around her instead of tossing them on the ground. Fiona was Arthur Weasley's favorite family member and he loved to go visit her Muggle parents to play with all of their electronic gadgets.
Severus and Hermione were in no hurry to get married. They might elope one day and surprise their friends with the news. Hermione did not want an elaborate wedding – she regularly got her fill of finery and dancing at the Malfoys' frequent parties.
Hermione's parents were not sure what to make of Severus at first, but he eventually won them over. They could see that he was devoted to their daughter and that for the first time in a long while, Hermione was truly happy. They were too polite to ask how he got his scars but finally Hermione sat them down and explained just who Severus was and how he miraculously survived the war. Despite their horror at the perils of her childhood, which Hermione had never fully explained, they loved Severus all the more.
The Elixir of Elabum proved to be an effective substitute for long-term use of pain relieving potions in the treatment of severe nerve and brain damage from the Cruciatus Curse. Neville said the difference in alertness and mood of his parents was drastic after switching treatments.
Hermione went on to be a force of change in the magical world, thanks to her work as an activist, attorney, and researcher. Magical Law would never be the same, and eventually she was appointed to a seat on the Wizengamot. Thanks to her influence it became regarded as a progressive court that brought the magical world into modern times and established better relations with the Muggle leadership of the country. Severus supported Hermione through it all and contributed many new brewing methods and treatments to the realms of Potions and Healing.
THE END