Thank you so much for your support last chapter! We have about four more left :)
Jody1990 - I don't think you have to say poor Callie today! Maybe a little bit but it's relatively minor in comparison to the other chapters! I was really looking forward to Beca actually talking with Callie and you'll see some more of this progress in this chapter. Thank you so much for your continued support!
Guest - Things have changed for sure! And I'm sure they'll change a couple more times as she grows, but the sentiment remains the same. I loved writing the scene with Bella and she will be sure be back in a chapter or two ;) any guesses as to why? Hmmm... Thank you so much for reading and for your continued support!
Icedragone - Callie is healing, Beca is healing, everyone is healing! Unfortunately the obliviousness extends some more into this chapter but hmmm maybe not for much longer? Hint hint? Maybe? I dunno what do I know? I promise it will not take until they're old and grey hahaha. Thank you so much for your kind words and your continued support!
Flynntrust13 - I'm so glad you enjoyed the part with Beca and Callie. I've been wanting to have a special moment between them for a while, and I'm so glad it was received so well. Chloe is back in this chapter and will be incredibly present for the rest of the fic! Just had to tie up some loose ends with our Callie girl before moving on to the other ultra important plot point ;) Thank you so much for your kind words and your continued support!
Becabeale47 - Hello! I'm so glad you stopped by, it definitely brought a smile to my face! Thank you so much for your kind words. Truly. I'm so glad that you're enjoying the fic. We'll see some more of Cal's healing this chapter and a little hint hint of what's to come for Bechloe in the future. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic! Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
AK-effin47 - It's definitely just hot in here. Totally agree. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I'm glad you are enjoying the pace of the fic because I know sometimes I take things quite slow, so I appreciate you saying this more than you know! Thanks so much for reading and for your support!
RJRMovieFan - Wow, thank you so much! This was definitely one of my favorite chapters to write, so I'm so glad that it came through in the writing. I'm really glad that you thought it was appropriate for Bella and Callie to have that sort of bonding moment - Bella will be back in another chapter or two for another reason - any guesses as to what ;) Thank you again for your kind words! And thanks so much for reading and all of your continued support.
Chapter 22
Content Warning - Referenced/implied/described abusive relationship; panic attack (Callie); mentions of suicide and depression.
Six Months Later – November
"The last couple of weeks we've spent just chatting about the day-to-day stuff. We haven't talked about the big picture in a while, so I thought we could spend some time working on that this session. How've you been doing over all for the last month?"
Beca leans against the back of the couch, keeping her eyes trained on where she is picking at her fingernails. She likes Dr. Taylor, the therapist that she's been seeing for almost two years at this point, but that doesn't mean she enjoys talking about herself or her 'feelings'.
"Um, it's been alright. Callie – she's doing better. She still has nightmares, but the meltdowns during the day and the irritability have definitely decreased. After the nightmares, or meltdowns, or even just out of the blue, she is asking anywhere from one to five questions that she has on her mind, so that's an improvement, too. She's still spending the majority of her time in school with Chloe, but everyone is pretty much okay with that. Henry is loving kindergarten; he has a friend named Marcus that came over the other weekend for a playdate…"
Dr. Taylor gently nods her head. She waits until Beca finishes talking before responding. "That's great, and I'm glad that Callie seems to be doing better and Henry is growing, too, but I asked about you. One of the things we've been focusing on is doing things for you rather than the kids. So, without talking about Callie or Henry, how have you been doing, Beca?"
Beca can't help but blush. Honestly, she should've known that that sort of response was coming. Let's just say, it's not the first time that it has happened, and it certainly won't be the last.
"Oh." Beca lets out an awkward laugh. She's uncomfortable, but not terribly uncomfortable, if that makes sense. Dr. Taylor always knows the right amount to push, and she will, just hard enough for Beca to see what she was clearly missing previously. "Um… I've been pretty good, I think. I've started seriously working towards a new job now that the apartment is empty like, all the time, with both kids at school."
"I want to come back to the job search, but first let's talk about being alone in the apartment. How has that been?"
Beca shrugs. "Most days are better than others. Some, though, it's too quiet. I get lost in my thoughts pretty easily if I don't make myself busy."
"Mhmm…and are they thoughts about Theo? Worrying about the kids?"
Beca's skin doesn't crawl and her heart doesn't still in her chest at Theo's name anymore. Talking about him – both with Dr. Taylor and with Callie and, of course, Chloe and the rest of the Bellas – has helped her in that regard. Not that it feels good to hear his name, but it also doesn't send her into a panic. "It depends. Most of the time, though, it's probably me wondering what else I can do for the kids."
"Okay… and what about what else you can do for you? How is the job search going?"
Beca starts to pick at her nails again. "I don't know… fine, I guess. It's kind of hard to restart your entire career when you have multiple albums out and a few Grammy trophies on your shelf."
"And you don't ever want to record music again?"
"Not if I can help it. I didn't want to record or perform solo when I went to LA to begin with. I definitely don't want to go back to it."
"What about DJing or music producing like you were originally planning on doing? Do you think you would be able to go back to something like that?"
