/
I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act One: Matou
Witching Hour (Music) /EQC0DcXFxvE
They say he was afraid of the sun.
When the boy woke up the next day, he had conveniently forgotten all about what had happened before.
Though, it didn't take too long for him to realize the unreasonable fate bestowed on him.
'Give him penalty! Give him crime!' So started the first day they etched a curse into his skin.
He screamed and screamed, cursing everything that could do this to him.
Though, That didn't last very long... Once everything unnecessary was cut out of his body, he no longer had the ability to make a sound anymore.
He hated them for what they were doing; It was the height of madness.
He was left confined on the summit of Mount Bitnik to serve his role as the devil and source of all man's suffering.
It was fitting then that he was given his own hell on earth. A stone prison with no cover, so that the sun could smite him.
The cuts on his body, inscribing all the sins of the world, were left untreated. The blaring of the sunlight melted his skin, and the fall of volcanic ash dyed it to the color of shadow.
Unnatural, something that no human could be born with.
He should have died every day, if not for the villagers that would save him at the brink.
His crime was ongoing. As long as there was suffering in the world, then he must be punished for it as a result.
He lived because they wanted him to live... Everything about him was feared.
They feared his existence, yet they were grateful for him.
His torture was their absolution.
So they also feared that he would leave.
But after experiencing all the suffering that a man can experience, of course, the boy died. His hatred towards this unfairness was burned into the walls of his stone prison, and he became a nameless ghost.
In the end, what he became was nothing short of what they wished of him.
Hate was something that he wore, just as his skin wore all the curses of the world.
A representation of hate, merely a human creation. Thus a representation of man in the purest sense.
No being understood more clearly the wrongdoing of humanity...
...But for the same reasons...
No being understood the value of life more so than him—the one that was denied it.
Long after the boy was gone, long after the people he hated were gone, long after the village itself was gone, he remained bound to the top of the mountain, watching the doings of mankind, their ugliness, and their joys.
A warm light. He thinks of the "normal days" he was never given, like a sage.
Born as a human, lived as a demon, and in death: a hero.
In effect, he was an anomaly in an age where almost anything seemed possible.
His life was wholly unremarkable; he did nothing but suffer for the sake of others.
The human order is a curious thing then... that it would make such an extreme exception for him.
To bring him to a place where legends were deified and give him a chance to be the evil that was wished of him.
(Music Stop)
When I wake up, I'm in my room.
The spring sunrise welcomes me from the window.
"..." Him again...
By now, it could be said that I felt that I knew him: Angra Mainyu, that is.
I understand why I dream of that fire; that pain is something deep. Yet this has no connection to me.
Why do I see such a thing? As if I am seeing an old memory...
What is it he's trying to tell me?
"Haah..." It's ridiculous... it's just a story, an old story...
And even if it did really happen, why would such a person care about me?
I'm fine, my nerves are a little on edge, but I steady that with a deep breath.
I'll take it over the fire any day. There is less sweat with this dream.
I leave my room after tidying up and make it to the dojo alone. A daily routine can't be broken, no matter what.
But even after calming myself down from this dream, I'm still annoyed.
I start to think of my own problems of late.
Whirlpool of Fate 2 (Music) /3wXmgL-CuY0
I had been a spoiled brat, thinking I could save Mom and Onee-san when Dad hasn't been able to so far.
Those weeks after I had developed a working switch were great—every lesson I was reinforcing better than before.
When it came to Reinforcement and Projection, learning was as natural as breathing.
Even its theory, which took some time to learn from Mom, seemed to fill a natural gap of knowledge in my mind now.
The combination of that quickness and Mom being a great magus made me think magic was easy.
And that I could figure out the way to free her without much more effort.
Those optimistic thoughts didn't last very long...
In fact, It was when I achieved my greatest success to date that my ignorance was exposed.
It was when both Mom and Dad separately told me that my ability had surpassed their own, that I was reinforcing better than they did.
I was so proud of myself at first that I didn't see the issue until the day after that.
The funny thing was that from how I saw it, I still had far to go. Yet, for them, I was already hitting the limit that that reinforcement is thought to stop at.
So it would be up to me to teach myself.
That itself wasn't the problem. I had already been practicing alone in the shed every morning.
The real problem lay with the lack of substantive progress made with it.
I've reached my first wall in magecraft and have nothing to show for it.
I hadn't saved any with what I had, and I still didn't know how I was supposed to make it so Mom could come home.
I had become engrossed in tracing to the point that I was Improving for the sake of improving.
I was acting like a magus, not a magic-user.
Without a strong goal, without a strong ideal, you'll become swept up in the little details of magic until all you care about is your own power. All for your own sake; to hoard.
I needed to become a hero. It's just a much longer and confusing path than I was wishing it would be...
Another mistake had been confusing my skill with strengthening with my skill in magecraft.
Mom showed me a shortlist of what forms of magics exist. It showed me that even if I could fully bring Reinforcement, Curses, and Projection to their full potential within me, I would still be a novice compared to the knowledge of average magi.
The list was as follows,
'Alchemy, Black Magic, Witchcraft, Kabbalah, Runecraft, Necromancy, Onmyoudou, Spiritual Evocation, Curses, Flow and Transfer of Power, Healing magic, Holy magic, Houjutsu, Material Transmutation, Mental Interference, Elemental Magecraft, Emotional Magecraft, Formalcraft, Time Manipulation, Spatial Manipulation, Illusion magic...'
