Hey guys, Sapphire here!
(To preface all of this—FEAR NOT! I'm not gone for good, nor do I plan on abandoning this story! I just felt that you guys deserved an update from me and, if you guys are interested, a look into my life and why it's been so long since I've continued my stories. Also, there's info/questions about a possible Youtube channel/audiobook platform so def stick around for that down below!)
To begin, I want to express how much I appreciate y'all and how many good vibes I send your way every time I think about my stories and my audience. You guys are the absolute best and nearly every day I think about how crazy it is that my stories (most of them starting out/being created when I was 16 or 17 years old—that's 10 YEARS of working on my craft and expanding on these characters) have left an impression on so many of you.
2020 was a really hard year, and for so many. I myself went through so many ups and downs that to write them all down would take several pages. To name a few: I was ghosted and mistreated by a friend of 5 years, someone I considered my sister in all but blood. I went through several toxic sexual relationships and began a job that tested my mental fortitude as well as highlighted some very unsavory parts of humanity in the process. I made some poor choices and found myself in a pit deeper and darker than I had ever been in before. I spent 10 months living with someone who was not only a hoarder (who refused to work on themselves or acknowledge their problems) but also an emotionally abusive individual who took every opportunity to attack me and my emotional state of being. I got Covid which knocked me out for 2 weeks and is still affecting my brain in various ways and, to top it all off, I was officially diagnosed with general anxiety and depression.
I don't say these things for pity or for sympathy, but for you all to understand that what we see online is merely a fraction of what a person may be dealing with, and so I implore you to be kind to yourself and to those around you—not just during these uncertain times, but going forward as well. None of us have all the answers, none of us know what the fuck we're doing most of the time, all of us face challenges and struggle to be okay at times. Give yourself (and others) space to learn and grieve and grow.
On the opposite side of things, there has been good as well! I met an impossibly kind, crazy sexy, emotionally sound partner who has been there for me since August 2020 and still going strong into 2021, aka who has seen me at my best and my worst and who has been a rock through it all. I started therapy and lucked out in finding a really good therapist who supports me and encourages me to challenge my anxiety/depression without judgment. I found a way out of my toxic living situation and am now in my own apartment with no roommates for the first time in my life (it's been two weeks since my move-in and it still feels too good to be true). I'm getting a puppy in August of this year (an Australian Shepard, eeeeeeek!) and I'm doing so well in being more selective with my friendship circle and in establishing boundaries without seeing situations/friendships as strictly black and white.
In recent months, I've been struggling to get my brain back to how it was before Covid. Brain fog is very much a thing, and coupled with a particularly low point in regards to my depression it's made writing nearly impossible. I sit down to try and write but almost immediately I get overwhelmed and hopeless about my abilities and have to step away. Little by little, week by week, I feel more like my old self but it's taking a long time to get there.
While I'm sad that my mental block is causing a very long wait, I'm not sorry for taking the space and time to work on myself and just EXIST for a little while.
I do plan on updating this story within the next few months, aka setting it as one of my goals because I miss the feeling of getting lost in my writing and the moments of fierce enjoyment as I both excite and torture my audience (all authors enjoy the moments of torture; those who say they don't are liars who lie).
A quick question for y'all: I've been considering starting a fanfiction-centered Youtube channel or an audio channel of some sort (I'm starting audiobook narrating and would love to practice on my own fanfictions). Would that be something that you guys would be interested in viewing/subscribing to? Or should I stick to my lane of strictly writing/posting my writing on this platform? Any and all thoughts on the subject are welcome!
Thank you for reading, my dears, and I hope all of you are doing well and thriving! See you soon in the form of an update!
All of my love,
- Sapphire-Raindrop