I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
New Management
Alex grit his teeth so hard he felt them straining. Malfoy grinned victoriously.
"So, that's a total of fifty so far," Malfoy said. "And that's all just from your conduct in recent years. So, let's see, there'll be a hundred from Pruitt for charming Loony Lovegood, then another fifty from Loony for associating with his kind, and we'll take another twenty from Pruitt for being a half-blood. That should about do it for now. Better start behaving yourself, Pruitt."
Alex's blood roared in his ears as he held Luna's arms at her sides, Luna's wand trembling in her right hand, and his own wand so hot it felt like it was burning his arm, though he knew from experience it wouldn't actually harm him, even if it did hurt. Finally, Malfoy was gone and Alex turned, punching the wall and fracturing it, Luna slamming the bottoms of her fists into the wall and shrieking in outrage. After a few moments of calming themselves, they headed for the Hospital Wing quickly. She met them at the door with a Draught of Peace for each of them. In the two days since the DA was discovered, the same night of which Dumbledore had fought of Umbridge, Fudge, Shacklebolt, and another Auror named Dawlish before leaving Hogwarts, Umbridge had taken over as Headmistress using an Educational Decree, then had used another to form a group called the Inquisitorial Squad, which had the authority to dock House Points, and which Malfoy was the proudest member, and who routinely took points from anyone he didn't like as he saw fit. In those two days, Luna and Alex had been to the Hospital Wing multiple times a day, usually for only Alex to get the potion, but Luna had to get it once a day, thanks to how Alex was treated.
"Professor Snape made you an extra potion, Pruitt," Madam Pomfrey said, holding out another bottle to him, then lowered her voice. "He said to let you know it has one of your favorite charms on it and will last until summer break if it's not drunk. He said you could go to him after class if you need a refill. He'll keep some prepared for you."
Alex blinked, staring at her before staring at the potion bottle. "Uh...thank you. You're sure Professor Snape said all that? Is there another Polyjuice Potion problem?"
Madam Pomfrey smiled knowingly. "It's the last order Dumbledore gave him, apparently."
Alex nodded in understanding, thanking her before he and Luna left, heading toward the lake, only to find Fred and George waiting for them.
"We're leaving," Fred said.
"We're going to have a fitting send-off," George said. "Be in the Great Hall for lunch."
"That way the toad can't accuse you of having had anything to do with it," Fred said.
Alex and Luna both nodded and turned into the Great Hall with the rest of the student body as Fred and George left to prepare for their plan.
"What do you think it's going to be?" Luna asked.
"Something awesome," Alex said, the two of them sitting beside Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. "Where's Harry?"
"Filch took him to see Umbridge," Ginny said.
Alex nodded. "She took me yesterday. She's going to offer him a drink with Veritaserum."
All three stared at him but he shook his head.
"I warned him not to drink anything," Alex said.
They all sighed in relief and nodded. Then, there was a deafening blast like an explosion. Then another. Then another. Crackles joined the chorus, then sizzling, then hissing. And then, fireworks exploded into the Great Hall. Massive dragons, rockets, sparklers that drew swear words in the air of their own accord, huge Catherine wheels, and firecrackers that exploded, bounced somewhere new, then exploded some more. And none of them were burning out. They were just getting more energetic.
"Brilliant," Alex grinned, recognizing the Weasley Twins' prized fireworks. "Absolutely brilliant."
"They're great!" Ron grinned.
"You have no idea," Alex grinned. "If you stun them, they explode. If you vanish them, they multiply by ten. If you try to use Finite Incantatem, they start to sing. They've probably changed the song, though, in Umbridge's honor." He hummed thoughtfully, then flicked a hand up at a dragon.
"I WILL...HAVE...ORDER! ! !" Umbridge's voice suddenly shrieked from the dragon, then began to repeat every time the dragon bounced off of a surface.
"Brilliant!" Ron shouted over the laughter and the dragon's shriek.