Beca lets out a heavy sigh. She's had this conversation with herself, with Chloe, and with Aubrey, too, time and time again. "I don't know. I'm still attached to the Beca Mitchell fame, even if I were to go into producing. I just… I want to get as far away from that past life as possible."
Again, Dr. Taylor nods an understanding. "Makes sense. So, do you have any leads?"
Beca scoffs. "Unless leads count as baristas or wait staff at restaurants, no. No leads."
Dr. Taylor gives her a sympathetic smile, understanding both the need for Beca to have something creative to do, and the need to keep herself out of the public eye, even now. "You'll find something eventually. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the right thing will come along."
"I know… I've been making mixes on my laptop again in the meantime. It makes me feel like I'm in high school, not divorced with two kids."
Dr. Taylor's eyes brighten. "Beca! That's fantastic. I am so proud of you."
A deep blush flushes Beca's cheeks as she averts her eyes to the ground.
"Why are you embarrassed? That is great news, Beca. You're getting back to your roots."
"Yeah, decades-old roots. I should be working a real job, not messing around with editing software on my computer like I did when I was a bitter teenager."
Dr. Taylor waits patiently for Beca to look up at her through the extended silence. "Have you ever thought that, maybe, returning to mixing is your brain's way of bringing you back to your teenage years? An arguably better time than the most of your adulthood?"
"I don't know, I was pretty depressed as a teenager, too. My mom killed herself, I hated my dad for it; despised my stepmother for simply being in my life… I wasn't exactly a ball of joy."
"Okay, but you said you also mixed a lot in college, right? You had some mixes played on the local radio station? And I would say, from everything you've told me, college with the Bellas – with Chloe – that was a pretty good time in your life, right?"
Beca's silence, the warmth in her chest, is enough of an answer for Dr. Taylor.
"If I could make a suggestion?" Beca gives a brief nod. "Enjoy this time to yourself. Explore your creativity; make something new. Who knows, you might just reignite a passion that you had long ago, squashed. How does that sound?"
Beca runs a hand through her hair, taking a chance to look at the clock on table beside Dr. Taylor's chair. She still has a half an hour left of her session. "Do I have any other option for homework?"
Dr. Taylor lets out a brief chuckle. "Sorry, that is my only assignment for this week." Beca gives her a good-natured smile, allowing Dr. Taylor to continue. "Now, speaking of college – the baby shower is this weekend, right?"
Despite herself, Beca feels her face pale. Because, yes, in less than 72 hours, Beca will be in a house will all of the Bellas – not just the four she has comfortably reacquainted herself with over the last two years.
Jessica and her husband are pregnant with their third child, serving as the 'perfect excuse' to have another Bellas' reunion for the year (this one in addition to the annual summer event that Beca has yet to attend).
It took some time before Beca was comfortable even FaceTiming with the other women. She finally ripped the bandage off and did so during December of the year of the accident. It was her first time seeing all of them since leaving for Los Angeles, and while it was incredibly overwhelming for the brunette (Chloe sat dutifully by her side the entire time), it was also nice to just see them. To catch up, at least once they got past the awkwardness of Beca apologizing and everyone else assuring her that she had nothing to apologize for (and then getting past the few even more awkward questions about Theo, the accident, the trial, and Beca showing them pictures of Callie and Henry, though she is sure that Chloe, Aubrey, Stacie, and Emily, have all showed them their fair share).
But Beca has yet to see them in person. She has continued to text and participate in the occasional video chat with the rest of the Bellas but seeing them in person just hasn't been something that she has been comfortable enough to do. With Callie and Henry at the forefront of her mind, combined with the still ever-present feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment associated with her life for the last ten years, Beca hasn't wanted to be in the same room as the people that she left behind. A situation that, in comparison to a computer screen, would reveal everyone's true thoughts about Beca and her kids very quickly.
Chloe (and Aubrey, Stacie, and Emily) have assured her countless of times that the rest of the women want nothing more than to see Beca again and to meet the kids. That they, too, feel guilty for not reaching out sooner.
It took some persuasion, but Beca eventually agreed to go to Jessica's baby shower once Chloe promised they would only stay one night and that it would be an extremely low-key event.
The rest of the Bellas are ecstatic; Beca has lost sleep over it.
"By that look, I'm guessing you're a little anxious about seeing everyone?"
Beca rubs her hand up the side of her arm, her fingers catching on her sweater. "Just a bit, yeah."
"Okay. Talk to me. Why's that?"
Beca shrugs once more. It took her a long time to outwardly claim the feelings she's currently experiencing. Lots of self-reflection and lots of time with Dr. Taylor. "Same thing as always… the guilt; the embarrassment. I don't want it to be awkward."
Dr. Taylor lets out a quiet hum. "Well, I think, if anything, it may be a little awkward in the beginning, but only because they aren't going to want to say the wrong thing. You've talked to them before – it isn't like this is the first time you'll be speaking with them since you moved to Los Angeles. That should give you some comfort, right?"
