MoonshineMadame and WhitmanFrostFiend reminded me (in the nicest of ways) that I needed to post more of this story. I'm really sorry for the massive delay. =\ I got hung up on some narrative meta choices (if you're interested, there are more details at the end), but if you're still here, willing to read: thank you! Also, much love to those who've followed or favorited the fic despite the lack of recent updates.
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CHAPTER 11:
"The Big Picture, Not Just a Billboard"
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Stevens and O'Malley burst through the door to the locker room, cutting it close to shift start. "You guys seen the billboards? The Montgomery ones?" Izzie tossed her bag down on the bench next to Alex and he shifted uncomfortably. People talked, that was just a thing. No intern at SGH knew how to mind their own damn business, but he only needed to maintain his cool and none of them would have a clue to what was really going on.
He could feel Grey's eyes at the back of his head, but Alex wasn't about to turn around. Meredith wasn't clueless and he didn't want to see her judgment or pity. He already knew this was a crazy gamble, but no one got unlimited opportunities in life at the things they wanted. Alex had met Addie at the wrong moment, that much was crystal clear, but seeing her operate with Shepherd, watching them talk and the other guy touch her so casually and freely... It had gotten under his skin. Alex couldn't just let go and settle for someone else later, and he couldn't watch her with someone else.
"The Chief is gonna chew Shepherd out for sure." O'Malley fidgeted as usual when he spoke. The guy really liked Meredith, but he never made a move, always sat at the sidelines, and Alex didn't want that to be him, patiently waiting for Addie while her ex swooped in and swept her off her feet.
Shepherd was pulling out all the stops, a cross-continental trek, stand-still surgery... With the way the neuro guy had looked at Addie in that scrub room after the spinal surgery, he wasn't going to let up his pursuit and Alex had to do something drastic. He really didn't want to spend the next seven years wondering about what-ifs. This was his Hail Mary.
"Pick me, choose me. Love me?" Steven smiled, probably thinking about what a sap Shepherd must be. Alex didn't know what kind of dream world she lived in, but she was clearly a big believer in true love and happily ever after. "The guy knows how to do grand gestures..." Grand and embarrassing gestures, Alex was pretty sure half the hospital were snickering behind Shepherd's back, which was, to be honest, an added bonus.
"Yeah? You wanna place a bet on that?" Yang suddenly looked interested in the conversation. Although, given how intense she was, Cristina was probably more intrigued by the prospect of making money than she was in Addison Montgomery's love life. That was good news as far as Alex was concerned. He didn't need Yang hassling him on top of everything else; being on Shepherd's service was already the gift that kept on giving.
Stevens shrugged, fishing out a bill from her wallet and tossing it to the other woman. "Sure. 50 on Jack getting happily ever after with Rose."
"I don't know," O'Malley shook his head, looking like he thought they were all morons, which was funny considering he was the remedial student in their cohort. "Fifty says she's not impressed. Dr. Montgomery is not a high school girl. She's a sophisticated woman. She'll want more than a few squiggles on a poster, even if it's a big damn poster."
Yang snorted, looking massively unimpressed. "Since when are you an expert on how sophisticated women are, George? You certainly didn't sweep Olivia off her feet with your shouting about how she gave you syphilis." O'Malley should have wrapped it. Alex had told him, repeatedly, to glove up and he'd gone to med school, so even George should know by now that sexually transmitted diseases were real and just as undesirable as an unwanted pregnancy.
"What about you, Alex? What's your opinion on Montgomery's mystery suitor?" Stevens was looking at him intently, even though there was no way that anybody here could possibly know anything. Addie and he had been careful, and Alex felt relatively confident that their relationship—whatever it was—was still something private between the two of them. "We could use a male perspective on this."
O'Malley looked outraged, his face flushing a bright red. "I just gave you a male perspective!" Yang smirked, looking amused as Izzie patted his back, obviously trying to soothe his ego. George wasn't wrong, though, in his assessment. Addie would want more than sweet nothings, but sincere words always failed Alex. Got stuck somewhere before reaching his larynx, like their shape was too big to pass through his voice box.
"It's no mystery that Shepherd wants Montgomery back," Grey suddenly broke into the conversation and Alex felt grateful that she appeared to have his back. He was pretty sure that she knew it wasn't Shepherd who'd gone to town on those billboards and Meredith would probably also have a good idea of what Addie thought of it.
If she thought it was... lame, or if she might choose the lowly intern over the neurosurgeon. All he needed was Addie to give him-and-her a real chance. She was good for him and he could make her happy, or at least work hard at it.
"He's quoting Titanic." Stevens stated the obvious, looking like she found the whole thing wildly romantic, which she probably did. Everything was rainbows and unicorns with Izzie, but Alex was just relieved that nobody here seemed to suspect that he was the one behind the graffiti. Even apart from the rest of it, they'd ridicule him from here to eternity. "It could be their thing, you know? Fits the timeline."
"Are you serious?" Yang rolled her eyes, giving Stevens her most disparaging look. "You remember the end of the movie, right? Spoiler alert: the boat sinks and Jack, along with his dangly bits, freeze to death. I wouldn't call that romantic."
