Thad stood in the middle of a clearing on Route 37: a forested path dotted with apricorn trees, large swathes of grass, and a few several colorful flowers that hugged the treeline. The midmorning air was crisp and faintly sweet, filling Thad's nostrils and reminding him of the sugar he'd swore off long ago to achieve peak form.

"So, is this clear enough?" Thad asked, holding up the mystery Pokeball. "We just let 'em loose, right?"

"Not yet!" Jasmine yelped, putting her hands up as Thad reeled back like a pitcher. He paused and gave an innocent look toward the Gym Leader. "Allow me to assist. We have no idea what will come out of there."

Jasmine reached into the bag being carried by Chad, the dutiful Machop who had taken to doing lunges and squats when they'd pause on their journey. Thad's infectious energy was working its magic on the Superpower Pokemon, whose dreams mirrored his trainers: big muscles and notoriety. Jasmine quickly retrieved one of her Pokeballs and opened it up, releasing one of her prized Pokemon.

Thad relaxed his stance as he watched the magnet triad Pokemon take form before him. It buzzed and bobbed in the air, nudging toward Jasmine. In the center of its spherical body, he noticed little black dots dart around like eyeballs watching.

"This is my Magneton, Sparks," Jasmine said, gesturing to her partner that buzzed in kind. "They've been with me for quite a few years, and I trust them to help if things get messy with the Pokemon in that ball."

"What about the giant metal snake thing?" Thad asked, pointing at the bag. "Wouldn't that be helpful too?"

"Well, yes but no."Jasmine sighed and pressed her lips together, considering her next words carefully. "It comes down to licensing levels with handling certain Pokemon. While I may be a Gym Leader and authorized to capture and hold many restricted Pokemon, it's still not the wisest thing. There's a reason why I don't let my Steelix or Metagross out often."

"Ahuh. Still, if there's some chonky boy inside this lil' ball," Thad held up the Great Ball for emphasis, "I'd rather not be cooked, ya know?"

"Very well." Jasmine retrieved another Pokeball from her pack and released another creature: a bird with a slick silver coat with red-colored wings that neatly folded upon each other. "Meet, Ceris, my Skarmory. She'll be able to watch overhead if the Pokemon bolts."

Thad eyed the metallic bird as it soared into the sky after giving Jasmine a small squawk of compliance. "Ahuh...you didn't tell me you had a bird made of literal knives. That's metal as hell, Jazzy."

"Well, it's just the metallic coat, but a Skarmory's feathers aren't serrated," Jasmine clarified, her voice proud and steady. Thad nodded and took a seat on the ground, biting the side of his mouth. "A misconception about many Steel-types is their rough exterior, but that simply isn't true in every case. While you might have to scrub with extra tough bristles, you really can't go wrong with—are you listening, Thad?"

Thad rubbed his hands over the dirt, wiping away the design he'd been crafting with his finger. "Huh? Totally. Knife bird cuts like butter. Or something like that." Thad hopped up to his feet and brushed the dirt off his gi pants. "Sorry, when you go full teacher mode, I'm kinda hardwired to zone out. If it ain't gains, it's hard for me to focus."

Jasmine blinked and huffed. "Alright, well you can use its discarded metallic feathers to make hooks for climbing due to their lightweight composition, strength, and—" Thad's head perked up at the tidbit of information as Magneton buzzed and nudged into Jasmine. "Right. Thanks, Sparks. Thad, it looks like Ceris is in position now. Go ahead and open up the Great Ball."

"Now you're speaking my language. I'm all about that action, so let's go!" Thad tossed up the Great Ball, and then took a step back and assumed a wide stance with his hands up as a beam struck down before him and began to take form. His grin widened as the form seemed to hardly come up to his ribs. "Ahh, it looks to be a little dude. Easy."

"Wait, Thad. That's a—"

A horrible screech rang through the air, forcing Jasmine and Thad to cover their ears. As the sound dissipated, Thad watched a black blur zipped past him. He sidestepped as quickly as possible, but something sharp had clipped the back of his legs, narrowly missing his thighs but creating a clean slice across his pants.

The quick Pokemon had raced up into a nearby apricot tree; little claw indentations from how it scampered up into the lush tree. High pitched hisses emanated from the shrouded branches of the tree.

