LUNCH, INTERRUPTED
Entering the food court, Piz walked into mayhem. He jumped back as food, tables, chairs and bodies tumbled across the floor at his feet. His bruised face throbbed in recognition when he saw that one of the combatants was Logan Echolls. He felt a moment of empathy for the poor bastard on the floor. Piz knew only too well the damage those fists could inflict.
Before he had a chance to wonder what had Logan back on the warpath, he caught sight of Veronica, watching the fight from the far side of the court.
The look on her face hit him in the guts as hard as one of Logan's fists.
What was it? Shock and horror were there but also...excitement. As he watched, she lifted her eyes from the kid on the floor to Logan and Piz saw pride and desire.
"Wherever you are," Logan's bloodied victim rasped, "you're dead!"
"Yeah, someday!" Logan agreed. Then he spun around and Piz saw that he was grinning. Piz froze as Logan met his eyes and came towards him. "Hey man, just who I was lookin' for!" Logan said, cheerfully. "I am truly sorry. About everything." Piz nodded dumbly and glanced at Veronica again.
He immediately wished he hadn't. She was watching Logan stroll out of the food court and the look on her face was one he finally realized he would never see directed at him.
All the pieces clicked together. He suddenly knew that the asshole on the floor was responsible for the camera in his room. Visions of kids jumping off roofs, guns being pulled on mobsters, rapists being beaten bloody in a holding cell and federal agents getting knocked on their asses filled his head as his heart dropped right through the floor.
I can't compete with him.
He looked at Veronica, willing her to look at him with the adoration and lust he'd seen shining from her eyes when she looked at Logan.
She could barely meet his eyes at all.
Fuck.
Slowly, feeling like a condemned prisoner, he walked over to her. "Hey."
"Hey." She said, looking as guilty as if she had been the one who just beat someone to a pulp in the food court.
"I take it the mystery of the video tape is solved." he said, gesturing lamely at the young man lurching off the floor, cursing at the friends who were offering their help.
"Solved and resolved." She gathered up her tray and bag and turned toward the exit. He followed her as she dumped her tray in the return bin and headed out into a deserted corridor.
"Veronica," he said as soon as they were alone.
"Piz?" she smiled brightly but he wasn't fooled.
"Please tell me he doesn't fuck as well as he fights." He said. Her gaze dropped to the floor and she blushed so brightly that he could almost hear her memory ring with You should seriously consider going pro at that!
"Great." He sighed. "So much for my self esteem. What are we doing here?"
"You mean lunch?" she tried, unsuccessfully, to meet his eye.
"I'm only about 80% idiot, you know."
"Oh come on! I had you pegged at 75%."
"I know that what I just witnessed was...extraordinary."
"Logan Echolls beating the tar out of someone is not extraordinary. He doesn't like Mondays."
"While I'm impressed with your Boomtown Rats reference, I'm serious. I don't know another guy on earth who would do that. I could not have done that."
"That is not a bad thing."
"I feel like shit."
She put up a hand to touch him but he blocked it with his arm. "I feel like shit!" he repeated.
"Because you're not a Neanderthal, ready to go all Mike Tyson on anyone who pisses you off?"
"NO. Veronica, I've...liked you form the day we met. I knew you had a boyfriend and I asked you out anyway. I blew off Parker and God knows how many other perfectly nice, hot girls because I hoped...Wallace warned me but I didn't listen."
FLASHBACK
It's the first week of school last September adn VEroncia has just recovered Piz's stolen guitar. He and Wallace are walking back to their room.
"So," Piz said, striving for nonchalance. "That guy. Veronica's boyfriend? Are...ah...they serious?"
Wallace stopped dead in his tracks and the look of consternation on his face indicated that he knew exactly what Piz was up too.
"Man, don't even think about it!" Wallace said, sternly. "Don't you know who he is? That's Logan Echolls." Piz shrugged and Wallace rolled his eyes. "His Dad was Aaron Echolls?" he prompted.
"That movie star who was acquitted last spring?" Piz was astonished.
"he's worth a couple hundred million." Wallace nodded.
"So...you're telling me Veronica's boyfriend is loaded? She doesn't seem like the type to much stock in that."
"She's not and she doesn't but don't be bird doggin' Veronica, man." Wallace warned.
"All's fair in love and war, right?"
"I don't want to be anywhere near you if you decide to go to war with Logan," Wallace shook his head. "Too many bodies already."
"Didn't Arron Echolls commit suicide right after the trial?"
