Liebestraum
Chapter 31: Prima Volta (Or literally, the first time)
Note: As you've probably guessed by the title of this chapter, this is going to be explicit. If you're not wanting to read it, please feel free to skip! There's a little fluff at the end (naturally) but otherwise not much happens, except sex. That for sure happens :-P
They only had a few more weeks until their official wedding, and Kurama had already moved most of his things into the new apartment. They still hadn't managed to pick up everything they needed, but the once bare space was filling up nicely.
It was evening, and both Asuka and Kurama were quietly sitting on the couch reading. He was doing homework, and Asuka was catching up on what she needed to take the high school entrance exam. Hot mugs of half-drunk tea sat on the coffee table.
Asuka put down her book and forced herself into Kurama's lap. He carefully put a marker in his and set it on the coffee table. Kurama then swung his legs and body so he'd be laying lengthwise on the couch before he enfolded Asuka into his arms.
"Hi," he said softly.
It didn't matter how many times Kurama held her—having Asuka tucked into his chest brought him immense relief.
"Hi," she whispered. "I love you."
Asuka didn't give him a chance to respond. She pressed her lips to his in a slow, open-mouthed kiss. It was extremely sensual, full of tongue, and needy.
Kurama immediately reacted to her. His fingers threaded her hair and pushed it back behind her ear while his other hand curled around her back. He already had an erection, but that wasn't surprising.
He wanted her so badly. Sleeping next to her, waking up with her, and living with her were all blissful in their own ways. But they also exacerbated how hungry he was for the rest of her. It was the only thing they hadn't shared.
Kurama broke the kiss. He didn't think he could go much longer and still stop.
Asuka gave a choked cry and placed her head on his shoulder. She curled her fingers around the collar of his shirt and tugged at it in frustration.
"Kurama," she said in a strained voice. "I need you. All of you. Tonight."
The anguish in her voice reflected his own feelings. But now that she was directly asking for him, he couldn't help but worry. Would the strain of it all cause something awful to happen?
He swallowed. "Asuka, I…."
She pulled back and looked at him. She must've seen his concern because her wide purple eyes softened. "It's okay," she whispered. "I'm okay now."
"Are you sure? If you pass out or something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."
She placed a tender hand on his cheek. "I'm positive. I haven't had a dizzy spell in awhile. But I won't be okay if things continue like this for much longer. I know you feel the same."
Kurama did feel the same, but still—he'd almost lost Asuka, and the thought of hurting her during such a precious experience was enough to keep giving him pause.
"You can have me now. It's time, love."
Hearing her say that made him swallow. She was making it hard to say no.
"If you feel dizzy, or anything else seems weird to you, Asuka, tell me. I'll stop. I'm afraid this could set back your recovery, or worse."
"I promise," she said softly.
He closed his eyes as he attempted to shift his thinking. In the end, he had to trust the woman he loved. She'd always agreed with him when they stopped before. If she said she was okay, then it was okay.
"…okay."
Asuka sighed and placed her head back on his shoulder. She tightened her arms around him.
"How do you want me?" he asked softly.
Asuka pulled away and looked at him. "For our first time? Just as you are."
"A forewarning then. This body," he said placing a hand on his chest, "hasn't ever done this before. I haven't built up any stamina, so I imagine it will go quickly. And it doesn't help that I've wanted you for so long, love."
She rested her forehead on his. "It's not about that, Kurama," she said softly. Her voice overflowed with gentleness and compassion. "I don't need you to perform for me. I just want to give you all of me. And I want to have all of you. How ever it goes is more than okay."
Her tenderness sparked a deep longing and he kissed her, hard. "Asuka," he said when he briefly pulled away, "I love you."
"And I love you."
He held her cheek as he almost always preferred to do when they kissed. There was just something so sensual feeling how her jaw opened and closed. He was just about to ask Asuka if she wanted to move to the bedroom when she started unbuttoning the shirt he wore while they kissed. She faltered briefly when he swirled his tongue around hers but otherwise she was quick.
His mind already felt hazy.
When the last button came undone, she pushed on the shirt. He managed to pull it off without breaking their connection and Asuka's hands came to rest on his chest. She kissed him hard for a moment, then pulled away.
