Chapter 31

- A Revolutionary's Madness -

"Okay, so what are we planning on doing?"

Graham's voice arose through the lunch hall. The boy pivoting in his seat as he tried to hold onto his excitement for as long as possible. I could not help but to only gaze at him, I knew this was the first time in a while we were getting a real meal.

Lora, she already told me how bad the salted meat was and especially with the strange vegetables in this new world. So, right before the whale…I offered everyone a little treat. I sent a couple of my followers out to pick up some food.

Fat chickens, good and clean cows…beer and other refreshments to keep the night lively right before the big day.

I peered my head over the mound of Ian's wavy emerald hair. The Flugelist, demi and normal human drinking and eating side by side.

The Flugelist were enjoying it. Drinking, eating side by side like brothers and sisters in arms. I could not help but smile. This was my true lagunica…the place which I shall build when I take the throne. That was the reason I was summoned into this world, to restore the pride and establish my nation.

"Ow…what the fuck, Lora."

The red haired demi human walked over towards Grahams side as she flicked his ear to calm him down. Her strange dog ears conflicted with her human appearance, also the tail that stood limp by her side.

Tomorrow was her big day; I would have to rely on her more than I would like to. My pride, if I were more skilled with the tether gear, I would want to be the one packing the incendiary fire spears. Though, I was not a fool. Lora, she was the most talented out of all of us and the job would need to be hers.

I felt my lower teeth sink into my mouth. Tomorrow, was the day where rein predicted that the whale would advance, and we must be ready. One shot…we cannot mess this up, I gazed once again around the perimeter.

The soft sounds of music playing the smell of food and drink. The cheers and the laughter that brightened up this clearing in the forest. Tomorrow, I knew that even with my ability to reset. That people were going to die.

Lora and Graham were busy arguing about something…though I could not hear them. The thoughts slamming into me like a wave of the ocean, horrible thoughts of guilt. People were going to die tomorrow, though…we do not have a choice.

My fingernails bit into my palm. The horrible pain not even able to contend with the guilt I was already feeling. The soul crushing guilt which I knew I would have to bear for the rest of my days. The smell of that bonfire…

My eyes widened as a torrent of memories began to flood into me. The way the mansion burned…the horrible smell of cooked flesh and ash building up in my nostrils. The villagers…the ones I failed to save, both times.

I could feel my heart slowly beat into my chest. The waves of pain flooding from me as I tried to regain control. I failed them…the little girl, Petra. I failed to save her village, her family…those children. My memories bit deeper…I failed to save them. Crusch, Hoshin and Priscilla refused to help, and I rejected their desire. Though, in the end I did not have a choice.

There bodies littered my view as I tried to reclaim command. The sweating of my brow increasing as my eyes peered deeper into the table. My hairs shooting up, I did not have an option…there was no other choice!

It was either let the villagers die or let Frederica, Betty, Rem and Ram…even the fucking half devil die. What option did I have? Let my family get slaughtered?

Let the girl I love, die…let my little sister die…I left them before in my old world, I abandoned them. Though, I did the same thing again!

"What…"

Though, I did the same thing again…I did do the same thing again. My eyes trembled as I felt my heart nearly burst from my chest like a squished berry. I did…those people, those valuable pieces of my life…those…

"I left them…"

I began to shake, the words coming from the fractures of my broken mind from the sick realization. The voice…the thoughts within my soul, locked deep inside and I refused to open were there.

"Abandoned them…"

Frederica, her face came into view. Tears leaking from the corners of those perfect green eyes, her face looking through a window like the one I saw her last. The first time we kissed…

"Why did I trade her for this life? My Frederica, she loved me…our love was pure and true."

Beatrice, oh god. She…I abandoned her; I did the same thing as her mother did to her. I left her, I abandoned her and went off on my own. Oh god, oh god…I was wrong. I messed up; I can't take it back.

The voice began to arise…the strange sounds. Laughter, it laughed…it's maniacal nonsensical chuckle as I felt strands of fingers on my shoulder. Prickling into me like strands of red knives as the beads of sweat protruded from my brow.

"No…I had no choice, they couldn't understand. How could they…how could anyone in this world, ever understand the hell…the path that I walk!"