"A bit. I'm trying to stay calm about it and just push the feelings away. It helps that uh… that Chloe's been saying that she'll stay with me, or whatever, for the weekend; diffuse any awkwardness. We're driving in with Stacie and Aubrey, so they'll obviously be there, and so will Em. It's fine, just, I'm just sort of… relapsing into old thinking patterns if that makes sense."
"Well, I am glad that you have your comfort and your support system with you – lean on them. As far as you've told me, those four, Chloe especially, have not let you down. You know Chloe – and the rest of them, of course – won't leave you to fend for yourself. And I wouldn't necessarily call it 'relapsing into old thinking patterns', more like you've lived through a very traumatic decade and have PTSD from those events – you have every reason to feel the way you feel but remember that those feelings are neither productive nor are they exactly truthful in how the rest of the world sees you. Right?"
It's a conversation they've had thousands of times before, but apparently, Beca continues to need to hear it. "Right."
"Alright – and you know you can contact me at any point if you need to talk."
"I know; thank you, Dr. Taylor."
She gives a gentle nod. "Of course. Now, unless you have something you would like to talk about, I would like to ask you one more thing before we wrap up for today."
Beca leans back a little further with a sigh. As much as she likes Dr. Taylor, therapy, and this work, are exhausting. "Fire away."
Dr. Taylor crosses and uncrosses her legs, settling comfortably into her armchair. "Now, I don't normally do this, and it is totally okay if you do not want to answer or if you think I am overstepping. But I noticed something about a month ago, and I've been waiting for you to bring it up, but we have yet to broach the subject…"
Beca quirks an eyebrow upward. "Okay…?"
The therapist lifts her left hand and uses her right to tap against her ring finger. "I noticed that you took your wedding ring off. Can we talk about that?"
The weight that had previously settled on Beca's chest lifts ever so slightly. She wasn't sure exactly what Dr. Taylor was alluding to, but this – this is an easy question.
Okay, so, maybe, it wasn't the easiest decision to take her wedding ring off. Back at Callie's birthday party six months ago when Karla brought up the decision to keep it on, Beca had nonchalantly brushed the woman off and gone to talk with Callie instead. She forgot about the discussion until that night when she was lying in bed, and the ring had brushed against her thigh.
Suddenly, it felt heavier than it ever had, especially with Karla confirming her suspicions that the ring means more to other people than it means to her. She meant it when she said she never felt a connection to it; that she had spent so long with the object settled at the base of her finger – ignoring both the ring and the deeper meaning behind it so as to remove herself from the situation – that its presence no longer impacted her, but no one seemed to believe her.
No one seemed to believe that, if she was so impartial to the piece of jewelry, that if she truly didn't notice its presence – why did she keep it on her finger?
And really, Beca had – and continues to have – no idea why she left it on for as long as she did.
If she had to pinpoint a reason, maybe it would be because it kept unwanted advances away from her in public.
Maybe it would be because it kept the kids from being confused as to why she took it off.
Maybe it would be because taking it off would cause one more change, the one that would leave her vulnerable to the whole intimacy and relationship aspect of this life that she is supposed to be living – the one that Dr. Taylor, and Karla, and Emily, and Stacie, and Aubrey, and everyone else seems to be harping on – but Beca couldn't be more uncomfortable thinking about.
Maybe it would be because the ring, when she did notice it, was a reminder of the mistakes she made, and keeping it on was some subconscious way of continuing to hold herself accountable.
But she had kept it on after Callie's birthday. She had ignored it, just like always, and brushed off everyone's future questions about it (though Chloe was the only one that never asked about it, and for that Beca felt both grateful and a little surprised, because Chloe was all about Beca embracing her freedom and the second stage of her life).
Beca only took it off when, after calming Callie down from a particularly bad nightmare, Callie had asked her (as part of her, now regular, questionings) why she continued to wear the ring if her and Theo were divorced. Why she would still want that connection to him.
Hearing, arguably, the same sentiments that she had been listening to for the last six months from her daughter, was different for Beca. She had brushed off her daughter's concern at first, but then, again, laying in bed that night, staring at the ring - she finally came to the decision that it was time.
Sure, maybe Beca caved a little too quickly under her daughter's inquisitive words, but her sweet voice, the way her big blue eyes, the ones that have seen far too much at this point, stared up at her with such a commitment and authenticity to them – it all made something click inside of her.
And in the darkness of the bedroom, Beca slid the ring off her finger and dropped it on the bedside table with a soft thunk, tears quickly streaming down her face in turn as she felt a visceral weight fall from her chest.
So, yeah, maybe Beca was holding on to some sick sort of security to keep her safe from the uncertainty of the future.
Maybe she was using the ring as protection.
Maybe she was keeping it on because she still hears Theo's voice if she does something wrong, or if she is reminded of him in some way shape or form.
Maybe, a small, irrational part of her was scared that he would somehow escape from jail and come find her and would hurt her harder because she took off her ring.
Whatever the reason – it made sense to Beca. It made sense until Callie, with all of her wisdom, love, and courage, combined with time, made Beca see that, perhaps, it was time to take that leap. Break free of those chains.
Continue to be the courageous, amazing woman that Callie sees her as.
