Rating: NC-17 rating for content, not smut. Suicide is mentioned but not carried out.

Chapter 38

B.P.D. Homicide Bullpen – Saturday at 8:50 a.m.

"Bloody hell," I say when I see the message from Dr. Isles. I turn to Byron and order, "Byron, check the cameras at the house. I think Dr. Isles just gave Brittany and Darlene the slip."

"You're kidding," Detective Rizzoli says.

Something catches my eye, and when I order Byron to zoom in, I just can't believe my eyes. I can see that Brittany is out cold on the floor. Which means Darlene is too. I look at my stunned audience and ask, "What did she give them? I'm bloody assuming that Dr. Isles didn't kill them."

"Of course, she didn't kill them. She gave them something to put them to sleep," Detective Rizzoli mumbles as he nervously rubs the back of his head.

"What did she give them?" I ask again.

"Are they okay?" Martin interjects.

"Yes, they're okay, and Maura didn't give them anything bad. She used an injection to knock out the lieutenant when he was hell-bent on killing Paddy Doyle. It was years ago, and we don't remember the name of the medication. But I assure you, they will wake up," Detective Korsak explains.

"Send two officers to the house to check on my people. And find Constance Isles. She's with your Chief. In the meantime, let's get to the address Dr. Isles texted me before it's too bloody late," I angrily order.

This has never happened before. I can't believe that Dr. Isles knocked out two of my people. Bloody hell, I underestimated her. It's a mistake I won't repeat. Korsak runs into Cavanaugh's office and begs for all the backup he can arrange quickly.

To their credit, we are on the road in less than 15 minutes.

34 Orchard St - Boston – Saturday 9:08 a.m.

As I pull up to the address, I can't help but feel complete dread. My only objective is to save my Jane. That's all that matters. To cover my bases, I texted Mr. Grant the address and told him to send someone to the house to check on Dr. Lewis and Ms. Harvey. I'm already starting to feel guilty for what I've done.

I shake my head and try to live in this moment. I'll deal with the repercussions later. I grab my cute little pink gun. It may be pink and look like a toy, but it's lethal. Of that, there's no doubt, and more importantly, they will never see it coming.

When I arrive at the door, my first instinct is to knock, but the hell with manners. I open the door and walk into a big open space. The house seems to be in the middle of being rehabbed. To my surprise, Paddy isn't alone.

I glare at his companion and ask, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to save you, honey," Dr. Hope Martin answers.

"You helped him escape, didn't you?" I ask Hope in disgust. Of course, she helped him.

"I arranged for the jet, and I talked him into helping me save you from that woman," Hope answers in disdain.

"I don't need any saving. I want to see Jane," I answer while meeting Paddy Doyle's gaze.

"Rizzoli doesn't matter anymore. You need to come with your mother and me. That fucking cop is putting your life in danger, Maura. All we want is to keep you safe," Paddy explains.

I can't help but laugh. I look at both and answer, "You expect us to turn into a happy little family? You're both delusional. I hate that I have your blood running through my veins. I want nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing. What's happening isn't Jane's fault, and she's more than willing to die for me."

"Well, she's going to get her wish. She's going to die for you," Hope coldly says.

"Maura, we're running out of time. I can protect you from the Apprentices' better than any fucking cop," Paddy says.

"I want to see Jane," I angrily repeat.

"She's dead," Paddy answers.

Hearing those words made my heart stop. Just stop. It feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. With tears in my eyes, I yell, "I want to see Jane!"

"Maura," Hope begins, but I interrupt by screaming, "I want Jane!"

"This isn't getting us anywhere," Paddy says to Hope.

I pull the gun from the small of my back, and I point it to my temple and scream, "I want Jane! And if she's dead, so am I!"

For once in Paddy's life, he's speechless. He never imagined his daughter would ever touch a weapon, never mind threaten suicide. But from the look in my eyes, he knows I'm not bluffing.

"Maura, honey, calm down and give me that gun," Hope answers cautiously as she begins to get close to me.

She can't be dead. She just can't. I would have felt something if she had left me forever. I point my gun at Hope to stop her progress and continue to yell. "I want Jane, and I want her now!"

