Title: No Amount of Love
Summary: There was love there, but nothing fixes itself. A happily ever after is only the ending to a tale, only the stop to what people usually want to see. But it's not the end, it's only the beginning. The beginning of the brightest sunlight. But what is the sunlight with the clouds before it? [An Elsanna fanfiction about growth, change, and discovering what you actually want]
Authors notes: This is an Elsanna fanfiction, which means there will be incest as it goes on. Thank you to Sheikm for helping me with extra proofreading! Happy reading! This will hopefully continue onto many more chapters if you guys like it.
It had been five weeks since the first time Elsa had shown the entire kingdom the beauty that she could create. She had been so terrified they wouldn't accept her, so confused by... everything. But with Anna by her side, making sure to support her, to console her if she started to feel her doubts again, she felt more secure in her ability to rule.
After all, Anna had always been there for her. Always right through the door. Only now there was no door, there was nothing blocking them (except for the need for occasional privacy, of course). She'd never been happier. But the years of forcing herself away from everyone did her no good. No amount of love could easily thaw years of self-doubt and fear.
There was love there, but nothing fixes itself. A happily ever after is only the ending to a tale, only the stop to what people usually want to see. But it's not the end, it's only the beginning. The beginning of the brightest sunlight. But what is the sunlight with the clouds before it?
Elsa was sitting on her bed, looking over pictures that her sister had drawn for her whilst growing up, something that Anna had shoved at her in a box before she'd gone to see Kristoff for… God knew what. In the back of her mind, she was always jealous of the man - if only because Anna was her sister, and she'd been apart from her for too long.
But then again, she was happy for her sister. There was someone to keep her happy, to give her the love she deserved. For all the praise Anna gave Elsa, there was so little for her sister.
"I can't believe she did this..." Elsa spoke quietly to herself. She picked up one done probably right after they had been separated. It was both of them making Olaf. Or well, it seemed that way, the carrot nose was slightly above his eyes.
Elsa giggled and set it down before grabbing another and her heart sunk. It was a picture of Anna by the door, sitting there with a chess set. Playing with the door. The blonde put her head down, remembering it.
Anna, can I move the queen? I'm going to move the queen for you okay? Aww, you beat me! Best two out of three?
She cringed and pushed the paper quickly away, putting the rest she had been looking at in the box and moved to shove the box beneath the bed. But not fast enough.
Anna stepped into the door that was open, that always seemed to be open over the last few weeks. She had gone to tap on it when she saw her. "Elsa..." the redhead made her way over to the bed, trying to get the box again. "Do you not want them? I drew them for you." She leaned down so she could look her in the eyes.
"It's not that, Anna." The Queen responded, looking away. "It just hurts to look at them."
"It's going to hurt, much as we both wish it didn't have to. I mean... sure, being happy is great and like the best thing ever!" Anna nudged her sister gently. "But if we aren't sad sometimes, then how can we know we're happy?"
Her sister was right, as usual. Elsa looked up to her. "How did things go with Kristoff? Is he enjoying the title I gave him?" She asked, desperately trying to change the subject.
"Oh, he's okay, we went for a ride to talk! And the sled is great, or so he thinks. He thinks a lot. I'd say to himself but he does thinking for Sven, which is kinda weird, but I think it's cute!" She rambled on. "And I told him that it's totally not something you should do around the locals because they give him weird looks, but he just went off to talking to Sven so I guess it's okay. I guess you don't go living with a group of trolls and... hey, wait. You made me change the subject!"
The princess gave a rather irked expression with a pout of her lips and pushed a finger to her older sister's nose. "This is not about Kristoff, this is about you."
"It isn't, Anna." Elsa said, looking away from her. She felt a hand cup her cheek and pull her back to facing her.
Anna sighed and shrugged. "You're right, it's not about you." When Elsa's expression turned sour, she smiled. "It's about us. We've been apart far too long." She pulled her into a hug, rather pleased when Elsa returned it. "We'll be together forever. Forever and like... three forevers. That's a thing right? Totally is, who am I kidding."
Elsa let out a sigh of relief before tensing again. "Anna, I'm fine."
"No, you're not." Anna said as she shook her head. "But it's okay, because you can get better with my help! The whole kingdom wants you better. It's why they've been celebrating even longer than normal! They have their Queen back. A Queen who is awesome and can kick anyone's butt to protect them!" She pinned her back so she could start tickling her. "And how many kingdoms can say they control the ice business!"
Ack, tickling. Elsa flailed, trying to pull away. When she did eventually manage, she grabbed a pillow and held it up. "I..." She tensed, not know if this was okay anymore. You couldn't get hurt in a pillow fight right? Well, no more than falling off the bed, and Elsa had shoved Anna off enough times to know she'd be fine.
Within a beat, she felt a whack to her face. "Oof!" She forced out, nearly falling over. "Anna!"
"It is on, your Majesty~" Anna teased, holding up two pillows at the ready.
