Chapter Eight

Everybody has their insecurities. That certainly doesn't justify crappy behavior, but does, to a certain degree, explain it.

Over the Christmas holidays during their second year, Draco was invited to the Parkinson's residence for brunch. He was thrilled to see Pansy, and they spent a lovely morning catching up. When they were called down to eat, they hurried into the dining room. Mr. Parkinson was already there, engrossed in his newspapers while working his way through a mound of scrambled eggs. Mrs. Parkinson sat by his side, long red nails flashing in the light as she flipped through a magazine. However, once they stepped inside, she looked up sharply.

"Pansy! Your contour! It's not blended properly!" she shrilled.

"Sorry," Pansy mumbled.

They sat at the table and began to eat. More accurately, they tried to eat. After a quick yet incredibly saccharine greeting to Draco, she turned to her daughter, scolding her. Draco couldn't understand the Cantonese she spoke, but he did hear occasional words of English, and based on what he heard, it wasn't pretty. "Grades" was mentioned frequently, along with "careless" and "wasting time." Through it all, Pansy stared stonily at the slices of melon on her plate, but when the word "pug" was uttered, everyone stilled.

For a moment, Draco thought that she'd retaliate and protest, that she'd storm from the room and slam the door. But her head sank even lower, and shame was written clearly over her face.

After the meal, they headed back to Pansy's room, but something had changed. She laughed and smiled and seemed completely fine on the surface, but Draco noticed that her jokes had become sharper, her comments more piercing.

Pansy had a notorious reputation in Hogwarts. She was fashionable and popular, witty and clever. This earned her admiration from her peers, with plenty of girls from their year and the year below them vying for her attention. At the same time, she incited fear. A normal day consisted of Pansy throwing out at least three barbed insults, and something was wrong if a week passed without anyone crying because of her words. Anyone who dared cross her would live to regret the day they were born, because the wrath of Pansy Parkinson was a thing of unimaginable terror.

Admittedly, Pansy's face was slightly pug-like, but she was still really pretty in a striking way. Her grades weren't the best, but they weren't terrible either. However, her mother's criticism and the shame that followed remained all too vivid in his mind, and he understood the reason behind her cruelty. With Mrs. Parkinson pointing out her flaws so harshly, it must have been impossible for her not to be aware of her flaws, and in order not to draw attention towards them, directed it towards others, criticizing her peers so that they could be laughed at instead of her. To hide her insecurities, she exposed those of others instead.

After the Christmas holidays, they returned to school. A few students from Beauxbatons, another prestigious school in France, came for a week as a part of an exchange program. Several Hogwarts students were selected to show them around, and of course, Blaise and Draco were a part of the team.

Draco remembered seeing the students arrive, tall and beautiful and dressed impeccably in pale blue uniforms. Every Hogwarts student was also dressed immaculately enough, but every Beauxbatons student seemed to emit an aura of elegance and pride that made their Hogwarts counterparts seem sloppy and tasteless. Fortunately, Draco wasn't one of those. He lifted his chin and smiled charmingly, ready to greet them, when he caught a glimpse of Blaise.

Usually, Blaise was cold and aloof, his nose in the air and seeming as if he was superior to everybody around him. Now, despite his best efforts to hide it, nervousness was written all over his face. A rather good-looking Beauxbatons student with deep auburn hair strode over, introducing himself. When it was time for Blaise to return the salutations, his face was crimson and he spoke hesitatingly.

As Draco greeted his partner, and they headed down the halls together to tour the castle. Through it all, Draco found himself musing. He had never seen Blaise so flustered before – not before the final exams, not before lacrosse games, and not even when he was once caught doodling during class and sent to the professor's office. Who knew that Blaise was so shy? Thinking back, he lingered only around Draco and Pansy, and had no other friends. He hated group projects with a burning passion, and never initiated conversation. The only thing he did was to strut about, so high and proud… who knew? Perhaps his prideful demeanor and aloofness was his way to hide his insecurities.

