Author's Note: Hey friends! In this chapter, we will be moving forward in time and covering a greater amount of time than in past chapters.
Any dialogue that may sound familiar was lovingly borrowed from episode 15x09 :)
Big thanks to Abbie for listening to me whine about this chapter and for being an amazing encourager!
I also wanted to let everyone know that updates may take a little longer over the next few weeks. I'm in the process of moving, so most of my free time is going to be devoted to packing and unpacking. Once I get settled, updates will come a little quicker.
Thanks for all of the love!
[][][][][][][][][][]
Chapter 16
September ended, and October brought a beautiful autumn to New York City. As the weather began to cool, Elliot, Olivia, and Eli spent their weekends together outside as often as Olivia's schedule would allow. Elliot was very encouraged at the progress Olivia was making, sometimes going several days between flashbacks or nightmares.
Together they celebrated Elliot's birthday, and with Olivia by his side, it was the best birthday he could ever remember. Olivia had managed to get the afternoon off, meeting Elliot and Eli at the zoo, one of the little boy's favorite places. Later that evening, they had a nice dinner out with the rest of his children, followed by a movie at home to end the night, just the two of them.
It was simple, sweet, and exactly everything Elliot wished for.
Lying in his arms, Olivia quietly asked, "Was it a good birthday?"
"The best," he mumbled, his lips pressed against her head.
Olivia's head rose to look at him. "A zoo afternoon and an old movie make for the best birthday?" she asked.
"Spending the day with my girl and my kids makes for the best birthday." He smiled, cradling her face in his hand as he leaned in to kiss her. "Thank you for a really great day."
Olivia's huge smile made him weak, and he kissed her again. "I really love you," he whispered between kisses.
Olivia kissed him harder, wishing she had the courage to say the words back to him. But she knew she wasn't ready, and she couldn't say it before she felt ready. As she looked into Elliot's eyes, she knew he knew how she felt, and the smile on his face told her that he understood, and he loved her anyway.
Hopefully soon, she'd finally be able to fully tell him how she felt.
[][][][][][][][][][]
October turned into November, and all of the people closest to Olivia were increasingly encouraged by the progress she was making. Every day seemed better than the last, and although they all understood the trauma she'd experienced would never completely leave her, the old Olivia was slowly returning.
Olivia continued her regular sessions with Dr. Lindstrom, determined that even though she was improving daily, there were still a lot of obstacles to overcome. As uncomfortable as it was, he was forcing her to address pieces of her past that she'd stuffed deep down inside, including a difficult conversation about her parents. It was hard to verbalize her feelings about the two people responsible for her existence, but Dr. Lindstrom was able to assist her in putting words to her emotions, and somehow, she managed a few steps toward acceptance. Although she still had a lot to consider and discuss, she was able to see a little bit of progress.
[][][][][][][][][][]
The week before Thanksgiving, Olivia was called in for another private conversation with Captain Cragen. Before he offered his reason for the meeting, she'd been incredibly nervous, as a private one-on-one meeting with her boss usually did not hold good news. She'd been shocked when he made his announcement, and his congratulatory hug meant the world to her.
"Now, take the rest of the day off," he'd said, squeezing her tight before releasing her. "You've earned it."
"Thank you Captain."
Olivia couldn't wipe the smile off of her face on the drive home, replaying her conversation with her captain. As she got closer to her apartment, she pulled up a text to Elliot on her phone, grinning as her fingers tapped out the message.
'Meet me on the roof in 20?'
Elliot smiled as he read the incoming text from Olivia. Due to the increasing number of cases Olivia was working, it had been a couple of weeks since they'd gone up on the roof. While it was too early to watch the sunset, Elliot understood that something of importance must have had happened, and Olivia wanted somewhere special to share it with him.
'I'll bring the wine,' he wrote back.
Olivia laughed, tucking her phone back into her bag. She couldn't wait to give Elliot her news, and she also overwhelmingly felt it was time to ask him a very important question that had been on her mind for quite some time now.
This man meant more to her than anyone else ever had. Even though they'd spent two years apart, no one had ever entered her life and shaken it so deeply. She'd never before allowed herself to need someone, never wanted to need someone, but she needed Elliot. It had taken an unexpected separation and a traumatic event for her to accept it, but she needed him, and she was certain she'd never be able to live without him again.
When she opened the door to the roof, Elliot smiled as he walked over to her, greeting her with a kiss. "You're home early," he said, surprised to see her home at this time of day.
"We had a slow day, and Cragen gave me the rest of the day off," she said as she hugged him.
Elliot smiled, kissing the top of her head. "I am very glad he did. Come sit," he said, taking her hand and pulling her toward the blanket he'd laid down for them.
