Chapter 62

Christian

"I'll see you at lunch, sweetie, okay? It's just morning kindergarten. Just a couple of hours. Are you going to be okay?" Ana frets.

Today is Teddy's first day of kindergarten and Ana is on the edge of sanity. We spent the last week taking him shopping for school supplies, getting his backpack ready, brushing up on the school's programs and perusing his teacher's background check, and with every task, Ana seemed to get a little more twitchy. So much so that she doesn't seem to notice the other moms, and a few irritating dads who need to keep their eyes in their heads, staring at her at drop-off. Taylor and Sawyer are both scowling in every direction.

We became hot topics in the news again when Ana posted a couple of pictures from our vow renewal on Instagram. I admit, I had a moment of weakness and wanted to show off the beautiful creature that I get to do life with to the world. But the result has been a fucking annoying renewed interest in us.

The plus side is that it's decidedly put a stop to any lingering divorce rumors. Just try to take her from me now. I'm holding on with both hands.

"Yeah, Mommy. My friends are here," Teddy says patiently.

"Are you sure? We could just wait another year. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe—"

"Ana," I chuckle. "He's going to be fine. He's going to blow all the other kids away with how smart he is and make a ton of friends. Right, buddy?"

"Don't cry, Mommy. It'll be fun!"

"I'm not crying. Who's crying?" she says defensively, wiping her eyes. She pulls him into what is probably his tenth hug. "Okay. I love you so much. Have fun. I'll see you soon. If you need anything, have the teacher call me, okay?"

"Is this Theodore Grey?" A very smiley middle-aged blonde woman in a blue dress covered with math symbols addresses us. I've seen her before. I have a folder on her. She's squeaky clean, save for a string of parking tickets.

"Yes. Teddy," I answer.

"Hi, Teddy! I'm Mrs. Caldwell. I get to be your teacher! It's so nice to meet you," she says, getting down on his level, then looking up at us. "You must be Mr. and Mrs. Grey. I hope I'll see you at parents' night later this week?"

"Wednesday. Yes, I'll be there," Ana quickly answers.

"We'll be there," I amend. She glances at me with a smile. Outwardly, I'm keeping my shit together better than she is, but I'm just as gutted about Teddy growing up. I refuse to miss another moment.

"Is Teddy all ready to come inside and meet his classmates?"

"Yeah!" he answers, nodding excitedly.

"Okay, um, his snack is in his backpack. He's not really shy, but he's very family-oriented, so if he has a hard time, please feel free to call me. Does he have hand sanitizer? Did I pack that?"

She smiles kindly. "Mrs. Grey, I assure you that we all wash our hands as a class before snack and if there's a problem that requires your immediate attention, I will absolutely give you a call!" She leans in a bit closer. "Is this your first one?" Ana nods dejectedly. "Oh, honey, I promise you that he's in safe hands with me. You can bombard me with all the questions you want to on Wednesday night, I promise! Until then, we'll see Mommy in a few hours and tell her all about all the fun we had today, huh?"

"I gotta go, Mommy! I see my friends inside!" Teddy adds urgently. Come on, Ana, we can do this. Cut the cord.

She sighs and plasters on a smile. "Okay, okay, I'm not here to ruin your fun. Be good, I love you, Teddy bear. So much."

He throws his arms around her neck one more time. "I love you, Mommy."

I kneel down and open my arms for my turn. "Have fun, Teddy bear. I love you and I'll see you later. Kindergarten already? We're so proud of you. Go show them how it's done."

"I love you, Daddy!" And with that, he leaves my embrace and scampers right into the classroom without a backward glance. Mrs. Caldwell gives us one more polite wave, with an extra sympathetic look at Ana, and follows him.

I wrap my arms around her from behind and pull her against me, attempting to fend off the tears. "Baby, he's going to be great. He already knows a lot of the kids from preschool, the security here is enough to satisfy Taylor, and they have a greenhouse! He can work on his own plants away from home. And by the way, I packed the hand sanitizer," I add in a whisper, kissing her just below her ear.

She sniffles and reaches up to take my hand. "I know. He's going to be fine. Am I, though? I need time to slow down. He's growing up way too fast."

