I sat with my eyes closed, feeling the sunlight on my face, and breathed deeply. I needed a break from the many churning memories; words I wish I could take back, shame for my gullibility, and mortification for the truth of my failings and those of my family. Mr Darcy had expressed things poorly, had been downright insulting in fact, but he had also been honest. That counted for something. And if I could soften his expressions, the compliment of his regard was... not sweet so much as… significant perhaps. I wish he could have been kind in his manner toward others. Simple kindness would make his approbation appealing, maybe even desirable. He was ridiculously handsome, clever with business affairs, dependable, a loving brother and loyal friend (though tending toward over officious at times). But does he feel things deeply, other than disdain? He said ardent love, but shows no sign of it. Stop analysing Elizabeth. Focus on the sounds around you; wind playing with the leaves, ducks on the water, and what bird is that? … starling maybe?

A twig snapped to my left, causing me to open my eyes and locate the interloper. I certainly did not expect the shocked countenance of Mr Darcy.

'Excuse me, Miss Bennet,' he said in a slightly hesitant manner. 'It would seem… we both avoided the Grove today.' Another pause. 'I… apologise,' he stammered as he offered a belated bow before turning to escape.

Without forethought, I rose quickly to my feet.

'Mr Darcy. Please…'

He stopped, his back still to me.

'A moment of your time, if you would be willing… to be so kind.' It would seem the stammering awkwardness was contagious. He turned, his eyes meeting mine briefly before cautiously walking back in my direction a pace or two, indicating his compliance. I took two steps forward to meet him partway.

'Sir, I owe you an apology.'

He began shaking his head but I barrelled on, determined to say what I felt needed to be said.

'Yes, I believe I do, Mr Darcy. I know I do. I accused you of abominable things. I blindly believed assertions that I should have questioned, considering the impropriety of its divulgence to a complete stranger, simply because they were dipped in the honey of flattering attentions. I am ashamed that I believed Mr Wickham's lies, and that I supported his claims of ill-usage.'

'Miss Bennet, he is a practiced liar and in your small community there is much trust amongst its members. It would not be in your nature to be suspicious. You were not to know. I have already said as much in my letter, which I thank you for reading. You are absolved of guilt in that regard.'

'No,' I said softly, contrition in my voice. 'I was prejudiced against your character, simply because you wounded my vanity that first evening. And though I cannot condone all your behaviour and choices, you did not deserve the set down I gave you the other night.' I braved his eyes before saying, 'I am so sincerely sorry.'

He looked at me, seeming to consider my words before saying, 'I thank you for your apology, but in hindsight I believe your rebuke was well founded. You were right, I have been arrogant. My intended sentiments, though heartfelt, were poorly expressed, even to the point of insulting. You were perfectly justified in rejecting my offer of marriage. There have been times I have not behaved with gentlemanly consideration, to you or those you care for.'

This was a version of Mr Darcy I never thought I would see; penitent and humble.

'And I know all too well,' he continued, 'the emotions one can feel when someone breaks the heart of a beloved sister.'

My heart caught at the reference to sixteen year old Georgiana Darcy and sadness swept through me again, for them, as well as Jane.

'All things considered,' he said with unanticipated dry humour, 'you were remarkably composed in your rebuke. I count myself lucky you were not a brother, or I suspect you would have called me out.'

The image of me facing him in a duel made the corners of my mouth betray me. I tried to tamp down my smile, but the softness in Mr Darcy's eyes as I looked up, made me lose my incentive.

'Only as a last resort, Mr Darcy,' I said with a conciliatory grin. 'But luckily for you I am a mostly level headed female and would rather negotiate with words first.' I took a step toward him again in the earnestness of my request. 'Would you be willing to do anything about the misjudgement you made of my sister? Jane is truly the kindest, most generous woman that I know walking this earth. She did not deserve to be shunned by the Bingleys, who each sought her out to encourage the acquaintance of their own volition. Though to be honest, I do now question whether Mr Bingley deserves her, if he is so ready to be led by others rather than trust in her character. But Mr Darcy, should they not be given a chance to decide between themselves, if the risks of marrying for mutual regard are worth the trials of extended family? Both existing parties seem to have at least some members with questionable manners, though a count of the Bennet family, with its greater numbers, does not aid my cause perhaps. But a chance at happiness in a world where love matches with mutual respect are so rare... is it not worth some risk? I am not asking that you promote the match, just to step out of their way and not hinder it.'