And the show continued. All through the afternoon, the fireworks persisted. And even better, with Snape as the exception, all of the teachers made Umbridge try to deal with any that got into their classroom personally, Flitwick actually going so far as to say that he didn't know if he had the authority to deal with the sparklers in his room before closing his door in her face. And any time Alex found a set of fireworks not speaking, he lent a hand to the chaos. And what they said changed depending on the type. The sparklers began to sing songs revolving around sparkling lights, the Catherine wheels began to shriek "WEEEE! ! !" obnoxiously, the Firecrackers began to shout "BOOM! ! !" in high voices like one affected by helium, the voices carrying even over the sound of them exploding, then dissolve into hysterical giggles, and the rockets began to sing a song written and performed exclusively by the Weasley Twins that was entirely about how useless, fat, and ugly Umbridge was. Fortunately, they'd used magic to make the voices high and unrecognizable, like they did with the firecrackers.
That night, the twins were hailed as heroes. The celebration lasted hours, as well, and Alex was among the first to congratulate them, as well as passing along Luna's sentiments. It didn't matter to him that they had used up their entire stock. They could make more, and since they'd taught him the charms they'd used, he could help. After a while, Alex retired to the window to smoke, then from there up to bed.
Alex sighed, resting his forehead against the window. The holidays were over, and he was supposed to be heading down to breakfast. Except, his next cycle had started that morning, and he'd been so irritable that he'd snapped at Ron at two in the morning for snoring too loudly. He couldn't deal with being around anyone right now, and probably not for the whole day. He couldn't. And yet, he'd turned down Fred and George's offer for a week's supply of Skiving Snackbox treats. He sighed, finally pushing off the window and getting dressed. He checked his watch before heading down from the dorm. He had missed breakfast, but he was able to make his first lesson. Then, once he was done that one, he got to skip out on Potions in favor of his Career Advice meeting with Professor McGonagall. Except, Umbridge was present.
"Sit down, Pruitt," McGonagall said, Alex complying, completely ignoring Umbridge. "This meeting is to discuss whatever career choices you'd like to take after you leave Hogwarts."
"I was considering either an Auror or a Magizoologist," Alex said.
McGonagall nodded. "Magizoology doesn't have any actual requirements, though I'd recommend learning as much as you can about potions, herbology, Transfiguration, Charms, and, obviously, Care of Magical Creatures. Being an Auror is another matter. You'd need top grades for that." She extracted a small, dark leaflet from under the mass on her desk and opened it. "They ask for a minimum of five NEWTs, and nothing under 'Exceeds Expectations' grade, I see. Then you would be required to undergo a stringent series of character and aptitude tests at the Auror office. It's a difficult career path, Pruitt. They only take the best. In fact, I don't think anybody has been taken on in the last three years."
Umbridge let out a fake cough behind Alex, only for both to ignore her.
"Naturally, you'll need Defense Against the Dark Arts," McGonagall continued. "I'd also advise-"
Umbridge coughed louder, this time with McGonagall closing her eyes for a moment before continuing.
"Iwould also advise Transfiguration, because Aurors frequently need to Transfigure or Untransfigure in their work. And I ought to tell you now, Pruitt, that I do not accept students into my NEWT classes unless they have achieved 'Exceeds Expectations' or higher at Ordinary Wizarding Level. That shouldn't be a problem for you, given your usual proficience. Then you ought to do Charms, always useful, and Potions. Poisons and antidotes are essential study for Aurors. Again, none of those should pose a problem for you, although, I must tell you that Professor Snape absolutely refuses to take students who get anything other than 'Outstanding' in their OWLs, so-"
Umbridge coughed again and Alex snapped just as McGonagall opened her mouth.
"Do you mind!?" Alex snapped. "I'm trying to find out what I have to learn in order to continue school! Could you possibly be any quieter!? Maybe do something like, oh, I don't know, covering your mouth when you cough, at least!?"
"Detention, Pruitt," McGonagall sighed. "You'll serve it with me after classes today."
"With me, actually," Umbridge said, face twisting in sick glee. "Thst aside, I was wondering if I could make a small interruption."
"I dare say you've already made quite a few," McGonagall said.
"I was just wondering whether you think it's truly worth your time to tell someone as...well, someone who's comes from undesirable lineage what's required of an Auror, even though I'm quite certain you'll find that he's unqualified."
