Author's Note:
Made a mistake no one has caught yet. All throughout this season I forgot that Jaune already has his keyblade. His version of Tucker's sword that Velvet made. Uhh whoopsies. That mistake is spread throughout this entire season's reaction.
So I might not be able to correct them all, my bad.
Cover Art: Cruz7808
Check my profile for polls and planned fics!
Review, point out mistakes, and flame!
Chapter 20- Three #1 Movies in the Galaxy
"-Of Red vs Blue! Before you start season 12. Here are some short episodes to fill the gap! Two PSA's, one anthology episode, and finally four short promos for season 12!"
"Oh hey Filss is back." Yang sat back.
"Wanna watch these tomorrow or now?" Jaune asked.
"These now." Ruby voted, the others mumbled agreements.
"I say the PSA's and the anthology episode. The season twelve promos can wait. My back is starting to hurt." Yang complained.
Weiss nodded, "Besides we have things to do."
"What are you going to do after this?" Ruby asked.
"Practice. The changes you made to Myrtenaster open up a lot of new attacks I haven't perfected yet." Weiss explained as she tapped Myrtenaster which was held at her side in it's collapsed form. Much like the stun baton Carolina used in season ten.
"Oh and that reminds me!" Ruby gasped and turned to Blake. "After this I need Gambol, I can't wait to work on it again! I need to figure out how to add a detonator and sticky bomb without changing your weapon's weight."
Blake nodded and shrugged, "Okay."
"Geek Week: Red Vs. Blue Blockbuster Trailer" appeared on screen with the theme.
"Geek week." Ruby pointed at the screen as she giggled.
"A whole week dedicated to you." Yang quipped.
"Yang you're just as geeky as me!" Ruby accused.
Yang laughed, "Yeah I know."
"Blockbuster trailer! There's a Red vs Blue movie!" Jaume gasped.
"That would be interesting but.. Filss didn't mention any movies." Ren pointed out.
Washington, Tucker, Caboose, and Freckles are standing in a small huddle, while Sarge walks up to them.
Sarge: "Ahem, hey, Blues. I think it's time we all had ourselves a little talk."
Tucker: "If this is the sex talk, I'd love to make a contribution to the discussion."
Yang chuckled, "He's not experienced for that."
"Immature and childish." Weiss groaned.
"This is before everything that happened." Jaune pointed out. "He matures."
"I know." Weiss sighed.
"I don't want him to mature too much, I like his stupid jokes." Yang admitted.
Sarge: "This is not the sex talk."
Tucker: "Oh…"
Sarge: "Me and the boys have been talking, and we think that now is the right time to make our big move!"
Washington: "What are you talking about?"
Sarge: "Gentlemen, it's high time we made a Red vs Blue movie!"
"Yeah!" Ruby and Nora cheered.
"I'd love a movie about project freelancer." Blake commented.
"A Red vs Blue movie has to be about the reds and the blues." Ruby crossed her arms.
Jaune nodded, "It only makes sense."
Wash, Caboose, and Tucker look at each other for a moment, then turn back to Sarge.
Wash: "But... we do that every year."
Sarge: "No! Not some straight-to-DVD nonsense! I'm talking about a genuine summer blockbuster!"
"Wait, they already have red vs blue movies? Why haven't WE seen them yet!?" Nora shouted.
"They could be compiling all the episodes of a season into one. Much like the way we watch the show." Ren explained.
Tucker: "Hey, I like the sound of that!"
Wash: "Okay... what did you have in mind? What's the story?"
"It's interesting to see them break character while still in character." Pyrrha chuckled.
"I like the idea that Wash has final say in story decisions." Blake smiled.
Sarge: "Heh, heh, story? I said 'blockbuster', Spielberg. Story should be the last thing on our minds."
Blake and Weiss groaned.
"Yep, action movie." Jaune grinned.
"The rule of cool runs everything." Ruby agreed.
"Action can still have a story, it makes the action better does it not?" Weiss asked.
"Season nine and ten are prime examples of that." Pyrrha added.
Ruby nodded, "Yeah I know, but sometimes you don't want to think. You just want to watch explosions and fighting and cool weapons."
Nora and Jaune nodded behind her.
Yang shrugged, "Meh I'll watch whatever keeps me interested."
Wash: "Then, what's it going to be about?"
Sarge: "Excellent question, unit production manager Washington! Which is why I've taken this moment to prepare an incredibly expensive, cinematic movie trailer! Lopez, get the lights."
"Incredibly expensive. Sometimes I think movies spend more money on marketing than on the production itself." Weiss scoffed. "Good marketing doesn't equate to throwing money around."
