authorsnote: this has been bubbling and 90% written for a while I just needed to push through the ending, so here it is!
I do hope you enjoy, let me know if you did!
shameless plug here (I'm terrible I know!), if you're a harry/hermione fan do check out my WIP: Souls Aligned
songrecommendations: funeral - band of horses
also credit to how I met your mother for this awesome quote I used
There is a phrase.
It reads 'Lifelong treasure of destiny'
…
..
.
It is not something that develops over time.
The first time she sees him, on the train, sat opposite a boy with red hair. She has her nose in the air, so desperate to prove herself, so desperate to prove she belongs. 'Has anyone seen a toad?' She doesn't care about the toad, she cares about being seen, about proving herself.
I belong here.
He is smiling, unsure of himself, but in awe of the world around him. He smiles as he says, 'No'. And his smile alone eases the tension in her shoulders, it has her looking across at him, not down at him, it has her features soften a hint, smile a little.
His smile is like sunlight, it is uncertain, but dazzling, she can't imagine what it will be like when he is certain. He will be certain, she knows that then, he will become certain in himself. Eventually.
She finds an excuse to stick around, ask about magic, she scoffs at the boy in red, but eases her mocking as his eyes knit together – she's no bully, just insecure. She lashes out when insecure, and so again she softens herself, smiles, as the dark-haired boy – Harry, she later finds out offers her a smile.
She makes her excuses to leave, but only because she doesn't want to smile like a maniac. That, his smile, it is the first moment she feel's like she might belong … just maybe.
The second time is when the hat roars Gryffindor, and she slides into a seat, and smiles when he slides into one next to her as he's sorted – Harry.
Both Gryffindors – brave apparently, that makes her feel better, and so does he as he gives her a smile.
It is something that happens instantaneously.
Everything is new, everything is strange, he feels as though he's fallen asleep, surely dreaming to be shaken awake by Dudley's footsteps on the stairs overhead, to realise this was all conjured in his mind. Surely it can't be real.
'It's enchanted' Some logic to explain his dream, it helps as they hurry into the hall, the slightly bossy girl walking behind him and Ron – his first real friend. 'I read about it in Hogwarts a History' She speaks, Ron rolls his eyes, but he finds some comfort in her words.
Perhaps all of this can be explained.
He feels a little disconnected – can this be real? He thinks of Ron, his new friend, Neville who'd bumbled but been so kind, and then Hermione, bushy hair, bossy, but a kind smile, a smile he hopes he sees more of, hope's she feels comfortable enough to show it.
She does smile again, though its more shocked than sincere when she gets sorted. 'Gryffindor' The hat calls, and he feels an inexplainable tug then – he wants Gryffindor, and for no good reason now.
'Not Slytherin, not Slytherin, not Slytherin' He mumbles three times, and 'Gryffindor?' He asks once.
When the hat roars the name, he breaks out in a grin, runs, sliding into a seat next to Hermione and soon Ron slides in next to him.
He feels happy – what a strange feeling, but a welcome one.
'It courses through you'
The year is a whirlwind. First, he has Ron, then Hermione, and then the three are inseparable (perhaps slaying a Troll does that). They laugh together, joke together, Ron rolls his eyes, Hermione nags and he goes along with everything. They fight once or twice, but mostly they chat; they grin, they giggle, the bond between them is soon close enough to endure anything.
It is good, it is whole, it is something he never knew he wanted or needed but could never do without again.
Friends.
Lessons pass, Quidditch is amazing (and he always feels warm when he see's his friends cheering for him, especially Hermione as she always puts down her book when he plays), and soon the 1st year is winding down.
Of course, not without a bang though.
Weeks after he remembers the chess match, Ron, heroic and loyal taking the fall. He remembers the keys, and how he's never been so good at anything as Quidditch, and he remembers Hermione, her words. Perhaps he's never been as good as anything at Quidditch, but he's never felt so good as when Hermione praises him.
He felt an odd pang he won't be able to describe for years when he had to leave her behind to face the stone.