That doesn't even account for the magic so exotic it shatters Human understanding, or so rare its existence isn't known past certain individuals.
Each of these traditions encompasses hundreds to thousands of mysteries. That further divides into as many spells that a magus can imagine.
Reinforcement and projection fell into Material transmutation. That was obvious. But the way that I cast a curse was not much different than how I projected something.
It makes me uncertain if what I'm thinking of as a curse is somehow different than what is traditionally known as one.
It's kind of like I'm only ever casting one spell, and using it for many different applications.
I just hope that it is enough to give me what I need.
If that doesn't work, then I'll just have to learn every sort of magecraft until I succeed, even if it takes me forever.
So the best thing I can do now is change focus, to something I needed to improve on much more than I did with reinforcement.
It's more of Mom's idea than mine, really.
The best way forward is for mom to teach me about Curses... again.
After that first experience, Mom disappeared for almost three weeks.
And when she returned, she didn't speak of it, continuing to teach me about everything but that.
That changed after I exceeded her ability to teach Strengthening.
With a rare look of hesitation, she told me this, "Shirou... To learn curses will be a harrowing thing; can you continue to despite that?"
Almost more to convince herself than me.
Her reddish eyes seemed to be conflicted for the first time. As if every part of her didn't want me to do this... but knew that it was necessary.
I'm not one to back down.
I accepted the pain, as long as the outcome remains.
I was happy that she would teach me, yet that feeling coincides with the discomfort I feel with the idea of a curse.
It is evil magic; no matter the explanation of 'necessary evil,' I can't get over that.
Curses were destructive. The crystallization of suffering, meant only to spread the misery of a crime to others.
According to Dad, all magic is a tool to be used for others.
According to Mom, the struggle inside yourself will determine the virtue of your magic.
'Even still...'
Even if I knew I was good myself, I couldn't help but fear how using something evil could change me.
A hero who uses evil methods is a... anti-hero? Mom said that.
'I don't want to be that...' people would be saved, yet they would cry at the cost...
But, if that was what was required... then...
'Ughh.' It wasn't worth thinking about.
Be true to myself.
That's all I need to do.
You can never go wrong if you do that.
I still train myself hard every day, strengthening anything I came across, even animals, a few times.
Thankfully, I was careful about it, and there were no horrible incidents—just some problems with super-strong cats running around the neighborhood for a while.
Taiga made some money cleaning up after that...
It is a strange moment. I thought I would keep learning and improving to the point that Mom would tell me what I could do to free her, and that would do that.
Instead, I'm starting from the beginning. Trying to figure out the solution to an issue that I have no real understanding of.
It all makes me so mad.
If only I could simply project Mom and Ilya like I could project these bowls, making this whole issue pretty easy.
Though I wouldn't want them to be empty, bereft of any substance.
If I could figure out a way to fill them then,
Hmm...
...I guess I'm not doing anything else with my time.
Judging the concept of creation.
Hypothesizing the basic structure.
Duplicating the composition material.
These are the steps to tracing, yet it feels wrong... like I'm missing an entire step to it.
This is enough to reinforce almost perfectly, but what if I've been going about the wrong way? What if I had focused on the logical workings of Reinforcement and forgotten about a different side to see it?
What if there were more sides to it, that could give that sense of meaning to a projected object, the same way that a real one has?
'What would it be...?" I thought hard enough to make myself frustrated again.
'This is stupid...' Projection is useless magic...
What would be the point of making an unlimited number of bowls anyway?
But still... I have to figure that out at some point, if only so that I won't be behind all the other Magi who have figured it out themselves.
I leave the dojo and move through the cold courtyard to make breakfast.
It's an important date today.: April 7.
The start of fifth grade for me but also the first day of Taiga's last year: twelfth grade.
So I need to give her a good burst of protein.
Entering the kitchen, I start breakfast for three. Dad has a knack for trying to show up at the same exact time as Taiga does. I don't rightly know why. It seems to amuse him, though.
Dad is here today... He left on a total of three trips since November.
Each time he returns with a sad smile on his face, telling me some strange story. I don't ask how it went; there is no need.
The lack of a little white girl by his side makes that obvious.
It would simply be mean to go into it further.
When we do speak of Mom and Ilya, it is only when he initiates it. I feel bad that he feels like he has the responsibility to tell me, but I am also too curious to stop him. So I like to listen quietly, the same as when he tells me some travel story.
Dad... is not an intimate person. We do not hug or share our feelings. He has no tendency to stroke my head as Mom does.
That's how he is... but I can tell that he does care.
There is no greater conflicted smile than the one he holds when he tells me about them.
"Ohaiyo!" A sing-songy voice comes from the entrance.
Taiga arrives in her typical fashion, late that is.
At the same time, Dad enters the room from the hallway leading to his study wearing a kimono.
"Ohaiyo, Shirou..." Enthusiasm for the morning was not exactly Dad's strong suit.
He sniffed in the air and seemed to notice the smell in the air.
"Eggs, Shirou?"
"Yup... Eggs and rice."
"Eggs and rice!? Sounds good to me!" Fuji-nee pounced into her seat.