Thad ripped off the tattered bits of his gi pants. "Quick little dude, right Jazzy? Straight up gave me booty shorts! Haha!"

"Focus!" Jasmine called out, pointing at the tree. "I think they're scared and freaked out. You need to appear non-threatening."

"Right. Non-threatening. Got it." Thad unslung his travel bag and dug out a blue-colored poffin. He crept up to the tree where he saw small, red beady eyes glare down upon him, and he lifted up the fluffy protein-packed treat. "You want some protein?"

"Sneee!"

Jasmine winced as the Pokemon screeched once more, but Thad didn't even flinch despite being at point-blank range. Instead, his chest swelled as he inhaled sharply.

"Thaaaaad!" Thad screeched back at the Pokemon, his booming voice rustling some of the leaves.

Jasmine's jaw dropped. She'd told him to be non-threatening to the scared Pokemon, not scream back at it! Dumbfounded, she licked her lips and tried to formulate a backup plan quickly for Thad's rash decision making. Yet, the clawed Pokemon scampered down the tree and snatched the poffin from Thad's hands, and began gobbling it down.

Now in the sunshine, the Pokemon was barely three feet tall, dark blue skin, a small bunch of feathers jutting out from its behind, and a small red feather on the left side of its head. It held the little poffin in its long, white claws and munched with voracity and reckless abandon. Once it quickly gulped down the last bits, a few blue smudges on its cheeks, it held out its claws and made a small squeaking sound.

"How...did that work," Jasmine muttered. She began to approach Thad, but he held his hand up, warning her to not approach yet.

Thad pulled out another poffin and held it in between his thumb and middle finger in front of the creature. He had the creature's full attention and crouched down to eye level. "I'm the boss, you hear? You're fast as hell, lil' dude. And you like protein, so I can respect it."

Thad tossed the poffin to the small Pokemon once it nodded, and it began eating immediately, paying Thad no attention as it now had the poffin. Thad reached over and gave the Pokemon a rough head scratch, managing to get a chitter of excitement from the critter.

"Alright, I think it's good now," Thad said, looking over his shoulder. He gave a thumbs up and waved Jasmine over. "Little dude was just hungry and scared."

"But the shout?!"

"Oh. Yeah, well I had to prove that I'm the alpha, you know?" Thad looked to Chad for confirmation, and the Machop gave a nod and shrug. "See? He gets it."

Jasmine put two fingers in her mouth and let out a sharp whistle. Ceris, the Skarmory, came soaring down from the sky after a moment, and Jasmine recalled her companion into its Pokeball. She kept her Magneton out as she tentatively approached alongside Chad, the unofficial bag caddy.

"So, you're going to keep the Sneasel?" Jasmine asked, raising an eyebrow. "They're known to be quite mischievous and a handful, plus we don't know how much she has been through."

"She?" Thad mimicked in confusion. He glanced back at the Sneasel and narrowed his eyes as he looked at the Pokemon's smooth body. "Uh, Jazzy, I'm no biology expert and I've been meaning to ask… but they've got no cajones."

"What?"

Thad held out his palm as if he were holding a ball. "Ya know, cajones. Jimmies. Nuts and bolts. The works. Peashooter. Dingle dong." He quickly glanced at the preoccupied Pokemon. "Ya know. The mating goods."

Jasmine's lips formed a thin line and her face became ghost white. "Ah, that. Well, Pokemon all lay eggs. They generally keep their genitals...uh, receded almost all the time around anyone."

"So we can eat eggs?" Thad glanced at the Sneasel who was nearly done nibbling on the poffin. "Is that allowed? Cause that would be a rad amount of protein."

"Well...it depends on the Pokemon?" Jasmine replied, her eyes wandering around the field. Thad gave her a blank stare and made a rolling gesture with his hand. "It depends on the Pokemon, okay? I'm a pescatarian, so I don't really eat Pokemon eggs. Mostly fruits and vegetables, and Magikarp and Feebas fillets."

"Fish is practically a vegetable, Jazzy. We need to get you some red meat to help you build that core strength," Thad said, shaking his head. "Do people eat those round cows?"

"Miltanks? O-occasionally, why?" Thad smiled and Jasmine immediately frowned, knowing what the meathead was pondering. "No, we're not going back to the farm to eat a Miltank."