Her purple eyes widened as she stared down at him and unconsciously bit her lip. Asuka slowly began to drag her fingers across his chest. First, she ran them over his collar bone, then down the line between his two pectoral muscles. After that she went to his abdomen. She moved her fingers over the hard ridges and the valleys between them.
He shivered.
The look in Asuka's eyes told him she was completely lost in the contours of his body. It was deeply erotic, and his erection strained uncomfortably in his pants. He did his best to ignore it. He was afraid that if he adjusted himself, it would make her stop.
He wouldn't stop her for the whole world.
When she reached the end of what was available Asuka leaned down over him and began to brush her lips where her fingers had been. She started with his collar bone then moved down his chest.
He stifled a groan. How was she so good at this? Her lips felt like fire on him. He gripped her hips, unable to remain perfectly still. Asuka shifted down his body until her mouth was over his abdomen. Her lips ghosted him there and they hovered for a brief moment.
And then Asuka reached for his pants button. Her hand brushed over his erection when she did, and he inhaled sharply. She ignored him and continued with the button. Once she undid it and the zipper, Asuka tugged on it and then looked up at him for the first time since beginning her expedition.
Her eyes bore into his with her silent command. Pants off.
Asuka was still fully dressed and if Kurama had to guess, she'd completely forgotten about herself. Normally he'd laugh or tease her, but in the haze of his extreme arousal he could only do what she wanted.
She moved to the side and squished into the couch to give him room to pull them off. He immediately felt less constricted and his fingers curled around his black underwear.
He hesitated.
Asuka placed her hands over his and gently pulled. He looked at her face. He wanted to know her reaction when he completely revealed himself to her.
Her purple eyes widened before going dark as she inhaled sharply. As she stared at him, she licked her lips.
It was an instinctual reaction, and Kurama doubted Asuka even realized what she did. But he felt proud to have garnered such a response from her. It told him she approved.
Yes, the look on her face said she very much approved of him.
At this point his erection was so rigid it bordered on being painful. Asuka reached for him and when her delicate hand wrapped around his length he groaned. His fingers gripped the couch as the woman he loved bent over him and touched him.
This was beyond anything he'd ever experienced. No amount of skill could ever make up for Asuka's gentle fingers as she explored his hardened length.
And then, she bent down and pressed her lips to him.
It was too much. As much as he yearned for more of her soft lips, and especially her mouth on him like that….
"Asuka love," he huffed. "I…can't."
The haze over her eyes broke. She backed away from him and grinned sheepishly. "I got carried away there."
He immediately sat up and reached for her, unwilling to let her think she made some kind of mistake. "You're too good for your own good, love," he said kissing her forehead. "I think though, maybe we're a bit uneven here?" he lifted his eyebrow and looked down at himself.
Asuka groaned and put her hand over her face. "Why am I like this."
He chuckled. "I love you because you're like this."
Without breaking his hold on Asuka he stood up, intending on carrying her to the bedroom. As he moved them, Asuka pulled off her shirt and tossed it to the side. She then unclipped her bra and dropped it to the floor.
"We're a little more even now," she said.
His eyes widened at seeing her bare breasts in front of him. "So beautiful," he murmured as they reached the bedroom.
"Touch me."
Kurama pushed Asuka into the wall. He slid his hand up her stomach and cupped her right breast in his hand. Since it was small, he could encompass it entirely within his grasp. He liked that. It made him feel masculine against her delicateness.
She gasped.
"So lovely," he said as he continued to massage it.
"Kurama," she groaned while threading her fingers through his hair.
He pulled her off the wall and closed the remaining distance to their bed. When he set her down he wasted no time pulling her skirt and underwear off. He tossed her underwear aside without even registering what color they were.
Kurama felt his pupils blow. Asuka lay before him completely naked. She was looking up at him with wide eyes and the most perfect, delicate smile. She didn't hide herself from him, nor was she embarrassed.
His eyes raked in her loveliness. From her small, perky breasts on her slender frame, to the chestnut curls that adorned her intimate folds; she was more beautiful than he ever could have imagined.
"Asuka," he huffed. "You are perfection."
Though her ki was much weaker than it used to be, he sensed her love for him as it radiated out in waves.
He felt like he was going to burst.
Asuka held her arms out to him, and he climbed into bed, hovering over her.
Her delicate body was his, and he was going to make her orgasm.
