If there was one thing Kakashi had not missed during his jaunt to the past, were the everyday aches and pains that reminded him of his age. He just couldn't seem to stretch his leg out well enough. His shoulders were taut, leading to a headache at the base of his head. For a brief moment, he wished to go back to his younger body. He took a deep breath stretched his legs out again.
Kakashi watched Sasuke sleep in the bed next to his. Sasuke had been exhausted when he got back. Apparently, he needed more than a night's rest. Kakashi also imagined it must have been hard for Sasuke to see Fugaku. He had refused to go see his mother, which was enough to indicate to Kakashi that Sasuke was hurting.
He knew that pain well. Being around Minato-sensei and Kushina-nee. Hell, it had been like he was meeting Kushina-nee for the first time. He grieved for the time he didn't take with her when he had been a child.
He wondered if Sasuke had struggled with the Fugaku before Sasuke's birth. That Fugaku had thrown Kakashi for a loop too, he was more relaxed and willing to joke around. But after the Kyuubi attack, everything had changed for the Uchiha clan. As the head of the clan, he could imagine how that stress twisted the man. Sasuke probably couldn't put two and two together. Kakashi should probably talk to him about it before Sasuke takes off again. He didn't want him blaming himself for the change in Fugaku. Sasuke had merely been a baby, but kids like to take on guilt that isn't theirs.
He wasn't sure Sasuke would be willing to listen to him or would even care what Kakashi had to say on the matter. They had never connected well, so it surprised him when he found out Sasuke worked so hard to find him. Perhaps it had been for Naruto's and Sakura's sake. Those three had been getting closer the past few years. Kakashi had often released Sakura or Naruto to travel with Sasuke for a while. After everything they had done for Konoha, he felt they deserved it. And what was the point of being Hokage if he couldn't spoil his students some?
Kakashi smiled a bit to himself and pulled out his favorite novel. His plan was to watch over his wayward student while he slept, that is until he felt an angry chakra marching her way down the hall. Sasuke would have to deal with an angry Tsunade on his own. Kakashi quickly shushined out of his room as the door opened. He chose not to go far, sticking around to enjoy Tsunade's explicit cursing. She had such colorful language. He then quickly took off. He already knew where everyone would look for him first: the Hokage Mountain. It had been his spot for the last three years. The next place they would look is at the memorial stone, but if he was quick, he might be able to sneak in a quick stop.
The path to the memorial stone was well-worn and wide. Even with all of the destruction around Konoha, the memorial stone still stood. Behind it was a larger stone, filled with the names of those that perished during the 4th war, with plenty of space to add more. How many more would Kakashi carve into this stone? The stone whispered to him in familiar voices at one point in his life, but now it was the empty space that haunted him.
Kakashi's eyes dropped back down at the more familiar stone. "Hello Minato-sensei, Kushina-nee, Rin-chan, and even you Obito," there was a pause. Then he added, "and you too, Fugaku-san. I realize that you all are different than those I just left behind in the past, but I don't have a way to speak to them. So please humor me. Thank you for taking care of me. I'll do my best to make you proud. And I'll search for those scrolls about chakra ink, Kushina-nee, then gift them to Naruto. I know he'll appreciate them, even if he may not have the talent for it. If you can, please help me locate them.
"You all were so different than I remembered you being, and a lot changed while I was there. I feel a bit guilty for leaving your Kakashi's body in such bad shape. I wonder if he'll even be able to be a shinobi. Now that's a thought. I don't know who I would be if I wasn't a shinobi."
"Figures I would be the one to find you," Shikamaru's voice dragged Kakashi out of his thoughts. He turned to face the irritated-looking Tokubetsu Jounin.
"Mah, that was quick. I expected you to go to the Hokage mountain first," Kakashi admitted.
Shikamaru flipped open his vest pocket to pull out a cigarette. "I know, that's why I came here. Figured you'd avoid the first place we'd look."
Kakashi couldn't help the warm feeling of pride in his chest. Shikamaru would grow well into his new position. "You know your target well."
Shikamaru lit it and inhaled deeply. "I'm just tired of listening to Tsunade-sama bitch. She's been doing so for hours now."
Kakashi grinned, "Only hours? She must be losing her touch."
"Tsk, alright weeks, since she was called to return, troublesome woman. She's going to really lay into you, and I'll have to be there for it since I found you," Shikamaru gripped.
"So responsible, Shikamaru-kun. We could run away together," Kakashi suggested.
Shikamaru snorted and breathed out the smoke. "I don't think I'd enjoy being on the run with you. Enjoy your trip to the past?"
"Maaa, it was a trip," Kakashi shrugged, not wanting to discuss it with him.
Shikamaru scoffed, "troublesome. I'm still waiting for my results. Did I pass?"