"That's what I'm saying!" O'Malley exclaimed, having recovered from his earlier outrage as he jabbed his finger in the air to emphasize his point. Yang was right, the dude was so not an expert on any kind of women, but that didn't seem to stop him from thinking he knew something about Addie. "If this is the best Shepherd has to offer, then he's not going to stand a chance."
It wasn't that the movie was romantic. It was a stupid movie, but it had become a pop culture reference and Jack had found a girl, who was completely out of his league in every way. A woman who showed him how to have meaning and purpose. Alex just wasn't very eloquent and didn't know how to say any of the things he felt for Addie without sounding gruff or glib. Feelings were hard because they made you vulnerable. Words could be used against you. Addie would get that. She knew that about him. Alex suspected that words had been used to make her feel small and worthless too.
"In any case, I certainly hope it's Shepherd," Izzie interjected, an expression of concern on her face as she looked around at their cohort. "Because if it's not, that means that someone is trying to seduce his wife right in front of the poor guy." Alex couldn't decide if she was stirring shit because she was bored with her own lackluster love life or if she was looking to see what might float.
"Who would dare to put the moves on Dr. Montgomery?" O'Malley looked perturbed. "She outranks pretty much everyone around here, except the Chief and Burke."
Yang's face darkened at the mention of Burke and Alex wondered, again, if he wasn't right that something was going on over there. "Evil Spawn has the hots for Montgomery," Cristina gestured to Alex. "Not sure if he's actually dumb enough to try making a pass at the boss." She stared at him, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Do you even have moves?"
"She's hot," Alex tried to sound bored and noncommittal, like it didn't matter and he couldn't care less if they thought he wished he could get into Dr. Montgomery's pants. "I'm a guy, of course I'm going to notice." O'Malley nodded like he knew something about anything and Grey cleared her throat.
"I don't know about you all, but Bailey's due at any moment to give us our assignments for the day and I don't think she'll appreciate us gossiping about our attendings instead of working." She gave the other interns a serious look, and Alex noted that his friend could be kind of scary when she wanted to be. "Considering she has a VIP patient coming in today, we might want to at least pretend like we're professionals here, so we don't end up collecting lab results and writing chart notes for a month."
"You people are no fun," Yang grumbled, eyeing them all with disdain as she opened her locker to retrieve something inside it before slamming the door shut again. "Since when are you teacher's pet anyway, Grey?"
"Hey, if preferring the OR to scut makes me a teacher's pet, then bring it." Grey shrugged as she put on her stethoscope, giving Yang a wicked smile. "I'd bet I'll get some cool cardio surgeries while Bailey has you busy emptying bedpans. How about fifty dollars on that?"
Yang whipped around and glared at all of them in turn before storming out of the locker room, leaving O'Malley and Stevens gaping at her sudden exit. Grey glanced over at him and Alex gave her the tiniest of nods in response. He would have to thank her later for taking the heat off of him—Yang could be like a dog with a bone when she was thus inclined.
···
There were police officers over on the Shepherd-Karev side of pre-op and Meredith stood absently picking on a hangnail while observing the goings-on. Their patient appeared to have suffered a gunshot wound to the head, so the police would have had to be called per hospital protocol, but Addison's ex and her other ex weren't the most stable of partnerships. Who knew where all that could lead? Especially if the one ex worked out that the other ex was the one making a play for the lady's affections.
"Nothing like a domestic to liven up a pre-op, huh?" Montgomery had materialized for their brief with Bailey's cystic fibrosis patient and Meredith really hoped that everyone would stay in their own corner. Things were tense enough around here without everything erupting into an all-out brawl, especially as there were police officers at the scene already and the Chief would end up even more outraged than he already was if they all got arrested.
"The wife shot the husband in the forehead for cheating on her."
Relationships were bad news. The sad thing was that the couple must have been young and hopeful once, in love with each other and the fact that they'd gone from that happy place to invasive brain surgery and interviews with law enforcement was hopelessly depressing. Meredith didn't want any of that, or what Addison was having, for that matter. Her love life was uncomplicated and pretty much non-existent, and that was just fine by her. Right now, the only thing she needed was to get through her intern year, preferably with flying colors. She'd need to be flawless to secure the spot as a neonatal resident; her life was basically all work and sleep at this point.
"And he's still alive?" Addison stared over at the officers and the man who was still walking and talking, despite the bullet lodged in his brain. Distracted, at least for the moment, from the fact that the man candy in her life were working on a case together. She would no doubt start freaking out about that again shortly—the ride to work had been... interesting, with a couple of cars honking at them for shifting lanes unexpectedly, some gear crunching and a near miss with a cyclist. "He looks quite good, all things considered."
"You think he'll be okay?" It seemed surreal, a man having complex conversations after being shot in the head. "Hopefully your guy can save his life, although I don't know what's going to happen with his marriage afterwards."
Addison looked pensive and Meredith immediately regretted saying anything. A good friend was supposed to back up her teammate and not call attention to her shortcomings. Addison had plenty on her mind already between the solicitous billboards and whatever else was going on with the multiple men in her life. She didn't need Meredith poking at her woes.