When he faces the Mirror – he sees a flash of something brown first, a red tie, and then the stone, it's in his pocket.
He tries not to dwell on what happened next.
Still, sweets from his friends (who don't leave his bedside), Ron playing Exploding Snap with him, Hermione doing his homework and not hearing a word about it. He heals in their presence. Ron falls asleep at the foot of his bed, and one-night Hermione holds his hand as he sleeps.
He has no nightmares that night.
He's not sure what that means.
'Like the water of a river after a storm'
The night she holds his hand, it's not something she'd think to do, she even blushes, but her concern for him, for Harry, her best friend, it washes away any childhood embarrassment.
She thinks of watching him disappear through the flames, of not knowing if he'd come back, of sitting in that room with the potions a fraction too long, trying every spell to replicate the potion so she could follow him, before having to concede.
She thinks of the crazy year they had, and yet how she wouldn't change any of it, for if she did would she have Harry? Or Ron?
No, she wouldn't change it.
And so, she holds his hand, hugs him goodbye at the train station, and for the first time ever wishes summer were over on the first day of it.
'Filling you and emptying you, all at once'
2nd year comes, and the school's hatred for Harry manifests into her defending him against impossible odds.
She yells at Lavender one night in their dorm when she gossips, she glares at mean Ravenclaw's and even debates cursing Malfoy. She hates seeing Harry so morose, so conflicted and scared of himself. She wants to kill anyone who's made him feel that way.
2nd year is the first time she recognises just how much importance she puts on Harry's happiness, even more so than her own.
She tries to help, she corrects his schoolwork, she glares at the whisperers, she brews the illegal potion against her better judgement (she can't stand to break the rules), and she stands by Harry's side, with Ron, throughout. Even as people mock her, 'Mudblood' She doesn't care, she's on Harry's side – always.
Even when that snake turns its gaze on her, the reflection catching its murderous gaze, the gasp of shock frozen on her mouth, even then she doesn't regret standing by Harry.
She'll never regret that.
When she finds him when she wakes up, she charges for him first, flings her arms around his neck, pulls him close, he squeezes her tight, and then Ron is lifting her off the floor, Hagrid is patting her head (ow), and it seems like she hasn't missed anything at all.
Except the relief on Harry's face, and something else in his gaze that even he can't recognise yet.
'You feel it throughout your body'
3rd year is strange, he goes into it with more angst and anger than he's ever felt. Perhaps its hormones, or teen anger, or a mixture, or neither. All he knows of 3rd year is that the lows match the highs.
He finds out Sirius Black is his Godfather – family. But in the same beat, that Sirius is also his parent's murderer.
Ron breaks his leg, stands on it in bravery to face down Black, a true friend. But just seconds later it's all revealed – another traitor, who escapes.
He runs through the woods with Hermione, hand grasping hers. The wolf comes for them, and he pulls her close, protects her with his body, he'll die before he lets her go. But then, a howl, and their safe, just.
The dementors come, he sees a stag … but nothing, nothing comes at all.
Until of course they travel through time, he is aghast he missed his best friend basically living two lives, but he'll confront that later, for now they have a mission, and they save the day.
Hermione holds him close as they wait, head on his shoulder, hand in his. He pulls her tighter against him. Best friends.
'My dad will come' He promises, nodding, he realises Hermione doesn't have the heart to break it to him, she doesn't have to, not as he surges forward, wand in hand, as he realises what he needs to do…
His stag is brilliant.
So is Hermione's smile when she realises it worked, as she flings her arms around him.
'You really are the brightest witch of your age' Hermione grins, so does Harry, they both know it to be true, as they wave Sirius away and he hugs her – he can never repay the debt she gave in helping him. Loyal, something he will always be to Hermione and Ron.
Always.
He doesn't realise until next year, there's only one of his friends he can count on for the same.
'In your hands'
Hands put slips in the Goblet, one after the other. He won't. Even before the age restriction had been announced, he'd never take part. The idea of the fame, the infamy, it makes him grimace and Hermione nods, 'I quite agree', and he smiles at her. She gets him.
