Alex feels immense happiness as she fills the green plastic tote with water.

It's not a shower. It's not even a bath. But it's water, and she has a clean towel and wash cloth, soap, and clean clothes to change into. It's the closest to Heaven she has been in weeks.

The water is freezing, but Alex doesn't even care. She throws a towel on the restroom floor so she doesn't saturate it with water and takes her time cleaning herself. She has to use the bar of soap for her hair as well since there is no shampoo left. But clean is clean.

She takes her time, enjoying the feel of the water and smell of the soap. It feels good to be clean again. It feels...normal.

She cringes when she looks into the tote and sees how dirty and grimy the water is.

She approaches the mirror, leaning over and drying her hair. She massages it, trying to dry as much as she possibly can.

She tosses her still semi wet hair over her shoulder and looks at herself in the mirror. She puts her hands on the counter, leaning in close and squinting. She grabs her glasses and slips them on so she can get a good look at herself.

She looks terrible. She's far too skinny, far too pale, and has dark bags under her eyes.

She hasn't been sleeping. She's attributed it to everything that has happened over the past few weeks in addition to being sick. Renee and Scott had found fever reducing medication that did help her, but the night before she had been awake nearly all night with nightmares and the chills.

When she had fallen asleep, she had awakened to Casey literally screaming. It had scared her so much that she had rolled off the futon they had been sleeping on, and had scrambled to her feet in the darkness, not sure where she was or what had been going on.

It had been a nightmare. Casey had them every night too. Different than Alex's, but enough to keep her awake. She wouldn't talk about them to Alex, and Alex didn't press her.

She finishes up in the restroom and puts on a pair of jeans from her backpack, as well as a multi color sweater given to her from Renee. It fits her much better than the hoodie she had been wearing.

As she's heading back to the office where she and Casey had been staying, she runs into Scarlett.

"You look refreshed!" Scarlett greets her.

"Yeah," Alex says, smiling. "First time I've been clean in awhile. It feels pretty nice."

"Carlos and the boys got back last night," Scarlett says. "Scott said we can have a community meal in the reception room tonight to welcome you and Casey."

Alex smiles again. "That's a nice thought. But I'm still not feeling the best and I'm not sure Casey would come."

Scarlett makes a pouting face. "Please come. We would love to get to know you."

"We aren't planning on staying more than a couple days."

"Even so. Please come. It would hurt Renee and Scott's feelings if you didn't."

Alex does consider it on the walk back to the office. She wants to continue on to find Olivia as soon as possible, but since they are here, what can it hurt to be friendly with others? It might even feel good to converse with other people.

Casey has the door locked of course, so Alex knocks and announces that it's her. She hears the lock switch, and swings open the door.

"Were you still sleeping?" Alex asks as she re-locks the door.

Casey is sitting cross legged on the futon, trying to use what little comes through the window to study the map. It's wrinkled and creased now from all the times they have pulled it out and looked at it."

"You should go get cleaned up," Alex urges. "It will make you feel better. It did me."

"I was planning to. Just wanted to get a game plan for tomorrow."

Alex sits as well. She looks over Casey's shoulder and noticed she has made several circles and lines on the map, marking where they have been or detours they have to take.

"We're going to go around the bridge which will put us out longer, but even so, we are looking at only about another day of walking, two if we stop." Casey points at the destination on the map. "Once we get there it's just looking for the arena."

"Then what do we do?" Alex asks, and it's the million dollar question. Neither of them has the answer. What they do will depend on many factors; what security us like at the arena, the setup, if they can get in.

"I'm worried that it's been too long," Alex says, tucking a strand of her still damp hair behind her ear. "I mean, what if Olivia isn't even there anymore? What if she's been…" she swallows. "What if she's been traded? Or killed?" Her eyes fill up with tears. "I just keep telling myself she is okay because feel she is in my heart, but the closer we get, I just don't know. She lost Noah. She has to be destroyed, Casey."

Casey gives her a sympathetic look. "I know. I think about it everyday too. The only thing I can say to reassure you is that Olivia is the toughest fucking woman I have ever known. When her and I would argue – my God. She actually scared me."

Alex smiles at that. "Remember when she sprained her ankle chasing a perp and had to wear that air cast?

Casey thinks for a moment, and then laughs lightly. "Yeah. She hated it."

"I had to constantly get on her about actually wearing it. I sprained my ankle once and I thought it hurt it like hell, but Liv acted like it was nothing."

"About a year after I started working with the squad, Fin and Liv came to my apartment to discuss a case and while they were there they helped me mount a TV. I expected Fin to take the lead on it, but Liv grabbed that thing and the drill and acted like she was an expert. I swear there's nothing that woman can't do." Casey smiles again.