The days that Kiritsugu resisted me were long gone. My kitchen supremacy was complete.
"It's your last year of secondary, Taiga-chan... What are you thinking to do next?" Dad spoke up between sips.
"Kiritsugu... I'm thinking that... I've made up my mind. I am going to become an English teacher."
"Wow, All those lessons are going to pay off, eh?" Kiritsugu sounded pleased.
It was like he felt he had achieved something with her; he did, though, as he was his teacher.
"Yeah, it feels like that ever since Shirou joined in. Things have been going so much better."
I felt a little embarrassed about that.
"Then it seems like Shirou has been as much your teacher as your student." Kiritsugu teased.
"Don't underestimate me! I would have been fine without him."
"I'm sure..." Of course, dad knew better than to poke the tiger any further.
I could get away with a little more, though.
"It is true. When we started from the basics, Fuji-nee, I recall you being confused every other word." she pointed her finger at me defensively.
"Well, you try learning from Kiritsugu directly! He refused to speak anything but English!"
I do recall that being an issue.
Dad puts on his best teacher voice, "That's the best way to learn, Taiga-chan. Otherwise, you will be holding yourself back in the wrong term."
"Yeah..." Fuji-nee expressed a rare look of self-introspection. She was on the verge of adulthood now.
Kiritsugu could be known as a Taiga whisperer of sorts; she regarded him on the same level as her grandfather.
He continued, "It is your final year, Taiga. Has kendo changed your mind about your future?"
"Kendo's nice... and It's about the only thing that I feel like I can exhaust myself with... But, I... Don't think I want all that attention."
Taiga had made it to the national competition, and very well could have won... but they disqualified her after she refused to remove the tiger strap on her shinai...
'I don't know if I can blame them...' Her shinai was not normal. I could sense that it was cursed. A legit old curse that thirsts for blood once the sword is unsheathed.
It actually gave me a few ideas on my current difficulties with curses; perhaps I've been looking at it all wrong? The method of cursing a person and an object may be two entirely different things.
Have I been casting a curse for a person, and expecting it to work on a stick?
...If so, then it's just another mistake I've made with all this magecraft stuff; it seems like I make a lot of those.
Anyways, Fuji-nee is certainly a mysterious individual...
Fuji-nee didn't seem bothered about it either. It was her way of stopping herself through disqualification... because if she had entered the competition, then nothing would have been able to stop her. So she stopped herself before entering it.
Sipping his tea, Kiritsugu continued deliberately, "I see... Teacher, it is then. But that means...?"
"University... Yes, Homurahara Academy is affiliated to Mion University in Shinto."
"You could go anywhere, you know. I could find a place for you in London or Tokyo if you want?" Dad casually offered to pay for such a thing, but it's not like Fuji-nee's family isn't loaded too.
"Fuyuki is my home. I couldn't leave it..." She stole a look at me.
'Fuji-nee...'
I didn't want to hold her back, "I don't want you to feel any responsibility for me, Fuji-nee..." she blew away the strand of hair in her face and acted like she was making some big sacrifice.
"It's a little late for that Shirou... And if I left, who would make my meals?"
I could imagine it now: she would leave for some college somewhere and immediately call me and ask if I could somehow bring her lunch across prefectural lines.
"That's certainly true..."
"Yup! I'll be in your continued care, you two. I'm much happier here with family than I would be far away."
We were a family... but it wasn't enough... once you know there are people missing.
"Breakfast is over; you both have a school to get to, don't you?"
"Yeah..." I left it to Kiritsugu to clean up the rest as I gathered my school supplies and started walking with Taiga through Miyama.
Technically we were both students at the same school: Homurahara Academy. That was new, though.
There had been a restructuring of schools in Fuyuki.
My old one was shut down, and a different one on the other side of the bridge was turned into a middle school.
It was all confusing to me. I liked the old one. But it would also mean that Fuji-nee would be taking me to school herself every day, as it was the same destination.
'So if anything, I can at least see her kendo maybe...'
Ah, wait... I cant.
My daily walk was my most important part of the day, even if mom wasn't there.
I can't skip, just as Mom can't be there any other time than then.
Passing over a hill, I see the school pass into view, still a distance away.
The elementary school was simply a slightly smaller building next door to the high school.
So I was happy with it too, it meant that all the people that hadn't been with me at the last school would be at this one.
'...not that I have anyone that I really got along with...'
"How are you feeling, Fui-nee?"
"Exited, Shirou. Hehehe, I bet you're going to be looking for a girlfriend now that you're moving up!"
A flush to my face, "It's fifth grade, Fuji-nee... Please have some self-control."
"You say that now, hehe. But when you're going through your teenage years, though, you'll be running after girls left and right; that's how all boys are."
"I'll be too busy running after Dad. Heroes don't have time for girls, Fuji-nee... And if that's so true, why weren't any boys running after you, eh?"
I was already running by the time she realized what I had said.
"You brat, get back here!"
I ran all the way to the intersection—the sound of Taiga's pursuit on my back.
The intersection was ahead. If I can make it there, then I can declare victory!
In what, you ask? Well, I don't really know.
I look back for a second, but that is a major mistake.
I slowed just enough that Taiga barreled into me.
"Aghh!" I, too, on her weight and sustained the impact for the two of us.
