AN: A mammoth chapter as a reward for your patience. vickyvicky890 and kathlyn4060, as always, thanks for your touching reviews. It's so lovely to find out that the story is making readers feel such strong emotions. There will be 2 more chapters to this story, and then we'll move onto the next part.
Enjoy!
Chapter 18: Changing tides (Missing Piece, by Vance Joy)
Hotch looked up at the *ding*, indicating the jet's descent into Quantico airspace, and he listened out for the pilot's announcement over the speakers. They'd been on this jet so many times before, he knew the routine like the back of his hand.
"Good evening agents. We're about twenty minutes out from landing and we'll start our descent in a couple of minutes, so we need everyone to please take a seat and buckle up so we can all get home safely."
Hotch reached over to strap his seatbelt on, but he stopped when he looked up and found Emily still sound asleep, her head resting against the side of the seat. He smiled gently, admiring how she had managed to fall asleep so quickly, and had managed to stay asleep even as the jet started to drop. He hated to wake her up, knowing that she'd had a rough few weeks and needed the rest, but she also needed to get ready for landing. He quickly slid out from his seat and, with a subtle look around the cabin to make sure that no one was watching, he squatted next to Emily. He reached over to gently rub her calf, waiting to speak until she opened her eyes.
Emily blinked a couple of times and looked over to Hotch, smiling softly in her mid-wake-up daze, and as she opened her eyes, she furrowed her brow.
"What's going on?" Emily asked, sitting up straight in her seat and looking out the window, "Are we landing already?" she asked, looking down at her watch… almost six… that would be why her stomach was grumbling. She figured she'd eat a granola bar on her way to her parent's place, and then she and Declan could pick up a pizza on the way home. Shaking her head at the thought of food and turning back to Hotch, she took note of the smile on his face, the sight warming her heart.
Hotch huffed and nodded, "We're about twenty minutes out," he replied softly, reluctantly removing his hand from her leg and resting it on the arm of her seat, "Time to buckle up."
Emily nodded and reached up to place a hand on Hotch's hand, squeezing gently and feeling a sudden urge to tell Hotch that she was ready to talk. She wasn't sure when, but she had finally come to a realisation during their time in Boise, that she wanted to try. Perhaps it was the fact that Hotch had a gun pointed at him earlier that afternoon, or maybe it was just that enough time had passed, and Emily was no closer to ridding herself of her feelings for him. She didn't know what the precipitator was, she just knew that her gut was telling her to give him a chance.
As much as he wanted to stay there, sitting next to Emily with her hand on his, they were landing soon, and he needed to return to his own seat. Hotch stood up slowly, sliding back into his seat and fastening his seatbelt, before he started to file away his belongings into his briefcase and sitting that on the floor under the table. The sooner he packed up, the sooner he could be off the jet and on his way home.
Emily kept watching him, trying to figure out a way to tell him... this was their moment. She was ready. He was ready. They were finally ready. She thought she could invite Hotch around to her place for their long-overdue conversation, and just as she opened her mouth to speak…
"Who's up for a drink?" Rossi asked around the cabin, "My shout."
Morgan and Reid were both in, the former also adding Garcia's name to the list while he eagerly sent her a text message with the details. Rossi looked over at JJ, who had taken the seat next to Morgan, but she shook her head and smiled sadly.
"Sorry, Dave," JJ explained, "My boys are waiting for me to get home."
Rossi nodded in understanding, before he craned his neck to the corner where Hotch and Emily were sitting, "And you two?" he asked, taking note of the expression on Emily's face as she looked expectantly at Hotch. He wondered if she'd been about to extend an invitation of her own, and he couldn't help but regret his timing. He'd been watching Hotch and Emily getting back into their rhythm with each other over the course of this last case, and he had sensed that things might be changing. About fucking time in his opinion, but as impatient as he'd been, it wasn't his life, so he'd kept his nose out of it... kind of.
"Sorry guys… I'm out too," Emily explained, "Declan's home from school this weekend, so I have to pick him up from my parent's house tonight."
Hotch shrugged and turned back to Rossi, giving him a nod, "I can probably stay for one drink," he replied with a smile, "I'm sure Jessica can stay with Jack a little longer."
As he turned back in his seat, Hotch reached into his jacket pocket and took out his cell, quickly typing out a text to Jessica, telling her that he'd be home a little later tonight. A response came back a second later, Jessica telling Hotch that Jack was indeed already getting ready for dinner, and not to rush home.
As he stuffed his cell back in his pocket, Hotch looked up and watched Emily's face fall. She had been smiling when he'd first sat back down, a sight Hotch never grew tired of seeing, and then suddenly she looked sad… crestfallen.
"You ok?" Hotch asked, watching Emily's face carefully for any signs as to the sudden change in mood. He felt like this case had been a turning point for them, proving to everyone that he and Emily were back in the groove they'd been in pre-Paris. Emily had been in good spirits when they'd left the station, and on the flight back she'd sought Hotch out for a conversation that wasn't case-related. It had made Hotch so happy to have her finding her way back to him, even if it was just to offer a sounding board for what was going on with Jack. But now... he noted the furrow in her brow and the downcast look in her eyes... she seemed withdrawn again.
