PART TWO ( NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY ) CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

016 || Dying is Easy (Living is Harder)

"in which aurelia black and neville longbottom have a heart to heart about death"

x

"WELL, OKAY, SAY You-Know-Who really is back, what's to say Black didn't murder on his orders," Fay Dunbar is saying to Lavender Brown, "Did you lot see how the danced around Cedric's death? They must be —"

"Excuse me," Ginny says, "Can you kindly shut the fuck up, Dunbar?"

Dunbar looks affronted by Ginny's confrontation and goes to argue but she falls short when she sees Aurelia standing behind Ginny; she'd heard everything. Dunbar looks mortified, grimacing as she struggles to think of something to say.

"Uh, love your hair! It's so nice and sparkly," Dunbar says, smiling falsely.

Aurelia sneers at her, turning her shimmering gold curls to a dark, angry red "Fuck you."

"Fair enough," Dunbar says weakly.

Ginny rolls her eyes "Merlin, Dunbar, you bloody loudmouth!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know Black was right there!"

Aurelia feels like she could just sink into the abyss, any excitement she had felt going into this had turned into a dull ache in her chest. Did everyone here really think that she murdered Cedric? Did they even want to learn from her or are they just here for Harry?

"You shouldn't have said it at all," Ginny says, glaring heatedly.

"I didn't murder Cedric, I'm not a murderer," Aurelia says numbly but she's starting to feel like one, "But, it's my fault he's dead."

Finally the tears that have been burning her eyes for the past few minutes fall down her cheeks, the memories of that night tear through her mind, that green light, Voldemort's face, Goyle's laugh, Cedric's horrified, dead eyes, and — "KILL THE SPARE!"

Aurelia blinks the green light flashes behind her eyes and for a moment, she thinks she's back in the graveyard, under attack. No, She tells herself quickly, no, you're at Hogwarts, that's not real — it's not happening now or again, they're only memories.

But, she feels like she's back in the crossfire of Harry and Voldemort and any moment now Goyle's going to attack her. It's alright, it's okay, you're safe. Aurelia turns on her heel, ignoring Lavender, Dunbar, and Ginny's quizzical looks. She needs space, she needs air. It feels like there's someone sitting on her chest.

Any moment now. She tenses, no! She struggles to take a deep breath, Goyle isn't here, she isn't coming to get you, she isn't — someone grabs her shoulder — it's Goyle!

No, it's only Neville "Hey, Ari!"

Startled, Aurelia wheels around on him, gasping: "What?"

She breathes shakily, tugging the Hufflepuff scarf around her neck loose.

"I — well, you just rushed out of there, I wanted to make sure that you were alright —"

"I'm not alright," Aurelia says tiredly.

The concerned look on Neville's face makes her regret saying anything. Her throat constricts, tears threaten to spill again, and she shudders. It feels strange to admit it, wrong almost. She knows it's not though, Atticus tells her that it's alright to say that she's not alright but this is the first time she's ever directly admitted she's not alright and it feels odd. Aurelia feels like she should have a joke to add to it but she's doesn't — plain and simple: she's not alright.

"I'm not alright, Plant Boy," She says again but in a firmer tone then she laughs dryly, "I haven't been alright since Goyle put my — since she threw my name in that goblet. Did you know I watched her do it! I watched her place my name in the goblet thinking that it was Noelle's name! I watched her ruin my life and I didn't even know! I haven't — I'll never be alright again! Atticus says I'm going to get better and sometimes — well, sometimes I think I am but then I just end up worse and — and — and everyone thinks I murdered Cedric. They think I'm a murderer and I — I'm starting to think it's true, as much as I hate it. It is my fault he died so — well, doesn't that make what they say true?"

She hated the label at first but the more she thinks about it the more she thinks they're right. Maybe he hadn't died at her hands but she still failed to save him so wouldn't she be a murderer? Neville opens his mouth to argue that Cedric Diggory's death was not her fault but she's not done with her rant so he promptly closes his mouth the minute she starts speaking again.