"And if so much money is being put into a movie, you'd think someone would take the time to take a look at the story. Most incredibly expensive movies have poorly written stories only meant to pander." Blake added.
"People use pandering like it's bad. Pandering just means that they appeal to an audience that isn't you." Jaune crossed his arms.
Blake and Weiss paused and stared at him.
"You may have a point Arc." Weiss huffed.
Lopez turns off the lights.
"The following PREVIEW has been approved for RED AUDIENCES ONLY By the Motion Picture Association of the Galaxy"
"THE FILM ADVERTISED HAS BEEN RATED
R - RESTRICTED [Blues require accompanying Red team member or guardian]
[Language, violence, violent language, the phrase 'cock bite']
" .unsc .com www. Burnie .Com"
"Red audiences only." Nora smirked. "All you blues get out!"
Ruby looked around, "I'm wearing red but I like blue team. Do I go or stay?"
Pyrrha chuckled, "I have the same question."
Nora sagged, "Red team betrayers."
"Hey I like Red team and yellow is closer to red than blue." Yang smiled.
Nora perked up, "Yay! We're accompanying you blues as your guardians."
"I already do that for Ruby at heavily rated movies." Yang smirked.
"It's unfair! I don't care about the boobs or the sex I just want to see the cool fight scenes!" Ruby groaned.
"Well luckily for you, this movie is rated red for it's language, violence, violent language, and the phrase cockbite." Weiss rolled her eyes. "Not nudity."
Yang snickered, "Cockbite, Roosterteeth. I love that joke."
Ruby pointed, "Anyway look! Burnie dot com. Burnie Burns is the guy who voiced Church."
"I wonder why he has a website?" Weiss asked.
"It's probably just a joke." Ren suggested.
A golden banner appears, displaying the words, 'Non Mea Culpa'. Below it are the letters MJC. In the banner, Caboose stands up, and looks around, finally turning to the camera.
Caboose: "Hello!"
"Ha! He's like the Grimm that roars for movies!" Yang pointed out.
"This version is better." Pyrrha smiled. "I wonder what non mea culpa means. It's not english."
"It is likely spanish." Ren nodded.
"Culpa, culpability." Blake hummed. "Non means in the negative.. not or no mea.. culpable."
Pyrrha's eyes flickered with recognition. "Not my fault. Tucker did it."
Blake chuckled, "Non mea culpa, not my fault."
Fade in to Simmons and Grif standing outside the Red Base on Valhalla.
Grif: "Hey."
Simmons: "Yeah?"
The group smiled, instantly recognizing the lead up to their famous question.
Grif: "You ever wonder why we're here?"
Fade to a large grassy expanse, as Sarge walks through it.
Sarge: "It's funny. I ask myself the same question every day."
Fade to Wash standing in front of a city being ravaged by a Covenant ship.
Wash: "The world is changing, gentlemen. I'm just the man suggesting we change it in our favor."
"Welp, that's a bad guy line." Jaune chuckled.
"Yeah Wash villain!" Yang grinned.
"I liked Wash when he was an antagonist, he makes a great villain." Blake smiled.
"What I don't understand is how Sarge made this trailer yet Wash doesn't know about it." Weiss commented.
"Who cares this is an action movie!" Ruby shouted in Weiss's face.
Fade to black, with "THIS SUMMER" appearing on screen.
Fade in to Sarge overlooking an ocean.
Sarge: "My pappy once told me: 'Son, don't ever... ever... EVER trust a Blue.'"
Caboose is shown to be standing behind him.
Caboose: "Did you believe him?"
Sarge turns to look at Caboose.
"I'm going to take that as a yes." Pyrrha shook her head.
"Caboose even kills his own team, he can't be trusted." Nora crossed her arms.
Fade to black, with "FROM THE MAKERS OF RED VS. BLUE" appearing on screen. Fade to Sarge running to the radio where Donut is talking.
Donut: "Sarge! Sarge!"
Sarge: "I'm here, son!"
Sounds of a scuffle appear over the radio.
Donut: "Sarge, there's people at the door! They're trying to get in! They're in blue armor!"
Yang laughed, "Donut's the damsel in distress. Classic."
Sarge: "My god."
A window is heard breaking.
Tucker: "There he is!"
Caboose: "Get him!"
Donut: "I'm scared!"
Gunfire. Cut to Sarge reloading his shotgun.
"This is actually getting good!" Jaune sat up.
"Poor Donut, damn blues." Yang chuckled.
"Caboose yelling to get him.. how can Caboose sound threatening without his deep voice?" Pyrrha asked.
"Good directing." Weiss answered. "So far this trailer is well made I'll admit."
Sarge: "This ain't the same game anymore."
Cut to Caboose, Tucker and Wash standing at a window. Caboose and Tucker have SAWs at the ready.