Emily nodded and swallowed hard over the lump in her throat, her plans for the evening suddenly disappearing before her very eyes, "I'm fine," she replied, pasting on a smile for Hotch's benefit, "Just tired."
Hotch nodded and sighed, "Good thing it's the weekend then," he said softly, hoping that she'd reach out again when she was ready. Even if they couldn't be anything more, he still wanted to be her friend, offering that safe space where the normally stoic Emily Prentiss could feel free to fall apart. Before he'd had any romantic feelings for Emily, that was a role that Hotch had found pride in, that Emily felt like she could fall apart with him, without fear of being judged or pitied. He wanted to get back to that place with her.
Emily shrugged and bit her lip, trying to push back the emotions that she was feeling. She had finally felt like she was ready to talk, and now she wondered if this was the universe's way of telling her that it would never happen. She rolled her eyes at her sudden despondence, figuring that she really was tired, so her emotions were pretty well frayed to begin with. As her stomach grumbled again, Emily huffed, realising that fatigue and hunger were making her unnaturally pessimistic about her situation with Hotch.
Emily let out a sigh and she shook her head, figuring they would have other chances and just because she was ready to talk, didn't mean they had to talk tonight. She still had to figure out what she wanted to say. She nodded to herself, deciding that a planned approach was better than just winging it. She could take some time tonight, figure out what she wanted to say, and then organise for Hotch to come over for that drink and a talk.
Hotch felt the jet begin to drop and his stomach jumped at the sensation. He kept looking down at the one file that he had kept out of his briefcase, but he wasn't really paying attention to the words. He kept looking up at Emily, watching her face as she looked at the night sky outside the window, her face relaxing as they passed through the clouds.
Emily trotted up the front steps of her parent's house, making her way across the stoop and stopping in front of the large wooden door. She reached over and pressed the doorbell, glancing down at her watch and checking the time. It was a little before eight and Emily figured she'd stop for a quick catch-up with her parents, then she and Declan could pick up a pizza on the way home and pick a movie to watch.
She'd stopped by the office to finish her record of interviews and final report from the takedown, not wanting to tempt herself to work over the weekend. When she had time to herself, she'd gladly take work home, but this weekend she had Declan and she wanted to make sure he had plenty of time to relax. Even though he usually had plenty of school work to keep him busy on the weekends, Emily liked to find time for him to just decompress. She knew what it was like to be a high achiever, but she didn't want him to think that life was all about working hard. Both she and Tom had tried to instil in him a mindset that he needed to take time out for fun. It was a familiar approach that she'd taken to raising Zac, making sure that his natural inclinations to work hard didn't result in burn-out before he'd even graduated from middle school.
As the front door opened, and Elizabeth's smiling face appeared, Emily looked up and smiled at her mother. Elizabeth stepped aside to allow Emily to step into the house, and once the door was closed behind her, she pulled her daughter into a tight hug, against her will. As they stepped back, Emily furrowed her brow at her mother's bright attitude.
"What's up with the hug, Mother?" Emily asked, "It's a little…" her voice trailed off as she struggled to find a word to insert that wouldn't offend the Ambassador.
Elizabeth huffed and shrugged, "Can't a mother be glad to see her daughter?" she asked, leading Emily down the hallway and into the library.
Emily shook her head as she took a seat in one of the armchairs, her mother following suit, "I'm sorry… I'm just tired," she explained, reaching over and squeezing her mother's hand, "Of course it's lovely to see you too."
Elizabeth held up her glass of wine and tipped her head, "Would you like a glass?" she asked, "Declan and your father are upstairs playing pool, so you should have time for a drink."
Emily shook her head, "No thanks," she replied, sitting back in the seat and leaning her head against the side of the headrest, "I'm so tired even a sip would probably send me to straight to sleep."
Elizabeth watched as Emily stared at the flames in the fireplace, the warm light reflecting on her face. Emily certainly looked tired, but it didn't seem to be the typical fatigue she normally experienced on a case. It looked like Emily hadn't slept in days and there was a furrow in her brow that was deeper than Elizabeth had ever seen. After Aaron's visit the weekend before, Elizabeth had been hoping to see some progress on that relationship, but it seemed that her daughter had inherited the stubbornness of both of her parents... not the most helpful trait to pass on to the next generation.
"How was Boise?" Elizabeth asked, studying Emily's face, "I assume you all came back safe?"
Emily nodded and sighed, "It was difficult, but we got him in the end," she explained succinctly, feeling a sudden urge to change the subject, "How's Declan? Did he bring his science project home with him?"
Elizabeth smiled, "He did, and your father has been helping him with it all evening… they only took a break for dinner," she replied, taking a sip of her drink as she kept watching her daughter.
Emily chuckled, "That's good, I'm glad," she replied, staring into the fireplace again, her mind drifting off. She couldn't really help where her mind took her as she watched the flames dance, and a face drifted in front of her as it had so many times before. His dark brown eyes, that she could spend a lifetime getting lost in. His crooked smile, that she could spend a lifetime kissing. His dark hair, that she could spend a lifetime running her fingers through.
"Emily?" Elizabeth said a little louder, stirring her from her thoughts. When Emily looked up, Elizabeth repeated her question, "I was asking if you and Aaron have had a chance to talk."