Paddy puts his hands up in defeat and whistles. That did something because I can hear people moving upstairs. I'm not prepared for what I see in the next minute.

One of Paddy's men tosses Jane on the floor in front of me like she's trash. This infuriates me, and when I examine her, I find that Jane has been shot in the shoulder and is bleeding profusely. The bullet must have nicked her brachial nerve and maybe broken a bone. I shake her and call her name, but she's unconscious. Her skin is cold and clammy, and her face is so pale. This is not good.

I glare at Hope and yell, "You're a doctor! Did you forget the Hippocratic oath?! You could have stopped the bleeding. The bullet hit the brachial nerve in her arm. It's a miracle she's still alive. A first-year medical student could have done a better job in binding her wound."

Hope shrugs her shoulders and answers me, "It would be better if she died."

"You lured her here to kill her, didn't you? You have no idea who are Hoyt's Apprentices, do you?" I angrily ask as I tend to Jane.

"Who Hoyt's Apprentices are doesn't matter anymore. As long you're with us, nobody can touch you. It's Rizzoli's fault she got shot. When she heard that I contacted you, she tried to escape," Paddy coldly explains.

"When was she shot?" I ask Hope.

"Roughly, an hour ago," Hope says nonchalantly.

I take the information in, and I quickly conclude that Jane is running out of time. I take off my belt to use as a tourniquet and use my jacket to stop the bleeding. When I tightened the belt on her arm, she screams, and I whisper, "I'm so sorry, love. I need to stop the bleeding."

I don't think she understands what I'm saying. She's moaning and clearly in pain.

I glare at my so-called parents and coldly state, "I left a note and texted this address, so the authorities are on their way. F.B.I., B.P.D., S.W.A.T., absolutely everybody. So if I were you, I'd run while I still can."

"We're not leaving without you, Maura. If you want to save her, you will have to come with us and cut all ties with her," Paddy states emphatically.

"If you come with us, this will be over, and Jane can get medical help. Honey, please come with us," Hope pleads.

"I refuse. I'd never go anywhere with either one of you. I will never leave Jane, and if she dies, I'm dead too," I passionately answer as I put the gun back to my temple. If Jane dies, I'll pull the trigger. I won't allow for their plan to succeed, and I refuse to go on without her.

"Maura," Hope begins but is interrupted when I scream, "There's no changing my mind! Nothing that you say will make me leave her, and I guarantee both of you that I'm as good as dead if she dies! So, everything you've done will all be for nothing. You hear me. Nothing!

"Maura, be reasonable. I promise that she'll get immediate medical attention once we walk out of here. We're doing this for your good," Paddy calmly explains. In reality, if looks could kill Paddy, Doyle would be dead. I wish Jane had killed him. To think I almost last my relationship with Jane because of this man makes my skin crawl.

"Reasonable? Really? You want me to be reasonable as Jane bleeds to death. Jane is bleeding to death in front of both of you, and neither of you could care less. Neither of you has any humanity. She's a doctor who forgot our most sacred oath. I can see how you fell in love with her. You're both despicable. Neither of you are my parents! Constance and Arthur Isles are my parents! You hear me; you're both dead as far as I'm concerned!" I shout.

Hope looks to Paddy and orders, "We're running out of time. Tell one of your men to grab her, and let's go. She hasn't broken out in hives, so I know she isn't lying to us about anything."

When I see a man approaching me, I raise my weapon and fire. Everybody is taken aback, including me. No one ever imagined that I could pull the trigger, but I'm willing to do absolutely anything to protect Jane. The man drops, and I have absolutely no idea where I hit him. If I end up in prison again, so be it. The noise brings Jane around. She moans, "Maura."

"It's me, love," I softly answer as I grip my gun hard.

"Give me the gun, baby," Jane groans.

I'm in so much shock that I don't second guess her request. When Jane takes my weapon, Paddy pulls out his, but he's too late. Jane is faster and shoots him in the chest, making him collapse. Hope is immediately tending to him as more of Paddy's men run into the room.

Hope is screaming, "You killed your father! How could you?!"