She's also the only one who believes him.
He's always been best friends with Ron and Hermione, the trio – the three are a puzzle. However, he tended to like hanging out with Ron more. They goof off, they laugh a little more, there's no nagging, not too much studying.
He realises how wrong he was.
He misses Ron, but he's shown who he is – jealous, as Hermione said as though it were obvious. He can't understand it himself, jealous of what? No parents and a scar people stare at? The fame of almost being killed? No, he'd give all of that up for quiet, for his parents, for a clean forehead and a proper family.
He realises in Ron's absence that actually Hermione is fun, a sarcastic sense of humour, she's calm, easy to be around, and his grades do improve throughout the year. Less A's, more E's, and even a few O's.
Ron may be fun, but he also turned away. Hermione hasn't ever. He remembers her with the stack of toast, cheering him on in the dragon task, screaming for him on the side-lines, always there. He remembers how one morning sat by the lake she'd just held his hand, eyes on her book, but offering him that comfort.
Even when he and Ron make up, it's not quite the same. They slot easily back into their friendship, but the closeness with Hermione doesn't go away, it won't he knows, and he can ignore Ron whining when he goes to the library.
Hermione stood by him when no one else did, he won't forget that, he doesn't, not ever.
'In your heart'
When Harry arrives back, with a thud outside the maze, she instantly knows something is wrong.
She tries to run to his side, but then Dumbledore is there, Amos Diggory is making a horrible sound like a wounded animal, and then Moody is dragging her best friend away from it all.
She screams out his name but can't be heard, and results in sobbing on Ron's shoulder.
When she sees him hours later, there's a cloud over him, one that won't budge, she's never seen him so sad, so burdened.
She holds his hand again though, to make up for not following him, she wishes she had, she should have, she should have blasted her way through the crowd, she hates that she didn't.
"He'd have killed you" Harry responds when she expresses such a thing, her expression dripping with guilt. "He would have"
"I'm still sorry" He hugs her then, and neither see Ron's expression first harden and then soften with realisation. Still, he looks upset but neither notice, not as Harry holds her close, and she grasps him. Ron does join eventually, putting a hand on both of their shoulders, steady for them both.
They have been through a lot and something with her and Harry has changed, but they are still the trio, still 3. They always will be, and they spend several minutes just holding onto one another. 3.
"It's all going to change isn't it?" She asks, neither of them specifically, but it's Harry who answers.
"Yes" Simple, easy, true.
It is all going to change.
'In your stomach'
Over summer he's alone, more alone than he's ever felt.
Letters go unanswered, Hedwig comes back empty handed, and he feels this pit grow in his stomach, bit by bit. The Dementors make it worse, much worse, and he feels like a child the way he is handled. 'Stay where you are', 'Don't do anything' 'We'll take care of it'
It's like no one respects him, no one trusts him. He has no one here, not even Hermione writes, and she always used to. Does no one care?
Left alone, abandoned in the muggle world with the Dursley's. Nothing for him could be worse.
And so, when he arrives at Grimmauld Place, he is stiff as Hermione hugs him, almost glares at Ron's clap on the shoulder, and ignores everyone else. If they want to treat him like a child maybe he'll act like one.
Until of course he erupts, it's only Hermione's tears that make him stop, as he feels a hollow, odd feeling he's never felt before that immediately quells his yelling.
"You're quite right Harry, I'd be furious if it were me" She says under the sobbing, "We should have written, I'm sorry"
It's only then as she forces him into another hug does he relax, the tension in his shoulders eases and he returns the embrace, Ron claps a hand on his shoulder and wears that hard then soft expression again, but Harry misses it.
How his anger turned into him soothing Hermione he doesn't know, but he knows she's sorry, and that's enough for him.
'In your skin'
School feels like hell again, not quite as bad as 2nd year at first but as the months run on it certainly matches and then surpasses it.
'I must not tell lies' Cut into his skin permanently, the whispers, the mocking. Ron tries to cheer him up, Hermione tries to reign in his temper. He feels constantly ready to explode, constantly ready to fly off the handle, he does several times, and he never feels so guilty as he does when Hermione tries to calm him down.