Emily bit her lip and nodded, "Yeah, we did... about me staying with the team," she replied softly, furrowing her brow as she wondered who else in her family Hotch had grown close with in her absence. Her father had become his messenger; as far as Emily knew, Zac sometimes stayed at Hotch's place when he was in DC; and now her mother was referring to him as Aaron instead of Agent Hotchner. Emily shook her head to focus on what her mother was saying, not wanting to have to ask her to repeat herself again.
"You know I love you, Emily, and you are my priority…" Elizabeth shook her head, reaching over to squeeze Emily's hand gently, "… but in the last seven months, we've gotten to know Aaron and Jack very well. I know you've never asked for my opinion on your personal life in the past, and I know you will probably laugh at my attempt to provide my opinion now, but you're going to get it regardless."
"Mother," Emily warned, trying to interrupt, but Elizabeth held her hand up. Resigning herself to her fate, Emily let out a sigh and sat back in the armchair, picking at her nails and avoiding eye contact with her mother.
"I know your father and I always insisted on the importance of hard work and a commitment to your job, but I never taught you how important it is to be happy, Emily," Elizabeth said softly, squeezing Emily's hand, "I don't want you waking up in ten years' time, looking back on your life, and regretting that you didn't take a chance because you were too focused on chasing monsters."
Emily was silently stunned, staring at her mother as she realised that she'd just figured out exactly what she wanted to say to Hotch. She just had to find a way to get out of there and find him, so she could tell him everything she needed to say. Sure, she could wait until tomorrow, but waiting is what landed them in this limbo in the first place, and the sudden urgency Emily felt meant that she didn't think she could sleep on it. She needed to see Hotch now and see if they could make it work. Emily cleared her throat and stood up suddenly from her seat, turning back to her mother with a smile, "I'm sorry... Do you think Declan could stay here tonight?" she asked, pointing to the door, "I… uh… I have somewhere I need to be right now."
Elizabeth nodded and stood from her seat, placing her glass on the side table as she realised that this was it... the moment their family had been waiting for, when Emily would realise the opportunity that had been in front of her for the past month... actually, years. She turned back to face her daughter, pulling her into a hug and letting out a sigh.
"I love you, Emily Rose."
Emily huffed and kissed her mother's cheek, standing back and walking quickly out of the library and down the hall. By the time she reached the front door, she was ready to break out into a run. She climbed into her car and took a deep breath as she started the engine, her radio starting and playing one of her favourite songs, a smile firmly planted on her face. She reached into her purse, taking out the envelope that Hotch's letter had come in and sighing in relief when she found his new address embossed on the back. She pulled the car onto the main road and tried to fight the smile that grew on her face at the prospect of how the rest of this night might go.
Hotch dropped into the seat next to Rossi, watching as the others milled about the bar. Morgan was up at the bar ordering drinks for the team, while Reid and Garcia debated about the costumes they were planning to wear to the Dr. Who convention they'd just bought tickets for. It was months away, but they needed to plan these things if they didn't want to look like idiots… that part made Hotch chuckle out loud. They were missing Emily and JJ, but it was still nice to get out with the rest of the team. Hotch had spent so much time in his own head lately, and he hoped that a drink and some casual conversation with the others might help him escape his mind for a little while.
"So how are things going with Zac?" Rossi asked, waking Hotch from his thoughts, "Any improvements with him and Emily?"
Hotch shook his head, "No," he replied succinctly, "He's stayed with me a couple of times, but he hasn't spoken to her yet."
"Does she know?" Rossi asked, tipping his head to the side, "About Zac staying with you?"
Hotch nodded, "I've told her," he replied, "I wanted to be transparent with her... I don't want her to have any more reasons to be mad at me."
Rossi huffed and raised an eyebrow at Hotch, "What about being honest about the rest of it?" he asked.
Hotch frowned and shook his head, looking down at the table, "I've tried, Dave… I've tried so many times and in different ways, but she doesn't want to hear it."
Rossi sighed and bit his lip, "So you're just going to give up?" he asked, looking up as Morgan placed their drinks on the table in front of him, taking his own drink and making his way over to a table of women. Rossi was silently grateful that the others weren't witnessing this conversation, given how reserved Hotch normally was about his personal life and not wanting any barriers to giving Hotch a serve if he needed to. He was sick of watching these two dance around the issue, and he knew that the next step was for him to give Hotch a swift kick in the ass if one of them didn't make the first move.
"What else can I do, Dave?" Hotch asked, sitting up in his seat, "I tried talking to her in the office, I tried talking to her at your place, I tried writing her a letter… nothing has worked and…" his voice trailed off and Hotch shook his head as he wondered what to try next... if anything. Interactions like they'd had earlier on the jet gave him hope, but hope wasn't always enough. He wasn't sure how much fight he had left in him. He'd like to believe that he'd never give up on Emily, but she was making it clear that she thought he should.
"You know Emily, Aaron," Rossi urged, "She scares easily, and she came back to us after one of the scariest experiences of her life. You know her, and you know how to get through to her. And I think Zac and Jack and Declan are worth it… don't you?"
Hotch looked down at his drink, running his hand over the rim of the glass and letting out a sigh, "I do," he replied softly.
