AN: A lot of you want Bella to answer Edward, but she's undecided on what she should do or say given that she told a lie by omission. Poor Edward isn't happy.

I hope you'll keep on reading to find out what's going on in her head.

I couldn't do this without MeteorOnAMoonlessNight, Midnight Cougar and ghostreader24, all of whom are absolute angels, and I love them all dearly.

Thank you for all your reviews, good or bad, though the one telling me to get a beta is a bit uncalled for since every chapter gives thanks to my three lovely ladies. but hey, it increased my review count!

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and without her wonderful characters where would we all be!

Deceit and Destiny Chapter 11

Jess was an absolute star, setting the shower and pushing me under the spray and then helping me to dry my hair. By the time she'd finished, I did feel halfway human and managed to sit through breakfast, although I didn't say much.

Fortunately, Jess carried the weight of the conversation, so I didn't feel the need to join in as much as I would normally have done. Both Angela and Alice glanced at me periodically, but somehow knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be drawn into any type of true conversation.

The sun was bright as we left the hotel restaurant, and I slipped on my sunglasses, hiding behind their darkness. We headed outside the hotel after arranging for an Uber since the pier was a little too far to walk.

With nothing to rush for, we spent a few hours shopping and choosing gifts for friends back home. I managed to find Connor a truck that he could use in the sandpit at the park or the river with Dad. I picked up a few trinkets for Mom and Dad, and of course for Didi and Aro, without whom I would never have been here.

While Angela and Jess were discussing what Angela could purchase for show and tell at school, Alice tucked her hand into my elbow. We strolled along in the warm sunshine, not speaking for a while as I waited for her to speak.

"I know you're very close to Jess, Bella, but I'm here for you, too." There was no accusation of favoritism in her tone. "I know there's more to you and Edward than you've let on, and I just want you to know I would never judge you. I'll always be there for you in the same way as Jess, and if or when you need to talk, I'll be waiting."

I squeezed her hand in gratitude. "Thanks, Alice, I'll remember that." I hadn't known Alice as long as I had Jess and Angela, but at that moment, I felt as if I had three wonderful people to support me, whatever the future might hold.

"Come on, Alice," I said, suddenly feeling calm and a lot more hopeful. "I've finished my shopping. How about we take a detour through the rides area for a bit? It's been ages since I went on a roller coaster because Jake can't be bothered and Connor is a little young for all but the mildest of rides. That should work up an appetite for lunch, then this afternoon we can take a bike ride to work off some of the calories we've consumed these last few days."

Alice agreed it was a good idea, and the three of us headed for the amusement park. The rest of the day passed in laughter and good food as we enjoyed the sunshine. It had been amazing to wake every day to the sun, and we all were making the most of it.

The girls, as if they had full knowledge, made it their business to make sure my mind wasn't able to drift too often. I made a pact with myself to push thoughts of Edward to the back of my mind and deal with reality.

That night, I shared a bed with Jess, something we'd done in the past, and I subsequently slept better, which in turn gave me a brighter outlook. I was excited to be going home in just over twenty-four hours, and I would see my son. Edward would be part of my past.

On Tuesday, our last full day in L.A., we decided on a visit to one of the local vineyards for a wine tasting experience where we bought wine to take home with us. We left there a little tipsy and talked about taking a drive up to see the Hollywood sign. However, when we found out we couldn't drive all the way and we'd have to hike it, Alice refused to wreck an expensive pair of shoes, and we all voted to spend a leisurely afternoon in Lake Hollywood Park instead.

~ oOo ~

Wednesday morning dawned the same as every day had for the whole week we'd been in L.A., and although I had really loved the vacation, I was missing Connor. It was time to return home.

Edward hadn't sent any further texts or called again, and although part of me was glad for the emotional reprieve, somehow I missed the contact. Right now, I had never wished so much to be single, though I never wanted to be without Connor. For the first time, I found myself wishing I'd listened to my mom six years ago, when I was pregnant with Connor, and not rushed into marriage with Jake.

I was awake early, or more truthfully, I hadn't really slept more than an hour at a time. I'd chosen to sleep in my own bed last night to be close to Edward's scent for as long as I could, which had proved to be more upsetting than I'd thought. I finished packing my things back into a suitcase that seemed to have shrunk in the week we'd been here, and tucked the pillowcase from the bed into a small rear pocket.

