Sorry for the delay. I'm taking my time with these last several chapters to make sure I get them right! I hope you don't mind :) Fran betas, Dani and Ariel preread, and the rest make me so happy with your thoughts on this journey :)

Bella

My life has become one cliched expression after another.

One step at a time.

Losing battles but winning the war.

When life hands you lemons…

Most days, I don't have it in me to make lemonade.

I have all the ingredients for it here at my disposal, and some days I do have a glimpse of how delicious that first sip might be, but it's easier for me to battle the offending lemons than it is for me to make something suddenly sweet after tasting the bitterness for so long.

However, it doesn't mean I'm not trying to.

I am trying.

It's hard not to when I have people like Charlie and his wife Sue in my corner.

I have a corner now.

I've never had one before, let alone people to rely on in said corner, and it's comforting as well as awkward for me. Just another thing to get used to.

Based on experience, there are worse things in life one has to get used to, so I don't complain too much about these changes in my life. If anything, it's a hell of an upgrade from some of the things I've seen and gone through firsthand. Still, I find the most solace when I'm smothered in silence and my own space.

And in Forks, there's a lot of that. Silence and space.

It's become a routine for me to wake up in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, and find comfort within myself for a few hours before I'm ready to share myself with others. Charlie and Sue are beyond patient with me, adjusting and molding themselves to my moods without me even having to ask them.

In just a month, I've learned how homes are supposed to function.

I can tell everything Sue does is genuine, completely done out of the goodness of her own heart; she smiles as she replaces the sheets on my bed as if I can't do them myself. I can, and I've told her repeatedly she doesn't have to take on that responsibility, but she waved me off as if even the suggestion from me was ludicrous.

A smile sweeps across my face as I think of Sue and my sheets, as I wrap my arms around myself. I woke up early today, sleep evading me once my eyes had opened, so I tip-toed downstairs as the sun was rising. I never had to sneak out of a house before, as no one had ever cared if I was home or gone, so I tried to be quiet out of respect for Charlie and Sue, who were still sleeping in their room upstairs. I made sure to grab a closed mug for a cup of coffee, a sweatshirt Charlie had loaned me that turned into my favorite piece of clothing and then disappeared through the front door to find the silence I craved.

I stroll at my own leisure, stopping here and there when the mood strikes to take in my surroundings. It is the same scenery I had seen for years, but in the dark days of living with my mother, things like the forest greens and the rich soil went unnoticed to my tired eyes.

But now, as I wander through the trails, lost in my thoughts, one particular realization sticks out to me as my booted feet crush the twigs and needles beneath them.

I'm not sad.

It's true. I may be wading through both the mess of my life before now and the disaster of my lengthy hospital stay, but I'm…okay.

It hits me when I break through the trees and walk into a small clearing. I'm okay.

Especially when I realize where I am. I've taken a different route than I normally do, but when I see the large rocks and hear the churning of the water in the distance, I realize I'm at the cliff.

My cliff.

The same one I escaped to in high school and the place I chose to end it all. The same one.

I never thought I would see this place again.

And it hits me harder than I expect.

By the time I'm at my rock, I can hardly see straight; my tears have blurred everything around me. I fall in a heap onto the hard surface, still cool to the touch beneath my leggings. Pulling my knees to my chest, I nestle into Charlie's hoodie, not bothering to wipe the tears that fall from my face into the warm material.

These rocks, the steady flow of the water below me, know all my secrets. They know about Renee and how I was a part of her life, but not her priority. They saw the money I saved selling my own body as a way to get the fuck away from her and this town. They heard the shouts of rage I screamed into the air that night.

They saw me swallow my last pill. They saw me fall to the ground, alone and ready for my time in this wretched life to come to an end.

They saw Charlie save me.

It makes me smile through my tears as the sun peeks through the trees in the early morning. I still can't believe I'm here, that I ever would be at a point in my life where the darkness was behind me.

Possibly for good.

I know I'll always need my own space. Need to process the world at my own pace and in my own time. I also know there are people in this world who are waiting for me to succeed. They're in my corner, the one I never thought I'd have.

—-m—-

"How was that today? Being on your cliff?"