"Fine, fine." Thad rested his thumb under his chin and looked at the Sneasel. It had finished its second poffin and was now watching Thad and Jasmine with rapt attention, its eyes slightly squinted. "Alright lil dude, you want to join Team Beefcake? More protein and daily workouts if ya do. I'm sure you'll like my cardio routine." He held out his fist. "Bump it and we seal the deal, bro-er, girl."

The Sneasel tilted its head. "Sneesh?" It glanced at its long talon-like claws, retracted them in a bit, and then gave Thad a gentle fist bump. "Snee?"

"Two things left," Thad stood up to his full height from the crouching position, "you need a name, and I need new pants."

"We can go back to Ecruteak and—"

"No," Thad said with finality. "I only want to return when I can challenge Morty again and show him the true potential of my Pokemon's muscles. What're our other options?"

Jasmine lightly tapped a foot on the ground and her Magneton buzzed excitedly near her. "Well, there's Goldenrod City to the South. The biggest city in all of Johto, where the department store would certainly have clothes," her face flushed a tint of red as she inspected Thad, "and I think it's time we got you a shirt."

"Sneahaha!" the Sneasel cackled, pointing at the torn-up pants with their sharp talons. "Snee!"

"Aren't you just a bundle of trouble—" Thad snapped his fingers. "I've got it. I'm a genius. Your name is Trouble. Can you dig it?"

Trouble jumped up in the air, grinning and swinging its claws around haphazardly. Thad pulled out the Great Ball and immediately recalled the Sneasel into its ball, to which it receded without any additional effort or shaking.

"Well, that's handled. Though, Trouble is going to be a terror to anybody that wears pants in the future." Thad rubbed the back of his neck and looked over to Chad. "You show 'em the ropes when we make camp, got it?"

Chad flexed his biceps and gave a salute. "Chop!"

"Thanks, bro. So," Thad turned to Jasmine, and gestured to the tall grass to the South. "Show us the way?"

Jasmine recalled her Magneton and deposited the Pokeball into her bag on Chad's back. She smiled and waved Thad to follow. "We can make it in a few hours if we hurry. Maybe in time for dinner."

"And...two-hundred."

"Geo!"

"Time for the other arm," Thad tossed Dwayne over to his left arm and began slowly doing bicep curls. "Damn, My veins be poppin'! How are you doing there rock man, lettin' it all hang?"

"Dude!" Dwayne barked out, a goofy smile carved upon his face.

Thad nodded thoughtfully to the inspired response, giving his tensed right arm an appraising look. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Thad continued on the forested path trailing behind Jasmine's lithe figure. Her flowy steel grey summer dress flapped in the wind. Her pace was quick and deliberate, as Thad's constant encouragement for 'marching speed' had been drilled into her since they left. Despite the burn in Jasmine's legs, it was preferable over another 'pep talk' from Thad.

After rounding the bend of thick trees chocked full of birds and other chittering pests, Thad raised an eyebrow as he noticed Jasmine had come to a stop up ahead. The path appeared to be blocked by a large brown tree.

"Problem, Jazzy?" Thad called out, cupping his free hand over his mouth. He didn't dare lose out on his Geodude infused bicep curls. It was a good workout for him and helped cultivate a strong grip for the Rock-type Pokemon.

Jasmine placed her hands on her hips and hummed in a low tone. "It's strange. There shouldn't be a tree here…"

Thad cocked an eyebrow and strutted forward. He deposited Dwayne into Jasmine's unexpecting arms, nearly knocking her over as she clutched the Geodude who gave her a polite 'geo' greeting. The muscular man in shredded booty shorts rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles as he approached the tree.

"Not the thickest trunk, and got some twiggy branches." Thad thumbed under his chin and tilted his head, observing the barrier. "Don't worry, I'll have this taken care of before you can say 'what, but how?'."

Thad clasped his hands around the tree, interlocking his fingers. He pressed his chiseled chest against the cool bark and squatted down, and with a mighty grunt, he heaved the tree from the earth and suplexed the tree, hurling it over his head with a bit more force than intended as the tree sailed into the depth of the forest behind him.