She gives him Murtlap Essence, one night he falls asleep in the common room and wakes up early to find her curled up next to him – 'Keeping you company' She'd explained, with dark circles under her eyes, and he felt warm at that.
She's the one who suggests the DA. Yes, at first he resents her for it, for the idea he can do it, but then it's sustaining him, thanks to her, thanks to Hermione.
He has a lot to thank her for.
Of course, she is by his side when they storm the Department of Mysteries. When they are found, they share a look, she gives him a nod and he feels his Gryffindor courage spring forth.
And yet, he's never felt so cold and scared as to when she falls at the hand of Dolohov. She looks dead.
Thank god she's not dead.
But when she's recovering in the hospital wing, he doesn't leave her side, not for a minute. How can he? He can't. He won't. Madam Pomfrey asks him to leave, he ignores her, even Ron seems concerned about it, he ignores them all, and he feels he's doing the right thing. Hermione is the only one who hasn't asked him to go. He'll leave if she asks him to, and she never does.
They get their homework done, they talk, but often they sit in silence. When Ron has gone to bed (giving them that look they miss again), they mostly sit in silence, a comfortable one though, it's never awkward with them.
"I'm sor…"
"Don't you dare" She scolds him, cutting his apology off at the knees, "I'll always stand by your side"
That night he lets himself cry, Hermione comforts him, but soon two of them are in tears. Madam Pomfrey sees them, but says nothing as they hug, clutch one another and sob, she just watches them with a sad expression before giving them their privacy.
When they part, she promises to write, she hugs him a second longer, and then when he's in the back of the Dursley's car he feels a pang, a deep pang, as though he's been torn away from something.
Or someone.
'Have you ever felt this way about someone?
I think so
If you have to think about it, you have not felt it'
6th year comes then, and it causes some tension between them.
She hates that book, and she hates herself more that it isn't really about the fact it might be dangerous, but more her own jealousy.
Jealousy has always been one of her worst traits, it tastes all the more sour when it has her annoyed at her best friend.
There's also the issue of Malfoy. She just can't believe the idea that Malfoy, a child, is a Death Eater. She wants to believe it though, when Harry looks so disappointed that she doesn't, but she just can't.
Still, there is plenty else to be tense about in 6th year. Every class is so much harder and there is a horrible kind of pressure about the air, now that it's acknowledged, now it's known that Voldemort is back. Of course, they knew before, but now it's accepted … it makes things much, much tenser.
She tries to be there for Harry, rests her head on his shoulder when they are falling asleep in the common room, tucks her arm through his as they stand by the Black Lake, checks over his homework without complaint. She can see the weight on him though, the weight of what's to come.
One night, Ron sits on the sofa, Harry the armchair, and she is cross legged in front of the fire, Crookshanks next to her, familiar and witch basking in the warmth, the common room is otherwise empty, empty when Harry recounts the full prophecy to them, word for word.
'Neither can live while the other survives…'
She puts on a brave face in front of Harry, grips his hand as Ron does his shoulder, promises him that it will be he who survives, that they'll be there with him, that they can and will win.
It's only when she's alone and hidden under her covers, a silencing charm cast around her, that she sobs, deep, heart-breaking sobs at the very idea of her best friend being taken from her. Just the thought of it makes her want to scream and rage.
The rest of the year plods along at a horribly dripping pace, but also far too fast for her liking. The air is always tense, but there is some fun and regular teenage stuff, not that she gets involved in any of it.
She rolls her eyes as Ron practically devours Lavender. She remembers the brief crush she had on him in 3rd year and wrinkles her nose in horror, her and Ron are better as friends, much better.
It seems everyone is caught in the grip of hormones, and is she immune? Or just without offer? She remembers some gentle kisses with Viktor, but that had been about it. She can't seem to stir much interest in any of the guys at Hogwarts … well, that's what she currently thinks.