We flew through the air, towards the busy road.
Right as we were about to find ourselves roadkill, we instead impacted an empty garbage can, and we're stopped.
"Ouchie, Shirou... why have you done this to me!?" Taiga moaned even though she used me to break her fall.
"Sorry... I didn't think you would run after me that fast."
Add that to the number of physical incidents between Emiya Shirou and Fujimaru Taiga. You wouldn't want to know the total number...
"You need to be careful running like that. There are cars that would smoosh you underneath! You're not old enough to be doing something like that."
"Ten is old too!" We slowly pull each other up.
We weren't worse for wear.
It was the invincibility of youth in effect, add that onto the luck of Fuji-nee, and you have a situation where I don't think any calamity would be enough to put an end to us.
"It's funny, Shirou. When you're young, all you want to do is grow up, and when you grow up, all you will want to do is go back to being a kid." A surprisingly wise thing to say by Taiga's metrics.
"Well, we'll see..." It did seem like dad liked to act like a kid all the time. I just wanted to help him like an adult could.
We stayed there and made sure everything was cleaned up. Just as we are about to finish, A familiar voice comes out behind me.
"Emiya-Kun?"
"Hmm, who is it?" I don't look back as I put the last thing back into place.
"..." A burning feeling develops in my neck.
'There's only one person that could be...' I turned around a saw the person who is not my good friend.
"Tohsaka-san? Is that you? What are you doing here?"
"I'm off to school, of course." Her hair was perfect, but her eyes...
They were bloodied with deep black holes under them. Like she had absolutely no sleep.
It was clear. She was not in a good mood.
"Are you alone today, Tohsaka-san?" Taiga asked her, trying to act her age.
"...I walk to school alone, Fujimura-senpai." She said after a small silence.
"I see..." I knew nothing of her family.
"Why don't you walk with us then? we wouldn't mind, right Shirou?" Fuji-nee's friendly nature came out.
"That would be good. We could be walking buddies as well as bus buddies!" Taiga's face started to look like a detective's.
'Ahh, I never told Taiga about Tohsaka and me, did I? Nor does Tohsaka now about Taiga either...'
This is a troublesome pair.
But it was Tonsaka that would save me.
"Hmmm, fine. I can accept that... If we happen to be walking to school at the same time, then I will happen to walk with you."
A hint of agitation came through by the end.
"That sounds great, Tohsaka-chan!" Fuji-nee seemed excited, no doubt thinking up all sorts of plans to mess with her budding kouhai.
Tohsaka had her sugary grin on, but I could tell by the twitching of her eye that she didn't enjoy being talked down to.
"Hmmmph..." Tohsaka grumbled to herself. I knew that once she had the energy, she would enact her revenge.
'Watch out, Taiga, even I may not be able to protect you from this one...'
Her luck would have to be enough.
We walked the rest of the way, Tohsaka's presence acting as a sort of supervision for Taiga.
My first impression of the new school was that it was big, with many cherry blossom petals lining the entrance. Fallen from the fully blooming Sakura trees on both sides to the entrance.
Taiga walked past us and said goodbye. The high school, and junior high school were a little further away.
The three new buildings would be the location of the next eight years of my education. For the world beneath the sun, at least.
"Wow, It's a big building, Tohsaka-san!" I said in awe.
"Nice observation, Shirou... You know that there are skyscrapers in Shinto, right?" She said, baffled.
"Yeah, but we never go in them. This is different!"
"I'm happy to hear you're so easily pleased. Anyways, I should be in class early. First impressions are important after all."
But in the same moment she dismissed me, she flipped around with a question.
"Oh, err... what class are you in...?" Her hands hid behind her back.
"Class B...you?" I responded.
"Class C..." she said calmly.
"I see..." That's too bad.
She looked resigned to something as if disappointed in losing a bet to herself.
She rubbed her temples and continued, "Listen, we are not friends. So... don't approach me, okay?"
"I know that... Tohsaka-san." I knew the deal.
Her eyes lingered on me, betraying something beneath her exterior.
'Did I do something wrong without knowing about it again?'
Tohsaka had a quick temper; that was the first thing I realized once we started to really talk to one another.
Yet, she said nothing.
This was the sort of girl Tohsaka was.
She would never hold back when we were alone, but she seemed like an entirely different person in public.
"Well, see you later..." She mumbled and walked away.
"Yeah! have a good first day, Tohsaka-san!"
I waved her off; I had to get to class as well.
Stomping off, she turned the corner looking as serious as a ten-year-old can.
It was something to admire... I think, even despite her... faults.
The morning was unremarkable, some friends reunited in class, and others, like me, seemed a little out of place.
I get along with everyone, but grow close to no one. I still don't quite understand how I am supposed to make a 'friend' my own age.
It seemed like it was shaping up to be as unremarkable as School had been so far.
That is, until recess came...
I waited to see if I could find Tohsaka anywhere, but I didn't see her.
I don't think she even came out to play...
'She doesn't want to see me in school anyways...'
I thought that I would be alone then, as it has been before. I like to take a walk around the playground... just thinking, I guess.
But that thought left as an enticing aroma came to me, brought by the flowing petals of the sakura.
It carried a familiar smell, one that I could not ignore... My body was there before my mind recognized I was moving at all.