"That's the official story. He was found dead in his suite at the Neptune Grand the morning after we graduated. The same night a kid jumped off the hotel roof."
"So...what?"
"Logan Echolls lives in the Penthouse Suite of the Neptune Grand."
"Ah...what exactly are you trying to tell me?"
"Logan was a key witness in his Dad's trial; for the prosecution. The girl Aaron was accused of murdering was Logan's first girlfriend. The only reason Logan was never accused of capping his Dad was because he was on the roof of the hotel with Veronica and Cassidy Casablancas. Cassidy tried to hurt Veronica. Now, both Logan and Veronica say Cassidy jumped and I believe them but there are plenty of people in this town who think Logan threw him off the roof."
"They think he threw a kid off the hotel roof? Is he some kind of psycho?"
"A lot of people think so. I don't but I might be in the minority around here. Of course, the day I met him, he was bashing in the headlights on Veronica's car. then Weevil showed up and made him stop..."
"Wait. What's a Weevil?"
"Weevil was the head of the PCHers. That's a local motorcycle gang. Thugs. They robbed the place I worked at and taped me to a flag pole the first week of school. That's how I met Veronica: she cut me down."
"Wait. Logan was bashing in her car and Weevil made him stop?"
"Yeah. Veronica had made friends with Weevil by then."
"But why was Logan bashing in her headlights?"
"Man, I don't even remember." Then Wallace laughed, remembering Logan describe it as foreplay. "they were at each other's throats all the time the first year I knew 'em. Anyway, I thought that would be the end of Veronica's trouble with Logan. Most guys would want to steer clear of Weevil and his boys. Not Logan. That guy's not afraid of anything. It was weird, though. All year long, it was hard to tell if Logan and Weevil hated each other or not. I swear, Logan's the only reason Weevil wasn't expelled. He actually was expelled but they let him come back. I'm pretty sure that was because of Logan. Even now, I don't really know."
"What do you mean, 'even now'?"
"Logan spent most of senior year wearing an ankle monitor as the prime suspect in the murder of Weevil's best friend. Veronica helped clear him."
"What are they, some kind of modern day Bonnie and Clyde?"
"Hells no! They weren't even dating then. I thought they hated each other. This much I do know: Logan beat up a federal agent when he thought Veronica was in trouble and he took on the Irish mob for her, too. And Piz? Cassidy Casablancas was one of Logan's best friends."
"The kid who jumped?"
"Yeah. All that happened before they were even together."
"Jeez. I had no idea."
"You still have no idea. I only told you all that so you'd understand how serious I am; you try to get between them and what Logan will do to yu will be nothing compared to what Veronica will do. You think she's just some cute blond but I'm telling you; Veronica Mars is the most dangerous person I've ever met."
END FLASHBACK
Piz looked at Veronica and felt like he was seeing the real her for the first time. He sighed.
"I never got what you saw in Logan and I was happy when you broke up. If I weren't such a dope...You sat in there and told me you knew the good stuff from the bad and you went right back to him! Shit, he apologized for this." Piz waved his hand in front of his bruised face. "But I would've done it to me if I weren't such a pussy! Jesus, Veronica, do you have any idea how often I've wished I had the balls to do what he did to Mercer and Moe? He's fearless!"
"You sound like you admire him." Veronica could not understand boys.
"Admire him" Piz blinked. "He's my fuckin' HERO! I was on that tape too! Guys like Gory get away with this shit because there aren't enough people who will stand up and shove it back down their throats." He pointed back toward the cafeteria. "That was justice."
"He's going to get himself killed." She wrapped her arms protectively around herself. "Gory's not just some jerk with a camera. He's Russian mob. I told him-"
"So he knew? Of course he knew." Piz sighed. "Veronica...I don't know what he did to make you dump him but I'm pretty damn sure that guy never hurt you deliberately."
"Oh...ah..." what had it been? Oh, yeah "He hooked up over break with the girl I hate most in the world."
"Weren't you broken up over break?"
"He knows how I feel about her. What she's responsible for. And now, it's like, all I can see is them, together, on a continuous loop."
Piz stared at her for a long moment, wondering what kind of a girl expected her ex boyfriend to only hook up with women she approved of. Answer: the kind who isn't really an 'ex' at all.
"What do you suppose he sees on a continuous loop?" Piz asked, dryly. He was actually pleased to see her flinch at that. The truth is, he was kind of pissed at her for all of this. "The only one he doesn't hold responsible for that is you. You, on the other hand, broke his heart and seem hell bent on doing the same to me. That's a lot of pain and suffering for everyone except this girl you hate. I guess that makes him a better man than either of us."