Harry is the same as her though. She watches him reject Ginny with awkward stumbles, and he always blushes red when anyone tries to flirt with him. They go to Slughorns party together, as friends, and laugh at just what a dreadful time everyone has.
It's natural, it's them. Yes, she felt a little strange, arm hooked through Harry's whilst he's in dress robes and she in a peach dress. It was an odd, squirmy feeling in her tummy, and Harry's cheeks had been a bit pink. It had been a bit awkward when Slughorn had thought them a couple and raved about the potion making abilities of any potential children before they'd corrected him, but otherwise it had been fun.
Still, teenage fun soon gives way, as Harry's lessons intensify, as he actually goes on a mission with Dumbledore that leaves her terrified. He presses the Felix into her hand and holds onto her just a second longer than everyone else before he leaves.
She is terrified to think she might not see him again.
Soon there is no room for fear though.
There is only danger, as the Death Eaters flood the school, as she somehow ends up in the midst of a duel. She may be prodigy at school but she's nothing against killers, against Death Eaters that fire to kill. She manages to hold her own, just, sending back stunner after stunner as she dodges crackles of green magic. She knows the Felix is doing her job as everything just misses her, but it's a close-run thing.
She only ceases when Harry crashes through, running after Snape. The darkness powder obscures most but she finds him, there in the darkness, and without hesitation she follows.
Without hesitation.
He runs outside, won't stop as she calls for him, he is single minded in following who she can see as Malfoy and she feels horrible crippling guilt that Harry was right. She can also see Snape and that horrifies her more. Harry had always accused him; she hates herself for not trusting his judgement. She promises herself never to make that mistake again.
And so, she follows, running after him, her lungs burning as she sprints, but she doesn't cease. As he falls to Snape's wand she is too far away, but she just pushes herself faster.
"No" She screams as Snape throws him back again and decides to throw something back.
She can't even raise her wand before she is hurled backwards by her old Professor's spell, winded but unhurt.
By the time she's on her feet he's gone, and Harry is stumbling up as well. She is soon by his side, and he sobs then, collapses to his knees and she grabs him, tries to support him, but he brings her down too, both of them in the mud and cold.
"Harry?" She is shaking she knows, to see Harry so broken, she is terrified. "What happened?"
He can barely choke out the words, but when he does, 'Dumbledore is dead' She feels an icy cold run through her. She can only pull Harry close, as he wails, horrid, broken cries on her shoulder. She can only grip him tightly, as she is sure she hears a phoenix cry join her best friends.
'Everyone does eventually'
'You just never know when or where'
It is after Dumbledore's funeral the three of them manage to be alone again. Harry is quiet, not recovered, and she and Ron try to offer comfort, but they don't manage much, not when they're hurting so much themselves.
As Harry explains his plan it's Ron that speaks first, "We'll come with you"
"You don't…" Harry starts but she takes his hand, grips it tightly.
"We're always with you"
They are, she looks at Ron who nods, before he excuses himself having promised his family he'd be with them after the funeral, leaving Harry and her be, she doesn't realise it's a rare moment of emotional maturity on her best friends part.
"We're always with you" She repeats, feeling the need to.
"Always?" He asks, and she knows he isn't questioning it, he just needs to hear it and she's happy to say it again, she means it, more than anything else she has ever said.
"Always"
She isn't sure why she isn't surprised as Harry leans forward then, a blazing look in his eyes. She isn't sure why she isn't bright red (though she probably is), she isn't sure how she just accepts it.
It just feels right.
He kisses her, gently, his lips just a brush against hers, and it feels natural, right, and like they should have been doing it for years and years. They will, when the war is won, they will do this for years, that she knows for sure.
Her and Harry.
As he breaks the kiss, and her heart near beats from her chest, he rests his forehead against hers, and she against him, a moment of respite, calm before the storm, their hands link, and they just breathe, breathe with each other.
"Always"
'Lifelong treasure of destiny'
sooo thoughts?
I loved writing this, kind of a re-telling, a little different from canon with a very different ending!
so did you enjoy? do let me know your thoughts! and do you want more harry/hermione one shots? do tell me!
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