The lovely scent of ash, mud, and decay. It was the essence of my family, and it led to a violet-haired girl with a blank stare—The girl who would become my first-ever friend.
Track 2 (Music) /lVvxMoRzcUM
There had once been a thought, a small hopeless rebellion.
I wanted to see if I could get a sunburn at recess.
But there was never enough for the sun to burn away all the time spent underground.
So the thought, as most things turned out, proved pointless.
If Ojii-sama didn't want it, then it would not happen.
But it was a nice thought, to be as dirty on the outside as I am on the inside.
If I had some visible disfigurement, I could match what I am on the inside.
'That's a no-good girl.' they would say. Then, the adults wouldn't have to pretend, and the kids wouldn't have to be confused about how to treat me.
My real home was underground, a damp, degenerate, and viscous place.
Elementary school was the out-of-place part.
For one, the other kids don't know how to treat me.
Kids have not developed the sensibilities of adults. As a result, they see no reason to be anything but true to themselves, and for many, that meant they were cruel.
It can at least be said that Nii-san does not tolerate such behavior towards me. So he believes it is only within his right to push me around. If only because he believes himself to be the Matou heir.
The rest ignore me.
That's how it was for as long as I have been Matou Sakura. But today, there would be a change.
Nii-san and I changed schools.
I had a bad feeling about it... I didn't trust change.
More people that will ignore me. More people that will have to be ignored.
She would be there...
The morning passed quietly, however. In the end, I recognized no one in the new class.
They all look past me, pretending I'm not there.
I am used to that, though; disappointment was my favorite coat.
I stayed in the corner, away from the playing and bustle of kids playing, near the blooming Sakura's.
'...' I can do nothing else but stare at them blankly. There is no deeper meaning to it.
I thought that I could avoid anyone here, that I would be free to be alone.
I was wrong.
I didn't notice him until he was casting his shadow over me.
Looking up, I see that he seems different, something entirely new.
Close to Nii-san's height; With hair that resembles shiny copper in the sun. His eyes... had a deep gold to them, and a hint of red reflected by the shine of dew in the air.
When I looked up into them, he seemed almost to wake up. He shook himself and understood his surroundings.
"Oh, uh—Nice to meet you... Ahh, How did I end up here..."
He held his hand to forehead and grimaced.
"..." The boy looked around, sniffed a little, then set his gaze back towards me.
He was unusual.
"...You'll get burned if you sit out here like this."
He was new; I had never seen him before.
"..." I thought that since I ignored him, he was leaving me alone. I was wrong.
A few moments later, he was running back with a water bottle in his hand.
"Here, you must be thirsty!" He outstretched his hands in offering.
"..." My lips were dry. I hadn't even noticed.
For some reason, my arms instinctively took it. Giving him the further impression that I was fine with him here.
He seemed more gracious that I took his gift than I was to him.
I felt nothing seeing it.s
'Why did I do that?' It made no sense; what did he want from me?
I kept the bottle in my hand, but... I did not drink of it...
"I'm Emiya... Emiya Shirou. what's your name?" He sat next to me.
He spoke cheerfully.
"..." His mouth is an earnest smile, but his eyes are clouded and hold nothing.
"My name is... Matou... Sakura."
He looked at the swaying of the cherry blossom in front of us and muttered,
"Sakura... that's pretty."
'Huh?' Did he speak of the name or the tree?
It's not that a compliment could pierce her guard.
It was more like suffering a different electrical shock after receiving the same one for every second of every year straight.
In other words, I received something wholly distinctive compared to the norm.
It wasn't a special moment, and he put no emphasis on it.
Yet... it had been a very long time since she had received a compliment.
His voice was so honest it almost made her want to believe him.
But she knew the truth... there was nothing pretty about her.
'Aww...' he was lying then. He was so obvious about it too.
Lies did not phase her so that electric shock was explained away.
it seemed that this atmosphere allowed him to say something careless,
"Can you be my friend?" he said like he was buying something at the store.
"I don't think so..." My voice came out empty.
I am simply stating a fact, Ojii-sama would not will it.
"I see... that seems to be a common thing for girls..."
He didn't seem phased, more like he had learned something.
By then, The teachers started calling everyone back inside.
This abnormal encounter would end, and my regular grey life would continue on.
That's what I thought, but...
"See you tomorrow!"
I told him: I couldn't be his friend...
Yet...
From that day forwards,
He would appear to me every day and speak to me the same way, telling me all sorts of things. He treated me lie a friend, with no regard for how I saw him.
I couldn't understand him; it was like he had no knowledge of how friendship worked.
He wasn't even in my grade; He was the same age as Nii-san and her. he was the sort that could join in with the other kids in their games seamlessly.
Instead, He had singled out the most unfortunate and quiet girl and thought to himself, 'that's the one.'
It wasn't something that made sense to me.
It is probably a prank. So that a boy like him, so friendly, would check out the failure then report back to his friends.
It's not something I would fall for again; kindness exists only to weaken me for the eventual betrayal.
The problem was that the boy was dense.
His prank went on for far too long, to the point that the betrayal would not be worth it compared to all the effort he is putting into talking to me as if he was a kind person.
He persistently met up with me and just talked about all sorts of things he was doing. His school life, the people he calls family, the importance that he improves.
I can't say that I listened to most of it, but... I had started to watch him more and more as he spoke.
