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Chapter 7

Alice and Jasper spent a few more days in Forks, but I only saw them twice, and it was brief. Jasper, God love him, tried to head shrink me, and I was not having it. That was one of the top five fights we'd had in our twenty year friendship. Alice was upset that we were fighting, so she yelled at Jasper to ease up and then stormed out of the house. When she came to say goodbye yesterday, she came alone. She looked like she wanted to say something, but held back. I wasn't used to Alice holding anything back from me, but I wasn't about to push. We all had our secrets.

By the time the week was over, I'd managed to change the lock and not give half the town keys. Bella got a set, and my dad, but they both promised to keep them to themselves.

I did a few other odds and ends, fixed the cabinet door that had been giving me problems, things like that. It gave me something to focus on, even if I only managed one job a day.

Mornings were the hardest.

I'd wake up, afraid to get out of the bed. It was easier to stay there and sleep away the day. Not let anything get too real for too long.

Knowing I needed to finish up Vanessa's room, I went to Thriftway and had them mix up paint for me.

That was how I spent the next week and a half, painting the whole house. Where I'd been sleeping most of the day away the previous week, now I was up all hours. Finished one room, moved to the next, doubled back for the second coat and then moved on again.

My mom came by one afternoon and was shocked by the transformation.

"You've been busy."

"I needed it to look different. Not how it was when she was running around, you know?" I told her.

"Whatever makes this easier for you, Honey."

"Nothing makes it easier, Mom. But using my hands, it helps with the rage."

"Is that what the dumpster's for too?"

"I'm going through some stuff. Clearing out a lot of things I held onto 'in case.'"

"If you need any help, you know I'm here for you."

"I do, Mom. Thanks."

With the house painted, I was moving on to the basement. It was the first area I was targeting. Clothes I couldn't or wouldn't wear again, but for some reason held onto. Things from college I had no intention of revisiting.

I was able to organize everything down there and label it so it was easier to find later. From there I began to think about what I wanted to do. Which was dangerous, to give myself that much space inside my head.

Forks didn't feel like home anymore, it was the place where all of my failures were on full display. The walls felt like they were closing in on me, and for a while, I let them.

One day.

Two days.

A week.

The one month anniversary was the hardest day of my life. I locked myself in my room and refused to do anything but sleep through it, wishing that day would end quickly and another would dawn after it. But that didn't make it any better.

Alcohol helped, if only to numb the pain.

The proof came back from the cemetery and I looked it over, everything was perfect. I signed off on the proof and completed the remaining paperwork and drove it to the cemetery.

From there, I pulled out one of my spare memo pads and began writing out everything that needed to be done. I had made some notes on my phone, so I opened the notes app and kept it beside me as I wrote out everything I needed to. It took the better part of two days to make those lists and get everything squared away and into a manila envelope.

The only interruption from my plan came Friday night. I was finishing up some packing when my phone rang.

"Hello."

"Edward, hey, it's James over at The Tavern. Bella's here and she's pretty upset. I didn't want to call Jake, because I know they're having problems, but she shouldn't be driving home like this."

Shit. "Keep her there, I'll be there in a few."

I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys before heading out the door. It was a quick drive to The Tavern, and when I pulled into a parking space near the entrance I noticed Bella's SUV wasn't parked outside.

When I entered, James motioned with his chin to a booth in the corner. I approached to find Bella crying into her beer. As soon as my ass hit the seat, she started talking.

"He didn't have to call you. I'm sad, not drunk."

"How'd you get here? I didn't see your car."

"I walked from the bakery."

"How about getting home?"

"I've got a couch in my office. I wasn't going to drive drunk. I'm not stupid."

"Never said you were. And in James' defense, he said you were upset, not drunk. Guess he thought you could use a friend."

"What I could use is a ride home. I can walk to the bakery in the morning." I watched Bella chug the rest of her beer and slide out of the booth.