"Mah, I don't recall. I think I may have dropped the result somewhere. Perhaps we should go search for them?" Kakashi suggested.
"Not a chance. Tsunade is peeved as it is. I'm not getting skinned alive for you."
"I'm wounded. Where is your loyalty to the Hokage?"
"Probably with your missing results. Let me know when you find it," Shikamaru said.
"I have one more stop to make before returning. If I tell you your results, will you cover for me?" Kakashi smiled.
Shikamaru seemed to contemplate it. Kakashi knew he had been waiting a while to hear. He was more patient than his peers, but it had been a couple of months, so his patience was likely at its limit. "It would be troublesome, but yes."
"Great! I'll let you know when I get back," Kakashi said and activated a shushin. He got great pleasure in seeing Shikamaru's startled face as he left.
Old dead leaves crunched under Kakashi's feet. Kakashi had to trust a part of him knew where he was going. The difference between what he saw a few weeks ago and what he can see now was jarring. There was nothing here. The house was gone, the garden now belonged to the forest, and the chicken coop was missing. He couldn't even hear the feathered beasts. He stopped to take in the loss and wished for a moment he could go back and drink a cup of tea by the hearth, even if the day was much too hot for it.
Kakashi forged forward up the path until he spotted the tall green stones. They were aged and uncared for but still a welcomed sight. Kakashi stood in front of his father and traced his finger over his name.
Hatake Sakumo.
"I left you in quite a state, didn't I? Blaming you the way I did." Kakashi picked at the dry green moss. "I shouldn't have done that. Being Hokage is nothing like I ever expected it to be. I didn't know it was going to be that different from all my other titles. I was expecting it to be like an ANBU captain, but it's not. It's both more and less. When I was a team leader, my job began and ended with my team. I focused on completing the mission, but their well-being was my highest priority. Make sure they come home alive.
"But as Hokage, my priorities had to change. I didn't have a team to lead; I had a village to care for. There are all these needs I need to pay attention to. Everything seems to connect with everything else. If the roads aren't clear of bandits, then the merchants can't get through. Without the merchants, we don't have a supply of steel. Without that steel, the costs of blades go up. When the price of blades goes up, my shinobi's are not appropriately equipped, and we have more casualties on the field, allowing for more bandits on the road. It's a vicious cycle and a balancing act that I can't truly win.
"When I create and assign these missions, I have all these other elements in the back of my mind. I know why these missions are important and what failure would mean. I rely on these missions being completed, and I think I got caught up in that."
Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed heavily. His shoulders drooped as he thought about the weight of the village. "I began to realize why the Sandaime was so angry with you back then, and I found myself agreeing with him. It brought up old wounds. Then I came here and blamed you for the third war and all that it took from me. I ended up in the past, Dad. I was eight years old again. It was as terrible as you can imagine. But going to the past didn't lessen what I had lost by making me somehow grateful for all I had gained. It made me realize I lost more than I ever realized or could have dreamed of," he made a painful swallow as the emotion jabbed at his throat.
"Minato-sense actually adopted me against my will, and Kushina-nee was determined to turn me into an Uzumaki. Could you imagine me as an Uzumaki?" Kakashi shook his head with a breathy laugh. Then fell silent for a moment. His mind felt full, but it was challenging to organize it all into language.
"The war," he started slow, "it wasn't your fault. You did the right thing. You brought your team home alive. Mission failure or not, the team leader's priority is getting his team home alive. Your job was to get them home. My job as the Hokage is to make sure that you can make the call to fail the mission. If you need to fail a mission, it's my job to deal with the fallout and find solutions. I don't have the right to demand sacrifices, but I am to honor them when they are given. Above everyone else, I need to honor those that laid down their lives for our village."
Kakashi Hatake dropped to his knees, and his forehead touched the ground before his father's grave. "Hataka Sakumo, Jounin of Konohagakure, this Hokage is humbled by your sacrifice and deeply grateful for your service to our village." He lifted his head and then lowered it to the ground once more, "Dad, thank you for showing me how to be a shinobi. You really were a hero."
Can you believe it's the end? Thank you all for taking this journey with me! I've really enjoyed exploring this concept with you and talk in the reviews. Honestly, I'm really going to miss chatting with you weekly. You all have been so kind to me! So thank you!
I hope you're satisfied with the ending. Back in the prologue, Kakashi saw things from a different perspective. As Hokage, he had a better understanding of why certain missions needed to be filled and the devastations that happen when they are failed. He was struggling to balance his previous nindo with his new position. But it seems he has found his stride. Kakashi was taking on too much. He needed to remember what his responsibilities were and what the responsibilities were of his shinobi. As Kushina told him, your shoulders aren't wide enough to support the whole village.