"Why, because I'm a half-breed?" Alex asked curtly.
"Exactly right, Mr. Pruitt," Umbridge said. "The Aurors working for the Ministry need to at least possess an average human's intelligence, unlike you."
Fury roared through Alex, only for McGonagall to grab him by the shoulder, hard, stopping him from saying anything or from grabbing the wand that was so hot pain was searing through him from where it touched his skin.
"You'll need to head back to class now, Pruitt," McGonagall said firmly. "Off you go."
Alex stormed out of the room instantly, hearing McGonagall shrieking at Umbridge even before the door closed. He smiled at the thought that she was literally risking her place at Hogwarts, and maybe time in Azkaban, for him. Then, Umbridge's words returned to him and he snarled angrily, heading first to the Hospital Wing for a Draught of Peace, then to the dungeon in time to write down the steps and ingredients for the potion they were working on, the Invigoration Draught, then get to work. Snape eyed him carefully as he worked in silence, and when the bell rang, he set a note for Alex's next class, stating that Alex was late due to needing to finish his potion. Alex nodded mutely once, in the middle of counting time cooking, and Snape continued on.
Finally, Alex finished and brought it up for inspection, receiving top marks, as was usual thanks to Umbridge, then vanished his potion, collected his things and his note, and headed for his next class. As he was leaving that class, however, he stopped as screams began to ring out from a short distance away. He headed toward it, along with a flood of other students, only for the entire crowd to be redirected toward the Entrance Hall.
There, in the center of the crowd, were Fred and George with Umbridge standing before them.
"So!" Umbridge said triumphantly. "So, you think it amusing to turn a school corridor into a swamp, do you?"
"Pretty amusing, yeah," Fred nodded, looking up at her without the slightest sign of fear.
Filch elbowed his way to Umbridge, almost crying with happiness.
"I've got the form, Headmistress," he said hoarsely, waving a piece of parchment. "I've got the form and I've got the whips waiting. Oh, let me do it now."
"Very good, Argus," Umbridge said, just as Alex flicked a hand and his Severing Charm opened a flap in the back of Flich's pants. '"ou two," she went on, gazing down at Fred and George, "are about to learn what happens to wrongdoers in my school."
"You know what?" Fred asked, grinning widely as he noticed Alex's comtribution. "I don't think we are." He turned to his twin. "George, I think we've outgrown full-time education."
"Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself," George said lightly, also grinning at Filch's predicament, which no one had noticed yet.
"Time to test our talents in the real world, d'you reckon?" Fred asked.
"Definitely," George nodded.
Before Umbridge could do anything, they raised their wands and shouted, "Accio Brooms!"
Alex heard a loud crash somewhere in the distance. He looked behind himself just as Fred and George's broomsticks, one still trailing the heavy chain and iron peg with which Umbridge had fastened them to the wall, were hurtling along the corridor towards their owners, several students having to duck under them. They turned left, streaked down the stairs and stopped sharply in front of the twins, the chain clattering loudly on the flagged stone floor.
"We won't be seeing you," Fred told Professor Umbridge, swinging his leg over his broomstick.
"Yeah, don't bother to keep in touch," George said, mounting his own.
"If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three, Diagon Alley--Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes," Fred shouted in a loud voice. "Our new premises!"
"Special discounts to Hogwart's students who swear they're going to use our products to get rid of this old bat," George added, pointing at Professor Umbridge.
"STOP THEM!" Umbridge shrieked, but it was too late.
As the Inquisitorial Squad closed in, Fred and George kicked off from the floor, shooting fifteen feet into the air, the iron peg swinging dangerously below. Fred looked across the hall at the poltergeist bobbing on his level above the crowd.
"Give her hell from us, Peeves!" Fred called.
Peeves, who Alex had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute.
"Oh, and Flich," George called. "Nice knickers!"