"Then get out of this fucking bar and go and talk to her… tonight," Rossi said, attempting for encouraging but sound more like a drill sergeant. He bit his lip and looked up at Hotch, watching his face for a sign that the message was sinking in, or that he might be ready to punch his friend in the face. Either option was fine with Rossi, he could duck and all he was really hoping for was to convince Hotch to make a move... any move.
Hotch's mind went over his options, thinking about his conversations with Emily since she'd been back, and for some reason, he went back to their interaction on the jet earlier that night. Emily had looked at him like she wanted to say something, but then she hadn't said anything. He wondered if that was it… if she was finally ready to talk and she had been trying to work up the courage to say something. Rossi's invitation for a drink had circulated around the cabin before Emily could saying anything, and Hotch wondered if that was it... the reason she'd gone from looking happy to looking sad.
Hotch put his drink down on the table and looked up at Rossi, unsure of what to say. He'd need to make up an excuse to tell the others, but right now his brain was only capable of working through the steps to get him to Emily. He applied his Emily-logic to the situation and came up with his first three steps.
Get out of the bar. Get in his car. Drive.
"Just go," Rossi said with a smile, "I'll tell the others that your kid's sick or something."
Hotch chuckled and nodded as he stood from his seat, "I'll see you tomorrow, Dave," he said quickly patting Rossi as he made his way around the table. As he started making his way out of the bar, Hotch's ears suddenly stopped working. The sounds of the music and the chatter became distorted, kind of like he was underwater, and when he stepped out into the relative silence of the sidewalk, he breathed a sigh of relief. The noises in his ears were coming from his heart beating in his chest louder and faster than usual. He was nervous at the prospect of how the rest of the night could go, but it was a good nervous... nervous anticipation.
Hotch practically ran to his car, jumping into the driver's seat and starting the engine quickly, reversing out of his spot and spinning the wheels as he took off. As he turned onto the highway, figuring he had about forty minutes before he reached the city, he thought it might be the time to think about everything he wanted to say to her. All of the things that he'd written in the letter, and so much more.
The bottom line was that he loved her.
Hotch loved Emily.
"I know you were right, Aaron, and I've had time to think and to process everything that's happened. And although one of my sons still isn't speaking to me, at least he's still speaking to you. I want you to know how grateful I am for everything you did… while I was gone and since I've been back. And I want to tell you that…"
Emily growled in frustration at the traffic, a seemingly placid Friday evening turned into a nightmare for commuters in DC. It wasn't a great distance from her parent's house to Hotch's new place, but a five-car pile-up was turning those fifteen minutes into an eternity, and even the calming music on her radio wasn't working. She reached up and turned the radio down as she rested her head against the back of her seat, taking a deep breath and trying to calm herself down.
Emily really didn't understand why she felt such this urgency all of a sudden, but the prospect of finally telling Hotch how much he meant to her, telling him how she felt about him, it suddenly seemed so important that the traffic was giving her heart palpitations. She couldn't even be sure that he would be home yet, since he'd agreed to go out for a drink with the others, but she figured one drink was all he'd agreed to and that was a couple of hours ago, so he should be getting home soon. If not, she'd jump back in the car and drive back to Quantico... if that's what it took to have this conversation with Hotch, Emily didn't care if she had to drive to Timbuktu.
Emily's car rolled forward, ever-so-slightly, her enthusiasm rising with every inch that her car moved. When she came to a complete stop again, Emily couldn't help the stream of expletives that escaped her mouth, and when she looked over to the car next to her and spied a small child staring at her, she was glad that her window was closed. Gradually, the traffic started to speed up until they were finally going the speed limit once more and Emily felt her heartbeat return to a normal rhythm.
As she rounded the final corner onto Hotch's street, she pulled up into a space on the curb and Emily double-checked the address on the envelope. Her heart began to race as she stepped out of her car, moving a little too quickly and getting caught in her seatbelt. She loosened the belt from where it was snagged on her wrist, and she slammed the door shut behind her. She ran over to the front gate, pushing her way through and racing across the yard and up the front stairs.
Emily stopped suddenly at the front door, giving herself a moment to breathe, before she pressed on the doorbell. She heard footsteps on the floorboards inside the door, each step causing Emily's heart rate to skyrocket, until she heard the sound of the lock turning. Looking up and preparing her speech, Emily's jaw (and heart) dropped.
"Emily," Jessica said, a wrinkle in her brow, stunned and unable to form more words. She shook her head quickly to wake herself up and offered Emily a smile, "Uh… what can I do for you?"
Emily found herself unable to form words herself, simply returning Jessica's smile while she thought about how to reply. As she opened her mouth to speak, her cell rang, but when she glanced at the caller ID, it just came up as *blocked number*. Emily let out a frustrated sigh and hit the red button, before she looked up at Jessica again.
"Hi Jessica," Emily said nervously, "Uh… is Aaron here?" she asked, unsure of how welcome she would be if she told the woman about her intentions. Emily had met Jessica a couple of times before, and she liked her. She seemed kind and caring, and certainly had a soft spot for Jack and Hotch. But she was also Haley's sister, so her allegiances to the Hotchner boys didn't mean she'd be happy for Emily to start pronouncing her love for them.