"Derek's a good surgeon. He'll try everything he can to get a successful outcome, but the patient is on his own sorting out his marital differences." Addison did a one-shoulder shrug and smiled weakly. "That's not Derek's strong suit." Then, she changed topic before things had a change to linger and become awkward, "How's he doing?" She nodded her head in Alex's direction as Meredith bit her lip, uncertain of how to answer.
Karev was filling in some paperwork over by the nurse's station, but he kept throwing glances their way. He had been ever since Addison showed up in pre-op and it didn't take a genius to notice. Fortunately, Shepherd was busy with the cops, so he hadn't seen anything amiss yet. Meredith needed to get Alex to stop looking like a hopeful puppy, though. For his own sake, and for Addison's.
People were talking about and gawking at her enough already. She didn't need the hospital scuttlebutt to know that it was an intern who was trying to woo her in his own magnificently knuckle-headed way. Meredith was fairly sure that her other teammate had been behind the billboard graffiti, even though Addison had been so dismissive of that suggestion when she'd brought it up earlier. Circumstances had the potential of turning nasty for her friend and Meredith wanted to prevent that, if she could.
"I keep trying to..." Addison looked uncomfortable as she scanned the room for prying ears, "Put a stop to... things, but I can't seem to stay away." Her eyes looked so sad that Meredith touched her arm, giving it a little squeeze, even though they were at work, which made the physical contact inappropriate.
Alex was a wild horse here—it didn't matter when Addison closed that barn door because he was never in the stables to begin with. "I think he loves you in a pretends to like your taste in music, will let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over his head outside your window kind of unfortunate way." Meredith had tried diplomacy and it hadn't worked, so maybe honesty would?
Addison looked a bit like she'd been hit with something blunt and hard, but then Bailey called for her attention and Meredith was left on her own, to contemplate whether she wanted to tackle that conversation with Alex too while she was on a roll. He might be a dumbass, but he was the dumbass she'd be stuck with for seven years (or until he got kicked out of the program for antagonizing his bosses) and as such, she had a responsibility to be a team player.
"Please say you've come to rescue me." Karev approached her, the chart tucked under his arm as he glanced back over at Shepherd, who was still deep in conversation with the police. Meredith couldn't help but to feel sorry for Alex—regardless of the what-the-fuckery her friend might be up to, he was definitely in an uncomfortable position that wasn't all of his own making. "I know I need to spend time on other specialties and all, but this togetherness with Shepherd is too much."
"I suppose you could see what Cristina's up to," Meredith suggested helpfully. Their fellow intern would likely leap at the chance for a case like this, with a patient that was walking around with a bullet between his eyes. "Maybe she would be willing to swap cases with you."
Karev made a face. "Pretty sure she has a thing with Burke and she tried to out me. I'm not giving her anything." It was hard to miss the expression on Alex's face when he talked about, or looked at, Addison. Even Izzie seemed to be suspicious of him to judge by earlier that morning. "I'd rather give the case to O'Malley and take over babysitting your mom." Meredith frowned at him and he added, "No offense."
Talking about her mother was a whole other minefield that she didn't want to approach today, or any day. "So, uh, those billboards?" She tried, absently waving a hello to Torres who entered the pre-op area at the other end of the room.
"What about them?" Alex sounded nonchalant, but the way his eyes sought out Addison gave him away. Subtlety wasn't really Karev's thing and if this was his best poker face, it was only a matter of time before Derek Shepherd worked out exactly who his competition was and the metaphorical shit would spatter all over the place.
"Look, Alex, we both know that Shepherd wasn't the unnamed artist who enhanced the Chief's marketing campaign last night." Meredith crossed her arms and stared her fellow intern straight in the eye. He looked away, seemingly uneasy, which didn't bode well. "Tell me I'm wrong about this," she challenged, stern and frustrated.
"You're wrong about this," he said, but wouldn't meet her gaze and Meredith scoffed. "Does, uh, does Addie know?" He looked almost shy, his eyes darting between making eye contact with her and looking over at Addison who was talking to her patient with Bailey.
Meredith shook her head in exasperation. "Alex, you're not helping yourself here! She's married and I don't know what's happening with all that, but you have to let her sort it out before you go big with the gestures. You'll aggravate the Chief and her husband—he's still legally her husband, you know that, and they can both torpedo your career."
"I don't care!" Karev shot back, looking like he wanted to stab something in frustration and several people turned around to look at them. Thankfully, Shepherd was not one of them, but given the way the grapevine wound around this hospital, it was only a matter of time before everyone knew Meredith Grey had had a dustup in pre-op with Alex Karev. "I know you think it's stupid, that I'm being stupid, but she's worth the risks, Mer."
"It's not a risk so much as it's career suicide," Meredith argued, wishing that she had some way of getting this through his seemingly thick skull. "This is the kind of maneuver that'll get you fired, Alex, and then were will you be? Believe it or not, I'm trying to look out for you here."
Hospital policy would regard Karev's artwork as sexual harassment and HR wouldn't hesitate to dismiss him. He was at the bottom of the totem pole: a hothead who'd already been up the proverbial creek with a different attending, and the faint whiff of a possibly costly legal entanglement would do him in. No one in admin would care for a love triangle, especially not one involving two of the most prized surgeons at the hospital. Alex Karev would be the idiot on the chopping block.