I deeply inhale in her hair and plant another kiss on it. "Well, that we can agree on." I glance around and see that our little moment of PDA has garnered some more attention. Jesus. Take a picture, it'll last longer.

"Okay… I know you need to get to work. If we can make it out of here without slipping on the puddles of drool," she adds with an eye roll. Ah, so she does notice.

I take her hand and nod at Taylor and Sawyer, and they start walking us back to the car. "No, I don't. I took the morning off to spend it with my wife, who is adorably losing her mind."

She turns to me with a big smile. "You did? Oh, you didn't have to do that. I was going to spend the morning making Teddy a cake for his first day."

"Then that's what we'll be doing."

"Oh, really? You're going to help me bake? That should be fun. I would probably be better to ask Phoebe."

"I'm going to hang out with you while you bake and entertain you with my sparkling company. And maybe I can turn the oven on," I joke. Taylor pulls the car away and I glance over at the rest of the parents, most of whom are still gaping at us and ignoring their children. "All those dickless dads are going to go to bed tonight wishing they were me," I mutter.

"Are you kidding me? All those moms are going home to change their panties just because you breathed the same air as them."

I shake my head and raise her hand to my lips. "Not you, though. You must be immune to all my charms by now." She gives me a strange look, then reaches over and puts up the privacy screen. I smirk. "Whatever could we need privacy for, Mrs. Grey?"

She takes my hand and guides it down between the apex of her thighs, which is indeed damp even through her jeans. "On the contrary… I know exactly what they're missing, which makes me anything but immune."

The change in her voice and demeanor is like she's directly addressing my libido. "Well… it would be a shame if you had to wait until we get all the way home. What kind of husband treats their beloved like that?"

"Certainly not this one," she challenges. I unbutton her jeans, pull the zipper down, and stick my hand in, reveling in her immediate gasp of pleasure as my fingers make contact with her most sensitive spot. No, certainly not this one… "Oh, Christian!"

The elevator doors open, and I step into the foyer at Escala with a smile. Today is a very big day. A day that I can't quite believe I'm actually seeing, let alone feeling happy to see.

Hughes said that if we could swing a solid four weeks of marital harmony, that's when it would be time to move on. And that means that today is our last day of couples counseling.

There was a time that I thought if we ever reached this point, it would be because Ana had decided for once and for all to divorce me. But I can't honestly say that I fear that anymore.

Something has shifted between us since we renewed our vows. It's as if our collective consciousness just knows that we'll be okay. Knowing everything she knows, seeing the worst of me as she has, she still chose me again. She said yes again. She keeps saying that one day I'll see that she's not trying to leave, that as long as I stay, she stays. And she's right. Every night that I fall asleep next to her, every morning when our kids climb into bed with us, every time we make love, every day that passes that we still choose each other, I feel a little safer. I think it'll take some time to feel truly comfortable… if I'm even capable of that. But I don't wake up every day expecting this to be the one that she finally files.

Teddy is thriving at kindergarten; he loved his surprise chocolate cake, for which I really did turn on the oven, and meeting with his teacher went wonderfully. Phoebe starts preschool next week… I'm coming armed with tissues this time. Ana spends her days getting her business off the ground and drafting new material. I spend time at the office, but no more than absolutely necessary. I just have no drive to be there when there's so much time to make up for with the ones I love the most. We're… happy.

Even this place is no longer the tower that I'm exiled to. It's the place where we go to make sense of things. It seems that we've rewritten the history of so many unpleasant things, the good overpowers the bad everywhere we turn, to the point that we're ready to start life without joint therapy twice a week.

I hear the elevator arrive again, and I take off running to meet it. Just as she steps out, I pick her up and spin her around. Has it really only been hours since I saw her? I can't get enough.

"Ah! Whoa! What did I do to deserve this?" she squeals.

I set her on the table next to the vase of flowers and kiss her. "You agreed to be mine and let me be yours."

"Are you set on continuing the trend of giving Eric a borderline inappropriate show every time he steps foot into this place?"

"Sure, let's meet his expectations." She laughs and I push the flowers aside, leaning her back against the table. And right on cue, the elevators sounds.

"Ah. Christian and Ana, in their usual form," Eric says with amusement.