"Sudo!" the tree cried out. Its panicked voice disappeared into a faint whisper as Jasmine, Chad, and Dyawne watched the assumed Pokemon disappear until it was a speck in the sky.

Jasmine blinked, her jaw wide open on the verge of collecting dust. "You... just uprooted a Sudowoodo… "

"I think you're looking for the words 'what, but how?'" Thad replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"What, but—"

"Cause of these, baby!" Thad quickly settled into a front double bicep pose, pulsing his pecs to bounce a bit. "Don't worry, because ain't nobody gonna keep us from our shopping spree. I'll suplex anyone or anything!"

"Macho!" Chad hollered, bouncing up and down. He clapped his hands together over his head with a great big grin on his face. Dwayne also rocked back and forth while in Jasmine's arms, celebrating his trainer's display of pure athleticism.

Jasmine looked back toward where the Sudowoodo would have landed in the distance. "Do you think the Pokemon is alright?"

Thad scratched the back of his head, stealing a glance at his Pokemon. They both gave him the equivalent of a shrug. "I mean...probably. The fake tree man felt pretty solid to me."

"It's a Sudowoo—never mind. They're rock types, so I'm sure the poor thing will be alright, but next time, give us some time to analyze the situation? This is a popular road, after all." Jasmine walked to Thad, handing Dwayne back to him. "Not everything can be solved with brute force, you know."

"I find that answer unconvincing." Thad's lips spread into a broad smile. Dwayne clambered onto his left forearm, and Thad once again began his curl set. "But, I get your point. Kinda. How about I ask before I toss something into orbit?"

It was Jasmine's turn to flash a coy smile. "So a 'Seismic Toss Clause' for our travels? I can agree with that. Just don't make me remind you, or else this'll be for naught."

Thad nodded sagely. "My mind is like a steel trap, girlie. What goes in doesn't come out." He paused, rubbing his chin. "Yeah...that sounds about right. So, to Goldenrod?"

A mischievous glint flitted across Jasmine's eyes as she stole a glance at Thad's sorry excuse for shorts. She covered her mouth, stifling a giggle. "Yes. I think the quicker we get some reasonable clothes for you, the less strange looks you'll draw. Plus, there's plenty to do in Goldenrod like visiting the radio tower, the gym, and the game corner. We'd even have the option to take the train to Kanto."

"Jazzy, people always will be admiring the bod," Thad gestured to his torso with his free hand, "but I could do some sick athletic wear. And more of the protein and calcium stuff that the Pokemart sells in jars."

"Wait, you went through all of that," Jasmine said in a raised voice. She began counting on her fingers and muttering under her breath. "But...that's—"

"Expensive. Look, I know, but if I'm going to make the best protein shakes around to keep me and my crew looking swole, then I need the best ingredients," Thad reasoned. "So, we gotta make some cash." He leaned in and whispered, "Is there like some kind of way Pokemon trainers make money or something? Even if it's a bit skeezy?"

"Oh, you mean like normal trainer bets? Sure, that's common practice," Jasmine said. "You just agree with the opposing trainer on the amount before the battle. Not everyone does it, of course, but it goes off the honor system in most cases, though sometimes people like witnesses."

"So we should battle everyone we come across for money?" Thad inhaled sharply through his nose, his eyes looking off into the distance as the gears in his mind churned. "Hmmm. Alright. I've got a plan. We're going to be swimming in protein by the time I get this rolling."

The corner of Jasmine's lips twitched. "Oh? Do share."

"Well, you said there is a Radio Tower right? And you're a Gym Leader, right?"

"Correct," Jasmine slowly said. "I still don't follow."

Thad blinked and then chuckled. "Is this what being smart feels like? Damn, I can feel my brain flexin' like—"

Jasmine coughed into her fist. "Get on with it, Thad."

"Right, right. So we do a little PR work and have the big spenders come to us!" Thad set Dwayne down, having reached two hundred reps. He rotated his shoulder, stretching out the joint a bit. "Was thinking of something fun, like 'Thad wrestles your Pokemon' or something sweet. Get a crowd and make some bank. Done deal."

"We probably couldn't do that in the street," Jasmine reasoned, her tone sounding mildly disapproving. "The only place I could think that could house an event like that would be the gym, and it would have to be taken up with Whitney. Do you really want to wrestle mystery Pokemon for money?"