Thankfully, his men are more interested in rendering aid to Paddy than they are in killing Jane. I know that this isn't over. If Paddy dies, there will be a bullseye on her for probably the rest of her life. His family will try to avenge Paddy at any cost. And I'll protect her against anyone, so I grab my gun again. If anyone of them gets anywhere near us, I'll fire again.

To my relief, I hear someone kicking in a door. But by then, Jane is unconscious again. I cradle Jane in my lap and yell for help. She needs a hospital, and she needs it now.

34 Orchard St – Boston – Saturday 10:21 a.m.

"Where the bloody hell is your .T. team and, for that matter, the F.B.I., Cavanaugh? And you better get medical personnel here, now. There's no telling what shape either of them is in." I say to Lt. Cavanaugh as we arrive at the address.

"Look, an ambulance is on the way, I called Dean, and he said his people are on their way, too. He's in D.C., so he isn't showing up, and S.W.A.T needs at least 30 minutes to stage and roll out on any operation," Lt. Cavanaugh explains.

"We can't wait that long. Paddy Doyle will be gone by the time the S.W.A.T. team gets here. If we want to catch him, we have to make entry right now," Mr. Sanders points out.

"He's right," Detective Rizzoli adds.

"It's too dangerous for us to go in. Let's wait for the S.W.A.T. team and the F.B.I.," Detective Graham says. I can hear the fear in his tone.

"I agree with Detective Graham," Officer Avery adds.

"You're fucking cowards," Detective Korsak angrily answers as he glares at his colleagues.

"We don't have time for this. If your men are too bloody frightened to do their duty, I will go in with my team, and you can wait here for your backup," I answered coldly. Cowardice in a law enforcement officer makes me sick.

Then there's the sound of a gun being discharged.

I don't wait for a reply. I order, "Martin and Sanders, you take the back entrance. Armstrong and I will breach the front door."

"Wait a fucking minute. Avery, you and Graham join Ms. Martin and Mr. Sanders. Frankie, Korsak, and I will go with Mr. Grant and Mr. Armstrong," Cavanaugh orders.

"But Lieutenant," Avery begins, but Cavanaugh angrily interrupts, "Fine, don't go, and I'll bring both of you up on charges of cowardice, and that will be the end of both your careers. Now, are you going to do your fucking duty or not?"

Both men look at each other and finally nod their heads. Not that it matters. I'm sure they'll hang back. I just hope they don't bloody shoot Sanders or Martin in the back. Because if that happens, they won't be alive to attend any bloody disciplinary hearing. I look at Cavanaugh and say, "We go now."

We get into position quickly and breach the residence. In the next minute, all hell breaks loose.

R&I

I cover Jane's body with mine as soon as I hear gunfire and pray that we don't get shot. As soon as the door was kicked in, the gunfire started. Vince, Frankie, and Cavanaugh are yelling, "Police! Police! Police!"

Paddy's men respond by opening fire. I keep my head down and wait. There is nothing more I can do. My ears are ringing. All I want is for this to be over so that Jane can get to a hospital.

I'm beyond relieved that the cavalry has finally arrived.

I don't know how much time passes. I don't look up until I feel Mr. Armstrong shaking my shoulder and see that Frankie's mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out of it. After a minute, my hearing comes back, and I hear Mr. Armstrong say, "She's in shock, and the detective needs immediate medical attention."

"She was shot, and the bullet nicked her brachial nerve in her right arm. She's bleeding out," I manage to say.

"Hear the sirens, Maura. The ambulance is almost here," Frankie reassures me as he looks at his sister.

"How is she?" Mr. Grant asks as he kneels beside Jane.

"She's lost a lot of blood. She needs a hospital," I plead.

"Fuck it, come on, Maura. I don't know what the hell is taking the ambulance so long. We'll take her to the hospital ourselves. Armstrong help Maura get up, and I'll pick up Jane," Frankie orders.

"If we move her, she might start bleeding again. She needs an ambulance, Frankie," I plead.

Frankie yells over his shoulder, "Korsak, where the hell is the ambulance! She's losing too much blood!"

"It's pulling up!" Korsak yells back.

Mr. Grant looks at Armstrong and urgently orders, "Drag them in here if necessary, Armstrong."