Olivia resisted, tugging his hand to bring him back over to her.
"What's going on?" Elliot asked, confused by her actions.
"Before we sit and have a drink, can I tell you some news?" Olivia asked shyly.
Elliot smiled at her, amused by her hesitance. Whatever news she'd received must have been exciting or some sort of accomplishment, as she typically had trouble receiving accolades or compliments. "Of course you can. Good news, I assume?"
Olivia nodded. "Great news. I think, anyway."
Elliot rested his hands on her hips. "Tell me," he pressed, impatient to hear whatever had her in this weird mood.
Olivia bit her lip and looked away briefly before finding his eyes again. "I passed my sergeant's exam."
"LIV!" Elliot shouted, scooping her up and spinning her around, overcome with excitement for her. Although there had been absolutely no doubt that she'd pass the exam, he was thrilled to hear her say the words, and he was filled with pride for her incredible accomplishment.
Olivia gasped as she was unexpectedly lifted off the ground, laughing as Elliot spun her around. While she knew he would be happy for her, the level of his enthusiasm was more than she anticipated. His support meant so much to her, and she felt so grateful for everything he taught her throughout their partnership and for his presence beside her now.
When he returned her feet to the ground, Elliot pulled her close and kissed her hard. "I am so proud of you. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that you could do it."
Olivia slipped her arms around his neck, holding his face close to hers. "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you. Your support, El...it's everything."
"Sergeant Benson...I like it," he said softly as he kissed her again. She could see the mischievous look in his eyes, and she was unable to contain the giggle that slipped out.
Elliot quickly pulled back. "Did you just giggle?"
"Shut up," she said, giving him a gentle shove.
"In all seriousness, I'm very proud of you," Elliot said, pulling her close again. He gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear as he looked deep into her eyes. "Liv, you've worked so hard your entire career, and you've overcome more than one person should have to, and you've done it so gracefully and fearlessly."
He paused, choking back his tears as his thumb gently traced her jaw. "The time I spent as your partner was truly the best time of my life, and you taught me more than anyone ever has. I am so grateful to be back in your life, and I can't wait to see how you're going to grow as a sergeant. Your squad is lucky to get to learn from you."
"Thank you Elliot," she whispered, her eyes glistening with tears. "I owe a lot of this to you. You taught me so much, and you gave me confidence to do my job. You always treated me as your equal, even in the very beginning of our partnership, and you helped me grow."
Elliot pulled her close again, burying his face in her hair. "I'm so proud of you." When they finally pulled back, he wiped at both of their tears. "Let's celebrate tonight! We can get the squad together and go out for dinner or drinks or something."
"Not yet," Olivia said, smiling at Elliot's excitement. "Cragen gave me the news off the record, so I can't talk about it to anyone else yet. I was thinking maybe we'd have the squad over for dinner here, maybe one day this weekend? Before people start taking off for Thanksgiving? Would you be ok with that?"
"I'd love it. It'll be nice to have them here. In the meantime though, I'm taking my girl out to dinner tonight, wherever you want to go."
"El," she said, looking away from him as her face flushed.
"Come on, Liv," Elliot pressed. "This is big!"
"I appreciate you wanting to celebrate this, but I'm exhausted, and I'd rather just have a quiet night at home. Is that ok?" She watched Elliot's enthusiasm visibly deflate.
Elliot sighed. "Yeah, ok. I understand. I'm just excited and proud of you."
"I know, and I appreciate it so much, Elliot," Olivia said.
Elliot could tell there was more on Olivia's mind, something else she wasn't telling him. "What else?" he asked, slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her even closer.
Olivia rolled her eyes. "You read me too well. There is one other thing I've been meaning to talk to you about, for awhile now."
"Anything, Liv."
"It's…uh…it's about us."
Elliot felt a small wave of panic wash over him. Olivia seemed too happy to be breaking things off with him, but he couldn't imagine what about their relationship she'd need to discuss with him. Everything seemed to be in a really good place, and other than continuing their forward momentum, he wouldn't change a thing.
Olivia leaned into him, hiding her face against his shoulder, unsure she could say the words while she was looking at him. His hands instinctively began traveling soothingly up and down her back, and beneath his hands, he felt her take a deep breath.
"Move in with me," she quietly breathed against him.
Elliot's hands paused as he processed her words. "Are you serious?" he asked.
Olivia nodded, still not looking up at him. "Yeah, I mean…you practically live here anyway, but I think it's time to make this…us…official. And I…I'm happier when you're here."