Jessica bit her lip and opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, Emily's phone rang again.
Emily rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration, hitting the green button and lifting the cell to her ear, "Who is this and what do you want?"
Hotch slammed his hand into the steering wheel, taking his anger out on his unsuspecting car as he came to a stop behind a truck. His commute had been going so well until he made it onto the main road running through their neighbourhood. It was just his luck, that on the one night he needed the roads to be clear to Emily's building, there was a multi-vehicle accident, causing traffic chaos.
Hotch sighed as his car rolled forward, feeling fairly safe in assuming that the rest of the commuters were just as frustrated as he was. Trying to shift into a more positive frame-of-mind, Hotch tried to tap into his gratitude, that he only had one more intersection to traverse before he turned onto Emily's street, and that he was on his way to tell the woman he loved that he wanted to wake up next to her for the rest of his life.
After ten minutes of breathing exercises and resisting the temptation to use his lights and sirens, the traffic eased up and Hotch stepped on the accelerator, speeding up hastily as he hit the next corner. Two minutes after that, he was pulling his car into the visitor's carpark outside of Emily's complex. He wasn't even sure that he'd locked his car before he started to run up the front steps of the building and through the front doors.
His journey slowed a little as he ran up the flights of stairs, grabbing onto the railing as he rounded each landing to stop himself from flying into the walls as he ran, and hoping he would have a chance to catch his breath before he saw her. When he rounded the final landing, onto Emily's floor, he ran the final few feet and came to a sudden stop outside of her front door.
Hotch brought his hand up to knock assuredly on Emily's door, then he stood back and waited. A few seconds passed and he tried again. He stepped closer to the door to listen out for any signs of movement inside the apartment, but it was silent. Sighing in frustration, and figuring it was just his luck that Emily wasn't home yet from picking up Declan, Hotch knocked again.
He reached into his pocket and hit the speed dial on his cell, waiting as the phone rang. He rolled his eyes at the sound of the voicemail message, telling him that this was Emily's new number and she hadn't saved numbers in it yet, requesting that the caller leave a message and Emily would return it as soon as possible. Hotch growled and hung up without leaving a message, staring down at his cell.
He wondered if he should try her parent's house, but he decided to just try her cell one last time before calling Simon and Elizabeth. He hit Emily's number again and waited, the phone ringing longer than the first time, and this time he heard a click.
"Who is this and what do you want?"
Hotch huffed and shook his head, "Where are you, Em?" he asked.
Emily paused and bit her lip, "I'm at your house… where are you?" she replied.
Hotch chuckled this time, leaning against the door, "I'm at your place…" he replied, pausing and looking down at his feet, "… great minds think alike, hey?"
Emily huffed and shrugged, "Depends what's on your mind," she replied, "You stay there. I'll be there as soon as I can."
Hotch was sorting through the photos and videos on his phone, deleting old crime scene photos that he no longer needed and reminiscing on others that he wanted to keep. A photo of him and Jack at the hospital, moments after he was born. A photo of him and Haley with Jack at his first birthday party. A video of Emily and Jack at the park, spinning around in circles until they dropped to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs. A video of Zac teaching Jack how to ride his scooter. A photo of Jack, Declan, and Henry playing in Rossi's backyard.
He heard the bell of the tenants service elevator ring and he jumped up from the floor, shoving his cell back in his pocket and watching as the doors opened. When Emily stepped through the doors of the elevator and spotted him, a grin grew on his face, and he watched as she quickly closed the distance between them. As soon as they were close enough, Hotch reached up to grip the sides of her face, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pulled her into a kiss.
Emily gasped when Hotch's lips met hers, her hands gripping his jacket as they kissed, years of waiting and longing and loving behind the act. Every word that she had rehearsed on the drive over, every sentiment that she wanted to express, flew out the window. Right now, the words didn't matter, all that mattered was this moment. Nothing else in the world existed except for the two of them.
Their lips held firm until their lungs were screaming for air, and as Hotch pulled his lips away from hers, keeping his hands where they were, Emily's breath felt heavy, her heart beating so fast she thought it might leap out of her chest.
"Hi," Emily said softly, smiling brightly as she moved her hands under Hotch's jacket and locking them behind his back.
Hotch chuckled, the dimples prominent in his cheeks as he leant forward again, kissing her gently, "Hi," he whispered back, bringing his hands down her arms and gripping her by the waist.
Emily looked at his lips, licking her own and feeling them chapped, gradually moving her eyes up his face until they met with his. She looked into his eyes and saw their entire future ahead of them, and for the first time in a long time, she wasn't scared.
She was excited.
"I think I love you, Aaron Hotchner," Emily whispered gently, squeezing his sides and bringing her hands up his chest, over his shoulders, joining at the nape of his neck.
"I know I love you, Emily Prentiss," Hotch replied, leaning forward again to kiss her gently, before he leant his forehead against hers. He knew they had a lot to talk about, but he wanted to stay there, in this moment, for just a little longer. This moment was years in the making, and he wanted to stay in that bubble for as long as they could.