"Hey guys, you're attracting attention over here," Torres smiled in a big, fake way that looked scary as she stepped up to them. "I just had to tell two nurses that it's only latent sexual tension, which I'm sure will be fun for you when Bailey hears that rumor."
Meredith made a face. You weren't supposed to do someone in your cohort, but that was infinitely more acceptable than sweet talking your attending. Especially your married attending whose husband would be less than sweet once he'd worked out the details. That was just all around evil tidings. It would be kinder to let Bailey believe that Meredith was availing herself of some good old-fashioned stress relief between the sheets (because her somewhat estranged mother was in the hospital) than what was actually going on.
Callie looked from one to the other, her face taking on the expression of a disappointed preschool teacher. She'd probably had more than that one conversation with Karev about not being a lovesick moron and doing something equally idiotic to this billboard scheme. "It was you, wasn't it?" She wrinkled her nose as if he'd just passed gas.
Karev jutted his chin out, staring at them in defiance and Meredith couldn't help but to admire his resolve. That attitude, though, was bound to get him into trouble if Alex mouthed off to someone in a position to make his life very unpleasant. "Unless both of you want to date me, I don't see how that's any of your business."
"Would that stop you from ruining your life, if one of us dated you?" Callie raised an eyebrow and Meredith snorted at the look on Karev's face. "When we first met, you told me you could get me to sleep with you, so here's your best chance, buddy." Torres looked like he was too dimwitted to be attractive, but she'd take one for the team.
"I don't want to sleep with you." Alex looked from one woman to the other. "Either of you." Then, his eyes strayed to Addison and Meredith stepped on his foot before anyone could take notice. "Do you mind?" He glared at her and she shrugged her shoulders. Her goal was accomplished since his attention was diverted from the object of his single-minded affections.
"Listen, the Chief is looking to bury a hatchet in somebody's skull over doodling on his very expensive ads and getting sacked won't help your love life any," she told him in a harsh whisper, glancing around to make sure that there wasn't anyone eavesdropping nearby. The walls had ears at Seattle Grace and the back-fence talk would go wild over something this juicy. "How exactly are you supposed to court the love of your life, or whatever you think she is, if you don't work here anymore?"
Karev opened his mouth, then closed it again, his eyes narrowing. Meredith wondered if he'd thought about any of this, or if he'd been so twitterpated that he simply acted without any kind of thought process. Probably the latter—from what she'd seen, Alex was so hung up on Addison Montgomery he'd take a long walk off a short pier for her. Maybe he did need to get laid, to clear his head. Put his infatuation into perspective... The big picture, not just a billboard.
···
Derek had heard that they lost the CF patient, so he'd armed up with hot cocoa, but Bailey seemed to have bailed out quickly, and there were only Addison and Grey for him to offer juju. "I'm sorry," he said and watched his wife nod in acknowledgment.
"Do you, both of you, want to grab a bite to eat?" If the intern came with them, Addison couldn't use the argument that it was a date as an excuse to say no and she also wouldn't be seeing the billboard Don Juan. Derek would get a chance to remind her how easy conversation used to flow between them. Maybe he could sit next to her, make her laugh. He used to be good at that.
Addison seemed uneasy as she glanced between him and Grey, looking like she wanted to decline but was having difficulty finding a socially acceptable reason to do so. "I, uh, should hit the showers. I have other patients to check on as well."
"We can go after you shower, to that little place down the street from the hospital," Derek suggested, giving her his best pleading expression. "That way you'll both be able to rush right back if you're paged. After that surgery, the two of you must be famished." He wanted to talk to, or at least be near Addison in a social situation... Show her that he was the one who showed up. Faceless billboard defacer wasn't here for the hard stuff, didn't hold her hand when she was sad.
Grey looked to Addison, like she was going to take her cue from the other woman, which was a good sign if the blonde was going to train under his wife, but right now, Derek wanted the intern to cooperate, to agree with him that they should all have a meal together. "It was a rough surgery," she said, which could mean any old thing from 'definitely don't feel like eating' to 'sustenance would be good right about now.'
"I suppose food's a good idea, as long as we don't go too far," Addison acquiesced, giving Grey a look that Derek couldn't quite make out. That didn't matter, though. She'd agreed to go for a meal and that was definitely a positive sign. "We'll need the energy to get through the rest of our shift." Derek smiled, relieved and happy that he'd get to spend at least the better part of an hour in his wife's company. Her talk of divorce had made his blood run cold. He couldn't lose her, not now, when he was certain and trying.
Grey nodded her assent to something Derek was equally unclear on. "I'll see you after my shower." He was used to girl speak due to his four sisters and having been married for over a decade, but Derek didn't expect his wife to have that kind of shorthand with her intern after a few months, even if they were living together. "Give me 20 minutes."
Addison turned in the opposite direction, toward the attendings' lounge and Derek had to hustle to catch up with her. "I had a guy with a bullet in his brains. Walking and talking. His pissed-off wife bull's-eyed him." Shop talk would be a safe first topic. They always did well discussing surgery, so it was a starting point at least. Launch pad. The skirt-chaser couldn't possibly satisfy Addison's need for someone who'd challenge her and push her skill set to new heights. Even if Derek had a different specialty, they'd battled in the trenches together.
