The next few chapters are a combo of a ton of research, and personal experiences. I've had some wonderful, and awful healthcare professionals treat me in my life. Edward will experience both.

July 4th was my 12th anniversary as a twific writer. So thank you to everyone who has been with me along the way. Team AGW past, present, and future. Including my trio for this fic. Love you all.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 8

I was driven via ambulance, still strapped to the gurney, to St Marcus Hospital. All of my belongings had been given to my father so I was transported in a pair of scrubs. The only thing I had that was my own was a pair of slippers and socks and underwear.

It was humiliating.

Living in a small town, I hadn't been a part of a lot of these, so I was out of my depth from the outside. On the inside, I was angry at everyone and everything.

I felt the turn into what I was guessing was the main entrance of the hospital and the paramedic beside me confirmed that when he told his partner to assist in unloading me. I was met by a team of doctors, the bag of my meager belongings were passed off to one of them while very little was discussed on the move to the exam room. Once inside, the paramedic, whose name I didn't catch, explained I was a transfer for a temporary hold after a suicide attempt.

Hearing it spelled out in black and white, with my intake doctors discussing having received my chart from Forks Community Hospital, made it real.

It wasn't until they were ready to move me that I was finally addressed.

"Mr. Cullen, we're going to need to transfer you to this bed, which will require the removal of your restraints. Can we do that without you struggling?"

"Yes," I told her.

Instead of looking at me, she turned to the paramedic who had ridden with me. "He was calm the whole ride. Didn't fight against the straps or anything."

Only once she had his confirmation, did she move to take off the straps. Once I was free, they had me slide onto the exam room bed and I was once again strapped down. The paramedics left and I was transported up to the seventh floor. The security on this floor was much higher and when I was brought to my room, it was clear that I would need to be let out.

I had just been released from the gurney when a man in a lab coat walked into the room. "I don't think the restraints will be necessary. Mr. Cullen hasn't shown any aggression since he first woke up in the hospital."

The orderlies took the gurney from the room and the doctor approached my bed, sitting on the stool near the foot of it. He had black hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail and eyes that bore into me.

"Edward, I'm Dr. Volturi and I'll be in charge of your treatment for the next seventy-two hours. We have a lot of things to cover, so how about we begin with a full physical workup? I know some of this will be redundant after your visit to the ER in Forks, but humor me with this. I'm going to have a resident come up and get that underway and then after lunch we'll begin to talk."

I nodded, not knowing if there was a point in actually saying anything. Dr. Volturi left and a young woman walked in.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm going to need a urine sample. Then I'll draw some blood and take your vitals. Would you mind?" She held out a cup and motioned towards the bathroom.

I took care of business and left the cup in the bathroom. When I returned she did exactly what she said, and then retrieved the urine sample and left.

I settled into bed and ordered lunch from the menu sitting on the nightstand. I was eating a little while later using plastic utensils, but as soon as the nurse cleared away my tray, Dr. Volturi was back.

"I hope you've had a nice lunch, Mr. Cullen. Now, I think it is best that we get started."

"Whatever I have to do to get out of here."

"Talk to me about Vanessa."

"What do you want to know? That my daughter died because of negligence, but it happened outside of my jurisdiction so her killer was allowed to go free? My marriage failed, my daughter is gone, and being alone is unimaginably painful. Am I grieving? Yes. Was I trying to kill myself, no. I fell asleep, because I was exhausted."

"You're saying all the right things, Edward. You're not outright denying what you should be feeling, but you're downplaying it. I've seen it before, especially in law enforcement. Now, let's try again."

And he did. For an hour he poked and prodded and provoked me, but I held firm. There was something about Dr. Volturi that I didn't like from the start. After an hour of going around in circles, he walked out and told me he would see me again in the morning for my first group therapy session.

I ordered dinner, and when it arrived, the nurse brought it in with a small paper cup.

"What's that?"

"Dr. Volturi prescribed an antidepressant for you. It is a low dose to start, but he wanted to begin tonight."

"I didn't agree to medication."

"If the doctor believes it will help, he will prescribe it. You can discuss it in the morning."

She handed me the cup and then checked to make sure I'd swallowed it before leaving me with my dinner.

My sleep was uneasy. I was a creature of habit and without any of my things with me, I had a hard time sleeping.

The group session the following morning was aggressive. So was the one on one session in the afternoon. Dr. Volturi believed in provoking a response and it wasn't helpful with me. I needed someone who would let me process things at my own pace, he was trying to get a result in this initial hold.

What I really needed, I wasn't going to get, so I was counting the hour until I was released. My requests to speak to Bella were ignored and that just aggravated me more.

I knew it was too soon to expect the pills they were shoving down my throat to work, but it was frustrating that he was throwing things at a wall to see how they would stick. I was infuriated. It was like, by trying everything he could so quickly, he was hoping that my family would agree to continue in-patient treatment. And that was what I was worried about.

There was three hours left until my hold was over and I was pacing in my room when one of the nurses came in.

"Your family is here."

"Do I get to see them?"

"Yes, we're processing your discharge papers."

"I'm free?" I was a little shocked.

"Your treatment here is ending, that's all I know, Mr. Cullen."

