August 2002
Pine Motel
Athol, Idaho
The boxes of hair color sat on the bathroom counter. Four boxes, two of each color, not sure which she had wanted to use. She knew it was time to make a change when someone had looked at her and then looked again, as though trying to place her. She had panicked internally, abandoning her items and quickly leaving the small shop, watching over her shoulder to see if the person had still been watching her.
Driving away, she had not seen anything and breathed a deep sigh of relief. But it had not stopped her and Mulder leaving the motel they had arrived in only that morning. They had packed up hurriedly and driven off, staying in the car and away from any people for a few days.
They could not carry on their life that way, however. Driving away and to another state, they stopped at a small motel and she drove to the local pharmacy, knowing what needed to be done. It was a small thing and yet…
The bathroom door opened silently and Mulder stepped inside, staring at her with a soft smile. She tried to return it, but she knew it came out rather wobbly and forced. He walked closer to the sink counter and picked up one of the boxes, her eyes filling with tears as she bit her lip to stop them from falling.
"Deep Chestnut Brown," he read quietly, turning over the box and looking at the results of the color when used. "Hmm." He set it down and picked up the other one. "Dark Brown." He looked at her and she shrugged with a heavy sigh.
He picked up both boxes and stepped to her, where she sat on the side of the tub. Squatting down, he held them up on either side of her face and she closed her eyes, tears spilling out as she swallowed hard. Concentrating on his scent and the sound of his breathing, she calmed as she took a deep breath.
"I think the chestnut brown will be good."
She opened her eyes and he smiled softly again. Setting the boxes beside him, he held her face gently and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs.
"It's stupid to cry about this," she whispered and he shook his head.
"It's not. Not at all."
"It's just hair," she said, trying to not only convince him, but herself as well.
"Hmm," he hummed softly and let out a small sigh. "It is, that's true. But it also isn't. We can be blasé about this, but we both know this is big. I… I don't want you to have to do this anymore than you want to do it." He shook his head again and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, fresh tears falling. His forehead pressed to hers and she drew in a ragged breath.
"I love your hair, Scully, I always have," he whispered, his breath warm on her face. "I could find you in a crowded room easily. I love the way the light catches it, how the color is a part of you."
"You're not making this easier," she said with a sob and he stroked her face, pressing his forehead more firmly to hers.
"I'm sorry. That's not my intention," he whispered and she nodded, knowing it was not. "No matter the color, you're still you. That's what I'm trying to say and failing miserably."
She laughed out a sob and nodded again. As he pulled back, she opened her eyes and stared at him. Shaking her head, she drew in a breath and let it out. With a nod, she covered his hand on her cheek and he nodded back. Standing up, he opened the box of hair color and began to read the instructions.
She sat and waited, thinking of so many times when she had hated the color of her hair. When Miles Sanford had made fun of it in third grade and she had been too stunned to respond. Missy had a word with him the next day and he apologized, never to do it again.
Men making lewd comments in bars, asking if the carpet matched the drapes when she had been younger, and their surprise when she had cut back with a snide comment of not being man enough to ever find out.
She had hated her hair color at times, but it was hers and now…
"It seems pretty straightforward," Mulder said, taking out the bottles and starting to put on the gloves.
"No… I can do it," she said, standing up and stepping closer to him. "I… I can do it, Mulder."
"No," he said with a shake of his head. "We're in this together. All of it." She stared at him and tried to speak, but nothing came out. She nodded slowly and took a deep breath.
"Together," she agreed and he smiled, bending his head to kiss her lips softly.
He guided her to the toilet, closing the lid and told her to take a seat. Placing a towel around her shoulders, she drew in another breath and let it out slowly.
"We should cut it first," she said and he shook his head as he added the contents of the small bottles to the larger applicator bottle. "It would use less dye."
"One change at a time," he said with a small smile. "You already have the dye here. If we have to use two bottles, that's fine." He replaced the cap and shook it, his eyes on hers as he did.
"Okay," she agreed with a whisper.
When he was ready, the ingredients mixed and waiting, he bent and kissed the top of her head. Pulling back, he held her face and placed soft, sweet kisses against her hairline, from one ear to the other as she closed her eyes, held his forearms, and cried softly.
"I love you," he whispered, his lips at her left ear as he placed his last kiss and leaned back. She opened her eyes and looked at him, knowing he meant her and not her hair.
"I love you too," she whispered back and he kissed her lips again.
He put on the gloves and picked up the bottle of dye. Running his fingers through her hair, he pressed the tip to her scalp and she felt the dye being placed there in a long straight line. Closing her eyes, she sat still as he covered her entire head in the dye, stopping halfway to mix up the other bottle.
The room smelled pungent and it burned her scalp a little in spots, but she remained silent as did he, the moment not one for small talk and empty words.
