Maria walked alongside the children as they ran errands in town for Frau Schmidt. After the termination of two of her maids, Maria had been trying to step up and help as much as she could. She was certain it was complete guilt that led her to do it, but it did seem like her help was appreciated. The children certainly didn't seem to mind having a reason to go on an adventure.
As they walked the streets, she saw the Abbey looming in the distance. She knew she needed to speak to Reverend Mother before she was expected to return, but she had been putting it off. She couldn't bear to see the look on her face when she told her why she could no longer be a nun. She would have to tell her the truth; she was one person in her life she simply could never lie to, which terrified her. The woman had the ability to look directly into her soul.
After her argument with Georg, if she even wanted to call it that, she had been thinking very seriously about their relationship. Seeing him cry was enough to shake her to the core of her being, and she knew that they had passed boundaries that could never be replaced. Things had simply become different between them, unspoken words and questions lingering in the air every time they spoke. She wanted so desperately to lay it all out in front of them and talk, but she wanted more desperately to lock it all away and avoid it at all costs. They were simply supposed to be a casual thing, a bit of fun and self-exploration before she started her new life.
Suddenly, the children began to scream with excitement, and she was pulled from her thoughts. She turned her head as the little ones pulled their hands out of hers and ran. There was only a brief moment of alarm before she realized that they were running to and embracing their Aunt Hede, who happened to be crossing the street a short distance from them. Georg had mentioned that she was to be in town and planning another visit, but she hadn't realized it would be so soon.
"Fraulein Maria, how are you?" They shared a smile as she caught up with the children.
"Quite well, thank you. And how is little Nora?"
"Oh a monster! I shoved her off on my own governess today, and I'm not at all ashamed of it." They laughed, and Hede leaned down to hug Gretl. "I've missed you all! What are you doing today?"
"We're running errands for Frau Schmidt." Friedrich answered, taking on the role of spokesperson for the group, as he often would.
"Well that's peculiar. Is she unwell?" Kurt spoke up, smiling.
"She's quite well, Fraulein Maria is just too nice to say no." They all laughed, and Maria feigned surprise. She pushed Kurt on the shoulder and smiled.
"We are learning how to be helpful to others and do good deeds."
"I don't see anything wrong with that at all." Hede said, looking over the children. "And learning such things from a future nun? You've got the best example you could ask for."
Liesl snorted, barely audible, but Maria turned fiercely to face her, giving her a warning look. It was one thing to be upset with her, but she would not allow the other children to know there was tension. She turned back toward the excitement to find Hede looking to her in question, but she only shook her head in response.
They had a couple more errands to run, but found that Hede was on her way to the villa and would be joining them for supper that evening. They all said their goodbyes and made their way back to completing their tasks, all excited about seeing each other later.
Maria was frustrated, unsure what she should do about Liesl. It was very clear that they needed to talk soon, as she was beginning to act out in subtle ways. She would roll her eyes, snort, or laugh in ways that had become increasingly disrespectful, and it was not like her at all to be that way. They had started their relationship with a bit of tension, but they had become so close in the past months. She had no idea what she was supposed to do to fix things. As they stepped onto the bus for home, Maria took the opportunity to stop Liesl as the others climbed aboard. She leaned close to her ear.
"If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. If you're disrespectful to me, you will not like the outcome." She pulled away and gave the girl a warning look before turning to board the bus. Liesl looked surprised by the tone of voice she used, but wordlessly followed her.
She sighed as she looked out the window. She desperately needed to fix her life.
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Supper with Hede was fun; everyone truly enjoyed her company, minus the Baroness, of course, who was completely taken aback by her energy. She was eccentric and exciting, airy and joyous, and a bit bawdy at times. Maria had never met someone more fascinating, and she wished she could have the opportunity to become better acquainted. Given her position as part of the staff, she knew it wasn't proper for her to do more than take care of the children, so she simply enjoyed the entertainment of watching Hede pick at and banter with the Baroness for the evening.