But rather than saying all of that, Beca just allows the corner of her mouth to tug upward in a small smile. "I was just ready."
"Callie… Cal, bug, I'm leaving."
Beca crouches down in the darkness of Callie and Henry's bedroom, her hand gently rubbing Callie's back as the nine-year-old stirs from her slumber, a result of the promise Beca made to her to wake her up before she left so that she could say goodbye.
This will be the first time since Beca flew back to Los Angeles to finalize the divorce that Callie and Henry will be home without her. Although Callie's separation anxiety has improved, it certainly has not improved to the extent that Callie is totally fine with her mother leaving for a night. Last night it took about an hour longer than normal to get Callie to sleep, Callie not wanting to close her eyes for fear of becoming vulnerable to nightmares associated with Beca leaving.
Surprisingly, Callie slept through the night – but Beca was not going to go back on her promise to wake her this morning.
Callie stretches under the covers, her fist peaking up from the various layers protecting her from the chill of the early November morning and rubbing her eye tiredly. She squints up at Beca. "You're leaving?"
Beca keeps her voice at a whisper, trying not to wake Henry, who she said goodbye to just moments before. "I am. Karla is in the living room, and she'll make you breakfast when you wake up a little later, okay?"
Callie nods, slowly sitting up in bed and wrapping her arms around Beca's neck. "Can I call you after breakfast?"
"Of course you can. Call me whenever you want, but I want you to try and have fun with Karla and Henry, too, alright?"
"I'll try."
"And remember what we talked about – if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, you can tell Karla – she knows how to do your breathing exercises, and she can call me so we can talk. Don't let it get to the point that your chest is hurting, and you start getting super panicky, alright, bug?"
"I know. Love you, Mama. Have fun."
"Thank you, Cal. I love you too – you have fun with Karla and Henry. I want to hear all about what you did when I get home."
Beca gently lays Callie back down in bed, the exhaustion quickly overpowering Callie once more. Soon enough, her breathing evens out, her finger comes up to hook around the bridge of her nose, and Callie is fast asleep. She gives Callie one last kiss on her forehead, and does the same for Henry, before creeping out of the bedroom.
She pads down the hallway to where the lights are dimly shining for their early morning departure (another decision that was made with Callie and Henry's mental states in mind). Karla is sitting on the couch nursing a cup of tea, and Chloe is standing by the door with Beca's bag in her hand. "How'd she do?"
Beca waves her off, taking a grateful sip of coffee from her travel mug. "She fell back asleep before I finished talking with her. You ready to head out?"
Chloe nods, handing Beca's jacket to her. "Ready. But we have one stop to make first."
Even in the darkness of the apartment, with only the soft glow of the table lamp illuminating everybody's features, Beca can still see the glint of something in Chloe's eye. The faint smile tugging at her lips, almost as though she is trying to keep it hidden from the world.
Beca has known Chloe long enough to know that those expressions mean that Chloe is desperately trying to keep something from her.
"What do you have up your sleeve?"
There's no hesitancy in Beca's question, no doubt that whatever Chloe has going on won't be totally fine and safe – albeit maybe a little out of the ordinary. Beca's always known that she can trust Chloe, that she'll always have her back, and though she entered the beginning of the last couple of years a little wary of that fact, Chloe has proven herself time and time again to be one of Beca's biggest – if not the biggest – supporter.
Chloe grins. "You'll see."
Beca trusts Chloe with her life, and, more importantly, her kids' lives. She is continuously reminded of that fact day in and day out, when she experiences nothing but unwavering support from the redhead, who has seemingly put her own life on hold to make sure that Beca and the kids remain safely on their feet.
That's a question that often plagues Beca at night – wondering why Chloe has never – not once – mentioned a significant other or any other long-term boyfriend. Even when talking about the time where Beca was in Los Angeles, no one has mentioned anything of the sort in Chloe's life. It's always been about work and nothing else. Beca has always found it hard to believe that someone as amazing as Chloe has gone this long without settling down, without having kids (something that Chloe has talked about wanting since Beca's freshman year of college). It's oftentimes difficult to get Chloe to talk about anything like that in her life, and she often turns the questioning around on Beca, which, yes, is frustrating at times, but more often than not, is just puzzling.
But Beca can see the hesitancy flash across Chloe's face if she brings it up. She can see the way the incredibly talkative, charismatic, and effervescent redhead shuts down upon the slightest mention, and Beca – who has been in similar positions more times than she can count – never wants to make Chloe visibly uncomfortable, so, normally, she just moves on, left to ponder the situation later when she is alone with only her thoughts to keep her company.
There's also a part of Beca that wonders if Chloe is still keeping things from her due to some remaining resentment from Beca leaving and cutting off contact for ten years. That is something that she has talked to Dr. Taylor about on numerous occasions, and while the therapist has told her to just ask Chloe (which she has, which Chloe has always responded with a passionate, no, of course not!), a bigger part of Beca has found herself thinking that it may simply be the fact that maybe, to Chloe, they just aren't as close as they used to be.