"He's still alive?" His wife glanced back at him, but Derek was unable to make out what her expression meant. There had been a time when he had known what every gesture, every inflection of her voice signified and while it made Derek sad to think that Addison had become pretty much a stranger to him, he also knew that this was his own damn fault. He was going to work on rectifying that, but he needed to spend time with her to do it.
"He made it through the surgery, so that's promising." Derek sped up his gait in the hopes of being able to walk by her side, but Addison merely accelerated her own pace. Long legs, pretty as they were, also meant a long stride. "Is Bailey okay? She took off pretty fast, so I'm guessing she might be taking the loss of that patient hard."
"They have history. She's treated him since she was an intern." Addison shrugged as she pushed the door open to the lounge and disappeared inside. Damn. Derek rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. This was difficult and probably also how Addison had felt when he vanished into his work for days on end. Derek wished he had someone else to blame for this predicament, then he wouldn't be feeling so dejected or frustrated, but he was, regrettably, the sole architect of this particular misfortune.
"Shepherd, a word?" Richard was suddenly in front of him, looking serious and Derek sighed, again. It was probably about those damn billboards and he couldn't blow the Chief off, so following his wife into the changing area would have to stay a nice daydream. "I know you didn't much care for the promotional campaign, but using it as a vehicle for your own private proclamations?"
Word certainly got around the hospital fast, Derek thought to himself, given that it had been a mere few hours since his conversation with Preston Burke in the elevator and the Chief had already gotten wind of it. Derek could handle Webber's wrath, though, it was nothing new and he could always offer to pay for the billboards, if nothing else. "I don't know if you've noticed, Richard, but my marriage has been on shaky ground for some time now. I understand you're upset, but I'm not going to apologize for wanting my wife to feel like she's important to me."
"Those cost thousands of dollars!" The Chief looked like he wanted to tear Derek's hair out to relieve his frustration. "Any fool can see that you have marital woes, Derek, but sending flowers is a much more acceptable way of dealing with them. Your prank has cost the hospital a lot of money!"
Flowers didn't really have the same je ne sais quoi as scribbling love notes on billboards. Derek had tried conventional with sending flowers and giving rings, but Addison was having none of that. It was time to think outside the box. He should have been the one to come up with this unorthodox plan to seduce Addison, but it had been so long since Derek had pursued anything but work that he felt hopelessly inept. "When you think about it, though," he tried with a bright smile, "Doesn't this send the message that we're passionate and caring at Seattle Grace?"
"It sends the message that we're not very professional and from what I can see, your wife is still running away from you," Webber gestured towards the door to the lounge. Addison was in there, probably naked in the shower, and every second spent with Richard was one less that Derek could have spent with his wife. Seattle was his second chance and he wasn't going to make the same mistakes here. Derek was not going to be a divorce statistic.
He sighed, "Richard..." This was going to hurt, both financially and emotionally. Paying to clean up some reprobate's ode to Addison was humbling, to say the least, but Derek had figured out that he did want his wife—needed her back in his life and he would do just about anything to make that happen. "Let me know the price tag and I'll reimburse you."
The older man looked at him skeptically, like he thought Derek might be slightly insane, which was probably the only logical conclusion, but Derek found that he didn't care. Richard could think whatever he wanted as long as they could end this conversation and Derek could get inside the locker room to have another conversation with his wife. "You're telling me that you're willing to pay tens of thousands of dollars for new billboards?"
Derek wanted to ask how the price tag had jumped from thousands to tens of thousands, but he was clearly in a bind here and didn't quite know how else to get out of it. Between the billboards and the HOA fines that Nancy had taken to forwarding him in retaliation for leaving his trailer on her lawn, Derek had a lot of expenses at the moment. "I'll pay for it, Richard. But if you'll excuse me, I really need to go and talk to my wife now."
···
Meredith eyed Karev as he stood by his locker, seemingly lost in thought. He had something flat and square in his hand, but he tucked the credit card-sized object away before she could see what it was. "Your mom's getting discharged, that's good," he said, looking sympathetic.
She nodded, "Yeah, it'll be nice to have a little distance between my personal life and work." Addison had shielded her from most of the Ellis Grey fallout, but Meredith was aware that Alex had had her mother offer him a surprise consult regarding the gunshot injury. She'd also confused George O'Malley for her ex-husband which had been embarrassing to witness—her cohort now knew more about her childhood than Meredith ever wanted to share. "I know it's none of my business, but yours are on collision course, you know that, right?"
Alex's face turned hard, guarded, like shutters coming down. "Grey..." A warning in his voice. She'd known him long enough to work out that he shut down when faced with things he didn't want to hear, but Meredith owed it to Alex to at least try to get through to him. One more time. They were a team and he'd been there, looking out for her when she'd tried to soak her own problems into oblivion. She'd even vomited on him and Alex hadn't ever held that against her.
Chewing on her lower lip, Meredith contemplated disclosing that Callie had told her about his willingness to give up on neonatal surgery, but she decided against it. Alex needed someone to confide in and neither one of them would be able to help him when he landed in hot water, if he clammed up altogether because he didn't trust them. She had to start somewhere else.