It was inevitable that Nii-san, my brother Matou Shinji would meet him. On that rare time that he wanted to find me at recess and discovered I was not alone.
It started as I expected; Nii-san was suspicious and insulting.
But it was as though, for Shirou, it wasn't damaging at all. He took it all unseriously, as If he would believe in the best of Shinji no matter what he said.
Senpai was dense... but that meant he could take things without flinching.
He would surely break at some point if not bending before that.
For some reason, Nii-san sort of liked him for that, and they started to play together.
After all that, they became friends themselves...
I think, at least. Senpai never asked him to be his friend as he did with me. Senpai seemed to have a strange view of the idea of friendship in the first place.
I can say that... I am glad that Nii-san could find a person like that...
As glad as is allowed of me at least.
But the days that Nii-san takes him away, I feel... off.
A tiny sensation that fades with time, but it is there. Something that shouldn't be there anymore.
Even when Shinji tries to tell him to stop bothering with me, he always seems to try to keep me involved or comes to me directly, just to talk.
I rarely respond to him, yet he always wanted to talk to me, as if he trusted me for some reason.
'I kind of li-'
'Foolish.'
Stupid girl, haven't you learned already?
'I know that...'
I am trash, and he shines red like the summer sun. It's not a combination that makes sense together.
He does not trust me; it is simply fraud.
And yet...
... Yet I could see no deception in his eyes, not like Nii-san's...
It seemed as if lying was an impossibility for him, that deceit was not a part of him.
His life seemed so lively. A boy with a single will, never looking back.
He didn't have any friends... and his smile was always wrong.
His eyes never move with his smiles; they are hollow of emotion.
He never laughed.
I never saw him with anyone other than Nii-san or me; it was strange.
It turned out the two were in the same class the whole time too.
There was no group hiding away, waiting for him to tell them what the loser girl was like.
A month passed before I made the full realization.
'He really is coming back every day just to see me...'
Such a pure person... how did I see that?
'I wish he would fail... so he could see how useless it all is.' He would give in to reality.
And for some reason, when I accepted that, I felt like I had to tell Ojii-sama about him.
In order to stop myself from these feelings, I'm starting to have.
(Music Stop)
It's hard to determine if the sound is someone crying or something being dragged.
The sound is all there is here.
There are only decaying things here.
The stone walls are fragile like rotten trees,
and the air is sweet like honey.
The living things on the floor are melted like ripe fruit, and even time is rotten and meaningless here.
This space is worn out after a long period of time.
This darkness is the grave of all that were not mourned for, because of the tenacity of a certain bloodline.
In the center of the decay wiggles the largest decay.
The sound of worms and the smell of rotten meat.
The master of this basement room is rotten but alive, and swarmed by the otherworldly worms.
The worms that crawl up his feet suck on the skin at the ankles and use their suckers to consume the meat and burrow into it.
There aren't merely a hundred or so of these swarming worms.
If a human were swarmed by this black carpet, they would not even last a minute.
A human would have all their meat and bones taken by the worms and would crumble as a boneless skin.
But the thing does not crumble.
No, the more the worms enter his body through the ankles, the more complete his body becomes.
That thing is not being consumed by the worms.
The worms swarming the room are the ones being eaten.
The amount stored will last a hundred years.
If this is something that eats only worms, it means that much more life is already guaranteed.
Footsteps echo through the darkness.
The appearing person walks to the worms in the middle of the decay, and...
"There is a boy I talk to at school. He wishes to my friend." As there is no wind in the room, it is almost like the words are not said at all.
The thing smiles, "Hoho, The Emiya boy is it? The one that Shinji has made such good friends with, haha."
His laughter echoed in the room.
"Yes, Ojii-sama." I await his denial so that I can return to living with emptiness.
"I see how it is... Why don't you accept him then? keep an eye on him for me."
"...Yes..." yet he did not do what I expected... it gave me a bad feeling.
After a little thought, the thing identifies something important,
"I care not what you do with the boy, but do not gain the notice of his father." It would not be fear in the thing's eyes, more like a caution developed over hundreds of years. Telling him to proceed with caution.
'...'
Her feelings would not be suppressed now. She was being left to fester.
A burst of cruel laughter pervaded the room.
(Music Stop)
"Senpai, can I say something?"
"Oh... Yes, Sakura?" He seemed surprised that I initiated a conversation for once.
"Senpai... you asked if I could be your friend... well, I-I accept."
"...Really!?" he took a second before realizing what I said.
"Yes... senpai." She didn't feel good doing this. He did not deserve her worthless presence.
But despite herself...
"Sakura..." He looked to the ground and smiled, content. What was it he was happy about? What made him smirk so?
I didn't have that answer.
Seeing him smile, really truly smile for the first time...
It made me feel... nothing...
By the time she noticed that she was smiling back at him, it was already too late.
June 8nd, 1997, Fuyuki City Park.
Madder Red Town (Music) /D90Dc0WmmiU
My circuits were working fine; the problem now was something else.
'What is it!?'
Every day was the same...
A curse casted, and a stick unaffected. Seemingly not miscasted, as I would have felt it in my circuit.
And each time, I left from feeling unwell, while mom looked at me sadly.
I leave with nothing to show for it.
If the way I curse is similar to how I project, could it be similarly empty?