Then again, Chloe goes and pulls stunts like this one – where she has Stacie pulling up outside of Lewis Elementary School at six o'clock on a Saturday morning – so eerily reminiscent of some of their wild adventures as captains of the Bellas, that has Beca going in a tailspin once more, not knowing whether there is any validity to any of her fears and worries.
Especially not when Chloe grabs her hand, gripping tightly and making Beca's stomach do a little flip.
Especially not when Chloe has a grin on her face, so bright it lights up the car, with excitement radiating off of her.
Especially not, when Chloe whispers, reverently, to Beca in the backseat, come on, I have something to show you; don't you trust me? before tugging Beca towards the school with neither Stacie nor Aubrey giving a hint as to what this is all about.
Especially not when Beca blindly follows her with only curiosity filling her mind, rather than doubt or nervousness. Because if Beca has learned one thing after everything that happened with Theo, it's that she feels safe when she's with Chloe.
She's always felt safe with Chloe.
"Want to tell me why we're breaking into an elementary school at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning?"
Chloe chuckles, tugging Beca up the staircase towards the main entrance. "Well, if we did it at any other time of the day, people might see us."
"Yeah, that's not exactly reassuring."
When they get to the door, Chloe pulls her I.D. out of her pocket. "It's also not breaking in if you have a key. Come on, I want to show you something."
They wait for the 'beep' letting them know that the building is unlocked before Chloe is taking Beca inside of the silent building. But, naturally, Beca doesn't find herself objecting, just smiling to herself as neither her nor Chloe release the other's hands, and Chloe leads the way down the familiar hallways of the building, not giving Beca any indication as to where she's going.
Again, so incredibly similar to how they acted around each other while they were at Barden.
It's not like Beca has never been inside of the school before. In fact, she has been inside quite frequently with all of Callie's struggles, and she'll occasionally join Chloe and Callie for lunch as well. But the wing Chloe is bringing her down is not familiar to her, so Beca allows herself to gaze at the student artwork on the wall, to peek into dark classrooms with chairs stacked on the desks, and to imagine a world where her kids are happily chatting with their friends in the hallways, mingling in between classes before their teachers come to usher them to their respective classrooms.
Chloe stops abruptly outside of an inconspicuous closed door. This one, unlike the others in the hallway, doesn't have any sort of decorations on the surface. It's void of any indication that it belongs in the school. It looks relatively depressing, in all honesty, surrounded by the other classrooms.
"We broke into a school so you could show me a blank door?"
Chloe rolls her eyes good-naturedly, finally releasing Beca's hand.
(Beca tries not to look down or show her disappointment at the sudden loss of contact; at the sudden loss of warmth.)
"First of all, we didn't break in. Second of all, I have a proposition for you."
"A proposition?" Beca says the word quietly, an eyebrow quirking upward. "What kind of 'proposition'?"
Beca watches as Chloe takes a deep breath, the other woman chewing briefly on her bottom lip, looking between Beca and the door as if something might pop out at them at any moment. There's a certain nervousness that Chloe is exuding that Beca rarely sees, and it does nothing more than to make Beca reach out and take her hand once more.
"Well, I know you've kind of been stressing about finding a job, and I'm not trying to push you or make you make a decision before you're ready…"
Beca glances hesitantly back at the door. "Okay…"
"Okay." Chloe lets out another breath before smiling again. "The head of our music department is stepping down after winter break. She has some family stuff that's been going on for a while and put in her notice a few weeks ago. I think you should apply."
Beca eyes Chloe, silence falling over them at the question. It is true that Chloe, most of all, has heard her worries about needing to find a job – needing to find some stability – and have a way to expel stress through some form of creative work, but she wasn't exactly expecting Chloe to be the one to find her a job. "Are you serious?"
Chloe nods, her excitement clearly growing. "You would start when we get back to school in January and you'd be in charge of teaching a couple of classes, managing the department, and putting together the spring recital. I know it's not as important as some of your other jobs, or maybe not as sophisticated, but it allows you to still work with music, have the same schedule as the kids, and gives you a little bit of a different occupation, out of the spotlight, that I know you've been looking for. But, again, totally no pressure and if you're not interest—"
Beca cuts Chloe off by wrapping her arms around the redhead, holding her close. It's the only thing she can think to do – the only way she can express her gratitude – for Chloe's continuous support in every aspect of her life.
She doesn't know what she would do without her.
It's not as awkward as Beca had been expecting it to be.
Well, scratch that – it's not awkward for as long as Beca had been expecting it to be.
They pull into Jessica's driveway at around ten thirty in the morning, parking behind the row of cars belonging to the Bellas that are already there from spending the night. Emily and Cynthia Rose had flown in the day before, and Flo had gotten there a couple of days ago. Ashley lives only about a half hour away but had gotten there yesterday afternoon as well. Amy and Lilly weren't able to make it because of their own lives, but Beca had talked with both of them a few weeks ago and had let them know that they would catch up soon (Beca, though never admitting it out loud, is grateful that the crowd is smaller by two people).
Even with the semi-smaller group, Beca's heart rate does pick up when Stacie turns the car off.
