Casey hadn't meant to fall asleep.

She had only wanted some time to herself to clear her head and think about what lie ahead. She hadn't even known she was capable of falling asleep at that time.

But here she was, waking up on the cold hard cement floor of the back room in the antique shop. Her back already aches from the awkward sleeping position, and her lip and face are screaming at her from the events of the day before.

She sits up, wincing at the stiffness in her body. Her eyes are just starting to focus when she realizes she is not alone.

Alex is sitting a few feet away, looking at something that Casey can't quite make out in her hands. She looks up when she sees Casey sitting up and is almost able to smile.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep," Casey says. "How long has it been?"

"Just one night," Alex tells her. "I think. I fell asleep on the couch in the office. I think I actually slept and didn't wake up with a nightmare this time. I was just so physically and emotionally exhausted." She hesitates. "I think it was the same for you."

Casey stretches, feeling herself becoming more awake. "Are you okay?"

Alex nods. "Well no, but I'm alive." She sighs deeply and then looks at Casey. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Casey considers not telling her. She doesn't need to deal with anymore. But she wants them to be honest with each other, so she says, "One of them came out of nowhere and grabbed me. Roughed me up a little. But I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Alex asks.

Casey nods. Deep down inside she doesn't feel fine at all, but she knows that's not what Alex needs to hear right now. "I am."

Alex seems satisfied with that answer and reaches beside herself and hands something to Casey.

It's a can of Pepsi. It used to be Casey's favorite soda and she hasn't had it in months. Finding this right now is like finding a unicorn.

"Where did you get this?"

"There's a little staff room," Alex tells her. "They have a mini fridge. That was the only can. Some pretty spoiled food. And candy on the desk. That was my breakfast. But I saved you some."

Casey wastes no time opening the soda. She takes a long swig, savoring every ounce that hits her throat. Even warm, it's refreshing. After she swallows, she offers the can to Alex.

Alex shakes her head. "No thanks. There were bottles of water as well. That's just for you."

"I can't take it all. Have some," Casey urges, not wanting to be greedy.

Alex shakes her head again. "No. I want you to have it."

Casey drinks the rest quickly, appreciative of the gesture. It was certainly a nice surprise, and a great treat.

Casey isn't sure what to say so she just sits there, trying to wake up and trying to stretch the stiffness out of her neck and back.

"I need to tell you something," Alex says, her voice serious. "I was hoping we could talk."

Casey nods and looks at her, and Alex comes to sit next to her so they are facing each other.

"I wanted to apologize. For everything," Alex starts, barely able to make eye contact with Casey. It's clear she feels guilty and poorly.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Casey says quickly.

"Yes, I do. Please let me say what I need to say." Casey nods, and Alex continues. "I was a coward, Casey. I hid in that closet and - " she stops talking, starting to tear up. She angrily shakes her head. "I don't need to rehash what happened. You already know. But I could have stopped it. I could have come out and maybe stopped them from taking Olivia and maybe saved Noah. I didn't have to hide. I didn't want to. I wanted to help. But it was like I just - couldn't. No matter how much I was telling myself to come out, I couldn't." She stops for a moment and takes a deep breath. "And it was like that again, back at the house, when you told me to get out."

Casey understands completely. She knows she never would have stayed in the closet, but she isn't Alex. They react differently because their traumas are different.

"You are not a coward," Casey says, looking her right in the eyes. "You did what Olivia asked you to do. You couldn't make yourself move because that's what trauma does. It paralyzes you. It takes you over. It takes you back to the place the trauma started, and you are trapped there. What happened was absolutely not your fault. Don't ever tell yourself that - it's bullshit."

Alex does smile this time but doesn't respond.

"If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." Casey's eyes well up with tears. "I shouldn't have left. I should have been there. I'm sorry I wasn't." Her voice breaks and she starts to cry again.

She finally said it. It was finally out.

She could have helped Olivia fight them off. Maybe Noah would still be alive and maybe Olivia never would have been taken. She will never know because she wasn't there.

"I'm so sorry," Casey sobs. She's angry with herself for breaking down and knows she has to stop. She thought she had gotten it all out last night, but here was the guilt again, raising its ugly head.

Stop, Casey, stop. Alex finally has herself together. You're going to ruin it. Stop crying. Hold it inside. You have to.

She wipes her eyes and struggles to stop the tears, suppressing the ones that still want to come out. She won't do this - she can't do this. Not right now.

She feels a hand on her arm and then, "It wasn't your fault either," Alex says.

With the passage of those words, Casey feels herself relax. The guilt is still there constricting her chest and squeezing her insides, but she feels a fraction of relief to know that Alex doesn't blame her.

She meets Alex's eyes and sees tears shining there too, and she nods at her in understanding.

"It's okay," Alex says reassuringly. "You can cry, Casey. I'm not going to break." She considers what she said and backtracks. "Well, I might. But I'm still here for you. You were there for me."