And for Draco? That night, as he lay in his dorm room, he heard the sound of tossing and turning from the four-poster bed to his right, and faint snoring to his left. Back at the Manor, he could only sleep in absolute silence, but in Hogwarts, he not only tolerated but even found the sound of his roommates stirring comforting… he realized that his insecurity was loneliness.

A few weeks ago, he was heading on his way out from the restrooms when he saw a breathless boy run up to him, cheeks flushed. Draco recognized him as a familiar face in the crowd of admirers that constantly lingered around him, Pansy, and Blaise, but couldn't remember his name.

"Draco!" the boy said enthusiastically, beaming, but there was a slight tremor in his voice.

"Hello," Draco said courteously. "You are…?"

"I'm Graham Montague," he said. The smile wavered, and he looked slightly nervous. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Draco replied.

"My father's company… it's been struggling," Graham said in a rush. "He really needs a loan, and he's already asked your father, but he wasn't able to get the money. I'm wondering, would it be possible for you to ask your father if he could loan some money to mine? I promise you that we'll be able to pay you back, along with all of our debts!"

Draco took a step back, confused. Loans? Debts? What in the world was that?

"I'm sorry," Draco stammered. "If Father turned you down, I'm afraid I'll have to turn you down too."

"Please," Graham's smile strained. "I'm your friend, Draco. I've been friends with you since the moment we stepped into Hogwarts. Can't you do this as a favor to a friend?"

"Draco!" Pansy appeared, hurrying down the hall. "We're going to be late to class!"

"Right!" Glancing at his watch, he realized that his next class was about to begin. He turned to Graham and said dismissively, "I'm afraid I won't be able to help you."

Graham's face changed. A moment earlier, he was smiling and amicable, but the moment he heard Draco's final decision, it was replaced immediately by a look of such hatred and disgust Draco thought his eyes must have been playing tricks on him. He stumbled, shocked, but before he could dwell on it, it was gone, and Pansy had already grabbed his hand and dragged him down the hall. He glanced back, wanting to be sure, but Graham had left.

After class, he told Pansy and Blaise what happened. Fear twisted sickeningly in his stomach. Everybody adored him. There was never an empty seat beside him, everybody strove for his attention and approval, and everyone wanted to be his friend. He thought that it was because he was clever and likeable and fun to be around. His family might have been what drew people to him, but his personality surely must have been what caused everybody to stay, right? But Graham kept on mentioning Father. Yes, Father was an important man, but what if… what if everybody wanted to be friends with him because of Father and not because of him?

Pansy reassured him immediately, telling him that he was one of the most interesting and charming people to be around, and that Graham was nothing but a greedy little rat desperately seeking attention from people out of his league. A few other friends overheard the conversation, and told him that they would make Graham pay for his insolence. Through it all, Blaise nodded in silent approval, his eyes glimmering. As they made their way to their next class, Draco was happy, surrounded by his friends, but at the same time, a little sliver of fear lingered in his heart.

He grew up isolated and alone at the Manor. Father was a busy man, and Draco was sure he tried his best to make it home every evening, but the fact remains that he doesn't see Father too often. Mother was always with him, helping him with his homework or hovering around, and while her company was lovely, he did grow tired of her at times. He never truly realized how lonely he was until he arrived at Hogwarts, where the hallways were always filled with the sound of footsteps, the library with fluttering pages, and the great halls flowing with conversation. Where he had Pansy and Blaise, and a hundred other friends around him, ready to support and encourage him. After his first year, he dreaded going home, fearing the empty corridors and icy silence and being completely alone.

Graham never spoke to him again. He sat as far away from Draco as possible, refusing to make eye contact, but whenever they did happen to run into each other, there would be nothing but cold neutrality in his gaze. Once the semester was over, Draco was almost glad that Graham left Hogwarts, but at the same time, he remembered. He could still see how instantaneously Graham had changed from being an adoring friend to a complete stranger, and a part of him feared that other friends would do the same. That he might someday find himself at Hogwarts walking down a silent hallway, eating his meals by himself, shunned by his friends, all alone…

It became his insecurity. His jokes became crueler, because those incited the most laughter, and the more people laughed with him, the more they wanted to be with him. He became colder and prouder, his air of arrogance making him appear unattainable, but the more seemingly unattainable he was, the more attention he attracted. He surrounded himself with people during mealtimes. He clustered his friends around him in class. He marched down hallways with an army of admirers.