"Wouldn't it? If I had tired harder — if I had know what I was capable of — maybe, just maybe I could have saved him."

"Ari, it's not your fault," Neville says softly.

"It is," Aurelia insists, "It is. It — the curse — it just went through me . . . Neville it should've been me that died that night —"

"Don't say that, Ari!"

"It's true," Aurelia hisses back at him, she takes long strides down the streets of Hogsmeade, and Neville struggles to keep up with her. It's crowded. Aurelia can scarcely breathe, why are there so many people? She tugs at her scarf to loosen it again.

"Ari, it's not," Neville says breathily, struggling to keep her pace.

"It is," Aurelia insists again in a hushed whisper, "The curse hit me!"

She doesn't want anyone to overhear her. Over the chatter of the crowds, it'd be nearly impossible too but Aurelia doesn't want to take that chance. Neville blinks, believing — hoping that he had misheard her. Aurelia had spoken so quietly, it was likely that he missed a few words of what she had said — he hopes. Certainly, he couldn't have heard her say that she was hit by the Killing Curse, she'd be dead — wouldn't she? Unless Goyle had missed again.

"You . . . You were hit by the Killing Curse," Neville questions, giving Aurelia a curious look, he must've misheard her. Oh, please let him have heard her wrong.

"Aye, I was," Aurelia says defensively, "I know what I felt . . . It was horrible."

Aurelia still couldn't describe the feeling, it was worse than the Cruciatus Curse, worse than any pain she's ever felt before. No pain would ever compare it, it seems since then her pain tolerance has gone up — at least her physical pain tolerance has. And it left a mark, she didn't realise that it had until a few weeks after the fact. They were at Grimmauld Place and Aurelia had been taking an extra long shower to avoid Lyra when she stumbled across a patch skin that was many degrees cooler than the rest of her flesh.

It almost had a lightning bolt look to it — almost like Harry's scar but it's on her ribs and it's more circular in shape with jagged edge that reached out a few centimetres across her chest. The mark certainly isn't as cool to look at as Harry's is and it's a good thing that it's on her chest instead.

"Voldemort wanted Cedric dead and Goyle was more than willingly to kill him but I wasn't. I wasn't going to let anyone kill Cedric, my friend and so I jumped in front of it."

Neville lets out a horrified strangled gasp "You what?"

"Kill the spare!"

Aurelia rubs at her eyes, that bloody green light won't leave her alone. She keeps speed-walking down the streets of Hogsmeade, trying to get away from the crowds and shake the feeling that something horrid is going to happen; Neville keeps trailing behind her.

"You what," Neville repeats after a moment of silence.

He certainly doesn't want to force anything out of her but she can't leave him hanging with that only that information. Neville about had a heart attack when she first said that she had been hit by the curse and knowing she willing jumped in front of it did nothing to help. Although she had obviously survived it, the thought of it alone was enough to make Neville cry.

The crowds are starting to thin out, Aurelia's almost at the edge of Hogsmeade Village and she's got no intention of stopping. What she wants is to get back to Hogwarts, there's still a few hours left of the Hogsmeade trip but Aurelia doesn't want to sit around and wait for it to end.

Aurelia nearly screams as someone grabs her from behind. It's only Neville, he's only hugging her but still, she remains on edge, waiting for something horrid because she knows something horrid is going to happen, she can feel it in her bones. Her heart races, for a split second she thought it was someone attacking her and the panic she felt had been enough to bring fresh tears to her eyes.

"Let me go," Aurelia croaks out, feeling trapped in his hold.

Neville lets go of her at once "What?"

She can tell by the sound of his voice that he's crying and she hopes that it's not because she told him to let her go. Glancing over her shoulder, she's met with a red-faced Neville with tears rolling down his chubby cheeks and he's breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry," They say at the same time.