She heard the bottle set onto the counter and she opened her eyes, searching his. He attempted a smile, but sighed instead. He turned around and found one of the clips she had bought to hold her hair up in the heat of summer. Opening it, he twisted her hair and clipped it to her head, taking off the gloves and throwing them in the small trash can.
"Now we wait," he said softly and she nodded.
"Now we wait."
He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his, squeezing her fingers gently. They both looked down at their entwined fingers, not speaking once again as they began the thirty minute wait as the dye set in.
He looked up, his eyes troubled, and she let go of one of his hands. Cupping his face, her thumb rubbed over the beginnings of the beard he was growing.
"I love you," she whispered, saying so much more than those three words. Telling him that this was worth it, that he was worth it. He let out a breath and nodded, turning his head to kiss her palm.
"I love you too. So very much."
When the thirty minutes were up, she stood and turned the shower on, taking off her clothes as the water heated up. She kept her eyes averted from the mirror as she placed the towel in the sink and pulled the shower curtain back, stepping into the tub.
To her surprise, Mulder stepped in behind her, holding the shower curtain as she tried to close it.
"Together," he reminded her and she nodded, touching his chest gently. He closed the curtain and took the clip from her hair, turning her so her back was to the spray of the shower.
She closed her eyes and tipped her head back, feeling the water penetrating through the thick dye, rinsing it from her hair. His fingers began to massage her scalp, working the dye from it, and she moaned at the feel of his touch.
He squeezed her hair and then began rubbing again, placing a hand on her arm and silently guiding her to the best position to rinse it. She opened her eyes as she leaned her head to the right and saw the color swirling around their feet.
"Oh," she cried out softly and began to cry, the water washing away her tears. She closed her eyes and changed positions, her head tilted back again. She smelled their shampoo, his fingers scratching at her scalp as he washed her hair, her hands on his chest.
"It's okay," he said, and she shook her head, knowing she was once again being silly. It was just hair. "It's not just hair." Opening her eyes and raising her head, she realized she had said it out loud. "It's not, Scully."
Even through the water falling on him, she could see his tears and she raised up on tiptoes to kiss them away, his fingers still washing her hair.
She laid her head on his chest as he moved the shower head, rinsing the shampoo and color away. Once more he washed it and this time, she helped. Scrubbing at the front while he did the back, she looked up at him and smiled sadly.
"Together," she said and he nodded with a swallow, his Adam's apple moving up and down. She looked down and saw that the water was almost clear, the color nearly gone.
Rinsing it and adding conditioner, he clipped it back up, picking up their soap and a washcloth, washing her clean from head to toe. Rinsing the washcloth, she then washed him, wrapping her arms around him when she had finished. He rubbed his hands up and down her back as they stood under the warm water, taking a moment together.
Hair rinsed, he shut off the water and opened the curtain, reaching for a towel. Wrapping her in it, he grabbed one for her hair, squeezing out the water before wrapping it around her head and gathering it in the back.
"Still don't know how you wrap it like a turban," he murmured and she touched his arm. Looking up at him, she took the towel off and stepped back, bending her head forward and wrapping her hair inside the towel. "Ahhh. You make it look so easy." She smiled and stepped out of the tub, handing him a towel.
She dried off and dressed, avoiding the mirrors and keeping her hair wrapped in the towel. Finally she knew she could not avoid it any longer and she looked at him.
"I don't know if I want to see it," she admitted softly and he nodded in understanding.
"Together?" he asked, reaching for her hand and she smiled with a nod, squeezing his fingers.
Stepping into the steamy bathroom, he used the now dye stained towel to dry off the mirror. Standing in front of him, he unwrapped her towel and let her hair fall around her shoulders.
It was dark, darker than she had ever seen it, even when it was wet. For a second, she did not recognize her reflection and her eyes filled with tears before she closed them.
A brush was run through her hair, her body turned to face him as he worked to get it done properly.
"There we go," he whispered and she opened her eyes, looking into his for reassurance. "It's different, obviously. But I like it." She scoffed and he smiled, holding a strand of it in his fingers. "I do, honestly."
She took a deep breath and turned to face the mirror. His hands on her shoulders steadied her as she stared at herself. He was right, it was not as terrible as she imagined, but still it was not her looking back from the mirror.
"It will take some getting used to," she said softly. "But…" She shrugged and he smiled, catching her eyes in the mirror. Turning around, not wanting to look anymore, she wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, staring up at him.
He smiled and bent his head to kiss the top of hers. As she smiled and closed her eyes, he kissed above her right ear and followed the same path he had taken to the other ear, pressing soft kisses to her hairline. Tears filled her eyes and she drew in a deep breath.
"I love you," he whispered again as he placed his last kiss above her left ear, pulling back to smile at her.
"I… I love you too," she whispered, tears falling down her face. He wiped them and pulled her to his chest, his fingers running gently through her now dark brown hair.