Kurama set to work. First, he settled on top of her—high enough that he wouldn't enter her, but low enough that she would still feel him. He cupped her face with his hands, and he kissed her.
It was a wet, sloppy kiss, unrefined in every sense. A testament to how he was losing control of his own faculties.
She moaned and instinctively wrapped her legs around him. He could feel how wet she was, and it made his head spin.
After he kissed her, Kurama moved himself lower so he could take one of her nipples in his mouth. His hardness slid lengthwise over her center and they both gasped.
The feel of her brought both relief and strain. He wanted to burry himself deep into her body and release the painful tension that swirled in his groin.
Not yet.
He wouldn't do that until Asuka had her pleasure. He didn't want to risk coming and leaving her unsatisfied.
He took her nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. Asuka arched her back into him and moaned. His other hand slid up to massage her other breast. She whimpered and the sound lanced through him.
Asuka was close. All he needed to do was work her with his mouth a little. Kurama dragged his lips further down her belly and moved himself down as he descended. But when he placed his hand on her thigh to spread her legs further, Asuka stopped him.
He looked up at her, curious.
"Kurama," she gasped. "I know what you're up to…don't." Her eyes were wild and her chest heaved. "I want you inside me when I come."
He almost lost it. He wound his way back up her body and captured her lips in a heady, passionate kiss. Kurama broke it and began reaching for his beside drawer.
"No condom," she whispered before he even got a chance to pull one out.
Kurama snapped his eyes back to his lover.
"I've got an IUD," she said. Her voice was low and barely contained. "It's a type of birth control. I…I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to completely feel you when we finally made love."
He closed his eyes and clamped his jaw in attempt to keep himself level-headed. He breathed in deeply before taking a hold of himself. He needed to get this right for her, no matter what. "I love you."
"And I love you."
Kurama lined himself up, and slowly pushed, keeping a close eye on Asuka's face. He didn't want to hurt her.
She bit her lip and whimpered, but it was a face of pleasure, and not of pain.
Kurama groaned as he fully seated himself within her—inside the woman he loved. Surrounded by her warmth, she welcomed him like he belonged there. His head swam. She was so wet and snug, and he never wanted to leave.
"Asuka," he said in a horse whisper. "You feel so good."
"Kurama." She said his name in a choked, pleasure-ridden sob.
As he suspected, he wasn't going to last long. Feeling her like this was beyond everything he'd ever experienced up until now. Kurama pushed himself off Asuka. He held his body up with his left hand and began to massage where they were joined with his right.
She whimpered and involuntarily bucked her hips.
He grit his teeth. Not yet.
Kurama remained steady while he rubbed Asuka's clit. He kept at it and watched how her eyes squeezed and how her face contorted as her pleasure built.
He was going to remember her like this for the rest of his life.
When her thighs began to tremble, in tandem with massaging her, Kurama pulled out and snapped his hips back. It was rapture to move himself within her. He pulled out, then pushed in again. Then out, then in. Out, and in.
His release was imminent. He could feel it building as his heartrate increased.
When he thrusted again, he felt Asuka begin to spasm around him. She moaned as she rode through her pleasure and in relief Kurama orgasmed, hard.
He collapsed on top of her as the waves of ecstasy washed over him. Her arms came up around him and he sighed deeply.
He lay still for a moment before lifting his head to look into the eyes of the woman he loved. He found tears spilling out. He wasn't worried though. He knew what those tears meant.
"Asuka," he said capturing her lips in a brief kiss. "Did I communicate how much you mean to me?"
"Yes," she said running her fingers through his hair. "Did you feel how much I love you?"
"I did," he said nuzzling into her shoulder.
Kurama stayed connected with Asuka for another minute then asked, "shower?"
She nodded.
He remained inside of her until they were in the shower and the water was running hot. He slipped out, disappointed he had to let her go.
Asuka reached and grabbed a hair tie off the sink.
"I just washed it this morning and don't want to get it wet," she explained as she pulled up her glorious chestnut waves.
Kurama got an uninhibited view of her bare back.
He knew Asuka complained about how dainty and slender she was, but he loved the shape of her body. Her backside curved ever so gently in smooth perfected rounds angled in such a way that it reminded him of a heart.
So beautiful. So perfect, Asuka.