Elliot fought back tears as he kissed the top of her head. He'd longed for this day, for her to truly acknowledge what they had become, for her to really admit that her feelings for him ran as deep as his feelings for her. When Olivia first came to stay with him in New Jersey, they hadn't put any time of time clock on how long she'd be there; "awhile" was all that had been determined.
When it became time for her to return to the city, her request for him to come and stay meant the world to him, and it extended their indefinite arrangement. Now, although nothing about their current day-to-day situation would change, there would no longer be a cloud of unknowns hanging over their heads.
This was real. Their relationship was real.
"I'd like that very much, Liv." He pulled back, his hands cradling her face as he tilted her head until their eyes met, hers again glistening with unshed tears, and he couldn't help the huge smile that returned to his face. "I'm happier when I'm with you too."
His nose gently brushed against hers before he kissed her deeply. "Thank you," he whispered as he kissed her again.
"I'm glad you're here," Olivia whispered back.
Elliot nodded, kissing her again. "Me too." His hands migrated to her waist, and he wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her tight against him. Their kisses intensified, and after a few minutes, they both knew they were getting carried away and needed to stop.
After one last kiss, they both instinctively broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other as they attempted to catch their breaths. Elliot smiled as his nose brushed against her jaw, as his mouth mad it's way to her ear. "I love you, you know?" he whispered.
Olivia nodded. "I know you do, and I'm so grateful for you, El." She kissed his cheek before stepping back, taking his hand as she pulled him toward the blanket. "Now, pour me a glass of wine."
"Yes Sergeant," Elliot said with a smirk.
Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're going to make this new rank a 'thing', aren't you?"
"Oh definitely," Elliot said as they lowered themselves onto a blanket. He poured them each a glass of wine before holding his out for a toast.
"What are we toasting to?" Olivia asked.
Elliot thought for a moment. "How about to new beginnings?"
Olivia smiled and clinked her glass against his. "To new beginnings."
As she sipped her wine, she couldn't help her mind from replaying the last fifteen years, their partnership, their separation, and their reunion. While she'd hoped for what they had now, she'd honestly never believed it would happen.
But he was here, and they were together. Officially.
Their new beginning was starting now, and she couldn't be happier.
[][][][][][][][][][]
Olivia was called in early the next morning, but after the incredible uninterrupted evening she and Elliot had, she couldn't complain. She quickly jumped out of bed before rushing to get ready to meet Nick at a crime scene.
"Don't go," Elliot mumbled sleepily, reaching for her as she walked past him to find her shoes.
"Go back to sleep," she whispered, quickly kissing his cheek.
Elliot grabbed her hand, pulling her close for a goodbye kiss. "Be safe, ok?"
"I will. I'll check in later."
Elliot kissed her again. "I love you."
Olivia smiled. "Bye El."
[][][][][][][][][][]
The case was difficult, and by early afternoon, Olivia was already exhausted. It was going to be a long day, if not a long week. After completing everything they could at the crime scene, it was time to go to the precinct to brief the captain and begin the next steps.
When Olivia and Nick walked into the squad room, they were both surprised to see a large bouquet of flowers sitting on Olivia's desk. She felt her face flush as all eyes turned to her.
It had to be Elliot. He was disappointed that she didn't want to go out last night, so this was another way of showing his excitement, by forcing her into acknowledging her accomplishment.
As Olivia reached for the card, Amanda said, "Beautiful flowers."
"Yeah they are," Olivia said, nodding. A smile crossed her face as she read the simple note.
'I'm so proud of you.
-El'
Nick elbowed her as he stepped up beside her to read the card. "Stabler's got it bad, doesn't he?"
"Shut up," Olivia said, nudging him with her shoulder. She set the flowers aside before taking her seat, rereading the card multiple times and brushing her finger over his name. If someone had told her a year ago that she'd be here, on the verge of being promoted to sergeant, in a romantic relationship with Elliot Stabler, she would've laughed in their face. This was truly the most unexpected turn of events that she could've ever imagined. She felt an unfamiliar wave of emotions fall over her, and there was only one way to describe it.
Love.
She was in love with Elliot Stabler, and he was in love with her.
[][][][][][][][][][]
A few days later, Olivia and Elliot had the squad over for the dinner Olivia had mentioned the night she told Elliot about her promotion, the night she asked him to officially move in with her. She was excited to open their home to her work family, and Elliot enjoyed seeing Olivia's enthusiasm about the gathering.
As the squad was arriving and the final touches were being made on dinner, Captain Cragen took a moment to talk with Olivia in the kitchen, out of earshot from the rest of the guests.
"I was surprised you invited everyone over," he said.
Olivia shrugged. "The last few months have been so…crazy and stressful, and now that Elliot and I have really had time to settle in here, and I'm back to my normal routine, we just wanted to have everyone over to say thank you for all of the support and love that everyone has given us. We need a little bit of fun."