But I feel like that is wrong.
A curse is full; it is meant to fill something.
If projection was the creation of something new, and Reinforcement is the strengthening of the inherent effect of an object, then curses were like changing something with the effect of a curse.
It was adding something new to an already existing target.
So it can't manifest it into anything but a receptacle, a vessel made to take on curses.
What would that be...?
Would that mean that the stick is simply immune to the idea of being cursed?
As it is unable to be punished, then it cannot take on that effect.
That is wrong, though... you can reinforce anything that is traced.
Then why can't I curse everything that is traced?
It is more likely that it is simply ending up as mana in the air.
'The park...?' It's a place that seems to swallow mana from anything it can get its hands on.
A true curse requires emotional attachment.
The soul is a much the target as the body. As the park has no soul to receive a penalty, it could not attract it.
True Reinforcement requires a fully traced schematic, a perfect layout.
And true projection... well, I'm still not sure what that would be...
This is opposed to the imitation that real Magi can be achieved with the help of magical crests.
A magic crest would take that knowledge and simplify it into a line of information. Like condensing a full book into a single word, that is why the oldest families are more powerful.
But I'm starting from scratch.
'I need to be better!' that continues to be the only good answer.
"Don't push yourself, Shirou. There is still yet time." Whenever I show my frustration, Mom says the same thing.
Dad just seems sad, so I never let him see me like that.
But It was like she knew her words would have the opposite effect. So I always pushed myself, even more when she said that.
I was sick of waiting; Dad was becoming more and more tired.
The trips are becoming shorter and less common. I need to cheer him up somehow...
Neither Dad nor I could be satisfied anymore with just the two of us.
'I should be happy to have Dad, but if that means giving up on Onee-san, then I could never accept that!'
Once you know you are missing people at the dinner table, it is never the same.
So I understand why Dad had originally not told me.
I hated that look he had, the strained happiness.
So best I can do is struggle on.
A curse is an abstract idea; it applies something to an already existing object.
But if I could trace a curse... then I could project and reinforce it.
It didn't sound like it would work, but since Mom and I have recently started to run out of things to talk about, I'm desperate for any way to keep her in the conversation.
She's not one to give up, but still... I don't want to give her even a chance.
"Mom... what if I could trace a curse... could I project it?"
"Shirou, that makes no sense. Think Shirou. You can only project an object. What would be the point of projecting an object made out of a curs-!" She froze stepped mid admonition.
"..." I looked over and saw a still face,
'Did I make a bad mistake again?'
"Sorry, it was a dumb ide-" Now it was my turn to stop mid-sentence as
"Shirou..." She clasped her hand over mine. A soft smile started to appear on her face.
"Huh?" it was almost a happy smile; the derangement was limited to her eyes.
"...you genius boy!" she took my hand and kissed it fervently.
"My lovely son! You've made me very happy this day! Don't you see Shirou? You've found the way!"
I-I did? The way... to free her?
"I can free you!?" I had never felt more excited before, I didn't know what I said, but it has been pretty good.
"A cursed vessel, Shirou... if you could create... me using curse as a composition... then that could actually work. I could reside in that."
"I can't project a person, Mom... that's..."
She held up her hand, her sign that I was wrong.
"Not me, Shirou... my body, or at least a perfect recreation of it. Made from the trace of within your mind. It would be the most complex projection you've ever done. A vessel made out of curse."
"And that would bring you back to life?!"
The answer I received, however, wasn't the one I wanted, " No... it's not enough; there is still a missing piece to this. And Shirou, I am not dead, so don't think of it as me coming back to life." She looked irritated.
"Sorry..." I said something stupid.
Dead people don't show up no matter what, so Mom is just stuck, not quite 'dead.'
She tapped my hand, a little embarrassed about her excitement, and went back to thinking, but she showed her anger.
"Shirou... You've thought of a way to hold me, for me to hold in reality corporeal. But how do I get there."
"You mean... I don't understand..."
"Shirou, listen... there are two parts to every life in this world... There is the body, and then there is the soul."
"I see..." I know a little of the soul, only the basics.
"So if you have figured a body that I can reside in, that you provide in this world. Then what is it that is missing, Shirou?" She made it into an educational question. She wanted to know if I could figure it out.
'Ah!' that must be it. It's obvious.
"If I could make a body for you... then I would just make a soul for you too!"
Mom rubbed her palm in her face, seeming to cringe at my answer.
"No, Shirou... you can't make another soul... Never mind the fact that it is impossible; there is already a soul to be moved, right here."
She took my hand and moved it to her chest.
I never noticed it before, but she had no heartbeat. I would have to give her one myself.
"My soul resides close by, it just the matter of moving it... it is called transmigration, and it is something near the level of true magic."
True magic...
I knew little of it, only that it was something that went beyond normal human comprehension.
How would someone even go about that? Moving their soul, that is...
And that isn't even considered true magic.
"Don't worry about it, Shirou. I've been relying on you far too much. Perhaps I was happy to see you improve yourself... Now it's my turn to show that I'm not some useless apparition. If there is anything I can figure out myself, it's how I can move a soul... If only I had the heaven's feel, that would make this trivial." She mutters at the end about something.
She seemed energetic today. I was happy about that, enough that I could manage my nausea.