"I'm not-" she started but Piz put up a hand to cut her off.
"Again, only 80% idiot. I saw the way you looked at him. It gave me second degree burns."
She dropped her eyes and studied the floor. He waited but she wouldn't meet his stare. "I can't let you use me to punish him, anymore."
"Are you breaking up with me?" she asked in a small voice.
"It seems like the reasonable thing to do when you realize your girl is in love with someone else." At that, her eyes finally met his.
"Oh, Piz. I'm so sorry."
"Hey, I'm just trying to end this with as much of my dignity intact as I can."
"You are such a good guy."
"I used to think so." he tried to smile.
WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM
"I broke up with Veronica." Piz said, flopping onto his bed.
"You what?" Wallace was sure he hadn't heard that right.
"Yeah. You were right." Piz sighed. "I was totally in over my head there."
"What happened?"
"Logan found the guy who made the video and beat the holy shit out of him in the food court. I had the good luck to see Veronica's face while he did it."
"She dug it?" Wallace didn't sound surprised.
"She soooo dug it." Piz laughed. "What else could I do?"
"You seem okay with it."
"I...I actually think I am. The truth is I'm not so broken up about discovering my girlfriend is still in love with her ex as I'm just...kind of...in awe of Logan."
"Okay, that's messed up."
"Seriously, the guy who made the video? Veronica says he's connected to the Russian mob. She warned Logan not to do anything and the next thing she knows, he's smeared the guy all over the floor. I saw it. It was fucking awesome!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! I've never actually seen anything like that before. I mean, when it was happening to me, I didn't get an objective look at it, you know?"
"So you couldn't really appreciate it?" Wallace asked.
"No! Where I come from, people don't just haul off and belt each other."
"That would be 'civilization'?"
"Amazing how thin the veneer is, isn't it?"
"When Logan's around, anyway." Wallace conceded, thinking of all the things he'd seen during the last few years and he couldn't resist asking "What was it like?"
Piz sat up and excitedly said "You know that video of the tsunami as it his the beach in Sri Lanka? It was just like that!"
"Oh!" Wallace groaned. "Can't believe I missed it!"
"Yeah! I mean, I know it's not a good idea. But the guy totally deserved it. I think he threatened Logan but I wasn't really paying much attention to him. I was kind of blown away by the look on Veronica's face."
"Well, at least you'll never have to wonder 'what if?' right?"
"Are you kidding? I think I'll be eternally grateful to have survived."
"I gotta say, you're taking this a lot better than I thought you would."
"Yeah, well...I'd appreciate it if you pretend not to notice when I cry myself to sleep tonight."
JAVA THE HUT
Veronica walked out of the rain and into the Hut and smiled to see Leo already seated at a secluded table in the back. She had no idea why he'd called her but she hoped he had good news on her father's case.
"It's good to see you, Veronica." Leo grinned. "As always."
"Good to see you too, Leo." She sat. "What's up? Any news on the evidence against Dad?"
"Don't worry about that. They don't even have circumstantial evidence against Keith. It's the lack of circumstantial evidence that has them pissed off. If it weren't for Jake Kane screaming bloody murder, this wouldn't have been an issue. Everyone knows about the bad blood between them and how it all shook out."
Very few people know the depths fo the bad blood between them, Veronica thought. I wish I weren't one of them.
"So what is this all about?" she asked. "It's not a date, is it?"
"Don't worry," he chuckled. "You and I are clearly destined to be no more than friends."
"Hey, do NOT underestimate the value of being my friend!" she said. He laughed at that but quickly got to the point.
"They've got me working on the evidence on the Dean's murder case. I'm transcribing the tapes of the conversations off the phones that Tim Foyle bugged. One of them is your phone, Veronica."
"I know."
"I feel pretty uncomfortable with it. I thought maybe it would be easier if I didn't feel like I was doing it behind your back."
"Really?" she tried to think back to what she may have been saying on the phone during the time that it was bugged. "You want permission to do your job? That's so cute! Don't worry, Leo; I'm an open book."
"Some of it is pretty personal." Leo looked relieved. "Especially that message from Logan. That one shoulda been set to music!"
"And...what message would that be?" She and Logan had rarely talked overtly dirty on the phone and certainly not during that period of time.
"The one he left after some big fight over a night in Aspen?"
"I..." Veronica left a low level of panic rising in her gut. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Jesus. You never heard it. The bug taped everything, Veronica. You deleted that one before you heard it but it's still on the wire."