Even still, Casey doesn't want to cry. It doesn't seem right. The loss is so still so fresh for them both, but especially for Alex. She can't break down. "It doesn't matter. We can say any combination of words to each other, and it won't change a thing. It won't change what happened, or how we feel. We will both live with guilt forever. Not a thing will make it go away. But it will get better." Casey looks down at the floor. "You just have to keep telling yourself that."

Alex nods, looking at the wall in front of them. "You saved my life - twice." When she turns to look at her. her eyes are wet again. "Thank you."

Casey is confused for a moment. Twice? Then she remembers the incident with the gun when she first found Alex in the kitchen. She hadn't realized that Alex remembered. Maybe she hadn't until that moment.

"You're welcome," is all she says. It's all that needs to be said, really.

Alex had had quite the awakening. Nothing had seemed real for her. Burying Noah, losing Olivia…it was all surreal. It was like she had been living in a dream.

It wasn't until she was flat on her back in the woods, a man standing over with a rifle, that the reality of the situation had taken hold.

"I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself. Or at least, I'm going to try," Alex tells her. "I'm going to stop being a coward. Because Olivia is out there. And I'm going to do my part to find her. I'm still sad. I think I will be sad everyday for the rest of my life. But I can still help. I can turn my grief into something useful. I'm sorry you've had to carry my baggage the past few days."

"You're my friend," Casey says. "I'll carry your baggage anytime. That's what friends do."

"You have been incredible to me. The way you cleaned up the kitchen, took care of Noah, got me out of the house. I can't even find words to thank you."

Alex sighs. She's not accustomed to these kinds of conversations. Aside from Olivia, no one has ever done anything selfless for her before. Anyone who has ever done her a favor has wanted something in return.

But not Casey. She had acted out of kindness, out of friendship. And it was a feeling Alex wasn't used to.

"You don't have to." Casey smiles. "Besides, I had my own pity party back here last night. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. Everything just..hit me. I- I hadn't ever killed anyone before."

Alex frowns, looking down at her lap. "I'm sorry you had to. But you saved my life and I'm grateful. If you need to talk about - cry about it - anything, I'm here."

Casey nods. She knows she did what she had to do. But something about her feels different. Had she needed to actually kill the man? She could have just gravely wounded him, incapacitated him enough so they could get away.

She hadn't even considered that. Her mind had gone straight to kill. And she didn't like that part of herself that had awakened.

"I'm really going to try, Casey," Alex says. "I'm sorry if there will be times when I can't do something or when I just need to shut down and cry. Grieving is a hard thing. But I'm going to try really hard to help and do my part."

"I understand, and please don't ever feel like you can't talk to me. I understand and I'll always understand.

Alex leans her head back against the wall. "What happened to the guy who helped us?"

Casey feels sadness clutch her. "His name was Dylan. He let me go and he told me where they are holding the women."

Alex's eyes go wide. "Where? Is it nearby?"

"A sports arena in Chesterfield."

Alex frowns. "Chesterfield? Where is that?"

Casey sighs. "I was hoping you would know."

Alex's eyes go sad, the hope that had momentarily been there seconds before is now gone. "Maybe we can find him and ask him."

Casey shakes her head sadly. "He was shot. Because he helped us."

Casey knows she will always feel regret about that too.

Alex doesn't know what to say. She leans her head back again, running a hand through her hair. "It's not like we can exactly Google Chesterfield."

"Well, we do have access to pre-Google," Casey says.

Alex thinks for a moment, and then she realizes what Casey means. Hope fills her eyes again. "The library. They have maps. Do you think it would still have anything?"

"There are a few around," Casey tells her. "I very highly doubt that libraries were high on the looting list but you never know. We can check them all if we have to but I'll bet we will find something that will help us."

"Casey," Alex says, her voice suddenly very serious. "Do you think - I mean, would Olivia do anything foolish? She wouldn't just bow down and let these men control her…or 'trade' her away."

"Olivia is the smartest, most logical person I know," Casey says, not hesitating even a moment. "She wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her life. Not with you still out here. I can guarantee you that."

"I should be with her," Alex says, clearing her throat. "She's in mourning. She needs me."

"And we're going to find her," Casey promises. She stands, winching at the pain in her body when she does so. "Let's go find out where Chesterfield is. We'll find a nice place for you to practice shooting, and then we will go get your wife."

2.

The first library they made their way to was in such disarray that they couldn't sort anything out.

It looked as if someone had destroyed it on purpose, for lack of anything better to do. Nothing looked actually stolen – it was just trashed.

Shelves tipped over, books strewn everywhere, many windows broken and water damage to books near the windows.

"I don't even know where to start," Alex says, disappointment evident in her voice as she steps around the mess of books.

Casey drops her backpack on the only table that hasn't been tipped over. She is sore from walking and sits down, unzipping her backpack and removing two packages of pop tarts.

"Let's eat," Casey says. "Then we will sort out this mess."

Alex doesn't say anything but reluctantly accepts the pop tarts. Her stomach is growling, and she sits crossed legged a few feet from Casey. They eat in silence, both finishing both pop tarts in their packages.