Cragen smiled. "I think it is a wonderful idea, and I appreciate that you included both me and Eileen."
"Of course I would include both of you," Olivia said. "It's nice to finally get to meet her, and I'm thrilled you brought her. She's a good one, Captain."
Cragen looked over at Eileen, who was visiting with Melinda. "She's pretty special, and she makes me happy."
Olivia squeezed his hand. "I'm happy for you. You really deserve this."
"I assume Elliot knows about your promotion?" Cragen asked, changing the subject before things could get too emotional.
Olivia smiled. "I told him the afternoon that you told me. I knew I couldn't tell the squad, and I needed to tell someone. He's proud of me, and he keeps reminding me of that. Incessantly."
Cragen laughed. "I'm sure he does. If you'd like, you're free to tell the squad tonight. Everyone should get to share this news with you. It's a huge accomplishment, and I'm very proud of you."
"Thank you," Olivia said as he gave her a hug.
Elliot smiled as he watched Olivia and Cragen's interaction. He appreciated that he'd had taken care of Olivia throughout her career at SVU, grateful that she finally had a father-figure worthy of that title. When Cragen noticed him standing at the edge of the kitchen, he motioned for Elliot to join them.
"You two seem very happy," Cragen said.
Elliot smiled as his arm slipped around Olivia's waist. "Very happy. It's been really great being back in each other's lives."
He looked down at Olivia, his eyes asking if he could share the new development in their relationship. When Olivia nodded, he said, "We actually…last week, we made this, our relationship, official."
A huge smile crossed Cragen's face as he looked at his two favorite detectives. For years he'd suspected that there was more between them than just a work partnership, and since their reunion, he'd hoped something more would develop, and he was thrilled to see he was correct.
"I can't say I'm surprised. I always imagined this would happen, not quite under these circumstances, but this connection has always been too much to ignore," he said, gesturing between the two of them. Turning to Elliot, he said, "Just be good her. If not, you'll have me to deal with."
"Along with Fin and Amaro," Elliot replied. "But I have no intention of hurting or leaving her, not ever again."
Cragen hugged them both. "I'm happy for you two. You both deserve so much happiness, and I'm glad you found it with each other."
"Thanks Don," Olivia said. "It means a lot, especially coming from you."
Before retreating to the living room, he gave one last look at Elliot. "Take care of her."
"Will do, Captain."
[][][][][][][][][][]
The group enjoyed a wonderful evening together with an impressive spread of food. Everyone was even more impressed, and surprised, when they learned that Elliot was responsible for the preparation of a large portion of the meal.
When he was praised for his efforts, Elliot held up his hands and said, "Just a little sometime I picked up after retirement."
"Really?" Olivia quietly asked, realizing she'd never thought to ask about his cooking skills.
Elliot nodded. "Yeah. I'll tell you all about it someday."
When dinner was coming to an end, Elliot elbowed Olivia, asking if she was ready for her sergeant announcement.
"Go ahead," she whispered.
"Liv, it's your news."
Her face flushed a little out of embarrassment, uncomfortable at the attention she knew would come her way when her squad found out her news. Elliot could sense her discomfort, so he squeezed her hand. He tapped on his glass, getting the attention of the room.
"We have a little announcement to make," Elliot said. He glanced down at Olivia, giving her one last chance to share the news herself. When she nodded her head for him to continue, he said, "We've been holding onto this for a few days, but tonight Liv was given the go-ahead to share this news with all of you. Very soon, Detective Benson will instead be known as Sergeant Benson."
"Yeah!" Fin said, beaming with pride at his dear friend.
Olivia smiled, blushing as her squad and friends cheered for her.
"She placed number 48 on her exam," Elliot continued.
"48th out of 8000," Don said with a proud smile on his face. "That's impressive. That's my girl."
"Thank you all," Olivia said. "I wouldn't..." She stopped as unexpected tears came to her eyes. Elliot squeezed her hand as his other arm slipped across her shoulders. "I honestly wouldn't be here if it weren't for all of you. I'm so grateful for each of you."
Nick stood, unable to wait a second longer, and Olivia let him pull her to her feet and envelope her in a huge hug. When he finally pulled back, tears were glistening in his eyes as well. "I'm so proud of you, Liv. You're the best partner I've ever had, and no one deserves this more than you do."
"Thank you Nick," she said, trying to hold back her emotions at seeing his tears. "You're a great partner, and I'm lucky to have you."
"No Liv, I'm the lucky one here."