"Why are you telling me this?" her voice was nearly inaudible.
"'Cause of who sent it." Leo grinned again. "I gotta tell you, Veronica, I've been a member of his fan club ever since I heard what he did to those two scumbags in holding for the campus rapes. My Italian heritage stood up and applauded! Next time I see him, I'm gonna have to shake his hand!" He reached out and placed his hand on top of hers. "You really should hear it. You're the cruelest girl I know but even I don't think you're that heartless."
"Leo, can you get me a copy of those tapes?" she whispered urgently. "is there any way I can hear them?"
"Good to see you, Veronica!" he said loudly, picking up his napkin and dabbing his mouth with it as he stood. "Say 'hi' to your old man for me." then he dropped the nakin on the table and walked out. Only after he'd gone did she look down at the table and see the cd that had been hidden beneath his napkin. She slid it into her purse, paid the tab and left.
THE MARS APARTMENT
Veronica went straight home and loaded the cd into her computer. She fast forwarded through hours of chitchat before she found what she was interested in. Her stomach lurched when she remembered hearing it for the first time. She had been too angry and hurt to listen then.
"Ah, Veronica's voice mail. So, where are you, Veronica? Out digging through someone's trash, maybe? Interrogating your friends? Beating out a confession? You know, if you dig deep enough, youll find everyone's a sinner. Judge not, Veronica, etc. etc...
Stay on message, Logan...kay.
"Honestly? It's encouraging that someone still has such high expectations of me. Veronica, I would give anything if I could take back that night in Aspen. I'm sorry it causes you so much pain. I'm sorry it happened. And I really love YOU, Veronica."
The message ended and she realized she had her hands over her mouth and her eyes were filled with tears. How long ago had he left it? Weeks. She'd never heard it. She'd never called him back. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to think of him, waiting and waiting for some kind of acknowledgement.
Now she understood why he had started dating Parker instead of waiting for her to cool down like she now realized she had expected him to do. He thought she was done with him. Everything she had said and done had lead him to that conclusion.
Why had he even cared when that video of her had circulated on campus email?
And I really love YOU, Veronica.
She grabbed a ceramic pencil holder and threw it as hard as she could, feeling no satisfaction whatsoever as it shattered against the far wall of her room.
NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL
Veronica knocked on the door of his suite, not really sure what she wanted to say, just knowing that she needed to see him. Logan opened the door and stood aside for her to enter, as though he'd been expecting her, which of course, he had.
"Seventeen hours," he said, looking at his bare wrist. "I really wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."
"Expecting me?" she turned and looked at him as he closed the door.
"I knew you'd have notes on my performance but I figured twenty four hours, at least." He walked past her into the living room.
"You actually apologized to him."
"I actually feel remorse. Piz wasn't the rat in the woodpile. I'm really..." he paused thoughtfully "even more ashamed than usual."
"Good." She followed him cautiously, looking for but seeing no sign that he'd been drinking.
"I like to believe that the folks I destroy deserve it. Otherwise, I just come off as an asshole." He dropped confortably to the couch and smiled up at her. "Piz is okay...a little on the dull side. I'm sure you find him refreshing."
"He broke up with me last night." She ignored the dig.
"Are you okay?" For a moment, actual concern flickered in his eyes. Then it was gone.
"I'll live. Which is more than you may do."
"Did you come here to kill me? Why am I not surprised?"
"Gory is connected to the Russian mob, Logan. That was not an empty threat, he will come after you."
"That should be fun. Do you think the Ruskies will kill me any deader than the Fitzpatricks will? Or any PCHers who didn't get the memo about who killed Felix? I'm pretty sure a lot of those guys can't read. Then of course, there's you...You'd think I'd be paranoid, what with all the people who are out to get me, yet strangely, I'm not."
"This is not a joke, Logan!"
"It is to me." He stood up and began pacing. "I'm so far beyond giving a rat's ass about any of this! You know the only thing I care about...not that you give a shit. Why are you here?"
"I'm worried about you."
"Really. This is new."
They glared at each other for a long moment. She shook her head in confusion, trying to remember what she had come for.
"Logan-"
"Piss off, Veronica. I am done jumping through your hoops."
"I was wrong. I'm sorry."
"You were wrong and you're sorry?" He looked around the room in mock curiosity. "Did monkeys just fly out of my ass? Wrong and sorry about what, by the way? Or is this a general one-size-fits-all thing?"