Chloe, though, always being one to be in-tune with Beca's emotions, senses her anxiety immediately. She takes Beca's hand without question, and the four of them sit in silence for a solid seven minutes until Beca lets out a shaky breath and declares that she's ready to go inside.
To the Bellas' credit – a group that has always had a sense of overwhelming enthusiasm to them, one that Beca has missed dearly but was a lot for college-Beca, let alone current-Beca – they aren't all waiting by the door when Aubrey leads the way into the house, Stacie close behind holding their present for Jessica, and Beca and Chloe hand-in-hand behind them. Instead, it's just Emily waiting in Jessica's front-entry way, the younger brunette grinning as soon as she sees everyone and welcoming them all with a big hug. After the brief exchange of pleasantries with Emily asking how the drive was and how Bella, Callie, and Henry are doing – as well as expressing how much she misses them – Emily lets them all know that the rest of the women are downstairs waiting, but that there was no rush and to take as much time that is needed for Beca to head down.
With Chloe never once straying from her side, Beca pulls her strength from her. She gives Emily a small smile, letting her know that she's fine, and follows Emily, Aubrey, and Stacie, downstairs into the finished basement, which is decorated with streamers and balloons with storks on them. There is a soft hum of voices that reaches Beca's ears upon the first step down the staircase, but that hum just about ceases as soon as it is apparent to the people downstairs that someone else has arrived.
Beca audibly gulps upon turning the corner, and Chloe squeezes her hand with the perfect amount of strength that grounds Beca to her reality. That she's going to see her friends – friends she hasn't seen in over a decade – in person, for the first time. It brings both tears of joy and fear to her eyes.
It happens in slow motion, the way the four other Bellas stop their conversation and turn to face the arriving group. Beca's heart stops in her chest, the way that she's face-to-face with all of her old (current?) friends. But smiles spread across their faces, and they jump up from where they are gathered around the counter in the corner, and they make their way over to the more open living area that Beca is standing in.
The volume stays quiet for the most part, everyone hugging and greeting Aubrey and Stacie first, most likely knowing that they are the safest to approach. Then that leaves Chloe and Beca, Chloe never once making a move to leave Beca's side.
Eventually, Beca finds her voice above every loud thought in her head spewing bits of self-doubt and anxiety that she's been struggling with in preparation of coming to see everyone today. She says hello to the other Bellas, and then, before anyone can make another move, "I just, uh… I want to say thank you, for inviting me… I know this is probably really out of the ordinary and probably a little strange, but I appreciate it."
That just about breaks the slightest bit of awkwardness in the room, with Jessica pushing her way to the front, big belly and all, and waves off Beca's worries – everyone else echoing the same sentiments. She pauses in front of the brunette, the same kind smile that Beca has always remembered her having, stretched across her lips, and says that she wouldn't have it any other way. She asks if it's okay to give her a hug, and before Beca knows it, she is being hugged by Jess, Ashley, Cynthia Rose, and Flo – and finds herself sinking into their respective embraces.
After that, Beca's internal thoughts and struggles quiet down. She's thrust into an afternoon of cheesy baby shower games, trips down memory lane, and learning everything that she's missed in the last ten years that hasn't been covered in previous FaceTime calls. Jessica shows Beca pictures of her other kids, as do Ashley and Flo. Cynthia Rose shows her pictures of her wife, who is expecting as well.
Beca finds herself being thrown back to her college days, enjoying the laughter, the stories, and everything in between, as the events of her own last ten years are shoved to the back of her mind. With Chloe's help, she keeps the attention off of herself, switching the subject should the conversation ever trend toward Los Angeles or, perhaps, an event that Beca missed out on. The one thing that she does passionately talk about, of course, are the kids. The Bellas don't hesitate to ask about Callie and Henry, both of whom the Bellas are dying to meet and have been dying to meet since learning about them.
Beca promises that after the New Year, that can be arranged.
They eat dinner from an Italian place in the city that Jessica lives in, and afterwards settle down on the couch in the living room, smiles still on everyone's faces. Beca makes herself comfortable in between the arm of the couch and Chloe, who hasn't left her side all day, as promised. It is during a group recollection of the ICAA finals from Beca's junior year that her phone buzzes in her back pocket. Surprisingly, Beca has only talked to the kids once today, and it was around lunch time because Henry – not Callie – wanted to talk to her. But now, with the time inching near nine o'clock, Beca isn't sure who is the reasoning behind the call, and for what.
Beca tosses the blanket that she's sharing with Chloe off of her lap – the position eerily similar to Thursday Night Movie Nights at the Bellas' house, though the cuddling used to be much more intense.
Chloe looks inquisitively up at her as she stands. "Is it Karla?"
Beca nods, holding the phone out as proof. "I'm hoping it's just to say goodnight. I'll be right back."
"Tell them I say 'hi' and that I miss them!"
She responds with a smile and a flutter inside of her chest. "I will."
Beca slips out of the living room, the conversation instantly picking back up, and walks down the hall to the guest bedroom that Emily is staying in. She closes the door over behind her, the crack allowing light to stream into the room, and answers the FaceTime call, Karla's tired face smiling up at her as she does so. "Hey, Karla."