Emily cleared her throat, scared to speak but knowing she had so much to say. She ran her hands down Hotch's chest until they met his at her waist, and taking his hands in her own, she squeezed them gently and nodded towards the door. Apparently, Hotch didn't trust his own voice either, and he just nodded, linking their fingers together and stepping to the side. He stood behind her, squeezing her shoulders and kissing the back of her head while she unlocked the door, and after he followed her inside, he kicked the door closed behind him.
They kept their hold on each other as they made their way down the hall, and when they walked into the living room, Emily stopped. She tipped her head towards the kitchen and smiled, "You take a seat," she said softly, leaning forward to kiss Hotch gently before she stepped back, "I just have to get something."
Hotch nodded and let out a sigh as Emily stepped away from him, and he watched her disappear into the kitchen, before he turned to the living room and headed for the couch. He emptied his pockets, dropping his cell, keys, badge, and sidearm onto the coffee table, before he sat down. He leant forward with his elbows on his knees, bringing his hands up to his mouth and smiling at the thought of what had just happened.
He had just kissed Emily.
He had just told Emily he loved her.
And she'd told him that she loved him too.
Years of waiting for this moment, and it had finally happened. Hotch honestly couldn't believe that it had happened, and he felt like he needed to pinch himself to make sure it wasn't all a dream. He'd hate to finally reach this point, only to be woken up. He looked around the room as he grounded himself, taking in the view from his seat, the sounds of the traffic outside, the smell of the cherry blossom scent that always reminded him of Emily, the soft fabric of the sofa, and the taste of Emily still on his lips. When he heard her footsteps on the floorboards, Hotch looked up with a smile on his face, recognising what Emily was holding.
The bottle of whiskey.
Emily stopped in front of the sofa, placing the bottle and the glasses on the coffee table, before she dropped down on the couch next to Hotch. He immediately reached up to wrap his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side, and she rested her head on his chest. As she reached over to wrap her arm around his waist, she let out a contented sigh.
It seemed like they were both on the same page. They knew they had to talk, but for now, they wanted to just enjoy this moment. So many tears had been spilled leading up to this, and Emily felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She didn't know why she'd been so hell-bent on fighting this relationship, if this feeling of relief and overwhelming joy was what had been waiting for her.
"So... where do we start?" Hotch asked, breaking the silence as he kissed the top of Emily's head. He didn't want to be all business, but they did have a lot to process and while he wasn't averse to spending quite a bit of time tonight kissing Emily, he wanted to make sure they hit the ground running with this. Nothing would bury them more quickly than if they went blindly into this change in their relationship. He and Emily were both control freaks, and having the information before they proceeded would be important to maintaining that control.
Emily took a deep breath and let out a sigh, "Can I propose something?" she asked, pushing herself up with her hand on Hotch's chest and watching him carefully. When he nodded, she continued, "I think we have a lot of things to talk about, and so we can get through it all, I wonder if it would help to take some time apart and think about what questions we need answered tonight."
"Time apart?" Hotch asked with a cheeky smile, "You don't think we've had enough of that?"
Emily chuckled and shook her head, running her fingers through his hair, "I meant more like you go somewhere with a notepad and write down your biggest questions, I do the same, and we come back in twenty minutes and see if we can answer them," she explained.
Hotch smiled, leaning up to kiss Emily gently, "I think that's a great idea," he replied, "Do you have a couple of notepads and some pens?"
Emily nodded, reaching into her pocket and taking out a small notepad and pen, and handing them to Hotch. She tipped her head towards the kitchen and shrugged, "I figured I'd go to my room," she explained, patting Hotch's thigh, "And you can stay here… and then we can come back in twenty?"
Hotch nodded, sitting up and pouring them each a glass of the whiskey, handing one to Emily and smiling as her stomach grumbled. He felt it was safe to assume that Emily hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and he wanted to make sure that she had the energy to get through this conversation, "How about before we start, we order a pizza?" he asked, tipping his head as he smiled softly. At Emily's nod, Hotch picked up his cell and called their usual pizza place. He knew Emily's favourites off-by-heart, so after he'd placed their order, he kissed the top of her head and opened the timer on his cell. When he pressed start, he leant forward for one last kiss, but this time he found it even more difficult to stop kissing her, now that it was allowed.
"We only have twenty minutes," Emily mumbled against Hotch's lips, pulling away reluctantly, "We can't spend the whole time doing this."
Hotch chuckled and nodded, pointing towards the kitchen door, "Alright then… go to your room."
Emily laughed and shook her head, standing from the couch and making her way out of the room. She walked into her bedroom and dropped down onto the large armchair in the corner, bringing her feet up under her as she placed the glass of whiskey on the side table. Emily picked up the notepad and pen that she brought with her and tapped the pen against her chin, quickly jotting down her first question… then another… then another.
As Emily started to compile her list of questions, she realised that they probably wouldn't get through them all in one sitting, so she made a mark next to the ones that were most important for her to have answered tonight. The rest of the questions, mostly around when they would tell the team or what they would tell her parents, could wait. For tonight, the questions Emily needed answers to were going to be the more challenging ones to ask. Her stomach grumbled again and she huffed, hoping the pizza would be there soon.