Sarge: "They've changed the rules."
Caboose and Tucker raise their weapons and fire. Cut to Sarge walking out of Red Base, with Grif standing beside the Warthog.
Grif: "We've gotta do something!"
Sarge gets in the driver seat of the Warthog.
Sarge: "Son, the only thing I've got to do, is stay Red, and die."
"Yeah!" Nora whooped.
"Sarge is unironically perfect for an action movie role. He has a lot of one-liners." Jaune commented.
"You just got Sarged." Nora quoted.
Sarge revs the Warthog. Cut to black, showing the words "ONE MAN"
Cut to Sarge sprinting down a hallway.
Simmons (voice over): "Our people need a hero! Someone who's brave and also handsome!"
"Classic action movie hero." Jaune nodded.
"Of course, no protagonist can ever have flaws in most action movies. Unless that flaw is actually a virtue." Blake rolled her eyes.
Cut to black, showing the words "ONE MISSION". Cut to Wash looking at a screen displaying "UNSC ORDERED EVACUATION"
Wash: "Who is this guy?"
Tucker: "He's a nobody. A loser."
Wash: "Then why haven't you stopped him?!"
"Wash can beat Sarge- I think even Tucker can." Weiss commented.
"Not in this movie." Nora smirked.
"I'd like to see an actual fight between the characters. They almost had one but Donut stopped it." Jaune commented.
Cut to black, showing the words "ONE EPIC MOVIE". Cut to Grif being held at gunpoint by Caboose, Tucker, and Wash.
Grif: "He loves blood and violence. He's got a boner for murder. And he's coming for you."
Nora grinned again. "Sarge is awesome!"
"Sarge said those exact words in the season two finale." Jaune commented.
Cut to Caboose giving a speech to a multitude of soldiers in blue armor.
Caboose: "We are the Blue Army! We are the antagonists of this film!"
Pyrrha, Blake, and Weiss laughed.
Cut to Wash and Sarge circling each other on a flaming platform. Both are armed with energy swords.
Wash: "You think you can win?! You think this story has a happy ending?! I WILL BREAK YOU!"
Sarge and Wash charge, their swords deflecting off of each other.
"Woah!" Jaune gasped. "That was awesome!"
"Keyblades are so cool!" Ruby grinned.
Jaune nodded, "I know."
"Are you happy with yours?" Pyrrha asked.
"Mine? Oh yeah! Yes I am." Jaune nodded. "Velvet did a great job with it."
"Didn't help much in our capture the flag game though." Yang chided.
"I just need practice." Jaune blushed.
Cut to Simmons standing over a dead Grif on a snowy landscape.
Simmons: "Noooooo!"
Cut to Grif taking cover behind a rock, while a Scorpion tank fires on his location.
Grif: "They've got a tank!"
"I hope Sheila shows up in this movie." Ruby commented.
Cut to Sarge standing over a brightly lit city at night. A Hornet rises behind him.
Sarge: "We've got to steal the Declaration of Independence!"
"Not the flag?" Jaune asked.
Cut to Sarge driving a Warthog being chased by Caboose in a Warthog.
Caboose: "The secret code is 'The Mona Lisa'!"
"There is so much going on, a tank. What sounds like a heist, a car chase." Weiss shook her head.
"This movie sounds amazing!" Jaune grinned.
"I'd watch it." Yang nodded.
Cut to Sarge leaping on asteroids in space, while a Banshee fires on him.
Wash (voice over): "KILL HIM!"
Cut to Sarge aiming his shotgun at Wash, who is armed with a Spartan Laser.
Sarge: "It's over, Washington!"
Wash: "NO! This, is only the beginning!"
Wash charges the Spartan Laser and fires.
"I'll watch it to see Wash as the villain again." Blake admitted.
"I'll watch it to see Sarge as the hero!" Nora grinned.
Cut to black, showing the words "SARGE: a red vs blue movie". Fade out. Fade in to Grif standing in Exile.
Grif: "It's two bases standing in the middle of a box canyon. How bad could it be?"
"Whoopdie fuckin doo." Yang quipped.
Freckles rises from some collapsed boxes, and begins to fire his gatling gun.
"MICHAEL J. CABOOSE PICTURES presents
In association with RED TEAM FILMS A SARGE Production"
"SARGE: A RED VS BLUE MOVIE"
Dexter Grif Dick Simmons 2.0
Sarge Freckles"
"Two point oh." Jaune smiled, "Because he's a cyborg."
"Freckles acted in the movie?" Pyrrha raised an eyebrow.
"Probably wasn't hard to get him to shoot at them." Blake chuckled.
Sarge (voice over): "Ehh, stupid Grif…"
Lopez turns the lights back on.