"About...a lot of things but especially my ability to get past Madison."
"Ah, yes. About that. I know you hate her and I don't blame you; she's a bitch. But you know, waht happened at Shelley's party wasn't her fault. She didn't know the drink was spiked. She still has no idea. What happened to you is far more my fault than hers. I brought the stuff to the party." His pacing had put the couch between the two of them.
"Why are you defending her?"
"Why are you blaming her? I'm merely pointing out the truth, which you claim to hold so dear. I'm not suggesting you think any more highly of her, I'm just wondering why, since you found it within yourself to forgive me for my part in what happened to you that night, you can't forgive me for using her to try to get over you, based on her much smaller and in fact inadvertent role in the whole mess." He placed his hands on the back of the couch and leaned toward her. "If I thought she had known what was in that drink and what would happen to you, what do you think I'd have done when I ran into her again?"
Veronica shook her head as the vision of Gory, broken and bleeding on the floor, swam into her mind's eye, followed by Piz's bruised and battered face.
She tried to explain, saying "I've just had a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that you made love to h-"
"I never made love to her!" He threw his hands up in frustration. " I fucked her and if you don't know the difference, I have been wasting my time!"
"Well, how would you feel," she asked, defensively, "If the girl you loved had fucked the man you hated most in the world?"
"Are you really asking me that?" he asked, stunned. "I FORGAVE LILLY!"
Veronica gasped, realizing too late that Logan had already suffered far worse than anything her imagination tortured her with. Her legs turned to water and she sat down hard in the arm chair. I'ts no easy thing to be hit with the fact that you've been a self absorbed, myopic twit.
Logan resumed his pacing, chewing his thumbnail as well. "You know, Dick asked me about Beaver the other day." He blurted. "He wanted to know if I had tried to stop him from jumping. I didn't tell him 'no' and I couldn't tell him why."
"You tried." She whispered.
"I said 'don't'. You think that qualifies as 'above and beyond'? I couldn't tell Dick I didn't give a shit if his brother jumped. I couldn't tell him what Beaver had done to you." By now, Logan's pacing had put him in a corner on the far side of the room.
"I was there." She said. "If you hadn't given a shit, you would've let me shoot him."
"I did that for you. I didn't want to find out what killing him would do to you. So he jumped or he went to prison forever." Logan shrugged. "Either way, he couldn't hurt you again. Either way was fine by me."
"There was nothing you could have d-"
"BEAVER WAS MY FRIEND! He was my friend and I let him jump because of what he did to you! I never even thought about the kids on the bus, it was what he did to you!"
"I WISH YOU HAD THROWN HIM!" She jumped back to her feet in rage and frustration.
"Finally! A little honesty from Mars the Liar! I've felt guilty for a year now because I didn't do enough to stop him from jumping and it turns out you blame me for not throwing his ass myself! I guess I'm not enough my father's son. Good to know."
"Don't you call me a liar!"
"YOU LIE MAGNIFICENTLY!" He came back out of the corner to the couch. "It has been my honor and privilege to see you pull entire personalities and histories out of thin air. I laid next to you, naked in that bed, while you sat there in nothing but my shirt, telling your Dad that you were at home and I was leaving and even I bought it!"
"Would you have preferred I tell him the truth?"
"Nope. but as someone who undertands the necessity of the occasional white lie to spare those we love needless pain, you drew a pretty hard line for me when I didn't want to fill you in on the gruesome details of a hookup that not only happened while we were broken up but also proved to me that there actually is such a thing as bad sex. You know, it really should make you happy to know that Madison is such a lousy lay. You demanded your own brand of intimacy and when I gave it to you, you eviscerated me. That makes you not just a liar but a hypocrite. And a coward."
"A coward?"
"I asked you point blank, twice, if you loved me." His voice wavered and he paused for a moment to collect himself. "You weren't very convincing but I guess I figured if you were lying, you'd be more believable."
"I wasn't lying."
He shook his head. "It was easy to believe you because I...I don't know the difference. I don't know what it's like when someone loves you. Deceit, humiliation and betrayal are the family values I was raised with." He was pacing now, his rage snapping around him like an electric current, keeping the couch between them as a buffer. "I love you because you're tough and smart and snarky. the way you use sarcasm as a scalpel turns me on. I love what a nightmare you can be when you have to. I don't love you in spite of the worst aspects of your personality, you stupid bitch, I love you because of them but you're the worst girlfriend I've ever had and that's really saying something!"
"Well, you're the worst boyfriend I've ever had!"