Mr. Armstrong runs out, and I swear only a minute passes before I see him wheeling in the gurney. The two paramedics are running after him. Mr. Armstrong and Mr. Grant waste no time. They quickly load her on the gurney and push the gurney towards the ambulance. The paramedics are speechless. As Mr. Armstrong and Mr. Grant load her into the ambulance, I climb in behind her. I see Mr. Armstrong shove one paramedic to the front, and another joins me in the back of the ambulance.

I quickly tell the paramedic what's wrong, and he gets to work. He applies CELOX RAPID gauze, which quickly stops the bleeding. He immobilizes the arm and hooks her up onto the machines that measure her heartbeat, blood pressure, etc. As he begins an IV, the machines start going crazy.

She's going into shock.

She's flatlining.

And my life is slipping away with hers.

Mass. General E.R. Waiting Room – Saturday at 3:42 p.m.

"Fucking Paddy Doyle better die, or I'm going to finish what Jane started," I promise Korsak and Mr. Grant.

"Frankie, this is not the time for you to get arrested," Korsak answers.

"Then when is it? When Jane dies because of that bastard? Would that be the time?" I growl.

"You need to stay calm. Maura and Jane need us to stay calm," Korsak says.

Maura hasn't said a word since she left Jane's side. New tears continue to run down her face, and she's refused to get cleaned up. Mrs. Isles managed to get her to clean her hands, but that's about it. She's still covered in Jane's blood. The only thing she said was that Jane flatlined, but thankfully the paramedic got her back.

They took Jane into emergency surgery when she arrived, and we haven't heard anything since.

Mr. Grant's team is here. Three are standing outside of the OR, and the other three are here with us. Mrs. Isles walks over and says, "Tell me Hope Martin is going to go away for a very long time."

"She'll never see the light of day. How is she?" I ask as I look at Maura.

"Not well. Maura keeps reliving the ambulance ride over. The only thing that would help for someone to tell us that Jane is going to be okay," Mrs. Isles honestly answers.

"Jane is strong and, more importantly, stubborn. She's going to make it. Just wait and see," Korsak boasts.

Mrs. Isles looks at Korsak and says, "I hope you're right because I don't want to lose my daughter."

That last comment caused silence because we knew that Maura would be irrevocably broken if Jane didn't make it.

We'd lose both of them.

R&I

She's been in surgery for more than five hours, and we haven't gotten a single update. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I need someone to tell me she's going to be okay so that I can breathe again. My chest feels so heavy, and every breath I take hurts. My world is in tatters. And the only way to put it back together is for a doctor to tell me Jane will make it.

To my relief, someone finally calls out, "Rizzoli."

I briskly walk over to the doctor and ask, "How is she?"

I recognize him. He's the same doctor who treated me. Dr. James answers, "She's going to make it. We repaired the damage done to her arm, and she's received several units of blood. She's intubated and should be moved to an I.C.U. in a couple of hours. Someone will come to take you to her room. According to this paperwork, Dr. Isles is in charge, correct?"

"That's right," I answer. Finally. Relief. Jane's going to make it. Now my tears are of relief.

James leaves, and my headache returns. Angela Rizzoli has just arrived, and she's hysterical.

I look at Mother, and she understands. I don't have the strength to deal with Angela Rizzoli.

So she will.

I've never been more grateful that Constance Isles is my Mother than in this moment. She'll protect Jane, and that's all that matters.

R&I

"I want to see my daughter!" Angela wails.

"You can't see her. Jane's barely out of surgery, and she's in recovery now," Mother calmly explains.

"It's all your fault. Because of you, Paddy Doyle almost killed my Janie," Angela cries as she glares at me.

Mother gets in between us and angrily answers, "Oh, stop with your hysterics. You wished Paddy Doyle had killed Jane, or have you forgotten?"

"I only said it out of anger!" Angela answers loudly.

"Enough! Jane doesn't want you here! Leave, Ma!" Detective Rizzoli yells.

"Damn it, Frankie, you should be defending me!" Angela yells back.

"Wishing Jane dead is unforgivable. Now leave!" Detective Rizzoli continues to yell.