"Maria, do come and join us on the terrace when you're finished upstairs." Hede's voice met her as she had begun to lead the children to bed. They had spent the past hour or so entertaining their aunt with songs they had learned, and one they had been rehearsing for the party that would be thrown in a few weeks time. Maria looked to Georg for a response, unsure if it were wise for her to join them.
"Yes, please feel free join us, Fraulein." He acted indifferent, but she knew it was only to keep up appearances.
"Very well, then. I shouldn't be long." She smiled and caught up with the children, helping them through their bedtime routines. She braided Brigitta's hair before reading a story to the little ones, and by the time she had returned downstairs, it felt as if she were interrupting something. She felt uneasy and completely out of place as she approached the veranda, hearing laughter floating on the breeze into the house. She felt anxious and quickly turned to go. There was no reason for her to join them.
"There you are, get out here!" Hede stood from her chair, rushing to the door and grabbing Maria's hand to pull her outside. By that point she was very clearly intoxicated, but not enough to be belligerent. She brought Maria to an empty chair between herself and Max, and she sat gently.
Maria stayed quiet as they chatted, feeling increasingly uncomfortable by the minute, and not really knowing what to say. They spoke of vacations to places she'd never even heard of, or people she would never meet. It felt like she was a poor girl looking in on the rich, high-society life...which she supposed was exactly what was happening. And then her name caught her ear.
"I'm sorry, what?" Hede met her eyes and smiled brightly, placing a hand upon her arm.
"I asked how you came to be a governess here." She felt eyes upon her, and she felt nervous. She hoped she was hiding it well, at least.
"Oh, yes. Well, the Captain sent to the Abbey for a governess, and I was chosen."
"Yes, but how did you end up being the chosen one?" She felt a bit exposed, not really wanting to answer personal questions.
"I suppose it was God's will." She shrugged, not wanting to share with everyone that she was indeed quite the troublemaker and had been sent as a test...one that she obviously failed. Hede looked at her, examining her as if she were trying to read her mind. She wasn't sure she had ever been looked at like that before.
"You're quite secretive. You don't trust your current company, do you?" Maria's eyes widened a bit, looking around the table to find all eyes looking back to her. Georg gave her a small smile of reassurance, trying his best to ease her discomfort.
"I...well, no, I suppose I don't." Honesty was the best policy, she thought. Anyway, there was no love lost. The Baroness rolled her eyes, sighing in frustration.
"You don't have to be here, dear. What we're discussing would likely not be suited for your delicate, virgin ears anyway." Maria nodded, the Baroness sounding cruel and frustrated by her presence. She really didn't mind the opportunity to escape.
"My apologies. Good evening." Maria stood and began to leave, but Hede gripped her hand tighter to stop her.
"Don't let her treat you like that, you have been invited to join us." She looked to Georg for help, but he couldn't say much when it came to the Baroness, for obvious reasons. "Georg, why don't you and Max go and do whatever men do? I think we need some girl time."
"Do you?" He gave her a look of warning, the incredulous tone of his voice giving away a few secrets of his own. Maria looked between the two. Did Hede have suspicions about them too? "Fraulein, may I borrow you for a quick moment before Max and I retire to the drawing room?"
"Of course, sir." She stood and joined him across the veranda, doing her best not to stand too close or act too familiar.
"I don't know if you're picking up on it, but my sister is hitting on you." She snorted, doing her best not to laugh out loud.
"She isn't! Why on earth would you think that?" He looked back toward the table, watching Hede finish off a glass of wine in a large gulp.
"She and her husband have an...arrangement. Notice how much she's touching you." Maria thought back, noting that it was true that her hand or arm had been held nearly the entire time since she joined them. She shook her head in disbelief.
"No. You're completely mad, there's no way." He raised his eyebrows, her voice obviously showing her uncertainty.
"I simply wanted to warn you. Now I suppose I must go and watch Max drink himself into oblivion for the next hour." He gave her a wink, and they joined the others, looking most professional as they did so. Maria took her seat as the men left, and she couldn't help but notice Hede scoot closer to her. Certainly Georg was just trying to rattle her; his sister was simply an affectionate woman.