Sarge: "So, is that an Oscar winner or what?!"
Wash: "Was that... how did you get me in the trailer?"
Blake leaned forward.
Grif: "Ahem."
Cut to Simmons in blue armor and Grif in cobalt armor standing behind Sarge. Both of their true colors are secondary on their armor.
"They're still terrible at painting their armor." Blake shook her head.
Grif: "It's called 'acting', Wash. You should try it sometime."
"Wash's voice actor is incredible.. though all of them are." Weiss commented.
Wash: "I'm going to burn your camera equipment."
Wash runs off.
Sarge: "Wait! We're not done with principal photography! We're not even done with VICE-principal photography"
Sarge follows Wash.
Simmons: "But guys, this isn't just a movie. This is our calling. Our mission. Our…"
Sarge: "Shut up, Simmons!"
"No, I want him to keep going." Nora begged.
"This movie will never be made because of Wash." Ruby crossed her arms.
"He could be doing us a favor." Blake shrugged.
"Come on, even you have to admit that, that trailer was awesome!" Ruby threw her hands up.
"..It was exciting." Blake admitted.
Simmons: "(sighs) Yes, sir."
Fade to black
Caboose: "Um, Freckles? Was that you at the end of the movie trailer?"
Freckles: "He said he was going to make me a star."
The PSA ends
"I hope it actually does make Freckles a star." Ruby giggled.
"Like many summer blockbuster trailers have said, this is only the beginning." Nora quoted. "Then text appears on the screen and the music cuts out abruptly! With one final line of dialogue to leave the audience with the ultimate sense of excitement!"
"That didn't happen here, but I would like to see this movie." Ren commented.
"You do?" Nora asked, "Yay Renny!"
Ren ignored her hug, "It looks well made."
"PSA: The No. 1 Movie in the Galaxy: 2" appeared on screen with the theme.
"Ohh another trailer to a movie that won't be made." Yang remarked sarcastically.
"How can it be number one, if there's already another number one?" Weiss asked. "They still need to learn basic math."
Fade in to the group looking at a giant white sheet in Valhalla.
Tucker: "The fuck is this?"
"Oh cool they're in Valhalla again." Jaune pouted.
"It looks nice with the new graphics." Weiss commented.
"They didn't do well with the character's armor in the new game, but the landscape has improved." Blake added.
Doc: "Oh! Maybe it's an abstract painting. How does it make you guys feel?"
Caboose: "Alone."
"Aww." Pyrrha sighed and laughed.
"Abstract art is interesting." Ren commented.
Blake nodded in agreement, "Though a blank canvas isn't abstract art."
A small smile spread across Ren's face, "Not unless the blank canvas is painted white."
Sarge: "Aha! I see you're all ready for the focus group screening."
Grif: "Screening? What screening?"
Sarge: "Well, few years back, we put together a trailer for a Red vs Blue blockbuster!"
"A few years back? This PSA must be for a later season." Ren guessed.
"And they're in Valhalla." Blake grimaced. We might have just been spoiled.
Tucker: "You mean the thing you butchered and turned into a movie all about yourself? Don't tell me you actually made a stupid sequel!"
"How can it be butchered if that's what it was intended to be?" Weiss asked.
Sarge: "What, no! Of course not! The script is very intelligent."
"So he did make a sequel, ha!" Yang laughed. "Just not a dumb one."
"Sarge is good with words." Nora nodded.
Simmons: "[gasps] Thank you, sir!"
Sarge: "After some significant rewrites."
Simmons: "Aw…"
"A story written by Simmons might actually be good." Weiss pondered the possibility.
"It'd be full of science fiction though." Blake pointed out.
"I like science fiction." Jaune defended.
"That's not what I mean.. It's Simmons writing science fiction." Blake explained.
"It might be a lot a lot of science fiction." Ruby added.
Jaune winced, "Yeah.. probably."
Donut: "Sarge, if I may? We here at Franklin Delano Donut Productions saw a lot of promise in last year's critically acclaimed summer blockbuster 'Sarge', so we have combined efforts with Red Base Entertainment Productions Limited to produce a sequel that we feel will reach a MUCH broader audience."
"Broader audience?" Blake sighed.
"A cash grab." Weiss added.
"Hey last trailer was great, this trailer might be even better!" Ruby grinned.
Grif: "Alright, this sounds dumb, I am outta here."
Sarge: "Too late, hit the lights."
[Beeeeep] cut to Sarge hitting a tree.
Sarge: "You know, they say war doesn't determine who is right. Only who is left."
"That's… a really good line." Blake smiled. "I like it."
—Ironwood SS— Not Canon
"Only who is left." Ironwood chuckled bitterly. "War never determines who is right. I hope Atlas never has to experience another war again."