Detective Korsak gets in between them and says, "Get out, Angela. Leave on your own, or I'll have an officer drag you out."

"She's my daughter, Vince!"

"You haven't been acting like a mother to Jane in a long time, Angela. Jane wants nothing to do with you. Get out," Vince says more forcibly.

"I won't leave!" Angela continues to yell.

Mother turns to Mr. Grant and orders, "Have our people forcibly drag her out if necessary. Now."

Mr. Grant looks at Mr. Armstrong and Ms. Martin and orders, "Escort Mrs. Rizzoli out but don't hurt her."

Both nod, and when they approach Angela, Ms. Martin says, "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, you're leaving."

Angela eyes Mr. Armstrong and says, "If you put your hands on me, I'll have you arrested."

"Don't worry about that, Armstrong. We can't arrest you if we didn't see anything," Detective Rizzoli answers sarcastically.

"Frankie," Angela begins but is cut off when Detective Rizzoli again yells, "Leave Ma! Just leave!"

Thankfully, Angela finally got the point and walked off. I hope I don't see her any time soon.

Jane's I.C.U. Room – Saturday at 5:20 p.m.

I've been watching her for a little over an hour now. I hate seeing her hooked up to so many machines, but right now, she needs them. She's lost so much blood. It's a miracle she didn't bleed out. It was like the Precinct Siege was happening all over again. I walked out just in time to see Jane shoot herself to get Frankie the help he needed. I could have lost her again. I haven't been able to let go of her hand. And I find myself talking to her even though she probably can't hear me.

"I can't wait for you to wake up, love. I was so worried, so scared that I had lost you," I whisper as I kiss the back of her palm.

I continue, "I think I might be in some serious trouble. I had to ditch our shadows to save you, and I pulled a Cavanaugh again. To be more precise, a syringe of Ativan. There was no way they were going to allow me to go after you, and I knew that if I didn't show up, Paddy would have killed you."

I stop to catch my breath. Talking is making me relive everything that happened. I don't regret saving Jane. But I regret the steps I had to take to accomplish my goal.

I squeeze her hand and ask, "Why did you do that again, Jane? You jumped off that damn bridge again. Don't you know what you mean to me? Don't you know that if you died, it would ruin me? Do I even cross your mind before you jump? When you flatlined in the ambulance, my heart stopped too. I can deal with Jane Rizzoli being a brave officer. I can't deal with Jane Rizzoli being absolutely reckless about her safety."

I continue as fresh tears run down my face, "Don't you know that you come before everything? Absolutely everything. My career, my Mother, our friends, absolutely everybody. I'd quit my job in a heartbeat if it meant being with you. Don't you know that, love?"

I don't know if I can deal with Jane knowingly putting herself in danger. Yes, I understand she's a Homicide Detective. I know that sometimes she must put herself in danger. But jumping off bridges is not in her job description.

I know that this is probably not the time, but I need to tell her how I feel. I need to make her understand that her actions have repercussions. I wish I could make her understand that if she'd die, I'd die with her. Maybe not physically at first, but I would never recover. I would work myself to death. Day and night, to try to numb the pain.

It's what I did when she left for Virginia. It was the only way I found to cope. And even that wasn't totally successful. I had nights where no matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking of her. Then, before I can continue talking to her, Mother comes in and asks, "Are you okay, darling?"

I close my eyes and take a deep, cleansing breath, and answer, "Not really. I'm angry that Jane ran off. I'm angry that she was so reckless. Going to see Paddy Doyle by herself was practically suicide. He put a hit on her head. The F.B.I. said that he was still upset with her. How could she do that? When she flatlined in the ambulance, my life stopped. I can't lose her; I can't."

"You were even more reckless than Jane, Maura. You ran off to see Paddy too, and you didn't tell a soul. When Aldrich told me, I couldn't believe it. My heart just stopped. What were you thinking?" Mother asks in disbelief.

"That I had to save Jane," Is my simple reply. It's my only reply.

"Well, Jane ran off to save you from the Apprentices. So, I don't see how you can be angry at Jane for doing the same thing you did," Mother explains unhappily.