Nick stepped back as the rest of the group surrounded them to take their turns congratulating Olivia. As he observed the celebrations around him, he was unable to prevent his thoughts from drifting back to the moment he saw her in the beach house. Her body was broken, burned, and bruised, and the light in her eyes had vanished. A large part of him feared that his dear friend was lost forever.
But now, almost six months since that dreadful day, Nick felt a deep sense of peace come over him. While there was still work to be done and healing left to do, her physical injuries had mended, and the light in her eyes had returned. She was advancing in her career, and she was in a healthy relationship, and he was so, so thankful her life had been spared.
[][][][][][][][][][]
After everyone was gone and everything was put away, Olivia and Elliot curled up on the couch together to unwind for a few minutes before going to bed.
"This was a really fun night," Olivia said, snuggled deeper into Elliot's embrace.
"It was," Elliot said, twirling her hair around her fingers. "It was good to be with everyone, and it was good to be able to relax and just enjoy everyone's company. They were thrilled for you too."
Olivia smiled at the memory of the squad's excitement for her achievement. "Everyone was really nice about it. It felt good to have their support."
"They love you, Liv."
"I guess they do."
After a few minutes of silence, Elliot said, "Speaking of getting everyone together, we have been invited to Kathy and Paul's house for Thanksgiving."
Olivia lifted her head to look at Elliot's face. She was surprised at the offer, and although she hadn't really given much thought to Thanksgiving, she absolutely hadn't considered spending the holiday with Elliot's ex-wife.
"Really?" she asked.
"Really. I've gone every year since the divorce because Kathy and I agreed that it was important we keep up the holiday traditions for the kids. Liv, I know it's our first holiday together, but I'd like for us to all be together, if you're up for it."
Olivia silently contemplated his request. While the family dinner they'd had a few weeks ago had gone fairly well, she wasn't so sure about a holiday. Growing up, her mother hadn't celebrated in the traditional ways, and Olivia wasn't certain what a proper Thanksgiving would even look like.
Since starting at SVU, she'd always volunteered to work on Thanksgiving to allow Elliot to be home with his family. With her mother having no real desire to celebrate, she hadn't felt any guilt in spending the day at the precinct.
But a part of her had always wondered what it would be like to celebrate a holiday as part of a big family like the Stablers. She imagined a large meal and lots of laughter, and until Elliot asked her to go with him, she hadn't realized how much she really wanted to attend.
"I'll go," she said softly.
"Really?" Elliot asked. "I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you."
Olivia rose up to look at him. "I'm not feeling pressured. I think it's something I really want to do. I know the last family dinner we went to was a little awkward at first, but Elliot, I…I've never really celebrated Thanksgiving before, and I'd really like to celebrate it with you and your family."
Elliot smiled as he brushed her hair away from her face. He was thrilled she'd agreed to accompany him to Thanksgiving with his family, and he couldn't wait to show her what a family holiday could really look like.
"Thank you. It will be really special to have you there with me." He pulled her close until their lips met. "It means a lot."
"For me too, El." She smiled as he kissed her again, her excitement growing by the minute.
A real family Thanksgiving.
She couldn't wait.
[][][][][][][][][][]
When Olivia agreed to attend Thanksgiving with Elliot, she hadn't realized exactly what the agreement consisted of. Two days before the holiday, she came home to a large spread of groceries along their counter with Elliot moving quickly throughout the kitchen.
"What's happening here?" Olivia questioned, almost afraid to know the answer to her question.
"Oh hi," Elliot said, momentarily pausing his request to give her a hug and a quick kiss. "I went shopping this evening for all of the things I need for the dishes we're bringing to Thanksgiving."
Olivia felt a slight dread. "The dishes we're bringing to Thanksgiving?" she asked. "We're cooking? Elliot, I don't…"
"Breathe Liv," Elliot interrupted, smirking at the panic he knew she was feeling. "I'm not expecting you to do anything, but you're welcome to help if you'd like."
Olivia eyed the expanse of food across the kitchen. "I'll think about it," she finally said.
[][][][][][][][][][]
Thanksgiving morning, Olivia was surprised to wake up alone in bed. While she'd slept in a little, it wasn't an extremely late morning, and she was confused as to why Elliot was already up.
As she made her way down the hall, she could hear sounds coming from the kitchen, and she was surprised to see Elliot already hard at work preparing what appeared to be the dishes he'd agreed to bring to the family dinner.
Olivia slipped up behind him, and before she knew what was happening, Elliot scooped her up and deposited her onto the counter beside him.
"Good morning," he said with a kiss before returning to his work.
"Good morning," Olivia said. "Working on the meal already?"
Elliot chuckled at her question. "Yes, Liv, if we're eating by early afternoon, all of this needs to be prepped and ready when it's time for us to head over to Kathy's."