Ana sits up, her cheeks burning, while I try to wipe the shit-eating grin off of my face. "I'm so sorry," she says breathily.

"Nonsense. Believe it or not, I don't mind it when my couples like each other." We head off into the great room and take our usual spots. This feels so routine at this point, it's hard to believe it's the last time. "So… on that note, last time we discussed moving forward from joint therapy. I'd like to start with seeing how you both feel about that. Ana, can we start with you?"

She looks down at our hands clasped together and smiles. "Honestly… I never thought I'd see the day again where I could say that I wake up feeling secure and safe and… in love. And more than that, not afraid to be in love. But without question, I do. So, I think we got what we came here for."

He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the sides. "Christian?"

"What was once a very troubled love is now a partnership. I feel confident that as long as we use everything we've learned here in our daily lives, there's almost nothing we can't do as long as we do it together."

"Well, I'm so gratified to hear that. Of course, whether or not to discontinue this work is up to you, but I can say that I believe that you've met all the criteria I look for in a successful counseling experience. If I might share them with you, we could see if you agree?" We exchange a glance and then both nod. "Wonderful. The first is consistency. That's why I suggest a few weeks of stability before terminating. Do you still feel that your marriage has that?"

"Yes. We're doing fine. More than fine," Ana says softly.

"We are," I agree.

"Then the next is that the daily steps to enrich your marriage are a hallmark in your new dynamic. Both of you discovered that your love language is quality time. Do you still feel that that's a priority?"

"Oh, yes," Ana laughs.

It's true. We are officially date night people now. "Definitely."

"Perfect. And the past… it's not that we have to forget past mistakes, but we do have to learn to let them go. Do you feel that you've let go of the past?"

I think I stop breathing, because this is a question that I'm always hesitant to ask her. How much does she still think about what I did? She looks down at our hands again. "I certainly haven't forgotten it… I just have a new perspective. It doesn't make me doubt what's happening now. We both had so much fear back then that we could hardly stand to acknowledge… now I feel that we're in a place that I can choose to love you without fear, but with my eyes open." She shrugs and looks at me with sincere, relaxed eyes. "That's how I feel."

"Christian?" Eric prompts.

"The past…" I sigh. Honesty. "I can't say that the past never haunts me in the middle of the night. I can't say that I fully forgive myself for what I did to Ana, to our children, to myself by denying the reality of what happened to me. But I'll be damned if I let that stand between me and what I love again. I haven't forgotten… but it's not going to dictate my life now. I have no doubt about that."

Ana lifts our hands and plants a kiss on mine, giving me a watery-eyed smile. "Then the last one… do you feel like your relationship has a certain newness to it?"

Ana laughs to herself. "Ana and Christian 2.0."

"So much so that we had to get married all over again," I add. She beams at me, and for a moment, Eric could hurl himself off the balcony and I'm not sure we'd know.

"Well, then, I don't know what is left for me to do. And I don't mean that in a futile way, but in a hopeful one. You two have the tools to make your marriage work and you clearly know how to use them. Now, if other issues come up, I will absolutely remain a resource for you. If you need a session here and there, a tune-up, if you will, that's perfectly normal. Other than that, I have to say… I'm very proud of you both. You're star clients. The love between the two of you was obvious from the very beginning, but it's undeniable now. That's a dream for a counselor to see."

"Do we get an A in therapy?" Ana says lightheartedly.

He chuckles. "A+ and a letter of recommendation." He closes his folder. "Now, before we say goodbye, I'd like to hear from you what each of you plan to do going forward to preserve the progress you've made. Christian, we'll start with you this time."

"Besides what I vowed to you… I'll keep seeing Flynn and working through my own issues, no more hiding. I'll use the pause feature and respect when you do the same, and I'll prioritize fitting in our quality time. And… I'll try to take you at your word and accept the love you give me."

"Ana?"

"I'm also going to keep up with my individual therapy… I'll do my best to give you the benefit of the doubt and remind you that you're loved no matter what, I'll support you in whatever you want to accomplish, personally or professionally, and I'll be honest and open with you."

We break our gaze from each other and look back to Eric, who's smiling and nodding with pride in his eyes. "Well, then… Christian, Ana, it's been an honor to navigate this journey with you. I wish you all the best in what I'm sure will be your very long future together. Feel free to call me if the situation feels right. I trust that you can discern that for yourselves at this point."