By the time the alarm went off in the living room, and she heard Hotch calling out her name, Emily's list was a few pages long. She was glad she'd had a strategy, with only a few crucial questions to get through in this conversation. Emily picked up her glass and notebook and made her way back through the kitchen and into the living room. She smiled at the sight of Hotch sitting on the sofa, frantically scribbling away at his list, and as she headed back to join him, there was a knock at the door. Emily dropped her things on the coffee table, making her way down the hall to the front door. She exchanged brief pleasantries with the delivery boy, before she said goodbye and headed back to the living room, placing the pizza on the coffee table next to her things and dropping down next to Hotch, offering him a smile and a wink.
Ignoring the delicious-smelling pizza and their extremely important conversation, Emily leant forward to kiss Hotch again, this time allowing the kiss to deepen, running her hands over his shoulders and locking behind his neck. As she ran her fingers through his hair, he slipped his tongue between her lips, running it along the roof of her mouth and eliciting a groan from deep inside her belly. Before she knew what was happening, Emily was lying back on the cushions, Hotch hovering over her as their lips locked passionately. She wrapped her legs around his waist and let out a sigh as he moved his lips down her cheek, onto her neck, and tracing the collar of her shirt.
When Emily shivered at the sensation of his stubble on her neck, Hotch blinked a couple of times and reluctantly drew his lips away from her skin. He pushed himself up and brought Emily with him, blushing at his enthusiasm. He hadn't meant to let things get out of control, but he knew their situation called for some restraint, and if they were patient and worked their way through the questions they needed answers to, they could get back to that particular activity in due course.
Emily chuckled, tracing her fingers over Hotch's red cheeks, "Part of me wishes you hadn't stopped, but I'm glad you did," she whispered, "We should probably get through these questions before we run out of time... or self-control."
Hotch swallowed hard over the lump in his throat, nodding at Emily's wisdom, "Ok…" he said, sighing and opening the pizza box, taking out a slice for Emily and one for himself, before he gestured to Emily's notebook, "Ladies first."
Emily smiled and reached over to the table for her notebook as she took a quick bite of her pizza and read through her bookmarked questions, deciding which one should go first. She settled on the question that had led to her negating their relationship in the first place, upon her return to DC. It was her biggest fear in all of this, and she had no idea what she would do if Hotch's answer made that fear grow. Now that she knew what it was like to kiss him, she wasn't sure if she had it in herself to turn him down again, but she also didn't think she could live in that fear.
"Ok…" Emily started nervously, taking a deep breath, "I need to know, will you be able to let go of what I did with the CIA and Interpol? Because I cannot be in another relationship where my past is used as ammunition."
Hotch reached up to rest his arm on the back of the couch, contemplating how to answer this question as he ate his slice of pizza. He needed to be honest and transparent with Emily, but he was worried how she would take his answer. He bit his lip and nodded as the wording came to him, "I know that when I fight, sometimes I say things that I know will hurt the other person, especially if it's someone I know well," he explained, "It's not something I'm proud of, but I know it's something that I do. And I want to work on it. That being said, even if I did say something about your past work in the context of a fight, it wouldn't be because I was judging you or because I actually thought those things about you. It would be because I know that it's a sensitive area for you…" he paused and watched Emily's face carefully, "… but like I said, that's something I want to work on."
Emily raised her eyebrows, unsure of what to say in response, but knowing that Hotch would need some reassurances from her about his answer, "I would hope that you would think twice before bringing my past work up in a fight, but I appreciate your honesty," she replied, "When you say it's something you want to work on, how do you plan to do that?"
Hotch pursed his lips as he reached for his drink, "I've been seeing a therapist since…" he paused and cleared his throat, "… and I think that will help a lot. Having a place to go and work out how we can engage in conflict in ways that don't hurt each other."
Emily nodded, "I'm really glad you've had someone to talk to," she replied, running her hand over Hotch's arm, "And I think if we can agree now that, if we are fighting and we think we might start throwing our respective pasts in each other's faces, that we call time-out until we can calm down."
Hotch held out a hand for Emily to shake, "Deal," he said with a smile, leaning forward to seal the deal with a kiss.
As Hotch sat back, Emily tapped his notebook, "Ok… your turn," she said nervously.
Hotch looked down at his list and thought about which question he needed an answer to first, settling on the question that had been plaguing him for months. He looked back up at Emily and ran his fingers through her hair, "Why didn't you tell me about Zac when you first started at the BAU?"
Emily huffed, knowing this question would probably come up at some point and somewhat pleased that they were getting to it sooner, rather than later. She reached over and gripped Hotch's hand in her own, running her fingers over the spot where his wedding ring used to sit. When she looked back up at him, she smiled sadly, "Do you remember our first conversation?" Emily asked, "Or our second… or any of our conversations for probably my first year or so in the Unit?"
Hotch offered a gentle smile and nodded, "You may have a point," he replied, squeezing Emily's hand, "But what about when we became friends?"
Emily shrugged, "By then it was too late," she explained, "And by then, you were going through your divorce and there was that total shit-show with Strauss, and…" she paused and shook her head, "… I suppose there were moments when I tried to tell you, or I thought about telling you, but it never happened. Something always got in the way… and then by the time I was gone, it was too late."