"Have some wine." Hede smiled as she poured a glass for Maria, and the Baroness laughed.
"Fraulein Maria doesn't drink. She's much too pure for that." Maria narrowed her eyes, growing tired of the jabs she received consistently from the Baroness. Hede laughed as well, handing the glass to Maria, brushing her fingers over her hand as she took it. Maria did her best to convince herself it was all innocent; she was just overly sensitive after Georg's comments.
"You'll like this, it's very sweet." Maria hesitated, but gingerly took a drink of the red wine in her glass. It was definitely sweet, but the alcohol was prominent. She determined that she simply did not care for the taste of alcohol.
"You see, Elsa? I have powers of persuasion." Maria turned her head and found Hede smiling at her, which she hesitantly returned. She reached forward and slowly pushed some of Maria's hair behind her ear, sighing. "Maria, why are you going to be a nun?"
"Hede, honestly!" The Baroness was either coming to her defense, or she was tired of Hede's antics; Maria couldn't tell at the moment, as she was distracted by doing her best to ignore all the little touches she was receiving.
"I just think it's such a waste that someone like you is going to be locked away and dressed in black for the rest of her life." Maria shrugged, unsure what to say, so she took another sip of wine.
"Actually, I've more recently decided not to pursue a life at the Abbey."
"You have?" Hede sounded excited, the Baroness looked surprised and defenseless. She wondered for a moment if the Baroness had felt she was a possible threat to her, but was able to ignore it due to her postulant status. There were many times in the past that she had wondered the same thing, but she always pushed the thoughts away. "What made you decide?"
"I simply do not feel that I'm a good fit for that lifestyle anymore." She shrugged, the Baroness eyeing her suspiciously. Hede became distracted, thankfully.
"Elsa, did you ever want to be a nun?" She laughed, taking a sip of her own wine.
"No, I like men far too much for all that."
"Hmm, me too. I couldn't imagine never feeling a man between my legs again." Maria choked on her wine, sputtering a bit back into her glass. Her heart was pounding. She had never really had female friends before. Did women really speak like this? Her company laughed at her surprise, and she brought a hand to her chest. Hede's next words sounded condescending and were spoken with a bit of a pout. "I'm sorry, was that one of those comments that isn't for virgin ears?"
"You simply surprised me."
"Now that you won't be a nun, you could experience so many delicious things." Maria hesitated, exceedingly uncomfortable by the moment.
"I suppose."
"Do you even know how it all works, Virgin Maria?" The Baroness spoke up, leaning a bit closer. It was her favorite game to play, after all. Any chance to make Maria uncomfortable, and she was ready at the drop of a hat. Maria ignored the condescending name and nodded her head in confirmation, hoping that would appease them.
"Not the dynamics, but how it really works. How it feels to be completely ravished." Hede spoke with such freedom, and it scared her. She wasn't sure what would come out of her mouth next, but didn't have much time to think as Hede leaned closer and ran a finger gently up her arm, giving her chills. "Have you ever been kissed?"
"I know you're both enjoying this game, but I think it's time for me to retire for the evening." She began to stand, but Hede pulled her back down.
"No, I'm sorry! We are just trying to get to know you better."
"You couldn't ask my favorite color instead?"
"No, I want to know if you've ever been kissed." She sighed, feeling the wine going to her head as she finished off her glass. It didn't taste very good to her, but it was at least calming her nerves a bit.
"Okay then, yes I have."
"I knew it." She bit her lip in excitement, deciding on her next question. "Have you ever had an orgasm?" Maria's eyes widened at the question, not expecting that at all.
"Have you ever not said the first thing on your mind?" The Baroness laughed at Maria's question, clearly becoming intoxicated as well and enjoying every moment of their "girl time." It felt more like an interrogation, Maria thought.
"So, yes then?" She smiled in delight, getting such joy out of asking intimate questions.
"Have you?"