Olivia nodded, still slightly in disbelief at the scene she was observing. "Do you need any help?" she offered, unsure what kind of help she could actually provide.
Elliot handed her a cup of coffee and a bagel. "I've got it all under control, but I'd love the company if you don't mind."
"Sure," Olivia said, taking a sip of her coffee as Elliot returned to his task.
Silently watching him work, Olivia was surprised that Elliot was making multiple dishes to contribute to their holiday meal. She'd never known him to be a big cook previously, so she wondered when this newfound cooking ability had developed.
"When did you learn to cook like this?" Olivia asked, breaking their silence.
Elliot smiled as he continued his work, understanding this new hobby was unfamiliar to her.
"When I moved out to Jersey with my mom, I wanted to make sure she was eating well. I confided in my therapist about that, and she encouraged me to seek out cooking classes, so I gave it a shot. I took some basic classes, watched some online videos, and found some old cookbooks at my mom's house, and I actually really enjoy it. Something about cooking is really relaxing, and it helped me be able to help my mom in that way. It helps me to help you like this too," he said, finally looking over at her, a big smile on his face.
Olivia reached for his hand, and when he extended it to her, she tugged until he was standing between her knees. Releasing his hand, she slipped her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer.
"I appreciate everything you've done for me. You've taken such good care of me, and I feel like I don't tell you enough how grateful I am for every single way you've helped me over these last six months."
"You don't have to thank me. I'm happy to do it, and I'm just grateful you're letting me."
Olivia pulled him into a deep kiss, hoping he felt how much she cared for him. "You're a good man, Elliot Stabler," she whispered as she kissed him again.
Elliot smiled into her kiss and softly said, "I love you a lot, Olivia Benson."
[][][][][][][][][][]
Just like their previous arrival for a meal at Kathy's house, Eli met them at the front door, thrilled that his father and his friend were joining the rest of the family for the holiday. He threw his arms around Olivia, nearly knocking her to the ground before insisting on helping Elliot carry in their meal contributions.
"Dad! The whole family is together for Thanksgiving!" Eli excitedly said as they entered the house.
"You're right, buddy," Elliot said. His eyes lifted to meet Olivia's. "It's going to be an incredible day."
[][][][][][][][][][]
Over the next hour, Elliot's older children began arriving, and they were all happy that Elliot and Olivia had joined them for the holiday. While Elliot helped out with the meal preparation, Olivia spent time catching up with each of his children. It felt nice to be able to learn more about their lives during the two years she was out of contact with them. At times it was hard to believe how much they'd all grown up in those two years, and Olivia regretted that she didn't try reaching out to them during that time. While she'd maintained distance out of respect for what she assumed their father wanted, she truly missed the children she'd grown to love so much.
When the meal was nearly complete, Elliot left the kitchen to seek out Olivia, needing to check in and make sure the day hadn't become too much for her so far. Upon finding her in the living room playing a card game on the floor with Eli, he stayed back to watch the scene for a few moments. No matter how many times he'd observed Olivia's interactions with his youngest child, he was still blown away by their close bond, and every time it deepened his feelings for her.
As Eli rushed off to find another game, Elliot decided it was safe for him to check in with her.
"Doing ok?" he asked, joining her on the floor.
"I'm good," Olivia said, smiling at him. "It's just…"
"A lot. I know," Elliot chuckled. "They can be loud and crazy sometimes. I know you're used to Eli's level of rowdiness, but having all five together is even overwhelming for me sometimes."
Olivia leaned into his side as he slipped his arm around her. "But I like it. I…always wanted this. I wanted lots of siblings and the loud, fun holidays full of family. This is nice, El. I appreciate you bringing me along."
"Of course," Elliot said, kissing the top of her head. "I'm glad you're here too. So is Eli. I'm surprised he hasn't locked you in his room with him to keep you all to himself."
Olivia laughed. "Kathy told him he wasn't allowed to keep me away from the family today, and that he'll get his alone time with me this weekend."
Just then, Kathy announced that everything was ready and everyone could come to the table. Once again, Eli insisted on sitting next to Olivia, and she placed herself between the little boy and his father. She couldn't help the smile on her face as everyone joined hands to say grace before beginning to eat.
This was exactly what she'd always dreamed about, the kind of holiday she'd seen in the movies and longed to experience herself. It was also an experience she feared she'd missed out on with her own family, since she'd yet to have children of her own. While she still thought her chance at being a mother was probably gone, maybe she'd continue to participate in family holidays with Elliot's children, and maybe that would be enough.
Olivia also admired the way that Elliot and Kathy had worked to keep up some holiday normalcy for the children, even after their divorce. They seemed to be extremely successful in their co-parenting abilities, and she knew the continuity for their kids helped to ease the pain of their family's split.