"Eric, before you go… we had something we wanted to give you." She quickly squeezes my hand and runs into the other room to retrieve our gift from her bag. Eric looks a bit stunned, but it quickly softens to what I think is pleasant surprise. Ana returns in a moment holding a picture frame. "This is from our vow renewal a few weeks ago. You've met our kids, they always call you our 'smart friend.' Well, we thought you might like a reminder of what your help did for us. So, would you accept this picture of a family that you helped save?"

The picture is Ana and I, slow dancing surrounded by our family, both of our kids cradled in our arms between us. Elliot had just done something particularly idiotic and we're all laughing. Teddy was insistent on dancing just like we did in the "mommy and daddy movie," and it ended up with this photo that now proudly hangs in our home.

Eric looks at the photo for a few seconds, smiling pensively. "I would be honored. This would be a perfect addition to my office. Thank you."

With one final hug for Ana and handshake for me, this chapter of our life is closed.

Ana sighs and turns to me with a smile as the elevator doors close. "We'd better get home. The kids are waiting."

I brush her hair behind her shoulder. "Actually, they're in Bellevue." She cocks her head to the side. "You and I are spending quality time tonight, Mrs. Grey. We have much to celebrate."

"With you, Mr. Grey, there is always much to celebrate. But I'm so down. What are we doing?"

"Are you up for dinner?"

She smirks. "What private aviation did you acquire now?"

God, I love that smart mouth. "None. We'll be on The Grace, which as you know, I already own."

We step into the elevator, and she leans her head against my shoulder. "Do you think I should switch back to the shot?" she says casually.

I look down at her. "Is there a reason?"

She shrugs. "I bled less on it. The IUD was just so I never had to think about it."

"Whatever you want, baby."

"Well, that is what I want… someday."

I'm momentarily confused by her statement, but when it clicks, I whip my head around and she's smirking up at me. "You do?"

"I don't want to let fear stop me from having what I want… and I want another baby with you. I kept thinking about it, then trying not to think about it, then thinking about it anyway… and there's no denying it. Someday, I see our family growing. Even Teddy said that would be a good thing."

"Someday?" I repeat.

"I have no immediate plans to be knocked up. I need to adjust, maybe learn a little bit more about PPD… and I want to enjoy you and the babies we already have for now. Let us just keep figuring this out before we throw in a new element, even if it would be a very cute one."

I laugh and shake my head. "We do make pretty cute ones. But I'm completely on board with waiting and enjoying the moment." Besides, I have to read every book on postpartum depression first.

Taylor is waiting downstairs with the car. We hold hands on top of the seat. She looks out the window and I look at her. I'm still processing what she just said. I'm filled with excitement that the future could hold even more for us, but at the same time, a contentment that what we have is exactly enough. With her, I always want more, but I'm not chasing it. I don't need to. As long as we're together, exactly how we are, I know that I'll wake up every day with a chance to be happy.

"What are you thinking about?" she interrupts my reverie.

"I love you."

She smiles. "I love you, too."

I know.

A/N: I can't believe it! This is it! Well, sort of. Since this is the end of the main story, I'm going to mark it as complete, but I have outlines for three epilogues at different points in time. Question is, are you interested in reading three of them, or is that excessive? I'll definitely post at least one. If you are interested in epilogues, feel free to tell me what you want to know about their future and I'll try to consider that.

I have to thank you for all the support you gave this story. Some of you read and reviewed from the very first chapter, some of you joined in along the way, but no matter when you showed up, I'm so glad you did and it means so much to me that you gave this story a chance. Sometimes I still can't believe I really sat down and wrote something! I almost talked myself out of it so many times!

So, final thoughts? If you've never reviewed and you liked the story (or didn't like it), now would be a good time. If you talked to me during a low point (when I was getting the most trolls lol), I probably said I wasn't planning to write anything else after this, but I actually do have an idea for a new one, so I will probably be back and feedback on my overall abilities is appreciated. I eventually found a sense of humor about the mean comments :) I definitely won't be able to update as often as I did for this one in the future though.

Once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, and I'll be waiting to hear your thoughts on epilogues. Until next time! xo