"Your avoidance tells me yes. Self pleasure, or has Virgin Maria had a man?" She felt hot, her cheeks becoming red in an instant. She was proud of herself for not blushing up until that point, but she had no idea what was even happening anymore.
"Hede, leave her alone. Even I can't bear to watch her squirm like this." The Baroness gave Maria a wicked smile, a challenge almost. She knew if she wanted to, she held the power to completely crush the Baroness by revealing that she was actually bedding her own man, that she had in fact been in his bedroom gasping in pleasure just the night before. But she knew she could never hurt her in that way, no matter how frustrated she became. Maria took another drink from her glass that had apparently been refilled at some point.
"Alright, both." She answered quickly, sure she could hear a pin drop at the silence from the women at the table as they stared at her. "Isn't that what you wanted to hear?"
"I can't believe it!" Hede clapped excitedly, ready to set in on a new line of questioning, but the Baroness beat her to speaking.
"You're lying. You've had a man?"
"Yes, I have. Have you, Baroness?" She took a sip of her wine, eyebrows raised in challenge. Hede laughed freely, so terribly drunk that she couldn't stop.
"I beg your pardon."
"You both seem so interested in my virtue. I can't ask questions about yours?"
"Our virtue is long gone, dear. We've both been married, of course; several times in my case." Hede laughed, her hand coming to rest on Maria's leg. "My first husband was in the navy. Quite a boring lover, but he didn't mind me finding that elsewhere."
"With women?" Hede looked surprised, her eyes widening. The Baroness smiled brightly, having known Hede long enough to know that she had her eyes set on Maria all night.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"It just seems that..."
"Do I strike you as a woman who sleeps with other women, Maria?"
"Well, you haven't taken your hands off me since I sat down." She laughed, not bothering to remove her hand from Maria's lap where it had been resting.
"Elsa, have you ever had another woman?"
"No, of course not. We can't all be as free-spirited as you."
"Oh, it is wonderful. Women are much softer than men, much more gentle when it's important to be. And women know exactly what to do with a woman's body, just the right way to kiss and touch. It can be so sensational." She smiled, finishing yet another glass of wine. Maria had never felt an attraction to another woman, so she wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond. She and the Baroness met eyes and shared a shrug, probably the first time they had ever actually connected since they met. Suddenly, without any warning, Hede took Maria's face in her hands and kissed her full on the lips, causing her to gasp in surprise. She had certainly been caught off guard and quickly broke the kiss, standing and backing away as she pulled herself out of Hede's grasp.
"What the hell are you doing?" Her heart was racing.
"Showing you, of course." Maria ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head in confusion. The Baroness simply stared at them with interested eyes, unable to hide her own surprise.
"I didn't ask you to."
"Don't be a bore, we were just having a good time." She took another drink of her wine, and Maria felt that her company was too drunk for her liking.
"As much fun as this has been, I am going." She turned and walked away, completely ignoring the protests from behind her. It wasn't that she had a problem with Hede's interests; on the contrary, she didn't much care one way or the other. But she had given her no indication that she was herself interested in experimenting.
She poked her head into the drawing room where Georg and Max were sharing drinks and chatting away, much more calmly than her "girl time" she thought, and wondered if she would have fit in better with the men. Georg looked up to meet her eyes when she knocked, smiling a bit at her appearance in the doorway. He clearly hadn't expected to see her.
"Fraulein, are you enjoying yourself?" She rolled her eyes, leaning in a bit further.
"I just thought you'd appreciate knowing that you were right." Max seemed confused, but she had his undivided attention as well.
"About Hede?" He smiled wider, and she nodded. "What happened?"
"I'm sure her version of the story will be much better." She tapped her lips once with her forefinger, hoping he would pick up on their signal as well.
"She kissed you?" She turned to walk away without giving a response.
"Goodnight Captain, Herr Detweiler." She heard Georg laughing as she ascended the stairs toward her bedroom, glad he at least was amused. She was sufficiently embarrassed by the evening.