As the family began to eat, Olivia sat back and enjoyed the food, the company, and the love she was surrounded by.
[][][][][][][][][][]
As the meal came to an end, the room filled with the sound of Olivia's phone, and she pulled it out of her pocket. She was a little confused to see Barba's name, as he wasn't one to call his friends on a holiday. He wasn't one to even celebrate a holiday.
"Excuse me," Olivia said as she stood from the table, walking to the living room to take the call a bit more privately.
"Rafael. Happy Thanksgiving," she said, answering the phone.
She heard his hesitation before he spoke. "Hi Liv. I, uh...this isn't a social call."
"What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly overcome with fear over whatever news he was calling to give her.
As she listened to the details of the call, her breathing became more difficult, and she quickly realized that a panic attack was inevitable. She tried to process the information Barba was providing, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as it became harder and harder to breathe.
When the call finally came to an end, Olivia was barely able to remain standing, trying to breathe while trying to fight off the flashbacks that were demanding space in her mind. 'Not today,' she thought to herself. Dropping the phone, she pressed both hands into the wall, resting her forehead against it as she fought for air.
After a few minutes, Elliot began to wonder what was taking Olivia so long to return. Barba wasn't one for a long, drawn-out conversation, so he was slightly concerned by Olivia's absence. Just as he started to go find her, Lizzie quietly said, "Dad." When he looked up at her, she pointed toward the living room, and Elliot was terrified at the scene in front of him.
Elliot rushed over, his heart breaking at the panic attack that was taking over Olivia. He didn't know who was on the other end of the phone, but he was filled with rage at whoever would ruin a holiday with traumatic news, especially after everything she'd been through.
"Liv. Liv, it's Elliot. I'm right here. You're safe here, ok?"
Olivia nodded, leaning further into the wall as she struggled to get a breath. After a moment, she recognized that she was on the verge of passing out, so she held out her hand toward Elliot, hoping he could help her.
Elliot quietly said, "I'm going to take your hand now, ok?" When Olivia nodded again, he grasped her hand and felt her tug him toward her as her knees went weak. His other arm caught her under her arm and eased her down and into his lap. He leaned back against the wall as he cautiously cradled Olivia against him. Tears hadn't begun to fall yet, but she was shaking as her body desperately tried to breathe.
Elliot gently guided Olivia's head to rest against his chest, hoping the sound of his beating heart would calm her and help her defeat whatever fear or flashback that was fighting for control. As she tightly grasped one of his hands, his other one gently rubbed her back as he pressed soft kisses to the top of her head.
"I've got you, ok? I've got you. You're ok. I love you," he softly said over and over, concerned that it was taking longer to bring her back than normal.
After a few more minutes, Kathy quietly walked over to them. "Elliot, can I do anything?" she asked.
"Would you mind bringing over a wet washcloth?" he asked.
"Sure," Kathy said, rushing to get a cloth, feeling terribly guilty that she was at a loss for how to help.
When Kathy approached them with the cool wet cloth, before she could hand it over, Eli appeared from his hiding place around the corner and took it from her. The boy expertly folded the cloth and placed it around the back of Olivia's neck. Before walking away, he hesitated briefly, and then gently kissed the top of Olivia's head. Elliot felt tears well up in his eyes as he watched his son's gesture, and when he looked up at Kathy, she was wiping her own tears away.
After a few more minutes, Elliot could feel Olivia's breathing returning to normal. "Better?" he asked softly.
Olivia finally lifted her head to look at him, nodding just a little. "Better."
"Good," he said, finally relaxing himself.
Olivia began trying to extricate herself from his arms. "Elliot, I'm going to call a cab to come take me home."
"Absolutely not."
"I need to go home," she sighed. "I'm humiliated this happened here, and I just need to get out of here."
"Then we'll go home together," Elliot insisted. "I'm not sending you out alone."
"But it's Thanksgiving," Olivia pressed. "You should stay with your family." Her heart was aching at the thought of Elliot missing a moment with his family because of her.
Elliot brushed her hair behind her ear. It always hurt him when Olivia would try to diminish her place in his life, and now that they'd made their relationship official, it hurt even more.
"You're my family too, Liv. I'm not leaving you alone, not today, especially after what just happened." He removed the washcloth from her neck and wiped at her face. "Why don't you step into the bathroom and take a moment? I'll go let everyone know we're going home."
Olivia sighed, so frustrated that Lewis was stealing this day from them. "Ok." She felt tears well up in her eyes. "I'm sorry, El."