I stood under the hot water, figuratively washing away the previous weekend in preparation for returning home. I half-dried my hair, knowing I'd want to wash off the travel grime once I reached home, pushed the last of my things into my bag, and checked to make sure nothing was left behind.

Jess found me sitting on the edge of the bed thirty minutes later, holding the note Edward had left. "Hey, Bella, have you finished already?"

"Yes, all done," I answered. "There's nothing left in the lounge either."

"What have you got there?" Jess slipped into the room and sat beside me. "That's Edward's note, isn't it?"

I sighed. "Yes. I don't know what to do with it. Should I keep it? And what about the texts and voicemails? It feels so wrong to delete them, but is it wise to keep them?"

"I know this seems insurmountable, Bella, but give yourself some time. You don't have to decide everything all at once, though—" She stopped for a second. "It's your decision, but maybe you should at least text him? You don't have to give him any explanations if you're not ready." She hastened to add, "But it doesn't seem fair just to let him worry. Even from our short conversation, he seemed nice."

Jess had always been the voice of reason, and what she was saying made sense.

"I have no idea what to say to him, Jess. Maybe I should wait until I get home?"

"Whatever you think, Bella, you know I'll help wherever and whenever I can. Come on, let's get moving and meet the girls for breakfast before we head to the airport."

"Thanks, Jess. I don't know what I'd do without you."

I gave her a wan smile and accepted her hug. While she returned to her room to pick up her remaining things, checking her room to make sure nothing was left behind, I zipped my suitcase and pulled it into the lounge. I hadn't decided what to do about Edward's messages on my phone yet, but I tucked the note into the pocket of my Kindle cover, knowing it would remain safely hidden until I could make a decision.

Angela and Alice were waiting for us in the hotel lobby, and after stowing our luggage at reception, we headed out onto the restaurant terrace for our final vacation breakfast. The warm sunshine and light breeze buoyed my spirits, although there was an undercurrent of sadness that seemed to accompany me at the moment. It was assuaged by the thought that in a few hours, I would be seeing my son.

"Hmm, I really don't want to go back to rainy old Port Angeles." Alice leaned back in her seat, turning her face to the sun. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just stay here."

"Jasper." Jess, Angela, and I chorused.

"That's the one!" She laughed. "I have missed him."

"I'd miss Ben too much. And besides, I like the rain."

"We've time for another coffee, haven't we, Jess?"

At her nod, Alice beckoned the waiter over to refill our cups and we spent another forty minutes soaking up the sun.

All too soon, it was time to leave for the airport, and yet I was looking forward to getting home now that our vacation was over. The hotel porter wheeled out our bags and our driver loaded them into the trunk. Fortunately, Jess had the foresight to book an SUV, as Alice was taking back an extra suitcase filled with the clothes she had managed to find time to purchase. That was a shopping trip I had been so glad to miss, and my feet were grateful, too.

Our flight left just after twelve-thirty, so we had an hour to wait in the departure lounge. It was the perfect time to catch up on a little reading. Angela and I retrieved our Kindles, she took the seat next to me, and we read while Alice and Jess discussed wedding dresses. Alice liked to think of herself as something of a wedding planner, and Jess liked everything 'wedding', so the two of them were discussing arrangements for a local couple who were planning on getting married on Valentine's Day next year.

Unlike my wedding day, the extravaganza that was to be hers would be quite the contrast. It wasn't something I'd ever yearned for, but somehow, I was a little jealous.

As we boarded, I sent a quick text to my mom, telling her my phone would be off for the next few hours and we'd be back home between five-thirty and six. I settled into my window seat and fastened my belt, waiting for take-off, now eager to get home.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our flight to Seattle today. We will be leaving on time with an expected flight time of two hours and fifty minutes. The cabin crew will be distributing snacks and drinks as soon as we're in the air. Please place your luggage in the overhead locker and take your assigned seats before fastening your seat belts."

The captain's message echoed through the cabin encouraging passengers to take their seats and get comfortable. The flight to Seattle was uneventful, and we landed only ten minutes late. Predictably, there was a light rain misting across the tarmac. As soon as the seat belt light was extinguished, we grabbed our carry-on luggage from the overhead compartments and made our way to the front of the plane, through the jetway, and toward baggage claim.