"Hey, you saw me throw that tree dude. While my dudes might need more training, I like to lead by example, ya know?" Thad struck a pose, flexing his quads and abs. "This is the only bread I am interested in, and I gotta represent Chuck well for setting me on the path. Plus! We might get information on Bruno! I see this as an absolute win."

Jasmine sighed. "Okay, I can talk to the Radio Tower for a meeting. There's no guarantee, but they tend to favor Gym Leaders." Jasmine crossed her arms over her chest. "But while I'm doing that, you'll have to convince Whitney."

Thad hefted up Dwayne, holding the kettlebell with arms behind his head for tricep rows. "Easy. Consider it done."

"You don't even know Whitney. You're going in blind," Jasmine said, the lilt of her voice peaking upward. "But someone might know them well."

Thad closed his eyes and clicked his tongue. He began lifting the Geodude up and down, his triceps bulging. "Ah, you think I'm going in blind, but I actually have the element of surprise. You see, she's never met me." Thad gave Jasmine a toothy grin. "We've got a plan, Jazzy, let's not ruin it with details. I work better off script."

"If you insist." Jasmine winced and looked to Chad, who just seemed enthralled to be near the conversation. "You're going to keep an eye on him right? Make sure he doesn't make a fool of himself?"

"Chop chop!" Chad chirped, giving Jasmine a thumbs up. She returned a soft smile to the jovial Pokemon and sighed. Thad had turned his attention to Dwayne, focusing on his reps.

"Chop?"

"You're right," Jasmine replied. "It's a good plan. There's just a reason I never visit the Radio Tower or Goldenrod in general." She shivered for a moment. "Well, if Thad's confident, then I can be too. Right, Chad?"

Chad tapped his chest twice with a closed fist and gave Jasmine a slight nod, the Pokemon's eyes ablaze with passion. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, but swallowed hard and recomposed herself, and brought the Machop into a quick side hug.

"Thanks. I needed that."

A/N: Can't stop won't stop. Onward to Goldenrod city as we keep the foot on the gas pedal for the pacing. Trying not to have much filler content with this story as much as I can help it, since it relies on comedy and adventure progress. That being said, I'm enjoying the writing thoroughly :)

Review Response: I'll probably reply every 2 or 3 chapters to reviews, just since I don't want to clog up my author's notes, but I do enjoy the discourse! Thank you all for the feedback! So let's see here, what can I answer...

UDTimburrhog: Thad isn't infallible, he's just incredibly based. That, and of course I had to make the PP joke. I couldn't help myself.

WhatLiesWithin: Glad to hear it! I'm just trying to have fun and make people smile!

Cyan Sung-Sun: Much appreciated, and Jasmine will do her best.

Aster's Decendant: See, I'm mostly only familiar with the older Pokemon, so I had to look that one up. Looks absolutely silly and fun! So, now they're on my radar.

Derpsnot: Thank you! I don't think it's low for follows and such, as this is just me having a blast with no constraints on my usual writing. This is 100% enjoyment and relaxation for me lol.

Cavik: That's what was said, right? right?

Sukaleska: I'm glad you've enjoyed taking the dive :D and yes, while Thad is absolutely zany and the fic I did label as Parody (as I don't think this fic could get away with being a 'serious' Pokemon fic) I still try to sprinkle in flaws and some points of seriousness here and there.

Frankieu: Much appreciated, and thank you :)

Andrew1011: I intended to!

dazeemmurphy: Very kind words! I'm not sure if it'll ever reach those heights, but thank you for the compliment! :D

Crowbars357: More suplexes in the future, promise.

Guest: I don't recall Thad being religious unless one counts the Gold's Gym as a church.

Anyways, depending on workload and commission work, I'll see about getting another chapter out by next weekend. This is a pure passion project where I just like to have fun in the Pokemon Universe. No planned length at the moment, but I can tell you that we're just in the beginning. Stick around for more Thad and other fun stuff. also been considering adding another person to join Jasmine and Thad on their travels... we'll see.

For more quality fics from tons of other talented fanfiction authors, writing advice, memes, or if you want a place to chill and/or bug me, come stop by the Fanfiction Treehouse Discord at discord. gg / 9XG3U7a

Until next week, take care, and thanks for reading!