Elizabeth Platt sits behind her large, sleek desk in an office building in downtown Forks. The outside of the building isn't much to look at, but Elizabeth has taken pride in the transformation within the four walls of the room she rents for her practice. There's another chair she could sit in, a little closer to the chair she uses for her patients, but maybe she knows I still prefer my distance over closeness.

"Fine, I guess. Emotional." I answer her cautiously, grateful I have someone to talk to after carrying my life's weight for so long. I'm still guarded, still getting used to putting my trust in someone other than myself, but I try to make my time with Elizabeth productive.

It's a lot to ask someone like me, who never once in an entire lifetime shared…anything, let alone such a significant and vulnerable piece of themselves.

Again, I'm trying.

"I can imagine." She says in her sympathetic way that helps me feel understood, not pitied.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to expand on that?"

Her words penetrate the silence like a knife. I see Elizabeth twice a week, and in the month I've been with Charlie and Sue, I've talked about my mother and the cliff only once. I glazed over details of my childhood, mostly acknowledging that it had been difficult and was what had led me to the cliff that night. But those memories are still locked somewhere deep within me, and I don't see myself sharing them anytime soon.

With anyone.

I sit back against the couch in Elizabeth's office. "I just wasn't expecting it. I've been up there thousands of times since I was a kid, but I just never went that way for whatever reason," I answer truthfully. "It took me by surprise."

"Of course."

"It felt different this time."

"How so?"

"I don't know," I say after a minute of thinking it over in my head. I have my theories, but they're still so new and jumbled it's hard to make sense of. I shrug and offer up one of them. "Maybe I took less of me up there this time. I no longer have to worry about the same things anymore. To be honest, I wasn't really worried about much of anything."

She nods with a gentle smile. "I bet it was enlightening."

"Yes," I run my fingers through my hair. "Kind of made me think there was more out there for me. Things I never thought myself worthy of or things I've forgotten because of how deep in my depression I was."

She nods and makes a note. "And are the meds working?"

"I think so," I respond, even though I'm not entirely sure. "But I do wonder if I was depressed or just surrounded by people who did nothing but bring me down my whole life."

"We can always ween you off if you think they're more of a deterrent than a help for you."

I shake my head quickly. "I'm okay with them. For now." I sigh before continuing. "I think I'm…happy?"

It's still a question; I have no idea how to really tell if what I'm feeling is actually happiness. I just know I wake up feeling different. I look forward to small things like my morning coffee or trying Sue's latest homecooked meal.

I look forward to waking up each day knowing I don't have to slog my way through life. Is that happiness?

"You're not used to that."

"Never had a reason to be," I reply.

"You sound like you're on the path to changing that."

"Maybe."

A buzz on her desk makes us both shift our gaze to the clock.

"Time's up. See you in a few days, Bella."

I'm already looking forward to it.

—-m—-

Charlie is always around on the days I meet with Elizabeth. Somehow his schedule allows him to be there for me, and even though he swears he didn't change his schedule, I know him well enough now not to believe him.

Another small thing I look forward to is the car ride with Charlie to and from my therapy sessions twice a week.

"All good?" He asks as I open the front door and climb into the passenger seat.

"Yep. We'll see what happens between now and Friday," I joke, referring to my next appointment. A lot can happen in a few days' time, but I'm doubtful anything will arise that would be a cause for concern. I've grown comfortable in the routine I've created for myself. Enjoying the fact, I still somehow feel in control despite me living under someone else's roof after living alone for as long as I have. The day I walked out of Renee's apartment the week before I graduated high school was the day my own life really began; besides the hours I spent working at the diner, I was alone. I answered to no one other than myself, created my own rules to follow, and made sure to steer clear of situations that would make me relent that control to anyone other than myself. I ignored the debauchery that occurred in my less than stellar apartment building and kept my head up for survival as high as I could, even when I knew I was in over my head.

There wasn't a specific incident that drew me to the cliff that night. I just woke up one morning and was so incredibly tired of it all. Tired of the straining hours on my feet as I worked job to job, trying to keep a dilapidated and dangerous roof over my head. Tired of the daydreams I would have of the money Renee had stolen and how it could have bettered my life. Eventually, the patterns of my life had won. I wasn't able to see past the strength and predictability of those patterns, so I saw no other alternative than to put an end to the life I had the unfortunate luck to be granted.

