Things were going pretty well for Beca. Her classes weren't that exciting, but she was keeping up and passing. Since she had no clue what she wanted to do with her life, she had a hard time caring much about what she was learning. Her plans to go into music and move to L.A. seemed like a casualties of The Incident. She didn't see herself becoming a historian, physicist, economist or … classical French poet. (That class just fit in her schedule. It sucked.) All in all, she didn't mind the academics when she had other exciting things going on.

Her shifts at the radio station had become pretty enjoyable. Well, as much as one can enjoy stacking a never ending pile of CDs. Who even uses CDs any more? Most of the station's programming used digital music. She had a suspicion that Luke just assigned this task to torment interns. Beca and Jesse had ironed out the whole "scaring the shit out of people" and "getting your ass beat in retaliation for scaring the shit out of people" issues. He actually turned out to be a decent human being - for a freshman boy. He still would prattle on about tons of stuff that Beca didn't care even one iota about, but they had become … friends? She had at least moved him out of her "douchebag" column into her "person I can stand most of the time" column. He still came across like a lovesick puppy at times, hoping he could wear Beca down by pretending to be the "safe guy friend" for now. She was wary of his true motives at times, especially in wake of the number of times he invited her to his dorm to watch movies.

"I. Do. Not. Like. Movies." Beca would reply every time. "Plus, your dorm is probably disgusting because you are a freshman guy and you live with a freshman guy. I bet it smells like dirty socks and Doritos."

Jesse would look mock horrified. "You keep saying that, but who doesn't like movies?!" Then he would shrug and say,"You're aren't not right about the dorm room. But it is popcorn, not Doritos."

As afraid as she had been about joining the Bellas, the experience had proven to be positive thus far for Beca. There was singing, which Beca was enjoying - even though she kept a short leash on that excitement. She wasn't as much of a fan of the cardio and choreography - she had never been an athletic person. And growing up in the Pacific Northwest, she didn't understand the blind acceptance in the Deep South of sweating all the time. And then to add physical activity to the already humid conditions? What was wrong with people? Still, it was a part of being a Bella, and it had the side benefit of keeping her from gaining the Freshman Fifteen. The girls were fun to be around. She had spent a lot of time around chorus and theater kids in high school, so she had certain expectations for the type of people who would be drawn to a cappella. Those were busted when she realized who comprised the Bellas. There were Jessica and Ashley. She still couldn't remember which was which, but they seemed to be a matching set anyway. They were pretty and nice, kind of your default "college girl" model. Then there was Cynthia Rose. She was something! She was a brash, out and proud black woman who was gifted with incredible pipes. Beca wished that she could see her really cut loose at some point, but the current song selections didn't lend themselves to that. Then there was Stacie. Good Lord, Stacie. She was one of the sexiest things on campus, and she knew it. She was always rubbing all over herself during choreography, driving Aubrey nuts. She also had hit on everybody at least twice. Beca still wasn't sure if they were serious or not; she thought Stacie was okay however people chose to interpret them. Then there was Lilly. Beca was terrified of Lilly. There was at least once during every rehearsal where Beca would swear that Lilly said something that chilled Beca to her core. But no one else ever heard it, largely due to how quietly the girl spoke. I have camera hidden everywhere. Beca actually combed through her room after that one. Next up was Fat Amy. Yup. She called herself that so "twig bitches didn't say it behind her back." Beca was convinced she was insane. Amy hailed from Australia, seemed to be convinced she was the best singer ever, and wove crazier stories than Beca ever had heard. Things involving crocodiles and kangaroos and sexual exploits that made Stacie blush. Well, Beca wasn't sure if Stacie could blush. One day during rehearsals, Beca thought that Fat Amy and Lilly should team up for a tv show, with all of the terrifying things that came out of their mouths. THAT would be something Beca would watch.

The one dark mark in all of this was Aubrey Fricking Posen - co-captain of the Bellas. Although, for how much she listened to anyone, she was de facto dictator. Beca already had several showdowns with the older girl. More like they butted heads every rehearsal session. Aubrey's insistence on only playing songs performed by women, from before any of the Bellas were born, doing lame choreography - well it was holding the Bellas back. There were some seriously great singers in the group! Beca had frequently thought about what kind of musical she could put together using them. Aubrey made persistent insulting comments about Beca's ear decorations, her fashion sense, her personality, her attitude, her contributions to personkind. And Beca retaliated with jabs about the stick up Aubrey's butt, her Stepford wife smile, her resemblance to various tyrannical leaders, and her propensity for vomiting during last year's competition. Good times. The last member was Chloe.