He could never be alone.

It was during their third year when Draco became enemies with Harry Potter.

Admittedly, they weren't on the best of terms to begin with, but they didn't hate each other outright. They definitely smirked in class whenever the other answered a question incorrectly, and they both definitely made plenty of snide comments about each other with their friends. They certainly didn't like each other. But they didn't hate each other. Until, of course, the Buckbeak incident.

Everybody knew of Potter's friendship with Hagrid. He and his friends were often seen heading over to the groundskeeper's hut for tea or greeting each other heartily whenever they passed each other in the courtyards. Honestly, Draco had no idea what Potter saw in him. Hagrid was an oaf, brutishly huge with a rough accent, clearly uneducated, and fit for nothing more than keeping the grounds, which was why he was stunned when Headmaster Dumbledore announced on the first day that Hagrid was to be their new Animal Behavior and Welfare teacher. Potter and his friends were delighted, of course, but Draco was in dismay.

"What?" he spluttered. "This is some sort of a joke, isn't it? What could this stupid oaf even teach us? How to use a lawnmower?"

Draco wasn't alone in his sentiments. His friends snickered in agreement, muttering darkly, and even before they arrived at the Slytherin dormitories for bed, even Draco couldn't help but to feel a pang of pity for that poor lumpish fool. They were going to give him hell.

The next day, rather than heading to the classrooms, they crossed the grounds to Hagrid's hut. Already, Pansy and a few other girls complained about how their designer shoes were ruined from the morning dew, and a few boys grumbled about the long walk and wasted time. They arrived ten minutes late. Potter and his friends, who had no doubt arrived much earlier, glared at them angrily, but Hagrid didn't seem to mind.

"Gather 'round, gather 'round," he boomed cheerfully. Draco smirked. He wondered how long it would take for that silly grin to disappear.

Hogwarts was famous for its horseracing, and a large portion of the campus was dedicated to a racing field and track. Hagrid's hut was located right next to a meadow where a dozen horses grazed on the grass. Usually, the horses would be scattered about, but this time, they were clustered on the far end of the field, gazing warily across, not at the gathered humans but instead at a massive grey stallion tied to a fence, snorting and stamping.

"Meet Buckbeak." Hagrid said proudly, stepping over to the creature.

"Buckbeak?" Draco scoffed. "Who in their right mind would name a horse Buckbeak?"

He expected to hear a few snickers in agreement, but he was met only with silence. Everybody was staring nervously at the stallion. Since he was too busy sneering at the name, he hadn't taken a good look, but now that he did, he couldn't stop himself from taking a step back. Buckbeak was huge, his coat dull and grimy, and absolutely furious. Seeing the crowd, he whinnied, yanking at the rope tied to his halter, tossing his matted mane and rolling his eyes fiercely at them.

"I rescued 'im last week from the wilds. He migh' seem a little spirited, but once 'e warms up to yeh, he'll be calm as you please," Hagrid promised, heading up to the Buckbeak. Perhaps recognizing Hagrid as a friend, the stallion calmed, even allowing Hagrid to stroke its back, but still watched the students distrustfully.

"All yeh need to do is to step up where 'e can see yeh and approach real slow. Once 'e sees that yeh're no threat, you'll be able to touch 'im and once you get familiar enough, 'e might even let you have a ride!" Hagrid said. He glanced at the crowd expectantly. "Any volunteers?"

Everyone glanced at their shoes. Hagrid's face fell. Well, what did he expect? Nobody in their right mind was going to want to get their hands bitten off by a rabid horse. Draco was about to let him know that when a figure stepped out from the crowd.

"I'll go," Potter volunteered.

"Thank yeh, 'arry," Hagrid said gratefully.

There was a bushel of apples by the fence, and Harry picked one up. He approached, the wind ruffling his dark hair, and his green eyes were vivid with determination. Everyone watched him, holding their breaths. Buckbeak skittered back, huffing loudly, but Potter reached out slowly with the piece of fruit, every movement careful and gentle. Seeing that he meant no harm, Buckbeak stilled, lowering his head, and accepted his offering with a satisfied crunch.