It took forever for the rest of our bags to appear on the carousel, so it was a while before we all congregated on the concourse.

"Staying at a hotel before we left was a fabulous idea and a great way to start our vacation, but with a long-assed drive back to Port Angeles, I'm second-guessing that decision now," Alice grumbled as she pushed the luggage trolley through the concourse toward the long-term parking lot. It didn't take long for us to find where we'd parked our cars. Alice and Angela had driven to Seattle together, while Jess had opted to drive with me as I'd had to drop Connor off at my parents' house.

"I probably won't see you two for lunch tomorrow." Alice rolled her eyes. "Gianna isn't exactly the brightest button in the box, so there's bound to be a mess for me to sort out at the store. Jasper has this weekend off, and I feel the need for some quality time together. I've missed him." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Jess and I laughed. "Go get him, Alice!"

Inside, I was jealous that she got to go home to a loving relationship, having been missed by her partner. Angela must have seen the look on my face and leaned in to hug me, whispering in my ear. "I know something happened in L.A. and when you want to tell me, I'm here to listen. Love you, sweetheart, and I'll see you soon."

I nodded my thanks and hugged her back.

Jess and I helped Alice and Angela to load their luggage in the trunk of the beautiful Porsche Cayenne Alice flashed around in, then waved them off as they set out for home.

My old Volvo had been pre-owned by at least ten owners before me, and had high mileage, meaning Jake spent an inordinate amount of time keeping it on the road. It was, however, serviceable and safe to drive, and suited to grocery shopping and ferrying around Connor and his friends.

"I'll drive, Bella, okay?" Jess said quietly, taking the keys from me.

I nodded absently as my phone chimed from the depths of my purse. Before checking it, we loaded the suitcases into the trunk and I slid into the passenger seat as Jess took the wheel. Once we were on our way, I pulled my phone out of my purse. My next breath caught in my throat; Edward had left another voicemail while I was in the air.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Jess glanced across at me quickly.

"Ah, another voicemail from Edward. What do I do?"

"If it was me," she said slowly. "I'd listen to it, but it's your decision; I don't think you'll be happy until you do.

I knew she was right, but I was only beginning to feel somewhat normal again. Would it put me right back to the start? I had to admit to myself that all I'd actually managed to do was to push it deep down inside me. What more harm could it do to listen to another message?

Even though I knew it was stupid, I wanted to hear his voice. I needed to know he was okay, so before I could change my mind, I pressed the voicemail icon, holding the phone to my ear, and waited for the message to begin.

Hi Bella

I've been waiting for you to call me back, but it's been three days since I last spoke to you so I guess there must be something going on in your life that means you can't contact me.

Bella… erm, I had a wonderful time with you and I don't regret one minute of it.

I miss you and if you can call me, I'd love to hear from you.

If you can't, I understand. I'll be fine.

Be happy, Bella.

Bye

The message ended, and I closed my eyes. He said he was okay, but he sounded so resigned, and I'd done that to him. I looked sightlessly out of the window, not seeing anything but Edward's face. Unbidden, silent tears fell from my eyes. I could feel Jess looking at me, and I knew she was worried, but she said nothing, leaving me to my thoughts.

"Can we stop at the next gas station, please, Jess?" I asked.

"Sure, Bella. Can I do anything?"

"You could get me a bottle of water and some Advil, if they have any. I'm going to the restroom to splash some water on my face and add a little makeup."

Twenty minutes later, we were back on the road, and most of the ravages the tears had wrought were hidden underneath makeup.

"I'll be fine, Jess, thank you." I didn't have to hear her ask the question to know how to answer.

"Okay, but if you ever need to talk, you can come to me. If it gets too much, I'm there for you."

I used the remainder of the journey to push everything as far down inside me as I could; to shut every thought and memory behind a door in my mind. Not healthy? Maybe that was true, but I knew it was necessary if I was to function in a marriage I was no longer sure I wanted.

One day, I thought, I might be able to take out those memories and they wouldn't hurt, but that day would be a long time coming.

~ oOo ~