Alex looks away and sighs. "I just miss her. And even though I can't wait to have her in my arms, part of me is scared too. What if she blames me for what happened? Because I stayed in the closet."

"She won't. I can guarantee you she won't. She understands trauma, just like we do. She understands why you couldn't come out. She isn't going to blame you for anything."

Alex looks Casey in the eyes, her blue eyes shining with worry. "But what if she does?"

"Alex," Casey says, her tone serious. "That is one hundred percent something you do not need to worry about. Okay?"

Alex slowly nods, looking at the garish worn blanket on the futon. She decides to change the subject, before she gets too worked up or has a panic attack.

But Casey beats her to it. She sets down the map. "Sorry I've been kind of…gone. I was having a hard time. Everything just…hit me. And being here, meeting everyone. It was overwhelming. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Alex says, making her voice as cheerful as possible. "Scarlett said there's a community dinner tonight. Supposedly for us."

"That sounds nice. I wouldn't want them wasting their food on us though."

Alex sits with her for awhile and then decides she needs to get out of her head for awhile. She grabs her hand gun before she leaves the room, just in case. Casey always tells her not to go anywhere without it.

She hears laughter coming from a room down the hall and peeks inside the open door. She sees Joanna and Beckett sitting on the floor. They appear to be playing a board game.

"Hi," she says as she steps into the room. Beckett sits up straight as his mother regards her kindly. "What are you guys doing?"

"Playing Candyland," Beckett says, his eyes lighting up. He smiles ear to ear. He looks to be a couple years younger than Noah, and it makes Alex's heart clench.

"Oh yeah? I'm a pro at that game," Alex brags. She looks at Joanna. "Who is winning?"

"Beckett, of course. My husband took Chloe out for a walk. They aren't much for games but we try to come in and play at least once a day." Joanna adjusts her position and motions for Alex to sit, which she does. "Are you feeling better? You and your friend seemed overwhelmed yesterday when you arrived."

"I am, thanks," Alex says. "And I guess we were. We've been on our own for awhile. This was just…a little more than we were expecting."

Joanna hesitates. "Are you guys friends? Or…"

Alex knows what she's asking. "Friends." Alex is surprised by how quickly she's able to say it. She didn't even hesitate. "I guess, actually, that Casey is my best friend. She looks out for me."

Joanna smiles. "I can tell." She looks her up and down. "Do you have family?"

"My wife," Alex says, trying to stay as vague as possible like Casey asked her to. "She's not with us though. We are actually on our way to meet her."

Joanna nods. "Any children?"

Alex sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. "I, uh, had a son."

A sadness falls over them, and Joanna reaches out and touches her shoulder. Alex doesn't have to say anymore. Joanna is a mother, and the sadness radiating from Alex's eyes tells her everything she needs to know.

A tear slides down Alex's cheek, against her every effort to suppress it. "His name was Noah."

Joanna smiles sadly at her, squeezing her shoulder. "The hurt will fade, but it will never go away. Some days you will be fine. Others, it will hit you like a runaway semi. Something or someone will remind you of him, or something he used to enjoy. And your heart will break all over again."

Alex looks down, tears dripping from her eyelashes. She nods in understanding, not daring to look up for fear of completely breaking down.

"But know that it's okay to be happy too. Noah wouldn't want you to always be sad. Love your wife, love your best friend, and love yourself. Always remember that even though grief is ever present, you can find ways to cope."

Alex finally looks up, taking another deep breath. She watches as Beckett tires of their conversation and busies himself with something in the back of the room. "My wife – Olivia – she was there when it happened. We both were."

Joanna nods. She doesn't ask Alex what happened; it doesn't really matter. Grief is grief, no matter what causes it. Loss is loss. Hurt is hurt.

"Is that why she isn't with you now? It was too much to bear?"

Alex clears the emotion from her throat. She wants to tell her so badly. Wants to unburden herself and tell someone else.

But Casey's warning not to give too much away keeps echoing in her head.

"It wasn't by choice," is what Alex chooses to say, and leaves it at that. "But we're going to be reunited."

Joanna nods. "I'm sure that will make both of you happy. Does Casey have family?"

"Just us," Alex says. "Me and Olivia. We've all been together for months." She appears thoughtful. "I haven't thought about it until now, but I really can't imagine the three of us being apart. I was always an only child. Casey is like my sister."

"Have you been friends for long?"

"Actually, no," Alex says. "We worked together. We're both prosecutors. I was her supervisor, and we didn't really get along before. We just didn't agree completely on things. It was by chance that she came with us when everything happened. But I'm glad it happened."

Alex realizes that it's true. She is glad, and she realizes she never told Casey that.