What other choice did I have? I cannot leave…all I can do is move forward, until I reach the end of this journey. The hell I have experienced, how can I…how can I ever…

Elsa, her blade cleanly tracking along my stomach. My stomach lurching as I rested my left hand over the wound, the slice, only to be rendered invisible. Though, I could still feel it. The way the cold Gustopo metals graced my lower bowels.

Rem, I slammed both of my eyes shut as I tried to forget. The way her flail ripped my body, the way my whole ribcage was thrown throughout my body, how my right eye…

Darkness, sparks of it. Like fireworks or poorly crafted lights in a darkroom would flicker. My right eye rendering it useless as for a second that was it, merely darkness and emptiness.

The collector…the blood flowing free from my body. The horrible shards of knives prickled my back as my breathing echoed into heavy breaths as I struggled to maintain any sense of composure.

Then…

A soft blast of cold air…a change in the temperature. Almost unnoticeable but, the way Frederica's corpse felt in my hands. The way how it was so quick, her death…that her lips were not even blue.

The way my tears fell, and graced her cheek as Puck…

Blood flew free from my mouth. The strands of crimson flying from my lip as I tried to use the pain to stop the memories, but the memories were stronger. Even as I tried to hurt myself, they were still there…trying to force there way into my fresh recollection.

Horrible, the cold air…the snow. The monster that stood in front of me, and the monster that fought its way out. The one that casted those curses at the monster's daughter, the same part of him that ripped his own head off.

"What is this!"

My eyes went to my hand, my palm shaking…I could not even curl them up and make a fist anymore. Rage…wraith…fear…sorrow…guilt…madness…the monster inside?

Maybe all of them and more though, I cannot let them go. For the deaths I have caused in my old world, the people I killed in this world and even the deaths sloth caused in Arlim village, they are my murders, I made that choice, and I must bear the weight of that sin.

Dust and ash…stick to my blade as well as blood. Then, I shall…I could feel the madness sting into me. My lips loosening into a disgusting sneer as I felt the waves of anger fuel this flame, this guiding light is dim and has been extinguished long ago.

I have already sacrificed so much…my life and everything I was. On this road, this path there is no redemption, only fools and death walk this trail of corpses. Then I shall, commit this weapon of mine to this diseased flame that I call my soul.

I am no knight; my presence defiles the field of battle. My will is weak. This long life has drained me…tis life of mine, measured in blood and gunpowder. My faith has faded long ago, I am simply carried by hate and will.

So, I shall use this hate and violence…and take what is rightfully mine. Bits of memories circulated…Crusch, Priscilla, Felt, Hoshin and the Half Devil…each and everyone is my enemy for the throne, and I will slaughter them all like the dogs they are if they seek to stop me.

I cannot escape…I cannot runaway…there is no redemption. All I can ever do in this world, is use this darkness that is within, this sick weapon of mine which is my soul. To destroy and slaughter my enemies, and those that oppose my Flugelist and my right to rule.

My hands stopped shaking…the resolution defined. I will kill them…each one. Everything in this world that wishes to stop me and hurt those that I care for, they will not see the light of day.

"Then use it…this power of mine. Our Archbishop of Pride."

The voice…of the man I killed, the monster rather. The man who I crushed with my boot. The sin archbishop of sloth, his voice echoed in my head as the…

I threw myself up. My legs connecting with the dirt floor as the wooden chair flew behind me. The chair creaked underneath the throw, my eyes trailing along the edges of the perimeter as I tried to figure out where it…

"Dismas…"

I gazed down seeing Ian staring up at me. His eyes giving off a look…asking me what is wrong without asking it. They were all staring at me, even Lora and Graham stopped playing around.

My breathing was rough as my heart kept speeding up. My eyes just once more trailing along the outlines of the camp, the only thing was the darkness and the horrid heat that had successfully returned.

Ever since that day…there has been something stirring deep within, I am not sure if Sloth actually died. I am not sure and that scares me, but I do know this…that he is apart of me now…and nothing can change that…

Author Note

Hi! Listen I'm super exhausted so thanks for reading. The next chapter is definitely the flugelist vs the white whale. Have a wonderful day!