"Big deal! You were with Duncan the Perfect, Leo the Cop and your sidekick's sidekick. Troy the Drug Dealer is the only one who can give me a run for my money and I can eat his lunch and wipe my mouth on his shirt!"
"You don't have to sound so proud of yourself."
"Proud of myself?" He shook his head in confusion. "When in fucking Hell have I ever been proud of myself?"
"I'm proud of you." She said simply, disarming him so totally that he stopped his pacing, stared at her for a long moment, then stepped over the back of the couch and collapsed onto his back, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head.
"I'm proud of you." She repeated softly, sinking back down onto the edge of the chair seat. "I think you're wonderful and I don't know why I was so mean to you."
"I do." He said heavily. "You cut Wallace and Mac all the slack in the world and if they ever screw up, you shrug it off. You forgive your Dad when he disappoints you and he forgives you when you defy him because that's how it works."
Listening to him, Veronica thought of a girl who insisted her boyfriend was in trouble, who refused to consider the possibility that he had dumped her, because she trusted him, and of a pro-life, Evangalist father, counseling his daughter to forgive the friend who had killed her unborn baby, all because of love. Veronica was ashamed of herself.
"At first," Logan went on, "being with you was like being with Bat Girl. Then, it was like being with Bat Shit Crazy Girl. I knew I was losing you. So I let you go while I still could. But you had to come back. You had to fucking come back, just long enough to push the needle into the 'unbearable pain' zone. It didn't make any sense. Then, after...when you never even called me back, it hit me; you don't love me and you never did."
"No, no, no, no! That is not true!"
"It's okay. You can't help it. I know you tried."
"Logan, I do love you." she insisted but he sat up, looked her in the eye and shook his head.
"I"ve seen the way you are with the people you love and you were never like that with me. I wanted to be the guy you trusted and you tracked my phone. I asked you to have a little faith in me and you demanded proof. I needed your help and you blackmailed me. I tried to protect you and you bit my head off. When I asked you to forgive me, you broomed me and never looked back.
I'm sorry about Piz. Toss that on the huge pile of crap that I'm sorry for. But did you ever consider for one minute what it did to me to see that video? I committed a felony to prevent anyone from seeing Lilly's and a year later, everyone's watching you. Jesus!" He flopped back down. "I'm not even twenty yet!"
"O God." She whispered, "I'm so sorry. You're right. You're right! I know I have t lot to learn about what it takes to love someone. To love you." She drew a deep breath and tried to think of a way to explain herself. "I...I thought Duncan was perfect. I spent years telling myself he was everything I should want in the man I love. And then...there's you."
"I always figured you'd leave me for Duncan if you had the chance," he sighed as she shook her head, vigorously. "that, I could understand. But Radio Waif really hurt."
"I didn't leave you for Piz. I never cheated on you."
"No, you just spent a weekend hiding from me in his room and then that video shows up in everyone's inbox. You're the picture of feminine integrity."
"It was never like that! It had been weeks and you were already with Parker! She's a friend of mine. What was I supposed to do?"
"You know how to whistle, don't you?"
"I thought you wanted Parker! I had to convince myself I could get over you. And Piz was there." She laughed but it sounded more like a sob. "But I couldn't wait for my iternship with the FBI to begin just to get away from him! You're right! I am such a liar. I've spent this whole year lying to myself. I kept telling myself that you're just a spoiled 09er with nothing on his mind but the next party."
"Thanks." he said dryly. He got up off the couch and walked oer the to balcony door. "'To love and win is the best thing'," he quoted, resting his forehead on the glass. "'To love and lose is the next best thing'. Whatever douche bag said that clearly never met you."
"I know you're not self obsessed or shallow." She stood and walked over to him, stopping a few feet away. "I lie so much that I don't kow how to tell you the truth. I love you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I let you think that you had disappointed me. I know you were only trying to protect me. I set impossible standards for you because you turned my entire world view and...and self image upside down; you're everything I'm not supposed to want but you're all I want and I couldn't handle that. I never meant to cut you off."
"Imagine if you had." he murmured.
"I never heard that voicemail you left me until this morning."
At this, he turned his head on the window and looked at her. The look in his eyes was so bleak it made her catch her breath.
"When I heard your voice," she said softly, "I couldn't even remember why I was mad at you. I hope you believe me because I love you so much it scares me to death."
"Damn, you're good."
"I need you to forgive me. Please? Please forgive me, Logan."
"I forgive you for everything you've ever done or ever will do. You will always be my favorite person." She moved toward him but he held up a hand to stop her. "But I don't want you back."