I saw him take a deep slow breath and remembered suddenly his words of true attachment to me. It dawned on me that he, though brutally voicing all his reservations during his proposal, had weighed the advantages of a love match against unwanted relations and had taken the risk of seeking a union. I felt my face flush with embarrassment.

'I am prepared to confess to Bingley,' he finally replied, 'the truth of my misjudgement. I promise to seek him out at the first opportunity. I am truly sorry for your sister's pain. I meant no disrespect toward her. Though I cannot guarantee an outcome, I hope you will one day be able to forgive me for my interference. At least, to not hate me.'

'I do not hate you Mr Darcy,' replied I with alacrity. 'After reading your letter I do understand that your intentions to protect a dear friend from a perceived threat was at the heart of it. Though I do not agree with your actions, I admit that had the table been turned, I would have voiced my reservations too, had I thought my sister was in danger. I just do not possess the same leverage in my relationships as you do. Jane is incredibly sweet, but she is strong in her convictions.' Trying to lighten the mood I continued with, 'She defended you most valiantly, I would have you know, against my misguided prejudices. Completely unswayable in allowing me to drown your character with my nonsense.'

I saw his countenance fall, and realised I had gone too far when he turned his head away to gaze across the water. Bridging the last remaining distance, I touched his arm to gain his attention. As he looked into my eyes, I dropped my voice low and said, 'You are a good man, Mr Darcy. I know that now. You have the chance to be even greater if you just let people see the real you from time to time. Small kindnesses can go a long way to making favourable impressions.'

He looked down at me, his eyes holding mine with an emotion I could not read. I nodded my head at him in case he was after assurances of the sincerity of my words. Then his lips were suddenly on mine. My shock was overridden by the sensation of their softness as they lingered in a most intimate way. Mr Darcy was kissing me. I thought he was about to pull away, but before my lips could part in preparation for speech, his mouth was on mine again. I put my hands on his chest to push away, but it was like I was in a quagmire; a force pulling me in, as strongly as the one that would have me pull away. His touch and proximity elicited my entire focus. I do not know how long we stood there, his kisses dulling my reasoning, but heightening my senses. When finally he drew back I found myself stammering once again.

'I...did not mean…'

The expression in his eyes robbed me of further words. The warmth of his gaze was replaced with mortification, embarrassment, or perhaps even shame. It broke my heart. How did we get here?

'I'm so sorry Miss Bennet. I mistook…' He retreated a step from me. 'I have had so little sleep over the last two nights and then, with your words of encouragement… to let people see the real me… the long held desire to kiss you was all I could think of. When you nodded… my sleep deprived brain thought…'

He must have seen the shock on my face because he groaned in self-condemning reproach at his own actions and abruptly strode to the water's edge. He took several deep breaths before partially turning back around, not yet capable of facing me directly. With evident great feeling he finally said,

'Miss Bennet, I have dishonoured you in the most abominable way, when you were showing me the barest kindness. Even worse, I cannot even make restitution for my error,' he lamented, one hand running through his hair in palpable frustration, 'as I am probably still the last man on earth that you would wish to marry. I seem cursed to do everything wrong where you are concerned. And to you of all people, I would most wish to do right in the hope of lessening your abhorrence of me.'

He glanced at me briefly before relinquishing all eye contact. Slumping down defeatedly on a log that rested not far from the water's edge, he sat with his back to me and leant forward placing his head in his hands, an uncharacteristic posture for such a confident gentleman. I was still recovering from the shock of it all, but slowly I came to my senses and saw a man in despair. I cautiously moved toward him, just as I might an injured animal.

'Mr Darcy?' I said, as gently as I could.

There was no reply.

I tried again in my lightest tone.

'Sir, I really think we can get past this in a civilised manner. Though the event was… unexpected, no one has seen us and so my reputation will not be tarnished.'

Still no response beyond a slight shake of the head.

'Fine!' I breathed in a voice of quiet exasperation, that I admit sounded embarrassingly like Lydia. Even my next action seemed to emulate her boldness. I leant forward and kissed his bent head like I would sometimes do to little four year old Ethan Gardiner.

'There, we are even Mr Darcy. I have compromised you back. Would you please look at me now, so we can resolve this in an adult manner with rational words?'