Elliot pulled her back into his arms, tucking her head under his chin as he held her close. "Don't be. You have no control over when things like this happen. I'm ok, and we're ok."
After a few more moments, Olivia scooted back out of his embrace, and Elliot rose to his feet, helping her stand. He kissed her forehead gently before guiding her toward the bathroom to have a moment to compose herself before seeing the kids. After the door closed, Elliot made his way back to the dining room to offer an explanation to the rest of the family.
"Dad, what happened?" Kathleen asked when he returned to the table.
Elliot sighed, brushing his hand over his face. "I'm not sure. I don't know who was on the other end of the call, but something about their conversation...triggered her."
"I'm sorry Dad," Lizzie said sadly. "Is she ok?"
Elliot nodded. "She will be, but it will take some time. I'm taking her home. She's upset about the call and about this happening here, and she needs to go, and I need to go with her. She can't be alone when it gets bad like this, and I need to figure out what happened during the call."
"We understand completely," Kathy said. "I'll pack up some food for you to take home."
"Thank you," Elliot said. He took turns hugging all of his kids as he waited for Olivia.
A few minutes later, he heard Eli's soft voice say, "Livia."
Elliot turned around, and Olivia offered him a small sad smile. Before he could reach for her, Eli walked over and gently slipped his arms around her waist. "I'm glad you came today, Livia. I'm glad our whole family was together."
Olivia smiled, reaching down to cradle his face in her hands. "Me too, Eli." She kissed the top of his head.
"I love you," Eli said, squeezing her one more time.
"I love you too, sweet boy." Olivia looked around the room at the rest of Elliot's children. "I'm so sorry, guys. It just...hits me sometimes."
"We understand. We're glad you and Dad were able to come," Maureen said as she cautiously approached Olivia for a hug.
"Thank you for having me," Olivia said as she hugged Maureen. "Today was the first time I've had a real family Thanksgiving, so I appreciate that I got to spend it with all of you."
Each of Elliot's kids took a moment to hug Olivia and reiterate how happy they were she came and how happy they were she and their father had finally acknowledged their feelings for each other.
After saying their goodbyes, Kathy walked with Elliot and Olivia to the car, her arms filled with containers of food for them to take home.
"I'm sorry for what happened," Olivia said to Kathy. "I never wanted the kids to have to see me like that."
"The kids are fine, Olivia," Kathy said. "You can't control when something triggers you. I hope everything is ok, and I hope that you feel better." She pulled Olivia into a quick hug.
"Thank you Kathy, and thanks for the food."
Minutes later, Elliot and Olivia were on their way home. Elliot didn't want to push her to talk about anything until she was ready, but he wanted to offer some kind of comfort and security if she needed it. He placed his hand palm up on the console, and without any hesitation, Olivia placed her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. Lifting their hands to his lips, Elliot gently kissed the back of hers several times.
"I love you," he said softly, his voice shaking as he fought back tears. Although he'd witnessed many of these panic attacks over the last six months, they never failed to break his heart all over again.
Olivia squeezed his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder as her other hand crossed over to grasp his arm, gently tugging him a little closer. "It was Barba on the phone," she said quietly.
"Liv, we don't have to do this right now," Elliot said. A part of him worried he'd crash the car if he got the news while driving, and a part of him wasn't sure he even wanted to know what caused such a horrible panic attack.
"It's ok," Olivia said. "It wasn't even that big of a deal, so I'm not sure why I reacted the way I did. He was calling about his…the trial."
Elliot sighed. "What about it? And why couldn't it wait until after the holiday?"
"There's one more motions hearing, and then the trial is starting. The hearing is December 27th and the trial begins January 2nd. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to us, huh?" she said, allowing her frustration to slip out. "Barba wants to start prepping me and the whole squad next week. Then in a few weeks, I…I have to see him again."
"What can I do?" Elliot asked.
Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. Just…just be here, ok?"
"Liv."
"I know, I have no right to keep asking you that. You've more than proven that you're here for me and that you're not leaving me. I'm sorry I keep asking you."
Elliot was grateful that the stoplight just in front of him turned red, giving him the chance to finally look at her. Unsure of what to say, he planted several kisses on top of her head.
As the light turned green, before driving away, he kissed her one more time and said, "I'm here, Liv. Whatever is ahead in the coming weeks, we'll get through them together. I promise."
"Thank you," Olivia whispered.
As they continued their drive, Elliot began a silent prayer, begging God to guard her, protect her, and give her strength to face the beast that tried to destroy her. Difficult days and sleepless nights were on the horizon, and but Elliot would remain by her side for all of it, no matter how hard it would be.
While Elliot knew she needed him in the immediate aftermath, he knew that as the next battle began, Olivia would need him more than ever.