"Everything does happen for a reason." Joanna starts to put the game away. "I do hope we will see you at dinner tonight. It won't be much, but…Renee tends to want to go more overboard than she can. She can seem judgmental, but she'd give you the shirt off her back."

"I'm trying to convince Casey to come. She's…having a tough time with things. But I'll be there. We are planning to leave tomorrow. But I want a chance to thank everyone for their kindness. And to thank you for this talk." Alex smiles.

Beckett comes back over and sits down. "What was your name again?"

"Alex," she says, smiling. "We met yesterday."

He cuts right to the chase. "Want to play Candyland?"

Alex feels her heart swell. She feels the tears coming on again, tugging at her heart. But this time they are happy tears. "I would love to," she says.

2.

It's the nicest pseudo post-apocalyptic attempt at dinner anyone could ask for.

There are folding tables in the reception room, and one is folded down. There are utensils placed at each setting, as well as a bottle of water and paper plates. Some of the paper plates look like they are being reused but Alex is so honored that she wouldn't even think of saying anything.

She had met Carlos, Adam and Drew for the first time. Carlos was Scarlett's boyfriend, and he was a nervous yet polite man. Where Scarlett was talkative and energetic, Carlos was quiet and guarded. Alex can imagine the world changed him, like it changed everyone.

Adam had been a college professor at a community college, and Alex had never met anyone who fit the role better than he did. He had grayed hair, glasses, and wore khakis and a button down shirt. It was perfectly pressed. Alex was impressed he reminded so professional looking.

Drew was Daniel's brother, and was just as polite as he was. He looked to be a few years older. The brothers struck Alex as military boys, or boys from a prestigious boarding school where manners had been drilled into them at an early age.

It's very cold in the church, and everyone is as bundled up as they can be. Alex opts not to wear her atrocious fur coat for comfort reasons, but as she stands rubbing her hands together to warm up, she regrets it.

"Your friend Casey has made friends with that dog outside," Renee says, coming into the room with several canned goods. "I saw her out there throwing a stick for him."

"There's a dog?" Alex asks.

"He started hanging around a couple weeks ago. A husky. Probably used to be beautiful, but the pitiful thing is matted and dirty. And skinny. He slinks around outside but has never come to anyone." Renee counts the cans, frowning. "I'm afraid this all we can spare; we are going above our rations as it is. But I hope it's a treat for you two."

Alex looks at the cans of raviolis and canned fruits and the bottled water. It's a gourmet meal to her. "It's wonderful; thank you. We've been living off snacks."

"Drew and Daniel went out to make a fire so we can at least warm the ravioli for everyone."

"That's nice; thank you. Can I help with anything?" Alex asks. She hates feeling useless. She doesn't like to sit around and do nothing and doesn't like a fuss being made over her.

Renee takes her by the arm and sits her down at one of the tables. "You just sit, my dear. Let us get everything together. Everyone is planning to stop by. We thought it would be nice to eat together and share stories."

Alex smiles. It's nice to not have to worry, even if it is just for a few days.

Joanna and her husband Scott join Alex just a few moments later, and Alex regards them with a smile.

"Where are the kids?"

Joanna smiles. "Outside with Casey and the boys playing with the dog. Your friend is a dog whisperer. The dog wouldn't come to anyone. We've been trying. Trotted right up to her." She puts her hand on Alex's shoulder. "You may have yourself a dog now."

Alex groans. "That's the last thing we need right now."

They chat for several minutes, until the kids come running into the room to announce it started to rain again and everyone came inside. They are talking excitedly about the dog, which they named Boomer. Chloe informs everyone he ran away when it started to rain.

Scarlett wanders in with Adam a few moments later. Adam is usually one to keep to himself, but this time to walks right up to Alex and asks her if she knows where Casey is.

Alex thinks nothing of it. "She came inside. I'd assume back at Scott's office getting ready. Do you need me to get her? She said she's coming."

Adam shakes his head. "I'll wait for her. But thank you."

Just a few minutes down the hall, there is a knock on the open office door and Casey spins around, seeing Adam standing in the doorway. He smiles at her.

"Hey," Casey says kindly, smiling back. She's not sure what he's doing here but she wants to be as polite as possible. "Can I help you with something?"

"Alex said you would probably be in here. Are you coming to dinner?"

Casey nods. "I am. I just had to take care of a few things first." She zips up her backpack. They are all packed to leave in the morning.

"I, uh, was hoping I could talk to you," Adam says, avoiding eye contact with Casey.

Casey's eyes go wide. She can't read his body language. He seems nervous, but that is probably because he doesn't know what Casey is going to say.

"Okay," Casey says. She moves so she's standing in front of the futon and has her backpack at the ready in case she needs to grab her gun. "What about?"

Adam looks to either side of himself down the hallway, then back at Casey. "Can I come in?"