He spoke softly but his words hit her like a sledgehammer. She staggered backward as she felt the wind knocked right out of her.
"How many times am I supposed to let you do this to me?" he asked, his voice shaky. "Turns out, I'm not really strong enough for epic. For years, I've been afraid that I could turn out like my Dad. It kills me to think of you with anyone else. But if I let you come back, I'm afraid I'll turn out like my Mom."
She flinched as if his words were blows, the image of an empty convertible left on the Coronado Bridge filling her mind. There seemed to be a weight on her chest, making it difficult to breathe. She turned and stumbled out of the suite, biting the inside of her mouth, determined not to dissolve until she was alone.
She ran to the elevator. Once inside the car, she turned nad looked back down the hall but this time he hadn't followed her. One sob escaped her but hse fought the tears as the door closed. She had gone all of three floors when the doors opened and in stepped her favorite Neptune Grand employee; Jeff Rattner. He took one look at her face and rolled his eyes.
"Please. You two should have each other's names tattooed on you foreheads so that innocent bystanders don't get the impression that just because you're broken up, either of you is actually available." he snorted.
"Try to remember that I really could get away with murdering you." Veronica hissed so vehemently that he stepped away from her and didn't say another word as they rode to the lobby. She was actually grateful for the distraction, not to mention the sentiment of what he'd said.
Back in the suite, Logan had turned and slid down the window, sitting with his back to the glass, his knees drawn up and his head resting on his folded arms.
THE MARS APARTMENT
Keith got in late that night, tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter and turned for his bedroom. He was halfway across the living room when she spoke.
"Hey, Dad."
"Aagh!" he jumped, clutching his chest. "Veronica! What are you doing, sitting up in the dark like that? You want to give me a heart attack?"
"Not my intention. But lately my intentions have been the sort that pave the road to Hell."
"That doesn't sound good." Keith sat down on the couch. "What's wrong?"
"Everything." She shook her head. "Everything is wrong and it's all my fault." Her face crumpled as she struggled not to cry.
"You're the one responsible for the federal deficit and genocide in Darfur?"
She chuffed a laugh at that. "I'm sorry. I really thought I'd be done crying by now..." He waited patiently while she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "A while back you told me that some mistakes couldn't be undone. I'm afraid I've made one of them."
"Is anyone hurt? Anyone in the hospital?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact; the hospital, jail, out of a job, misery...all because of me."
"Wallace?"
"Is fine. This has nothing to do with fake IDs, Dad. This all happened because I'm the world's worst girlfriend."
"Stosh?"
"No!" she shook her head in confusion. "Oh, wait, yeah. He dumped me today."
"Oh, Honey I'm sorry."
"No, that's not why I'm upset! I, uh...I'd actually forgotten about that." she sighed. He looked confused and she chewed her lower lip. "Dad, did you do a background check on Logan when I was dating him?"
"Yes." he said firmly, as though defying her to object. "Of course I did."
"What did you find?"
"That...he'd been arrested multiple times on charges ranging from petty vandalism to murder."
"Of which he was innocent."
"Yes." Keith nodded his head in concession and continued, "That his IQ and standardized test scores were very high, that up through this sophomore year his grades reflected that. That most of the trouble he got into happened after Lilly died."
"What else?"
"That before his family moved to Neptune, he'd been hospitalized a half dozen times for injuries ranging from a broken nose and repeatedly dislocated shoulders to a broken collar bone."
"What did you infer from that?"
"That he was either an extremely awkward child or a victim of abuse." Her eyes flew to his fac as Keith continued. "And surfing is hardly a sport for the awkward."
They stared at each other for a long moment and Veronica nodded. "I think Aaron beat him regularly." she said.
"I think that's why they left L.A. and came to Neptune." Keith opined. "I think the authorities were getting suspicious."
"No one here was suspicious. Duncan knew but he never said a word." Even Veronica was surprised by how bitter she sounded. "Lilly had to have known. She wasn't that blind! How could they have not said anything, Dad? He was their friend!"
"They were just kids, Veronica."
She nodded, happy for any excuse to exonerate her two friends. "I didn't know, Dad." Her voice was heavy with guilt. "I didn't find out until after Lynne died."
Keith didn't ask her how she found out, he just nodded and waited for her to continue.
"Well," she finally said, drawing a deep breath and dashing the tears from her eyes. "Did your background check tell you that he also has a rapier wit, a finely honed appreciation of the ridiculous, an arid sense of humor, an almost inhuman amount of charm, an innate sense of honor and..." she smiled to herself, " and the heart of a lion?"