Hotch nodded, looking down at their joined hands and smiling softly, "I'm glad I know him now," he whispered, before looking up at Emily, "You have an amazing son, Em… I don't know what JJ's told you already, but he has come to mean a lot to me, and to Jack."
Emily bit her lip, trying to ward off tears at the thought of Zac and her current relationship with him, "When we have time, I want to hear all about what happened while I was gone," she said softly, clearing her throat, "But if we start talking about Zac right now, I'm just going to end up in a ball of tears and I'll be all red and puffy and gross, and we won't get through our questions."
Hotch huffed, reaching up to brush Emily's hair behind her ear, "I thought I'd already told you, Em," he started, leaning forward to kiss her, "You're always beautiful, even when you've been crying and you're all red and puffy."
Emily smiled and shook her head, tapping on her notebook, "Ok… next question…" she said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she continued, "… will you be able to accept Declan as a part of this family?"
Hotch nodded emphatically, "Absolutely," he replied with confidence, "I know that you're coming into this as a package with Zac and Declan, and I'm coming into this as a package with Jack..." he paused and shrugged, "… I know who his father is, and that doesn't bother me. But I'm just wondering, with Tom in the picture, what do you see my role being with Declan?"
Emily shrugged, "I suppose, the fact that Tom isn't his biological father makes this less complicated, because he already has one non-father that he calls Dad," she explained, "If that's the way he wants to see you too, I'm open to that."
Hotch nodded, biting his lip and watching Emily's face carefully as he spoke, "Well, I guess I need to tell you something, but that involves saying the name of the person I've just agreed not to bring up."
Emily shrugged, "Go ahead," she said softly, "But just know that I might burst into tears at any moment."
Hotch huffed and smiled softly, "I think I can deal with that," he replied, clearing his throat before he continued, "Over the summer, Zac started to call me Dad… it kind of started off as a joke when we were in Martha's Vineyard and I was playing matchmaker between him and Goose, but eventually he just started calling me Dad all the time."
A couple of tears dropped down Emily's cheek and she reached up to wipe them away, before she gripped the sides of Hotch's face and kissed him, fusing their lips together and gripping the back of his head in her hands. As Hotch joined his hands at Emily's back, he pulled her closer and when they started to run out of air again, he loosened his hold on her, allowing her to pull back.
"What was that for?" Hotch asked, his voice breathless as his lungs inhaled deeply, "Not that I'm objecting to the kissing, cause I've been wanting to kiss you for years and we've got a lot of ground to make up."
Emily shook her head and reached up with one hand to wipe away more tears that had fallen on her face, while the other hand played with Hotch's hair, "I have always wished that Zac had a dad who cared about him like you do, Aaron, and…" she shook her head and bit her lip, letting out a puff of air, "… as much as it hurts that he's not speaking with me right now, I am really glad that he still has you."
Hotch reached up to wipe some stray tears from Emily's cheek, smiling sadly and shaking his head, "We'll get you guys there," he said softly, "I promise."
Emily nodded, sitting back and tapping on Hotch's notebook, "One more question for tonight?" she asked, sniffing back the tears that were still threatening to spill over. She was being honest when she'd told Hotch that she was glad to have him in Zac's life, but she couldn't go any further down that path without a box of tissues and a gallon of water. There was a lot of work yet to do on that front, but tonight was about them, and finding a way that they could move forward together.
Hotch smiled gently and nodded, "Ok, I think this is one we probably both have on our lists…"
"What do we do about work?" Emily asked, resulting in Hotch's nod, "Well… I wouldn't even know where to start. What do you think?"
Hotch shrugged, "I actually believe this one's easier than you might think," he replied, "We set clear boundaries, just like we did before, only this time we're more conscious about making them... and maintaining them."
"For example?" Emily probed, running her hand over Hotch's arm, getting slightly distracted at the thought that this gorgeous man wanted her. She huffed and shook her head of that thought so she could focus on Hotch's answer.
"Well, at work, I'm Hotch and you're Prentiss. And…" he cleared his throat, "… at work, I'm the boss. But at home, with the boys and us, we're Emily and Aaron and we're partners."
Emily smiled and chuckled slightly at Hotch's nervousness, "I think that could work, but I think we have to be open to the possibility that one or both of us might have to leave, if it stops working like that, with both of us being on the same team."
Hotch nodded, "I agree, but I don't think we'll know until we get there," he replied.
Emily raised her eyebrows and a cheeky smile grew on her face, "So what you're saying, is that we need a safe word?"
Hotch chuckled and shook his head, "Fine Em… if I say pineapple, you know that one or both of us might need to quit the Bureau."
Emily shook her head, "I don't think that will work," she replied, a seriousness suddenly appearing in her tone, "I say the word 'pineapple' way too much… it'll have to be something I don't say on a daily basis."
Hotch laughed loud, his dimples showing in his smile, "Alright, silly woman," he said brightly, "You're clearly tired and delirious, so I say we put a pin in the rest of these questions until another time."
Emily sighed, leaning into Hotch's side, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. As she settled in Hotch's embrace, Emily knew that Hotch had more questions, including some about Declan's father, and she felt like she needed to be ready to answer them when he was ready to ask.
For now though, Emily just wanted to enjoy this time alone with Aaron, bundled up in a tangle of arms and legs and whiskey.