"But...I can't say that I understand all this, Shirou... the way you are doing all this is... strange."
"Huh?" Since I've never met other magi, I wouldn't know.
But Mom is a real magus. Compared to me, she is at least 8x my level.
"The curses, Shirou. Be careful with them; you are casting them backward."
I don't know what she means, but it is true that I do not see the results.
'What could she mean by that then? And... why didn't you say anything before?'
It's not a question that I'm worthy of asking, Mom is someone to listen to and obey, not doubt.
I do not doubt her, just as I do not doubt Dad.
"You don't even see it either... I guess it makes sense, you have only your father and me as examples, and we are from normal ourselves..."
"You're normal to me..."
She sighed and changed topics.
"You may not be able to complete this all by yourself... to think that someone as unique as you would show up but still not have the full ability..."
"Sorry, Mom. Am I just not good enough in the end?" I started to feel that red pulsing coming on. I had held out long today.
"No... you're excellent, Shirou. Far too perfect for this world. It doesn't deserve you, is all. Ahhh! We just need this one last piece of the puzzle, and I'm free, Shirou! Can you believe it?" She sounded hysterical, her mannerisms obsessive.
"That sound... really good." My enthusiasm was shot, though.
I felt horrible now that my brief moment of victory was coming down.
"It may be that It can't be just you... another? but who?" She started mumbling to herself.
"..." It was like my skin was melting.
"Sorry Shirou... give me some time with this thought, you know what to do at home, right?"
'Agh!' Focus!
Most of my training was self-discipline.
"I'll try it out... I don't want you to come out all empty..."
"Goodnight, Shirou... Sweet dreams." She said as I made to leave.
"Okay... Thanks, Mom!"
She was distracted, rubbing her own temples as I started my walk home.
The red pulsing, the pain that seems to threaten my death, the feeling that something is shifting inside me.
All of that dissipates as I leave her. I barely notice where I go. I move by memory towards the bus.
Weirdly, I could smell two traces of that ashy smell from conflicting directions while walking through the path. The insects seemed energetic today.
Something told me to stay away, that It would be bad to go that way. Thankfully it was the worth way anyway, so I walked on.
Even in the summer, the trees here couldn't bloom to their full potential.
Sakura came to mind; she was similar to these trees
'Huh?' why does the thought of her appear?
It was a bad thought; I worry about her. I want to help her. I hope she can fully bloom one day.
I reach the bus and meet up with Tohsaka in our usual seat.
Her typical saccharine scent soon replaced those thoughts, and I forgot all about it.
This Illusion ((Piano) Music) /tcnmWGyOOPA
What did she feel seeing them?
Surprised, frightened, confused...
Ojii-sama knew he was a magus...
For a boy who sparkled as he did, the woman he called out as mom seemed to be as ominous as the deepest cavern.
Paler and darker than even herself.
"Gugh." Just a glance at her left her innards writhing.
They sensed something enticing.
Yet... she too was enamored...
How couldn't someone be? Her own life was pathetic and drab.
And here was a juxtaposition of two exceptional souls.
'A family like that...'
An idle thought entered her mind, more damning than any parasite.
'I-I might want that...'
Her heart of stone softened for but a moment.
The girl hated conflict.
She was incredibly strong, sustaining agony that would break any typical creature.
She does not have a mentality that will break down under external pressure.
If it did, it would have broken already.
That thing is the strongest fortress that holds no blade to strike back.
But she had tasted of a forbidden fruit, one she had taken in willingly like a Trojan horse.
And with that taste lingering in her mind, she started to feel... Unsatisfied.
It was small, but it was there: a cut.
A minuscule weakness so buried that she didn't even notice it.
There, the fracture festered with the most dreadful of infections: hope.
It would not be the last time she would follow him there.
Observing this scene, the summer insects softly chuckled in the background.
Author's Notes.
The only people who can see Iri are Shirou and Sakura. So Zouken only regards Shirou as something he can use to control Sakura. He knows not of what he is getting involved in.
Writing Sakura's perspective is weird because she is so depersonalized that she is semi third person. But that is fun too. Shinji was still young enough that he had not become unforgivable yet.
Sakura never sees Tohsaka with Shirou because Tohsaka generally avoids Sakura out of a view of consideration.
But more like her young emotions can't handle seeing her.
And Shirou wouldn't tell anyone about Tohsaka, except for Fuji-nee. To most people, they would seem like acquaintances but they spend a deceptively large amount of time together.
Shirou is technically better at reinforcement already than he was at the start of fate. Since he actually never practiced it before then. However, he is still growing into it.
So he is able to push himself to the edge of what people think reinforcement goes to very easily since it is natural for him. But it still feels like he is missing so much, while others already see him as something of a progeny in that one type of magecraft.
When Shirou sees other types of magecraft, he'll see how difficult it is normally for magi. As he thinks his extreme pace of learning is normal or even not good enough. In contrast, a normal magus would take years to get to where he is in less than a year.
The next chapter will fill in some gaps with Tohsaka and Sakura from Shirou's perspective. More Angra, probably. It Will also probably be the first tohsaka pov.
Kiritsugu will have his time, trust me on that.
It's been about 3 1/2 years since the fire, so this is just about aligned with Katarina's chapter.
Follow, Favorite, Review! Onegaishimasu!