This is a fan translation of Captain French, or the Quest for Paradise (Капитан Френч, или Поиски рая) by Mikhail Akhmanov and Christopher Nicholas Gilmore.

Epilogue

I would come back. I would definitely come back!

The Circe was a reliable ship; as long as I was with her, under her care and protection, I was in no danger. We'd been traveling together for many millennia, and it would be strange if something happened now, when I, Graham French, belonged not only to myself, but also to Killashandra. She was waiting… Waiting and raising our son… I hoped that he was bringing her a lot of joy. I hoped that her love for me was growing even stronger. After all, he was my son! And I liked to think that Jonathan was reminding her of me…

I remembered the space trader motto I'd once told Shandra: Everything passes. That was most certainly true! Everything passed: sorrow, joy, memories; it all passed, leaving behind emptiness…

Empty! It was so empty without her! The bedroom and the lounge, the gym and the dining room, the hallways and the greenhouses… Empty to the north and south, east and west, and on all the worlds I'd visited without her… Empty! And the bed I was sleeping on alone was far too wide.

So I did my best to spend my time on the bridge, watching the screens and looking for the distant sun of the distant Corinth among the numerous constellations. Distant in time, not in space; I was counting day by day, picking through them as if they were gray sea pebbles, in the hope of finding a diamond, a shining stone that would mark my day of return.

Occasionally, while looking at the stars, I thought about Paradise. Where was that Paradise I hadn't found yet? There was Corinth's star, there was the sun of Old Earth, there was Abydon, Uilenspiegel, Tapioca, Barataria, Aloysius, Chenga… So many stars, nebulae, galaxies — billions of worlds were gleaming in front of me with their undying eternal light! But there was no Paradise among them; Paradise wasn't a place, a planet, a space city, or a set location. I knew that now. Paradise and Hell were inside every person; we carried them with us, in our own hearts, in our souls, in some hidden corner or crack, not knowing, not noticing or not willing to notice that they were with us. Always with us! But then great misfortune or great joy came, and we were in Hell or in Paradise…

Where was my Paradise?.. Where was my joy?..

I knew, I knew that… I was certain: Paradise was wherever she was.