He wondered what it would feel like to hold her up by her butt and make love to her that way. Against the wall maybe? Either way. He was strong enough to hold her up without using the wall. He'd have complete control of the angle too. She was so smooth, and she'd be so soft and pliable in his arms as he buried himself deep within her and…he swallowed.
He'd just orgasmed, and he'd done it hard. He shouldn't be feeling like this so soon. He shouldn't want more after everything she'd already given him.
"Is everything alright love?"
He realized Asuka had turned around and was looking at him with concern.
"I'm fine," he said softly, and pulled her bare body to himself. Her breasts squished against him and his eyes fluttered from the contact of her. "I'm just thinking about us."
She kissed his chest then stepped away to lather herself up with soap. Watching her move the soap around made Kurama wish it were his hands moving over her body instead.
What is wrong with me?
He soaped up and quickly rinsed off. He needed some space to think clearly because apparently, Asuka naked in the shower was too much for him to handle.
"You're done already?"
"Yeah," he said a little hoarser than he would've liked. "I'm just going to the kitchen to get something to drink."
She stared at him for a moment then said, "Alright."
Kurama went to the kitchen, poured himself some water, then drank the entire glass without stopping. He refilled it, and drank some more. His mouth was still dry, and he felt hungry. Agitated. Possessive.
What was going on?
As he tried to make sense of his mood, he felt a strong pull to his Yoko body. An image of himself thrusting in and out of Asuka shot through his mind.
Oh.
Apparently, he wanted Asuka in his Yoko body. And he wanted her so badly, his human one was being affected.
Well, this is new.
He drummed his fingers on the counter as he leaned over it.
It made sense, he supposed. After all, he hadn't given everything he had to Asuka yet. There was still a part of him—a crucial part of him—that hadn't touched her and hadn't felt her touch.
It felt like their coupling was only half-complete.
Without thinking, Kurama morphed into his Yoko form and gasped. He felt the strain of his overwhelming, burning desire. He didn't just want Asuka, he needed her.
What should he do? They'd just finished making love. Could he really ask her to do it all over? And would she physically be up for being with him in his Yoko form?
He trembled, unsure of how to proceed.
"There you are," Asuka's gentle voice said from the side.
He turned and found an ethereal sight.
In the entrance to the kitchen stood Asuka, but she wasn't dressed like he supposed she'd be. Instead, she wore black thigh-high stockings, black underwear, and nothing else. Her hair had been carefully arranged to cover her breasts while exposing her belly. She couldn't have picked a more provocative look if she tried.
Kurama growled instinctually. "How did you know?"
"Because I know you."
His tail swished. Her smell and appearance were sending shivers down his spine and he felt carnal.
"I need you in this form, love. And I need you now."
"You can have me. When I said I wanted all of you tonight, I meant it. Don't hold back."
He was upon her in seconds and gave her a heady, passionate kiss. As he moved his tongue in her mouth she moaned. His senses were more acute, and he reveled in how good she tasted.
He hadn't kissed her as Yoko since the night he brought her home from the Raekai. Experiencing Asuka in this form was like feasting on a five-star meal and tonight, he fully intended to indulge in every bit of her.
The first step was informing her of his plans.
He pulled his mouth away and said in a low sultry voice, "I'm going to light a fire within you, Asuka. I'm going to revel in every part of you. I'm going to make you come again and again, and I'm going to burn you into my soul."
Her legs trembled at his declaration, but she said with confidence, "two can play that game."
This woman meant everything to him.
He closed his eyes briefly. "I love you. I intend to spend the rest of our lives giving everything I have to you."
"I want everything," she whispered.
Kurama was glad Asuka requested Suichi's body for their first time together. After all, it was the body he preferred to be in and he couldn't imagine it going any other way. But with Yoko's body he could do everything he wanted to her tonight and not be so concerned about releasing early.
He kissed her again. This time it was slow, and intentional. He concentrated on how her mouth felt, and how her jaw moved under his fingers. He kept at it, intentionally ignoring the rest of her. His canines brushed up against her lower lip and with extreme precision, he put just enough pressure so they'd scrape against her without drawing blood.
"Mmmm," she responded.
Kurama increased the pace of how he moved his tongue, which was larger than hers, around her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he kept at it until he felt her lips were sufficiently swollen. He broke their entanglement and pulled away so he could look at her.