"Excellent work, 'arry," Hagrid said proudly.

Harry beamed as he stepped back. Ron slapped his shoulder with a grin, and Hermione laughed with delight. Everyone around him hummed in approval, awed by his courage. But to his surprise, his friends looked impressed as well, sneaking little glances at him, and Pansy… even Pansy was nodding in admiration!

"What's so excellent about that?" Draco sneered. His voice rang high and cold. He scooped up an apple and strode up to the horse. Buckbeak shied back, but he forced himself to stand still and wait. Slowly, sensing that he wasn't a threat, the stallion stepped forward and took the apple from his palm. However, the crunch sent a spray of saliva and juice splattering onto his hand, and he shuddered at the stickiness.

"You certainly think you're so terrifying, don't you?" Draco said disdainfully, shaking his filthy hand in an attempt to get some of the liquid off. "But you're really quite tame…"

Buckbeak whinnied in outrage and reared. Draco screamed. A piercing pain lanced through his forearm and he collapsed on the ground, howling. Hagrid was shouting, pulling the monster back, and he heard Pansy wailing in fear. People were shouting in alarm, scrambling around, and he convulsed on the ground, everything a blur of chaos and pain…

When the world came back in focus, he was in the hospital wing, tucked in bed with his arm heavily bandaged. Pansy was beside him, trembling with worry, and Blaise sat beside her, but rather than looking like his usual aloof self, concern shone on his features. Right at that moment, Mother and Father burst into the room. Mother was in tears, sobbing about how her darling had been mutilated, and Father's eyes flashed with rage. Once the hysterics were over, everyone took a step back, and allowed Father to take a seat by Draco's bed.

"Tell me what happened," Father commanded, his voice like ice.

Draco had seen Father disapproving and angry, but he had never seen him like this before. He was perfectly composed, his face a mask of calm, but there was something frightening cold in his features, something wrathful in his eyes. For a moment, Draco was afraid. Maybe he should lie. But Hagrid, that stupid oaf, had hurt him, and he wasn't fit to be a teacher anyway, so perhaps he deserved it…

Taking a deep breath, Draco told Father what had happened. And with that, everything changed.

Father took it to court. Buckbeak was to be killed for what had happened, and Hagrid was ordered to be fired immediately. Draco remembered testifying before the judge, feeling awfully small and pale as he retold the story from his perspective, afraid to look at Hagrid and Headmaster Dumbledore who stood at the opposite side, and awfully relieved when he finally stepped down from the stage. Thanks to Headmaster's influence, Hagrid was dismissed from his teaching position but remained employed at Hogwarts as a groundskeeper. And on the night of Buckbeak's execution, an accident occurred and the stallion ended up escaping back into the wild. Even though the conclusion of the incident wasn't what Father had wanted, a small part of Draco was glad.

Nevertheless, there was no going back. Ever since then, Potter loathed Draco with a burning passion. Every time they passed each other in the halls, those bright green eyes would be gleaming with hate. Every time points were taken away from Slytherin due to Draco making a mistake, Potter and his friends would snicker the loudest. Even though Draco knew that he was, in a way, responsible for this enmity, it was easy to hate Potter back. Within the week, they became the bitterest of enemies, arguing in the classrooms, mocking each other in the corridors, and once even a fistfight in the great hall.

Sometimes, Draco thought back to the incident, and wondered why he did it. What Potter did was really quite brave, and Draco would be lying if he didn't say that he was slightly impressed as well. But when everyone fell to their knees in awe of Potter's amazing courage, he couldn't stand it. He knew that his friends were loyal to him, that the admiration was temporary, but a part of him was terrified, fearful that they'd see Potter differently and perhaps, over time, would forget with him and want to be with Potter instead… leaving him alone…

So, Draco acted. He was hurt. Father was furious, ready to direct his wrath towards someone, and Draco dared not disobey. What happened, happened. And the result was the start of a bitter enmity between him and Harry Potter.