"I hope they do, a lot of money can be made in war." Roman remarked with a smirk. "People'll buy anything if they're scared."
"Is that why you chose your side?" Ironwood asked.
"General general! You act like there's going to be a war!" Roman laughed.
Ironwood looked Roman directly in the eye, "Is there?"
Roman smirked and kept his gaze, "Of course not, I'm locked up. I lost the war."
Grif: "Sarge, you're gonna wanna come with us."
Sarge: "I say, war doesn't determine who is Blue... only who is Red."
"Because they'd be bleeding." Nora nodded.
"That line isn't as profound." Ren commented.
"But just as badass." Yang grinned.
Donut: "[dramatically] From the studios that brought you 'Sarge' and 'How we were Sent Forward in Time by an Explosion…'"
Yang and Jaune laughed.
"I forgot that Donut directed that too… if this movie has that same level of directing it doesn't bode well for it." Weiss grimaced.
Simmons: "I'm sorry, sir. We had to bring you here. He's... he's... [sniffles]"
Grif: "He's got Lopez."
Weiss looked up.
Donut: "[dramatically] Comes a story of betrayal…"
"Spoiler." Blake facepalmed.
Wash: "Why, hello, Sergeant. It's good to see you again."
Sarge: "It's Colonel now. What do you want, Blue?"
"Good for him." Nora smiled.
Wash: "I've had something of mine stolen from me, and I want you to retrieve it. In return, I'll return what I have stolen from you, allowing you to retrieve it."
"…Makes sense." Nora nodded.
Sarge: "So, if I return from this retrieval to return what's been stolen from you, you promise to return what you've stolen? Never to return and steal again?"
"That makes it even clearer." Nora smiled without a hint of sarcasm.
"I'm so confused." Ruby grabbed her head.
"If Sarge gets what was stolen from Wash and gives it to Wash. Wash will return something that he stole from Sarge and he won't steal it back." Nora explained.
"If Wash stole Lopez that's good, even this evil version of Wash would treat Lopez better." Weiss commented.
Wash: "Precisely."
Sarge: "Alright, then."
Blake chuckled, "I know that's not actually Wash and someone's just playing his character. But I can see Wash indulging them and having fun making a trailer like this."
Donut: "[dramatically] And a story…"
Wash: "Not so fast. You'll be taking one of my men with you."
Sarge: "Who?"
[Record scratch] Donut: "[cheerfully] Of unlikely friendship!"
Tucker: "'Sup? Partner."
"..Uhh what?" Ruby asked.
Yang laughed, "I like where this is going."
"It's not an action movie?" Nora asked.
"The record scratch made that clear." Weiss rolled her eyes.
[Jazzy music] Tucker and Sarge drive on a highway.
Sarge: "You know what, Blue? I'm starting to think this might just work!"
Tucker: "I'm thinking this would work a lot better if we could get a bigger ride. You know, more chicks!"
"Like a tank! Bitches love tanks." Yang laughed.
"That include you?" Ruby asked.
"Are you calling me a bitch?" Yang raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Ohh catfight!" Nora gasped.
"Sure Yang." Ruby said, slightly timid but with a proud glint in her eyes.
Yang burst out laughing, "One day I hope you'll say the words. But no, I'd rather ride in the Puma."
"Lame." Ruby turned back to the screen.
Sarge: "Son, what are you gonna do with more than one woman?"
Tucker: "Hey, you know what they say. Women are like Voltron. The more you hook up, the better it gets."
"He's not wrong." Yang commented.
"I'm going to leave that one alone." Weiss sighed.
[Both laughing]
Sarge: "Ah, you kids and your diseases! Heh heh heh!"
Blake and Yang snorted.
"Why are they so buddy buddy? They're enemies!" Nora huffed.
"It's a buddy flick." Jaune explained with a smile. "I like these movies, they're so cheesy."
"Yeah and just so much fun to watch." Yang agreed.
"Donut said the movie has betrayal in it." Blake pointed out. "They won't be buddies forever."
"Blake! Spoilers!" Jaune gasped.
"Donut said it first." Blake deadpanned.
Donut: "This summer, watch as two heroes fight for their lives!"
Tucker: "So, you got a girl?"
Sarge: "You could, uh... you could say that."
Donut: "And fight...for love."
[slow piano] fade to Sarge and Lopez.
A look of sheer horror took over Weiss's face.
Sarge: "You know, I always thought fondly of you, Lopez. Just never knew how to say it."
"This is not happening." Weiss gagged.
Yang and Blake burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Sarge: "Because I don't speak Spanish."
After this, Jaune and Pyrrha joined in as well.