They don't have much food in the backpacks. Casey knows they are surely going to have to travel at least a couple days or maybe more to Chesterfield, and they likely would have to stop for supplies and food on the way. They would also have to stop in safe places to rest. They hadn't discussed it yet, but Casey knows it's a conversation they will need to have sooner rather than later.

First on the agenda was figuring out where they needed to go.

They start on opposite ends of the library, using what little light they have to try and find the geography section or any maps that would help them.

A couple hours of searching has yielded no results, and Alex almost gives up, when she sees something that fills her with hope.

A tourist guide to New York. It's lying face up, underneath two fallen books. She almost missed it. If she hadn't kicked the leatherbound book out of the way she would have walked right by it.

She picks it up. It's one of the pamphlet style guides that folds into a map of New York.

"Casey," Alex says, excitement creeping into her voice. "I may have found something."

Casey practically runs over to her. She takes the guide from Alex's hand, and they walk to the window, using the small amount of sunlight to look at it.

Both their eyes scour the map for the city they desire – Chesterfield.

Casey finds it first, after a few minutes. She points to it. "Essex County."

Alex frowns. "That's almost three hundred miles away. Are we sure it's the right Chesterfield?"

"Well, no. It could be in New Jersey for all we know. But we have to take our chances."

"It will take us days to walk that," Alex says, disappointment evident in her voice. "Plus, we'd need to avoid highways, which will take longer."

Casey appears thoughtful for a moment. It would be quite the trek, but it's doable. It has to be.

"Olivia's car," Alex says. "Her car is still at the house. In the garage."

Casey sighs. "We can't take it, Alex. It's not an option."

"Why not? Maybe they didn't – "

"They burned the house down, Alex."

Casey hadn't wanted to tell Alex. She had intended to keep it from her until she was in a better place emotionally. It was something traumatic that she didn't need to add to her already huge list of traumas.

Casey watches Alex's heart break again, and she hates it. She hates all the pain and the sadness that this world dishes out. She hates that there is never any good news for her and her friends.

"Are you sure?" Alex asks, all the color gone from her face.

Casey expects her to cry, but she doesn't. She just stands there staring at Casey.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm sorry, Alex."

"And you weren't going to tell me?" Alex demands. "My family's things are in that house." Her voice quakes. "Noah's things. My things. Olivia's things. My phone with pictures of my family. My iPad and laptop, with pictures." She wants to go on but she starts shaking and hugs herself, trying to maintain her composure and failing miserably.

"I know. I'm sorry, Alex," Casey says again. She doesn't know what else to say, really.

"You already said that. Sorry doesn't change a damn thing, If you hadn't made me leave so hastily, I could have gotten some things that mattered. I could have something of my family's left!" Now she's crying and doesn't even try to stop. "I have nothing, Casey!"

"Alex, I'm – "

"I'll never forgive you for this," Alex says. "All of this is your fault. Because you wanted to play hero and take off by yourself."

Something inside Casey snaps. All the stress, all the uncertainty, all the sadness; it all reaches a boiling point and then boils over.

"Forgive me for what? Getting you out of that house so you weren't abducted and subjected to treatment worse than death? What was I supposed to do, Alex? When I saw the house burning, was I supposed to run inside and save all those material things? Is that what you wanted me to do?"

"I thought you were part of our family," Alex says, her tears subsiding for now. "I never wanted to be stuck with you in the first place. But you know what? I actually started to feel like you were family. I felt like I could talk to you. I was hurt when you left."

Casey hates this trait that Alex has; how she can always turn a conversation around to make herself be the victim.

"You're so selfish, Alex. I left for all of us," Casey says, her voice stern and unwavering. "I went to see what was out there for all of us."

Alex scoffs. "And all of us is just me and you now. If you had been there, maybe Noah would still be alive. Did you ever think about that?"

Casey is so angry and upset by those words that she drops the tourist guide. "Do I ever think about that? It's all I think about, Alex! Every second of every day! You don't think I don't blame myself for Noah being gone? For Olivia being taken? I blame only myself. The only reason I am subjecting myself to your company is for Olivia. Because she needs you. If she wasn't in the picture, you could go to hell."

Alex's eyes flash anger and she does what she always does when she knows she's wrong and can't admit it; she lashes out. "It should have been you instead of Noah. You killed him."

Those words hit Casey like a dagger, and they do exactly what they were intended to do – they hurt. A lot.

"I can't believe you would say that," Casey says, her voice barely above a whisper. She had heard Alex say some pretty cruel things in their history of working together, but those words surprised even her.

Alex looks shocked for saying them. She starts to backtrack, to almost apologize, but Casey holds her hand up. She doesn't want to hear it.

Casey picks up her backpack off the floor and drops it right in front of Alex. "I'm done. You obviously think you can do better without me, so go ahead. I'm not going anywhere with you." She bends down and picks up the guide, placing it in Alex's hand. "You're on your own."

Wow. It took only a few minutes for them to crumble. Even after they seemed to hit a breakthrough. That's what pent up emotions and stress does. What do you think will happen now? They were both in the wrong, both said things they shouldn't have. But when you have two stubborn people who are so much alike, neither want to apologize first.