But now, I can go for days without feeling that desperate pull to remember the traumas of my past. Are those memories gone completely? No. I don't think there will ever be a time when I don't think of them.

But I can see being here with Charlie and Sue has given me a soft place to land. I can wake up at my leisure, as sometimes my mind and body need the type of rest that comes with being safe and secure in one's surroundings, and I can appreciate time allowing my wounds to heal.

Healing the physical wounds is easy, and even though the invisible wounds are twice as deep and full of ghosts of my past, I think I can find myself here.

So even though I make light of the three short days between now and my next visit with Elizabeth, I'm pretty confident I'm in a healthy place right now.

"Hopefully, nothing," Charlie says, noting my humor but still acknowledging the truth behind my words. "It seems to be going in that direction, though. You don't seem to be as anxious between appointments."

"I'm not," I reply, pressing the button on the car door to make the window creep down a crack. I breathe in the incoming air, the soft peek of the sun hitting my face and the wind blowing my hair gently behind me. "It's been…quiet."

"I think I prefer you that way," Charlie laughs and turns onto the street of our neighborhood.

"What's going to happen when your house is full of noisy children? The opposite of me?" I laugh as well and hit him gently in the shoulder. "You're going to miss these days having a quiet person living under your roof."

"I'm enjoying them while they last," he replies and looks over at me with a knowing smile on his face. It's almost…fatherly. Paternal.

I love it immediately.

"Me too."

Cleaning his throat, Charlie pulls us into the driveway and nods towards the house. "Harry dropped off dinner for tonight," he says. "Fish Fry sound good?"

"Sounds great," I say, suddenly ravenous. Unbuckling my seat belt, I make my way into the kitchen to help Sue with dinner. She's already busy, as usual, taking the ingredients out of the refrigerator for a fresh salad to go with the fish fry. Without a word, I reach for the cutting board and knife, and the two of us begin our nightly routine of preparing our meal for the three of us. We work in sync, talking animatedly about our day and my session with Elizabeth. I may prefer my space in the morning, but this is how I like to spend my evenings.

I allow myself time to grieve over a childhood I lost, one I was deprived of, but they always pull me back in to remind me it's never too late to be accepted.

They've accepted me into their home, flaws and all, and still welcome me into their lives like I was the one they've been waiting for all this time.

We eat dinner outside on the deck, listening to each other and the choir of rustling trees and chirping birds. I feel it everywhere, spreading like a virus in my veins, and I need them to know.

"Thank you," I say through tears. Charlie and Sue look at each other before each of them reach for both my hands, giving them a squeeze.

"Thank you, Bella."

—-m—-

I wake up the next morning to cloudy skies with the threat of rain, but it doesn't deter me from my daily walk. It does, however, keep me in bed a little longer than planned. The gray pallor of the clouds seep into my bedroom like a languid quilt, wrapping me up in its comfort and lulling me back to sleep no matter how many times my eyes tried to stay open.

Listen to your body, Elizabeth had told me in one of our first sessions. If my body craved sleep, that is what I would give it.

Once I was ready to start my day, both physically and mentally, I had gotten dressed and slipped my shoes on to begin my walk through Forks.

For summer approaching, it's still comfortably cool in the morning, so I enjoy myself as I make my way downtown. Today, instead of disappearing into the woods, I walk along the sidewalk and head closer to the shops. There aren't many in Forks, which is why most people prefer to do their shopping in either Seattle or Port Angeles, but I'm not here to buy anything.

I'm not here for anything, really, other than to continue my walk to wherever my feet lead me. My head is clear, and my spirit is optimistic as I take in the town with new eyes. I have walked these streets so many times since Renee and I moved here when I was in high school, but I was always running away from someone or something, with one eye over my shoulder in warning.

This time, I have no reason to run. Renee is long gone; I haven't spoken to her since the day I walked out of her apartment without my money. I stop outside the windows of the shops, not focused on the items in the windows.

I do it because I can. Because one day, I can see myself buying something for myself out of pleasure rather than necessity.

Satisfied with my reasoning, I continue my walk, my sneakers scuffing the sidewalk softly as I make my way down the rest of the street and then left when I reach the stop sign. I stop when I'm staring at a simple, one-story brick building.