"I know you love her–"
"Whoa, I've never said that!" He'd spun around towards her, looking half panic-stricken and Meredith laughed. It just bubbled up to the surface and she couldn't stop its escape. He was so... dumb.
"Really, Alex?" She shook her head, astounded at how clueless he could be for someone who'd completed a post-graduate degree. "You scrawled it onto billboards all over town. There's no need to say anything."
"I never claimed responsibility for the billboards." He glanced around nervously, like he was afraid of being overheard even though they were the only ones in the locker room. "Shepherd could have done it."
"Mm-hmm." It wasn't Shepherd, though. Meredith had suspected as much when she first saw them and now the nincompoop had confirmed every single one of her suspicions. "Maybe I should find Cristina and wager a handful of Benjamins on the culprit being an intern."
Karev seemed to deflate as he sat down on the bench, looking dejected. She felt sorry for him in spite of herself, but he really needed to hear some hard truths if he wasn't going to screw over his career before it had even begun. "We're not going to have a talk about feelings, are we?"
"Alex," she sighed. "I'm trying to be your love sober buddy, okay?" It might not be a real thing, but there had been times when Meredith could have used a protector against heartbreak and regrettable one-night stands. "The Chief's livid and right now, he's chasing Shepherd around, but it's only a matter of time before both of them come for you." She put her hand on his arm, trying to reassure him, but Alex just scowled and pulled away. "This secret is too big to be kept. If Addison 'picks' you, everyone will know. The Chief, Derek Shepherd, Cristina and Bailey—even that girl with the frizzy hair in Accounting."
"Becky," Karev nodded like her name was important and Meredith smacked his arm. "Ow!"
"You need to take this seriously. Think about it—if you 'like her a lot,'" Meredith did little air quote gestures to denote how ridiculous his fear of stating the obvious was, "You need to decide what you're willing to offer her versus what she'd be giving up for you." Alex looked belligerent, but Meredith could tell that he was listening. Maybe he'd actually hear her this time.
"She's the boss, so she'd be trading her credibility and the respect she's worked hard to earn. Women can't get involved with their subordinates without a lot of sexist bullshit. People will talk and say all kinds of nasty things—they'll judge her professional capabilities based on her personal life. The Chief and Shepherd will hate you, but to everybody else, Addison will be seen first as an adulterous bitch who sleeps with her students, and being a surgeon will fall somewhere far down the list of attributes."
"Mer–" Alex sighed and shifted in his seat. "Callie's already given me the lecture on sleep and work, and I appreciate that you both care, but I don't think you get it."
Meredith sat down next to him. "Look, I'm not saying 'don't.' I'm saying, be certain. If you want a real relationship with Addison, you have to be able to say that you love her. We're the grownups now," she sighed. "I'm my mother's guardian and you need to think about if you want to marry this woman some day, or have kids or whatever the plan is, before you do impulsive things that could ruin both your careers."
"I want..." Alex looked around the locker room like he could find answers in the notices for various objects for sale or the odd roommate wanted ad that people had posted on available surfaces. "I had a plan, you know? I was going to go into plastics—earn money to repay my loans, and pretty girls are a dime a dozen when you do noses and boobs." Meredith made a face at that and he shrugged in response. "Marriage was always something that could come later in life. I'd be the second husband of someone who's already had all the babies she'd want with someone else."
"Unless there's a 'but' in there somewhere," Meredith tried to be gentle, partly because he was genuinely emotionally invested in Addison and in part because she needed him to actually listen to her. "Maybe this idea isn't so good? You're asking Addison to divorce her husband for you, to get the hospital administration pissed off with her and to disappoint her mentor. If you know you can't give her a future, that's not fair, Alex. It's permanent damage to her professional reputation."
"She was just there." He shot her a glance, but Meredith figured it wasn't an invitation to speak, "and everything I thought I knew just shifted." Alex looked uncomfortable as he fiddled with his stethoscope. "I want to be on the Vagina Squad. All those tiny lives who never asked for any of their pain... I thought I'd hate that, but I'm good with them. I'm better at everything when I'm around Addie." He blushed slightly and looked down at his hands. "I want to be that person. I want to be who she's making me into."
He was changing, Meredith could see that, and it was related to Addison but, "She's your teacher, Alex. She's supposed to mold you into a surgeon—that's her job. Is it possible that you're just... conflating things?" They lived surgery, and time stretched and blurred inside the hospital. Getting mixed up about Addison the person and Montgomery the surgeon could be a thing. Transference was real.
"My day gets better when I see her smile." Alex got a goofy grin on his face, caught Meredith looking, and flushed. He had it bad, and this wasn't going to be easy. "I know I'm just an intern and not a brain surgeon, but I could still make her happy." He wasn't wrong. Meredith had seen that Addison smiled more when Alex was around, and there had been a certain lightness to her when things were uncomplicated, before Shepherd arrived.
"I'm just saying that it's going to be different when everyone knows," Meredith pointed out. It might be exciting to sneak around and have a clandestine relationship, but this had the distinct possibility of getting very ugly, very fast once Derek Shepherd and the rest of Seattle Grace found out. "It's going to be real, and hard, on both of you. Is that something you're ready for?"