His face, when it lifted to mine, was one of incredulity. I could not help but laugh.

'I see I have shocked you, Mr Darcy. I am sorry that it had to come to this, but you were beginning to sound somewhat melodramatic. No one is here. No damage is done. I am not thinking worse of you.' His eyes changed shape slightly. Less recrimination, more of hope. I smiled. 'And if we look at the best parts which we can take from this, erm, episode, you now have evidence that I actually do not hate you, and as a first kiss, it was rather lovely.' I saw him try to restrain a smile. Was there a hint of smug in there – surely not? 'I mean,' I continued suddenly, 'it being a very picturesque setting; the new growth of Spring, ducks foraging, birds twittering overhead. And… um…'

And that is when he threw back his head and actually laughed.

'Only you Miss Bennet, could turn my disastrous behaviour to something of sweetness.'

His sudden levity was a heady feeling for me. I felt a surge of hope and played to the strength of the moment.

'And you, Mr Darcy, have demonstrated that you are,' and here I paused to gasp with mock incredulity as I lay a hand over my heart, 'actually capable of laughter!' His smile was reward enough for my questionable boldness. 'Do you realise that this is the first time I have ever, in our whole acquaintance, seen you laugh? It is quite becoming actually. It makes you rather tolerable and almost a little tempting.'

Mr Darcy laughed again, knowing that I was taunting him with his first insulting words. He reached for my hand and bestowed a kiss upon my glove.

'I thank you for your bravery my lady, and am ready to be rational to resolve our little 'episode'. But it may become rather more complicated,' said he with a mischievous smile. 'You see, though we have both kissed the other, we all know that my intentions are completely honourable. But yours, I pull into question. Are you raising my hopes only to dash their gullible aspirations?'

I cocked my head to the side and studied his beautiful features. His behaviour was so unexpected but I confess, I was enjoying the interchange immensely. I could not keep the expression of delight from my face.

'And now I believe you are actually teasing me Mr Darcy. My word! Laughter and teasing. It is like you are transforming into a rake before my very eyes.'

Mr Darcy rose to his feet, reached for my left hand and enclosed it within his two. Gazing down at me, he smiled winningly and said, 'A rake does not fall in love with his intended victim, and definitely does not surrender to the hope of marrying her one day. But if I can employ means that aid my cause, you would not deny me such advantages if I could find them, would you?'

'Of course not,' I replied, feeling more confident in our flowing repartee and strangely comfortable with his expressions of regard. 'I believe we have learnt enough about one another to count ourselves as friends, and as a friend, I will attest to the success of your latest endeavours. Laughing and teasing certainly are better tactics for winning the heart of a lady than glaring silence.'

'I protest. I have never glared in silence at you.'

'Perhaps it was not your intention, but the lack of animation in your expression works decidedly against you on the courting field. You need to show a woman at least some of your regard, not hide it? I have seen you in the company of close friends and your own intimate family, and as I said, this is the first time I have seen you laugh. Why deprive us all of the pleasure?'

Ooh, I could tell he liked that last line of teasing by the gratified look on his countenance. His eyes also clearly communicated that he was a more than willing opponent in whatever game we were playing.

'Did you notice perchance,' Mr Darcy said with a dangerously addictive smile, 'that in nearly every situation you have witnessed, I have been surrounded by people who are vying for my attention. I know that sounds arrogant, but you saw how relentless Miss Bingley was without any encouragement at all, and even here amongst my relatives, I have to constantly side step my aunt's own designs for me as a son-in-law. Now as a friend, would you not offer me some means of protection if you could, so that I might feel safe to show my true self, as you put it?'

'Your protector? That would be a noble cause indeed, but I am afraid I would have no sway with great ladies of immense wealth that petition for your consideration. And I am not so fond of riding, so coming to rescue you upon a white charger is definitely out of the question.'

'But, dear friend, you have more power than you know. If you would agree to enter into a courtship with me, that would mitigate some predators and allow me greater proximity to convert your heart to my cause fully. Naturally, for guaranteed success, the ultimate protection would come with having a wife. I know you need time, but if you would but give me a chance, I can show you that I can be better, that I can perhaps be worthy of your love one day.'

'You still wish to risk a future with me?'

He smiled beatifically down at me. 'Most definitely Miss Bennet.'