Damn it, Mother is right. How can I be angry at Jane when I did something even more reckless? I bite my lip and softly answer, "I'm sorry I worried you, Mother."

"I was way past worried, Maura. There was no telling what Paddy Doyle would do," Mother admonishes me.

"I highly doubt Paddy would have hurt me. He wanted me to go with Hope and him to protect me from the Apprentices. They wanted me to sever all ties with Jane. I had to take drastic actions so that I could save her," I explain.

"I want to know exactly what happened. Everything Maura. I don't want to hear it from anybody else but you. So start talking," Mother orders.

I take a deep breath and start talking. I start from the moment I received Paddy Doyle's text message till now. Mother doesn't say a word and listens carefully, and when I finish, I'm surprised to see tears running down her face.

I go to her, and as I hug her, I say, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm so sorry."

Mother pulls away enough to whisper, "You put a gun to your temple. You threatened suicide. If the gun would have discharged for any reason, you'd be dead, Maura. Dead."

"It was the only way I could think of to get Paddy to give me Jane. I was desperate. I couldn't let her die, Mother. As it is, she almost bled to death because neither of those monsters would get her any medical help. My so-called birth mother barely rendered first aid. Paddy's men tossed her at my feet as if she was trash. Trash, Mother. They offered to help her if I went with them, but I couldn't leave her. I had to save her," I softly answered.

"You were beyond reckless, Maura. You went to Paddy's armed. At least Jane knows how to handle a weapon. What would have happened if the man you shot had returned fire? What if the gun had accidentally discharged? You both could have been killed," Mother angrily replies. Tears are still running down her face, but now she's angry too.

"I know that. But I couldn't leave Jane. A few years back, Jane and I got into a horrible fight that almost ended our friendship. And the cause of it was Paddy Doyle. At the time, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I began to see him as my father, and when he showed up on one of our operations to protect me, shots were fired, and Jane shot him. I couldn't believe Jane had shot him and I was very angry with her as she was with me. A few days later, we went to interview a suspect, and his people attacked us. Our car crashed, and my leg went under the dashboard. One of the arteries in my leg was crushed."

"Jesus, why didn't you tell me?" Mother asks, aghast with more tears.

"I don't know. It was before we started to become close. Jane protected me when the suspect's men began shooting at us. We were in the wilderness. We kept going until I couldn't, and Jane performed surgery on my leg with my help. She saved my leg and my life. And even when we were on the worse terms in our relationship, she didn't leave me. And that's why I couldn't leave her either," I explain.

Mother begins to wipe her tears away and stands. She takes a breath, and as she tries to compose herself, she says, "That's not the entire reason you couldn't leave her, Maura. The main reason was and is that you're hopelessly in love with her. Right now, I need to do damage control. Speak to Ms. Harvey and Dr. Lewis. Find out what happened to the man you shot. And find out if you're about to get arrested and charged with a crime. I'll call our lawyers, and in the event, you are arrested, I'll bail you out immediately."

I look down and answer, "The last time I was arrested, I didn't get bail."

"My God," Mother answers as she begins to pace.

"Mother, I'm ready to accept the consequences of my actions, whatever they may be. And I don't regret what I did because I saved Jane from certain death. If I hadn't gone to see Paddy, Jane would have bled to death," I passionately argue.

"Listen to me. You don't talk to anybody from B.P.D. about what happened unless our lawyers are present. I'm going to speak to the lieutenant and Aldrich. I need to know exactly where we stand. From the little you've told me, what happened at Paddy's house was self-defense. Now, what happened with our people is a different story. I'm going to talk to them and see if I can either compensate them or find out if they plan to press charges," Mother explains.

"I want to talk to them and apologize for what I did. Even if they press charges, Mother, I want to apologize," I answer.

"For now, stay here. I'll bring you a change of clothing and food later. I'm going to get in touch with our lawyers and speak to our people. I'll speak to the lieutenant as soon as I can. But please, don't talk about what happened with your friends. Don't forget that they're police officers. It's for your protection, Maura, understand?" Mother pleads.

I nod, and Mother kisses my cheek as she walks out.

Now, I wait to find out what my fate will be.

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading.

See you soon!