···
Addison was nervous. So nervous. She'd left a keycard to the room in his locker, with the time written on the paper wallet that it was in, but Alex could have gotten held up by pretty much anything at the hospital. Addison didn't think he'd be a no-show—he wasn't Derek, but he could end up being delayed for most of the night. He didn't own his time, Seattle Grace did.
She'd taken a bath with aromatic oils and had a glass of wine, to calm her nerves, but as the clock ticked down, her anxiety seemed to increase. She'd bought new lingerie... Underthings she'd never worn for anyone else's benefit, but waiting made her feel silly and the opposite of sexy. Addison didn't even know why she was so nervous. She had slept with him before, after all, and she knew that Alex was attracted to her, but still...
Addison tightened the belt of her robe and scrutinized her appearance in the mirror. She'd taken time with her hair and the makeup, and she smelled good, but it was probably all for nothing because Alex was an intern and not in charge of his schedule. If Bailey or Burke, or whomever was on duty said, 'you can't leave,' it didn't matter that Addison's underwear was sheer and very expensive. She'd be spending her evening as alone as she had been in her marriage.
Then, the lock whirred and the tumblers clicked as the door opened. Addison stared at him and Alex stared back at her. "You found the key," she could hear relief color her voice and she hated her own insecurity, hated how Derek had made her doubt that anyone would want her company. Alex wasn't like that. Alex had spray painted billboards all over town with very public pleas that he wanted to be with her.
He nodded, his eyes skimming over her robe and a small smile playing on his lips. "You're nervous," he said and Addison rolled her eyes, not quite pleased that he'd picked up on it, and so quickly too.
She shook her head. "No," willing that to be true as she opened her robe. She had already decided on this, but as she watched his eyes darken, a big happy smile spread on her face. "You should touch me, Alex." He stared at her for a couple of seconds longer, but when the robe hit the floor, he was across the room in a few steps, lifting her up.
Addison shrieked in surprise, wrapping both her legs and arms around his torso. She really didn't want to fall, but then she realized that there was no danger of that. Alex seemed to have a comfortable grip on her. "We're doing this?" He smiled slightly, like he found her clinging to him like the world was going under infinitely amusing.
She put her hand on his cheek, "You jump, I jump, remember?" There was the barest of touch of his lips against hers and Addison felt the fluttering of the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. She wanted more. She wanted him. It was frightening, feeling this way, because she was so vulnerable but she also felt free with Alex. With Derek, she always had to fit herself into the empty space of the puzzle—the shape of how she had to be was already defined.
Here, right now, was anything Addison wanted it to be; she didn't have to make accommodations for Derek's fragile ego. She could feel the kisses going to her head, though, like a good champagne: heady, intoxicating, exhilarating. They'd moved over to the bed, but Addison hadn't noticed, not until she was put down on her own feet. "You're overdressed," she tugged on Alex's clothes, feeling impatient to touch skin and wanting to see him. Wanting it all to solidify into something real. Tangible.
Fortunately, he wasted no time in pulling off his shirt, or unbuckling the belt to shove his pants down and Addison chuckled softly at his eagerness. "Beautiful woman tells me to get naked, I'm not going to wait for her to change her mind," he shrugged, "and you are, beautiful." Alex moved in close, cupping the back of her neck as his lips sought out hers again.
He tasted so good and felt good too, with his skin warm against hers. It felt wonderful to be wanted like this, to be genuinely desired instead of just being the warm body that she'd been to Derek for so many years. Alex Karev actually saw her, all of her and that in itself was pretty damn sexy.
"I have to say, Dr. Karev," she murmured, sinking down onto the bed as she gazed up at him, the desire in his eyes sending a shiver down her spine. "You do look pretty spectacular." It wasn't like they hadn't been together before, but that night at Joe's bar felt like a lifetime ago now. The man standing in front of her wasn't a stranger, or a way to ward off loneliness. Alex was someone she cared for, and a conscious choice she was making, and that made everything here so much more intimate.
He was toned and angular in all the right places, and his hazel eyes were kind. It was magnetic, the pull he seemed to have on her. She was aware, of course, that part of all this was the newness of them, but Addison also felt like Derek had never looked at her the way Alex did. He was too preoccupied with what other people thought of him, if they saw a good guy when they looked at him. And... she really shouldn't be thinking of her estranged husband when she was mostly naked with another man.
"You find me irresistible," Alex nodded as he kneeled down in front of her and the corners of Addison's lips turned upward in spite of her best effort not to let on about her amusement. He was cocky and... irresistible.
She rolled her eyes, "I find you irritating too," and Alex smiled back at her as he ran his hands up her thighs, his thumbs caressing the inside of her legs as he widened her knees to give himself space to get closer to her. Addison could feel those butterflies again as she leaned in, tilting her head for another kiss. He was slow, deliberate and it was making her lose her mind a little.