Karla lets out a sigh, leaning her head on the hand not holding the phone. "Hi, Bec. How's it going over there?"
Beca smirks. "Better than it looks like it's going over there… the kids run you ragged?"
With Beca's help, Karla was able to go into retirement a few years early. She didn't really want to start nannying/tutoring kids in another family, with her age creeping up on her and with Callie and Henry truly holding on to her heart. Choosing to remain in Los Angeles, Beca helped her get a smaller apartment and set aside some funds for Karla's retirement, ensuring that she will be well supported into her old age. The woman is the closest thing the kids have to a grandmother, and Beca wants to make sure that she is protected and able to live the life she wants.
Karla's laugh rings out over the speaker. "It's been a good day. We went to the park; Callie convinced us to go to the library for a bit. Then we watched a movie, and I took them to dinner. Everything had been going well until about twenty minutes ago. Cal started quieting down when we started getting ready for bed… I just peeked in to check on her and she was crying. I'm not sure what happened – she won't talk to me, and Henry tried, too, but she wouldn't answer him, either. I wanted to hold off on calling until they were ready for bed, but I don't want her to get too deep inside of her mind if we can help it."
Beca's heart clenches in her chest. These instances, the ones where Callie completely shuts down, have been becoming fewer and farther between. But there are times when they sneak up on her, when they catch her and everyone else off guard, but even now, they don't normally last as long as they used to. Not when they have this down to a science. It's also not like she doesn't trust Karla to talk Callie down, it's more that, even though Callie loves Karla, hearing Beca's voice is, more often than not, the best solution.
These days, Chloe is really the only other one that has a similar effect on the kids.
"Absolutely. Thank you for calling. Where is Henry right now?"
"He is on your bed watching Monsters Inc. I told him he could stay up until Callie went to sleep."
"Perfect. I'll say goodnight to him after I check in with Cal. Thank you, Karla."
Karla waves off her gratitude. "Of course. Let's get you to your girl."
The camera bounces back and forth as Karla makes her way down the hallway to the kids' bedroom.
(Eventually, Beca would love to get a bigger place for her and the kids, but she wants to wait a while longer before throwing Callie and Henry into a brand-new situation. Again.)
Through the speaker, Beca listens as Karla taps on the door, speaking quietly to Callie. "Sweetheart, I have your Mama on the phone. Would talking to her help?"
Beca can't hear Callie's response, which makes her even more nervous, but soon enough, Karla is passing the phone to Callie, and her daughter's tear-stained face comes into the screen. Beca's heart shatters at the sight, but she's done this enough times to know that Callie is okay, albeit scared, and that this is just another bump in their long road to recovery. "Hi, baby girl. How's it going over there?"
Callie's sniffles reach Beca's ears. "Mama, when are you coming home?"
"Not until tomorrow afternoon, bug. But aren't you having fun with Karla and Henry? I heard you went to the library today! Did you get any new books?"
"Mama, I want you to come home."
Trying to ignore the thickness in her throat, Beca tries to keep her voice steady. "Cal, I want to be home with you too, but I'm a few hours away, baby. I'm not going to be able to come home right now. Can you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help?"
Callie lets out an uneven breath, the camera shaking in her hand. "I just really miss you and I want you to come home."
"I really miss you too, Cal. But I promise I am going to be home by dinner tomorrow and I was thinking we could have cheese quesadillas – how does that sound?"
Callie's breathing slows. "Are you sure you can't come home tonight?"
"I would if I could, bug, I promise. But you are being so brave by staying with Karla and Henry tonight." Callie stays silent on the other end. After a few beats, Beca starts once more. "Did something happen to make you this upset, Cal?"
In the darkness of the bedroom, Beca can barely see Callie shrug, her small figure barely being illuminated by the brightness of the screen. "I just got really sad all of a sudden."
"Okay… that's alright. That happens sometimes, remember? Andrea said that that can happen sometimes."
"Yeah. We talked about it this week, too."
"Good, that's good, babe. Now what can I do to help make you a little less sad? Do you want me to answer any questions? Maybe I can read a book? I can sit with you until you fall asleep…"
"Can you sing?"
Beca's not exactly surprised by the request, knowing that both Callie and Henry have always been babies that could be lulled to sleep by a lullaby. She's not exactly sure how it'll sound over the phone, but she's willing to do anything – she's always willing to do anything – for the kids. "Of course, Cal. Are you all washed up for bed? In your pjs?"
"Mhmm."
"Great. Get under your covers, babe." There's some more shuffling as Karla takes the phone back and helps Callie underneath her blankets. Soon enough, the screen is lighting up Callie's face as she nuzzles under the covers on her side. "Do you have any requests?"
Callie only hesitates for a moment. "The Never Say one."
Beca smirks knowingly, while simultaneously feeling something tug at her heart. It's one of Callie's favorite songs – one of five that never made it to any sort of album production meeting, or even crossed Theo's desk. These five, written before Callie was born, within the first two years of living in Los Angeles, that Beca wrote just for her.