"No." he smiled. "I only knew that you liked him."
"You would have known all those things if I had let you. Do you remember the night that Selma Rose disappeared? Logan and I had an argument. He was angry because I wouldn't let him fill you in on the details of my attack. You knew that I'd been dosed by the rapist, what you don't know is that a big chunk of my hair had been shaved off. Logan thought you should know. He also wanted me to back off that case. He was terrified for my safety...and I got mad at him for it. He even hired someone to keep an eye on me and when I found out, I bit his head off. That's the guy you told to stop yelling at your daughter."
"And he told me I should start!" Keith said, remembering. "Veronica, if I had known, believe me, there would've been yelling!"
"I know." She nodded. "Logan cares about a lot more than how high the surf is. That was so unfair adn the only reason you had that impression is because I wouldn't let you talk to each other about anything and it's all..." she steeled herself and looked her father in the eye. "It's all because I was afraid you'd figure out that I was sleeping with him."
"Oh, Honey." He said softly, "I figured that out from the way you looked at each other."
"Oh, Dad!" her face crumpled again. He patted her hand and she tried valiantly to regain her composure. "I don't 'like' Logan Echolls. He's the biggest dumbass I've ever known and I love him with every fiber of my being! But he doesn't believe me anymore."
"Well, he is a dumbass." Keith explained, unhelpfully. She laughed but shook her head.
"It's me. I've been such a girl and I may have ruined the best thing that ever happened to me."
"Veronica." Something in the tone of Keith's voice made her look up at him. "You have spent the last few years working your tail off to set things right when they've gone wrong. Don't give up just because it's for you. And if Logan is the best thing that's happened to you, where do you think you rate in his life?"
"Me? I'm just the latest person he loved who betrayed him. I hurt him, Dad. You have no idea how much. If you did, you'd be as ashamed of me as I am. You know, at least when Aaron hit him, he could see it coming."
"You didn't mean to-"
"But I did!" she interrupted him. "That's what makes this so bad! I meant to hurt him the way I thought he'd hurt me. I never stopped to consider how much he has already been through. I was selfish and stupid and now he doesn't think I ever loved him. I don't know how to fix this. What can I do?"
"You're asking me because of my long track record of successful relationships?"
"I'm asking you because he's just like you. How is it that you can forgive me even after...I helped Duncan hide Meg's baby. You found out in court that I had Chlamydia. I've lied to you, hidden things from you and gone behind your back with things you expressly told me to leave alone. You get mad at me for awhile but eventually you just go back to being my Dad, same as ever. How do you do it?"
"I'm your Dad. I do get mad at you but the truth is I want to get back to just being your Dad as much as you want me to. In the end, that's more important than whatever made me angry in the first place. I'm your Dad."
She nodded, as if he had confirmed a theory.
"There's more." She decided to throw herself on the mercy of her Father's love and come clean. "It's my fault that you lost the election. It's my fault Jake Kane is out for your blood again. My fault Piz has two black eyes and cracked ribs and my fault that Logan has a Russian mobster swearing vengeance on him."
"Jeez, Honey. I'm beginning to wish you'd just take credit for the deficit and genocide."
For the next hour, Veroncia told Keith everything. It was painful and humiliating and she cringed to have to tell her father about her exploits. Twenty four hours ago, she would've been ready to swear that no power in the universe could make her tell him about the sex tape but it all seemed trivial compared to what was at stake and the help she needed from him.
"Dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't ever want you to know. You must be so disappointed in me."
"This is not my proudest moment as a parent. I could've helped, Veronica. I'm only disappointed that you didn't come to me."
"I wouldn't tell you before because I was afraid you'd never look at me the same way if you knew...what I've done. But now I know that you'll forgive me because you love me."
"Now you know? Why now?"
"Because Logan told me that's how it works."
"Logan?"
"Yeah. He said he loves me and he forgives me but he doesn't want me back because he doesn't believe I ever loved him."
"Well, if you're going to convince him otherwise, you've got your work cut out for you but if he loves you, he wants to be convinced."
"All is not lost?"
"Where there's life, there's hope."
"Thanks, Dad. What am I going to do?"
"For now? Get some sleep. Tomorrow's another day."
"Good advice, Scarlett."
"Be grateful I didn't say 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn'."
"Dad! Language!" Veronica smiled, thinking there was a chance she might actually get some sleep that night.
to be continued...