"Irritating but irresistible. The same goes for you." Alex smirked at her before brushing his lips against hers, his fingertips lightly mapping the pattern of the vertebrae of her spine. "You've been driving me crazy ever since I got to Seattle." He was making her body run wild with want and need, and the fact that Alex was leisurely taking his time made Addison feel certain this choice was the right one. He was prioritizing her, not his own fulfillment. "All that scut you made me do..."
"You were no picnic yourself, Alex Karev." She tried to look stern, but had a hard time keeping a straight face, especially in light of the way his touch was making her nerve endings tingle. That was fine, though, because this wasn't the hospital and she wasn't his teacher. Right here, they were just Addison and Alex, and this encounter was long overdue. Right now, she didn't care about what would happen at work, or what she'd have to give up to get to come home to this in the future.
His lips wandered down her neck—kissing, nipping, a soothing brush of the tongue—her fingertips digging into his back muscles as her head lolled back. It felt so good. His skin was silky and warm, and oh god, Addison loved the kissing. She'd been so deprived of all of this in New York... being held, kissing... the slow, languid foreplay.
"Too slow," she murmured as Alex was taking his time sliding down the straps of her bra and leaving a trail of tiny little kisses. "You'll be paged and leave me half-naked and desperate." They'd held off for months and the trying to be just colleagues hadn't worked at all. Addison needed release from the hell of it before Alex had to rush back to the hospital.
He chuckled at her plaintive tone and made eye contact with her, "This isn't some drunken grope in the dark." Well, their first time hadn't exactly been that, but it was a little hazy so she might have to concede that Alex had a point. It had been a means to an end, yes and this... was a beginning. "I'm trying to be romantic here." He snapped her bra clasp open and Addison shrugged out of the straps, tossing it aside.
Normally she would have felt vulnerable, appearing almost completely naked in front of a man like this—once upon a time Derek had made her feel confident in her sexual appeal, but that had disappeared in recent years and her insecurities had all come back. The way Alex Karev was looking at her, though, made Addison feel powerful and desirable, sexy and confident. His hands wrapped around her rib cage, with the pads of his thumbs grazing the underside of her breasts. Light and gentle, like he was barely there.
"I do appreciate the excellent bedside manners, Dr. Karev." Addison placed her hand over his heart, his skin warm and smooth beneath her touch. He was solid and comforting, which was good because she felt... She hadn't felt like this since she first met Derek, and she still shouldn't be thinking of her failed marriage, especially now that Alex was kissing her again. Her shoulder, along the collarbone and up her neck towards the pulse point behind her ear. "I could get used to this." Addison pushed at his underwear, still wanting to get to the main event before he would turn into a pumpkin because someone at Seattle Grace needed an intern.
Alex tsked at her, but complied in getting the last scrap of clothing off his body and Addison licked her lips. He was... "Your turn," he said, smirking at what she was sure was a startled expression on her own face. She'd been too absorbed in contemplating his anatomy to pay attention. He gestured to the only thing she was wearing, her panties. "Off with them?"
"That's so romantic," she laughed. Alex's manner with patients had improved in the last few months, but no one would accuse him of being a smooth talker. Addison liked that. After Derek, she didn't want someone who waxed poetic. She needed someone to actually be there and Alex, for all his bluster, had been so supportive during her recent emotional turmoil and he'd also been a good friend to Meredith when she'd gone through her personal crisis. He was dependable, and sweet in the quiet moments.
He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her slowly. "You're the one who wanted to speed this up," he whispered. If they went as slow as he seemed to want, Addison would combust from need. She could already feel the coiling tension and Alex hadn't even touched her anywhere significant. Slow could come later. They needed to take the edge off first. "You make me feel like I'm the king of the world." She stared at him.
It was too corny. Especially for Alex, and part of her wanted to laugh, but another part kind of wanted to swoon. Because this was Alex Karev and his eyes were soft and sincere. He was not a guy who had much experience at being romantic, but he was trying and it would get less corny with more practice. Hopefully. In the meantime... he was hot and she was horny. Really, really starved for it. For him. Alex. Leaning back onto the mattress, Addison lifted her hips so she could get her panties off.
···
Thank you all for reading!
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The reason this update took so long is that I was debating how explicit the 'sexual situations' ought to be. It's not a sexy story—Addison is broken and conflicted, and there are two different partners, if we don't count the affair with Mark Sloan. I don't want fetishize her situation: Addison isn't playing the field, she's bartering for affection. (Besides, readers who like one pairing might not be so into reading all about the hot monkey loving with someone else. I don't want to scare off readers.) On the other hand, I don't want to write the equivalent to Grandma's old floral print couch from the 80's either. The story is about sexual politics, so fading out while all parties have at least one foot on the floor feels like I'm saying Addison is doing something shameful.
Slut-shaming if you do and slut-shaming if you don't? I have no idea what the happy compromise should be. I've wanted to create a world that's realistic and believable, but most of all, it has to be enjoyable for the reader to visit and I didn't feel like I was doing my job as your tour guide. That doesn't excuse getting stuck in my own head for months, particularly not over something as stupid as sex scenes, and I'll try to do better in the future. Mea Maxima Culpa.
I should tackle either the Addison/Derek or the Addison/Alex story next. Don't know which one will be first, but they are both easier writing than this one. Hope to see you next time, take care of each other out there!