Just to sort out the mess of emotions in her brain.
The emotions that still tend to weigh heavily on her.
The ones that have been coming back stronger than ever in recent months as she gets closer and closer to a certain person.
When the kids were younger, these songs were always guaranteed to calm them down. They still work to this day. Just like the person they're about.
"Okay, bug. Close your eyes."
"She seems like she's good, guys. Like, way better than she was during that first phone call." Flo speaks quietly from her spot in the armchair shortly after Beca dips into Jessica's guest bedroom.
Uneasy - and slightly annoyed - about discussing Beca when she's literally right down the hallway, Chloe hesitantly nods.
Stacie, lounging with Aubrey pressed against her chest and a glass of wine in her hand, keeps her voice low, too. "She was definitely nervous this morning, but Chloe, like always, calmed her down."
Cynthia Rose smiles knowingly. "Glad to see that nothing's changed in that department."
Chloe tenses, and Aubrey picks up on it immediately. "Can we talk about something other than our friend who is right down the hall and our other friend that is sitting right next to us?"
Cynthia Rose rolls her eyes, ignoring the familiar bite in Aubrey's words. "I'm just saying that it's nice to be back to this."
Jessica nods, her hand resting on her stomach. "Agreed. I'm so happy you all came out."
While everyone is exchanging the same thoughts about how glad they are to be there, with Beca back, with things returning to some previous stage of 'normal', Chloe can't help but let her mind wander past the surface level curiosity of 'how Beca is doing', and deeper into wondering how bad Beca's anxiety is, if the levels are rising because of whatever is going on with the kids, and if something bad happened with Callie or Henry. She's been in the bedroom for a little over ten minutes at this point and considering Beca hasn't left Chloe's side for the majority of the day, she feels as though she has a right to be mildly concerned.
But Chloe stays in her seat. She participates half-heartedly in the conversation as it turns to big plans for the next Bellas' reunion, with talks of going to Florida or South Carolina or maybe Oregon for a week or something. She keeps an eye on the clock, watching as Beca's absence turns to fifteen minutes, then twenty. At the twenty-five-minute mark, Chloe is unbearably antsy in her seat, and finally makes the decision to go after the brunette in order to make sure that both her, and her kids, are alright.
Just like she has always promised to do.
She doesn't give the Bellas much of an explanation, simply stating that she has to run to the bathroom. Aubrey and Emily give her a knowing look, but don't say anything to stop her, as she heads down the hallway towards the guest bedroom. The door is cracked open, and Chloe cautiously approaches the room, pausing just outside the threshold when she hears Beca's voice.
More specifically, she stops when she hears Beca's signing voice.
Beca's soothing alto is just as captivating as it always has been. Chloe is nearly entranced when she hears it, just as she was the first time that she heard it in the fourth-floor bathrooms of Baker Hall all those years ago. She's only heard Beca sing a couple of times – always for Callie and Henry – since coming back from Los Angeles, and each time it happens all Chloe can do is just stop and listen.
Which is exactly what Chloe does now, knowing that Beca is very clearly still on the phone with the kids, and not wanting to interrupt (or being able to pull herself away from Beca's voice), Chloe simply leans up against the wall, closing her eyes, and allowing the soft notes from Beca's mouth reach her ears.
Chloe has always prided herself on having an extensive musical knowledge, one that particularly applies to Beca Mitchell and her albums, singles, and EPs. She has listened to all of Beca's songs multiple times, and she's not exactly a stranger to other types of music. But this song is one that she has never heard before – it doesn't even sound remotely familiar. Yet, in Jessica's guest bedroom, Beca is singing it with such a familiarity that Chloe is almost certain that it is one of her own songs – new or old Chloe isn't sure – but it's just as magical and captivating as all of her other ones.
Chloe tries to keep her breathing quiet throughout the song, Beca's words getting quieter and more whispered as one (or both) of the kids clearly start falling asleep. But as Chloe gets closer to the opening of the room so that the words become clearer, Chloe's breath catches in her throat.
Because the words that she's hearing, the ones that Beca is clearly familiar with, have such a meaning that make Chloe stop to ensure that she's hearing them correctly.
"And all you never say is that you love me so. All I'll never know is if you want me oh. If only I could look into your mind. Maybe then I'd find a sign. Of all I want to hear you say to me…"
And yes, maybe Chloe is completely making this up. Maybe her mind is playing tricks on her, or maybe she's just not awake enough to be fully comprehending the words to a song that she has never heard before, at a volume that she can barely hear.
Maybe it's just her body, which has been wrestling with the same emotions and feelings that she's had since college, coming back in full swing.
But to Chloe – those words, the ones coming from Beca's mouth right now, sound a whole like words describing a situation where it is unclear whether love – love of the romantic, passionate kind – is requited.
And if that's the case – though there are thousands of ifs, ands, and buts that go along with this situation…
Chloe is completely and utterly screwed.
The song Beca is singing is called "All You Never Say" by Birdy.
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear any thoughts that you have if you want to share them!
I hope you all are well, and I will see you next week :)