Oh, Chloe.

Beca didn't entirely know what to do about Chloe. The redhead had tunneled her way into Beca's life, past all of the defenses and alarms and locks and gates and prickly pears. And the ease with which it happened at times frightened Beca. In just a few short weeks, Beca had reached the point where she didn't quite remember what things were like B.C. - Before Chloe. And it wasn't just that Chloe had firmly implanted herself in Beca's schedule. It really was like the older girl had popped up inside all of Beca's walls and was standing inside now. They would sit and talk for hours: in Beca's dorm room with Kimmy Jin shooting eye daggers at them, in Chloe's apartment with Aubrey shooting eye daggers at them, in Bella rehearsal with the Bellas shooting eye daggers at them. Beca hadn't been this open for … ever? Even before The Incident, she never really felt like she could be open, be herself. She was always trying to fit some mold for someone. Chloe had no interest in any of that - she wanted to be around Beca. The real Beca. And that was disarming to someone who had spent most of her life playing some role, be it on a stage or in her own house. She had become Beca's best friend. The best friend she had ever had. If things could stay in that box, Beca would be very happy.

However, with increasing frequency, Beca was having quite a bit of trouble accomplishing that task. She would catch herself staring at her friend as they were doing homework for way too long, jerking her head back to her laptop when she realized - but thinking she saw a smirk briefly appear on Chloe's face. During her evening showers, sometimes minutes would go by where Beca's mind would clearly replay Chloe's earlier boundary-crossing arrival. Her stomach would churn when legs or hands brushed against each other. Her heart would leap when her phone indicated another emoji laden text message. And her chest would pound as Chloe wrapped Beca's arm tightly with her own as they walked across campus. These were the things that didn't fit in that best friend box. These were the things that scared Beca - things that didn't seem so scary when they were together, but that gnawed at her stomach later.

"Who is it?"

Realizing that she had just been asked a question, Beca focused her eyes and delivered an eloquent answer: "Hmmm?"

Gwen laughed and gestured with her pen. "Who is it that makes you disappear like that during every session?"

Beca's face intensely flushed. "Um … ah … what you … no one?"

"Is this the no one that you were 'thinking differently about' a few weeks ago?"

Eyes wide, blush darker, Beca stared at Gwen. "Ugh, do you remember everything."

"Notes," Gwen replied with a chuckle, holding up the notepad. "That's what it is for."

The wrestling match inside of Beca intensified. If I can't talk to Gwen about this, who can I possibly talk to? Dad? Yeah right. Jesse? Sick little pervert would love that. Chloe? HA! I laugh in my general direction. But then the other singlet clad wrestler responded. Yessss, but if you tell her, that is as good as admitting you are crushing on Chloe. A girl. Your best friend.

"Is it Jesse?" Gwen offered.

Beca made a face of disgust and shook her head. "Iggh" I hate wrestling and the stupid costumes. Why can't my angel and demon be … normal.

She exhaled loudly and answered. "It's Chloe."

Gwen nodded and studied Beca's face. She had seen this battle before many times in her clients, young people trying to sort out their hormones and feelings and attempting to match them with what is expected. Or normal. It was one of the best and worst things about being a therapist for college students. It was great, because Gwen could maybe help some of them understand that the rules imposed on them for so long are not always correct. It was awful, because Gwen hated seeing the torment some of these kids faced just trying to do the right things by their own heart and everyone else too. Beca's struggle killed Gwen. This girl had been through so much. The older woman just wished that Beca could be happy with the good things occurring instead of running them through six layers of evaluation.

"Tell me about Chloe."

Beca tilted her head with a smirk and looked at Gwen. "I've told you about her."

"I know. TELL me about her," Gwen emphasized. "What makes her so special?"