We walked out together and she got into my car no problem. The issue hit when we got to her house a few minutes later. In those few turns, Bella had fallen asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, I carried her inside. I knew this house well, so I brought her up to her room and went to get her some Advil and a bottle of water.

When I had that set up on her nightstand, I debated whether to put her to bed in her jeans or waking her to change. Knowing she would be uncomfortable, I shook her shoulder to see if I could wake her.

Her eyelashes fluttered and then her chocolate brown eyes met mine. I was shocked by the intensity of her stare, but not nearly as shocked as when she kissed me. It was passionate and angry and full of every unspoken emotion between us since we'd lost Vanessa. And everything we'd lost before that.

Bella pulled back with fresh tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

She pushed past me and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Mortified, I let myself out and cracked open a bottle of Jack as soon as I got in my front door.

I'd messed up things between us once, and Bella had no desire to go back there.

I woke up the next day and kept working. Boxing up things, getting them squared away in the basement. My body was busy and my mind was focused. I had a goal to work towards and nothing would stop me from it.

That goal was what kept me from staying in bed all day.

Bella hadn't contacted me in the three days since our kiss, and I was glad for it. It would only make things harder. To my family, I had turned a corner.

Little did they know.

When I was done with everything I had planned around the house I thought back over everything that led me to this point. Every happy memory and mistake. I sat down and wrote a letter to Bella, so she'd understand my decision.

Bella,

I know when you hear about my choice, you'll be sad, and probably very angry with me. I want you to know that as much as I love the memories that were made here, living with only those memories is like being haunted by the ghosts of my past. I don't want you to blame yourself for the choices you made, none of us could have known that life would have led us here. This house is too quiet, which is why I can't bear to stay here anymore. Know that I'll always love you. You and Vanessa were the only things I got right, I just wish we could have survived.

Goodbye,

Edward

When I was done, I drove it over to her house. I got back home and pushed the button to close the garage door behind me and then I sat back and relaxed. It would be over soon.

~HnH~

I blinked my eyes, confused and annoyed by the brightness of the light. When I went to move my arms, to shield my eyes, I couldn't lift them.

"Chief Cullen, calm down. My name is Erin and I'm a nurse at Forks Hospital."

I looked around wildly, unsure of why I was here. I shouldn't be here.

"Edward, your father is on his way. He and Dr. Smith will be in shortly. Just please, calm down."

I gave up on struggling until my father walked in with another doctor. "Son, this is my colleague, Dr. Smith. He's in charge of your care."

"What happened? And why am I restrained?" I asked, irritated.

"It is standard procedure with how you were brought in," Dr. Smith answered. "What do you remember?"

"I was running some errands and I got home and must have fallen asleep in the car."

My father was eyeing me, he didn't buy it. "You've spoken at Forks High to the Driver's Ed students about the dangers of carbon monoxide and about how they should kill the engine before closing the garage door. I also know with the last month and a half, you've been struggling. Bella agreed that an evaluation was prudent."

That statement caught me off guard. "Bella, what does she have to do with this?"

"You never changed your medical proxy after the divorce, Edward. Bella has the right to make medical decisions for you and she agreed to an evaluation. Once the seventy-two hour hold is done, we can move forward with decisions," my dad relayed.

"So I get no say?"

"Not if it means someone else finding you like Bella did."

"Can I talk to her?" I pleaded.

Dr. Smith stepped up. "Not right now. Once the preliminary hold is completed, you can speak to her before any other decisions are made. But now that you're awake, we can transport you."

"Where?"

"We don't have the ability to treat you here, so you're being moved to St. Marcus Hospital."

"This is ridiculous. I'm not crazy," I shouted.

"You're depressed, and possibly a danger to yourself," my father argued. "I just buried my granddaughter, I will not bury my son."

I closed my eyes and tried to control my anger. I knew there would be no fighting this, so I just had to go along and convince them I wasn't going to hurt myself. Then I could get released and finish what I'd started.