"Sarge doesn't like Lopez that way!?" Nora grimaced.
"And a romance movie ugh!" Ruby gagged.
Yang and Blake continued to have short bursts of chuckles.
Yang wiped her eyes, "Oh man this is amazing. Best trailer ever. I absolutely ship it."
Donut: "But love will have to wait…because first... they'll have to save Christmas!"
"The directing in this movie is all over the place." Weiss commented.
"I like the different styles." Blake took a breath. "I don't know what Christmas is though."
"Donut told a story about saving Christmas once. Back when they were at the windmill. He was distracting the blues." Jaune recalled.
[Christmasy music] Tucker and Sarge drive a warthog through the snow.
Sarge & Tucker: "Whoaaa!"
Tucker: "The Warthog! It's flying!"
Sarge: "Of course it is, son! All we had to do was believe!"
"What the- what is Christmas?" Weiss asked.
Blake shrugged, "It seems very family friendly whatever it is."
Donut: "Save Christmas from what, you may ask? Life-threatening disease."
Blake snorted again.
"That took a turn." Pyrrha grimaced.
"What is this movie about? What is this movie?" Weiss asked.
"Everything it looks like." Jaune guessed.
Cut to Tucker and Sarge in a hospital.
Tucker: "[Coughing] I'm sick, Sarge. They say I only have six months to live."
Sarge: "Dammit, partner, what is it? Cancer? AIDS? Whatever it is, we can beat it. Together."
Tucker: "No... it's...bein' a zombieee!"
Tucker rises as a flood form.
Ruby perked up, "Ohh Zombie movie!"
"A broader audience indeed." Ren chuckled.
"That thing looks disgusting, kill it with fire." Weiss backed away from the screen.
"I like what this movie is, a mix of genres." Blake smiled. "I don't like any genre that much but mixed together? It's a parody of them all."
"They jumped the shark, and somehow it's working." Weiss admitted.
Sarge: "Tucker, nooo!"
Donut: "It's the violent, blood-curdling horror that will sweep the nation, filled with monsters. Coming of age tale!"
Cut to Doc driving a ghost.
Doc: "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!"
"Hey Docs back." Yang laughed.
"I like these kinds of movies." Pyrrha admitted.
"Me too, they're cute." Yang nodded.
Weiss blushed and refused to admit she liked them as well.
Cut to Freckles shooting.
Donut: "Giant, fighting robots!"
"Yeah!" Nora, Jaune, and Ruby cheered.
Simmons: "Put the cube inside of Freckles!"
Donut: "And musical numbers for the whole family!"
Cut to Donut standing in front of two chorus lines.
Weiss perked up, "Oh interesting."
"Of course." Ruby groaned.
"If at any moment the characters break out in song, it is not a movie I will like." Blake grimaced.
"Yeah, same here." Jaune nodded.
"You haven't even heard him sing yet!" Weiss snapped.
Donut: "[Singing] So let me blooow you (blow you) blow you all! One by one!"
Weiss sighed, "Damnit."
Yang burst out laughing and clapped. "I love it!"
"The worst thing is, the vocals are impressive." Weiss admitted in defeat.
Yang pulled out her scroll as she snickered. "Oh and look! It's part of the soundtrack too. Donut: The Musical."
I'll have to listen to it later, Weiss thought shamefully.
"I'll have to listen to it later." Yang admitted proudly.
Donut: "[Spoken] So no matter what you do this summer, be sure not to miss. 'Sarge 2: Sarge Harder.'"
"Sarge 2: Sarge Harder" appeared on the screen with fire behind it.
"I won't." Blake shrugged.
"Me neither, I'll be there for the musical and the buddy flick, and amazing romance." Yang grinned.
"Ugh." Weiss groaned.
"I can't believe Sarge directed that." Nora crossed her arms.
"I believe Donut did." Ren explained. "Sarge only wrote it."
"That's worse." Weiss shook her head.
Sarge: "You know... I'm gettin' too old for this shit."
Tucker: "How old are you?"
Sarge: "29."
Tucker: "Wait, wha-"
"I wonder if that's true." Pyrrha commented.
"Sarge is probably the oldest out of all of them, so unless the others are all under 29 I'd say that's not true." Weiss explained.
"Caboose is probably the youngest." Ruby added.
Cut to a screen that reads.
"Franklin Delano Donut Productions in conjunction with Red Base Entertainment Productions LTD."
"Present"
"Sarge 2: Sarge Harder"
"Coming August 2015"
"Sarge Lavernius Tucker Wash Franklin Delano Donut Lopez Simmons Grif Directed Written Edited Filmed By Sarge"
"Caboose wasn't involved in the production this time." Pyrrha noted.