"Hey! That's not fair!" The blonde said as she lifted her single pillow up to protect herself. When Anna leapt for her, she gasped and ran off the bed to the hall. She managed one whack across her sister's face before getting hit at her hip. "Gah, you've been practicing! I thought you were clumsy!"
"Not when it comes to pillow fights, dear sister!" Anna stuck her tongue out at her sister, ever the mature one. If maturity meant teasing and being a total dork in this universe. The redhead followed her sister down the hall, down the stairs, through the ballroom. Spreading feathers around the room as they beat each other with the pillows and giggled.
When they got to the kitchen, Gerda tried to get them to stop, or at least move to another room. Elsa tried to leave only to be hit and fall onto the sack of flour.
"Anna!" Elsa exclaimed through laughing as a cloud of the flour settled down.
"I guess this makes you the Snow White Queen~!" Anna teased and reached over to try and help her, only to be tugged down into the flour mess herself. She tried to grab hold of the table to keep herself from falling and it only made her spill water all over them. It mixed with the flour and made quite the goopy mix.
Elsa tried to rub it off her eyes, out of breath and laughing. "This is entirely your fault."
Anna gave a frustrated noise. "No it isn't! You started it!" She stood up and slipped a little, catching herself on the counter. She helped her up and giggled. "I guess we need a bath now!"
"I'd have to agree!" Elsa said, trying to brush most of the mixture off her. She looked to the people in the kitchen and held her hands up. "I'm so sorry. When this is cleaned, you take a few hours off." When they told her they didn't need to have that done, that they were happy to see her happy, she smiled and looked to Anna, who rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
Anna had to reassure her, and she felt she'd have to for a long while. She knew her sister had a lot to work through. "Hey, let's go take a bath!"
"Together?" Elsa said before biting her lip. Had she said that?
"Sure! We used to do it as kids because the water got cold quickly!" Anna was, obviously, thinking of it entirely innocently. They were sisters, after all!
"No" Elsa responded shaking her head. "I have my own bath, and the warm water makes unusual things happen." She held her hands up. "We can both go bathe and then meet in the library? Is that okay with you?"
"Oh... oh sure! We can read that fairytale book we both like! I think it's still somewhere in my room." Anna said with a big grin.
Elsa gave a look of confusion. "You kept it?"
"Of course I did. I had to. It was our favourite and I had to make sure I had it. Don't you remember me reading to you? Well, when I learned to read." The redhead tipped her head, leaning in. "Did you even listen?" She felt hurt, mostly at the idea that she didn't even pay attention.
"No, I mean yes. I mean... Anna, I do remember. But most of the time I was on the other side of the room. I could hear bits of it, I just didn't know it was the book we grew up with." She moved to try and take her hand, pulling back when Anna pulled away. "Anna."
"I'm getting sticky, I'm going to go take the bath and... see you later." She gave her sister a very light hug before waving off as she went to get undressed in her room to wash up.
Elsa let her shoulders drop, so thankful for the flour mess on her face, simply because it made it impossible to properly cry. "Anna..." She bit her lip and hurried to her own bathing area, requesting the water be made hotter than normal.
She had to learn how to interact again. How to not be so cold. It was what Anna deserved. It wasn't like she'd meant to hurt her feelings. This wasn't going to be a common occurance right? When the water was drawn properly, she dismissed the staff who had helped and eased into it, steam filling the room, enough to hide her as she pulled her knees to her chest and sunk herself into the water.
"I wonder if I could melt." Elsa whispered, thinking on it. On how she would even apologise. Her mind then turned to why had she asked at all. That was ridiculous. Why had she even asked it?
Sitting up, she began to peel away the flour, trying to get the mess they had made off her. Despite what had occurred, she couldn't help a little giggle. That had been the most fun she'd had in... well, the first time in what seemed like forever. More fun than the time they were skating.
Why couldn't all their days just be like that? And just like that, the words Anna had said rang in her ears
But if we aren't sad sometimes, then how can we know we're happy?
Of all things for her sister to be entirely right on. Not that she doubted her sister's opinion. Anna had always been there, even when she didn't deserve it. Elsa ran the cloth over her face, getting the last of the mess off.
She stepped out and dried herself off before simply sitting on the edge of her bed, staying bare to the world. How else was she to feel like she was open to things? Without meaning to, she slipped into sleep, her dreams drifting all over the place.
Meanwhile, Anna had already gotten dried and dressed and was down into the library, eagerly awaiting her sister. She couldn't hold a grudge, and she knew Elsa wasn't the best at expressing herself sometimes.
As the hours passed, whilst unbeknownst to her Elsa slept, she grew more anxious. And more lonely. After the fourth hour passed she stood up and headed to her door and went to knock. Only she couldn't bring herself to. Anna pressed her hand flat against the wood, resting her forehead on it. "Please don't do this again..." She whispered, before hearing Kristoff call for her.
Taking in a breath, she pulled her hand away and feigned a smile as she went to hug him and place a kiss to his cheek, following him down for a late night sled right through the forest.