Beca decided to just let it out. "She is …. incredible. I mean … she's obviously pretty, which of course I have noticed… you would have to be dead to not notice that. Her eyes are this spectacular blue … like a cloudless summer day… Man that was cheesy." Beca grimaced and tried to regroup. "It isn't just that. Not just the looks or how kind she is or funny or smart. She is all of that …. but …" The most serious look Gwen had ever seen on Beca settled on the girl's face. "Shepursued me. She pursued me." She adjusted in her seat and became more animated as she spoke. "No one has ever pursued me before. I'm not talking about wooing me or trying to date me. I mean, that may be part of her plan, I don't know… Everyone … in my whole life … has only pursued me for what I could do for them… or give to them." She paused for a moment and scratched her nose. "My mom only wanted me to get accolades so she felt like she was doing a good job… and to make her life easy. My dad pursued me to assuage his guilt. People at school pursued me so I could perform or direct … or make them feel good. After the shooting, people pursued me out of sick fascination with it all. Or so I could give them hope." Beca chewed on her lip a bit, thinking. "I thought that Chloe was like that at first… pursuing me because they needed girls to sing… And then she asked me to go to dinner that night … and I just … it took me by surprise …. that someone … anyone, but … someone like her would pursue … me." Tears welled up in the navy eyes. "It scares me…"

Gwen's heart split hearing Beca share so freely with so much raw emotion. She swallowed a lump in her own throat. Softly she asked, "What scares you?"

A tear dripped down onto Beca's jeans, and she began to rub at the wet spot, studying her process. "I'm scared because of how much it means to me… how much she means to me… I'm scared of what that makes me." She huffed and reached for Kleenex. "Stupid tears." After wiping her eyes, Beca continued. "Like am … I gay? Am I bi?" She looked up at the ceiling. "Am I just confused? Am I mistaking a really … nice … Friend" the last word painfully left her mouth "forsomething else?" The tears fell in earnest as Beca looked up at Gwen. "I'm most scared to lose her." The sobs came heavy and deep, wracking the small girl's body. "I've lost so much … I can't lose her."

There it was. Gwen closed her eyes, hurting for the girl across the room. I've lost so much… I can't lose her. That would naturally be the fear. Beca had lost her father when he walked out; lost her mother when she checked out. She had lost friends that horrible day in Portland. More importantly, she had lost any illusion of having a normal life. She would never be able to view life the same again. She had seen the curtain of illusion that most people depended on to stay sane ripped away in the worst way possible. She knew that the cliched assurances that "it's going to be okay" and "everythingwill be fine" were promises that no one could really follow through on. Beca was already wounded before The Incident happened; she was torn apart after. She had tried her best to put the pieces back together and keep going. But she understood the reality of life enough to know that her efforts were useless, that she was helpless to stop it if something bad came along to destroy her again.

Gwen stood up and walked over to the couch. She sat next to Beca and put her arm over the girl's shoulder, pulling her tight. She whispered, "Thank you for sharing with me. I know how much it took for you to say all of that." They sat together for a few minutes. Beca slowly regained her composure and wiped her face, commenting on how she needed to replace the box of Kleenex. Finally Gwen took her by the shoulders and turned her so they were facing each other. "Beca, I am not going to tell you that everything will be fine. And not to be scared. You know better." Beca snorted in agreement. "But, let me just say. It is a very very very special thing to be treasured as much as Chloe seems to treasure you. I can't tell you what that all means or if you need to label yourself or your relationship with her. That is something that comes in time. For now, I hope that you can enjoy what you have. Enjoy the fact that you have someone who cares so deeply for you. Don't rush it. You can't get all the answers right now, so just let someone love you. You deserve to be loved. My goodness, you deserve it." Beca nodded, processing what Gwen said. The older woman moved her hands back to her lap. "And think about what I said a while back. Don't be afraid to let someone in. The right someone."

Jesse and Beca were standing side by side, sorting CDs.

"I swear," Beca huffed. "Does Luke just go to the flea market and buy cases of these things?" Jesse snickered and shook his head. "He's trolling us, right? There is no way that Mister Mister had this many albums. This is like Sisyphus and his damn rock."

"Whaaaaat?" Jesse turned his astonished face to Beca. "Did you just drop a Greek mythology reference?"

Beca turned her head and put on a determined look. "Yes. Yes I did." Jesse just blinked at her. "I read Bullfinch's Mythology several times as a kid."