They both look away from each other, blushing. Neville picks up his pace so that he's now walking beside her, he clears his throat and wipes his eyes before speaking: "You didn't really step in front of a — of a bloody Killing Curse?"

"Aye, I did," Aurelia says, nodding slowly.

Neville gives another gasp of horror, tears threatening to fall once again "But — but, why? You — you could have —"

"Died," Aurelia says, "Aye, I know . . . But, I — I didn't want Cedric to die. I couldn't — I just couldn't let that happen and I just jumped in front of it. All I really cared about was saving Cedric. He would've done the same for me, I would do it again if I had to — I'd done the same for Mae, Ellie, you —"

"You — you'd die for me," Neville gasps, wide-eyed with awe as he stares at Aurelia.

"Without a doubt."

She doesn't hesitate, doesn't even blink and Neville's cheeks grow warm again, he gives her a small smile "I'd die for you too."

He says it simply, he doesn't hesitate either, not as he says it. But, he wonders would he really be able to die for Aurelia if the time called for it; would he be brave enough?

Aurelia gives him a lopsided grin "Please don't."

"But, you said —"

"Well, yeah, because you're worth it, Plant Boy."

"So are you, Sunflower Girl."

Aurelia smiles again, she extends her hand for Neville to hold, he smiles as well and intertwines their fingers together. They walk in silence for awhile, Neville not having the faintest clue where Aurelia's going but he follows her anyway.

He hesitates before asking how she survived because he doesn't want to overwhelm her but eventually curiosity gets the best of him and he asks it nevertheless.

At the question, Aurelia tenses up. After a few seconds she takes a deep breath and frowns; chewing on her lip she wonders if she should tell him what she is. What she has always been.

A Donum Vitae — a Half-breed.

She scowls thinking of the books Neville had given her, the books that he had gotten from Abigale. The books that informed her that she's a Half-breed, a type of rare species. The first (or last, honestly she's not sure which one she is) of her kind, her children would more than likely be Donum Vitae, meaning they'd become a magical species of quite the rarest forms. She's a Half-breed, her nose wrinkles at the thought, she not to happy about that revelation.

"You don't have to tell me . . . If you don't want to." Neville says softly.

Aurelia blinks "Uh, well . . . It's just that it's a . . . It's a long story."

"Well, we've got time." Neville says, "If you want to tell me, that is."

Aurelia chews on her lower lip again, rough enough to draw blood "Well. . ."

Once again panic engulfs her, what if he thinks she's crazy or what if he doesn't believe her.

"It was Blood Magic, which apparently isn't a myth, that's what saved me . . ." She pauses, "That's what killed Cedric . . . The curse it — it just burned straight through me and killed him anyway . . . I couldn't save him . . . He didn't deserve to die."

"Neither do you."

They remind her of Cedric's words, she blinks back tears and sniffles.

"Weren't you scared, though? That this Blood Magic thing wouldn't work?"

"I didn't even know I had it until afterwards," Aurelia says.

"So . . . You thought you were going to die for good and you just — you weren't scared?"

"Terrified," Aurelia says, "I was terrified — I didn't want to bloody die. But, the thought — knowing that I was dying for someone I loved made it feel . . . Easy."

Neville gives Aurelia a starry-eyed look, the kind of look George gives Elliot, Aurelia smiles softly at Neville, squeezing his hand.

"Dying is easy . . . Much easier than what I'm going through now."

"You don't have to face this on your own," Neville says, "I'm here for you . . . So is Olivia, Susan, and Hannah. You never have to go through this alone, we can help . . . I want to help."

Aurelia smiles sadly, wishing more than anything she can tell him everything (he'd certainly change his mind then!), she leans over and kisses his cheek "Thank you."

X

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

TreeStar's saying is without a doubt, which is funny because they're characters with a lot of doubts ( about themselves ) AND I feel so alive using the saying between them for the first time. I love TreeStar so much, they're my soft children and they make me so happy. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter please let me know what you thought of it in the comments, your thoughts/feedback means a lot to me!