"I love the shape of your mouth, Asuka. I love how you feel when you kiss me. And right now, your lips are swollen. I very much like how you look."
Her fingers instinctively flew to her lips.
Her hair had gotten jostled while they kissed and as a result, one of her nipples peaked through the strands of her wavy hair.
So erotic.
His eyes narrowed.
Could the woman he loved be any more desirable? Any more beautiful?
He was so fortunate. He knew that. In the back of his hazy mind somewhere he understood that he—that they—had been given a gift.
"What is it?"
"You're so beautiful Asuka," he said huskily. "I want to remember you this way, for forever. The way your hair cascades down your body, the way your breasts look, and how sexy you are in those stockings."
"I thought you'd like them," she said with sultry smirk.
Again he picked her up and brought her back to their bedroom. Once Kurama set her down his hands began to wander, and his mouth followed soon after.
With this body he could feel the bumps and ridges of her nipples with supreme acuteness. He sucked on one which elicited a moan from Asuka.
In response, she began to gently rub the tip of one of his ears.
They were sensitive and electricity shot all the way down to his groin. He growled and switched his ministrations to the other breast as her fingers moved down his ear and into his hair.
He worked his mouth all over her body, and every kiss he planted upped his desire for what he really wanted.
"Let me taste you, Asuka."
She bent her head upward to look at him before silently spreading her legs in permission.
He pulled her underwear off but decided the stockings would stay. Her legs looked too good in them and he wasn't about to deprive himself of the visual feast.
She smelled appetizing and he licked his lips.
When he made contact with her she whimpered, and her legs involuntarily buckled. He growled and pulled her closer to his mouth so he could go deeper and explore more of her.
She was so soft, so wet, and she tasted so good.
"Kurama," she groaned loudly. Her nimble fingers clutched the sheets of their bed as she endeavored to remain still.
"I love hearing you say my name like that," he said while looking at her center. "And you taste exquisite, Asuka."
She panted but said nothing in return as he moved his tongue over and then in her.
Asuka writhed under his skillful attentions. The sounds she made, the trembling of her thighs and the taste of her were taking his arousal to new heights. He felt powerful knowing he was the one making her squirm.
"Come for me," he said before burying himself back into her folds.
It didn't take long.
He grinned as she spasmed around him. When she finished, he kissed the inside of her leg which made her shudder.
Asuka breathed heavily with her eyes closed. He waited patiently for her to look at him. When she did, he locked eyes with her, wiped his glistening mouth with his fingers and licked them.
Her eyes widened.
"So good," he grinned devilishly.
He saw her pupils dilate. It was exactly the reaction he hoped for. There was more pleasure to be had, and he wanted her to yearn for more satisfaction.
Asuka sat up. "I want you naked, love. Let me see you in this body."
Kurama immediately acquiesced. He stood up, undid his belt which kept his sash tight across his chest. After that, he shrugged off the top layer. Next were his pants. He wore no underwear in these clothes as they were not necessary, so he once again kept his eyes on Asuka as he revealed himself to her.
She bit her lip and stared at him. "I can't wait to have you inside me."
His golden eyes hazed over.
Asuka slid off the bed and came over to him. She ran her hands down his body and over his hardened abdomen. He could feel the differences in pressure between each individual finger, as if she were playing him like an instrument.
Maybe she was.
"You're magnificent," she said appreciatively as her hands traced the V down to his erection.
She looked up at him briefly to see if he was going to stop her from touching him. When he kept still, she looked back down at him and wrapped her hand around him.
He breathed deeply, thankful he could fully appreciate her touch in this body. She left no area on him unexplored as her hands traveled up and down his length.
And then Asuka knelt on the ground.
He was going to stop her. This was such a domineering position and at first he didn't want her in it, but before his brain could register what he wanted to say, she took him into her mouth, and at the same time, reached around his back and ran her fingers through his tail.
He threw his head back and released a guttural moan.
"How, Asuka," he said through clenched teeth. "How are you so good at this?"
"Mmmm," she said with her mouth around him.
Kurama hissed.
Asuka pulled away and said, "I've had a long time to think about what I wanted to do with this body of yours."
His fingers flew to her hair as she returned to her ministrations. His head was still back, his eyes were closed and his mouth hung open. He huffed out her name as his hips involuntarily bucked.