I took the bag she handed me, which held a change of clothes, but no shoes. I guess the slippers were staying for now. I was dressed and ready when two orderlies walked in.

"Mr. Cullen, we're here to escort you down to your car."

The nurse came in with a wheelchair and my papers and once they were signed I was wheeled down to the entrance. I was expecting my father, but wasn't too surprised to see Bella leaning against her SUV.

"I wasn't sure you'd want to see me." Bella shifted from one foot to another.

"I've been asking to speak to you since I woke up in the hospital in Forks," I admitted.

"We've got an hour's drive to our next stop, so why don't you get in and we'll talk on the way."

"What's an hour from here?" I asked.

"Another option. Just give me a chance here," she pleaded.

"Let's go before they decide to try and put me back in that room." I opened the passenger's side door and climbed in.

Bella walked around to the driver's side and got in. She pulled out of the parking garage and onto the main road before she started talking.

"How angry are you at me right now?"

"I wasn't particularly happy when my father walked into my hospital room and told me you were having me committed."

"I didn't have much of a choice, Edward, you'd attempted suicide."

"Everyone keeps saying that, but nobody believes that it was an accident."

"Was it?" She cut her eyes to me before looking back at the road. "Most accidents aren't preceded by a suicide letter."

"Bella-"

"No, you want to know why I did it, and why we're on our way to where we are? I got your letter and when I read it, the fixing up your house and packing made sense. I thought you were going to sell and move out of Forks, or at least out of the house. So I went to talk to you. To beg you not to make any hasty decisions.

"I got to your house and let myself in, determined to find you. When I couldn't at first, I was going to leave, but something told me to check the garage. I did and saw you in the car with the window down and it running. I slammed the buttons for the garage door and opened your car door. Once I had you unbuckled I dragged you out of it and into the driveway before calling 911. I tried to give you CPR, but you wouldn't wake up. I thought I was too late.

"So if you want to hate me for the rest of your life, go for it. Just make sure it is a long one. Because I couldn't stand it if you died too." She was crying by this point and I felt like shit. I'd been so consumed by my own grief, I didn't begin to think about how it would hurt everyone else, especially Bella.

"Bella, I'm sorry. It just got to be too much, and you've always been better at moving on. You did it once with Jake and you'll do it again."

"You don't love me anymore."

"I'll always love you, Bella. But we grew apart, and after that kiss and how quickly you ran from me, I think it is best if we just leave that in the past."

"I didn't run because I didn't feel anything. I ran because I felt so much that it scared me. You've always been my great love. I'd convinced myself it was over after our divorce, but a small part of me always held onto that love. When we lost Vanessa it threatened to take over and consume me. The sorrow and the love were so great that when we kissed and I felt all of that passion again, it was too much. I've never wanted someone as much as I wanted you in that moment. But neither of us were in a place to start something.

"You know, I started looking for a doctor to help me with my grief not long after we lost Vanessa. I've been doing some therapy via Zoom with a doctor in Seattle. She practices out of a hospital there as well as working in a clinic. She's part of a team. I've seen the psychiatrist since Charlie died, Dr. Denali, but she suggested I speak to Dr. Vashili and she's helped these past few weeks."

"I didn't know you've still been seeing a therapist." That revelation shocked me, she seemed so well put together.

"I haven't been as regular with the therapy, but having the zoom option makes it easier, but I've been on medication for about three years now. It helps. I mentioned what happened to Dr. Vashili and she said that if the hospital I'd chosen for your evaluation wasn't working out, she had room for you at Swedish Medical Center."

"Is that where we're going now?"

"According to Dr. Volturi's recommendation, you should stay in an inpatient facility until some progress is made, but I couldn't leave you there. After my initial conversation with him, I knew it wasn't the right fit, and you need to be comfortable. So I would like you to voluntarily go into treatment. Get help from doctors who really seem to care. I'm sorry about not doing more research, but Dr. Smith seemed to think it was a good facility. Maybe just not for you?"

"I realized one thing while I was there, and that was I was already planning my next attempt. I can't do that to you and my family. Dr. Volturi is absolutely not the person to treat me, but you're right, I need to get a handle on this. That's the only way I can get healthy enough for us to maybe try again."

"Get healthy for you, Edward. Not me. Not the possibility of us, because you need to be okay if we aren't together."

"All right. I'll give this Dr. Vashili a try."

"Thank you."

We drove the rest of the way in silence and when we arrived, Bella and I walked in hand in hand. As we approached reception, I saw a woman around my mother's age leaning against the counter. "Hello, Bella, is this Edward?"

"It is, Dr. Vashili. He's agreed to treatment."

She smiled at me, her pale skin offset by her dark hair and eyes, but more importantly, there was a kindness in her expression that set me at ease.

"That is wonderful news. Why don't we begin your intake and get you up to your room."

I turned to Bella, hating that there were still tears in her eyes. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Yes." She pulled me into a hug and I went willingly, needing her warmth. "Let the process work for you, there are a lot of people who want to see you happy again."

"I'll do my best," I whispered.

Bella released me and Dr. Vashili led me towards a small conference room where I was able to fill out the paperwork and take the first step to getting help.