"DORK," Jesse coughed into his hand. Beca shot him a glare. "I will never cease to be amazed by you, Beca Mitchell."

Beca shook her head with a smirk and kept sorting. "Another Kylie Minogue CD." She paused and considered. "No. This is Dannii Minogue. How many Minogues are there?" Jesse shrugged.

A few moments passed, the silence only broken by the clacking of plastic CD cases. "Hey Beca, can I ask you a question?"

"You mean another one?"

"What?"

Beca stopped sorting and looked over at Jesse. "You asked me one when you asked me if you can ask me one. So you need to say you want to ask another one." Jesse looked up at her, confused. She sighed. "You don't have to ask me if you can ask me a question. Just ask me the question."

Jesse nodded. "Ok. Why don't you freak out when Chloe startles you?"

CLATTER Beca dropped the stack of CDs she was holding. "What?"

Jesse winced, worrying he was about to get punched or screamed at. "It's just…" She glanced over at Beca. "Twodifferent times when I startled you, you tried to kill me." Beca scowled at him. "But you barely even notice when Chloe does it."

Beca studied him with a very baffled look on her face. "When has Chloe ever startled me?"

"Oh come on!"

"No, I need to know what you are referencing."

Jesse huffed and rolled his eyes. "Please." He started counting on his fingers. "First, you told me about her jumping into the shower, but you never said that you freaked out."

Beca gaped at him. "I screamed!"

"Yes, screamed. But you didn't punch her!"

"I was trying to cover my bits!"

"Bits?! What the hell are bits?"

"You know," Beca gestured around her torso.

"Don't change the subject!" Beca started to reply. "AAhppp." Jesse made a shushing hand motion. "Screaming and punching … two different things." Jesse waited for a comeback, but Beca just indicated he should continue. "Second,Hood Night. Now, the whole point of Hood Night is to scare the shit out of the newcomers. You never mentioned that, which you would have if you had been upset."

Beca stared flatly at him, remembering Hood Night all too well. "You don't know what you're talking about. Maybe Hood Night is different for the different groups." Wow. Came up with that one fast.

Jesse stood frozen with his fingers still extended. "You make a good point there." Beca smiled in victory. "BUT! After Hood Night, when you assaulted me for the SECOND TIME…" Beca scowled again. "I SAW Chloe jump up next to you right after I left, and you acted like nothing happened."

Beca thought back and kind of remembered Chloe appearing after Jesse doused her with that rat poison they were all drinking. "That doesn't prove anything."

"Beca, you seem to be a kind of nervous person."

Opening her mouth in offense, Beca slapped Jesse's arm. "Hey!"

"Again with the hitting!"

"You said I'm nervous!"

"You ARE nervous. You jump any time the door slams. That time Luke tripped in the hallway and knocked over the fire extinguisher, your eyes bugged out of your head. When Benji came in the other day and put his hand on your shoulder, you almost ripped his arm off. I've started announcing myself when I arrive so you don't physically assault me." Beca's face and neck were getting red. Jesse took a step back and softly finished. "I just thought it was interesting that Chloe seems to be the only person who doesn't have that affect on you."

Beca was pissed. Jesse had poked at the worst possible area of her life. She was nervous and jumpy. That was a side effect of the trauma she experienced. It was getting better, somewhat, but it still was very pronounced. "I need some room." She stalked off.

Jesse's eyes followed her. Then he resumed sorting and mumbled, "At least she didn't punch me that time."

Beca leaned against a wall back in a dark corner of the station, then slid down to sit on the ground. She hugged her legs and set her chin on her knees. At first, she just stewed about Jesse picking at a very sensitive wound. But she soon found herself thinking about what he said. Beca conjured up images of when Chloe had popped up out of nowhere. That was kind of one of Chloe's things, to just suddenly be there. Aside from screaming in the shower at her arrival and the flip out over Hood Night, Beca realized that Jesse was right. Ugh she hated that. But he was right. Memories flooded in of Chloe popping up - there were a lot. Man she really likes announcing her arrival. And there was not a single mental picture where Beca saw herself jump. Even at Hood Night, after that meltdown, Beca actually went and let Chloe put the hood on her. She could not think of a single other person in the world that Beca would have allowed to do that. Gwen's words came echoing back. Don't be afraid to let someone in. The right one. Beca shivered at the thought.