"2015? I thought they were in like year 2500." Ruby commented.
"Maybe that is the actual year the creators are in?" Jaune shrugged.
[Beeeeep] cut to Sarge and Donut back in Valhalla.
Sarge: "So... what do y'all think?"
The camera cuts to reveal that everyone else had left.
Donut: "Well, I thought it was great!"
"Me too." Blake chuckled.
"I loved it." Yang laughed.
"I want to see that one too." Jaune added.
"I don't want to watch the romance parts or the buddy flick." Ruby grimaced. "Or the coming of age thing, or the musical."
"It's a mix of too many different genres, it'd be too disjointed." Weiss pointed out.
"But it's meant to be like that, the trailer flowed well." Blake countered.
"They can make an interesting trailer. I'll give them that." Weiss agreed.
"The No. 1 Movie in the Galaxy: 3" appeared on screen with the theme.
"How many of these are there? Weiss asked.
"Filss said three." Ren recalled.
Vic: "Hey, compadres! Now, it wouldn't be a season of Red vs. Blue without a PSA."
"Oh this is the anthology episode Filss mentioned." Jaune realized.
Vic: "That's when our cast takes a moment to break character. Talk directly with the audience about some real important cultural issues like voting, tax evasion, STD tests aaand the true meaning of Christmas."
"There Christmas is again, it must be very important to them." Blake guessed.
"Did they do PSA's on all of those things? I want to watch those." Jaune commented.
"I don't want to hear what they have to say about STDs." Weiss grimaced.
"It'd be interesting to see what they have to say about voting." Ren commented.
"Weiss you can learn some tips on tax evasion." Yang quipped.
Weiss rolled her eyes with a small grin, "I just have to ask my father."
Vic: "This...is not one of those PSAs."
Title appears on the screen "The #1 Movie In The Galaxy: 3"
Cut to a trailer rating.
The following preview has been APPROVED For
APPROPRIATE AUDIENCES
By the Motion Picture Association of the Universe, INC.
THE FILM ADVERTISED HAS BEEN RATED
PG-13 - Parents strongly cautioned
Some material may be totally rad for children under
Non-stop Sci-fi action and teabagging
"PG-13? Guessing that's worse than an R rating for Red." Weiss commented. "Parents strongly cautioned."
"The others had worse stuff." Yang commented. "Extreme violence and violent language."
"This has sexual content, tea bagging." Blake pointed.
"Tea bagging isn't sexual, it's just taunting." Jaune pointed out.
Yang snorted, "It is kind of sexual."
"I can't imagine it being anything other than a way to make the enemy team mad." Ruby explained.
Cut to a live action shot of Tucker staring out at a desert.
"Oo live action." Jaune leaned forward.
Ruby's eyes narrowed, "He's holding the wrong rifle. He normally has a burst rifle. He's holding what Caboose always has. But the armor looks awesome! Aww he also doesn't have his sword."
Voice: "Who was he?"
Tucker raises his head.
Sarge: "Some called him a hero…"
Cut to Tucker in an action scene.
"The aliens did." Jaune smiled.
Fade to Sarge and Tucker watching a burning city.
Sarge: "I called him...my friend."
"At least these movies have some kind of continuity." Weiss commented.
Cut to a golden logo that reads "Non Mea Culpa" and " MJC" with Caboose in the center.
Pyrrha smiled, "Caboose is back to being a part of the production."
Cut an FDD Media Group logo
Cut to a "Red Base Entertainment" logo.
"This looks a lot more professional." Jaune commented.
"Like a real blockbuster trailer." Weiss added.
Cut to Tucker walking in front of a line of soldiers.
Grif: "He's assembling an army."
Tucker raises his sword and the soldiers cheer.
"Look at all of their armor! It looks amazing!" Ruby gasped.
"Yeah I agree, some of that armor is badass. I want to try it out." Yang commented.
Cut to Grif and Sarge talking.
Grif: "If we don't stop him now, there won't be any universe left for us to save."
"So Tucker's the villain this time.. that's awesome!" Jaune grinned.
"I wouldn't think it possible to see him as a competent villain. But after last season.." Weiss trailed off.
"After the ending to season eleven he seems a lot more capable. And he was able to stab the Meta." Blake commented. Weiss nodded.
"First Wash, now Tucker. I wonder how Caboose will look as a villain." Pyrrha laughed.
"Now that would be terrifying." Yang chuckled.
Sarge: "Then we're gonna need some help."
Cut to Sarge assembling his own army.
Sarge: "Listen up, cupcakes! I hope you brought your wallets, 'cause the rent in hell gets paid in advance!"
Ruby eyed the armor not as if she was a kid in a candy store. But as if they were weapons.