I've never gone into this building, even when I was a kid, and I decide now would be a good time to change that.

Once I'm inside Forks Public Library, I feel like I've been called home.

And I don't understand it. Not a bit of it.

I've never been here before, yet I walk down the rows of books like they're mine, and this place belongs to me. I feel secrets in these aisles, nestled beneath the pages of the books on the shelves.

I feel a peace, a longing to stay, a voice who whispers this is where I need to be.

"Here for what?" I whisper as I place a random Golfing for Dummies book back into its rightful place.

Later that night, I discover the answer to my question in my dreams.

And unbeknownst to me, later tonight, across the country, someone else dreams the same dream as I do.

"You left," I accuse with a shake of my voice. I'm looking at the figure before me, his body tall and lean in the shadows of the room we're in. Even though I can't see his face, I know he's important because of the sadness rushing through my body. It's grief so strong it's hard for me to lift my way through it, even though I still try, so I can get a better look at my dream-time companion.

He doesn't give me a chance to look at him before speaking.

"I had to," he insists, and I can hear the honesty in his voice as he pleads for me to understand. "Leaving you was the hardest thing I had to do."

"So why did you?" I retort, crossing my arms over my chest.

"He made me," the man answers with a sigh. "I had no choice."

I tilt my head in question. "Who?"

"Emmett. My brother."

My involuntary gasp of air catches him off guard, and he steps into the light and closer to me as I'm uttering the words, "I know Emmett."

He's standing in front of me now, the light from wherever we are in this shared dream casting him aglow in fluorescents. I take in the chiseled jaw, the hair that begs to be pulled, his voice dripping like liquid velvet. He reaches for me, and I accept his outreached hand. "You do?"

"He took me back here," I answer matter-of-factly, closing my eyes as I commit this physical moment between us to memory. When my hand is fully engulfed in his, he pulls me forward, into his chest. I look up at him now, his eyes meeting mine in a gaze so intense I feel like crying.

"Where is here?" He whispers, my eyes closing as he rests his chin against the top of my head. He sways us back and forth to what feels like a song of our own. I have no complaints because I melt into his embrace as if I'm back in his arms after being suddenly ripped away from him without our doing.

"I'm not sure," I answer because it's true. Other than losing myself to him, I don't know where I am in this dream.

"How can I find you if you can't tell me where he took you?" He says against the top of my head, his lips moving down to rest against my temple.

I lose my breath, and his arms wrap tighter around my waist.

"You're going to find me?" I ask through my tears as my arms wrap around his neck, my fingers weaving through the hair at his nape.

He pauses and then sighs. "I think I have to."

"Please," I find myself begging. I pull back and stare at him, his eyes of green molding with mine of brown. "Please find me. You don't know how long I've waited for you."

"Where are you?" He asks again, the urgency of his voice making me wish I could remember. The name of the town slips from my memory, especially when he pulls me back to him again and his lips find the spot beneath my ear.

"I'm home," I cry again in a whisper. "I'm waiting for you."

"I will find you," he repeats before covering my mouth with a kiss so strong it makes the dream shift, so we're surrounded by aisle after aisle of books from all days and times. Even though our worlds are disappearing and fading into others, his lips on mine never falter. He holds me in place, both hands holding my face as his mouth slants and dances with mine.

"Bella?"

My own name interrupts our kiss, and we look over to see the librarian I had seen at Forks' Library earlier that day. She's calling my name, showing me an application to work there, and when I look back at him, he's almost gone.

I hear a female voice, anxious for him to wake up. "Edward!"

"I'll find you, Bella!" He shouts.

It's the last thing I hear before waking up with the taste of Edward Cullen still on my lips.

And miles away in Jacksonville, Florida, he wakes in the middle of the night with my name falling from his lips.

"Bella."

Full disclosure: I can't write these last four chapters and epilogue without crying through them LOL. I have my reasons for the date (which I'll share on said date) - but the epilogue will post on July 31st. I'll explain why then.

Until then, review and let me know how you think they'll connect!

Also, if you're not following already, I've been posting my Drabble, Found Missing, daily! Make sure you follow it on my author page so you can keep up :)