This…this was good. Her hand through his tail gently tugging at it, her mouth encasing what she could of him.
Bliss. Pure, unfathomable bliss.
She was doing this not because she sought his favor, or because she was trying to seduce him, but because she loved him. And love made everything so much better. The way he felt—the ecstasy building in his groin was because of love.
She swirled her tongue around the tip. He grunted before pulling himself out of her mouth.
Asuka looked up at him with such adoration. It made him feel light-headed.
"I want to be inside you," he said in a low voice.
Her eyes darkened.
Kurama gazed at the bed for a moment. He propped up a pillow and sat down with his back leaning against it. He held out his hand and said, "come here, love."
She took it and climbed up. She positioned herself over him, put her hands on his shoulders, and pushed herself down.
Asuka squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip. "Kurama, you feel so good. I feel so whole with you in me like this."
He panted, concentrating on how it felt to be inside Asuka in this body. Her knees were on either side of him sheathed in those black stockings which drove him mad. It was a perfect picture.
Kurama knew he already loved being in the sitting position with Asuka. It gave her an equality he hadn't permitted with anyone else before.
"Let's take our time," he said, staring into her eyes. "I don't want to let you go so quickly."
She nodded, and he kissed her, long, and hard.
Every so often she would buck her hips, and whimper while she did. Her hands ran through his hair and rubbed his ears. He touched her breasts and gently scraped her back with his nails.
Asuka, he thought through the haze.
They began to move slowly.
In this body Kurma could feel exactly where her clit was, and he adjusted his hips so he could rub against her. She moaned.
"That's it, love," he huffed before capturing her lips again.
They gradually increased their pace. As they did, Asuka's whimpers began to increase in pitch and frequency.
It was the best sound in the world. He closed his eyes and relished in the moans he was eliciting from her.
"Kurama, I…I…."
He opened his eyes again. "Find your release, Asuka. I want to feel it."
Her eyes squeezed. She increased her movements with her mouth slack until she orgasmed.
Based on the sound she made and the feel of her clamping down on him, it was the most intense one she had. He held her hips and enjoyed the feel of her. When she was just starting to wind down, he released the coil that had wound tight within himself.
"Asuka," he groaned as he pulsed within her.
She threw her arms around him and collapsed on his shoulder.
They were still, and he felt content.
"Tired?" he asked quietly as he gently hugged her.
"Yes, but I'm so, so happy. Being with you was better than all my wildest fantasies."
"The same for me love. You astounded me."
She looked back into his eyes and smiled while running her fingers through the silver of his hair.
"I'll build up stamina in my other body," he promised. "Your experience with me won't be so mismatched in the future."
She shook her head. "I didn't feel that way all, Kurama. Like I told you once before, I like you both ways, for different reasons. Please don't worry about things like that. That's not what I want you to think about."
"What do you want me to think about?"
She traced his lips. "I want you to think about how we get to keep being together. That every time will be different no matter how we choose to make love. I want you to think about how much I care for you, how grateful I am to be with you, and how deeply I love you."
He closed his eyes. "I love you, Asuka."
She kissed his cheek then climbed off him.
"I'll get you something to clean up with," he said standing up.
Afterward, Kurama got back in bed with Asuka and pulled her to himself. She snuggled up next to him and absently ran her fingers over his chest.
"It was hard, but I'm glad we waited," she said. "If I wasn't able to keep up with you that would've been difficult for you."
He squeezed her. "I would've been too worried about you to be as agitated as you think, but I am glad you're better, for many reasons."
"Me too."
He kissed her hair.
"We're going to be married soon," she said quietly. "Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I think about where my life is verses where I thought it was going to end."
Kurama rubbed her back. "I am so grateful that you're here with me, love. And no matter what happens in the future, we'll be there for each other."
She sighed.
They continued to talk and plan for their future until late in the evening. They'd been through so much but they resolved to make up for all of the pain they'd endured. They already had been, Kurama reflected.
They both were looking forward to celebrating their love with all of their friends. That time was just around the corner.
And Kurama was so very happy.
Author's Note:
It was a good experience for me to write something like this. And reflecting on how the final story took shape, it made the most sense to have this chapter within the confines of the story and not as something extra.
Now excuse me while I go douse myself with a bucket of ice water :-P