"I'd prefer you didn't," Casey says, without hesitating even a second. "But if there's something I can help you with, please say so."

He respects Casey's wishes and remains in the doorway, leaning onto the doorframe. He finally makes eye contact with Casey, his look intense. "Scarlett told me that you are going to Chesterfield. Can I ask why?"

Casey is taken aback. She doesn't know how Scarlett could have gotten that information. She hadn't told anyone.

Then she remembers that Alex did, on their first day there.

"Her wife is there. We're just heading back to her."

Adam looks hard at Casey, as if seeing into her soul. His look is so intense that Casey feels like he can see right through her.

"I need to go too," he says desperately, losing his resolve and stepping into the room. "Please."

Casey takes a step back, her leg hitting the futon. Adam doesn't seem to be a threat. He seems…extremely desperate. And Casey understands desperation.

"Why?" she asks, already knowing the answer.

"My wife and daughter," he answers, not missing a beat. "They were taken. Right from our home. Chesterfield is where they take them."

Casey lets out her breath. That poor man. Her heart goes out to him, and her look transforms from a hard look to one of sympathy. "I'm so sorry," she says quietly.

He looks at the floor. "My daughter is fourteen. I fear everyday what they are doing to her." His eyes fill with tears and when he meets Casey's eyes, hers are teary as well.

"Alex's wife was taken from their home too," she says. "Their son was killed. Shot right in their kitchen when he tried to defend his mom."

"Oh my god," Adam says, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry she's had to go through that."

Casey nods. "It's been…hard, to say the least." She looks back at Adam. "We are heading out tomorrow morning. You are welcome to join us."

Instead of instantly agreeing, Adam appears thoughtful. "What do you plan to do? Once you get there?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends on what we find. What it looks like where they are being held. I was told it was a sports arena. But it's not like we can march right up to the front door."

Adam's eyes go wide again. "You can if you have something to trade."

It was an odd thing to say, and Casey cocks her head to the side. "Excuse me? Something to trade?"

"Or someone."

Casey doesn't like the look that's come across his eyes and takes another step back. "We don't have anything to trade."

Adam takes another step in. His desperation returns. "You could give yourself up. They would make the trade."

Casey can't believe what she is hearing. He wants her to sacrifice herself? She would do it for Olivia, in a second, but she can't believe a stranger is suggesting such a thing.

"Alex would never let me," she tells him. She looks at his proximity to her and suddenly becomes nervous. "Would you mind stepping back out? I want to help you, but - "

"I'd let you," he says directly. "To get Megan and Nicole back."

And suddenly Casey knows what this is. She knows what Adam wants, and it scares her to the core. She feels sympathy for him, but also fear.

"I'm sorry," Casey says again. "My friends need me. I am very sorry about your wife and daughter, but I can't sacrifice myself for them."

Adam's eyes fill with tears again. "What do you have to lose? Please….please. I see how loyal you are to your friend, how protective. You obviously have a kind heart." He reaches out and takes her hand. "I'm begging you."

If Olivia wasn't out there and Alex didn't still need Casey, she would do it. She would give herself to reunite a family.

But she can't.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes again. "But I do have something to lose. Olivia and Alex are my family. I love them. They need me, and I can't abandon them."

Adam takes another step forward. Casey's hand goes behind her again, touching her backpack on the futon.

"One more chance to do the right thing," Adam says flatly.

Casey keeps her eyes right on him. "I'm sorry - but no."

Adam hesitates only a second. Then he lunges forward, grabbing Casey's backpack. He takes her by surprise, and she goes to kick at him, but he moves out of the way just in time.

Her gun and their extra ammo is in the bag. Not to mention their flashlight and clothes.

She can't let him take it.

She moves to try and take it by force, and from out of nowhere, Adam pulls out a knife and slashes her arm, making her recoil in surprise.

He's cut her on the forearm, and blood is already dripping down her elbow.

He stumbles backwards, surprised by what he has just done. He turns to run out the door, but Casey jumps on his back from behind.

He throws Casey to the floor, and as she scrambles to get up, he stabs her again - right in the stomach.

Not once.

Not twice.

But three times.

It's like once he has stabbed her, he can't stop.

Casey falls to the floor, holding her stomach and leaning against the futon. She's bleeding profusely, and it hurts immensely. She looks down, but all she can see is the spot of blood on her sweater getting bigger and bigger by the second. She tries to apply pressure, but her hands are shaking, and the blood just gushes around them.

Her breath hitches in her chest, and she starts to feel weak and lightheaded. She knows it's serious. Even fatal.

Adam drops the knife, backing up and covering his mouth with his hands. He can't believe what he's just done.

"I - I'm sorry," he mutters, before turning and fleeing down the hall.

Oh no. Not good! What is going to happen?