Then, he and Fred sped off to a roar of laughter as the entire school finally noticed Alex's handiwork. And the next few days were even better. Firstly, with Fred and George gone, that left the position of Troublemaker-in-Chief to Alex, undisputed thanks to having helped Fred and George develop all of their best recent items, as well as the one and only prank he pulled to cement his title. While others were dropping dung bombs and stinkpellets, and one particularly clever individual managed to smuggle a Niffler into Umbridge's office, Alex, instead, tasked several Grydfindor members of the DA, now officially called MUG for safe conversations, and also recruited Peeves to spread his own smaller stock of the Weasley twins Wildfire Wiz-bang fireworks at specific locations around the school at night, then light them and leave. Then, as those were going off, the members of MUG were taught a spell to lock a door and make it immune to all unlocking charms, but accept a password, which varied from door to door and all had something to do with Umbridge being a Toad, ugly, useless, or barking mad. As soon as that began, he was then hailed as king, and up-and-coming troublemakers began to run their ideas by him, Alex fine-tuning their plans for them for a modest fee of a few silvers.
Filch was at his wits end trying to figure out who to whip, though he carried them with him. And the Inquisitorial Squad tried to help, only for a series of jinxes Alex had very carefully spread around for them to make a beautiful run. Warrington of the Slytherin Quidditch team reported to the hospital wing with a horrible skin complaint that made him look as though he had been coated in cornflakes. Pansy Parkinson, to Hermione's delight, missed all her lessons the day after Alex cemented his place as king troublemaker, two days after Fred and George left, as she had sprouted antlers. Crabbe and Goyle both ended up in the Hospital Wing with small tentacles growing from their faces from a combination of the Pimple Jinx and the Jelly-Legs Curse, as Alex and the others had found out the year prior. And Malfoy inexplicably found himself in a corridor with his clothes severed and burned by a Wandless Charm by Alex, who had made sure he wouldn't be seen anywhere near Malfoy when he cast it and was, therefor, blameless, mere seconds before half the school rounded the corner.
And along with all of this, there were the Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. Entire classes suddenly began to have outbreaks of boils, bloody noses, fevers, puking, and the rest if the Skiving Snackbox options during Umbridge's classes. And after she'd put three successive classes, in their entirety, into detention to find out what caused it, one of which Alex was quite proud to be in, only to be told they'd contracted Umbridge-itis, she was forced to allow them to leave her classes in droves.
And then, there was Peeves whenever he wasn't lending Alex a hand. Peeves seemed to have taken Fred's parting words deeply to heart. Cackling madly, he soared through the school, upending tables, bursting out of blackboards, toppling statues and vases. Twice he shut Mrs. Norris inside a suit of armour, from which she was rescued, yowling loudly, by the furious caretaker. Peeves smashed lanterns and snuffed out candles, juggled burning torches over the heads of screaming students, caused neatly stacked piles of parchment to topple into fires or out of windows. He flooded the second floor when he pulled off all the taps in the bathrooms, dropped a bag of tarantulas in the middle of the Great Hall during breakfast, and whenever he fancied a break, spent hours at a time floating along after Umbridge and blowing loud raspberries every time she spoke. Alex had never been more proud of Peeves, because, after Alex specifically sought out Peeves to ask his help with the fireworks, he warned Alex about what he'd be doing, though vaguely, before he did it, at least, most of the time.
None of the staff but Filch seemed to be stirring themselves to help her. A week after Fred and George's departure, Alex and Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves, who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier, and could have sworn they heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, 'It unscrews the other way.'
"I love this school," Alex smiled, in true Luna Lovegood fashion, as they sat by the lake during break and watched the castle, where Peeves could be seen swinging buckets of paint Alex had had several students smuggle in from Hogsmeade, after speacial-ordering them himself, then charming them to be immune to Vanishing and the Scouring Charm. The paint was splashing all over the Entrance Hall, and once he was done there, he zoomed into the Great Hall and great splashes of red splattered over the windows, looking like the site of a horror film studio.
"So do I," Luna smiled. "You've been much happier since you took over terrorizing Umbridge. Your last Cycle wasn't even bad, aside from the first morning."
Alex nodded in agreement. "It's therapeutic, being able to fight back."
Luna reached up, kissing him, then pulled away just in time for Peeves to cackle, chasing Filch out of the castle, Filch coated in bright pink paint above the waist. "Good boy, Peeves."
Alex smiled, kissing the side of her head before resting his head on hers again.
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