The soldiers cheer. Cut to a shot of Tucker's men walking away from an explosion.
Cut to Sarge's men watching a cruiser and several dropships appear in the sky.
Rapid cuts of an action sequence. Explosions go off, a soldier mourns a fallen comrade and another soldier helps an injured one on his shoulder.
"This looks like a more generic action movie but also one with a bigger scale.. mainly because it's live action." Weiss commented.
"This is really cool! But the first trailer was better." Jaune agreed.
"A live action red vs blue movie would still be awesome though." Ruby added.
Cut to several random soldiers with celebrity credits: Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp, Chris Pratt, Jackie Chan, Brad Pitt, Adam Sandler, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Dwyane "The Rock" Johnson, Mark Wahlberg, Channing Tatum, Katy Perry, Jaden Smith, Alejandro G. Inarritu, Dolph Lundgren, Tilda Swinton, Xzibit, Dennis Rodman.
Cut to Tucker. "Vin Diesel as Tucker".
Cut to Sarge. "Matthew McConaughey as Sarge."
"All of that meant nothing to us because we have no idea who those guys are." Nora threw her hands up.
"That one guy's nickname is the rock. That's all I really noticed." Yang shrugged.
Cut to black.
Tucker: "Sarge!"
Cut to Sarge and Tucker revving up dirt bikes across a battlefield from each other.
Tucker: "You should have killed me when you had the chance-"
Sarge: "This ain't over yet-"
Tucker: "Only one of us is gonna make it out alive-"
Sarge: "It's never too late to die-"
Tucker & Sarge: *Overlapping movie trailer cliche monologues*
Tucker: "-watch you die!"
Jaune laughed, "They're making fun of one-liners. I like self deprecating humor in action movies. It shows they don't take themselves too seriously."
The two take off on their bikes, charging towards each other. Ready to joust with energy sword vs. shotgun.
The two leap from their bikes and collide with each other in mid-air as an explosion goes off behind them.
"That was over the top." Weiss shook her head.
Cut to black. Cut to the title with an Inception-esque trailer noise.
"The Final Chapter of the Sarge Trilogy
SARGE V TUCKER
ORIGIN OF SIN"
"Origin of sin?" Weiss rolled her eyes.
Cut to the reds and blues watching the trailer in a theater.
Simmons: "Holy shit, that was off the hooook!"
Sarge: "They...butchered my movie!"
"They did?" Jaune asked.
Grif: "What!? No way! That looks dope as hell."
Donut: "Did Brad Pitt lose weight? It looks like he lost weight."
Simmons: "I cannot wait for that!"
Tucker: "Hell yeah! I've already pre-ordered my tickets."
"Never pre-order anything." Weiss grimaced. "It's a scam."
"I'll take your word for it." Blake chuckled.
Sarge: "It was supposed to be a tone piece about the nature of war! And that McConaughey guy is a total miscast for me. The guy has no shoulders!"
Wash: "Seriously!? That whole thing seemed right up your alley."
Sarge: "Clearly, you just don't understand my refined tastes, Agent Washington."
"A tone piece about the nature of war? His first movie was an action movie exactly like that. And his second movie was a lot of things." Weiss pointed out.
"I wonder what tone Sarge would take on the nature of war." Ren pondered.
Tucker: "Yeah, and I can't wait to see what they did with my character."
Wash: "It's not even the real you! It turns out to be an evil clone."
"I think that trope is lazy." Blake commented.
Tucker: "Dude! Spoilers!"
"Yeah boo!" Nora booed.
Caboose runs into the theater.
Caboose: "Bah! Did I miss the 'Sarge Three colon Final Sarge colon Revelations' trailer?"
Simmons: "Yeah, you did. Idiot."
Sarge: "I could've been the Bertolucci of my generation!"
Caboose: "Ah, man that- that's the whole reason I bought tickets to this movie in the first place!"
"Just to watch the trailer?" Pyrrha chuckled with a raised eyebrow.
Announcer: "And now for our feature presentation."
Fade to black.
Donut: "Woohoo! Lazer Team 3!"
Wash: "Hey, shut up!"
Donut: "Ooh! Sorry."
The episode ends.
"Lazer team? I don't get that." Ruby frowned.
"Me neither." Jaune shrugged as he hit play.
Ruby stood up in a flash, "Oh well. Those were fun, I'm excited for season 12 tomorrow. I have to talk to Velvet about your shield Jaune and then I need to talk to General Ironwood about riding piggyback on a Paladin and then!" Ruby took a deep breath. "I have to ambush- I mean find a guard and ask to see his gun."
Weiss groaned, "None of that will end well."
And that's season 11! Next up, the Journals followed by season 12 then 13. Plus some season 14 episodes here and there.